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Issue I : THE KAKTUZ WEEKLI


Mannamannaa
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[!] Bundles of newspapers would be spread throughout Almaris for all to see. While written cleanly and vividly upon dense sheets of high quality parchment, the pages of blocky script would be unskillfully formatted, with a noticable lack of pictures or other artwork. [!]

 

 

  THE KAKTUZ WEEKLI   

 

 

 

Vol. Azh (I)                                          Azh’kint’H’ (XV) (105) Second Age


 

Current Events

KRUGMAR SLANDERIZED, HYPOCRISY RAMPANT

While the topic of Krugmar’s great war against those beings now referred to as the Synods was going to be the headline piece of this issue, Kor’garr cannot simply watch and do nothing as the Ugz lays outrageous accusations at the feet of all Krug-kind. Consider this an apology for the obvious emotion and clear lack of neutrality in the following article. Recently news of the most cursed being Iblees’ return has been announced, and with it a resounding volley of claims that our Rex and those under him have forsaken the spirits and instead bent the knee to serve under the very being responsible for our curse. In particular, The Albai Princess Valyris Ibarellan directly stated in official writing “The Rex has sworn fealty to Iblees” and “prepares for war alongside the Betrayer’s loyal necromancers.”


[!] The piece continues on another page further in... [!]

Spoiler

…For those Nub-Uruks, Kor’garr should explain how this is literally inconceivable to any descendant of Krug. Our features, which you call ugly, our speech, labeled slurred and barbaric, the raging bloodthirst running through our veins… All of these curses were put upon our kind by that very same horrid being. To declare subservience, or even knowing allegiance, to it would be a dishonor of such magnitude as to insult Krug himself.  In many cases this disrespect would lead to immediate preparations for war by the current Rex, though it is obvious to state these are not normal times.

Moving along, the truth behind these accusations has been explained in a response by Rex Willy himself. The Rex did not swear an oath upon his name, the name of his ancestors, or the Rexdom. The Rex did not bend the knee to anyone or anything. The Rex had no knowledge of the Return of Iblees, or the existence of it in the form of this tree. Only after the fact did he learn the mysterious knight he had conversed with using a new weapon against the Synod to was in fact a second form of the Horrid Deceiver.  I find it laughable that our Leader is being accused of conscious agreement with it. All of the descendants were fooled by Iblees save for Krug. To have his descendants face that same challenge requires the Rex to acknowledge his mistake, and he did. The malice given by Descendants whose own great Brothers fell for the very same trap and then abandoned Krug is yet another insult.

Many changes have rippled through the Ugz of Almaris with this announcement, not least of which are whispers of Wagh against Krugmar and a relaxation of efforts against those vile dragonkin known as the Azdrazi in some manner of sympathy for the death of a Dragon. Yes, the once respectable shara Karl the Gahk’th, leader of Haenseti-Ruska, has announced
“It is clear that those seeking to destroy our world are those supporting the worm, and those that supported the dragon perhaps may be potential allies.” Such statements are both laughably redundant and terribly hypocritical. Should one excuse the existence of a smaller yet just as vile evil when some other, larger issue arrives? Buurz’mojo is Buurz’mojo, agh the name of hated Azdromoth is just as cursed as Iblees. Our Rex’s mistake was borne out of unawareness, while this is a clear and conscious decision to seek the path of ease and manipulation instead of more honorable means.

At this point the lies of Celia’nor, and specifically generations of the Albai Ibarellan clan, must be raised forth as an example of the possible hypocrisy all Nub-Uruk nations could fall into. For in a situation much like this, Celia’nor at the lead of Ivarielle Ibarellan made outrageous demands of Krugmar on the basis of us harboring cursed Dragonspawn back during the final days of Oren.The Ugz at large believed such claims and Krugmar was, shamefully, forced to cede land as reparations for refusing to dishonor itself. The nations of Urguan and Haense joined in, publically decrying the existence of the Azdrazi threat and stating it as Article I of their Casus Belli in their joint declaration of Wagh during the year 82 SA. Even the church of Canon made announcements supporting the offensive against Krugmar, as in the writings of His Holiness the human zhomo-elder Tylos the Gahk’th he declares
“As the rightful flock of GOD, it is the duty of the Canonist forces of Almaris to purge the land of such foul beings who dare to taint the minds of the Descendants.” It should be noted during this time Krugmar made a pact with the nation of Oren to exterminate the very same Azdrazi mere cactus days later. 

