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A public service announcement on what pets are hot and what pets are not, a zoologist's study.


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A public service announcement on what pets are HOT, and what pets are NOT.

A study by a professional zoologist. 

 


Author’s Note:

 

I’ve noticed that a lot of people have pets, but not a lot of people have cool pets. To save everyone the time of reading as many books as a zoologist (like me), I’ve put together this guide on what pets are in and what pets are out. This is not a complete guide, because I probably forgot to add some pets. So we’ll call this volume one.

 

-Lady Amadea Ulyssa of Carrington, zoologist and professional cool-kid.

 


I: The coolest pet possible, the tarantula.

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For the hot-or-not rating of the large arachnid (spider), the tarantula breaks the scale. A lot of people are afraid of tarantulas, but they shouldn’t be. I actually read in a book that they’re more afraid of us than we are of them. I have a tarantula, whose name is Terrence, and he has never bit me. Bonus points if you have a red-knee tarantula (pictured), they’re the coolest. You need lots of other bugs to feed tarantulas, and a nice leafy warm home for them to live in (but you can carry them in your pockets to transport them). If you really want to be cool, you’ll get a tarantula.

 


II: Almost as cool as tarantulas, elephants.

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Elephants aren’t quite as cool as tarantulas, but they’re still very hot on my scale. They’re at the top of the scale, they  just don’t break the scale like Terrence does. You can ride elephants, and they’re really big. But they’re also very noisy, and their skin is all wrinkly and dry. Elephants are vegetarians, so you don’t need bugs for them like Terrence, but they do eat a LOT. I was once told Majid the elephant can eat whole watermelons, but I’ve not yet seen this confirmed.

 


III: Still cool, but not topping the scale, parrots.

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Parrots can talk like people, which is why they’re so high up in terms of coolness. But, because they can talk like people, they can copy you, and that can get pretty annoying. Plus, they’re awful at keeping secrets because they just want to repeat you. And really, what’s the point of a pet if you can’t tell it your secrets.

 


IV: Hot, but can’t talk, ferrets.

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Ferrets would be higher up if they could talk like ferrets, but they can’t. But they’re really cute, and their fingers are little and pink which is also really cute. And it looks like they’re wearing little masks, but that’s really just fur. And they climb all over you and are so slinky and ling and soft. And you can tell them secrets, but they can’t talk. So they’re hot, but they could be hotter. 

 


V: Kinda like a ferret, but meaner, cats.

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Cats are a pretty average pet, but they’re cool because they’re cooler than everyone else. They’re not very high on my list because they can be pretty mean sometimes. But they’re pretty funny if you make them chase toys. They really like fish, or at least my cat really likes fish. But I read in a book that they can eat fish so I think all cats like fish. Cats can be very snuggly, but other times they may try to scratch your eyeballs out, which is pretty mean.

 


VI: A bird, but this one can’t talk like a parrot, parakeets.

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Parakeets can talk, but they can’t talk like parrots can. So they’re not as cool as parrots. But parakeets are cuter than parrots. They’re also smaller, which is probably why they can’t talk as well. But like parrots, you can’t really trust parakeets with your secrets, because they may tell people your secrets by copying you. They’re very colourful, I have a green and a blue one. 

 


VII: Sometimes hot, but sometimes not, plants

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Plants can be cool, but plants can also be really NOT cool. It depends on the plant. Some plants are really pretty, but then some plants will try to kill you - or they may try to kill your other pets! Some plants are even pretty AND they’ll try to kill you. So plants are a pretty risky pet. Venus fly traps ( not pictures) are pretty cool though. They eat flies,

 


VIII: NEVER EVER HOT NOT IN A MILLION YEARS, snakes.

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Snakes are never okay to have as pets. There’s so many poisonous types of snakes, and they’re actually scary (unlike spiders). If you want to be cool, and have hot pets, never get a snake. Never ever.

 


IX: Honourable mentions


The regular pets, like dogs, horses, fishes.. Are all totally acceptable, but they’re not hot. You can have them, but you won’t get any hot points, but you also won’t get any not points. Hermit crabs and whales are also hot, but I’m saving those for volume two.

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Wilhelm Wald tells his two pets Sonic the Hedgehog and Knuckles the Echidna, that he's sure they'll be included next time.

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Prinzenas Maya sat wondering about frogs, though considering her friend wore a froggy hat she’d decide they were the hottest. 

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Konstanz Barclay is confused about where his pet sparrow falls on the list.

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Viktoriya frowns as rats weren’t included. 

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Senex reclined back in a chair, reading the PSA as he sipped his morning tea, "Quite an interesting study! Though, perhaps I am out of sorts...does the author not refer to these selections of pets as both cool and hot? I never took the temperature of a tarantula, but snakes indeed are a cold-blooded creature... I'd like to pick this zoologist's brain on the matter." The old man finished off his tea and collected his quill and ink.

