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[✓] ⛧ Naztherak Addition - Gifts of the Red Prince ⛧

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A cabal of Naztherak preparing for the Communion of the Serpent

 

⛧ Gifts of the Red Prince ⛧
Also known amongst the occult as “Therak-Rokar,” the Red Prince is an enigmatic manipulator glimpsed only by the oldest of Naztherak who visits to this day, his schemes and plots shrouded in mystery and so deeply convoluted and intricate the zar’akal merely vaguely speculate at his motives. Steeped in obscurity, the Red Prince presents himself to the Naztherak only to stir the pot of turmoil amongst themselves and with his most recent appearance a host of new boons have been granted, the gifts of the Red Prince.

 

Among these endowments by Therak-Rokar is the chaotic tongue Ilzakarn, knowledge of the Zar’rokul Pentacle, the tools for Communion, the products of pacts. 

 

 

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Ilzakarn

 


Known by warlocks of demonic cabals merely as the “chaotic tongue” and a language of foul and infernal origin, such is Ilzakarn. This obscure and black language is based in the ancient spirit dialect, Old Blah, and uses the grammar and script of Al’tahrn-Durngo, a tongue devised by the Greater Spirit of Fear and Insanity, Ikuras. It is thought that it was Ixli who was the one to craft this infernal tongue yet no record can account for the machinations of the Greater Spirit of Forbidden Knowledge.

 

[Recorded privately to avoid metagaming.]

 

Spells of malflame scribed in a Naztherak’s grimoire in rakir take the form of a three part string, a phrase in Ilzakarn glyphs, the same runes which brand inferis to a prince. These spells are formulated in three parts, the first always the same: ‘rok’ is the core word to malflame spells, ‘fire’ in Ilzakarn. Following ‘rok’ comes the size of the spell added onto ‘rok’, defined as diminutive, small, medium, large, and giant; -maul, -kharv, -kot, -hzak, and -viit. Following the size comes the shape, the form in which the malflame takes added on with a hyphen, an instantaneous structure such as a ball or something sustained over time such as a wall. There are many shapes and many words for their forms in Ilzakarn which shall not be listed here. As well, malices may be added as an optional, fourth segment to add auxiliary effects to the malflame such as desolation or temptation. Example spells of malflame written or spoken in Ilzakarn may be:

 

Rokhzak-dhurz , a large malflame ball.
Rokkharv-norrvut, a small malfame pillar.
Rokkot-niirk vorzhnak, a medium malflame whip laced with Desolation.


 

Naztherak begin to learn Ilzakarn as they master their occult pyromancy and most masters and few rare scholars of questionable morals are versed enough to hold conversation in the language. Unlike Al’tahrn-Durngo it lacks the staticy, ear-biting quality when hurt but rather can cause mortal listeners and speakers to feel faint, fleeting pulses of warmth which if prolonged may induce mild sweating akin to the physical of anxiety. Where the Black Language caused exhaustion and stinging in the eyes of those who read it, the Chaotic Tongue induces dryness and agitation in the eyes when its glyphs are read. As well, all markings of Ilzakarn darken upon what they are written, ink or carvings appearing charred or irregular in texture and feel warm to the touch. It is as well possible for certain names, powerful signatures of greater inferi, to spawn fire upon what they are inscribed upon and are unsafe to be recorded lest they ignite a hidden tome or scorch a rock face.

 

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[Ra’ikzliir za’ikzzuth, Naztherak, kul rokmael mokurz.]

 

 

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The Zar’rokul Pentacle

 


The inferis hierarchy is a simple thing. “Ra’drakurz raht roknoth kuul ra’vaznan amol tul.” The weak are meat and the strong do eat. These infernal fiends know only hunger and chaos but one thing defines them; power. To every inferis there is always a bigger fish and even those on top aren’t safe from their peers. Their world is one fraught with turmoil and pandemonium where conquest and voracity reign supreme and few know this paradoxical laws best than the zar’rokul. Zevn, imps; zekul, beasts; zar’ei, twisted ones; zar’kiel, twisted lords; zar’akal, twisted kings; a new breed are the zar’rokul, twisted dragons. Zar’rokul are finite in number, a cabal of five, yet are mighty like their follow zentherak for they leash lesser zar’kiel beneath them who each in turn bear their own raving hordes of inferis and mad, demonic warlocks of dark sorcery. They are the supreme powers warped by Ikuras and Ixli and are thus forces to be reckoned with yet their hunger has pushed them outside the mortal realm.


