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[NEWS] 【✧ KAKTUZ WEEKLI ISSUE V ✧】


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Bundles of newspapers would be spread throughout Almaris for all to see. While written cleanly and vividly upon dense sheets of high quality parchment, the pages of blocky script would also be covered in scribbled cute doodles! Including the wonderful BRAND! The floral berry smell of jungle inks wafts pleasantly from each heavy page. This must be...

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Vol. H' (V)                                 Year Azh’Kint’Dubty’Azh (CXXIII) (223)                            Second Age

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: The Kaktuz Weekli must inform our audience that these articles are relatively dated. An addendum piece (V.II) shall be released shortly with updates considering recent major events such as the Dawnhold Defense.
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CrappyJoe FONT Trial version

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Everyone has heard of the new threat upon the western lands. Even now there are honorable people of Wagh preparing to defend the Wood Albai from this new terror. And yet some of the details were missed. So let Kor’garr explain the Horde’s encounter with this new foe azhthand, since I was there myself. It began with a rally of the Krug-Hai in San’Velku by the Rex, for we accepted a plea from Amaethea to investigate the caverns below. Lanterns, ropes, arrows, medical kits… an expedition force of nearly dubty (20) attended to purge the caves of influence from the Mori, accursed spider worshippers. Almost immediately we were given ill omens alongside blessings. A chunk of strange starmetal was obtained through Kor’garr’s hand and those of Obok Metaldrinkz with Alviss of Nor'Asath, yet a strange and billowing heat consistently rose from the depths…

It was an ambush of cowardice, fake walls agh traps revealing swarms of bile spewing arachnids and their Mori tamers. Smashing through caused some cave ins and injury to one of the brave Duhr brothers, resulting in a disconnect between vanguard and those trailing in support.
Kor’garr, Alviss agh Ghoraza swiftly tore apart those flanking cave spiders, yet one honorary formerly named Luthriel was responsible for minor friendly fire. The vanguard recovered, the cave in was cleared, agh we moved on unaware of what lied ahead.

Azh by Azh we descended, heat growing stronger and sweat dripping from Nuburuk faces with ferocity… Then suddenly a light was seen ahead. A rumble that shook surrounding stone, an orb of amber agh pride that filled the entirety of the tunnel around us… and a Voice.
“WHAT MANNER OF CREATURE COMES TO BE DEVOURED?”
Nub’uruks began to panic, agh the Dominus Madoc’Lur was resolute in warning our troops away from foolishness. The massive being spoke through ash and brimstone, of eternal hunger and a desire for ruin. The uruk cub known as Forgot, having called the being a Titan, quickly roused it’s ire. Others rambled with ill thought words, mistakenly insulting the draconic visage that could with a mere breath send all gathered to Kor’s embrace. And then…

“BRING ME… THE INSULTING… INFANT TO FEAST…IF NOT, DEATH… UPON ALL.” Silence followed after the announcement, surely a solemn gravity would weigh upon most faced with this decision… Yet the Iron Horde was undeterred. Rex Ar-Borok agh Dominus Madoc’Lur called the Forgot forwards. “Rejoice forgotten kub. Cleansed by flames lat will be. The spirits watch upon lats death to come.” Calls of glory and sacrifice followed, offering praise to Forgot as he drew upon his spear and prepared to charge.

As Mau’Kor, one who records the lives and deaths of those in the Stargush,
Kor’garr will say this. Forgot did not walk meekly into the jaws of the beast. The young form of his red body, clad in armor, ran full sprint with savage pride in his eyes. We cheered for him, the one valiantly entering battle impossible to win in Honor and Sacrifice for his brethren. A roar of rage, challenge given to the mad beast, rang throughout the caverns above even past his being rent apart by massive fangs and a putrid grasping tongue. “FLAT WITH GLORY, FLAT WITH HONOR!” Praise to FORGOT, wayward cub of sacrifice, one blessed with the virtues of Dazkur in defense of others. May his soul enter the Gates of Kor to join the ancestors with pride.

