A Moth's Ruminations: V

[UnBaed 8910]

Spoiler

 

 

 

Moliana in profile.

[Original piece by: 早稻]

 

The following is a private entry to Moliana’s journal

Please do not metagame the information of this post, unless information is acquired through genuine RP.

 

24th of The First Seed, Year 40,

 

To do list:

• Research Alimar name
• Buy proper cookbook 

 

I never imagined I’d share the truth with Elimar and father first.  How else could I have made them realize my desire to be understood, to have someone that I can be able to confide in?  To be freed of this tangle of and knots of secrets… I know I am likely to guard more secrets the older I get, that this knot is to only grow more taught.  Could father have been right in telling me to forget seeking companionship in any shape?  That it is better to accept your loneliness and pursue greater things?  No… When I had been able to share secrets promised to no one, that tension within me finally grew  more bearable. 

 

When I look at my father, I see what such a cold life has delivered him to; what it has transformed him into.  He is a walking husk, the echo of a man that could have never been.  The only thing which drives him onward is his desire for vengeance upon my grandfather Ostromir.  Perhaps he was given no choice but to pursue this manner of living, the brief tales he has shared of my grandfather have been nothing but nightmarish and grim; I still hope that I shall never encounter him, nor any who follow him.

 

Due to his own bitter experiences that have inured him to the suffering of life, it had felt like my father viewed me as nothing but a child; a little girl caught up in her dreams who wept over trivial affairs of the heart.  Yet now he knows of my struggles, or rather, he has seen a glimpse of them.  Still, a sliver of information is better than lingering in oblivion.

 

As for Elimar, I think he remains to be one of the first people who has shared a similar life to myself - to an extent.  I almost feel as if he is one of the few people I could ever put my trust into.

 

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Spoiler

 

 

 

26th of The Grand Harvest, Year 40,

 

To do list:

• Purchase compass
• Patch up canteen
• Research bloody flower
• Acquire more for Josephine

 

Booker rests now.  When I fed him the stew infused with the blood lotus, he had already begun to recover quickly; I shall never underestimate the potency of these herbs again (and perhaps I’ve proven to be a far better cook than baker!).  I feel as if I am to blame for his illness.  Despite what he is and what he is capable of doing, he is still just a child.  I had promised to care for and guard him, yet I almost failed with my lack of desire; my lost drive.  It made him vulnerable, and even put the Second unconscious!  As for the other two, I am unsure how they fared.  I hope they are recovering too.

 

I feel as if I’ve awakened from an endless, circling dream of dead ends and stagnation.  I cannot remain idle, lest I lose sight of my desires and risk Booker’s health again.  I must ensure he begins to properly care for himself, too.  The Second was right about his horrible routine--or lack of one--in washing himself.

 

For too long, I think I have remained in the Augustine.  I cannot seek a life of adventure, wonder, and wisdom by roaming these labyrinthine halls forever; I had only intended to stay for the Season, yet a flurry of revelations over the course of that year overwhelmed me and knocked me down.  For my sake, and now for the sake of my blood-relatives, I must go out into the world.

 

A threat lurks and leers over my family, a shadow which looms over us all; a shadow in the shape of my undead grandfather.  He may not have a single thought or care about my family, good or bad; it’s entirely possible he’s dismissed our existence entirely, yet that all remains unknown.  Insight may be provided once my father attempts his deed in slaying him, yet I’ve little faith in his success.

 

I know my father shares a similar confidence to myself, yet he remains unswayed in his decision.  He intends to meet his end, his permanent end in this act.  I only fear what the ripples of his demise may bring to my family, if any lingering anger wishes to seek more vengeance against my father’s disobedience.  Father says I must be the one to protect mother and sister, should that happen.  It’s only more reason for me to get back to my ventures, so that I can sharpen my skills.  I must be prepared, should the consequences of my father come to bite us in the ankle.