 

Referred to as the as the Zar’rokul Pentacle or merely the Pentacle (“Urdol” in Ilzakarn), these inferis were each dragon souls who passed from the material plane towards Ebrietaes but were corrupted by Ikuras and Ixli, malformed into the all-enemy antithesis of inferis, embodied in dragonfire as smouldering souls of the roiling chaos. First Velketzar then Xandraza and Chysteria then Elahicol and Setherien. They are Velkuzat the  Goat, Drazhana the Bat, Kiiztria the Snake, Kholidav the Crow, and Zathairn the Black Cat.  As Greater Inferis their past lives mean little to the Zar’rokul rather they were lessons to inform their new eternal mission, the throttling of Creation and the savoring of its every choking breath. The divine powers of the material plane swatted off the inferis scourge of the Zar’rokul with every invasion, their assaults singular and concentrated, and so the demonic dragonkin were banished to other far away, godless worlds to waste away. There eternal wars have been waged, each lost in a planar struggle against the fiendish invasion of the zar’rokul and zar’kiel and their howling hordes. Some worlds have fallen to the demon incursion and through cataclysmic witchcraft they have been fused into a layered array of planes forming the High Hells (“Moz Strimoza” in Ilzakarn), a amalgamation of fallen and conquered planes to form the home of the Zentherak lords, zar’kiel and zar’rokul alike; it is a place of constant war and torment where blood has soaked into the bedrock of the world, dried, and flaked away like sewage in the sun to form webs of hellish ore, rokodra. Few inferis smiths hold the knowledge to shape and forge rokodra, least of all harvest it from the burning earth, but the secrets to its craft and use are privy to little but the zar’rokul.

 

While the Pentacle feud and war with one another their own avarice benefits one another for the plunder of one often becomes the plunder of another; no single zar’rokul remains most powerful for long before their brethren dominate them and perpetuate an endless cycle of betrayal and self-defeating hunger. It is fortunate for Creation these fiends fight over scraps amongst themselves lest they all conspire and march upon the many worlds -- an impossible event. Yet they do have some commonalities, namely their affluence for a thing most dark and most dangerous, the binding of pacts (“akomka” in Ilzakarn).


 

 

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Communion of the Zar’rokul

 


While the zar’rokul are locked to the High Hells of Moz Strimoza and the planes beyond which they conquer, the mortal realm goes untouchable due to the guardians overhead; they find it to be the most tantalizing of forbidden fruits. These greater inferi seek out Naztherak through an open channel offered by the Red Prince and taught by the zar’akal he has shown to seed their influence into the plane yet they can never manifest themselves or have their greater slaves summoned lest the divine descend and smite them low. To circumvent that threat the pact was devised, a bargain written in rakir and paid in both maleus and a piece of the soul for no zar’rokul would give power so easily no matter how beneficial it is to themselves. With a pentacle and Ilzakarn rite written in rakir with an appropriate animal sacrifice -- a goat for Velkuzat, a bat for Drazhana, a snake for Kiiztria, a crow for Kholidav, or a black cat for Zathairn -- a prince may begin communion (“nizarhuk” in Ilzakarn) with a zar’rokul specifically prepared for.

 

While the greatest of the inferi are eager to make these pacts and are keen to hear out any communion from the mortal realm, their avarice knows no bounds and they will always lay out their price. For the feats they may grant a Naztherak must make sacrificial offerings to appease the zar’rokul, linking them forever. The costs are thus for all pacts:

 

-The prince must forsake a piece of their soul to the zar’rokul. This costs them a permanent magic slot which can never be regained, even if Naztherak is dropped.
-The prince must allow the zar’rokul to imbibe upon all of the maleus stored within their cistern, draining it entirely no matter how much is stored within.
-The prince must allow the zar’rokul into their mind. At least once a week their dreams are haunted by the terror of the greater inferis and shakes them, leaving the Naztherak disturbed until they can shake off the fright. The newly initiated often experience hallucinations relating to their patron whilst waking and for prolonged periods; the more experienced may temper these episodes into occasional, intense nightmares.


 

For making a pact a prince -- or any inferis with Naztherak who, in their case, do not give up a portion of their soul -- is granted the knowledge of rokodra forging and boons and banes across all pacts and a familiar and malice specific to the zar’rokul (“rokodra rovuthtar”,“ketz kull narthuz”, “striith”, and “dronak” respectively in Ilzakarn).

