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Heartland Folkball League - Championships XIV


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Spoiler

 

IT'S FOLKBALL FRIDAY!!!!!!!!

 

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Heartland Folkball League

Championships XIV

 

1912 Heartland Folkball League on the Cliff-Fields of Hohengarten

 

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Brought to you by The Miller’s Mark,

Good for whatever ales you!

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The Suns Set Over the Mountains & the Goats Take Petra!

Barrowton Bannermen join the HFL!

 

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In a blur of confusion and anger, the Petran Suns, after years of neglect following the devastating Cuck’s War, departed from the riverlands. The sole remaining player of the Petran Suns, Shielder Craig Gregerson, announced he intended to join the Barrowton Bannermen. The Bannermen were a local team, but now coached by Gregerson, they intend to take the HFL by storm.

 

Although disliked by other minor league teams, their entry shows that, in time, the sport may very well entertain more crews and even spread the Heartland sport westward. Who knows, by the time this author is forty and near the end of his life, we may even see elvenfolk passing around the folkball! That would be a sight?!

 

However, Petran peasants did not sulk for long, as the Sedan Goats moved with their Prince months later. The once proud lands of Sedan now were squaller. In the slightly less squallered lands along the Petra, the Goats adopted a new shield and new players, firing much of the dead weight they had held onto since their move from Florentine in 1909. Now, longstead coach Filippo Jacoson intends to use footwork and speed to defeat the passing games employed by many teams.

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The Minitz Folkball Riot of 1911

Minitz Under New Management!

 

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After the appearance of the Mootgoer’s owners, a bunch of Kralto-Malinorian outlanders, violence erupted in Minitz. With a loss to the Balianite Stars in the first round, the emotions of another loss enraged fans. Despite the vows of Coach Franz Bauerbecken to score at least once per game, the lack of any championship appearance in over four years led to the cataclysmic team revolt of 1911.

 

The Kralto-Malinorian owners were brought to the city in chains, surrounded by notable figures such as Reinhart Wilhelm and Halfbert Pocke, who remained loyal to the people during the riots. All four Malinorians were defenestrated multiple times, hanged, drawn, and quartered by the vicious frenzied sea of those wearing green, blue, and yellow. Their chippies, which raked in vast sums of coin after each loss, were burnt to the ground.

 

Coach Bauerbecken was spared this misery and banished from Minitz and the sport of Folkball under the penalty of death. Some say he wandered west to the lands of the elvenfolk. Some say he ended up in Karosgrad with a team of crows, preparing for his comeback. However, I heard from my fifth cousin that he worked with Iblees to build a team of grumpkins and devils! Best beware of those!

 

Collectively, the Mootgoers underwent drastic changes in their leadership. Ownership was proclaimed to be shared among each Reinmarian tribesman of Minitz. Never again would outlanders run a team of Heartlanders in Minitz! Gebhard von Minitz was declared the new coach, and Stam Urher replaced Angela Ziegler at the net. Likewise, a young player from the fields was brought up named Gottfried Biermann. He is positioned to take over as half from von Volburg upon his retirement in 1915.

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1912 Bracket

 

1912 was a year to remember! The Suns disbanded, the Bannermen took their place, the Sedan Goats went to Petra with their pauper Prince, and the Mootgoers were essentially a new team after their riots. High above the homelands, the Heartland Folkball League (HFL) hosted its first game on the mountainsides near Hohengarten, the old Azor manor. Fans from across the Heartlands and beyond flocked to the fields, and only a few were drunk enough to walk off the cliffs into the valleys below.

 

So to our leal readers, we come to you in this handbill to recount the glorious Thirteenth Championship Tournament of Folkball, the sport of the Heartlands! After last year’s double ban against the Upstreeters’ Greg Miller and Thoric Bloodshield, there is a considerable gap in Vienne’s lineup and strategy. Without Miller, how will they go on?!

 

Yet, as always, lots were drawn and matches set. And then the play began the next morn.

 

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Game 1

Atrus Stars

vs

New Vienne Upstreeters

 

With the loss of their giant and coach after last year’s championship, the New Vienne Upstreeters were only left with the magnificent arm of Charles ‘the Fish’ Fisherman. However, he was nowhere to be seen. In fact, the entire Upstreeter team was absent from the tournament. Perhaps it was in rejection of the ban of Miller or Bloodshield? Maybe it was a necessary break so they could recuperate from such a loss. Whatever the reason, the officials did not care.

