Hiatus sorta explanation thing

[Neviah 977]

An Explanation

So, to start this off I want to say: this is not a hate post, not a rant post (okay maybe a little bit), I dunno just - nothing like that. I mean to offend absolutely nobody this is to be read in a lighthearted and wholly honest tone, apologies in advance if I somehow do.

Community Team

Now, Rose, what in the **** did you do to get removed from CT in less than a month? Absolutely nothing. I'm not sure if Hogo wants this to get out, but, CT is undergoing reforms - I've already said it publicly in friend broadcast, might as well say it here (Sorry Hogo). I'm really happy that reforms are going on, I think that it's great that changes that are needed will finally take place - and I think the plan Hogo has for it is a good plan. However, being removed has taken a bit of a toll on me mentally. Now, when I say this; it's not that it's on my mind 24/7 and I'm seething about being removed from the team, it's simply that whenever I look at LotC nowadays, it makes me physically feel like shit because I've lost all motivation to play the game. It's kind of like giving a toddler candy and immediately swiping it away from them just to see their hopes of enjoying something great crash and burn. That's just how I feel on the matter, I feel extremely lost.

I've thought about joining another team, those being MT and ET. The things that stopped me:

ET

• The hoard of applications to story
• Not being sure if I'd thrive there like I did with CT
• Not being sure if I'd truly like the job

MT

• Not being sure if they're accepting

And both having a similar reason of: no motivation. Either way, Hogo is a great guy - and one of my best friends, I hold absolutely nothing against him for doing his job. Simple as. 

Motivation

A huge problem that I keep running into with LOTC is that the main reason I'm playing is to create a narrative, this is not the case for most of the server. Everytime I turn around there is some person trying to be a protagonist or just playing to win - and there's nothing wrong with that, do whatever makes you happy, do whatever makes you have fun (except shady shit). In fact, one of the only times I played LotC for a narrative is when I was doing Karkosa events with AlmightySaucer. Huge props to that ST for making an intriguing and active eventline that I honestly had a lot of fun with - I craved those events, those were great. He's also one of the first people I've seen play to lose. Anyways, it's just that a lot of the server isn't really playing the way I am and that makes it hard for me personally to enjoy my roleplay. This is not something I want people to change and I'm not trying to be like grrr why in the **** are you playing this way and not that way, it's simply how I feel currently.

Conclusion

Basically, I'm going to be not-so-active on LotC. I'll log in sometimes, as I do have an active and new CA that I wish to keep. So maybe you'll see me roleplaying on there - but it won't be a lot until some newfound motivation suddenly keeps me hyperfixated on the server again. Thank you to everyone who has made an impact on me (which is a lot of people so I won't list names), it's been lovely being able to interact and have fun when I did. This isn't really a goodbye, just a 'see you soon'. I'll be around, just, not as much as I used to be.

If you need anything, please don't hesitate to reach out. Just because I'm not CT anymore, doesn't mean I will not help you. I want to. Also! If you wish to leave a comment, ask a few things, maybe debate with me on the silly 'play to win or play to make a narrative' argument - go ahead. Just, don't be a ****.
<3

[hemomancy 2839]

ly rose

[Lord_of_losers 950]

balls <3

 

[Jentos 6839]

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE 

 

Spoiler

Love u 

 

[DahStalker 2846]

Okay wife, I will get you two more deer pelt

[UnBaed 8943]

No harm in stepping away from the server, even if only a little bit while you still play other characters.  The server isn't meant to be a chore or a place for you to feel poorly about yourself, it's a place of enjoyment and intended to be a healthy outlet for creative energy, ect.  If you're ever feeling doubtful about yourself when deciding to join a staff team, just... don't.

 

I'm not saying don't apply for staff, I'm saying to not doubt yourself or feel like you can't apply just because others are.  The sun doesn't question its own position in the sky, or worry over its brightness compared to other stars, because we love its light and warmth either way for what it is.  You're guaranteed to not get welcomed onto a team if you never apply in the first place, and don't let a denial get you down because there's always the future.

 

I'll keep an eye out for you on the server, in the mean time!  Would be cool to RP with you :D [still need to give you that flute...]

[Pancho 2499]

We love you Rose, take your time and someday you might find the motivation to no life again. Until then, take a nice break

[rukio 8910]

I'm going to kill ur CA <3 

[satinkira 5860]

[Ibn Khaldun 7728]

If you'll permit me to make a couple of observations/give a few pieces of advice:

 

1. This observation is not directed at you, but an observation to make since you revealed reforms undergoing in a team. I think the rotating door of players joining/leaving teams and teams having to "reform" in order to find a sound balance of "getting shit done" and "promoting a relaxed culture" would be benefited by a team's membership being incredibly transparent and honest with themselves regarding the time, motivation, and skill they can dedicate towards said team. Whether a team is involved in some online enterprise like running a multiplayer server or offline enterprise like running a business, nonprofit, or other organization, there should be transparency from members composing the team about how much time, whether they will maintain motivation to keep up with tasks, and whether they have the skills requisite to fulfill the tasks.

 

I will use myself as an example so that I don't accidentally offend Player X. Currently, I still possess the skills in order to create narrative stories for other players' enjoyment (this is what should separate the Story Team from being a regular player, the former's stories ought to entertain and augment the many stories of the regular players while the latter is obviously engaged in creating stories interpersonally and), but with my current career - I simply do not have the time nor motivation (as any human has finite attention span and motivation) to fufill the tasks expected of the Story Team - ergo I left. I would encourage members of the various teams on the server to run that script of do I have the time? do I have the motivation? do I have the skills?

 

As a creative, I know firsthand the struggle that is the creative forces within the mind wanting to make X, Y, & Z narrative or story for others' enjoyment and consumption, but having self-discipline will mediate you away from burnout and/or frustrating oneself and/or entering situations where you don't hold your end of the bargain so to speak.

 

 

2. If anyone feels a physical sickness playing a game, it might be useful to take a step back and observe why. You specified "because I've lost all motivation" and thus I think you are making the right choice reducing your login time. A general observation that I dont believe applies in your particular case is that a number of players seem to "taskify" or "make chores of playtime" on the server and this appears to really stress others out and for good reason. When I returned a little under a year ago, I made it very clear in the niche group that I helped form that we were not going to have expectations on "the amount of time you log in". I do believe the current iteration of settlement/nation regions being based on time spent logged in does promote this "taskification" that I mentioned above and I hope the current staff responsible for that region system might reconsider the current system.

[Neviah 977]

2 hours ago, Ibn Khaldun said:

Snip

An extremely well-made speech as per usual, Lango. You put a lot of my thoughts into words exactly how I would’ve wished to do so, I was like crying as I wrote this post so it wasn’t entirely as good as I wanted it to be. I’m glad you’re one of the few that I know who recognize the taskification of gaming that happens a lot more than it should - and that you shared it here. 

 

Lots of love to you mate <3