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Journal - Eliza Raven


gurlpirate
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Entry One

 

 

Eliza Raven carefully opens the cover of her brand-new book. The leather binding creaks softly as it stretches. The pages, utterly blank, cry out to her; waiting to be filled with her words, thoughts, emotions… Reaching for her quill at the corner of the desk, she pulls it from the inkwell, dabbing it gently on the rim. Eliza places the ink-filled tip to the off-white paper and the ink immediately begins to melt into the page. She slides the pen across the surface, the light scratching sound soothing her untidy thoughts.

“Today, things happened. Today, my life changed drastically. Again. Today, the remnants of my recently-healed heart were shattered again and left on creaky wooden planks. I’d considered leaving them there. After all, how many times can one’s heart fragment and rebuild itself again? I did not leave my destroyed love there at the dock, however. Be it the right or wrong answer, I picked the pieces up and took them with me as I stumbled my way to Ryuu’s apartment in Providence. The four flights of stairs to her rooms felt like a mountain. Upon entering, my entire body collapsed on the rugs, and I slept. For how long, I do not know. All I know is I feel…wrong. Unsettled. I feel as though I’ve been plucked from a world I understood and loved, to… nothing. Perhaps it is better to feel no emotions. I have cried all the tears I could produce. Bless dear Bernard for showing up and forcing me to eat. Such kindness in him that so few see.

“Bernard says I must find a way to move forward. So, move forward I shall. Rose will be here soon and I long to see my daughter’s face. I can hardly believe she is thirteen. I hope I recognize her. I must be strong for Rose. She cannot see her mother this way. She must see a brave, strong, independent woman that cares for all and takes no one’s ****. I must be that for her. Rose will be my guiding light as he had been before. She will be my reason for waking up every day and making the most of it. Perhaps she will heal my broken heart.

“I can’t get it out of my head, though. The last thing he said to me. “I will always love you, Eliza. But we simply cannot be. Not in this world, and not in any other. I'll sacrifice my own heart to keep you safe, and hope someone mends both of ours someday. I will be here, whether you see me or not. A silver falcon bequeathed in sunlight." I’ll never forget those words. I’ll never forget how he looked. I’ll never forget watching him walk away and the light shining off his icy-white hair. Even from a distance, I watched him. He left me behind, for what, I do not know. I do know that I will love him until I die. And, though he may live forever, I hope I am never forgotten. I hope he thinks of me as a raven on the wind. I hope he remembers me being cheerful, happy, in love. For that is how I will always remember him. Not the cold, broken man he was on our last day. But the cheeky, clever, poetic soul that I loved with my whole being. That is what I choose.

“And tomorrow is a new day. The sun will rise, as always, and I with it. I will meet each day with the innocent joy of a child. I will grow from my pain. And I will always remember my Si.”

Eliza holds the cover open for a moment, allowing the last of the ink to dry before closing it carefully. She places her quill back in its well and takes a deep breath. Her red eyes and tight throat remind her that healing takes time. And although she yearns to feel better tomorrow, she will not. Pushing her chair back, she rises and heads for the bedroom with but one thought. ‘I must get some rest. Perhaps it will help the pain.’ As she curls herself into a ball in the center of the over-sized bed, another thought comes to her, just before a restless sleep overtakes her. ‘I wish I had some of Avalor’s whiskey….’

 

[[Characters mentioned in this post: Rose Raven (Plaguedocling), Bernard (Joseph_V_B00), Avalor Astasel (SpaceOddity), Silas Astasel (ThatTromboneGuy), Ryuu Nova, Eliza Raven (gurlpirate)

Edited by gurlpirate
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Entry Two

 

As Eliza leans against the counter at The Raven’s Wing café, her mind begins to wander. Having had so few guests the past several hours will do that to a person. She’d thought about taking a walk around Providence, but she knew the second she walked away there would be a customer. Instead, she walked over to the small collection of personal items she kept in the café and pulled out some paper and pre-filled quill. Her mind was filled with emotions and numbness and her brain tried to make sense of it all. She decided to try and put down some words and perhaps her thoughts would come together.