 

After a few hours of waiting, the Stars were awarded a win as a folkball was symbolically tossed over the net to grant them a half point. Atrus’ coach, Kaream Jabar, commented that it was a “deplorable showing from New Vienne to be this cowardly.” He was supported by the boos from the few Upstreeters fans.

 

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Game 2

Barrowton Bannermen

vs

Adrian Black Barons

 

As tensions increased between the two towns off the pitch, they certainly erupted on the pitch. Craig Gregerson led a team of minor players onto the field, but they looked as if they were veterans of the HFL. From the first bell, any onlooker could tell this would not be an easy win, as the Barons had expected. Barrowton’s strongman and shielder, Horace ‘Dusty’ Foreman, had Hugh Heffher in a headlock multiple times through the game and was even seen putting fingers up Heffher’s nose. However, officials claim this did not happen.

 

Nevertheless, you do not win games based off of shieldwork. You win it on the net and pass work. Barrowton’s halfs were a sight as neither seemed to realize the game’s purpose. Everett ‘Bad Mouth’ Tillman spent the entire game cursing and using insults to distract Barons’ Heinrik Franzoc. However, the Right Honorable Sir Cornelieus Llewellyn Fortescue Smyth XII, the second half of Barrowton, was defenseless against Velec star: Leo Pold. To the adornment of his shouting women-fans on the sidelines, Pold scored three points by the end of the game and flexed his impressive muscles.

 

Meanwhile, Smyth was seen haplessly moving about in his full plate armor, unable to see the quick movements from the thin slit in his helmet’s front. He was, if anything, an obstacle to movement moreso than a player. Despite this, Smyth is a descendant of the Bannermen’s founder and, in fact, owns the team. His removal is unlikely as a result.

 

The only bright side beside Dusty’s shieldwork was the Bannermen’s Louis ‘Lasso’ Longburkes. With three half points being the Bannermen’s only result, Longburkes has established himself as one of the best netters to play. Their development as a player will be considerably judged.

 

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Game 3

Minitz Mootgoers

vs

Bywater Hedgehogs

 

Under the direction of Gebhard von Minitz, a former player for the Mootgoers, Minitz was primed to surge this year. The metaphorical and literal fat had been cut from the team’s roster. On the other hand, Bywater remains complicit with being invited every year. However, you cannot say the fans of Minitz had the same reaction. They started at least seven brawls during the ongoings of the match, claiming the half-shits had started it by being so short. On the other hand, the halflings claim the Minitzers kept trying to rest tankards on their head and calling them “the perfect little beer rests!”

 

From the opening bell, the Mootgoers were a different team. Halfbert Pocke took to running the folkball throughout the game and skirted around the desperate Devilish Duo, Bywater’s Richard Longstride and Tegan Smoothhands. The only salvation the halflings had came in the disoriented but practical net work of Jerry Applebuck. His buckethelm knocked fifteen attempts away from the goal and set a record for the most blocks in HFL history.

 

However, the Devilish Duo could not get started. Reinhart Wilhelm smothered them with his shield and was seen running through them with such force that Smoothands retreated from the field in the game’s last minutes to seek medical attention. Nonetheless, the game ended, and the fans of Minitz saw a glint of hope for the first time since their team began in 1908.

 

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Game 4

Grenz Hurlers

vs

Petran Goats

 

The beleaguered Goats of Sedan managed to find refuge in the recently abandoned fields of Petra. While it saved them from relegation or disbandment, the fields of Petra were already dried of talent and life far before their arrival. Meanwhile, the Grenz Hurlers are still actively measuring a potential flight to the north, where Karosgrad beckons for a team.

 

As the officials rang the bell, the teams took off for the folkball. Louis du Ballon masterfully passed the ball around on the ground, using the unconventional footwork he is known for. Jean-Luke Bicard of the Goats was quick to pick up anything Ballon passed him, which drew screeches from coach Filippo Jacoson who told Bicard to “leave the fottuta ball on the ground, you idiota!”

 

This confusion in strategy led to the Hurlers slipping by with two nets that won the game. Although Heinrik Rarehird had not returned from his injury sustained against, now banned, Sedanite Roberto il Toro, the team was still in capable hands with halfs Seth Hairytooth and Willem Steav maintaining their scoring capabilities. However, will the Hurlers ever have a chance at the championship cup without Rarehird? How many more tournaments will the legend sit out for?

 

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Semi-Finals 1

Atrus Stars

vs

Adrian Black Barons

 

These two teams played each other twice, once in 1908 and once in 1910. Since then, they have changed very little. Both times, the Barons managed to win against the Stars, but will this year bode the same for the southern exiles? The Bianc Cavaliere started the match by lifting Leo Pold into the air and out of the fenced pitch. Although Pold tried to return, officials informed him that once a folkballer leaves the enclosure, they are barred from returning.

