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Argos the Iron-Clad; Daemon of War, Wrath and Conquest


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“Artist Depiction of the Daemon of War”

Art Credit: Paizo Publishing

 

 

Argos, The Iron-Clad

Daemon of War, Wrath and Conquest

Titles: The Iron-Clad, Avatar of Conflict, Father of Battle, The Forgotten General

Alignment: Lawful Evil

Sigil: Flaming Sword

Sacred Animal: The Ram

 


 


The Sword of the Divine

 

Before there was Argos, there was Azazel; The Daemon of Glory, a proud yet honorable warrior. His first mentions were during the Wars of Creation against the Void, slaying horror after horror with the zeal and dedication that few could match. Always wanting to earn the respect of his divine peers and best his rivals, he was mostly disliked by his peers. Some due to his arrogance and self-centered nature, and others due to his war-loving tenancies. Azazel was ignorant of their criticisms, surrounding himself with his servants and followers who only shout praises to his name.

 

During his many battles with the Voidal abominations, that was when he was most well-received, where even the Aenguls would speak well of his fighting skills. The praise of his peers continued to please the Warrior Daemon genuinely. His confidence seemingly unending and ever growing, his vibrant speeches to his flashy fighting moves to the splendor that was his decorated armor. However, as other war heroes rose from the war against the void, leading to him desperately trying to upstage any would be rivals. More and more did this campaigns would cost him soldiers and almost his plane of existence. Eventually, on one faithful battle, he was outmaneuvered and overwhelmed. Having to call upon the other Aenguldaemons who were fighting against the void for help, this deeply hurt his pride as the others came and took the glory of this great battle.

 

Slowly returning to his realm; The Bastion Realm of Argus. The Warrior Daemon focused on rebuilding his host and keeping in contact with his cults. Asking of them for praise and battles dedicated to his name, finding the Descendants to be amusing but in the end, nothing but insects to the Daemon. When he first heard of the Arch-aengul’s project of the Soulstream, he decided to help by sending some of his servants to reclaim the souls of honorable warriors. However, in truth, he used it to recruit those willing, and those who worshipped him into his legions. Over the years, he would regain his confidence, yet a growing doubt would haunt him.

 

When the wars became few, and his involvement in the politics of the divine began to fade, slowly The Warrior Daemon became bitter. Where once he dedicated himself entirely to the honorable cause of the defense of Creation, he would sell his blade to the Aenguldaemons that needed seasoned warriors. The only cost would be their acknowledgment and chances of glory. Finding work in slaying the occasional threat, and working through his agents on the mortal plane to earn the love and adoration of the descendants. Doing this for countless years until he received a summons from an unlikely patron, from the returned Arch-daemon; Iblees.


The Hubris of Glory

 

Their meeting was brief, the distraught Warrior Daemon filled with doubt was quick to be persuaded to join in the wars to come. Iblees using his pride and desire to become relevant once more against him. Although The Warrior Daemon held no ill-will towards the mortals, Azazel was promised glory and fame eternal, no longer forgotten.

 

When the war between Iblees and creation had begun, Azazel arrived at the first war council, meeting with the other of his kin who joined on Iblees’ side. Roles were given out; The Warrior Daemon wanted to be on the frontlines, fighting in the vanguard where Azazel could find the glory he sought. However, to his dismay, he was ordered to provide Auxiliary. Despite his many attempts to refute, Iblees dismissed him, telling him that he was not truly loyal to the cause and that he should have been thankful to be even allowed to be on the winning side of history. The Arch-Daemon’s words stabbed at Azazel’s pride like a dagger. He complied and agreed, but would not be pleased with his new role.

 

Armed with his mighty greatsword; Vanquisher, Azazel slew through ranks of Descendants with ease. The Host under his command would fill the gaps in the lines, moving quickly to provide support. Many a time did The Warrior Daemon attempted to prove his worth, to earn his place on the Vanguard, and every attempt left with hollow answers. Despite the treatment, he served as loyally as possible, for despite the growing ill-repute of Iblees. Azazel holds his honor in high regard, refusing to go against the contract that was signed.

