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Guide me through the storm


Tigergiri
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It felt like her life was closing in on the darkness surrounding her, and all she could think about was that charismatic smile, never getting to hear that laughter for herself. If only she could hear it just one more time. The sound of her voice, the way she entered a room and everyone froze; there was respect hidden behind her perfect face and pink hair. And I was never going to see her again. I was never going to She knew her siblings played around in the halls, but--her tanned hand reached closer to the door. No, I'm staying inside. They don't need me anyway. Her head bowed as she walked away from the kids playing, the kids who could stand up for themselves. The echo of her laughter rang throughout the halls. "One day," she said to herself. 

 

Everything came down to a boiling point, a boiling point of misery and sorrow. Every pent-up emotion she refused to reveal behind her fox's grin. Every joyful smile she counted, every tear risked bursting at the very seams. It wasn’t like she didn’t know it would happen, but it was meant to happen in later years, so she would never have to step up to the plate. It wasn’t like she didn’t walk past the hall and knew the door was shut, and she couldn’t see...  What might lie beyond the oak door? Was there anything she could say? She decided not to talk to her sister and continued her day. "We all have misfortunes," the words repeated from her lips like a promise—a lonely pledge.

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Maybe everything changed when she stepped into that burning building. The dry land and the wooden buildings of Savoy were caught on fire. Nothing was saved from the flames that licked at the books and doors. She remembered choking and coughing, looking for survivors. The flames were tall, vicious, and angry, and the room was smoky on the search for civilization. This wasn't her nation, yet she was reaching out to help. She was called a good Samaritan, but no one from that nation followed her into the flames, and they didn't even look back to put out the fires. Why did they let that building burn? Lately, in her dreams, when she turned past the thick fog, it was her family, her father, her fiance, then finally -Aylin, staring at her with blank looks in their eyes. Why would she go into a burning building? But in her dreams, she never got out of the burning building. Once she stepped foot in the smashed window, it closed up, swallowing her and there she was left in the heated, blazing room. Then the dreaded wooden post would come down, smothering her under its scorching heat, keeping her down, pinning her in her worst nightmares, forced to pick it up with her hand and continue further in. 

 

Thump

 

 

The flames shifted and contorted as her fiance came to face her, golden eyes watching her. He would break down in her arms and howl. And at that moment, she had no words, nothing to comfort the sobbing love of her life. His body would vanish when she would even try to speak. The thick black smoke went into her throat and choked the words. He stood at the edge of the burning building, beckoning, goading her to reach in to help him, even if she knew everyone would be scorched in the process. Everyone was still in the building that needed to be saved. Each time she had a nightmare, her response changed as the flames beckoned her to her fear. Her hand reached out but would hesitate. So much hesitation: "Don't you love me?" The words would echo and break her down; "Let's die young." each taunt that she knew wasn't real was brought forth. "your  not worth the trouble if you dont help me."   The world was shrinking in, the Orish war drums drumming to each beat of everything closing in as she stared at the flames, but everything grew darker. The walls were becoming the teeth of inferi, sharp and growing red and black. And just as she chose him, her father's figure would flicker behind her, his voice calling her like the light was shrinking and flickering in the darkness. 


 

Thump

 

The beat grew faster, each thump of the drum demanding an answer. As if daring her to choose the Flames of her lover, her father in such darkness, or the people still screaming for help. Darkness, she didn't even know what was behind it. Would he be ok if she left him alone there? Her head would whip to her Husband, his pleading eyes the soul of fire heartbroken. She could leave him there, how would he get out of the flames? then the shrill screams of the people, not just from the fire but the ones from the war. Just as the howling stopped haunting her,  a twisted version of Aylin's voice whispered, "Make the choice, dear sister. Do not disappoint."  

 

A Disappointment. Was  she certainly a failure if she didn't choose? Could she not have it all? Could  everythign just wait? Could-? 

 

 THUMP 

 

Sunlit eyes shot open her heart hammering within her bed, clutching at the purple sheets, the smell of candles and fresh water wafting into the room. Sweats dropped down her forehead in fear, in terrifying fear. Her resounding thoughts echoed in her head. “It was just a nightmare. It was just a nightmare.”  getting up and looking at the papers that lined her office, the never ending work that kept her busy. Her eyes trailed down the hall where her fathers door shut from within, not even a light on. Has he already started his day or was he toiling away with the stress they all have faced with the war?  

 

Pausing in the hallway, she rushed back to her room.. Was it today? Looking at the date, was it today that day? The celebration of the crown that sat.Out to the wall she escaped out of sight. She was no longer a child. But trapped she was.  She felt liek the gilded bird forced to sing, but forever be trapped. Her eyes watched the trees in the breeze that settled in. the eerie silence, no crimes, no chatter for once it was peaceful.. The most peaceful her life has been in years. Her eyes glided over the still burnt rooftops and  remaining cracked rubbled that had no place.  Before sweeping to the scenery that left her confused. The darkness that held there.

The unknown. The incident that no one even dared to speak about. 

Yet they all wanted to ..

She was the shadow of the best leaders they had. The shadow was meant to stay hidden. She wasnt ever ment to rise to power. 

Yet… 

 

The dropplest of fallen water hit her hands that ached and broke the strings of her fabric, her ends of her dress torn by her own hand frayed from her constant nervous habit.  “How would you guide yourself through this storm, Aylin?”  Her tear stricken face, watching the trees and the foxes and other animals dart around it. 

 

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 Words left on a whisper. She knew there was no answer but the deep urging to ask the area. To ask the incident, would the last place she saw her sister be the last place she would get even an echo to answer a sign?  Her body was moving before she could even process the words of people urgently, presenting or just trying to say hello. Her body walked out to the front gate. Her eyes caught the Fox statue. Her first friend. Past that was the darkness of the forest.. Were the allies, the people who wished to hurt them.. Could she continue walking out and face the consequences?  Was the answer of her sister worth that much? Yes it worth more than she could think, if Aylin was the sun her father was the moon and she.. She was the star.  The guiding the light only as brightly as one would allow, as one of the skies would allow.  Yet she kept moving in the cover of darkness. She looked at the final place of her sister. The one sun, the one who did everything right. For once she didn't fear the unknown, the pressing weight that held her by her throat.  The darkness that swam her vision. 


 

Maybe she had gotten the answer that day, maybe she hadnt. But when she walked back into the gate she knew one thing. 

She wasnt the shadow any longer. 




 

 

Spoiler

Ooc: This was something I was writing for a long time that started out as a goodbye to an rp sister, to slowly figuring out leikas fears, what she was scared of what was constantly in the head of someone who didnt talk and hid their feelings like a mask to be played with. With all the certain rp  talks  of fears and consequences i thought it would be a good time to release this with some more of a writing. Please do not metagame or try to consider any of this something your character would know.   I think it is perfectly healthy for everyone to find their own character coping method..  Not everything needs to be outwardly told in speech, every persona has their own tells for how they deal with stress or trauma 

 



 

 





 

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