 

 

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Rokodra Forging

 


Where Moz Strimoza is a patchwork abomination of a plane, dense and layered, it acts as a natural Cistern to stagnate inferis blood within, a substance as elemental as water to the point of replacing it -- the High Hells filled with flowing rivers and rain of blood -- which seeps through the scorching earth to coagulate deep in the rock and congeal into a powdery clot-like ore in veins throughout the underground. Mined and dredged by inferis slaves and refined by zar’kiel metallurgists, rokodra is the product of the furnaces of the High Hells shaped only by the tongues of malflame. This material, generally a dark, cold, subdued grey-blue metal has the quality of ferrum but bears numerous unique qualities which thus makes it quite valuable to the zar’rokul who lord over the warbands they outfit with this metal; they do not give it up so easily.

 


Rokodra, once refined and crafted into solid metal, resists all heat. It is bizarrely chilled to the touch and can even cause skin to go numb if held or touched for longer than a minute for non-inferis; mortals who wear rokodra armor often layer leather beneath. Because rokodra is immune to the effects of heat it can withstand any amount of incineration and torching, unable to be torched into pieces or forged by a normal blacksmith. Instead, rokodra responds to malflame as though it were an intense fire, Naztherak capable of casting a ‘torch’ or ‘forge’ shape of malflame (“roghazk” and “rovuth”) which are superior methods of heating and shaping malflame, used in its forging into weapons, armor, and tools.

 

What makes rokodra metal so useful regarding Naztherak is that since it is borne of the inferis, blood turned steel, it persists with them through summoning. The great demon lords of the High Hells outfit their elite inferis with suits and armaments of rokodra which, when banished and summoned once again, come armed and ready to serve. So too may rokodra ‘activate’ through rakir inscriptions in Ilzakarn upon the metal, ridges seething and exuding fettered, light-warping exhaust colored after the malflame of the scribe as an auxiliary effect and is often used by the zar’rokul and other greater inferis to mark their legions for easy identification. This occurs when fresh inferis blood touches the metal or when malflame is present within a meter of the rokodra, however adept, expert, and master Naztherak may will this coloring into existence too.

 

Lastly, rokodra has a unique property with inscribed rakir in that it may bind inferis spirits to its metal, creating effects appropriate to the class and type of the inferis used. MArts may be made to create Naztherak-enchanted weapons, armor, or tools of any creative variety.

 

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A suit of armor made of activated rokodra.

 

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A set of activated chained sickles made of rokodra.

 

 

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Boons and Banes

 


Where Ilzakarn has no inherent power, rakir does, and together the Chaotic Tongue may give form to the amorphous, shapeless fury of the inferis. With rakir made from striith blood  inscriptions of Ilzakarn, be it in the form of a tattoo on skin or inking upon an object worn or held, Naztherak may mark people or objects with boons or banes to give various effects, signatures of the fiendish used to empower or curse. Any pact-bound Naztherak may learn these boons and banes for inscription. So long as the Ilzakarn writing is preserved and its markings are solid the infernal magic will remain; carvings may be scratched out, tattooed flesh may be inked over or cut off, and simple blood-on-material writing may be washed away or rubbed off in order to dispel the magic. Deific magic may too purge inscriptions, stripping the blood of its stagnated maleus.
 

 

Rakir inscriptions for boons or banes require maleus refueling, necessitating a Naztherak repeat the inscription with a new layer of rakir, be it a tattoo or carving. Inscriptions only last for two IRL weeks.
 


Boons

-Firesight (“rokhont”): the individual does not feel pain when looking into bright lights such as an explosion, into the sun, or by magical light. This does not prevent being blinded or damage to eyesight, merely the sting of it.
-Devilskin (“zevirakun”): the individual is tepid to the touch as if warmed by fire and feels warm at all times. This does not cause burning or ward off cold.
-Pactlord’s Boon (“akomkiel’zak ketz”): the individual more easily befriends, tames, and handles the appropriate representative animal of their zar’rokul. This does not allow for instant taming.
-Ascendancy (“hahkduv”): the individual may passively float or levitate no more than a foot off the ground. This does not allow for flight, fall immunity, an increase in speed, or any other mechanical advantage.
-Eyes of Watyll (“hont za’watyll”): the individual may read any writing at half their normal reading speed no matter its language. This does not allow the reader to inherently learn or teach any unfamiliar language.
-Firetamer (“rokvhiitlu”): the individual may kindle embers and grow budding fire to no more than a small bonfire or torch and may extinguish flames no larger than a small bonfire or torch at will within one foot.
-Shadowsight (“ikzhont”): the individual may see well enough in darkness to perceive depth, shape, and muted color (brightness setting: bright).