The horrid beast asked what we sought after the sacrifice, and wisely our Rex asked for information upon the Dragon’s goals.
Ghoraza the Witless also spoke up in a strange tongue unknown to us, yet obviously of interest to it. The response was simple. Eternal sustenance and eternal praise. Luthriel once more nearly caused the death of allies, asking such a prideful being whether it would feast upon common cattle. Others bargained, as if this being was a mere shopkeeper with offers of deals, until it silenced us all with a single word. Thankfully the Rex and Dominus were able to divert the dragon’s attention away from such insults… only to be presented with the being’s offer: knowledge and wisdom to those that would provide meals of the Wood Albai above. This revelation of course caused yet more unease until the being lost patience with our silent refusal. It gave a command to raise banners in fealty, not bothering to accept an answer before with a single motion thousands of tons of rock and cavern were shorn through like butter! The beast was not freed, as it was never trapped in the first place. A simple decision to depart northwards was all it took for a small mountain’s worth of rubble to burst from beneath Amaethea.

Rapidly, the party moved to leave the crumbling caverns, rumbles and tremors causing unstable footfalls. Only barely did we escape before the caves collapsed behind us all, still in shock over the titanic forms. Yet all was not resolved.
VLOS flew overhead, three heads blahhyng in unison with a roar of his name as he departed north. The Rex advocated for meeting with Amaethea urgently to explain what had occurred after a regrouping in San’Velku to attend to the wounded, and thus most left with him. Kor’garr stayed behind for some discussion with the dwed on the metal found, when a complication arose. Luthriel had not departed with the Rex, and mere minutes passed before she arrived with The Third prince of Amaethea Kosher Daesmon to investigate the already collapsed caverns themselves. A small conversation was had before all members departed. And that was the end of the expedition, if not the political controversy to spread as a result…

Less than a day later the gates of San’Velku were host to a raucous display of accusations against the Rex and the Iron Horde. The one known as
En’Ara Iron’heartz had gone to Jarad Munnel and “reported” that our people were willingly allying with Vlos, bending the knee and publically pledging to sacrifice the entire Wood Albai city. These were of course falsehoods of the highest magnitude, yet this Prince believed the untested word of a random citizen who had been absent from Horde land for years to instead demand recompense and explanation over offenses we had not even done. Politics are boring, so Kor’garr will cut it short: it was a lot of arguing in Nor’Asath before tension was settled, and threats of Celia’nors “intervention” were brought up in an attempt to strongarm the Rex. If popularly demanded Kor’garr might release a detailed report next issue.

Once again the Horde and Krug’s people were slandered. To those who would claim (again) that we have bent the knee to dark forces and wish to slaughter fellow descendants in obedience to this dragon: Your tongue is touched by Iblees with such lies agh lat accomplishes nubthing. An announcement was released by the Holy Inquisition, penned by one
Ser Phillip “the Righteous” in which he says:
Krugmar was instrumental in unleashing this dragon, and that the Rex of the Iron Horde attempted to offer the dragon sacrifices shortly before it was unleashed… Furthermore, we condemn Rex Borok’s attempt to pacify such a violent and volatile creature through unsavory means, such as sacrifice, although this is consistent with his alleged previous behavior.”
He then goes on to Blah of Canonism and insult the Rex more. Kor’garr waits to peep if such claims will be withdrawn after our singular victory defending the Dawnhold when others fled. The Crusaders are hozh protectors, agh there is no need for inward hostilities.

To
En’Ara Iron’heartz, Slanderer of the West; lat has been wytewashed by the Dominus Madoc’Lur with Skriptgoth Kor’garr as witness. The actions of deceit and false accusations show not only dishonor agh lack of loyalty, but the weakness of succumbing to fear instead of remaining strong. Your words tarnished the Horde agh caused a mess nearly resulting in needless Wagh between descendants: as such your name will be tarnished by those same words.