 

Why does this old history matter now? Only after the Wagh was it discovered that such accusations by Celia’nor were not only politically motivated, but were examples of the very same actions taking place in their own city! In the words of the Haelunorian War council, “It is known across Elvendom that after the corrupt Valwynn council fled Elcihi’thilln, a shrine to the Arch-Drakaar was discovered in their Manor House — some who resided in the house amongst the council of Celia’nor, and others harboured in the city. It too is manifest that Ivarielle herself is a follower.”

All this shameful lying and making of excuses carries on to these modern days. A recently published and publicly circulated log of events written by one Vallein Vhyrmilhel details the current princess blocking a blow meant for a dragonspawn that was wishing to deceive others while in the middle of their palace ballroom. They do not merely tolerate the cursed beings, they welcome them to matters of state and defend them with their own flesh agh grizh! The death of an Olog brethren, one in the nations own employment at that, in this brave investigator’s defense is yet another mark of shame on Celia’nor.

Their so-called banishment of the Azdrazi by the twiggie city, the Buurz'mojo haven, has shown no results. It is empty Blah written upon fancy but flimsy parchment, made as a token reply to deflect blame like the buckler of a common bandit would a blade of justice. Even now Kor’garr and those of the Kaktuz Weekli will await for any… meaningful… Contribution to the growing preparations against the real enemies of this Ugz, the forces of Azdromoth, Iblees agh the Undead.

For now, readers and writers alike will wait to peep the coming developments. There are dark times ahead, being perpetuated by yet darker forces. There is no need to stab each other in the back for political gain while fighting for our very survival against Evil itself. 
Instead, all of us who live for Honor and Justice should take time to research the suspect Blah of those who would manipulate the innocent masses…


End Artikul


 




ORC KULTURE - Grog agh Grub

Prove Your Strength! Heart-eating and its Benefits. 

 

It is well known among the children of Krug that simply defeating a foe in battle is not the best of ways to show your own strength over a bested enemy. Instead, it is common for Orcs to obtain and eat the vital organs of adversaries who have proven especially worthy, as a way of absorbing their strength and climbing it as our own!

 

 One muscle of special importance where this is concerned is the heart of a slain enemy, representing their vitality in battle and the flow of their Grizsh (The Blah word for blood, which usually alludes to one of the three famous Orcish humors). In order to show true conquest and growth through the ferocity of battle, a freshly fallen enemy's heart will be carefully harvested with a special blade and then consumed at the site of victory raw and uncooked, to better preserve the echoes of lingering life and appease the spirits. A greater amount of the organ being consumed displays a greater victory over the foe and growth in strength, while being unable to stomach the chosen quantity of raw flesh will show clear signs of arrogance and weakness, not being able to withstand the power of a foe you have already bested.

In a less ceremonial sense the consumption of vital organs in a raw form helps young Uruks with their swift maturity and need for large amounts of fresh meat to bolster their quickly growing forms… And let’s not forget that hearts are wonderfully tasty, albeit more dense and gamey than other meats. Kor’garr recommends pairing raw heart with lighter and sweeter beverages such as Cactus Fruit Wine, in order to provide a better contrast between the fragrant aromas of fresh fruit and the metallic tang of a freshly slain foe. Also, against some foes the consumption of their raw and unpurified flesh is a distinctly poor idea, such as those tainted by Buurz’Mojo or the cursed taint of Iblees. The Kaktuz Weekli is nub responsible if you flat yourself from poor decision making.

 

 


 

ORC KULTURE - Spiritualism

The Spirit of Ublulhar!

 

With this being the first ever issue of the Kaktuz Weekli, now would be a great time to mention the spirit known as Ublulhar, patron of hope and new beginnings! A well known and welcomed entity to praise among Krug-kind, Ublulhar is known for supporting acts of creation and welcoming change towards a brighter future. His commonly represented form is that of a small entling, or living tree, bursting from the ground, symbolizing the growth of new life. Uruks tend to avoid the usual methods of sacrifice when worshiping this spirit, instead tending to the growth of young plants or animals as a way to show devotion to the optimism of Ublulhar’s concepts.

 

 



ORC KULTURE - Uruk uv da Week 
 

This is Uruk of the Week, a section where we highlight a member of our great Horde to talk with and ask them about themselves! With the lack of tik available for interviews, this particular issue is less of an interview and more of a self-introduction. So… Kor’garr Blahs “Ug”.

