critter 2425 Popular Post Share Posted September 1, 2022 EMOTIONAL SAFETY: the act of feeling safe and having a healthy separation between RP and RL; feeling safe OOC during RP, regardless of the RP situation; a brave new frontier for LotCers. At times, this means recognizing that RP affects RL (and vice versa), but that recognition should deepen the line, not blur it. The purpose of this guide is to introduce three key principles of emotional safety I haven’t always seen recognized in the community, and then open the floor for a discussion regarding what is "safe RP," the lines of metagaming, what feels like peace & love nonsense, et cetera. Take what resonates with you and be kind. DISCLAIMER Spoiler This is not targeted at any one group or situation. This is a post that has been rattling around my head for a very long time, and one that after more time on the server as a whole, I am pretty sure is a useful idea. This is not a confrontation or a passive-aggressive attack; this is a genuine effort to provide some language, resources, and a space for informed conversations around the weird bits where RP and OOC overlap and accidents happen. I have spent the last four years researching emotional safety and implementing it in the LARPs and tabletop games I frequent. While my hands-on experience is only in the East Coast USA, many of these principles are taken from Nordic and European LARP practices where the terminology originated. I'm sure there'll be some culture gaps, but I am very familiar with this topic and very, very open to learning new perspectives and means of communication. THE BASICS Three basic principles of understanding emotional safety and when it comes up. Safety before immersion. Feeling safe comes before everything else. A few nuances; you can be safe but uncomfortable, and that’s OK. Other peoples’ safety still comes before your immersion. And my philosophy: you cannot have full immersion if you do not trust the players and the situation you are engaging with on an out-of-character level. Character bleed is going to happen. CHARACTER BLEED - The spillover of the character’s feelings to the player; when things that happen to the character affect the player beyond a comfortable level. This is the reason we need 'emotional safety' in the first place; everyone has acted poorly or been treated poorly because of some RP that didn't go the way someone wanted, and it didn't stay on the field. More on that in a second. Feelings are unpredictable. Mistakes are inevitable. Emotions themselves can’t exactly be controlled, and no one is going to handle every situation exactly right every time. The point of emotional safety is to try to prevent situations which need to be handled, to handle situations safely when they do arise, and to process and reset after unsafe situations occur. That’s three chances every time. UNDERSTANDING CHARACTER BLEED To understand character bleed, you have to accept that roleplay is going to affect your emotions. We couldn’t feel happiness for our characters’ successes if we weren’t also disappointed for their failures, and that’s OK.. Even ‘having fun’ is an emotional response, and I would argue that experiencing different emotions is the point of RP -- because RP is storytelling, and stories are meant to influence feelings. But everything has its limits, and ours is character bleed. Spoiler Character bleed is the point at which the overlap between player and character feelings begins to influence the player’s actions and relationships. If you’ve ever felt anxious around another player after your characters had a particularly nasty fight or angry at another player for a choice their character made, those would be examples of character bleed. The influence of character bleed is typically harmful, short-term or long-term (such as dating someone because your characters have great chemistry, only for it to be a total disaster), and it isn’t always obvious. I think character bleed is also inevitable, especially in LotC, where players have much more consistent access to RP. The server isn’t like a regular tabletop game; it can be accessed pretty much at any time, anywhere, and for as long as the player wants. That means we spend a lot of time in our characters’ heads, especially late at night when emotional barriers are already weak. What matters about character bleed, and what I’m most concerned with, is how we prevent it and how we respond to it. PREVENTING & RESPONDING TO CHARACTER BLEED (TIPS AND TRICKS!) If you’re with me so far, either you’re determined to compose a very thorough counterargument (awesome) or you’ve accepted that character bleed and player-character overlap is a part of the game (awesomer). This is also where things get more personal. Emotions aren’t rational or universal, and I am not anybody’s therapist. However, there are a few general tricks for preventing it that I like to recommend. Spoiler Never refer to your character as ‘I’. PLAYERS ARE NOT THEIR CHARACTERS. And this trick sounds silly, but it really, honestly works. When you’re talking out-of-character, consciously distinguish yourself from your character, and other people from theirs’. For the purposes of example, let’s say your character’s name is Ash and another player’s is Oak. Ash and Oak just had a barfight. The RP was really good; so you might say: “Ash was clobbered! Oak can really throw a good punch.” “I respect your CRP. I really liked taking Oak’s hits, even if Ash is butthurt.” This sounds, again, like RP kindergarten. However, repeatedly choosing to distinguish yourself from your character this way really is effective for preventing character bleed. Eventually it will become your instinct, and you’ll catch yourself when/if you do begin to mix up yourself and the character again -- which is also a good indication it might be time for another one of my quick-tips… Step back. LotC’ers, in my experience, are fairly good at this one in principle. It’s easy enough to log out, close Discord, et cetera. The real trick is knowing when to step back, and how. It doesn’t always have to be a hard log-off; ‘stepping back’ can look like: Finding an excuse for Y/C to suddenly leave a situation Toning down Y/C’s emotional response to a situation Switching to a more light-hearted or less-established persona Excusing Y/C from active participation in the RP, but staying nearby if you want to get re-involved This is also the introduction of ‘powergaming for safety.’ This isn’t actually powergaming; moreso, bending the limits of what your character ‘would do’ for the sake of your safety or comfort. If you have a very confrontational PC but you are not comfortable in an RP argument, this could look like finding that sudden excuse to leave, or your PC spontaneously deciding they really, really want to try anger management. I’ve found RP veterans have the hardest time with this one, and all I’ve really got is: please refer to ‘safety before immersion,’ and - Communicate. So. Given that we know RP affects RL, that our objective here is to facilitate safe immersion, and that other people are, unfortunately, essential to RP, it is very important to communicate with one another. This is not planning RP. This is not asking people what their characters’ reactions are going to be, or for any RP information. This is checking in to ensure the players, the real-life people involved, are comfortable with the tone, direction, or content of the RP, and establish equal footing as players. If you can resolve a question through RP, do so. I feel very strongly that using OOC chats for anything other than OOC purposes undermines them as a whole, and only serves to blur character/player lines. There’s no good way to briefly explain this, so peruse these examples at your leisure. CRP 1: Character scowls, going red in the face, and takes a step closer… 1: ((Hey, do you consent to CRP? 2: ((Yes 1: ((honor or rolls? 2: ((honor’s fine! 1: ((great, i’ll initiate in the rest of this emote 1: …and winds up, meaning to deck Character2 right across the cheek. --- 1: Character scowls, going red in the face, and takes a step closer… 1: ((Hey, do you consent to CRP? 2: ((Not tonight please 1: ((Still up for just dialogue conflict? 2: ((yep, ty 1: …and stops, as if catching himself, folding his arms tightly across his chest. METAGAMING/POWERGAMING (LotC’ers are super good at this one.) 1: ((hey, i didn’t show your character that note IRP yet 2: ((oops, void my emote --- 1: ((hey, i actually dodged that effect a couple emotes back 2: ((according to the lawr you were still within the range of effect; showing you the item again 1: ((i see, ty; taking the effect next emote GENERAL CONFLICT 1: ((hey, this rp got pretty intense. You okay? 2: ((yep, you? 1: ((all good here, lmk if you need to tap out 2: ((you too --- 1: ((hey, i’m really not up for rp this intense 2: ((oh ok! Something in particular? 1: ((not really into the aggressive insults? Everything else is pretty ok 2: ((got it, we can dial it back 1: ((ty! POST-CONFLICT 1: ((whoa, that got heated IRP. all good with you? 2: ((yep, had a great time! You? 1: ((all good! Emoting now --- 1: ((whoa, that got heated IRP. all good with you? 2: ((i’m actually a little anxious, are we ok? 1: ((yeah ofc, all of it was in-character. We can call it a night if you need a break Note: I’m pretty soft and touchy-feely, and these examples are super basic and idealized. How you check in, when you feel the need to check in, et cetera is entirely up to you, presuming you do so in good faith. Good stories and real immersion are impossible without some degree of trust and safety, but how you establish that in your community and your RP is going to be very personal and very different between groups. In my time on LotC, I have seen intermittent efforts to do these things; but a lack of cohesive language or baseline understanding of what emotional safety is. It’s my hope that in writing this post and opening this thread, we can start to have some real discussions and reflections on what ‘emotional safety’ could/should/does look like on LotC; now, in the past, and in the future. OTHER GREAT READS: https://www.lordofthecraft.net/forums/topic/195593-conflict-the-lifeblood-of-rp/ - Unwillingly’s guide to conflict. https://www.lordofthecraft.net/forums/topic/70580-how-to-rp-romance-without-being-creepy/ - Urahra’s guide to RP romance. https://www.lordofthecraft.net/forums/topic/92136-motivating-yourself-for-role-play-guide/ - Errand’s pre-RP peptalk. https://nerdist.com/article/coping-with-emotional-bleed-during-roleplay/#:~:text=Bleed%20is%20a%20term%20I,being%20something%20we're%20not. - More on character bleed and coping without seething. https://tschreiber.org/acting-tips/losing-yourself-in-role/ - Tips on character bleed; meant for actors, but there’s a lot of overlap. EDITED: managed to screw up the tips/tricks formatting so terribly it took out all the tips/tricks. Also clarified OOC check-ins vs. metagaming. 77 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
subatomic 1089 Share Posted September 1, 2022 🤯 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
