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[✗] [Reformatting][Deity Magic] KarTorak


paladinxo1
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-An adventurer gazes upon the last of the remaining above ground Valdahaz stones.

Credit to Jacob Rail

Kar Torak-The history

[][][][][]The stones of Valdahaz as called by the various races that have seen such old ancient stones scattered around the landscape. Stories tell of their ancient history how they once stood along all the places the daemon Garumdir wanted to protect from the other god's jealous gaze of his glorious works. As the story goes the creation of the first Valdahaz stone was made to allow Garumdir to protect the mountain ranges where his reevers worked on his glorious projects in the world; However as with much in the world that time had faded and soon much that had been built was gone returning to the stone it was carved from. Still few of these monolithic structures remain somewhere in the world broken long ago but holding secrets within them of the machine god. In all his infinite wisdom of crafting and machining the daemon created a smaller set of these stones gifting the knowledge of how to create them to the greatest minds of the world from all the races. They obtained the knowledge on how to make these stones with various purposes for creating magical works of art. However this knowledge would be lost to the world for many many years until recently; When uncovered in the deep roads by the dwarves delving deep into the rat infested depths near one of the old mountains were they uncovered a ruined city and within the ancient halls found the Grand stone of Valdahaz which was sent by Garumdir to teach the ancients there the way of KarTorak. Years were spent in the mines deciphering the ancient text but after comparing the words to many ancient dwarven words long since forgotten the miners were able to understand the stone and with it the KarTorak would be made once more into existence. The stones are powered by Garumdir and the one who wishes to make them must complete the ritual of the artisan to tap into this.[][][][][][]

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Kar Torak-The workings

Valdahaz stones come in various sizes but all have a few distinct features that must be maintained. All Valdahaz stones must be grounded in the earth or stone if they are removed the Valdahaz will stop working instantly until it is returned to the ground. All stones are works of art and are covered completely in artistic depictions of what their purpose is such as a stone used to guard an area would have various depictions of the location the races living there as well as the place needing to be protected. The stones can be no bigger than 10 feet in height as these are not as powerful or grand as those of Garumdir’s vast makings. The last is that all stones must be in a circle around whatever it is they are protecting and or powering. The circle can be no bigger than 50 blocks in circumference however they can only exist 20 blocks below the surface of the ground unless they are being used in an underground location. The only Valdahaz not to standard with the 30 blocks is the Valdahaz of translocation. The Valdahaz can be easily picked up out of the slot in which it rests in the ground and will cease to work until returning to a slot in the ground doesn't have to be the same one. The circle must have at least 3 Stones powered to work and the larger the circle the more will be required one added for every 10 blocks added to the circumference.

Stone of Hefthyn

The stone of Hefthyn is what defines the level of which a user has mastery over the KarTorak magic. The first stone is created when the fledgling user is indoctrinated into the order and is what connects him to the power of Garumdir. The second stone is administered once the first of the Valdahaz have been mastered and a proper craft has been presented to the master the ritual will then be started over again advancing the user to the second level of skill allowing him various other abilities.

  • The first stone of Hefthyn (tier 1-2)
  • Second stone of Hefthyn (tier 3-4)
  • Third stone of Hefthyn (tier 5)
  • First Hefthyn stone abilities can fit within second and third stone Hefthyn barriers.

 

 

The first stone of Hefthyn

Valdahaz of storage. – This spell allows a user to create a small portal in which to store things in and retrieve them from. the portal created is only about 1 block in size enough for small items to be put into and pulled out of the circle is made up of 3 small rocks. This portal is a direct connection to the cavern in which the user can store and or pull items from the portal and is not something that can be summoned on a whim as it takes a while for the link to be connected between the cavern and the place currently at.

 

  • Nothing wider than one block can be put inside of the portal or taken out of.
  • The portal is a stationary object and cannot be moved around once placed it must either be destroyed or left where it was made.
  • It takes 5 emotes before the portal is ready to be opened.

 

 

Valdahaz of the communicator- This Valdahaz allows a person to communicate between two locations on a vast scale. to activate the stone one user must place his hands on the stone which would then activate the other stone on the other side of connection to start blinking a blue hue until another creature places their hands on the stone which would initiate the official connection which allows the two of the communicators to hear what's going on around the stone in a distance of 3 blocks.

  • Both users have to keep hands on the stones or else the sound will not go through and they will cease to function.