 

“Memories burn, emotions freeze and I am somewhere in the middle.      
A burning icicle. A frozen flame.
Belonging to both worlds, and yet none at all.
Agony, rapture. Both at once, or neither.

Icy blue, emerald green and jade.  
More different than water and fire,
And yet, retain pieces of me.
And I of them. Always-”

 

As she completes the ‘s’ on the final word, she is startled from her thoughts by a young man bumping into the counter with a drunken, “S-sorry.” As Eliza stood to look at the man in surprise, a gust of wind caught the corner of her paper and flung it into the air, flipping over her head twice before curling around one of the large entrances. She stretched to reach it, leaning over the counter and standing on her toes, but to no avail. The small note was lost to her, floating down the main streets of Providence before catching on a tree branch and falling to the stone street.

Eliza huffed, turning back to the man before her. “Can I help you?” She asked, frustrated. The man said nothing more and stumbled away.
 

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Entry Three

Eliza meanders the rooms of Ryuu’s Providence apartment with no real destination in mind as she cycles through her thoughts. She wanders into the office and suddenly finds herself seated at the desk. Her book lay in the center of the dark mahogany wood surface. She stares at it for a long time, her mind suddenly blank. After a few moments, Eliza snatches up her quill and flips to the next empty page.

“Today was interesting. The café gained a bit of traction. Although I still wonder if we need to rework the menu. The foods aren’t selling well and I know it’s not because the food tastes bad. A little girl asked me to add cupcakes to the menu, so I suppose I should start working on that soon. I’ll need to get with the rest of the Esbec food council folks and see if they have any ideas.

“Rose is here! My heart nearly leapt from my chest when I saw her. She was sitting in the Hunter’s Haven tavern in New Esbec writing in her own book. She’s absolutely lovely. Long red hair in a braid over her shoulder. Curious green eyes. A very quick tongue. She asked a great many questions about her father, most of which I could not answer. She’s clearly afraid that Toni will not like her. It breaks my heart to see that much uncertainty in someone so young and clearly very intelligent.

“I took Tirilan to see New Esbec a while ago. It was very relaxed, but he said he was interested. He told me he wants to be involved and perhaps even move when the housing is complete. I am fairly conflicted when I think about he and Toni living so close and potentially working together. But, I am hopeful that they can both be adult enough to make it work.

“A few days ago, he asked if I wanted to try again; dating, I mean. We didn’t get to discuss anything further, and I have only seen him once since that time. But, it feels like Tirilan. I am always comforted by his presence. Rose says she thinks he will propose to me soon. We’ll see. I teased to her that I hope I get a ring this go ‘round. But I am not sure if I am ready for that. Truthfully, this heartbreak has been especially difficult. However, I continue to believe that I will make it through this season, as he seems to have.

“I’ve been helping Avalor and Emma plan their wedding. It is in 2 Saint’s Days and I am so excited! I think everything is ready, aside from the cake. Helping organize this event for them has been a delight. I am beginning to wonder if I could do it full-time and maybe make a bit of money doing it. Only time will tell.”

 

[[Characters mentioned in this post: Rose Raven (Plaguedocling), Tirilan Sentinel (jameson_h), Avalor Astasel (SpaceOddity) & Emma (KilledByGrace).

Edited by gurlpirate
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Entry Four 

A new page opens in Eliza's journal. She doesn't want to write at all. Her bed is calling her name and sleep along with it. For in sleep, Eliza feels no pain and she yearns for the rest. Taking her quill in hand, she promises herself that she will sleep as soon as she finishes this page...

 

 

Today was arduous. Today was joyous. 

I received an invitation to Silas' wedding a few days ago. It took me completely by surprise. At first I thought I wouldn't go. I knew the experience was going to be uncomfortable; little did I know just how much.

Silas married today. His bride is lovely, far more than I could ever be, and seemingly with-child. I must admit, it was difficult to be at the celebration, though I did want to support Silas, despite my own feelings.