To the honorary formerly known as
Luthriel: while your actions were certainly suspect, nub proof of dishonor or slander has been shown. Kor’garr recommends taking more caution with coincidences in the future.

The
Rex made an announcement of his own to prepare for Wagh against the Dragon, reaffirming our pledges to the Atrus Covenant and against all burz beings that seek to harm the Innocent agh Honorable. The Kaktuz Weekli will release more articles as this situation develops.

 

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CrappyJoe FONT Trial version

Some cactus weeks ago The Commonwealth of Petra entered an age of civil unrest, as accusations towards both the Archduchess Renilde I agh Archduke Constanz divided the ruling family agh citizens of Petra. 

 

First of the accusations presented were towards Archduchess Renilde I, who had inherited the throne as the eldest kub of Archduke Paul Salvian. Both an unknown citizen of Petra agh her eldest son, Albert Salvian, accused her of betraying Petra agh of sleeping with the Prince of Haense outside of marriage. With the help of Haense, she apparently planned to rise against Petra, whatever that would have meant at the moment.

 

Albert Salvian also informed Renilde I had left the nation. Despite all this, he still had hope for his mother, asking her to return agh repent for what she had done.

 

In response Archduchess Renilde I released a statement regarding Archduke Constanz, who had gained his title agh responsibilities through a marriage with her. She accused him of exceeding his rights of command that they had set in their marriage, taking actions against the Canonist Church, neglecting the duties set out for him, attempting to erode Petra’s ways to cement himself as the sole ruler, agh of treason in attempting to usurp her. Most personal accusations were made towards his faithfulness in their marriage though, as it's believed he had had extramarital relationships with women during his travels to parts unknown, possibly even faltering kubs with azh or more of them. 

 

Based on these claims, Archduchess dismissed Archduke Constanz from the court and exiled him from the lands of Petra.

To solve this conflict, the Knight Council called Renilde I to face these accusations in a trial. It was promised to her that no harm would come her way during it. Once it came time for the trial, this promise was kept. No harm came upon Renilde, but instead it came upon those who had come to witness the event. Ferrymen hired by Renilde entered Castle Moere, attacking those present. Some were taken as prisoners, while others, including children were killed. It was recorded that the ferrymen had Azdrazi fighting alongside them, burning people to crisp with their fiery breath.

This goes to be more of my own opinion, but mi do have to note that the witness testimonies mi read are horrifying, agh as a reminder, this is coming from an orc who has seen wagh, flat agh decay. Mi would recommend reading the missive Elowyn of Petra wrote to her mother fully as it gives a way better view into those feelings than what mi can write, though here are some quotes from it.

 

I am a Canonist child, a child. I have seen bloodshed and I have seen corpses in front of me. Even corpses of people MY age. Ma, how can you stand with those people and leave me, leave your children, leave your legacy to perish at the hands of those mercenaries you hire.
 

 

I heard the screams of my fellow community members… I never knew how awful death sounded like. The screams, I can never forget them Ma.
 


[!] A Copy of the full missive has been attached here as an extra page. [!]

  

Few cactus days later, Renilde’s forces released a statement; there would be a proper battle between the two sides. In the same missive, the Sons of Petra were dissolved and a new army called The Petrine Regiment was to take its place.

 

The battle between the two forces occurred near Valfleur and ended in the favor of Archduchess Renilde I. Following this civil wagh some houses have reaffirmed their loyalty to Renilde I, agh Commonwealth of Petra has withdrawn its signature from previously written demands towards the Canonist Church.