 

Valdahaz of the untainted- This is just a simple barrier that keeps back corruption of various sorts and keeps areas clean and pure of any unnatural destruction. It by no means keeps out creatures or any thing of evil just keeps back the environmental changes that would come with taint. It was made by the old ones to reclaim areas from the chaos that once surrounded their lands this Valdahaz is made as small beacon of hope in a ever worsening world to keep refugees and other’s safe from the taint of the world.

 

  • only affects aesthetic changes on the environment and keeps things unchanged so that evil cannot take root in the small area it protects it does not harm anything just is a means of aesthetically removing taint from a reclaimed area.

Second stone of hefthyn

Valdahaz of the elements- This Valdahaz prevents a certain element from entering the barrier such as fire, ice, lava and many other not listed here. this only prevents natural elements, not magical ones such as those from the void which can pass through the barrier as well as exist within the barrier. This barrier was only designed to keep the vaults safe from natural disasters such as volcanoes floods and the other torrents of elemental destruction the world has to offer.

  • Only one element can be blocked for a Valdahaz circle, This blocking does not apply to magical elements.

 

 

Bestial Valdahaz - This Valdahaz was created to make sure that predators and beasts would not enter the lands of the old ones. The Valdahaz can keep up to 3 creatures at bay 6 for the third stone of Hefthyn user. The creatures are depicted on the stone only those that cannot speak and are without self-recognition excluding the undead are considered beasts and are affected by this is depicted on the stone. The barrier greatly diminishes the strength of the creature and prevents it from seeing or smelling properly disorienting it greatly however the path out of the Barrier is still visible to the creature and so it has the ability to find its way out but cannot navigate properly around when inside the barrier.

  • reduces the strength of monsters and takes away a lot of sights and smell for them that is if they happen to enter the barrier.

 

 

Valdahaz of the times keeper- This Valdahaz was created to prevent the aging of artifacts and other creations. In the deep vaults of the ancients their remains their crafts untouched by time in a stasis of eternity forever on display. The time-stopping has no effect on living creatures only inanimate objects, Those within the dome of would find they could move things around as if they were in space sending objects flying weightlessly across the room however the sensation of moving through such  an area would have a drag effect on your body slowing you down as though moving in water. People exposed to the barrier for too long would cease to age however once leaving the dome they would find all the time catching up with them quickly and depending on the time spent within the dome would find themselves aged to grey or turned to dust. Hunger and other needs cease to be needed the body is allowed to work from the magic of the Valdahaz stones. the stones themselves are unaffected by this and

  • People can move unaffected within the time stasis however all objects including clothing have resistance akin to moving it through the water.
  • The time will catch up with you when you leave the barrier or it has turned off.

Third stone of hefthyn

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Valdahaz of the Protector. - Valdahaz of the protector was the original purpose of Garumdir to protect his servant and their creations this Valdahaz creates a larges semi-translucent dome. The Valdahaz will require no less than 5 stones that are used to maintain the shielding. The shield itself is connected to the center via a singular Valdahaz stone placed in the direct middle of the dome. To activate the dome as it is not always turned on a user of the magic must place his hands on the stone of which 2 other hand slots are located for 2 other users to join in the ritual of maintaining the dome. Once the hands have been placed on the stone it will require all concentration to keep activated and the user cannot communicate with anyone around him or move from his spot or risk deactivating the dome. With the addition of 1 user, the dome gains the ability to strengthening its shielding as well as deflect magical attacks. With the addition of 3 users, the dome will have the ability to shut down all access in o out of the dome friend or foe. The user controls who is deemed friend or foe at the control. the effects on people entering the dome would be an extreme headache and bad eyesight and coordination they would be able to see the way back out of the dome however and with time all symptoms would start to get worse and worse. The dome with one user repels all types of siege shot withstanding 8 shots from trebuchets and 15 from smaller siege equipment. With a second user that number goes up by 4 in both aspects.

 

  • The Valdahaz stones cannot be placed underground unless they are making a dome for something underground they can, however, be in a tower or in the air.
  • the Valdahaz stone repels larger siege engines and their attacks but not small arms such as crossbows and swords and the such.
  • The Valdahaz stones can be removed and lifted easily which would bring down the whole thing so they would need to be protected and would offer a point of interest to attackers to go after.

 

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Valdahaz of the translocator- This Valdahaz allows one to teleport between the two rocks the place in question must be depicted on the stone and vice versa for the other stone the rocks will not activate if there is any kind of danger within 3 blocks of the stone and only those depicted on the stone will be allowed to use it. Both stones must as with all remain in either stone or soil surrounding the rock at the foundations. anyone can use the stones. In the old days, these would be used to move between the various underground vaults built deep within the bedrock and offered a great means of travel for the few.

