On the Topic of Kindness and Toxicity

[LotsOfMuffins 1357]

On the Topic of Kindness and Toxicity

 

 

I’d like to take a moment to speak on something that I’ve wanted to speak on for a while but have been reluctant to. This topic is kindness, or moreso the lack of it. 

 

Lord of the Craft is a roleplay, medieval, fantasy server filled with beautiful settlements, in-depth and unique lore, wondrous events, and most importantly, a fantastic and vast community. Hundreds of people log on every day, and even more interact with the community in some way every day. And during all my time as a member of the LotC community, I have seen one thing it seems to lack a lot of times: kindness. People hurt each other. People fight. Whether it be over friend group troubles, drama, or roleplay, people fight. And I don’t just mean light bickering, I mean fighting. Consistent trash-talking, constant unnecessary poking at one’s feelings to get a rise out of them, attempts to blackmail, spreading horrid rumours about them, vicious name-calling to the point where it gets personal, and just downright malicious and awful behaviour. And it’s terrible. 

 

I understand that sometimes, people say and do things that aren’t well-liked. I understand that people trash-talk one another to their friends, and although that isn’t okay, it’s not the issue I have. I understand that sometimes, people get very, very mad and blow up sometimes. What I don’t understand is the malicious, vicious behaviour exhibited by members of the community. I don’t understand why someone would go out of their way to belittle, slander, or attack someone, and in extreme cases, genuinely wanting to ruin their life. I don’t understand why people do not understand that although you aren’t physically beating up whoever you’re targeting, you are still harming them, and that’s something that should never be wished upon a person, no matter what. 

 

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not perfect either. I’ve had my fair share of bickering, faulty decisions, and otherwise; no one is truly innocent in this. However, I don’t wish harm on others, and I don’t understand why anyone would want that. 

 

Before you say something, please think for a moment. Perhaps try to start a discussion with whoever is annoying you so much to where you wish genuine harm on them. If a discussion doesn’t work, then please do not continue the cycle of hate by lashing out at them. If someone is harassing you or being toxic towards you, block them and report them. If a staff member makes a decision you don’t like, reach out to their manager, or if it’s a manager/admin, to an admin. My PM’s are always open. If it’s me you have a problem with, shoot me a PM. If you can’t PM me on Discord, simply PM me on the forums, and we can talk. Discuss what’s up. Have an honest and open discussion about the issues. Again, if a discussion doesn’t work with whoever you have qualms with, then just leave them alone. But either way, show them this act of kindness by not pursuing it anymore (unless the individual in question won’t leave you alone, then report it). 

 

What I’m trying to say is that we shouldn’t be so quick to spit viciousness at each other. We shouldn’t jump to hurting one another. If someone is being an issue, report them. If you have a qualm with someone, perhaps try talking to them about it. If that doesn’t work or if you don’t wanna try it, just leave it. It isn’t worth the energy of harming others, and it certainly doesn’t do any good. 

 

We are all people. Each one of us has feelings, each one of us has a life, a family, friends, goals, motives, experiences, trauma, crappy ex-friends... Each one of us gets upset, angry, cries, screams, makes mistakes, says the wrong things, does the wrong things, etc. We all are human. 

 

Think before you lash out. Be civil. Report harassment, don’t engage in it. End the cycle of hate. 

 

Please. 

 

[RipBeppy 212]

i love you muffins

[NestroPapaya 478]

Beautiful! I feel like this is something everyone needs to read. Good Work, Muffins!

[AlphaMoist 1707]

Sometimes it’s hard to remember that the people behind these forum profiles and minecraft accounts are actual living breathing human beings, and I think everyone could use a reminder that we’re all going through the same kind of bullshit every now and then.

[manicfairy 178]

definitely agree with this. i have a really bad reputation and a toxic past, but were all human and i truly believe people can change, love is ultimately what should guide us all

[JustAnotherLW 39]

“The anger in your heart warms you now but will leave you cold in your grave”

[AnonymousAlexa 3877]

YESSSS! PREACH!

