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The Tales for Canonist Boys


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The Tales for Canonist Boys (Naumarian: Liedz ter Jovistpadrevari; Ilatian: Le Storie per Canoni Ragazzi) is a collection of three tales by Adrian poet ‘Beelzebub’, written during the Vydran era of the late 50s ES (1500s AH).  They were extremely popular in Adria and the Ilatian territories upon their first publication, and reached a peaked in purchases right before the start of the War of the Ducal Coalition. Use of the stories were assimilated by the Haeseni soldiers stationed in Adria during the War of the Ducal Coalition of the early 70s ES (late 1510s AH), and spread northward on their return.

 

(OOC: Full credit to @Hunwald who wrote threse, posting them here for easier access. Links to his original threads below:

 

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THE TALES FOR CANONIST BOYS

 

WRITTEN BY THE HAND OF

THE POET BEELZEBUB

 

PUBLISHED BY

HIEROMAR LUDOVAR THE ELDER, SSE

 

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HUGO AND HUMBERT

 

There once lived two boys within the great streets and slums of Felsen, one named Hugh and the other named Humbert. One boy lived in the south west of the city, while the other lived in the north east. The two boys were remarkably similar. They shared facial features and physical traits, they lived in identical homes, with identical families, with identical pets and identical living circumstances. While identical in all forms, there was one key difference: one boy enjoyed his Scriptures, and the other did not.

 

It was Sunday, and both the boy's parents had great meals laid out upon the tables of their homes, to celebrate as any other Orenian families would a successful week. Remarkably, both meals were the same - a big pot pie full with vegetables and meats of all assortments. Hugh sat and had his entree laid before him, and waited for his family to sit as well. He recited Grace, and when his family was ready, he enjoyed his meal with them. He finished his meal and did not pester his mother for dessert. On the other side of the city, Humbert sat and had his entree laid before him. Before his family was sat, Humbert, without Grace, dug into his entree, and feasted like a pig on slop, making a big mess of himself. He sucked down his pot pie, and immediately thereafter demanded dessert from his poor mother. "Gluttony today, temperance tomorrow," Humbert muttered as he licked his fingers.

 

After their meals, each boy was given free time to do what as they will. Both journeyed, as usual, to the market square before the Imperial Palace. There, Hugh in the south west and Humbert in the north east, the boys encountered similar situations. Beggars often did their works in the market, and both boys met an individual beggar. An old lady, clearly sickened with age, pleaded to the each boy for a nickel to purchase some bread. Hugh, while only having just earned the nickel yesterday, was quick to hand over his change - Hugh knew, after all, that he could easily make the nickel back. Humbert, however, refused. Humbert had as well only just earned his nickel, and felt that he had a right to it, a right that the old lady did not have. Humbert told the lady that, once he makes for himself more change, he will come back and give her a nickel, and kept his nickel for himself. "Greed today, charity tomorrow," Humbert muttered as he walked away from the old lady.

 

After encountering an old lady each, each boy set out to buy a toy from the local toymaker. Dibley's Den was situated on the south west of the market square, and Bungo's Bunk was situated in the north east. As it was a little later in the day, the lines at each shop were quite long, filled with eager children to buy something to play with. Hugh entered the line to Dibley's Den and waited his turn like a good boy, understanding that the others got their first, and that waiting in line was not the biggest problem Hugh faced. He waited politely, until he finally was able to purchase a toy from Dibley. Humbert entered the line to Bungo's Bunk, and immediately became upset with how long the line was. He stomped and stomped, whining like an upset girl, and sniffled and snarled impolitely. Finally, Humbert smacked the boy in front of him in line in the head, knocking the boy out of line and taking his spot. Humbert finally bought his toy from Bungo. "Wrath today, patience tomorrow," Humbert muttered as he exited Bungo's bunk with a new teddy.