 

However, the women-fans of Pold were not so forgiving. Within minutes they had marched onto the field and began to remove the armor of the Balianite Cavaliere, some even attempting to scratch his eyes out. Despite this, order was restored, and the Cavaliere was back in the match, although notably missing all of his white armor. Hugh Heffher took advantage of the fact and began to bully the knight into corners where he would lean on him with his shield. Meanwhile, Baron’s half, Heinrik Franzoc, with assistance from netter Alec Ratiborison, scored Adria’s sole goal.

 

By the end of the second half, the Stars were down one point, and it was only with the exceptional juking of Alfredo Canto that they squeaked past Ratiborison and scored not one but two nets. Canto, right at the end of the match to clinch victory from a draw and overtime, used Heffher’s shield to launch himself in the air towards the net and throw himself and the ball entirely in. With that miraculous feat, the Barons were knocked out of the championship match for the first time in two years! Better luck next time, Velecians!

 

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Semi-Finals 2

Minitz Mootgoers

vs

Grenz Hurlers

 

The third day's evening match was to pit the Minitz Mootgoers against the Grenz Hurlers. After the second day's victory over the halflings, the Minitzer turned out in force. An endless expanse of green and blue filled the sidelines, so much that many Hurlers fans had to climb the cliffs above the field to see their team play.

 

The old blocking strategies the Mootgoers were known for must have gone out of the window because they took to pressing the Hurlers from the moment the first bell rang. Reinhart Wilhelm was seen swinging his shield like a hammer, making considerable space for Halfbert Pocke to pop shot after shot on the net. Although not all of them found their home, thanks to the net work of Alec Ratiborison, four were correctly delivered on target. This put Minitz in an impressive lead that the Hurlers could not catch.

 

Although Seth Hairytooth managed to score a single net against the Mootgoers by the final bell, that was all the Grenzers could come up with. They retreated off the field and almost immediately were seen heading on wagons for Karosgrad. Coach Friedrich Meier refused to comment on the move's significance, but Gebhard von Minitz had a few words for the crowds after the win. He proclaimed from the middle of the pitch, "we beat them so hard they are gonna turn into crows! This year is our year!" It was met with the volatile cheers of Minitz's fans. All that was left was to secure the final victory.

 

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Championships

Atrus Stars

vs

Minitz Mootgoers

 

The morning matchup between the Atrus Stars and the Minitz Mootgoers signified the first time Minitz had been to the championships and the second time for Stars, who only appeared in their unsuccessful bid against the Bywater Hedgehogs in the odd year of 1909. The crisp, thin air of the Arentanian mountains carried the sound of Balianite priests singing hymns throughout the previous night and the breaking of the fast. The Minizters answered with the catchy Reinmarian tune, “Leon Barclay is Still Alive.” Officials attempted to stop the singing so others could sleep but were shouted down and tied up to trees on the cliffsides in several cases.

 

By noon, the teams had met on the field and warmed their arms with practice. With little warning, the officials mistakenly rang the bell, and the teams jumped on the gaffe to start the match. The pitch quickly turned into a brawl that included even the netters. Reinhart Wilhelm emerged with the ball from the initial pile and swung his shield to bat away opponents. He attempted to net the ball from the middle of the field, but with a tink off the top rail, it soared over. With that, the Stars took the lead with a half point.

 

Play continued until the Bianc Cavaliere made an off-kilter shot that he later blamed on his bent breastplate impeding his throwing arm. Minitz’s netter, Conrad Drerad, managed to perfectly deflect the charged shot over the net to tie the game with a half point each. The Cavaliere later called out Adria’s Leo Pold for this failure and challenged him to a duel. Pold sent back a letter filled with human excrement and a rose with all its petals removed. The significance, we have no idea. Was it funny, though? Absolutely! A very Adrian affair!

 

As the game approached the final bell, it was tied, a half to a half. An unusual third round would need to be instituted. However, just as the officials began to prepare for overtime play, there was a sudden push by Gither von Volburg, the old man of Minitz. Despite being 58, which is an archaic amount of years for a peasant, he picked up a dropped folkball by Stars’ shielder Alekos Georgopoulos. He rushed forward at speed unknown to other elders. However, the Atrusian netters Rafail Moor and Tahir Omer stood before him. He paused and then fell to the ground gripping his chest.