 

However, the final straw would be broken, for during the arrival of the Aenguldaemon host to defeat Iblees. The front-lines demolished, and aid was needed, Azazel and his mighty host would arrive quickly, to fill the lines and try to relieve the battered undead legions. Despite his valiant efforts, slowly and gradually his forces were pushed back. Until he was on the defensive, in a final plea to Iblees, he requested aid. Otherwise, he would be outnumbered and overwhelmed. Iblees had given nothing but silence, leaving Azazel to die.

 

This betrayal, shattered the spirit of Azazel, for the first time, he staged a retreat. Survival and spite were driving him to break the contract. During this, a few of his former rivals would surround his battered host and attempt to ambush him. With strikes fueled by rage and the experience of a thousand battles, Azazel barely managed to slay his attackers. Mortally wounded from the action, his forces were scattered, and he returned to Argus.

 

Reborn from Iron

 

Upon his return to his prized realm, he discovered that the wounds inflicted upon him were inflicted upon his realm as well. Slowly regrouping with the remains of his Cult and his Daemonic Host, when he left his physical form. The essence of Azazel was wounded and left weakened, his realm stabilizing him and keeping him from death. For the years following the end of the war, Azazel muted himself from his former brethren. With every next year, his essence was worsening, and his mood grew dark. 

 

His desperation grew as he tried to find a way to reverse his condition. Finding no answers in the voidal arts, he would begin to delve into some of the darker magics for the answer. The Warrior Daemon was bent on one purpose; Vengeance. His grim situation drove him to a fit of depravity as he slowly sent out his cults to kidnap practitioners of the Dark Arts, before interrogating them on the knowledge of Necromancy and Blood Magic.

After many long attempts, a ritual was devised, calling upon his Daemons and cultists to draw blood in their deity’s name. Carving runes into a set of Daemonic Steel armor, runes of power decorated the intimidating set of plate mail. Once the ritual was complete, The Immortal essence of Azazel infused inside the prison of metal. From the dark powers mixed with his divine nature, he was reborn into the Daemon of War; Argos The Iron-Clad.

 

Current Day

 

Although much of his Cult remain in secret, the only unifying features; being the adherence to Argos’ warrior code and them being warriors of prominence. Due to his steady growth, he had begun to gain the notice of other Aenguldaemons, while many would remain neutral or find distaste in his actions, Argos would remain ever distant, preferring to focus on the growth of his influence and power. It is not certain if the other Aenguldaemons remember any knowledge of his former name and crimes, all that is certain is that in any major war or conflict, the servants of Argos will be there. 
 

 


 

The Codes of the Iron-Clad

 

Over the years of foundation since the revival of the cult of Azazel, The Cult of Argos maintains a strict adherence to a set of moral codes. Even amongst the highest of his holy mages dare not break the law, for upon doing so. Marked them for death within the order, to be quickly hunted down and taught the lesson of betraying the Daemon of War.

 

The Sword is the Answer to any Injustice

Poison is for the weak. Ambush is for the Cowardly. Our foes only deserve the Slaughter.

Harm not the Child, for they could become strong.

Do not fight the defenseless, for there is no glory.

Conquer Yourself, Conquer Weakness.

Surrender is Defeat, and Defeat is death.

 


Goal

 

Argos once devoted his existence to becoming the greatest warrior in all of the Creator’s creation. Wanting to have his tales of glory and battle to ring forever and be sung in halls both divine and mortal. However, with his return, his pride had been shattered and his driven nature put to his new goal. Argos wants to slowly rid the physical world of the weak and the cowardly, to replace it with battle-hardened soldiers sworn to his cause. Should he succeed, he shall take his new army, and right all wrongs with force, no more treachery, no abominations of the void, Argos will never be forgotten again.

