Need To See the Light

[TheDragonsRoost 113]

No fancy words. No bigotry. No toxicity or anything remotely stupid.

Just me to talk about something I’m feeling about right now.
 

~(+)==(+)~

I’m taking a break from Lord of the Craft. Not because of the people I’ve encountered or the things that occurred to me over the past several days, but it’s for my own health. For those of you unaware, I came to LotC looking for an outlet for my creativity to flourish and replenish myself from writing my books. I wanted to play these characters that I’d make up because I thought that they’d help me feel better about myself and provide interesting roleplay for all those who’ve met them. I wanted to explore the boundaries of these make-believe characters in this fictional world of Lord of the Craft to see what the limits of my creativity were and to possibly even push beyond those boundaries to drive my characters to their absolute breaking point.

Turns out that in trying to figure out my own limits, people didn’t understand what I was really doing, thinking I was powergaming or even metagaming at these instances. Truth be told, I was excited to be a part of this community for the three months I’ve been here, but I get this feeling of needing to let go of something before it destroys me inside. A feeling of intense wonder and longing to see the world beyond what lay in front of me on a computer screen.

 

I’m nineteen years old and I’m a writer for Young Adult fiction, trying to forge new worlds and create stories that can entertain people and even inspire new ideas to be made within the inventive human mind. I’m also in high school, trying to make ends meet with a family that has little support to offer during the month between paydays. Not to mention I have real life to live than just roleplaying as a High Elf whose gone absolutely mad with lusting for power of the magical kind, a Dark Elf whose only goal is to please his father and even gain his admiration, and as a Highlander whose been psychologically scarred by a traumatic scene in his youth and have trouble expressing his true emotions. These characters represent something about me that I’ve had to deal with in real life and they all stem from the same origins.

 

My depression.

 

Karren is the embodiment of my will to fight the darkness of depression and yet never be able to overpower it, Sorelis Daevear is the embodiment of my inability to think about myself and only think about others, and Marcus Reyn is the embodiment of my crippling sense of self and low self-esteem. Character creation, at least in my own opinion, is forging a character who represents an aspect of your emotional state of mind to the point where they change drastically from what you originally created them out of and character growth/development is what you (the roleplayer) have given your character(s) in the opposite side whether it be a sense of honor or the ability to sacrifice themselves in the name of friendship against an enemy to help motivate those characters you save to rise up against the foe to vanquish them.

 

But I’m getting off topic here, so let’s get back on track. My depression has worsened over my time on LotC to the point where I feel that feeling of needing to go and be free. Of course, this isn’t truly a goodbye as I’ll be back one day, just not anytime soon. People can hate me or love me, but that is what they have towards me and I’ve known for a long time that you cannot please everyone even if you tried. Call me toxic however you like, but there’s one thing that is undeniable about me. I’m creative, a planner, and someone who knows himself enough to understand what his heart tells him to do.

So, I’ll leave you with this. I’m not saying my final farewells, but merely saying that I need to leave LotC for a time to recooperate mentally from the roleplay and the community that drives it forward. I’ll still happily talk to my friends I’ve made here, but when I come back, I expect to be more mature than when I left.

Thank you guys and I’ll see you guys later.
-TheDragonsRoost

[Narthok 9213]

Unironically, go outside when the sun is up for an hour long walk every day. Too many people whinge about depression while eating like **** and burying themselves in a dark room with  no outlet but their computer.

[Guest]

This is gonna probably shock people, but I agree with narthok. Recently I've made point to get out for a walk everyday. It does really help with any low moods ect. 

    Another thing which might help you. If you feel attacked or frustrated from a situation, take a break , grab a drink , sit outside and calm before replying to people, a lot of your issues come from you being frustrated with things not going your way. Thing is lotc is one large story with many writers not one character is the focus of such. You aren't always going to be happy with how the rp happens. But you need to step back when it begins to affect you so much 

[Parker 389]

if this was an introduction, it would’ve been up-voted twice.

 

but farewell.

[Suxals 418]

Clearly Lotc is not what you came looking for, how you can develop you character and write lore is clearly limited by common rules and how the community expects them to be, i would advise you trying to find an activity that could help you to explore your creativity instead of improving your issues as Lotc seems to be doing.

 

I would really like to believe that you didn't make this to get attention and you really wish to improve your mental health, so don't disappoint me boyo.

 

I didn't get to meet you, but good luck with whatever you do.

[rukio 8909]

1 hour ago, Narthok said:

Unironically, go outside when the sun is up for an hour long walk every day. Too many people whinge about depression while eating like **** and burying themselves in a dark room with  no outlet but their computer.

This

[Sky 0]

Man I sure do love the amount of absolute sheep following the shepherd. Also, everything Narthok said.

[Child Neglecter 2134]

1 hour ago, Narthok said:

Unironically, go outside when the sun is up for an hour long walk every day. Too many people whinge about depression while eating like **** and burying themselves in a dark room with  no outlet but their computer.

 

This.

[Zombiefide 106]

Cy@

[IsaaKc 1225]

Good riddance

Edited February 18, 2021 by Philposting

[Mada 148]

4 hours ago, Narthok said:

Unironically, go outside when the sun is up for an hour long walk every day. Too many people whinge about depression while eating like **** and burying themselves in a dark room with  no outlet but their computer.

this

[_pr0fit 2944]

Nah bro, **** what everyone else said, go out there and **** ******* and get smashed, works everytime.

[ARCHITECUS 4788]

Are your escapades with Will going in your books

[Joltastik 506]

13 hours ago, TheDragonsRoost said:

My depression.

bro you’re 19 it’s just hormones.

 

Get a proper diagnosis if you genuinely think its more than that, please.

 

[NotEvilAtAll 9926]

14 hours ago, Narthok said:

Unironically, go outside when the sun is up for an hour long walk every day. Too many people whinge about depression while eating like **** and burying themselves in a dark room with  no outlet but their computer.

I go outside everyday and I still don’t feel all that great a lot of the time. Maybe I should start chugging carrots like there’s no tomorrow or something.