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[✓] Soul Puppetry [Lore Collective] + [Rewrite]


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This rewrite of Soul Puppetry really pulls the magic together, producing a more fun and advanced aspect to it. This rewrite is detailed, thus making it easy to follow and understand. The writing was beautiful, and this should indeed be accepted. My favorite part was when you mentioned the Halflings ;). Please accept this, it literally gives this magic a very nice potential

 

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One of the more interesting magics on the server, and believe it or not I've read up on a bunch of the magics on LOTC. I feel like this would be a well balanced and hearty rewrite of what already existed. I support.

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I share my love.

+1

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I like this lore. It is mucho!

Make of accept, Jentoslav implore you!

And to those that feel like it shouldn't:

tumblr_m8zjrd1O7U1qgzdhjo13_r2_250.gif

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the_marionette_by_xetobyte.jpg

 

Thank you everyone for the wondrous support.

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Interesting to read, definitely expands on a few of the applications that make it able to be more of a Neutral Art instead of a Dark Art.

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This lore has been denied.

 

There are several issues present here. For one, the addition of healing has been seen as an issue. Dropping to tier one after a week of inactivity is also problematic. There are some other buffs seemingly snuck in as well, including T5s not needing a puppet to cast, letting Archons use it, etc. Multiple connections to a single puppet was also raised as an issue. All in all, the piece was a bit difficult to follow, somewhat inconsistent, and gave the magic too many abilities.

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Lore has been moved back into submissions at request of user.

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Changelog:

 

Removed - T5 ability to perform T1 curses by physical touch.

Removed - Disconnection.

 

Clarified - "Healing", known as "Soul Mending" T4 ability. Clarified under conclusions.

 

Added - T5 ability of object puppets.

 

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Ok so all the LMs already went deep into the power level of the magic. I had a raised eyebrow at the healing parts as well as abilities as such might eclipse the clerical dominion, but all right at the end of the day lore balance isn't a chief concern for me personally.

 

What I am concerned about is how much I struggled to get through the whole piece which is mostly due to your tendency for run-on sentences. It isn't all that bad in this thread (Void Mites had it really bad), but it's certainly jarring for texts this long, and as a result it's painful to get past all the commas where a full stop would've been. I would recommend you read up on run-on sentences and try to incorporate the advice Google gives you into your writing.

 

PS: is the backfiring of effects connected to a rolling system at all, or do you just handwave it to be around X% intensity?

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2 minutes ago, Sporadic said:

Ok so all the LMs already went deep into the power level of the magic. I had a raised eyebrow at the healing parts as well as abilities as such might eclipse the clerical dominion, but all right at the end of the day lore balance isn't a chief concern for me personally.

 

What I am concerned about is how much I struggled to get through the whole piece which is mostly due to your tendency for run-on sentences. It isn't all that bad in this thread (Void Mites had it really bad), but it's certainly jarring for texts this long, and as a result it's painful to get past all the commas where a full stop would've been. I would recommend you read up on run-on sentences and try to incorporate the advice Google gives you into your writing.

 

PS: is the backfiring of effects connected to a rolling system at all, or do you just handwave it to be around X% intensity?

0

 

Thank you for getting back to me, English isn't my first language and it was tough for me to pick up especially in writing so do forgive me if the sentences are confusing for both lores I submitted and it'll be good if I can gather some help (I'll pay mina? ? ?).

 

I used google docs if that is what you mean and it's a pickle for me as it says the words and structure of sentences are correct but I believe they're false so I change them... anyway I just need a big grammar edit. 

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The backfire effects happen instantly to the caster before the curse is transferred from a certain percentage depending on level. If it would kill someone, I'll say it'll kill a piece of you to which you can roll for what part of the body, ask the person beside you or choose yourself. 

 

If you're doing a blindness curse, 50% everything is like a night sky and blurry. 40% You can see some light through your retina but everything is blurry. 30% Blurry vision, darkness around the corners of your eye. 20%. Blurry Vision - shortsighted, darkness around the corners of your eye. 10% Full blurry vision.

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2 hours ago, Evocress said:

 

Thank you for getting back to me, English isn't my first language and it was tough for me to pick up especially in writing so do forgive me if the sentences are confusing for both lores I submitted and it'll be good if I can gather some help (I'll pay mina? ? ?).

 

I used google docs if that is what you mean and it's a pickle for me as it says the words and structure of sentences are correct but I believe they're false so I change them... anyway I just need a big grammar edit. 

-

The backfire effects happen instantly to the caster before the curse is transferred from a certain percentage depending on level. If it would kill someone, I'll say it'll kill a piece of you to which you can roll for what part of the body, ask the person beside you or choose yourself. 

 

If you're doing a blindness curse, 50% everything is like a night sky and blurry. 40% You can see some light through your retina but everything is blurry. 30% Blurry vision, darkness around the corners of your eye. 20%. Blurry Vision - shortsighted, darkness around the corners of your eye. 10% Full blurry vision.

 

 

 

Ah what I meant by Google is to just look up a guide on run-on sentences and apply it in your piece. For example I did a quick search and this came up: http://academicguides.waldenu.edu/writingcenter/grammar/runonsentences

It may be helpful for you to read.

 

On a more advanced level, writing is easiest for the reader when you vary your sentence length. Use mostly short sentences. Put a few longer ones in here and there but try to keep most of your sentences short. Sentences with 2+ dependent clauses should be rare.

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How many rewrites until there's no more rewrites

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