 


Realm: The Bastion Realm of Argus

 

Formally the creation of Azazel, a sea of Fortresses and mountains. However after his fateful return, the sky was filled with ash, the tall and proud bastions were reduced to ruin, and the landscape destroyed. Yet under Argos, many of the rubble has been rebuilt, and from the central Citadel, a massive forge built. Rivers of Lava fill the shattered chasms of Argus, now used to fuel the endless War machine that the Iron-Clad is preparing. The fallen faithful of Argos find themselves brought to the war-torn realm, the vigors of youth returned to them, and slowly find themselves involved in one of the many roving warbands made of their fellow worshippers. Few cities exist in Argus, with the most prominent one being the City of Bellator. Built around Argos’ citadel and often the first to be provided with the new weapons made by the Daemonic Smiths.  

 

Bellator and the other Fortress Cities are under the iron-fisted rule of Self-made Warlords, former Champions of his cause which brought Martial law to the areas under their sway. To prevent any of them from stagnation, by the demands of their Daemonic master, the Fortress Cities host a series of Realm-wide War Games. Striking each other down, causing the losing Warlords to fall for stronger ones to rise again. Shortly after they succumb to their wounds, they would be restored to ‘life’ to fight once more in the following years. Great fighting pits are commonplace in these Fortress cities, used as entertainment and to train for the battles to come. The strongest of the Warlords are invited to join Argos and his Daemonic war council, as they prepare and plot for their grand crusade.

 

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“One of the many War-torn Ruins in Argus.”

Art Credit: Matchack


 

Manifestations

Likely many Aenguldaemons, Argos rarely ever truly manifests upon the mortal plane, ever since the mortal wounds he suffered during the Great War with Iblees, he had been wary to ever return fully to the mortal plane. Instead, he shows a glimpse of his form through visions and illusions. He universally appears as a giant of a humanoid figure clad in darkened plate-mail. The only opening in his battle-scarred armor, being the visor, revealing only a burning pyre. His voice a metallic roar, speaking harshly and straight to the point, whenever his presence is nearby, all weapons and armor begin to stir and shake as if seeking to strike out against a hidden foe.

 

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(Modified skin) Original Skin Credit: Gleeshers

 


 

Following

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“A devoted Cultist of Argos, coming down upon his foe with a frenzy.”

(Ignore the gun)

Art Credit: mynameisbryon

 

Adjective: Argosi 

 

Warriors, Mercenaries, Barbarians, Those consumed by Violence, these are the men and women who are called to worship Argos. The Iron-Clad had slowly built from the ashes of Azazel’s cult, a growing legion of various warbands and followers. These factions are organized in such a way, that they are almost entirely indistinguishable to Mercenary Companies. The leaders of these Warbands are often Holy Mages of the Daemon, who use their soldiers and self as instruments of the Iron-Clad’s Will.

 

Despite the seemingly organized nature of his worship, conflict and infighting are rampant, as multiple different cults would often challenge each other, to test their strength and to purge the undesirable weakness that could exist in their ranks. There is no prayer or official holy text. They venerate Argos through dedicating their battles in his name. Every wrong made right grants The Iron-Clad power, every fight a sermon in his name. While complete worship is not required to join these cults, their loyalty to the Codes of Argos and desire to further his goals is the only requirement.

 

Within the numbers of Argosi Warbands, each of them slowly develop their own cultures. From minor changes to the usual religious uniform to extreme cases of cannibalistic rituals, believing that it would grant them the victim's strength. It is not uncommon for Dark Mages to find themselves serving such Warbands due to The Iron-Clad's neutrality of Dark Arts. This behavior causes some Cults to reinforce their mortal warriors with the undead. 

 

In the old days of Azazel, his faithful would garb themselves in bronze armor, decorated with feathers and trophies of the glories of past victories. However, in the current day, they clad themselves head to toe in darkened plate, taking the appearance of Argos himself. Those gifted with magic, take it a step further and create enchanted helms that produce an illusionary fiery visor and metallic voice so they can fully emulate their Master.


 

Patrons

 

Vindicta The Avenger; Patron of Ironic Justice

 

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“There is no shadow too dark. Her haze will find thee. Her justice will not be restrained, The Fires of justice will never be quenched."