[Written by Kretz’Ox]

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CrappyJoe FONT Trial version

Every so often there comes an article where Kor’garr must put the Truth of journalistic integrity before telling the story which is convenient or even his personal opinions. This is one of those stories, the tale of an imperfect friend’s death. Agis Penweather was a complex being. A member of the Bronze Band of Sulianopoli, vassal of the Iron Horde and a fervent shaman of Scorthuz, the spirit of Purity. Over many years he had shown his faith in the spirits, having been gifted the opportunity of learning shamanism without partaking in the usual trials to become an Honorary of the Horde. This would lead to many issues later on.

Unfortunately, the bronze albai was brash and fervent in his worship to the point of arrogance. Agiz regularly butted heads with more experienced shamans, including one Ar-Borok’Akaal, over different philosophies on how to interact with the spirits. Even when the Akaal ascended as Blood Rex, these tensions would continue and unfortunately given the lack of Honorary status he was seen to be overstepping as a lesser.

The peak of this occurred when Agis cosigned a document called To end the Burz Rex, which accused Ar-Borok of burz-spawn affiliation, general tyrannical actions,  and demanded his resignation as Rex within a single cactus day. Even as the following meeting turned out to resolve the feud between Rex and the former Motsham Al-Uk, Agis insisted upon justice. His arm was voluntarily broken and the Bronze albai passed out as some kind of penance for his actions.

 In the later weeks Agis would continue to loudly decry the Rex’s actions, comparing him to dark shamans of the past and proceeding to raise hostilities within Horde lands multiple times. Yet again, these accusations from one who was not even Honorary and did not step up in formal challenge or Honor Klomp were widely regarded as insults. This all would reach the breaking point upon repeated altercations with the hot-headed and volatile orc kub known as Forgot. After multiple occasions of near blows, Agis finally had enough. The bronze elf announced to both the cub and the Rex that he would depart from the Horde and teach others the ways of Scorthuz, then using his magic to defend himself from Forgot’s attack of bloodrage.

Next time he entered the city, Forgot and the Rex apprehended him violently, beating the weaker and unprepared Albai into submission despite protests from others nearby. The bronze Skorthuzian was then dragged to the tower of the Maw without mercy, tortured with a hex of Ogrol, and sacrificed ritually to the spirits in a brutal display of savage violence. 

Kor’garr must note despite his friendship that Agis made many mistakes up to this point. He slandered the rex from a position without merit or proof multiple times, attempted treason, threatened to abandon the Horde, and most importantly implied a goal to spread Shamanism that he had no authority to teach unchecked amongst those who would abuse the Spirits out of malice. All this while putting off the Honorary trials that would grant him honor necessary to be listened to as kin of the Horde.

Instantly, news of these events spread and outrage flared from Sulianopoli as there was no coordination nor official announcement of these action nor their reasoning. In a follow-up interview, the Rex blahh’d:

Agis received powers he was nub worthy of. He was a zealot of Scorthuz who did nub know his place. He was a lesser who had the arrogance to always challenge mine decisions. He threatened brothers multiple times, agh when the urûkim took him up on his threat, he ran away in his twiggo cowardice." 

 Yet the Bronze Lads did not know the details.

All they heard of was an unjust and unreasonable murder of kin and vassal. In mere cactus days a large monument of sandstone was raised within San’Velku, a pillar of demands to the Rex from Sulianopoli praising the spirits, affirming loyalty shouting for justice, and generally wanting answers to what the zog happened at the Maw. The terms upon the pillar are listed below:

I A hecatomb in cattle to sacrifice as they wish.

II - a Feast day for the lesser spirit Pharis and for the memory of Agis Penweather.

III - A ritual to ensure the sending of Agis’s soul to Scorthuz and not Ogrol, allowing the Bronze lads insight ‘As a show of trust… [to] his deep mysteries’.

Many, many members of Sulianopli and Honorary orcs signed this pillar, including Zozhs’Mau the Terrifying, Quiil’Mau the Defender, Maarhbgrush (Formerly Luthriel), Steleos Kekenomos Hyptos, Dromos Mandelos Hyptos, Caelius, Obok Metuldrinkz, Dri’kaar, Tzkar Elar, agh Anazagoras, with the ending notice No Lad abandons another Lad, No Brother Shouldbeing both a public declaration of kinship and a comment interpreting betrayal from the Rex. Reasonable assumptions given their lack of complete knowledge or context, as the Iron Horde has still nub made an official comment on this execution. 

