The Wheat Whacker Chronicles: Part One

[The Wheat Whacker 21]

[i] A new pamphlet arrives at your door.

THE WHEAT WHACKER CHRONICLES

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INTRODUCTION

 

What, ladies and gentlemen, are the tenets for every farmer? 

 

Of course, proper irrigation, seeding, and harvesting is key to any farmer’s livelihood. Alas, it seems more and more of us are forgetting these tenets! Across Almaris, much of which I have farmed in, there are unseeded patches and dry spots in every field. Much to my horror, I can assure you. The purpose, dear shepherds and shepherdesses, of this pamphlet is to bring attention to the sorry state of our fields. 

 

But what authority have I to comment on your farming procedures? The six thousand potatoes and carrots, and the eight thousand bales of hay, all perfectly stored in my storeroom, are my qualifications, dearest farmer. And, of course, if you’ve a field nearby, I’ve farmed it. From the tiniest farm just outside Corwinsburg to the farm just outside Amathea, I have farmed far and wide. If I haven’t farmed your fields, it’s only a matter of time. I, the Wheat Whacker, will aid you in your endeavors to better your farms. 

 

THE FIRST REVIEW

 

We shall begin, my farmers, in the Harvest Confederacy. Surely a nation named after harvesting will have immaculate fields, will they not? 

 

I’m afraid that the Confederacy will disappoint us, for while their fields certainly look impressive, they seem to value quantity over quality. At first glance, the golden fields of wheat and rich-looking vegetable patches fool most as they pass by. Poor irrigation and dry patches are apparent even in the very first fields I came across, just outside of Vienne, or whatever it’s name is now. 

 

A fluke, I said to myself, and shared a glance with my trusty companion, the Silent Sodbuster, saw us quickly harvesting all we could carry and wandering off to the next stop. The further inward we went, the more problems arose. 

 

We had run all the way to Arichsdorf, our bundles of wheat steadily growing, before we were too disheartened to continue. Bare patches riddled fields and poor lighting saw some of the seedlings not taking to even irrigated soil. Truly, a horrific sight. Dry soil was plentiful, and truly, my hopes cannot have been more crushed. While there may be hundreds upon hundreds of wheat fields, and the crop yield is impressive, it is not enough to excuse such heinous oversights. 

 

I truly hope this pamphlet, drawing attention to their problems, will prompt the farmers to correct their mistakes. 

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Do send in your farms for review. Even if they aren’t sent in, I’ll get to them eventually! All submissions should be forwarded to this address.
[OOC: The Wheat Whacker#1688]

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The foremost farming authority,

[Wretched Aidan 455]

Aldrych opens up his front door to find the pamphlet lying upon his doorstep! He leaned down to pick up the pamphlet and quickly scanned over the titled, all it took for the Young Farmer to drop everything he was doing at that moment was the word 'Wheat'. He quickly scanned over it before grinning from ear to ear, before then beaming, "Exactly! I couldn't of have said it better myself!"  He then set the pamphlet back upon the ground in exchange for his sickle, and he was back off into his local wheat field!