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On the Topic of Kindness and Toxicity


LotsOfMuffins
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Well guys, Muffins did it. Toxicity is no more......

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I am very glad to hear admins want to be kind. Please, afford this kindness when wrongfully banning people and when ignoring their calls for explanation. It will make you sound, as a team, a lot more sincere.

 

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yo yo yo guys lets do what they do on instagram and spam to show unison

 

post simon and garfunkel or GTFO!

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This kind of behavior is exactly why I’ve put myself on an extreme low-OOC diet.

 

I talk to maybe... five people OOC on discord. I’m not a part of any discord servers. I do most of my OOC communication here on the forums. I think forums are perhaps a bit better because people can slow down and maybe think a bit before they fire off that mean comment. Plus, they’re a little more permanent than Discord. I can still see mean things people said to me back in 2012. 😕

 

But yeah, there’s always been a problem with OOC on this server. I tend to think there’s a problem with OOC on every server.

 

I’d recommend a low-OOC diet to anyone, honestly. I’ve hardly talked with anyone OOC and I’m honestly having a great time on the server. A lot of fun! If people wanna trash-talk, fine by me. I can’t hear or see it lol. 

 

It doesn’t solve the wider problem of toxicity in the community, but it’s important to protect yourself first and foremost. 

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Hi there, I'm Swifty_Sam and I feel @KeatonUnbeaten makes an excellent point. Admins and moderation should show more compassion when dishing out bans. Personally, during my ban process the only moderator who has shown me compassion is @frill who is currently suspended for speaking his mind which is completely disgusting in my opinion. 

 

If you push for a kind community, you must first treat them with the kindness that you preach. I agree entirely with all your points, however people make mistakes and part of being kind is to show compassion.

 

When people break rules, they do deserve to be talked to and/or punished. However, when people do actions for the right reasons I believe punishment is not valid. For example, my initial ban I was treated incredibly poorly by @TheIchorDruid where I was accused of meta gaming because I walked 20 blocks to help my friend who was wrongfully trapped inside of the Haense civilian doors after they had modreqed. He was new to raiding, and as the raid leader I took the responsibility to try and explain to the moderator what had happened. When I was accused of meta gaming I was taken back slightly, because I was only wishing to help with the explanation without spamming the moderators dms in-game when I could literally see them down the road. Additionally I was then accused of mod shopping, for asking the moderator if I could talk to their manager @Braxis. However, straight away I said "no, that is mod shopping don't do that" which I feel is perfectly acceptable. This whole situation was moderated in a toxic way, where I messaged these two and asked to have conversations with them, provided information, however I was either blanked or told a repetitive message without any feedback on my side of the story, such as "you meta gamed" which proved to me they either 1) didn't read my proof or reasons, and 2) didn't show compassion to the player.

 

Granted, my final ban extension was from alting while banned, however I was banned wrongfully. Educating the player would be much more efficient, perhaps take them into a call and explain the situation. I would have been more than willing to have a mature conversation with kindness and compassion. I love the server, even if I was banned since February, and I lead a group on it who all want me back on the grounds of wrongful conduct. I alted because I felt disgusted with how I was treated. I didn't do it to goon, I didn't do it to troll, if you check the logs of "dropthebassnow" (formally known as "grasssass") you will see I role played with quality, impressing the ISA even if they are known to be my enemy. I want to expand the narrative of the server and provide KINDNESS through roleplay. Anyone who has associated with my groups in Norland will 2nd this statement.

 

@LotsOfMuffins I will be dropping this into your dms as well, if you all truly wish to push for compassion you will listen to not just my story of unjust behaviour, but the behaviour of others.

Edited by HadvarAvMitteland
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In all seriousness, I think this a good message but as AstriaS and Xarkly said it is a bit more nuanced than a message like this seemingly describes. Though, as much as I love to scream about upper management being the cause of whatever issue is happening, I don’t frankly believe they have a part in it. I tend to isolate myself from most groups mainly because on this server once you make a name or have one given to you, you are gonna be stuck with the rep you’ve manage to garner, good or bad, true or false. I found out recently one of my friends found out he was **** talked and the only reason I can muster in my mind is because he had interactions with a certain player, and I find that just low key pathetic, to be driven to a point where you’d actively **** talk someone because they had might be friends with someone you don’t like.