 

Yet again, Forgot created yet more tension, using a cannon to obliterate the monument and tearing the rubble apart with a pickaxe after claiming the elves were weak and dumb. He was later defeated and punished for this arrogance by the Brazen Bull of Ugluk, and now that the cub was sent to the stargush via Dragon, Kor’garr ponders that issue has been resolved naturally.

The Kaktuz Weekli will continue to report as this situation unfolds. The Rex has not officially responded to demands, despite mentions of possible compromise to be found in private discourse.

In his words:

When he died, he was nub ah shaman, he was nub of the bronze band of Sulianopoli… Ahm pretty sure Scorthuz claimed his soul.

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CrappyJoe FONT Trial version

In a series of wonderful events for the Horde, many members of the Orcish diaspora have returned to our proud people and taken positions within the city of San’Velku! The newfound clan of Duhr, neolithic brethren used to subterranean life, have stepped up to claim the shared title of Rukagoth in an unexpected move and already shown their experience in proper craftsmanship techniques to appease the spirits.

Mjoruk and Bjarg Duhr, having recently defended our harvest from overgrown avian scavengers, will regularly host explanations on how to properly craft weapons and armor in a way that will avoid jealousy or curses from beings such as Glutroz or Paxahru… All this despite them refusing to use metal instead of stone. Kor’garr is astounded by how effectively they can use more archaic materials. The brothers have also begun paths of pacting with the Elemental realm of Earth and the practice of Haruspexy, the traditional art of craftsmanship with ancestral grizh to channel the ancestral spirits into their creations.

In the meantime, the one known as Ofric’Lur has taken the mantle of Huntsgoth, continuing the Hunt of a Hundred years in spectacular fashion after the disappearance of our last lead hunter. Mere kaktuz days ago he lead an expedition to successfully slaughter multiple large alligators and even capture ag live Throdaag: This is a H’ (V) meter tall bipedal reptilian behemoth! Covered in additional fanged maws and slitted eyes, the massive and cruelly intelligent maneater entered a rage upon its subordinates being slaughtered by Ofric, rushing through the lake towards the party. Larger than dub ologs side by side, the being’s titanic might was halted by the honorable skills of Lakeidas’Raguk, Avotha’Lur, Obok Metaldrinks, and our new Targoth Kuvirr.

The enraged beast thrashed around until with clever use of whistles and various distractions, including a large broadhead arrow from Kor’garr, it tumbled into a binding hex from Zhomo Emony Akaal and was incapacitated. The savage and monstrously strong creature, requiring H’gahk (VIII) Uruks to lift, rested caged within the Gorkil Clan Hall for later use in San’Velku’s arena through Ofric’s excellent tactics and guidance until slaughtered by the Rex himself. Even now the honorable worshipper of Votar searches for more prey to take down. In the very words spoken during his Claim;

Lup Votar, the King of the Hunt, patron of all those who lurk in the tall grass and stalk their prey. Lup Freygoth, whose benevolence surrounds and provides the very beasts and animals we stalk.

Another new event for the Horde is the establishment of a neutral and unaffiliated Alms-giving guild called the CRUCIBLE upon Horde Lands with permission from the Rex. This coalition of artisans and crafters aim to spread good will and knowledge throughout Almaris for all Descendants to prosper, and they have been making outreach efforts to various other communities for an exchange of expertise or trade.

If your group might be interested in contacting those who would accept all with good will for the Descendants, regardless of origin or nature, Kor’garr does act as Head Scribe and may be messaged. The Crucible is already announcing classes to reduce illiteracy amongst uneducated populations!

