Harri 4813 Share Posted May 2, 2017 xan is the incorrect deity Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gone 868 Share Posted May 2, 2017 7 hours ago, Leric (Td) said: can not be done from a distance or orbital canon’d No long range unattunement disconnection ray? Looks good though, makes me think of Keepers as being the big paladin parents. +1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angmarzku 1247 Share Posted May 2, 2017 someone kill leric before he kills me 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leric 1097 Author Share Posted May 2, 2017 13 minutes ago, Jaeden said: You missed the opportunity to use this in the introduction. fixed 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
shimmeringbliss 267 Share Posted May 2, 2017 A good piece, I especially enjoy the illusion to teach. A few things though. Why would they have a prophet, if all Keepers may communicate with Xan? Doesn't seem like a feasible title. Maybe as leader of the order, not as a real prophet since all technically are. I was under the impression that Xan's power destroyed the soul, not the physical body. That would require a constant healing on a Keeper, although I see that you've said clearly that their body structure eventually morphs into golden ichor. Maybe Divine Travel is a little too straightforward. How does [Open the Waygate] sound? Also I would prefer if the method required some form or material for preparation, instead of just relying solely on the Keeper's power. I would like to make it a bit more of an effort to travel to a Aengul's realm, ensuring as well the creation of a chancery to be that much more significant. Not too sure why Mists cant be regarded as a combat utility tool, as its basically illusions although perhaps not as powerful as arcane ones. There's nothing to limit it I believe. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leric 1097 Author Share Posted May 2, 2017 9 minutes ago, shimmeringbliss said: A good piece, I especially enjoy the illusion to teach. A few things though. Why would they have a prophet, if all Keepers may communicate with Xan? Doesn't seem like a feasible title. Maybe as leader of the order, not as a real prophet since all technically are. I was under the impression that Xan's power destroyed the soul, not the physical body. That would require a constant healing on a Keeper, although I see that you've said clearly that their body structure eventually morphs into golden ichor. Maybe Divine Travel is a little too straightforward. How does [Open the Waygate] sound? Also I would prefer if the method required some form or material for preparation, instead of just relying solely on the Keeper's power. I would like to make it a bit more of an effort to travel to a Aengul's realm, ensuring as well the creation of a chancery to be that much more significant. Not too sure why Mists cant be regarded as a combat utility tool, as its basically illusions although perhaps not as powerful as arcane ones. There's nothing to limit it I believe. It's been intertwined in an immense amount of Xan lore that there has always been a prophet, typically someone of the Athna bloodline which is directly linked to Xan's. Prophet is really just a cultural rank, a figure that Paladins can look towards for guidance but it doesn't mean people can seek the very same from any other Keeper. This was a discussion I had with the main writer of Xan lore, Tsuyose, and its what he and I agreed on. It should just be noted that any paladin is capable of proclaiming themselves as prophet, there wouldn't be any ooc barriers for it. I don't really know what you're specifying in this so I'll try to explain without being really wordy like I am in the lore. Person passes trial to become Keeper, person comes into Xans realm, Xan essentially rips their soul out and sets it to the pillar of binding within his realm in which their original body soon becomes defunct and placed somewhere for self keeping. Xan then creates them a new body within his own fashion, replacing crimson blood with his godly ichor and replacing normal bone with a crystallized version of his ichor that acts as a replacement. The soul is then linked from this pillar to the body which allows them to function. I believe this is very similar to how the current wraiths (or some version of them) works by having their actual souls bound to some black pillar in the abyss. I'm unsure what material could be really used as preparation, perhaps a sacrifice of the Keepers blood in the chancery but that'd be seen as somewhat insulting to the eyes of Xan. Chanceries are the place where Paladins are connected, where one is the strongest and their connection to him is that much closer, allowing the Keeper to manifest a far stronger power in order to create a realm through an amalgamation of the mists and light to get there. The significance of a Chancery is not just so a Keeper can travel there, but its the holy of holies for a Paladin, where one would go to pray, feel closest to their aengul, and also defend to their very last breath. Also with the mists, using it in combat was possible in the original Paladin lore. Any paladin could just create weaponry/objects from the mists to be able to used in combat. Personally I didn't think it was needed as a combat addition because it'd detract from the two paths of Vindicator and Wyrmstalker in the rewrite. I just liked it as a cool thing to be able to teach with and make some neat roleplay out of. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
shimmeringbliss 267 Share Posted May 2, 2017 Its more like perhaps the mists need more concentration and require the Keeper to be sitting down, that would make it unusable in 1 on 1 combat. There's no reason to purposefully say this cant be used for fights, but just that the cost should make it so it wont be used in combat. As for the gate travel, I think having several Keepers, and perhaps some symbolism of Xan would be neat, as roman augurs do. Auspicious things that Xan would hold in regard, perhaps a golden shield imbued with holy water as a symbol of defending the weak? Or something a bit more gruesome like the paw of a lion that fought bravely to its end. This would open more avenues of roleplay, I think. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
GDPR 014 23 Share Posted May 2, 2017 Good lore, though you may want to dial down the range for a few of the abilities, for example, Lions roar being 20 blocks. While i understand its simply a calming spell, that range is pretty far. I think it'd be a little more reasonable to make it 5-10. Ave Malchediael Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leric 1097 Author Share Posted May 2, 2017 12 minutes ago, ArcanicFable said: Good lore, though you may want to dial down the range for a few of the abilities, for example, Lions roar being 20 blocks. While i understand its simply a calming spell, that range is pretty far. I think it'd be a little more reasonable to make it 5-10. Ave Malchediael I think five would be a bit too low but ten sounds like a good number. Thank you for the feedback! 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Banard 116 Share Posted May 2, 2017 if you removed gold this is would be gold Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
DahStalker 2846 Share Posted May 2, 2017 Good job California roll Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
𝕾𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖌𝖚𝖘𝖍 2236 Share Posted May 2, 2017 The Xan Man Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyRebecca 1050 Share Posted May 2, 2017 Bless this young man and his ability to type things +1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
GodEmperorFlam 3447 Share Posted May 3, 2017 Under review, expect a verdict in about a week. Edit: Moved to pending as of 5/11/17, you will be PM'd about the issues raised. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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