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Stress break


Lojo613
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Some music I think is pretty, no other reason

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Hey guys,

 

I'm taking a break, stepping away, who knows how long it will be. This whole thing with the Church has been horrible to be honest. I always try when I play this server to act cordial and nice to people oocly, and act with the best intentions of my character irply. But when mineman politeeks start to get involved, the waters between character action and friendship and trying to not get blacklisted from the things you enjoy doing become murky. When I wrote up my decision regarding the trial, Draeris and james2k asked me why I did it, and I told them my ooc motivation, rather than the IC motivation. James then told me that I had admitted to metagaming, which isn't true in the slightest. Father Goren as a priest had been around for a long time. Those characters which he had interacted with on a near constant basis consisted of Johan Vuiller (Played by HaraldMarron) and Alfred (Played by Froschli), as well as James II (VIROS) and Manfried (_GoldWolf_), even Pius of Sutica (thesmellypocket). These characters share not just years of history with Goren, but decades. These people, as far as Goren is concerned, are his family, especially being a celibate priest. In the course of one in game month, which would be one real life day, James and Pius both died, Johan and Alfred were both stripped of their titles, and a feud had started between Manfried and Johan. He was watching his family crumble, and could not think of what to do. At first, he thought of assassinating the new pontiff, but he never did, instead deciding to serve faithfully. But as time went on, as he saw how his brothers had been tossed aside and new strangers filled their roles, how deeply it grieved Johan most of all, he steeled himself to do what was right, when the time came. Hearing all of the allegations wavered his faith in Pontiff Owyn III, and he could no longer support the reign of this man. Goren was made Auditor of the Tribunal, and was assigned to bring the men purporting the schism to justice. While he did not know these men personally, they wanted a recount, and more importantly they wanted a recount which included his friends Johan and Alfred. He knew in his heart of hearts that he had a choice at this point, his family, or his obedience to tradition. And he chose his family. The way he did that was by rigging the trial, which he believed was a sham anyways, and hoped would save the lives of two men just a bit longer so that they could hold a synod and elect a new pontiff which would be more favorable to those he cared about.

 

Now some may ask then why I bothered telling Draeris and james2k about my ooc motivation at all. Well, it is because I assumed it was probably what they were most curious about. Every time people act on the server in a way like I had done, I assume that there is always some ic reasoning. But I cannot think of one person who does not also have ooc motivations in their actions, because given the interconnected nature of the medium of a roleplay server it is inevitable you must make some choice which also is influenced, at least to a degree, by forces other than purely "what would my character do now?". For example, if I wanted to live in a place with better architecture, is it metagaming to move my character there? Similarly, if you find a community to be unpleasant to roleplay in, although your character might now suddenly have the thought pop into their head "I think I should leave" the player most certainly will, and may lead a character down a roleplay path that results in the desired ooc outcome while also fulfilling the development of the character. This is what I meant by my statement, the waters get murky. In times of turmoil, our ooc motivations become just as driving as our ic motivations, and it prompts actions that, while within the scope of the character, also fulfill an ooc desire. I do not think james2k will bring up a BR against me for this, given how flimsy the case is, especially since I have logs of Goren talking to characters an irl day before the trial telling them about his emotions regarding it as well as his plans for it.

 

As for that ooc motivation, the Church had become increasingly toxic under Draeris. This is the fault of Draeris, but it was not intentional, nor really a result of him being toxic at all, actually. Unfortunately, some of the people Draeris brought in to be a part of the Church were toxic, although the one who pushed me out was frill. Frill seemed to dislike me, and target extra passive aggressive comments and rude responses to me. He would often play coy when I called him out on it, and at one point I literally snapped and insulted him, asking "why are you acting like a c-word." To this he responded by ignoring it for hours, and then at 3am pinned it. I said that was pretty neat, and he started playing coy again, so I just started to banter, I asked if he was salty about earlier, then he said he wanted a 500 word response so, taking this to mean he hadn't really been upset, I jokingly asked when I was going to receive it. I hadn't realized frill was being serious, and was embarking on a lovely little powertrip. He removed my role, and demanded to Draeris that I apologize to him because "he wasn't gonna take any back sass from on of Draeris' little kids." Draeris gave him ADMIN perms, after he abused them for no reason other than he was upset that someone got mad back at him when he was intentionally inflammatory, and threatened to leave. His inflated sense of importance and ego were toxic, the way he treated me was gross, and I can confirm he is part of the reason for others leaving the community as well. When I left the Church, I called frill a stain on the community before I exited the chat. So keep your eye out for that epic little easter egg in any conversations he might have with some recent posts. Maybe he's a good person once you get to know him and tolerate is mannerisms, maybe he just acts like a jerk to some people, maybe he is exactly as I describe him and a passive aggressive bully, who knows, but all I saw and got was toxicity. Furthermore, while I said that Draeris was for the most part not toxic, there were times when he would do things like call VIROS a retard that angered me and bred a desire to leave.

 

I guess I am too old to be playing now, and the luster of things like minecraft politics just didn't appeal to me enough that I would allow my character to go down a path which would leave me in that increasingly toxic community. I do not like being treated like **** constantly from someone in a videogame which I do not have to be playing, and I was not going to give them the satisfaction of simply logging off and not giving my character the finale it deserved. As a disclaimer to all you out there who feel trapped in shitty online communities because you have some sort of "political" investment, just... leave. Burn it all down before you go if you like, or tie up your character's tale, but it isn't worth playing a game not to have fun or submit under the heel of those whose entire joy in life is derived from discord politics. I think it is childish to look at this game as if it bears any importance, and to accept being in such a negative community, rather than just sucking up the **** and dealing with it. Because you don't have to. 