Art Credit: Aerenwyn

The Patron of Ironic Justice arrives when a sincerely horrible injustice kills a descendant. She can see such hatred fills their heart in their last moments. They find in the darkness by an armored woman, her cold eyes filled with a calculating rage. She comes with an offer, to become an instrument of their justice, to the right the wrongs brought to them. The only price, being their eternal soul joining the cause of Argos. Should they accept the bargain, The Avenger restores them to life. However, the form they take is a monstrous being.

 

Some believe that the Avenger was initially been a young and loving mother who had their lives destroyed before their eyes. After the death of her husband and child, her grief and hatred earned her the attention of Argos. Taking his offer for justice, she was given magical boons to turn her into a force of nature. Once she finished the deed, Argos came back to complete the transaction. He wanted a tool, a servant to spread his influence. Teaching her how to bestow the same ‘gifts’ to others, she roams near the edge of the Soulstream, looking upon the fresh deceased to grant her Master’s Justice, drawn to vengeful souls like a moth to light. 

 

Manifestations:

Spoiler

 

Vindicta rarely if not never manifests outside of the form of an armored woman with stern features and cold eyes. She speaks only to the dead, only those who were full of such hatred and bitterness. Attracted to them like a moth to a fire, she would offer them the justice they sought. Those who accept would have flesh made a new returning them to the mortal world as instruments of Vengeance. In return, they would be taken to her master’s realm, to join in his growing army for the war to come. By current day, there are only three recorded monsters of her creation. Each of these creatures being the former souls of Descendants, whose hatred had warped them and the haze of bloodlust filling their thoughts. Anymore have not yet been discovered, and some believe that she is responsible for the Graven. However, no proper evidence could back such claims.

(ET Only, Only used in Events)

 

The Goregoat

 

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"An Artist's depiction of the Goregoat."

Art Credit to pure-in-heart

 

Those who died for a falsely accused crime, these ‘scapegoats’ are given a form to fit The Avenger’s ironic sense of Justice. The form they take appears to be a monstrous winged goat-like humanoid that usually stands at the height of your average Uruk. Granted flesh-rending claws and unyielding strength, the Goregoats are bent on one mission. To find the accuser who damned them to such a fate, and forces them to admit to the truth before being butchered by the cruel beast.  

 

They can take the form of a mundane goat and is almost indistinguishable except for their voice. Instead of ‘baah,' when the Goregoat opens their mouth, they produce the sound of a human screaming. They have the total memory of their past life, and would often return to the site of their death. Once they have gained their revenge, they slowly turn into a mundane goat, as the vengeful soul leaves the body. This site is often most confusing to guards and lawmen, as they arrive at the place of the crime, to only discover a seemingly random goat near the ravaged body.

 

 Advantages


.The Goregoat is a powerful combatant, relying on their brute strength and claws to tear apart their enemies with ease. The Avenger granted them the ferocity of beast and the intelligence of man. While their claws cannot go through plate mail, the sheer power of their blows can dent and crush plate and bones. Their strength equal to that of a Seasoned Orcish warrior.

 

.They do not require food or drink to survive, and seem to not suffer from exhaustion.

 

.They can transform into a humanoid of any race; however, they must have a sign of their true nature, such as strange animalistic eyes, or horns. 

 

.Can return to life after being slain, so long as the beast remains restless in their desire to kill the offender, they will come back in a month’s time (1 IRL day) in a random location miles away from their death site. However, they will have forgotten their killer’s deed.  

 

Disadvantages

.They lack the free will to have any goals outside of revenge for their past life, so fully dedicated to their cause that they will often ignore any other targets, Nether bent on slaying their foe.

 

.Is extremely vulnerable to calming magic, and should they be made magically pacified or magically induced not to feel the negative emotions that grant them form, over the course of five rounds, the soul slowly returns to the Soulstream, and the Goregoat turns into a goat prematurely before they gain their revenge.

 

.Has a weakness for fire, due to the furs of the Goregoat, it can be quickly lit on fire and feel extreme pain from doing so. 