After his brother, Avalor married his own lovely bride. I was beyond proud to be part of their wedding. Emma has become a dear friend and the two of us decided to be one another's sister from now on. 

Kind-hearted as ever, Tirilan accompanied me to both events. He stayed by my side the whole day, and I was glad of his company. He doesn't seem to mind my past history with Silas at all. Tirilan seems very focused on the now, which I should perhaps try to adopt. 

 

 

[[Characters mentioned in this post: Silas Astasel (ThatTromboneGuy), Avalor Astasel (SpaceOddity), Emma Astasel (killedbygrace) & Set Tirilan Sentinel (jameson_h) ]]

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Entry Five 

 

I saw Arthur Hendrick today. But he is not what I remember from Helena, where he was a kindly ghost. Now, he is malicious and frightening. 

I was working in the Providence cafe, when things started going a little strange. The bread on the shelf was suddenly on the floor. Then it sort of floated in the air. Toni happened to walk by at the moment and the bread seemed to rush at him! He managed to jump out of the way and hurried off. So, the bread came at me instead. After some arguing about the lamps, as well, I was suddenly overtaken. My mind and body were no longer my own. And there was a slightly familiar voice in my head. He made me do things. It started off simple enough. I'd been sitting on the counter, watching the lamps as they were being tossed about, and he pushed me onto the floor. I would have shouted or cried out, but I wasn't really able to. He made my body stand and forced me to walk towards the main doors to the tavern. Instead of just taking the stairs one at a time, I was given a push from the top one and made my way quickly and ungracefully to the bottom. At this point, enough of me was coherent to know I was scared to death. I didn't know what was going to happen, so...I started to cry. It also hurt, a lot, being shoved down the stairs. My dress was totally ruined and I was bruised for several days, not to mention the scrapes and cuts to my knees and hands. 

Sitting there on the ground in front of the tavern, bruised and scraped, crying... Almost no one around. After a moment, I realized my tears were not normal. It was blood coming from my eyes, not tears! Now, I'm absolutely terrified and I'm not ashamed to admit that I shouted out for Tirilan. 

After a couple of minutes, a man came up to me. He asked if I was okay. My head looked up and a voice came out that was not at all mine. I said, "I've never been better!" And then I laughed this horrid and disgusting laugh. It chilled my heart. The man didn't seem to be afraid, though. He pulled out a cross and put it on my head. The being inside me didn't like that. He screamed and was even more angry than before. He eventually disappeared from my head and I was back to my own thoughts again; thoughts full of terror and pain and sadness. But they were mine, and I had control of my body again. 

I don't know what happened to the man that had helped me. I only know there was a lot of noise and darkness in the tavern, so I stumbled my way around the side. I collapsed against the steps and whistled for my raven. I had been carrying some paper in my pocket for a few days and was terribly thankful for it now. I didn't need any pen or ink... I just used my own blood from my tears and my finger to write a letter to Tirilan first, then to Bernard. I remembered he'd tried to help a poltergeist back in Arcas, and he's a dear friend. Basically the letters just said I needed help and where I was. I assumed the blood would assist in the feeling of urgency. 

Finally, Tirilan showed up. By this point, I was a sobbing mess, to be honest. I must have looked a sight. Sitting on a step, sobbing, covered in dirt and blood, torn dress... Bernard arrived just a few seconds after and Tirilan scooped me up and took me to the Providence clinic. Anduin was there, too, I think. They quickly treated my superficial wounds and helped clean the blood from my face. It got very boring after that, as Tirilan and Bernard both decided I should be taken home and sent to bed. And that's exactly what happened. I suppose they were right since I seem to have slept for about a day. I hope to never experience such a thing again. Tirilan gave me an aurum chain to wear, and hopefully that will help. Until I see Arthur again, there's no way of knowing...

 

[[Characters mentioned in this entry: Arthur Hendrick (MiniMuffinNinja), See Tirilan Sentinel (jameson_h), Bernard (JOC_B00), Anduin Rhys-Dering (pogsies)]] 

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