 

  • If there is violence of any kind is transpiring outside the stone within a radius of 3 blocks the device will stop working.

 

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Valdahaz of the Levitator - This Valdahaz allows one to lift up the ground itself into the air away from those who would seek to harm Garumdir’s creations and crafts. The stones for this are the largest of all the stones in question being about ten feet high they are depicted as the location with clouds in the background and any other various mountain ranges or details that are seen at the height of the object the stones are meant to go. If any Valdahaz is removed from its slot all will stop functioning and the land mass or what have you that is in the air will fall back to the ground. Each stone added to the circle adds 10 blocks to the circumference with a max of 50 blocks.

 

  • These Valdahaz are the only advanced level Valdahaz to allow another Valdahaz to exist within its dome area.
  • If the power is cut for any reason the entire object lifted up will come crashing down ungracefully.
  • the stones are larger and harder to move so cannot be picked up out of the slot like the other stones but must be manually dismantled.
 

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Kar Torak-The ritual

It begins with the creation of the first stone of hefthyn in which a small stone pendant/ring/or another small object with a depiction of the person and what can only be assumed his soul on the other side. With that on his body, he will begin to make his first Valdahaz stone in homage to Garumdir in likeness to the first Valdahaz stone. If Garumdir finds the stone worthy the pendant will light up as well as the stone he has just made the master will then carve and or dig a slot into the ground for the stone. This stone is then slotted in the ground next to the other KarTorak stones it connects them to the power of Garumdir but if the stones are ever moved they will lose this power to the location of the stone is kept secret and locked away in the deepest darkest vaults of the KarToraks. The head KarTorak user can restore power back to them however it will require the use of the grand Valdahaz stone kept even more hidden by the head KarTorak user and has the potential to kill the magic caster forever.

 

  • The Grand Valdahaz stone is connected to Garumdir which connects to the Hefthyn stones which are all placed in close proximity to the original stone which is connected to the user by the small object they carry if any of these objects are stolen or removed or destroyed the user cannot use magic. If the Grand stone is destroyed a great price described in the red lines below will have to be paid in order to restore it and all casters will lose their power to use their magic.

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Kar Torak-The curse and the cavern.

Most likely deep within a mountain the users of the magic gather at the grand stone which powers all of their magic as sort of a holy site for them. A cavern covered in hefthyn stones as the stones that give the magic caster's power must be within close proximity to the original Grand Valdahaz stone. This cavern is a giant vault for all things considered a grand craft the utmost secret to those who practice this magic as hoarding crafts is a compulsion they cannot control. The curse giving by the magic will compel a user to go out and retrieve anything perceived to be a work of art an exquisite painting made by a long-dead painter, The most well made clothes worn by the emperors or kings, magical devices, grand weapons, everything that was made by a creator and is considered to be a grand work of art will make a Kar Torak user go mad with greed over the object and will likely attempt to buy it on the spot and if failing they will more than likely attempt to steal it. As with most other magics the user is physically weaker from using this magic.

 

 

REDLINES

The magic of the stones cannot be interrupted unless they are removed from their slots.

They can only exist 20 blocks below the surface of the location they are protecting unless its an underground location in which case they must be no further than 15 blocks up or down from the underground location.

Chains and the like cannot be used to hold down the stones.

In the ritual to re-obtain his power if his stone is stolen then he must make a new one and that will require him to go to the grand Valdahaz stone which will make the user roll a d20 with three chances if the user rolls lower than a 5 on all three the user is pked. If the Student rolls less than a 10 he must roll again and above a 10 he will regain his powers once more.

The student will not be subject to the pk penalty if he dies only one who has lost his stone before.

 

 

 

Edited by paladinxo1
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This is very small, what you have is good just small. I do believe you'll have to write more to get a new magic accepted. Some things you should bring up;

 

Ward of the translocator is essentially what a previous spell in a voidal feat arcane displacement did before it was reworked as if had some issues, if you're going to be bringing it back into this lore I suggest you make clear of a full description.

 

How does one attune to the deity to create these stones? How are these stones created differently in accordance to runesmithing?

 

Are the stones breakable?

 

Is this a magical feat or full magic?

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Ok thanks for the input I hardly ever make lore but I was really wanting to make something like this for a while and if I should add onto it what should I add more background lore and abilities or just one of those ? and I will make sure to flesh it out a bit more never been good at formatting crap on here. Ideas here just working on the execution. when you say magical feat do you mean like a addition to existing magics ?