 

.They cannot use magic, even if in their original life they were a mage, they would find that their new form is devoid of a connection to the void. Beings with a divine connection cannot become a Goregoat, as the Avenger just allows their soul to return to their patron, not wanting to give their master unwanted attention from the other deities.

 

They cannot attack in their disguised form and must spend at least 2-3 emotes of transformation. 

 

The Tenerabras 

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“A Male Tenerabras, roaming the wastes of Ebrietæs searching for recruits for the armies of Argos.”
Art Credit: Vulpes-lbculta

 

Warrior’s slain by dishonorable means, from poisons to treachery, such actions fill a fighter’s soul with pure rage. Their souls burn the brightest upon the gaze of Vindicta, like a moth to a fire. Those who accept her bargain, are returned to the mortal realm. Their cold gray skin was underlying the fiery wrath they seek to bring. Their eyes a burning red, detailing the raging soul within, bolstered by the volatile powers of the Daemon. Whatever weapon they touch, just radiated with a fiery glow, able to cut through most metals and sear flesh and bone. Their first life, they seek out the death of the ones that wronged them, relying on brute force and the aid of The Iron-Clad’s Cult to reap bloody justice.

 

However their service to the Patron of Ironic Justice, and in return, Argos is far from done. Where the other creations of The Avenger would just return to Argus, The Tenerabras would roam Ebrietæs; The Soulstream. Personally delivering the souls of Argos’ faithful to his realm, and when they are not awaiting the spirits of the Iron-Clad, they will roam the deserts of the damned. Seeking the souls of the dark, and offer them a simple choice; to remain in their prison, or cut away all ties and join Argos. Should they accept, The Tenerabras would escort their soul to Argus, to accede to the Legions of the Iron-Clad.

 

When they are needed, when the Cults of Argos go to war and know that they will need the might of their God with them. The highest members of the clergy, most often powerful Holy Mages of Argos would perform a dark and secret ritual. Some of the Tenerabras would reward their helpers with a blood-red stone called The “Dark Seed,” with these seeds, they would take the still living body of a captured descendant, almost always a war criminal or traitor of the Cult. Once they are properly bound, the Cult would take a heated blade and slowly cut open their stomach, stopping at the start of the rib cage. Afterwards, they would insert the seed into their bodies, slowly killing them. Once it is complete, the seed’s creator would possess the body of their victim. 

 

With their short while return to the world of the living, The Tenerabras serves the Cult as a mighty warrior, spiritual guide, and sometimes as their leader. Acting by the Will of Argos, they would often lead said factions though brutal campaigns of Conflict and revenge. Holy Mages within the cult would feel their powers increase, and the mundane hordes of warriors thrown into an unrelenting trance of steel and blood. However, due to their destructive and explosive personalities, they are as much of a risk as they are a boon.  For should two Tenerabras meets, they will end up fighting, and often this would lead to two cults, fighting a brutal war over minor slights. 

 

Advantages


.The Tenerabras is a dangerous foe. They have the fighting expertise of a veteran warrior with supernatural reflexes and speed. However what makes them dangerous is whatever weapon they touch, temporarily becomes magical, radiating the heat of a forge and can melt through metal as well as flesh. 

 

.They are most active in groups of Cultists, warriors friendly to the Tenerabras are unable to be affected by fear and enter a trance state of violence. Warriors will throw themselves into the enemy without flinching.

 

.[First Form] Can return to life after being slain, so long as the beast remains restless in their desire to kill the offender, they will come back in a month’s time (1 IRL day) in a random location miles away from their death site. However, they will have forgotten their killer’s deed.

 

.[Returned Form] They are no longer beholden by their desires of revenge, and gain a degree of free Will that the others lacked.

 

Disadvantages

 

.The Tenerabras lacks any form of magic outside of the blessings of their creation, due to their souls warped beyond repair, they are unable to use voidal magics.

 

.On their own, they can be quickly overwhelmed and destroyed, as, despite the boons granted to them, they lack superhuman resilience.

 

.They are in both forms, vulnerable to any magic that calm emotions or remove them all together, should after five rounds of being magically pacified, they return to Argus. 

