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FORESIGHT (TW)


esotericas
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FORESIGHT

 

OOC: HEAVY, HEAVY TW

if mentions of/implied self harm or suicidal ideation make you uncomfortable, please do not open the rest of this post.

Spoiler

 

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Aruan Jay Ferinn’s only known self-portrait, titled simply ‘foresight

 

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Aruan Jay Ferinn has not drawn in years. After filching some of his wife’s medical books, he believes the tremor in his hands (tremor is a light word, really) is some combination of tendonitis, sleep deprivation, and the constant thrum of anxiety that tickles at the top of his spine. His hand shakes when he picks up his pen, but instead of wincing at the ache and pleading at his wife for something to fix the pain, Aruan simply grits his teeth, adjusts his grip, and sets pen to paper.

 

Aruan Jay Ferinn has never drawn himself before. Sitting curled up in front of his bedroom mirror, he finds his own gaze to be rather unnerving. His eyes seem too white in the yellow lamplight, and looking at his hair makes his neck itch. He finds the portrait inaccurate, but it’s good enough. (Or maybe it’s a prophesy, specifically one of the self-fulfilling nature - or perhaps this is less of vision of the future and more of a plan and a prediction of his own feelings after the plan has been completed. Aruan finds that it doesn’t really matter.)

 

Aruan Jay Ferinn looks down at his plan-prophesy-portrait, and figures that there’s no time like the present. Carpe diem, right? He sets his sketchbook aside, the fresh ink on the page smudging slightly, and pulls out his knife.

 

Slowly, carefully, the deed is done.

 

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Aruan Jay Ferinn looks at his reflection for one singular moment, head already swimming with bloodloss. He sets the knife aside before he can hurt himself (ha), and rests his head in his hands, taking the weight off his suddenly weak neck. A trickle of blood makes its way across his now-downturned cheek.

 

Aruan Jay Ferinn is not sure that it was a good idea, now that it’s over. He has been trying to make himself do this for so many years that he has completely forgotten to actually think about it. But as the world twists into blackness and Aruan falls unconscious, he is left with a deep, satisfying pain, and knows he made the right choice. 

 

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anyway i think there should be a downvote button just so u guys can downvote my angst

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