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[✗] [CA Playable Race] The Fjarriagua


𝙻𝚞𝚟 XO
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4 hours ago, Banner said:

Truthfully, I have been a hater of the Frost Witches for a long, long time. However, I can tell that you have put a lot of effort into this piece of lore, Luv, and congratulations are in order. This is definitively a step in the right direction for the Frost Witch lore, and its effect on the community.

I speak only from experience, but I will list below some parts of this lore that I believe leave room open for powergaming, and that you can improve on.

 

I think this segment in particular is the one I am more troubled by. It is good for flavor, but there is no way to effectively calculate a gain of 0.25x movement speed in roleplay. I believe the last paragraph should be more concise, as it is too ambiguous and it is a combat ability. In order to prevent confusion, and make combat more effective, I think you should clarify what can and cannot happen. People will always bend the rules, and find loopholes in order to gain leverage.

 

I think this spell is interesting, but it is practically necromancy. Spells like these should remain part of that lore, but sadly it has been shelved for about a year now.

hello!!! thank you so much for your response! i can totally see where you are coming from in terms of the feral mode, but i am unsure of how to rewrite this or word it differently to make more sense – ya know? if you have any suggestions further i would love to hear them.. i appreciate the kind words as well, i really put my heart and soul into this piece and appreciate people being understanding when knowing i am no master lore writer and am new to this. thank you for the feedback and if you have a follow up suggestion please feel free to comment it!

 

in terms of the banshee’s bind ability, that was definitely the inspiration for the spell considering the work i’ve seen done on the numerous necromancy rewrites i don’t really see the spell being “copied” as i don’t see that magic ever returning... at least not now.

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This is beyond good, only suggestion I can make is with the Banshee’s bind is a clear limit upon men that can be raised (If there is the rare chance many men die withen the time it works). Other wise I very much love this, Great job!

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Anywho, +1. I’m not very versed in all the frost witch thing, but looks good so far as long as Luv doesn’t offer me erp                   

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This is very, very well-written. Just one question:

Whenever I’ve interacted with Frost Witches, they’ve always had a player-character ice construct (ivojur?). Will those be brought back as well? I think have player ice minions is an immersive element to being a Frost Witch, or any mage for that matter.

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15 hours ago, Boknice275 said:

This is very, very well-written. Just one question:

Whenever I’ve interacted with Frost Witches, they’ve always had a player-character ice construct (ivojur?). Will those be brought back as well? I think have player ice minions is an immersive element to being a Frost Witch, or any mage for that matter.

I think you’re thinking of Thralls, males who were cursed to be slaves, and could turn into ice-creature things. Ivorjurs were witches made from ice, and much more tanky then a typical witch (Thralls and Ivojurs have both been removed) However we’ve replaced them with familiar creatures.

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Hello @Luv

Post is here to confirm that you have gathered all the feedback necessary for your lore and wish to proceed with the reviewing process.

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13 hours ago, ScreamingDingo said:

Hello @Luv

Post is here to confirm that you have gathered all the feedback necessary for your lore and wish to proceed with the reviewing process.

rock and READY to roll! 

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Thank you for submitting your piece! It is now under review, a verdict will be given within a few weeks.

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This lore has been denied. You have been sent a message containing a list of issues that Story members had with the lore.

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