 

Banes

-Flaming Eye (“hont-roktar”): the individual feels increased sensitivity towards light and easily experiences eye pain when out in the sun or when looking at fire or magical light. 
-Searing (“viizrtar”): the individual is hot to the touch as if too close to a fire and feels hot and sweaty at all times as if under an intense fever and has flashes of mild burning along the skin near the inscription.
-Pactlord’s Bane (“akomkiel’zak narthuz”): the individual causes appropriate representative animals of the zar’rokul to be wary of, adverse to, or outright hostile to them. This does not allow for instant attacks.
-Dark Eye (“ikzlat hont”): the individual has problems perceiving depth, shape, and color in darkness (brightness setting: moody).
-Illiteracy (“utwatuvduv”): the individual can no longer read or write.
-Smoker (“rhazthorlu”): smoke and exhaust produced by flame has a tendency to waft into the face of the individual, making being near campfires, forges, braziers, or other such sources of fire to be uncomfortable. This does not allow for immediate suffocation, merely annoyance and coughing. 
-Infernal Mutation (“zevirlat thaznitnak”): the individual is cursed to bear demonic, warped children. The offspring of the cursed individual develop discolorations of the skin appropriate to the Naztherak author’s malflame color and may develop features such as forked tongues, slitted, small, large, or no pupils, a serpentine tail, scales, exceptional paleness or melanin-darkness, hair or nails which bleed when cut, lack nails, or have webbed digits.

 

 

Pact-bound Naztherak may also formulate their own boons or banes and teach them, necessitating a MArt.

 

 

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Pact Familiars

 


The closest a zar’rokul can get to manifesting in the mortal realm, a striith is an animalistic representation of the greater inferis, a higher zekul slave to both the Naztherak and lord of the High Hells. This inferis takes the covert appearance of a mere pet, an animal symbolizing the zar’rokul -- a goat, bat, snake, crow, or black cat -- albeit is a disguised fiend nonetheless. Forsaking most of their affluence with malflame conjuring, the striith may serve the prince as they see fit and act as an extension of their will, their right hand and subservient minion. These inferis, whilst majorly mundane and usual, have slight tweaks and abnormalities to their appearance. They take appear subtly off such as being albino, having red or bleeding eyes, being slightly abnormally large or small, have longer and wicked talons or fangs, having abnormally large or many teeth, and so on as creatively as devised by the zar’rokul so long as the inferis is recognizable as the animal they represent. They may be more outlandish and visibly demonic such as being horned or colored after the malflame of the prince however such traits are often undesirable for subterfuge and deception are the tools of the striith. The mental connection with a zar’rokul is mirrored with a prince’s striith and allows them to communicate telepathically with their servant if within eyesight or whispering distance, allowing them to be ordered silently. These servants allow for three things.

 


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A nearly zar’ei-like striith of Velkuzat, a dangerous form.

 

Striith are potent sources of maleus. If roasted by their prince they may provide ample stores of the substance to be kept in a cistern as though they were a mortal and, because they are branded, may be resummoned endlessly however a prince may only return their familiar an IRL week after harvesting them. As well, the striith is a source of potent inferis blood which makes for a unique sort of rakir, one shimmering and iridescent yet colored after the prince’s malflame. This secondary rakir may be used to inscribe spells within their grimoire which are capable of being fueled by the Naztherak’s pact malice, the effect unable to be added to spells not otherwise written in this secondary rakir, often leading Naztherak to keep two cisterns -- one for usual rakir and one for their striith’s -- for bleeding their familiar dry acts the same as harvesting them for maleus and demanifests them for an IRL week. Lastly, striith function as competent servants for the prince and may carry out orders such as delivering messages, performing tasks they are physically capable of, or aiding the prince in some event. Their diminutive malflame abilities are on par with imps and they may summon and sling, at most, coin-sized malflame embers.

 

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A Naztherak playing off their striith of Drazhana as a mere docile pet.

 

The personality of a striith is a fickle thing. They are blatantly manipulative and have the temperment of inferis however they have the intelligence and mental craft of greater inferi, wise and tricky things. Whilst they hold no true loyalty to their prince, because they are branded they cannot harm them and are forced to obey their commands yet are independant creatures otherwise. Princes who frequently harvest their striith often have toxic and foul relationships with their familiar whilst those who have agreeable personalities -- both being deceptive, greedy, malicious, and generally like minded and chaotic -- may get along with one another and may even aid one another in their pursuits and don’t necessarily have to be ordered. Naztherak must be wary, however, for should they show weakness and be of weak mind their striith may become more antagonistic and persuasive, sometimes causing princes to undergo role reversal where the striith has socially dominated their master and whilst still branded and beneath their control manipulate their prince and torment them as they have been tormented or merely for the sake of satiating evil desires.  