 

Moor and Omer rushed forward to check on the grey-haired man, a legend of folkball in his own time. And then he looked at them both, crouched over him, with clear eyes and a wide smile. For behind them, Minitz’s star half, Halfbert Pocke, picked up the slowly rolling ball and chucked it into the net.

 

With that, the bell rang, and Minitzers rushed the field. Von Volburg danced in front of the two bewildered southerners and was lifted high into the air and praised as a hero and a masterful trickster. Even now, my nephews call feigning injury to gain an advantage “pulling a Volburg.”

 

As the fans carried Volburg off to the victory tents, he was awarded the cup of the Most Valuable Folk. He is said to have drank from it all night and into the morning, where he wandered home to Minitz. However, the HFL is sad to announce that von Volburg died several weeks later from his old age, found surrounded by women, wine, and the championship cup of the league.

 

So, as the bittersweet ending of one of Folkball’s least likely heroes, a man who played back when Philip III was still about, this handbill closes. The Minizters got their win, but the Upstreeter’s absence creates more questions than it provides answers. Will they be back next year? What tomfoolery will be about? But yet we will wait until next year, dearest readers and Folkball enthusiasts. Until next year!

 

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Congratulations to the Winners!

of the

Heartland Folkball League Championships XIV

 

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THE MINITZ MOOTGOERS!

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List of Champions

 

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1899 ……… Petran Suns

1900 ……… New Vienne Upstreeters

1901 ……… Florentine Bulls

1902 ……… Florentine Bulls

1903 ……… Florentine Bulls

1904 ……… Grenz Hurlers

1905 ……… Petran Suns

1906 ……… New Vienne Upstreeters

1907 ……… New Vienne Upstreeters

1908 ……… Grenz Hurlers

1909 ……… Bywater Hedgehogs

1910 ……… New Vienne Upstreeters

1911 ……… New Vienne Upstreeters

1912 ……… Minitz Mootgoers (This Year)

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List of Most Valuable Folk

 

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1908 (Joint MVF)……… Heinrik Rarehird (Grenz Hurlers)

1908 (Joint MVF)……… Charles Fisherman (New Vienne Upstreeters)

1909 …………………… Jerry Applebuck (Bywater Hedgehogs)

1910 …………………… Charles Fisherman (New Vienne Upstreeters)

1911 …………………… Charles Fisherman (New Vienne Upstreeters)

1912 …………………… Gither von Volburg (Minitz Mootgoers)

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Rest in Peace

 

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Gither von Volburg

1854-1912

 

Gither von Volburg started playing Folkball in 1861 at the age of seven. He was not particularly adept with running, passing, shielding, or netting. However, he was known as a man who could trick his way into any net or bed, for a matter of fact. Although once a loyal imperial, he was wounded fighting for Frederick I in 1870 by remnants in the Grenz. He lost four fingers on his left hand and most assumed any chance he had at being a successful folkballer was lost.

 

However, von Volburg never gave up and was instrumental in the rise of the Minitz Mootgoers into the Heartland Football League in 1908 when he was four and fifty years of age. Although often forgotten behind notable Mootgoer half Halfbert Pocke, his crowning achievement was his deception against Balianite netters in the 1912 championship that allowed Pocke to score the winning goal. He died shortly after, surrounded by the things he loved: women, wine, and the folkball championship cup.

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Details on Team Changes

 

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The Petran Goats

 

The Petran Goats were originally the Florentine Bulls, founded in 1878. After suffering from the decaying state of the town and facilities in Florentine, coach Filippo Jacoson moved the team and what players he could bring along to Sedan in 1909. Although a hastily made plan, the team has the backing of the Prince and his coffers. However, the support was minimized as the lands of Sedan faded, and many peasants left to find better fields. The Prince eventually moved his court to Petra in 1912, and the Goats combined their shield with the Petran Suns, whose sole remaining player had moved in 1911 to Barrowton. The team is known for its unusual fixation on footwork and not passing or scoring with the ball through their hands.

 

ROSTER:

 

Shielder - Robert il Niro

Halfback - Louis du Ballon

Halfback - Jean-Luke Bicard

Netkeeper - Alnaurd Michaelson

Netkeeper - Pierre Escargot

 

Coach - Filippo Jacoson

 

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The Barrowton Bannermen

 

The Barrowton Bannermen were originally a local folkball team named the Barrowland Bowman, founded by Sir Cornelieus Llewellyn Fortescue Smyth X in 1902. They remained a local team until late-1911 when the sole remaining player of the Petran Suns, Craig Gregerson, became their coach and negotiated their rise to the HFL. Although the newest addition to the league, the Bannerman show promise in their unusual use of concealed props and tools, including lassos and something they refer to as “shoe-lances.”