Edited by paladinxo1
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I suggest looking into lore currently submitted/being reviewed for an understanding of length a full magic requires that goes into backstory and abilities.

 

A magical feat is an artificially type magic that an individual or group can pick up / tied to if learnt. Such as golemancy. Since you have labeled this as a deity magic however it requires heavy detail to either write a full magic or feat. Have a look at the ascended rewrite for some ideas of length specifically for this reason.

 

Also I've not looked into the deity, if you've created a new one you're required a lot... a lot of detail, backstory and why they're interfering with mortals. So I suggest getting in touch with the runesmithing community to try and get it worked in with them rather then creating a deity if that is the case. 

 

I believe josh3738#7772 on discord is the Lore Team member that deals with runesmithing. If I am mistaken he can point you to whom.

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I am going to put some more work into it over the weekend so for now let it be known its a work in progress.

Edited by paladinxo1
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This is a really interesting idea, and I’ve always been a sucker for giant runestones. That being said, from what I can see there are a handful of issues with the lore that jump out at me when I read it.

  1.  Every good deity magic has a strong aengudaemon behind it. They need a place in the universe, and the magic should reflect not only their domain, but their personalities and goals in the material realm. Garumdir seems interesting in concept, but there is not much meat on the bone when it comes to what exactly his goals are. Why did the daemon create these stones, and why would he give away portions of his power to mortals?  You state that he did so to ‘protect his great works’, but that does not exactly say much.
  2. The abilities that come with this magic seem a bit broad. The Lore Team is generally very hesitant when it comes to accepting disciplines that can do a little bit of everything.  From what I can see here, you are trying to paint with a bit too broad of a brush in terms of abilities.  Also, no time shenanigans.  Take it from me, anything that manipulates time is just begging to be abused.
  3. A lot of aspects of this lore seems similar to Runesmithing, which is an existing magic that has much of the same flavor as this one. Like Jenny said above, I would suggest that if you are looking for something along these lines that already exists, you should reach out to the community and see what their thoughts on the matter are.

In all, I feel like something like this has potential, but you have a long ways to go.  I can’t see this being accepted in its current state (especially considering the complete restructuring of magic that is currently in the works) but that does not mean that something like this could never be implemented. Keep writing, and I’m sure you’ll come up with something special.

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While this magic is interesting I would certainly wait atleast until we get more info on the new magic system that is being worked on for next map. While it does have similar things to runesmithing as well as the other things previously said from the two people in the front, I do believe with enough time and effort it should be much more better.
In other words have patience, flesh it out more,  and good job.

Also Welcome back Gril!

Edited by DrHope
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You have 2 weeks to reformat this lore post as seen on: Lore Sub Guide 1: Categories and Formatting. This is part of the most recent LT announcement, seen here: LT Announcement Pt. 8.

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As the person who wrote Garumdir I can tell you that this lilely isn't the direction he'd go for some kind of magic, though I don't foresee him making a magic anyway. 

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Will get to the rewrite this weekend. Been busy with school had to put this on the back burner for a bit but I got time now to fix it over the weekend. Also ya Figured you would have wanted to take Garumdirs magic in another direction @The_Broken_God but I just felt really passionate about making this stone magic idea hope you don’t mind me borrowing him.

Edited by paladinxo1
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why do I feel the formatting is just really off

i’m not even saying the writing is bad, the writing is fine, the formatting just, bothers me.

 

mind you I don’t mean sh^t it’s just what I feel, you may want to clean it up a bit

 

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13 hours ago, paladinxo1 said:

Will get to the rewrite this weekend. Been busy with school had to put this on the back burner for a bit but I got time now to fix it over the weekend. Also ya Figured you would have wanted to take Garumdirs magic in another direction @The_Broken_God but I just felt really passionate about making this stone magic idea hope you don’t mind me borrowing him.

fair enough, you can say it was made by one of the really powerful reevers, so its technically the machine god’s creation (albeit by proxxy). i just dont really see him making something like this, and with the reason you stated

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Haha will have to do a rewrite to include that not just a reformatting so Ill need a bit more time to rearrange thing on my google doc if its not done in a week after this post I accept you guys closing this thread until I get the time to revisit the idea properly. But I am graduating this week so just need a bit more time on this project I literally just got free time this week and was planning on working on it so if the lts can work with me I can redeem this project.

 

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Thank you for submitting your piece! It is now under review, you should have a verdict around the 1st (give or take a few days).

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