Evil Henchmen For Sale -- GOON INC

[Shorsand 1744]

[!] An advertisement sent to the most evil of domains and isolated lairs. No metagaming was involved in the dispensation of these advertisements.

 

 

EST'D TODAY, THIS DAY OF THE SECOND AGE OF ALMARIS

 

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EVILDOERS,

HAVE YOU FOUND YOURSELF AGAINST ALL ODDS? PUT TO THE SWORD AND NAILED HAPHAZARDLY TO A T-SHAPED CRUCIFIX ON SOME HOLY MAN'S FRONT LAWN NEXT TO HIS FLAMINGOS? IS THE ENTIRE WORLD BREATHING DOWN YOUR UNDEAD NECK? ARE YOU and YOUR MINIONS INCURRING STRESSFUL, SLEEPLESS NIGHTS AS YOU WONDER WHAT MIGHT BECOME OF YOUR EVILE CONCLAVE?

 

FRET NOT. GOON INC HAS A SOLUTION!

 

GOON INC provides TOP QUALITY henchmen to serve you and your malignant dogma. GOON INC is the realm's foremost supplier of goons, henchmen, and lackeys solely dedicated to your will and desire. For a small, one-time payment, you can purchase any quantity of GOONS for your conclave. GOON INC's servants are skilled in a variety of tasks and abilities, including but not limited to:

 

- Bending to your every whim.

- Binding victims to large slabs of stone.

- Constantly reassuring you of your undying supremacy, power, strength, etc.

- Dutifully embellishing every command with "Yes, master!"

- Skulking about surreptitiously and cackling madly as victims enter your domain.

- Defending your home from holy invaders via a series of trapdoors, snake pits, and lever-operated mechanisms.

- And so much more!

 

 

Pictured above: A prime employee of GOON INC hired by a local, organic Necromancer keep to torture victims in their free-range dungeon.

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What are YOU waiting for? Don't let the so-called "champions of GOD" bring you down. Bolster your necrotic crew with one of GOON INC's fine henchmen TODAY!

Prices subject to change.

 

GOON INC is not responsible for any accidental or purposeful death, dismemberment, purification of blood-ritual sites, forced conversion to Canonism, encasement in aurum coffins, crucifixion, sanctification, hallowing, cleansing, druidic-purification, or beheading by protagonists as you wax villainously about your plan to rule the world.

 

Interested? Take a ticket below!

[!] Several scissor-cut tickets are lined at the bottom of this advertisement with contact information.

((Reply to thread with

MC NAME

CHARACTER NAME

DISCORD

if interested.

))

 

Spoiler

 

[TheCaptain 403]

Honestly, what's the worst that can happen. 

 

MC NAME: Count Dracula

CHARACTER NAME: Capn_avery

DISCORD: capn avery#9608

[Nozgoth 2897]

MC NAME: Nozgoth

CHARACTER NAME: Welfley

DISCORD: Grungoth-Gung#5616