 

Kor’garr is a Clanless orc that was born in the year 1770 of the first age, being brought to Almaris as a child. I am an accomplished Blacksmith, Dinker of Grog, Diplomat, Friend of Musin, and have even been Rex of the Iron Horde in the past back when it was called the Wagh Nation of Krugmar. My favorite hobbies include beating up giant beasts and collecting bottles of fine alcohol to display in my tower. I am an orc of the Red Sand born under the constellation of Ghorza during Agongraz (or the Amber Cold for the Nub’Uruks)... Ah, and I have a distinctly glorious handlebar mustache. Aside from all that, I am now the owner of the Kaktuz Weekli, though it is more of a one-uruk show at the moment than anything else.


 



Q&A CORNER

Here is where Kor’garr or other members of the Kaktuz Weekli will respond to messages submitted by our readers! Feel free to Blah with Kor’garr or send a bird to San’Velku’s aviary with your questions or stories, and we will put them into the Paper! Since this is the azht issue, of course, there is nothing to respond to yet.

 

 


 

Ending Comments

Staff Notes: “More will be added in later issues! Rulg to the Writer’s Guild of Almaris for their support in this publication. Issues will always be released during the later half of the Amber Cold. Also please note we are hiring artists for photography, art, and formatting purposes. ”

 

P_bgUZse8fG5lIVf5vi5pIGMR-2C_HuyQ7usjsGxilPSBN0Cz6OgOoDdxLFxBj-izonu73XBs4MpYjoSa4bFQYUOevy3VgVC6v_RwOYp9aC8Fz5qkcdeB-2jW25jajtHGyb5_Uxg6qzd0HvV0ev7CFShuG4yix48md0qcDEfNuyI33H3biXrNQu5mNI9rg


(OOC References)

 


(OOC P.S.)

Spoiler

Here are the pings at those mentioned, and for anyone who wishes to subscribe in the replies for later issues! If you want to subscribe or send in a Q&A submission, please reply to this forum post or send a bird to Kor’garr through the aviary plugin. Thank you all so much for the support! @Wholesome_Thomas @Cloakedsphere   @PrettyCuteAnna @Carson @Turbo_Dog @Cepheid

 

Edited by Mannamannaa
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Jiangu'lak, avid supported of THE KAKTUZ WEEKLI, applauds the articles written before him. In his idle time he shares them with his best friend @Barbog.  

"
Peep diz zkah" He'd say to the goblin with a thumbs up.

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Ghoraza scrambles to grab multiple copies of the paper, seeking to spread the good word with the land, and those who seek to save it.

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A human Horsewarrior, mounted archer of some steppe tribe took to reading this notice. However his brow furrows when he sees the words of the king of haense. "Decadence... The land of the Settled Men... Their very Master has long been in line with that dragon cult. They hide the eyes of their beasts in their church so none may hide from their gaze, and their 'king' would willingly sacrifice their people to aid a dragon cult who's own sacred text tells them to lie to gentiles." He snarls, only confirmed every day that the masters of men have not their best interest at heart. He rides off to explain how the king of men has always been a draconic pawn. 

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The Old Grubgoth Kog'Dol Mag'Dun squinted at the paper, poking it a few times, before grunting, "Mi kennub reed.." He then scratched his noggin, before noticing what the paper truly was  "O, krug hazzuh pabur, fur noos? Zoggin' hozh.. Ja'runk, peep diz zkah!" he called to his olog friend. @Turbo_Dog

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"How ironic and hypocritical the other decendants must be to once declare war upon us for supporting the very same azdrazi that they now claim as allies themselves. Sad to see how the so-called righteous have fallen so far." The Rex spoke to himself within his own personal chamber whilst enjoying a large mug of grog as he read the paper.

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Isrith takes a handful of papers out of the stack in Celia'nor to bring them back to Nor'asath. 

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A certain Hobgoblin carefully reads each and every word, nodding in his head in approval "Yub, diz ahm hozh" he smirks "Mi ahm glad to peep Kor'Garr back in da goi"

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On 12/5/2022 at 6:41 PM, Vegan_Comedy said:

The Old Grubgoth Kog'Dol Mag'Dun squinted at the paper, poking it a few times, before grunting, "Mi kennub reed.." He then scratched his noggin, before noticing what the paper truly was  "O, krug hazzuh pabur, fur noos? Zoggin' hozh.. Ja'runk, peep diz zkah!" he called to his olog friend. @Turbo_Dog

The olog walked over with thundering footsteps and peered down at the paper with his uruk friend “Dah zkah iz diz papur? It iz nub aurt or grub.”

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[!] Throughout the lands of Almaris, all existing stacks and baskets for the Kaktuz weekli are restocked with an attached note scribbled in vibrant inks. The new papers smell heavily of mashed berries and jungle wood. [!]

 

A NEW ISSUE OF THE KAKTUZ WEEKLI HAS BEEN RELEASED!

 

 

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