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      Abraham begins commissioning a flame-enchanted bracelet, so that he may exterminate the tarantulas coming near his house. "They about to be real hot.." He grumbled.

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Spoiler

what's lady amadea's thoughts on the opossum

Z.png

 

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Ratcliffe absolutely malds at the fact parakeets are shown separately from parrots despite also BEING parrots themselves. He crosses his arms, furious that he is mute and unable to read or write, therefore unable to make a snarky remark to the author. 

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19 minutes ago, ᴜɴᴡɪʟʟɪɴɢʟʏ said:
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what's lady amadea's thoughts on the opossum

Z.png

 

the Lady Amadea, professional zoologist, has many thoughts, some of which may surround opossums, or may not.. The reader shall have to wait for the published volume two..

15 minutes ago, rukio said:

Ratcliffe absolutely malds at the fact parakeets are shown separately from parrots despite also BEING parrots themselves. He crosses his arms, furious that he is mute and unable to read or write, therefore unable to make a snarky remark to the author. 

Amadea, the nine-year-old author would remain ignorant to this factoid. Different looking birds must be different birds, of course.

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Spoiler

Hello, to piggyback off this, as a vet tech, I shall now tell you what your dog breed says about you (don’t take this too seriously)

 

french bulldog- you paid too much for a genetic disaster, and need to assess your life spendings

 

ANY DOODLE- As a doodle owner myself, I understand the perks of a low shed breed. HOWEVER YOU MUST ACCEPT IT IS STILL A MUTT. 


Pit Bull- your just a nice person

 

Land Shark (chihuahua)- your a masochist. This little creature will chomp on you and you find it cute.

 

Golden Retriever- fantastic choice in dogs. Your also a bro.

 

Shar Pei- You have skin of steel. I touch one of these and I get a rash instantly.

 

dalmation- why does this breed hate me? Also your a normal person, probably watched 101 Dalmatians as a child.

 

doberman- you thought you would get a big protective breed, and are disappointed that it just wants to be a lapdog (or your happy about that idk)

 

Great Dane- you couldn’t afford a horse. Also this breed is really whimpy, and are scared of chihuahuas, though I am too.

 

Pomeranian- you didn’t want a dog. You wanted a pillow you carry around everywhere, and who barks like a squeaky toy

 

Boxer- your a spontaneous person, just like the dog breed. Love boxers but for the love of god, I want them to stop licking my face.
 

laborador retriever- normal person again, probably had labs growing up and now have labs as an adult etc etc. also if it’s a girl, its a 50% chance it’s named Stella, Lola, or Lilly. 
 

im not going to write all the breeds ofc, my thumbs are getting tired because I’m on mobile. If I missed your dogs breed, I’ll totally reply to you with my assessment.

 

Rosemary Gendik shivers, wondering why anyone would want a tarantula 

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6 minutes ago, SapphirePool said:
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Hello, to piggyback off this, as a vet tech, I shall now tell you what your dog breed says about you (don’t take this too seriously)

 

french bulldog- you paid too much for a genetic disaster, and need to assess your life spendings

 

ANY DOODLE- As a doodle owner myself, I understand the perks of a low shed breed. HOWEVER YOU MUST ACCEPT IT IS STILL A MUTT. 


Pit Bull- your just a nice person

 

Land Shark (chihuahua)- your a masochist. This little creature will chomp on you and you find it cute.

 

Golden Retriever- fantastic choice in dogs. Your also a bro.

 

Shar Pei- You have skin of steel. I touch one of these and I get a rash instantly.

 

dalmation- why does this breed hate me? Also your a normal person, probably watched 101 Dalmatians as a child.

 

doberman- you thought you would get a big protective breed, and are disappointed that it just wants to be a lapdog (or your happy about that idk)

 

Great Dane- you couldn’t afford a horse. Also this breed is really whimpy, and are scared of chihuahuas, though I am too.

 

Pomeranian- you didn’t want a dog. You wanted a pillow you carry around everywhere, and who barks like a squeaky toy

 

Boxer- your a spontaneous person, just like the dog breed. Love boxers but for the love of god, I want them to stop licking my face.
 

laborador retriever- normal person again, probably had labs growing up and now have labs as an adult etc etc. also if it’s a girl, its a 50% chance it’s named Stella, Lola, or Lilly. 
 

im not going to write all the breeds ofc, my thumbs are getting tired because I’m on mobile. If I missed your dogs breed, I’ll totally reply to you with my assessment.

 

Rosemary Gendik shivers, wondering why anyone would want a tarantula 

Spoiler

Your entire spoiler hurt my soul and brain but then I saw you were a vet tech and it all made sense.

 

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