 

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A striith of Kiiztria who has dominated their master and manipulates them, causing extensive mental and emotional abuse.

 

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A striith of Kholidav and its master.

 

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A simple roadside vagabond and her striith of Zathairn.

 

 

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Pact Malices

 


The zar’rokul are embodied in their malices, five additional effects to malflame gained through a pact. They are as follows:

 

Velkuzat the Goat
Gluttony: malflame laced with Gluttony causes those burned with it to become increasingly famished and distracted with thoughts of consumption and satiation. Their hunger grows and grows the more powerful the spell until the peak of becoming mad with ravenousness which will cause the individual to seek out anything to eat, ranging from random objects such as glass marbles or metal utensils to the flesh of those nearby or mere grass. At most the spell will last for one hour.


 

Drazhana the Bat
Dread: malflame laced with Dread causes those burned with it to become increasingly fearful and filled with horror. Victims have their fight, flight, or freeze instincts triggered and will pursue such primal urges as brawling, fleeing, or be frozen still with increasing swiftness to act the more potent the spell. At most Dread will induce extensive physiological symptoms of fear and cause the victim to pursue their instinctual response up to an hour following the burn.


 

Kiiztria the Snake
Venom: malflame laced with Venom causes those burned with it to ill as though struck with a venomous bite. Numbness crawls along burns and may incite shortness of breath, heart racing palpitations, and even delusional thoughts over increasingly more potent spells. At most the spell will last for two hours.

 

Kholidav the Crow
Pestilence: malflame laced with Pestilence causes those burned with it to become increasingly susceptible to disease and illness to the point of even rotting on the spot. Victims develop instant symptoms of infection and ailment of varying severity depending on the potency of the spell, capable of inducing things such as leprosy, stomach paralysis, or sensory impairment or loss. The most volatile uses of Pestilence cause immediate necrosis where the victim was burned. At its most potent the spell will last for a day.


 

Zathairn the Black Cat
Calamity: malflame laced with Calamity causes those who are burned with it to become increasingly unlucky to the point of constant blunders of misfortune. The odds stack against these people as everyday occurrences become negative as bad luck taints them. They may trip, lose their possessions, encounter unsavory folk, and so on in situations outside of their control. For every emote past normal casting, maxing out at 3, those burned suffer -2 to all /roll 20 results. At its most potent the spell will last for a day. 

 

 

 

References:
Naztherak
Inferis
[Ilzakarn]

 

 

Credits (in alphabetical order):
Alex/ChronicFever - Ilzakarn Word Base

Corvoo - Consultation
Elrith - Consultation
Frott - Consultation
Jelonny - Consultation
Kalehart - Consultation 

Lackless - Consultation

Perrin - Consultation and Primer
Zarsies - Author and Editor

 

 

Art Sources:

 

 


1. Natalie Shau

2. Ben Juniu on ArtStation

3. Mihai Radu

4. Die Antwoord on Twitter

5. Lane Brown

6. Liam Peters

7. Artgerm on deviantART

8. SirTiefling on deviantART

 

 


 

 

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I TOTALLY read all of it so I can tell you that this lore is BAD

 

okay maybe not probably not because it adds more depth to being a Naztherak while staying within its respective theme

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I liked Zentherak being the top dogs and infernal equivalent in tier and power to regular dragons. Not too much a fan of the obligatory "dragons are better than everything ever" in here. Just meh.

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??

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you make me smile, mr zarsies

 

you always do

 

 

2 hours ago, Gladuos said:

I liked Zentherak being the top dogs and infernal equivalent in tier and power to regular dragons. Not too much a fan of the obligatory "dragons are better than everything ever" in here. Just meh.

 

In a way I can agree, but imagine the gates this opens up for Naztherak-Azdrazi role-play. It might be a little cliche, but it does stimulate more neat scenarios! 

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I think this might be a little too overboard, conquering worlds and planes, kinda out there a little.. I do not recall Xandraza being such a creature, if I am not mistaken that is the Mother of Dragons, best use Draggur that are not historic. 

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I'm finally free from work so I can give some time for a better response. Sorry for the messiness in my points below.