 

.[Returned Form] They no longer return to life after being slain. Instead, they are banished back to the Soulstream, where they return to their mission of recruiting the dead and escorting the Souls of Argos’ faithful to Argus.

 

[Returned Form] Despite being summoned into the world, they are not under the control of the summoner, and due to the violent and explosive nature of the Tenerabras, could quickly try to take the reigns of the Warband, usually ending with their summoner’s death. However, if they are subdued and beaten in honorable combat, they will willingly serve under their summoner, until they against the Codes of Argos or banished.

 

[Returned Form] Due to their natures, summoners would be greatly advised not to summon more than one, for, despite the rarity of the Dark Seed, Tenerabras are very quick to anger when pairs meet and often will fight to the death.

 

 
 
 

 

The Eternal Legion

 

The Legionnaires of Argos are a rare group of mortals granted boons by the Iron-Clad, often making up the elite or leading cults of Argos themselves. Acting as the closest thing resembling Holy Mages to Argos, they are combatants who draw upon their divine connection to empower their weapons and wreak vengeance upon the many foes to Argos. The magic they wield only used to improve their physical prowess as warriors and the connection, slowly destroying their bodies from the violent energies. 

 

(This will be greatly expanded upon in a separate lore post, however, should it be denied, the Argos lore will remain.)


 

OOC Notes:

 

Influenced by:

-Ares from Greek Mythology

-Gorum from Pathfinder’s Golorion Campaign Setting

-Tempus from D&D’s Forgotten Realms Campaign Setting

-Khorne from Warhammer Fantasy/40,000

 

I wrote this lore because I felt there was no Aenguldaemon dedicated to War, although there are multiple Aenguldaemons that are waging war and have war-like qualities. I wanted to write an Aenguldaemon for straight up war, for groups of warriors and mercenaries to worship. However, after taking advice from Aelesh, I expanded on the concept and added in Vengeance. Allowing a more concrete and ambitious goal for Argos to have. Also, I wanted to write an Aenguldaemon that creates ideas for events, such as groups of mercenary companies dedicated to him being hired to attack a settlement, an individual or group of people seeking protection and refuge from a vengeful being created by his Patron; Vindicta.

 

Should an ET or other staff member have questions about how they would react in certain situations, or need help in developing an event line, I do not bite and would love to help anyone incorporate this Aenguldaemon in their events. As for players wanting to create cults of him, I plan on already doing that, and if you wish for any information or want to join, I’m always open to talking.

 

Lore References:

 

https://www.lordofthecraft.net/forums/topic/97770-the-aengudaemon-lore/

 

https://www.lordofthecraft.net/forums/topic/121438-iblees-daemon/

 

https://www.lordofthecraft.net/forums/topic/139713-the-planes-of-existence-world-lore/

 

 

 

Written by

JordanXlord/LordCommander

 

Lore Advice and Help from:

@Master Sage Delaselva

@The Fire Mind

@Order's Disciple

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first +1

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1. There's already an Aengul of Strength.

2. Azazel is the name of an Athna if that matters.

 

Otherwise, looks good!

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14 minutes ago, DPM said:

Another Aengudaemon? Didn't the community just whine and ***** to completely block the last one? Seem's like a pointless idea but nonetheless good lore.

 

 

I think that was more about Aengudaemonic events, nothing wrong with some cool lore. And that Aengul still exists, just the event line was stopped. +1 to the OP.

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1 hour ago, Aegon Targaryen said:

1. There's already an Aengul of Strength.

2. Azazel is the name of an Athna if that matters.

 

Otherwise, looks good!

 

1. Is there really? well if so, I'll easily fix it, thanks for letting me know.

2. Well that Azazel is a Demon from biblical mythology, a funny coincidence that things share names

 

37 minutes ago, Dewlox™ said:

That's a recolored paladin skin...

 

I will not lie, I did in fact find the base skin on Planet Minecraft, made sure it wasn't a "No use on LoTC" skin. If you wish, I will add the artist credit of the original skin.