 

I want to say @Drumoldththat I did not rig the trial oocly. I was telling you that because I wanted Draeris to think that is what I had done. Goren had been expecting to be faced with a trained ecclesiastical prosecutor in an absentia case, with you most likely playing defense attorney. He expected the defense to be given an unfair trial, and it to be obvious when he had given his not guilty as an act of rebellion, a rigged trial, yes, but all in character. I hope you understand that, if I had not been playing IC, it would have made more sense for me just to have stabbed Draeris in the Cathedral when I had the chance than go and hold a trial and do everything which I had foreshadowed I would do for a week in character. I like you, I hope you don't pk your priest, but if you do, just take a breather and stop playing lotc for a while or join a different community. 

 

To @dmitrisagain, it wasn't all ooc. I am sure that is probably what you got from everything I was saying, but it was extremely heavily in character. It just so happened that a lot of the various ooc arguments involved in the schism as a whole were directly tied with characters who had been removed. I hope you don't find yourself soured from what I did, because of how I explained it when asked at first. I owe you an apology for that. 

 

To anyone else who I won't speak to again and doesn't have me on discord and I can't chat with outside of this medium, I enjoyed rping with all of you. It'll be nice to take a breather. Goodbye.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Lojo613
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2 hours ago, Lojo613 said:

Unfortunately, some of the people Draeris brought in to be a part of the Church were toxic, although the one who pushed me out was frill. Frill seemed to dislike me, and target extra passive aggressive comments and rude responses to me. He would often play coy when I called him out on it, and at one point I literally snapped and insulted him, asking "why are you acting like a c-word. 

 

2 hours ago, Lojo613 said:

To this he responded by ignoring it for hours, and then at 3am pinned it. I said that was pretty neat, and he started playing coy again, so I just started to banter, I asked if he was salty about earlier, then he said he wanted a 500 word response so, taking this to mean he hadn't really been upset, I jokingly asked when I was going to receive it. I hadn't realized frill was being serious, and was embarking on a lovely little powertrip.

 

2 hours ago, Lojo613 said:

His inflated sense of importance and ego were toxic, the way he treated me was gross, and I can confirm he is part of the reason for others leaving the community as well. When I left the Church, I called frill a stain on the community before I exited the chat. So keep your eye out for that epic little easter egg in any conversations he might have with some recent posts.

 

2 hours ago, Lojo613 said:

Maybe he's a good person once you get to know him and tolerate is mannerisms, maybe he just acts like a jerk to some people, maybe he is exactly as I describe him and a passive aggressive bully, who knows, but all I saw and got was toxicity.

 

I would never say an Americanism as gross as "back sass", only that it is childish to give up and outright insult people you're disagreeing with.

 

I am sorry for removing your Discord server rank and asking for you to apologise for calling people ***** in order to have it returned. I didn't expect it to upset you and I would've been more tactful in asking you to not insult people in the future if I knew you would become this upset over it.

 

I hope you stay safe and have an eventual return, hopefully cooler heads will prevail in the future regardless. I am sure there will always be a community for you on the server, even if you currently believe there isn't one for you in the church.

 

xx

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Had some great RP with you, Dargrind. Have a good break and hopefully see you soon.

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Comes a time when the game runs up your patience and stops being fun, so it's always a good call to have some time away and come back later to see if things spark the same inspiration or nostalgia. It's an awful painful thing when a hobby turns into something so stressful, it genuinely sucks. That in mind best of luck and take care with everything.

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I had a ******* blast playing with you @Lojo613and was truly happy to see you return. I hope your break goes well and that you take care of yourself mate. And always remember you can always send me a msg if you just wanna chat. After all you do owe me that drink. <3

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You didn't just harm Frill and Draeris' RP with your ooc meta-gaming. There were many others that you harmed. We come on here expecting an enjoyable RP experience, and for characters to be able to be able to be antagonistic to each other while still being friends (or at least acquaintances) in real life. When you allow your ooc feelings to bleed into your character's actions, you break that role-playing contract that we all have with each other. If you couldn't separate that, it was time to take a break BEFORE you let it influence your character's actions, not AFTER. What you did was incredibly selfish as a player. 

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Sorry to see you go, but I wish you all the best. Appreciated the few times we interacted, and hope you feel better soon.

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You're one of the people who inspired me to join the Canonist community way back in July. It's sad to see you go, but best wishes

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Enjoy your break but... I find it better to leave quietly than to try to throw others under the bus. The truth always comes out. 

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On 1/10/2021 at 3:06 AM, frill said:

I would never say an Americanism as gross as "back sass", only that it is childish to give up and outright insult people you're disagreeing with.

 

I am sorry for removing your Discord server rank and asking for you to apologise for calling people ***** in order to have it returned. I didn't expect it to upset you and I would've been more tactful in asking you to not insult people in the future if I knew you would become this upset over it.

 

I hope you stay safe and have an eventual return, hopefully cooler heads will prevail in the future regardless. I am sure there will always be a community for you on the server, even if you currently believe there isn't one for you in the church.

 

xx

Aw, thanks for my apology @frill! I'll let it slide that it isn't 500 words long. Goodbye forever.

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