 

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Spoiler

 

 

 

12th The Amber Cold, Year 40,

 

To do list:

• Ask father about Vladislav
• Patch hole in sleeve
• Give innkeeper a tip for their graciousness
• Look into water-proofing satchel

 

I suppose I ought to count myself fortunate that this journal wasn’t reduced to trash after falling in that subterranean lake.  My begrudging thanks to the Third, for pulling me from those black waters almost immediately.

 

Damn my foot!  I can’t believe I had managed to sprain my ankle during that jump, I should have tossed the torch to Elimar first so I could actually see where I was leaping to!  That slip through the bridge and the day-long trek to this town only worsened it, I can hardly leave my inn room like this.  I won’t even begin to write about this horrid hangover from the Carrion.  I must be sure to thank the innkeeper again for his hospitality and aid.  Du Loc has proven to be a pleasant surprise on this little venture.

 

20th of The Amber Cold, Year 40,

 

I’ve been able to venture around the streets of this quaint town, I think I shall be able to travel again by the week’s end.  A familiar name I hadn’t realized I’d see here is a fellow named Oijin.  Well, he’s more than just a fellow; he’s a skilled alchemist!  His books on alchemical legends had always fascinated me as a child, I had always taken great care when it came to dusting their spines and leafing through their pages to check for booklice.

 

He almost didn’t seem real when I saw him with my grandmother, that night of that ritual.  It had been a while since its memory resurfaced, yet ever since Elimar showed me that Door… it’s clung to me again.  Those wails, those distant cries and calls for my name to step into that crimson pond.  When the guests in the inn continue their merrymaking into the smaller hours of the night, their rabble and cheers are almost warped through the floorboards to sound like the voices I heard that wretched night.

 

A side-effect is all it was, for a successfully enchanted boon for the Wizard.  I still shudder to wonder what a failure would be; has Oijin seen more nights reminiscent of that first?  I don’t think I shall ask him, though I may inquire after the Material Alphabet.  His insight could prove useful as I contemplate over the runes of that Door, but I must word myself carefully. 

 

For now, I shall plan to return north to conduct more research - and to deliver this lotus to Josephine.

 

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Spoiler

 

 

 

17th of Snow’s Maiden, Year 41,

 

Sour.  Everything always goes sour… A moment of bliss is just that; a moment, and then it’s gone.  Is there something wrong with me?  Had I brought this unto myself for having not opened up to my mother?  No- No, if I had told her everything I could- She would have done the same as she has this week and taken every matter into her own hands.  Every decision would be robbed of me, I’d be smothered back into being a pawn, even if it is because of her love for me.  I do not  need to be saved.

 

She had almost crossed the line before, due to her care for me; when Lililac delivered the news to me of grandfather disinheriting me from the Cotsofana family.  She had lashed out at Liliac and spoke of seeking out the Emperor for consequences!  I still remain thankful to have been capable of putting a swift end to that, before it worsened.  If only I could have done it again.

 

I must go as far south as I possibly can.  I can no longer bear to hear the chatter of the Haeseni wedding, I want nothing more to do with the North.  Not for a long time… No- Not ever.  I don’t think I can ever show my face in Hanseti-Ruska again after how my mother had confronted Sig, after how she told me what he’d said in return to her angry words.  Had she even been truthful with me?

 

Those two kisses stolen behind the shelves filled me with such warmth, yet now as I look back over the memory I feel the bitter sting of tears in my eyes and a horrible pain in my chest.  Had he always played me for a fool, or was his love true?  I shall never know, for it’s all been reduced to naught but ash in my mouth.

 

The list on who I can trust grows smaller and smaller.  My letter of farewell to him will be made once I’ve collected myself again.

 

M.

[MunaZaldrizoti 5674]

From her palatial apartments, Charlotte Augusta sat near to the crackling marble hearth, brooding over the events of the last few months. The Emperor had died, the cathedral had burned, and now her daughter was gone. What questions her younger daughter Josephine had, she could not bear to answer them. The dowager has been so sure of herself, when she had gone to confront the thing in Molia's life that had been causing her the most grief. But at what cost, when her daughter seemed to have pulled away once more? What was a mother's love worth, if it hurt your child more than anything else?