Goodbye

[Caranthir_ 2531]

Dear LotC,

 

I am DEINSTITUTIONALISING after having begun my journey here in 2015 at the age of fourteen. I am now twenty-three and, like an inmate of The Shawshank Redemption, struggle to imagine what my life would have been like had I not chanced upon the server.

 

I will briefly write the testament of all that I did before I leave you for good.

 

I started my time here as “TENAKA KHAN” a half dark elf half human directly inspired by a similarly named protagonist of a book series by David Gemmel. Tenaka’s (book) resilience inspired me at a time in my life that I felt adrift and weak. My parents had split acrimoniously a few years earlier. We were the victims of domestic abuse, and briefly homeless. Tenaka was strong; I could be strong too. LotC Tenaka settled in Pompourelia, Oren. I wanted, very sincerely, to be a general of the army. My trackpad had other ideas.

 

As I began reading War of the Roses historical fiction by Philippa Gregory my second character became “EDWARD YORK”, a street rat of Felsen. I chanced on the Druids, spent a lot of time training there. Another chance encounter: Beo Ruric of Norland. Edward settled a little village called Crestholme in Norland with Jentos Blackwood. After Beo’s failed rebellion against Oren little Edward was strung up on the gallows as the last man in Norland. Blood for York.

 

I joined the Norland revival with Narthok as a second son, "NJORD RURIC". The year is 2016. We lose the Siege of Seahelm and retreat into the Dreadlands. Njord is tragically eaten up by a Frost Witch. So sad. This is the year I am groomed by an lotcer 10 years older than me. Thus begins an unhealthy attachment to seeking validation on the craft. It's not all bad though. I start to meet pals I still chat to now.

 

“JOSEPH D’IVREA” — Quartermaster of the Nauzican, servant of the Emperor John III, friend to Johnny “Dragon”. This stuff was massive for me.

 

“LYSTOR ASHFORD DE ARYN”. It is 2017. Human politics is something that interests me a lot more now. Lystor was a Baron in Savoy. Dies in Savoyard Massacre at Johannesburg. I will always remember the sun rise over the Savoy marshes after hours of roleplay on my castle roof.

 

‘ALEXANDRE DE ARYN” — Lystor’s nephew, fights the Empire. Alexandre was my first “significant” character. I navigate my first experiences in Skype (soon to transition to discord) politics. I start to see events as dictated by people behind the characters. I follow suit as it seemed to be expected of me. Once Marna gets taken over by Renatus I initially become a rebel, moving off to Curon to fight in the war, then shamelessly selling out Curon (which was admittedly on its last legs) to receive a Horen. That was a nasty move.

 

So, finally, “ALEXANDER HOREN”, grandson of the old emperor & founder of the Alstion dynasty. So begins my love affair with that niche. It is 2018. I’m in the emperors privy but I am entirely beholden to court intrigue. Become a moderator and lend my account to Dewper to take modreqs disguised as me. I get an indefinite ban for it. Deserved. I lied about it blatantly and tried crying foul play. As it happens, he was a great moderator. Much better than me. I successfully appeal after a year.

 

“AMADEUS DE ARYN” — Cardinal, Senator, an extension of me and my opinions. I really felt that a LOT of what happened in the game mattered to my life. It is 2020.

 

I play a throwaway character next who becomes Treasurer in Oren, I can’t even remember his name.

 

Favourite character duo: father and son “JAMES ALSTION” and “WILLIAM ALSTION”. Both essentially fight the same fight against the same people. Larping the Jacobites in the wastelands (Alba) and listen to a LOT of Scottish folk songs. This period of my life had a lot of synergy with my IRL university education. William dies fighting at Haverlock. It is now 2022. Here’s where I get sucked in. Take things too seriously. Get burned. I leave for half a year. Very good decision. Should've stopped there.

 

Come back for Aaun foundation. I spend more time in damage control discussions on discord than in game. “IAIN GROMACH” — bit of a throwaway. 

 

“OLIVIER ROSIUS”, who does diplomacy with Veletz. 

 

Then “EDMUND ALSTION”. I learned a lot about how LotC. Nations are almost entirely legacy maintenance/factionalism. Once you realise this as an NL almost all fun is sucked out of the game. One upping your opponent, getting a dopamine hit on the forums, elaborate conspiracies in group chats—these are the most interesting remaining dynamics. This was one of the darkest periods of my life. My heart pounded from my chest every time I thought about discord. I couldn’t eat properly, I didn’t sleep well. I felt dreadfully alone. I felt cornered. Since I was just a stupid dumb kid, all that had begun to matter was what happened here. I can never get that time back, but I have learned from it.

 

So we come to the end. “TRISTAN TALRAEN”. Salvo stripped it all back for me. I came to realise what fun it is to start from nothing. I am proud of what I did there. I am so grateful for meeting such kind and interesting people. I started getting the tightness in my chest when opening discord in the morning. I say NO MORE. I am leaving.

 

That wasn't really brief, and let's be honest you probably skimmed it. That's okay, it means more to me than it ever will to you.

 

I do not have any more special words of wisdom to offer you and they’d probably be quite boring if I did. As the sentimentalist that I am I will leave you with the following song I'm interested in at the moment. Thank you for the memories, even the bad ones. Goodbye.

 

 

[DizzyGrey 715]

So long sailor, and good travels

[Rig 14272]

We've interacted a handful of times over the years, sometimes positively and sometimes negatively. Like you, I have a similar upbringing, and faced similar adversity on this server. Using this place as a creative outlet, I've made friends who've helped me expand my horizons when it comes to creative writing, art critique, and the list goes on.

 

I wish you luck with your in-person shit, soldier.

[Olox_ 4184]

Thank you for being a good friend and someone I could always consult about anything in time of need.

Good luck out there brother.

 

 

 

[Kursion 463]

Good luck on life Reece, you're an incredible man, I really hoped I met you before in LOTC, anyhow, it was great fun sharing with you lots of moments in LOTC. I hope to keep in touch with you, I wish you the best!

[Wavey 1996]

Love you Reece! Make sure to keep in touch at least broski and I know you’ll succeed in life! ❤️

[drtrollado 106]

I can happily bestow upon you, reece, the title of GOAT. You da man!!!

[valecu 2072]

Good tidings, you are one of the more mental giants of law and government on here. Personally, somebody I had looked up to early on and from times still do or draw inspiration from. You are leaving behind legacies of work that would transcend your time on LOTC. I wish you lots of luck on your dreams and goals in life, which I truly hope you achieve. o7 

[LithiumSedai 5307]

So long, space cowboy. You owe me a real Alba run in CK3 when you next show up.
 

 

[forwhatpvrpose 1134]

Much love and best of luck.

[Andustar 2754]

Take care, Reece! I hope all goes according to plan, and I hope you'll poke your head in to say hello every now and then.

[ydegirl 2130]

hello hello hello (goodbye)

[Mister_Gavin 398]

Godspeed spiderman.

I enjoyed reading about your characters.

Go live your life and don't look back.