 

I'm not a fan of the greater greater demon dragons, or what have you. I feel like they detract from the overall narrative of what inferis are supposed to be. Zentherak are the apex of all demonkind, nigh-deific entities with vast size and power while endless hordes writhe beneath them. I had some reservations even in current lore that because they're the tool to attain Zar'akal, people have sometimes not treated them with the reverence and fear they deserve IRP. If your demon-dragons are any more powerful than them, they're essentially aengudaemonic tier. I don't think that's a very good thing to have, but let's go further about this. Not only are they more powerful to the extent of a deity, but they subjugate the apex demons, and they have no work to get there by default of being draconic (Zentherak take centuries of soul gathering to acquire their power). I see this as detracting from the significance of Zentherak in favor of giving it to what is essentially drakaars version 2, now with more power. The narrative of inferis is about a chaotic climb for power, where even an imp with enough time and souls could become a mighty Zentherak. By subverting that in favor of what this is, I feel as though the original spirit of demon lore is being ignored. If I were to make a suggestion, I'd say to at least make the draconic demons on par with Zentherak and only subjugate lesser Zar'kiel. Hell, moreso just make them Zentherak themselves. Ideally, I'd say scrap the dragons and make this a set of boons bestowed by currently existing Zentherak. Mixing the themes of demons and dragons only hurts the overall narrative in terms of inferis. As I said, I'm not a fan of the dragon demons. At best, I'd think a dragon would start at Zar'kiel but by no means should surpass the true Zentherak. Maybe become Zentherak themselves, but certainly not what you have here.

 

I see that you decided to keep the chaotic tongue unlisted from the lore. Why did you do this? Is there any legitimate reason to keep it secret? I don't think there is.

 

I saw somewhere in the lore that something requires an extra magic slot to perform beyond the initial one used in Naztherak. As Zar'kiel players only have access to one magic slot, this would bar them from being able to use this. Was this intentional? If so, why?

 

I haven't read the rest of the lore because these first glaring issues took up so much of my attention (mostly the first one). I'd appreciate if you got around to them, otherwise I can't say I support this lore.

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Hate to say it Zarsies, but I don't really like this at all.

 

This is three or four completely unrelated ideas stapled together under the new concept of "but evil dragons tho". None of the new abilities added relate to each other or Naztherak in any meaningful way. Hell, the original draft of Naztherak was denied for having a weird enchantment/forging component, which is why malices were added in the first place.

 

'The divines' destroyed the dragons every time they attempted to invade, which I'm assuming to mean the gods themselves did, and the term 'Swatted them away' being used to describe it makes me think it was ridiculously easy for them. If it was so easy, how does this communion not  get the Naztherak in question immediately and unquestionably destroyed in their entirety? Surely these divines would be able to feel a connection to the plane of all evil in which they originally banished these dragons from being opened, or their presence in the form of familiars being around. If they can't be innately felt, what's keeping these ultra-demons from invading again, and trying to be sneaky about it? Surely, these corrupted high powered former dragons would be able to form some kind of plan that doesn't immediately completely reveal themselves to the public. And I know the answer to all of these questions. It's because, 'You can't have massive super-powered dragons around ******* **** up, that'd be overpowered and disruptive!'. And, of course, you cannot actually have dragons floating about and ******* **** up, but I'd like some actual substantive reason as to why they literally cannot enter the so-called material plane, but they can send re-reinforcements and icons of themselves but still be totally fine. 

 

I noticed this as I was writing, but one of these demons is Setherien. Setherein. This means one of two things. He was corrupted in the last century and a half or so ic, and was immediatly the same power level as all the other demons. Or, this means Setherien was always one of these things since being corrupted, and was therefore able to successfully invade and **** up an entire world, as the many demon-dragons apparently are entirely unable to do. It is, assumedly, the former, given his new name, but still. Another poster said you shouldn't have used named dragons for this, and I agree. Gladuos said you shouldn't add in dragons for literally no reason other than that they're cool even if it bloats the **** out of the lore, makes it confusing, and makes it less connected to the original lore this is supposed to be adding to, and I also agree to that. Dragons being here adds a lot of problems, both this problem and the ones I listed above.

 

Now, to better refine my former point. Three of the four additions seem pointless and tacked on, or a product of 'Hey wouldn't this be cool' or 'Demons in folklore have these powers so lets give them to Naztherak too!', those being boons/curses and familiars, and by extension pact malices. 

