Fires Cast Shadows [A Departure]

[rukio 8910]

 

Spoiler

Don’t metagame the information in this post. Only the people the letters are intended for would receive them. This post is essentially a way to wrap up a persona I’ve played for a while now. I’ve been burnt out on LotC and need to focus on more important things for a while. I’m leaving Neht's fate open ended because I hate making decisions and finality. Shout out to the people I've roleplayed with and to the friends I made and play(ed) with. If you wanted a letter but didn't get one or you don't like yours, uhhh cope and seethe, I guess. There's only so much writing I can do when I'm sober. #FreeNarthok #FreeRyloth

 

Tired messenger birds would arrive at their various destinations. A strong scent of the sea concealed the normal odor of the pigeons. Each parchment was tied neatly with twine and ribbon. Away from the shore in unexplored waters a boat is rocked by gentle waves, mast pushed by billowing winds above. A white haired 'Thill closes his eyes. Dreams, nightmares, or darkness, all ever consuming. Horrors and delights. Everything and nothing at once. Yet one final thought came to mind as he made his peace: Where one thing ends another begins. On and on the world would go, with and without. 

 

The warmth of Earendel's hand interlacing with his own, bloodied as it was.

The strength began to leave his grip, slicked with crimson.

Hand fell from hand, only to be caught and held anew.

We were always meant to be together. 

So long as he lives on, I will exist.

The world became a blur.

Nehtamo smiled.

It was here.

Peace.

 

To Alucard,

Spoiler

Beloved mal’onnii, if you’re reading this letter then my request and plea was heard and acted upon. Life is precious and you’re still so young. You’ve made mistakes, we both did, but you shouldn’t have suffered so for yours. I’m sorry I wasn’t there, that I failed you as a brother. If I could take back our last argument, I would. If I could bear your pact for you, I would. Yet, I say all of these things and I did the bare minimum for you. You idiot, you are so loved by everyone yet you hurt too deeply to see how precious you are, how much you mean to those around you. Stop throwing your life away, stop doing things that could kill you. Live your life, let others shoulder some of the weight too.

 

I still recall when I first met you, when you were fifteen and newly joined to the Celia’nor diraar. The fear and resentment I felt when I was told you were my maln’s ward. I would laugh now, if I weren’t weeping over your fate, reflecting on that day. For all the negative emotions I felt, I knew how your story in Haelun’or would end and decided I would take you under my wing when it did. I’m sorry I was right about them, about how he treated you. I wish they had appreciated you for the fire and snark, the caring soul you are. 

 

I’m sorry I dragged you into heraldry and Asioth. Perhaps if I hadn’t you’d be alive now. I wished to spare you from the dark path you were treading in Serheim. Hindsight is everything. I’m sure you wouldn’t change a thing, except perhaps have me accompany you to that realm. Maybe I could have saved you. I was never enough, for you nor anyone else. My failures will ripple through time, my choices will forever leave their impact. I wish my impact on you had been better. 

 

If you are to read this letter someday then do better. Be better. Embrace yourself, love yourself. Don’t run from your defeats and guilt. Embrace and accept them. Move past them. Know that I will always be proud of you, no matter what. You will always be my little brother. I will always love you. 

 

-Nehtamo

 

To Morur,

Spoiler

You will always be a father figure to me. We are all flawed. We all have our torments. I hope that you make peace with your brothers. I beg your forgiveness for my actions in Celia’nor, that I struck out against you in my grief. There has always been a rage, a helplessness when I am unable to defend those who I care about. I was never enough. I will never be enough. But please, make peace with them and maintain it, even if you do not interact with them going forward. Hug Hera for me, she needs it, even if she’ll never admit it. 

 

You are good. You are light. You are bad. You are dark. You are balanced in a beautiful and ugly way, as only those who have come to fully understand Asioth can be. Thank you for all you have taught me, for all that you have led me to become. I hope I was enough for you.

-Nehtamo

 

To The An-Gho,

Spoiler

An earth that can be reached is no heaven, an earth that can be left is no earth. Silence its lies. Break their stone tablets. Destroy the chains of fate. Even ash is worthy of reverence. You taught me mercy and humility where I had only known stubbornness and pride. To spare and forgive despite a childhood in which I was raised to kill and obey orders. To be a guard and die for a kingdom that rejected me. Thank you for asking Um’ei of me. Sometimes the balance, ever delicate, shifts off course and good or evil outweighs the other. It will always find its way back, though. Good will turn evil and evil will turn good. The world carries on with and against every action or inaction we take. Time is nothing in the eyes of eternity, but everything in mortality.

 

-Neht

 

To Nememne,

Spoiler

Anemone. I couldn’t face you in the light of what I’d just done in Celia’nor and beyond. I still can’t. I wish our memories were of idle chatter beside fireplaces in Cartref Mor, of teasing and jests thrown in light hearted fun. Of that first meeting in Cartref’s tavern where you forced me to sit at the counter and be social when I was quiet and introverted, ashamed of my existence due to my treatment in Haelun’or. 

 

The atrocities I committed, the monster I became when we grew apart...I fear I could never face you in the light. My shame runs too deep, the nightmares of my crimes have cut me to the bone. It would be easier for me if you hate me, yet I hope you don't. I'm sorry I withheld the truth of my markings from you throughout our friendship, but I hope you understand the why, and that I am not him, that my acts had purpose and reason.