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No, lotc needs no more of these parasitic beings for the staff to get attracted to

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+1 looks like a fun lore! 

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I happen to know that you've worked on this lore tirelessly for a long time, and it really shows. The effort displayed here is admirable and I commend you for it.

 

Furthermore, while I cannot pretend to know the current feelings of the LT on Aengudaemonic submissions, I do know that you are willing to work with anyone and everyone to make this lore a credit to the server. Therefore, though I foresee possible issues and discrepacies, I can whole-heartedly and without hesitation give you my +1 endorsement.

 

Nice work, Jordan.

 

 

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Not to rain on your parade, but I dont see how the dread patrician fits, especially with its abilities. To me, it looks like it would fit with another god, perhaps trickery, deceit, hunger even (looking at that magic touch specifically). Otherwise,iI really like the concept; I hope to see a cult for Argos, trying to start conflict and all.

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I like the lore a a lot it's nice and we'll written but lotc really doesn't need any more aenguldaemons. If anything, some of the existing ones need to be removed. 

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5 hours ago, The Fire Mind said:

Not to rain on your parade, but I dont see how the dread patrician fits, especially with its abilities. To me, it looks like it would fit with another god, perhaps trickery, deceit, hunger even (looking at that magic touch specifically). Otherwise,iI really like the concept; I hope to see a cult for Argos, trying to start conflict and all.

 

No need to worry about raining on my parade, constructive criticism is critical to improvement. If you can think of a better concept or a way to fix it, I'm totally game.

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2 hours ago, LordCommander said:

If you can think of a better concept or a way to fix it, I'm totally game.

I think it'd be cool if you gave them a Valkyrie sort of vibe, to where they might pick up dead followers and guide them along to Argos. In addition, give them the ability to inspire zeal, and able to empower the sides they're on. I can see this causing some interesting creature conflict when you have two of them on different sides. That concept fits Argos' dominions in my eyes! 

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After @The Fire Mind's Suggestion, I have replaced the Dread Patrician with the Tenerabras. I had a lot of fun writing the new creature.  

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It's so long the LMs might TLDR it and overlook that you wrote a secondary character into the Iblees story. I'd recommend against that. Iblees is sort of core lore for LotC and if we all give our OC (do not steal) a relation to the big bad we turn into fanfiction.net.

 

You're writing is decent, minor mistakes across the board but nothing terribly jarring. I've seen lore pieces with way worse offenses getting through the approval process. The main issue for me is how long it is, I don't get how this novel-length piece is going to translate into an action-packed and gripping RP opportunity. I feel most people would rather create their own "fake" patron saint than go through the entirety of this to find inspiration. The main marketability of this lore, in my opinion. are your Daemon's patrons, so maybe chop the paragraphs outside of that by about half.

 

The Patron of Ironic Justice is the highlight of the lore for me but

 

Quote

.They have the ability to transform into a simple looking goat, hiding their true nature from all.

 

... that's just silly

 

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10 hours ago, Sporadic said:

It's so long the LMs might TLDR it and overlook that you wrote a secondary character into the Iblees story. I'd recommend against that. Iblees is sort of core lore for LotC and if we all give our OC (do not steal) a relation to the big bad we turn into fanfiction.net.

 

You're writing is decent, minor mistakes across the board but nothing terribly jarring. I've seen lore pieces with way worse offenses getting through the approval process. The main issue for me is how long it is, I don't get how this novel-length piece is going to translate into an action-packed and gripping RP opportunity. I feel most people would rather create their own "fake" patron saint than go through the entirety of this to find inspiration. The main marketability of this lore, in my opinion. are your Daemon's patrons, so maybe chop the paragraphs outside of that by about half.

 

The Patron of Ironic Justice is the highlight of the lore for me but

 

 

... that's just silly

 

 

I will begin to rewrite the backstory with said things in mind. I will greatly reduce the relation between Argos and Iblees . I wanted to detail as much as I could, however I will try to be more concise in the backstory as well as go through more editing to fix the writing mistakes.

 

Thank you for responding.

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