[AstriaS 3679]

As much as I hate playing the part of the cynical pessimist, I feel this needs to be said; As good of a message as this is-- and it’s a very good message, don’t misunderstand-- it seems to me that this is a lot of words with little weight behind them. As great as it would be for everyone to play nice, the fact remains that due to inaction on the part of all parties involved, nothing will change. So long as the powers that be, either by intention or ignorance, willingly turn a blind eye to the issues in question for whatever reason, there will continue to be no confidence in the system. With no confidence in the system, people won’t step forward when they’re mistreated. When people stop stepping forward, the inaction appears justified, and the cycle continues. Nothing will change, harassment and toxicity will continue.

 

tl;dr: If you want change, the way to do it is through principle and integrity, not just telling people to be better. Change is achieved by action.

 

Signed,

Astria, Local Cynic

[Milenkhov 4497]

A Response

 

 

To reiterate what a lot of people have said, I agree with the general consensus of the thread -- we should be nice to each other, and be less-toxic as a community. The message sent by the admins is clear, and it is quite respectable. Though, we should also take into account that toxicity is something that is levelled by both the players and staff -- be it passive-aggressive comments from certain moderators, to showing a lack of trust in the community from the admins. I believe if we wish to have a respectful community, we must be cohesive about everything we do. I have seen toxicity on the server, far too much of it, and have even lay upon it -- but the first step in being nicer and kinder as a whole is when you integrate it into work.

 

For staff, offering good responses, ‘thank you’, ‘have a good day’, and so on can truly change one's day. Staff and admins need to be less passive-aggressive, the way they type in certain discords, the way they communicate with players, and offer more insight. An example is: if you plan on banning someone, provide a reason. It is unfair to ban someone and offer nothing in response to them. How will they appeal? How will they know what they did wrong, and if they truly did something wrong, to apologise and grow into a better person? It fuels toxicity. You invoke more harassment by trying to remove the ones who are toxic, letting the banned players be swiped under a carpet and left there to rot. Why? If you have a civil conversation with all players, in text, or in voice chat -- be it banned players wanting to gain an explanation, or normal players finding out more information about punishments, warns and updates -- do you think the toxicity spread around the community would prevail as much?

 

It is impossible to improve at the current state of the server. However, I want to make further leaps in staff cohesion, communication with players and more in order to decrease  the toxicity and harassment.

 

Let us talk further in a voice-chat, LotsOfMuffins. My discord is: Milenko#9658, I expect to have a call with you in the future to converse further on this.

 

Best Regards,

Milenko O.

 

[Christ 939]

Christ has moved this post to  ACCEPTED!

Edited June 4, 2020 by Christ

[kipps 714]

Toxicity is no more boys, all praise LotsOfMuffins!

[Xarkly 12580]

Definitely agree with the message but also strongly agree with Astrias when he underlines the importance of change in dealing with this. Not gonna repeat his spiel, but the Administration has been very complicit in building at atmosphere of frustration on this server, because the community is very slow to trust them to do their job to make this server both an enjoyable and safe place. Inactivity, the Safety Team, the Dev walkout and the reasons for it are all big reasons, and the list is pretty long.

 

Not to rag on a nice message but this problem is definitely more nuanced than telling folk to be nice, and about addressing the deep-seethed frustrations that spurn some of this dissatisfaction.

[JokerLow 1189]

i remember trying to talk to [redacted] about an issue between me and his group. it ended up in him calling me out for stuff i didnt do and threaten to ban report me for harrassing him if keep messaging him about fixing the problem

[ScreamingDingo 16792]

We have saved the internet

[excited 10833]

11 minutes ago, ScreamingDingo said:

We have saved the internet

 

g o o b i e  g i v e t h ,  g o o b i e  t a k e t h

 

In the words of our Lord, hallowed be His name, taketh your toxicity elsewhere.