HadvarAvMitteland 557 Share Posted September 1, 2022 As a banned player who has been involved in so many of these situations, I've come to learn LoTC as much as RP affects people OOCly, is just a game. Both the combat goons, who only care about their ego/gaining pixels (loot), and the roleplay enthusiast who falls in love with their characters story both fall into the "we are forgetting this is a game" category. I've done it before numerous times, and its something that should be spoken about more often I think. Great post +1 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jentos 6675 Popular Post Share Posted September 1, 2022 I'm going to make sure every member of the azdrazi community disregards this post and ensure that every interaction we have with other players results in the maximal amount of emotional trauma and psychological discomfort. Thank you. 41 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
critter 2425 Author Share Posted September 1, 2022 2 minutes ago, Jentos said: I'm going to make sure every member of the azdrazi community disregards this post and ensure that every interaction we have with other players results in the maximal amount of emotional trauma and psychological discomfort. Thank you. Yes, this was the goal. In fact I explicitly wrote this to ensure that every community who so desired would now have the exact weapons in their hands to further hone their torment of the playerbase. I will now rest upon my laurels in peace. 28 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jentos 6675 Share Posted September 1, 2022 3 minutes ago, critter said: Yes, this was the goal. In fact I explicitly wrote this to ensure that every community who so desired would now have the exact weapons in their hands to further hone their torment of the playerbase. I will now rest upon my laurels in peace. 17 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nooblius 5609 Share Posted September 1, 2022 keep yourselves safe 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClassyDryad 1730 Share Posted September 1, 2022 3 minutes ago, critter said: Yes, this was the goal. In fact I explicitly wrote this to ensure that every community who so desired would now have the exact weapons in their hands to further hone their torment of the playerbase. I will now rest upon my laurels in peace. Oh no oh my oh dear I always knew it I always did Critter is evil Critter is eviiiiiiiiiiiiil. In all seriousness I think character bleed is a very very important thing for people to understand, and I have long loved to hear Critter's thoughts on it. 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
creamynoteblock 2285 Share Posted September 1, 2022 I rp an isekai elf so i'm going to ignore this post 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sorcerio 4588 Share Posted September 1, 2022 Wow, this is great! Glad someone put this into words. 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeteorDragon 2705 Share Posted September 1, 2022 I think part of why people might have some anxiety with CRP, dealing with villains specifically, is that they always assume the worst and that they'll be killed and their stuff taken. An important reminder to all is that if a character dies, you don't have to pk (unless you're under a lore imposed pk clause, duh). If people would like, I think I'm going to do something sort of like this, explain your intentions to the person you're going up against! Not to the point of meta, but maybe just say "I'm here for the rp, I won't take your stuff if I win," or something along those lines. Of course, only do this if you plan to keep to your word 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
critter 2425 Author Share Posted September 1, 2022 1 hour ago, Sorcerio said: Wow, this is great! Glad someone put this into words. Thank you! I appreciate folks taking the time to read it. 1 hour ago, MeteorDragon said: I think part of why people might have some anxiety with CRP, dealing with villains specifically, is that they always assume the worst and that they'll be killed and their stuff taken. An important reminder to all is that if a character dies, you don't have to pk (unless you're under a lore imposed pk clause, duh). If people would like, I think I'm going to do something sort of like this, explain your intentions to the person you're going up against! Not to the point of meta, but maybe just say "I'm here for the rp, I won't take your stuff if I win," or something along those lines. Of course, only do this if you plan to keep to your word Yep. This is on both sides of villainy, too; it's really key to remember that players =/= characters. There are villain rp'ers who are genuinely some of the sweetest folks, and it's their willingness to do healthy villain RP that adds more depth to everyone's experience. That being said, totally agree here. The trust has to be built mutually, and a quick check-in goes a long way when it's coming from a player with a villain character. 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffBadger 580 Share Posted September 1, 2022 As someone who just pk'd a long time character in a conflict with critter themselves I just wanna mention that having these methods thrown out there before, during, and after by critter really made the experience a lot more fun. Plus honestly, it enhanced the rp itself quite a bit as well. Especially compared to some other less-than-stellar crp I've had in the past. Great post! 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zarsies 5970 Share Posted September 1, 2022 Simple but critical. Thank you for putting it to words, I've always felt and understood this but have never seen it written. 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
satinkira 5627 Share Posted September 1, 2022 this is a pretty cool post 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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