 

After leaving the each respective toy shoppe, each boy encountered a similar situation. Waiting outside both shops were two other boys: one with a very nice and expensive toy, and the other with no toy at all, sniffling due to his inability to buy one. Hugh looked upon the boy without a toy, and sighed, for he knew down-below the misfortune of the child. Hugh approached the child, and offered him his teddybear, which the child eagerly accepted. Hugh smiled to the boy and waved him off, knowing that some other day he could buy the teddy-bear again. Humbert, however, looked upon the boy with an expensive toy, and grew jealous. He desired the other boy's toy, because he knew it was more valuable than his own. He approached the boy, and smacked him upside the head. He took from the boy his expensive toy, a wooden knight, and walked away. "Envy today, kindness tomorrow," Humbert muttered as he played with the wooden knight.

 

Finally, it was time to return home. Each boy made his way back to his home, Hugh in the south west and Humbert in the south east. They entered their homes, did as they would, and finally slipped into their beds. They both reflected upon their day. Hugh ate his meal modestly, and Humbert like a pig. Hugh gave to the old lady a nickel, Humbert a nasty glare. Hugh waited in line patiently, while Humbert cut. Hugh gave away his toy, while Humbert stole a more valuable one. You see - Hugh lives each day like it is his last, and takes each action like the Lord is with him. Humbert tells himself every night that he would make up for his sin the next day. Humbert is a procrastinator when it comes to sin, and always thinks that he will have a chance to redeem himself. "Sin today, virtue tomorrow," Humbert muttered as he fell to sleep.

 

Neither boy knew that this night would be their last. Each boy mysteriously passed away in their sleep, and both were sent before the Lord to receive judgement. The Lord reviewed Hugh. A good boy Hugh was, a diligent one when it came to virtue, and a boy of the Scripture. Of course, Hugh was granted eternal paradise in the Seven Skies above. The Lord reviewed Humbert. A good boy Humbert was, and a lazy one when it came to virtue, a boy who did not listen to his Scriptures. Because of Humbert's procrastination, his constant vows of "...tomorrow," Humbert was cast down to the pits of Hell, to spend the rest of eternity sitting alone, muttering the following words:

 

"Heaven today, or Hell tomorrow!"

 

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ADAM AND THE POTATO

 

There once was a boy, he was named Adam.

Adam loved to sit on his chair.

Adam's mother warned him.

"Stop! The more you sloth upon that chair, the more you shall become but a potato!"

 

Adam said "No!" and continued to sit upon his chair.

He cried and cried, and whined and whined. He would not move.

Adam loved to sit on his chair.

"Why should I move?," Adam asked.

 

Adam grew fatter and fatter.

He began to bald.

Adam grew larger.

He sat upon his chair all night.

 

Adam's mother warned him once again.

"You shall become a chair-potato, Adam!"

"That is what happens to boys who idle upon chairs!"

He did not move.

 

Adam grew spotty.

He became very pudgy.

He slumped to the side and released a large sigh.

He was a big chair-potato.

 

Adam's mother found him upon the chair.

"Now, he is more useful!"

Adam's mother brought him into the kitchen, and he was cooked.

And his family feasted for many days!

 

 

---

 

THOMAS TEMPER-TANTRUM

 

There once was a boy, he was named Thomas.

Thomas had a hot temper.

Thomas' mother warned him.

"Thomas, if you continue to be so wrathful, your head will pop like a balloon!"

 

Thomas yelled at his mother.

"I do not need your advice! I do not have the patience for it!"

Thomas stomped and yelled and walked away.

He was one angry boy.

 

The next day, Thomas came upon a young boy playing with a toy.

He grew naughty.

"Your toy is dumb! And so are you!"

Thomas knocked the toy out of the young boy's hand, breaking it.

He was one bad boy.

 

Thomas' head grew rounder.

It became a shade of red.

His voice became squeakier.

 

Thomas' mother warned him once again.

"Your head will pop, Thomas!"

"That is what happens to mean boys!"

But Thomas did not listen.

He stomped and yelled and walked away.

 

The next day, Thomas came upon a boy waiting in line for something to eat.

He grew naughty.

"Give me your money!"

The boy gave him Thomas all he had.

Thomas was one big bully.

 

Thomas went home.

He looked in the mirror.

His head was a balloon!

 

"Help! My head is a balloon!"

Thomas called out. But his voice was too squeaky.

He stomped and yelled and stomped and yelled.

Until his head went 'pop!'

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