 

ROSTER:

 

Shielder - Horace 'Dusty' Foreman

Halfback - The Right Honorable Sir Cornelieus Llewellyn Fortescue Smyth XII

Halfback - Everett 'Bad Mouth' Tillman

Netkeeper - Adam Henson

Netkeeper - Louis 'Lasso' Longburkes

Bench - Sir Gent

Bench - Edward Byers

Bench - Andrew Andrewson

 

Coach - Craig Gregerson

 

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The Minitz Mootgoers

 

The last of the 1908 expansion teams, the Minitz Mootgoers, were founded after the fourth Leonite Moot by the Reinmaren tribes, with their interests piqued by the 1907 Minitz-based tournament. Although many initially favored calling the team the Minitz Boars, some believed it too similar to the now-defunct Helena Hogs. The Barclay’s team underwent substantial changes in 1911 following the Minitz Folkball Riot. A new coach was installed, the roster adapted, strategies modified, and ownership was conferred to all legal Reinmarian tribesmen of Minitz.

 

ROSTER:

 

Shielder - Reinhart Wilhelm

Halfback - Gottfried Biermann

Halfback - Halfbert Pocke

Netkeeper - Conrad Drerad

Netkeeper - Stam Urher

Bench - Angela Ziegler

Bench - Pul Memstein

Bench - Vein Stecksnyder

 

Coach - Gebhard von Minitz

 

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As the game began, Minitzers started to pile onto the pitch, some bringing kegs, others large pitchers of beer. They distributed it around the tribesmen, and watched with great anticipation as the Halfling team started to rock into the field. The evening was dark, and lit by many torches as Brandt stood in the stands. Great chants erupted that day from all the Reinmaren watching, with high hope of success after the changes in this year's roster.

 

"We'll play in the dark, we'll play in the dark! We are the Mootgoers, we will play in the dark!"

 

"The Elephant man, the elephant man! Gebhard von Minitz, the Elephant man!"

 

As the Mootgoers on the field were steadily beating the Bywater Hedgehogs, Brandt downs a pint of his beer, and looks towards his father next to him, wildly cheering with Leon. @GoodGuyMatt

 

As the Bywater team left the field after their loss, the Reinmaren men started to laugh, whipped up into a frenzy after their fresh victory. Many would taunt those Bywater fans, who were leaving the stands early.

 

"Is there a fire drill? Is there a fire drill? Is there a fire drill? Is there a fire drill??"

 

After the game with Balian, Brandt Barclay, the Duke of Minitz rips open his shirt as he wildly cheers for the Mootgoer victory, throwing a customary pint towards the nearest Balianite fan again! @Shmeepicus He grabs the nearest Minitzers, Cisyn Grima @TMET and Markward Orino @Orinoby the shoulders, and they start jumping up and down, to commemorate Von Volburg! They start chanting;

 

"Volburg is on fire! Your defence is terrified! Volburg is on fire! Your defence is terrified, Volburg is on fire!"

The field of the pitch is then filled with the cheers of Minitzers and Reinnmaren, who were enflamed with such a passion, that they took off their shirts and started to swing it in circles above their head. By the end of the day, nearly all Minitzers had drank from the cup of victory, and they return home happily.

 

"IT FINALLY CAME HOME! IT ******* CAME HOME!" Brandt yells towards anyone who would listen. He had made good memories that day, placing the Folkball cup in a stand of High Honour in the Moot hall!

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Joseph Fauria Detroit Lions GIF - Joseph Fauria Detroit Lions Twerking GIFs

 

Odoacer hal'Cingedoz busts out his finest celebration in the Folkball endzone as a member of the Mootgoers.

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Manfred Barclay is happy to hear of the Mootgoers' victory, watching the Duke of Minitz, Brandt, run around the place with the victory cup singing songs to celebrate the victory. Folkball was truly glorious.

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Ludwig Barclay is happy to hear of the Mootgoers victory. Proud of his family and friends.

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Georg considers purchasing a majority stake in the Grenz Hurlers so he can make investments to return them to the top.

 

Spoiler

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"They let a woman on the team! How feminist of them..." Amelia sarcastically replied to herself, not really aware of what Folkball was.

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Carles Galbraith riots in the streets of Minitz screaming "UP THE STARS! FECK THE MOOTGOERS!"

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"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Yvian exclaimed upon hearing the news from Carles, then snickering "Suck it!" @Greener

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