 

Firstly, boons and curses. The process to give one of these to someone is simply too easy, in my opinion. It just takes tattoo'ing someone. While tattoos do play some significance in Naztherak already, I just feel like there should be something more required. Some extra fluid added to the blood for each tattoo or something, I don't really have any concrete ideas, but I know it just doesn't sit right with me.

Secondly, there is literally nothing stopping anyone from just getting a shitload of tattoos up their back to get the benefits of every single boon at once, and that simply feels abusable.

Thirdly, I dislike that these are one-and-done fire-and-forget kinds of affairs. I feel like they should have to be maintained somehow, even if it's through a minor token gesture, like needing to find the person at least once a week to clap some maleus into 'em. Something to keep them actually being /something/. Fourthly, all of the boons are kinda insignificant and weak to the point of not really being worth going out of your way for. Other than that, they're all just so /bland/. "I can read faster!" "I'm slightly warm!" "I have... Household magic but only for torches!". Curses, on the other hand, I actually quite like, though that might be because I find them really, really funny. Cursing someone with being unable to read and being a smoke magnet is so petty in power level yet also forces them to play their character differently. It's inherently amusing, and I think they're actually quite good.

Fifth, while I do hate holy magic being a be-all end-all that completely and utterly invalidates all spook magics... Why doesn't it work here? Holy magic is one of the few reliable ways to put out Malflame, so it's not like there's no precedence for it within the magic. Relating to the former point, if this magic is immune to holy magic, then it shows the demon-dragons have powers the divines can't **** with, and makes them seem even more pathetic in being unable to actually invade. I'm going to assume that this is just an oversight.

My final point regarding boons and curses, moreso a question. One of the boons/curses is based around pactlord animals, can you only perform the boon/curse of your own pactlord, or can you make all five pactlord boons/curses? And, an extension of this question, why can non-pact Naztherak /not/ do this? It's described as merely being a tattoo of maleus, which literally /anyone/ could do. And I do mean anyone, if Phil Nomagics finds a canister of Maleus in the middle of the woods and decides, out of the blue, to draw a fancy sketch on his arm with it, and that sketch happens to correlate exactly with the sigil to not be hurt from malflame, his arm would be completely fine when whoever owns that canister finds him and tries to light him up. It is /just/ writing something in the infernal tongue, nothing more, which is literally the basis of the entirety of the magic. /Why/ do you need to have a pact for this? If someone who /is/ a Pactherak tells you exactly how to do it, why wouldn't it work? I'm assuming the answer is 'Because you don't have an MA for it!', which isn't a satisfying answer for a lore related question. Remember, Naztherak doesn't corrupt you inherently. Naztherak is just knowing how to use specific materials, and there's no reason anyone couldn't do it. It doesn't affect your soul at all, unless you decide to become a demi-demon, or if this passes decide to sell part of it to a demon. Actually, this brings me to a /new/ question. Within Naztherak, malflame damages the soul, though it's not explicitly permanant. If you fix it up real quick, your soul heals and it's like nothing ever happened. I'm assuming becoming a Pactherak has a similar situation, though admittedly I know little of soul lore, and noone else knows anything about soul lore, because it's very very strange and split across like ten lores, like i'm trying to find out the history of a dark souls character. That aside, is this a permanent chomp that never heals, or a permanent connection that constantly saps some of your soul away, as fast as it's regenerated?

 

Next, I'll cover the malices. One of these I think is really good, four I think are really bad. Firstly, Gluttony. This one is just really good, I don't think it needs any changing at all. I really like it. Not much else more to say. 

Secondly, Dread. This one causes people to either fight randomly or run away randomly. Let me introduce you to an old friend, an already existing malice, Rage. Rage does almost exactly the same thing... Just better. This is a direct downgrade to an existing malice that doesn't require an extra slot to use.

Third, Venom. This one's... Alright. The power level is about right, it's almost unique. The problem comes with...

Forth, Pestilence. Also known as 'Better Venom'. This one's power level is ******* ridiculous. It causes extreme damage, on contact, immediately. People were mad at me for using ******* immolations, because you can't dodge them. Pestilence makes it so that if you don't dodge you immediately take permanent damage that cannot be easily healed. "Immediate Necrosis". This cannot be healed. All of the cells in your arm are instantly dead if this hits it. That is so ridiculously ******* absurd I need to continue dwelling on it. You can make a three emote fireball with necrosis, and if you hit someone in the head, their brain will be almost immediately melted. This only takes one emote more than the emote I did that got immolations removed, for an undeniably stronger ability. That's nuts, and the fact the person I hit with that particular emote is supporting this blows my mind, and makes me think most other people here wern't exactly looking at this as critically as I am. Beyond all that stuff about it's power level, it is just a direct upgrade to venom. Both cause vague 'Illness', though this one is directly better. Each of them do the same job, though venom does it far worse. That's just bad writing.