 

As I found myself along the path I chose I lost the self that I had been when we were close. I began to argue and bicker with those I had held close, you most of all. I was angry and hurt when you left us with Aurelion’s departure. I was bitter because I understood your pain all too well. It's a beautiful thing to be loved. It's a terrible thing to lose them. A difficult navigation in moving on with life. I’m glad you’re alive. I hope you don’t resent me.

 

-Tomato

 

To Alzihessan,

Spoiler

Brothers by choice though we share no blood. Do you recall the time you attacked that necrotic beast and I trampled it with Rebel? Or our adventures in the desert, with those beasts that would have taken our flesh. What fun we had, even if our chaos left us with scars. Each moment was worth each scar. A gay elf and a dwarf. There’s a punchline and a joke to be made of that somewhere.

 

 Understand that the removal of my markings was not a departure from my path but rather a continuation of it. Fire was never meant to fill my veins. To rise as ash was never meant to be my end. I’m glad you were able to do so, though. May you conquer that which tries to deny you. May your path be ever golden and your tree’s branches ever reaching skyward. Sing to the drake. Save it from the hunters. Do not slumber.

 

Miss Valyris,

Spoiler

The guilt and shame I have felt over my actions in the square will never be scrubbed clean from my conscience. The pain I felt over seeing my brother in that state was overwhelming, the guilt and rage that had built for so long finally swallowed me whole. I’m sorry that anyone was hurt, that you were put in harm’s way. 

 

As we fled I began to realize I am no longer the elf you once knew, the soft spoken and meek ‘Thill in Haelun’or, nor the bright eyed yet broken hearted Mali’ who had left Haelun’or in hopes of being reunited with the one he loves. You were there for me in a way that a mother or sister might, in a way a best friend would, and I repaid you with pain and suffering. I have been a selfish burden on you when you needed my aid and support the most. 

 

You were always right. If only I loved myself a fraction of the way I love him, but I do not. I likely never will, because I am okay with that. I have let him become my world and whatever path he chases, I will follow.

 

Celian synallin’ehya.

-Neht

 

To Theodora,

Spoiler

Quit reading people’s teacups. Don’t forget to eat a balanced diet. Return to this realm safely, enjoy your youth. You have a bright future but the here and now is a time to be a child. You are an elf. A thousand years is yours to behold. Study the clouds, do not seek the future in them. Listen to the rivers as they go. Spin within wheat fields and create chaos to the stalks. Be your authentic self and be proud of your wisdom. You’re smarter than most give you credit for. Never be ashamed of your accent or culture. 

 

-Love, best maln

 

To Alatariel,

Spoiler

Lions roar. Wolves howl. Dragons slumber. Is this insightful? Absolutely not. Go fishing, enjoy life again. I take after you, we wish to shoulder more than we ought to. I hope I made you proud. May the cloak help you, a gift in return for everything you did for me, though it will never compare to the gift you gave of acceptance. That you were my only family member who did not turn their back on me, ever. You’ll never know how much that meant. 

 

-Your favorite grandson

 

To Rhaelanthur,

Spoiler

[!] The letter is an old drawing created when Nehtamo was five, of Rhaelanthur and Nehtamo, poorly drawn yet both smiling.A simple sentence below:

 

You are the best marmal’onn someone struggling with their identity could ever hope for.

 

-Nehtamo

 

To Remon,

 

Spoiler

Death is not the end. Save him. Free yourself. Seek the Shamans. Stop repeating your cycle. Rise to the occasion so that you may slumber without guilt some day. Understand that if you do not my soul will find you someday and I will remove you from your slumber and ensure your torture is endless. Yet if you succeed I will let you rest in bliss. 

 

To Vothdrem,

 

Spoiler

Keep Ella safe. Guide her well. I saved your life enough that you owe me this much.

 

To Hera,

 

Spoiler

This path isn't your destiny. We both know it. You are too good and pure to do the things I have done, that others have done. Don't fall to my disgrace. Blossom into your own person, do not stand in the fires of your father's path. You will only burn away what makes you who you are. His death is not your fault. Do not blame yourself. Learn to forgive, even if only yourself. We both saw and did horrible things in the Academy. You can be free now. I removed my markings; I hope you find the courage to do the same. 

 

If you remain with them, however, don't be ashamed of your tattoos. They are but a part of your story.

-Neht

 

To Ella,

 

Spoiler

We're both wanderers. Quite like haelun in that way. But I will always be your big brother, and you will always be my lari'onn. Our paths will cross again, in this life or the next, of that I am certain. For now, Vothdrem lives. You two belong at each other's side, though neither of you may ever admit it. I love you, even if you're stubborn and proper to a fault. You have a good heart, let people in occasionally, and stop trying to beat them up. 

 

P.s. Make sure Lorelai doesn't eat candles or anything weird. We can't all be perfect, but she is still our sister. 

-Your favorite sibling

 

To Raziel, 

 

Spoiler

Sorry you got dumped, that sucks. 

-Nehtamo

 

[Jentos 6814]

The An-Gho smiled softly, folding the letter carefully to set it among others.  

[Apotolofo 1413]

Hera clutched the letter to her heart, tears streaming down her face.

But through her sobs she laughed, for he was right. She could finally be free. 

Fire was not her path, but the warmth of it was. 

I'll never forget you Neht. I love you. 

[Qizu 4037]

It was here that the Nephilim's body froze. Reading the letter over and over again his body remained in pain as his hand was locked in place - his eyes staring down at the letter. Thousands upon thousands of words and thoughts poured into his head, he wanted to speak but was incapable of producing a single sound. Silence.

[kindEmperor 999]

The creature with a heart of fire and skin of stone smiled gently at the note, reading each word again and again before he neatly folded it and placed it on a desk.