I feel this also drives into another issue, I was looking at a post earlier today which was the ABCs of RP by The Lion. In the list he put ‘Refrain from engaging OOCly with LotC’. Which I feel rings true, some of my best RP comes when I barely OOCly interact with the person I’ve been RPing with, I remember a friend I made early on in LotC, we’d be able to pretty much make an adventure out of any situation and had really great chemistry between our characters that allowed us to pretty much RP until one of us had something IRL pop up. But when he had to focus on study I ended up getting into various groups to find some more RP and I feel this lead me to get more insight onto how things tend to run on LotC, I interacted with theses groups more OOCly than I have most other groups and it just opened my eyes on how a lot of people tend to be more driven OOCly than ICly.

With this I feel it creates this storm of toxicity, because people OOCly want their character/group to succeed in their endeavors which is fine, it means you’re invested in some form for the RP that is directly happening to you. But it really becomes an issue when people will stoop to OOC means in order to protect their RP/Group from having any sort of bump that could possibly lead to it ending or going through a really drastic change. This curbs a lot of interesting RP that could happen, for a group to fall and having to pick itself back up or just completely being wiped out and being literal history in the server, but that can seem a lot to ask of someone who has possibly invested months on this server to build something up.

 

But this causes issues as I know a lot of groups would just rather deal with the situation in an OOC manner, be it trying to get rulings from staff members to have certain things go their way, disregarding rules, or just simply outright attempting to destroy someone on an OOC level through harassment, lying, or even possibly targeting them ICly due to an OOC grudge. Knowing alot of some of the happenings on this server because people tell me some of the stuff that has happened behind the scenes (or even myself being apart of it), really causes me to lose drive for LotC, and I literally just came onto this server to have a bit of fun, to get an experience that games like Skyrim could never provide, the ability to interact with a living, breathing world but after finding out all I did it took me awhile to realize that I’d much rather hang out with what friends I’ve made and just follow along whatever adventure we can find and avoid the toxic elements on this server.

 

The reason I just find this so frustrating is because it is pretty simple to deal with someone you don’t like OOCly. Just don’t interact with them. I had a incident awhile back where someone mentioned IC information about my character in a Discord which I feel is meta gaming because it enables meta gaming to happen. I told them how I felt and I will admit I was pretty pissed about the whole situation because I just felt it was really scummy to do such a thing, they refused my requests to delete the messages and tried twisting the situation into it being my fault because I didn’t ask ‘nicely’ when I was literally talking about how I was laying on the floor after saying how I considered what they did meta gaming. In response to this I just simply blocked the person, reported them because they told me to and tried my best to keep IC/OOC interactions with them to a minimum. Sometimes I’d rant about it and kinda laugh about the situation because of how it ended unfolding, but I didn’t actively and intentionally attempt to **** on their being because of this slight, I just left it. 

 

However, AstriaS is right in saying that staff need to step up in dealing with matters, especially something like toxicity but I think the biggest issues is when we try to police this I don’t know how the reactions would be by the community if we did something like that. I think we already have a problem of corruption in staff where if we did justifiably deal with someone who did something, can easily hand wave about how LotC staff is corrupt and the kick/ban was bullshit. But I might be overthinking it, and it really might be just a simple matter of making sure reports are correctly dealt with and we just need to rebuild confidence between staff and player because it is really at an all time low with alot of the events that have happened last year and this year.

To make a really messy point, that I shows I need to learn how to write better, clear.
I think we all need to deal with toxicity better, staff more so. Remember that this is just a game and if you don’t like someone just cut your interactions from them and try keep trash talking to a minimum. Try find out the best way for you to have fun on this server and stick with it.

 

If anyone wants to talk to me about anything, how you’ve been feeling or just about games, movies, shows, etc or something feel free to message me over the game or Discord at Pup#0428. 

 

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Thanks to this forum post, I am reborn. – I’ve cried a number of 15 times as I’ve both skimmed through the post, and written this reply. All the hate, anguish and vindictive aura around me. It is no more. Like Jesus, I have risen from the grave. I thank LotsOfMuffins with her bravery, and this successful attempt of ending hate. The cycle of anger and torment that has plagued LoTC for ages. Gone.

 

And for those haters. You see this? - I'm protected. There are angels watching my back from now on. All of you can't cyberbully me anymore because big brother is protecting me. I dare you to even speak of my name in ill contempt. We'll see how long you last, I urge you on. Buddy.

597133278601d3aaa0fd523a913f5355.png

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jheeez Muffins just spit some straight FACTS

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7 hours ago, LotsOfMuffins said:

medieval

uh oh watch out powder wigs

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i like this post

i play on a minecraft server and don't need to get mad about things, because that is something a smart man would do. i also don't respond with something meme-y and understand that the message is only as powerful as you take it and i appreciate that muffins took her time to address an issue in our community. thank you muffins, and everyone else that memes on the post is a baby brain.

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People are corrupt, whats new. Get with the system.

 

#freefrill

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free love bro

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