 

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CrappyJoe FONT Trial version

Many events of note have taken place over the past few weeks in Hayhollow, land of the Halflings and a usual quiet respite from the Eternal Wagh of Almaris. Azhtly, they declared war. Let Kor’garr repeat in writing:

The HALFLINGS have declared war on Burrz-spawn and Ibleesian cultists that have been invading their lands, even calling members of one daemonic cult to trial over blaspheming within their lands. Mimosa Applefoot, Mayor of Bywater, released multiple descriptions of these cultists so they might face the rightful purging they deserve for betraying the Descendants of Almaris.

Of course, the culprits never revealed their cowardly faces even to the so-called smallfolk. Instead, they committed a petty act of vandalism by cursing a tree and turning it into some form of demonic plant. Ultimately their revenge was harmless, the howling edifice of twist wood easily removed by a decent logging choppa’ and a few minutes of hard work. 

More recently Hayhollow has had a burst of anti-biggun or outsider sentiment, making official changes to their codes for housing and properness that ensure fellow halflings take priority. This comes after many concerns of overcrowding and the dilution of Halfling Kulture, with Mimosa Applefoot the Mayor of Bywater stating:

We must first take care of our own people! A shire for halflings, by halflings, and of halflings!

Personally Kor’garr can understand the annoyance of having unwelcome visitors constantly attempting to settle upon your land agh ignore proper culture. 

An update: In additional Anti-Biggun action a merchant stall was burned down over its use of minas coin and locked containers. A manifesto in what appears to be pumpkin juice was penned advocating for a general removal of all foreign cultural influence from the Hayhollow region, including large houses and economic systems.

The Kaktuz Weekli will report upon further developments if needed.

 

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vtks animal 2

CrappyJoe FONT Trial version

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Skumu has decided that there is nub enough buub facts for Skumu to keep putting facts, so for this izzue of Kaktuz Weekli, Skumu is starting a competition! Readers please send in Poems dedicated to Skumu’s brave and charismatic pig, Kor’Garr Jr!

Skumu and Kor’Garr will choose the winner and lat will win a personal art by Skumu herself! Sounds fun yub? Latz must send in your entry before the next issue! Skumu’s time limit will be azh week since Kaktuz Weekli gets published! Hozh luck!! 

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Here is where Kor’garr or other members of the Kaktuz Weekli will respond to messages submitted by our readers! Feel free to Blah with Kor’garr or send a bird to San’Velku’s aviary with your questions or stories, and we will put them into the Paper!

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CrappyJoe FONT Trial version

Please note we are still looking for interviews with those who participated in the Siege of Shattered Skies!

Next Week: 

More will be added in later issues! Please note we are still hiring members for a variety of occupations which will be paid for in Minas or other goods if negotiated!
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Kor’garr - Zkriptgoth, Owner.

CCU49VTV89RnpW18xkOLvLw53Ntw-EZkzKAsrJlDdJ8ScwTML86gopVwI24mT4iuvFP5rn98muhWiavus8_927hVcAukSk6k_CfOIWkd5YGW94-H4DrZZnfvUqxdwEx253fIZV2YtPxp1yD4018NNoe6fE-fdU6XwzAI51-rppWI27aZhmdmzca54NT8ag

 

 

Skumu - Head Artist, Formatter

IMG_0412.png

 

 

Kretz'Ox -  Assistant Writer

--

 

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The Rex enjoyed his reading of the Kaktus Weekli with a nice bottle of Guzzoline.

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Luthriel groaned.  "I cant control coincidences! And I can't control what my sky god rolls!"

Her forehead plopped on the table.  "I should just have sent Kosher a bird."

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"Mmmm, Bub'Hozh" Said the Kukaal, as he read it over, approving.

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Glances reading over this, polishing each scale of bronze on his linothorax. "We haven't gotten our kattul. They would be worthy sacrifice to greater spirits as Agis would have seen fit."

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