Finally, calamity. This one's power level is just way too low. It only really helps in roll-based combat, something most people try desperately to avoid, and beyond that is likely to just be forgotten about a few hours after it happens if people do roll after being hit by it. Introducing something not related directly to mechanics would be a better replacement.

 

Next, familiars. Why do these need to exist? Why complicate maleus even farther by making five additional types of it? Why add something directly worse than what already exists in lore? This, more than anything, comes across as "i wanted an evil cat so i made evil cat lore". Either they act like normal animals and therefore don't really have a point, or they act like not normal animals and therefore go against the point they were supposed to have, covertness. Also, how does the telepathy work? It has to be within eyesight, sure, but by what magic does this communication happen? Can it be disabled? Does glass block this eyesight, or can they still look through it and give commands? If glass works, and it's not matter being placed in the way that blocks the communication, then why can't you do it through a brick wall? If you close your eyes, like someone being tormented probably would, does the telepathy end because you no longer have eyesight on them? What if you don't have eyes? There's that one seer lore that lets you see through a blindfold, would a theorhetical seertherak be able to communicate with them telepathically even though a blindfold is over their eyes? Is it based on vision, or direct eye-to-eye contact? Would a blind person be able to communicate with them? If the familiar makes eye contact with someone else, why can't it communicate telepathically with them? Is it because it has some kind of connection to your soul?

My point with all of these questions is that it kinda doesn't make sense that it needs to be within eyesight. It would make better flavour, and be a better tormenter, if that wasn't the case. I do understand, however, that this is to keep people from metagaming and seeing **** outside their view... But what's stopping someone from ordering the cat to go look at something around a corner, see what's up, and come back and tell the Pactherak what's going on? Literally nothing, though that would be a fun way to rp info gathering, admittedly.

Here's a scenario I imagine when I think of a hostile relationship with a demon tormenter you have a mental link with: You have this evil cat guy, he's pretty rude. You decide to melt him down to demon essence in order to cast some super sick new malice spells. He burns in agony, eventually dying. He takes a week to resurrect, and for the entire duration of his reformation in hell, you cannot sleep. You are kept awake. This pissed off cat demon with a mental link to you torments you endlessly, every waking hour, screaming, insulting, describing horrid acts in the hellscape he dwells within. When he comes back, you're so shaken and tired of it, your will weakened, you listen to whatever it says, just to be able to sleep again. You never burn it again. You are a puppet of it, and by extension, your dragon god.

This makes sense. Being tormented by something that literally cannot talk to you if you don't open your eyes? The familiar, much like the dragon demons above them, comes across as entirely pathetic and ineffectual once you actually look at their abilities. The familiar moreso, however, as it was nearly purposely designed to be repeatedly culled with no ill effects, which reduces them to a timer and not much else. For all these reasons, familiars come across to me as being entirely pointless and just there for fluff. That's not inherently bad, but fluff should be robust, at the very least.

 

And finally, forging. I actually like this. I still don't understand the requirement of a magic slot for all of this, considering it gives less and weaker stuff than full naztherak does, especially considering this is all done using exactly the same methods as the base magic. Regardless, I like this. It adds something new, and it adds something more or less required.

 

Also this filthy plagiarist Zarsies used all the language stuff I wrote without crediting me like a rude little white boy.

 

Anyways, that's the problems I have with this. Overall, the lore doesn't really add much of substance, in my opinion. Everything here has potential but none of it is explored beyond surface level, especially the familiars.

 

2,360 words bois

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Naztherak community feedback edited!

 

Rough list of changes:

-Boons/Banes require striith rakir

-Existing inferis with Naztherak may become pact-bound

-Zar'rokul are a breed of Zentherak

-Rakir inscriptions of any sort may be purged by holy magic

-New Boons/Banes may be made with MArts

-Boons/Banes function on objects held

-Striith may communicate to their prince if in whispering range (if the Naztherak's eyes are closed)

 

 

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Thank you for submitting your piece, it is now under review. A verdict shall be given in 2 weeks, give or take.

 

Thread is being locked to prevent sneak edits to the lore while voting occurs. If you have feedback regarding the lore that you wish to pass to the LT, feel free to toss me a PM.

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This Lore has been accepted. Moved to Implemented Lore, it will be sorted to it's appropriate category soon.

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