Villainy For Newbs (How To Be Good At It)

[Nononymous 304]

How to Be A Nether of a Villain

 

“Halt!” yelled the ominous man as the merchant approached. Alarmed, the merchant inquired, “What is it?” Upon the merchant’s remark, the eerie fellow unsheathed a knife. The merchant yelped and put his hands in the air. “I don’t want any trouble mister!” The eerie man continued grinning, his head tilted to the side. He stared down at the merchant and asked. . . “Want some bread?” At this, the eerie man cut a slice of bread for the merchant and continued smiling.

 

The merchant laughed nervously. “Aha! That’s funny! I genuinely thought I was being robbed!” The no-longer eerie man replied, “You are, *****. Cough up the minas.”

 

 

 

Likely, your head is spinning now. “What the nether did I just read?” That’s called a good “minas or die” bandit. While most people complain about them, it’s because these bandits often lack a certain quality that is vital to bandit success; comedy.

 

Below you shall find all the different kinds of villains I understand. I have RPed on this server for two years, so I like to think I know everything. If you even try to correct me, I’ll slap you silly. The biggest fundamental of this server is, no matter how many times people whine and complain, the server relatively has inertia: we don’t change much. Ever. Now you shall read all the key qualities that are required in each genre of villain, and believe me, all villains can be classified. Yes, even the Perfectionist. Yes, even Knox. Yes, even the Tiled Performer. In fact, those three make up one of the rarer, harder to execute genres, but you’ll read more on them later.

 

1.    Guards

“Guards aren’t evil!” you shout at me. Shut your ignorant mouth. Guards are the epitome of evil. Before I explain why, think to yourself why this could be true. Here’s a few ideas to jog your memory; extortion of money, need to cause chaos in cities (COUGH COUGH ABRESI), killing unprovoked, arresting those who are clearly innocent, and not to mention stealing all of the women. Guards are typically viewed unfavorably if they are, in fact, villainous. When people here of guards, they should think of this:

 

 

Instead, they think of this:

 

 

Don’t be a jackass. If you’re a guard, be a good guy. End of story. (Unless you are a political villain using your position as guard to navigate the city. In that case, keep it up)

 

2.    The Thief

Well duh, thieves are evil. Granted, they’re not horrible people either. You don’t burn a kid who steals a cookie at the stake and declare him a heretic. . . unless you do. In which case, f**k you if you’re burning children. Off topic, I should be talking about thieves, not burning kids, as that’s a different kind of villainy. Thieves should be pickpockets and nothing more. Why do you think we have the expression, “a petty thief.” Hint, THIEVES ARE PETTY. If you’re nothing more than a Thief, remain so, don’t become a marauder or a raider. That’s a different villain. Stay TRUE to your character.

 

Now, if you want to be successful as a Thief, you have to do these things;

1.    Pickpocket

2.    Break-ins

3.    Kidnappings

All of these must be executed with one, two, or three of the following: comedy, evil geniusness (it’s a word, just don’t look it up, smart-alec), or madness. If you’re good at making people laugh, take the comedy approach. Don’t be a troll, but win people over with your character’s witty antics and clever repartees. Evil geniusnees relies on assuming the position of Keyser Söze.

 

 

 

Nuff’ said. And as far as madness, I think all I have to do is show you a picture to prove RPing madness works.

 

 

    3. The Bandit

 

Here is where the marauder/raider comes into play. Most of the guards on LoTC are, in fact, classified as bandits due to their antics. Bandits live only to cause chaos and, like thieves, gain a little bit of money. However, bandits are different from thieves in that they also seek violence and wish to kill people. This is their innermost desire. Unfortunately, many guards on this server are under the impression they are lawful good, and thus fail to recognize they are bandits at heart. To RP a bandit successfully, you must be able to state the same phrase over and over again in new, fresh ways. The phrase is, of course, “Minas or die.”

 

A large part of being a bandit is having a gang of buddies to back you up. If there are 3+ of you, the person you are assaulting likely won’t try to powergame beating you. However, if they do, there’s always ban reports. Now when I say gang, I don’t mean become mobsters, I’m reffering more to Moe, Curly, and Larry (the three stooges). Make the victim ENJOY being robbed. While sadistic and kinky, it’s better not to question these things. At the end of the day, Bandits have to make sure to separate their OOC desire for minas and their ability to create good RP.

 

4.    The Assassin

Just don’t. Stop it. No. Ezio, get down from that perch. No, seriously. Stop. No! C’mon! No one likes it when you start pretending to do parkour! No! Ezio! EZIO! Ha! See what you did? Landed flat on your arse, and you wanna’ know why? BECAUSE WE’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU! That’s right assassins, if you can’t RP the assassin characteristic correctly, DON’T DO IT AT ALL! People seem to define being an assassin as:

 

 

I’ve enclosed in spoilers what will happen to you if you are a bad assassin.

 

BAD ASSASINS:

 

What classifies you as a bad assassin, you ask? Mainly, it’s peoples expectance to win. If you are a villain, you SHOULD NOT be winning. Ever! At all! NO EXCEPTIONS! The point of being a villain is to give your RP partner the FEELING of being a HERO. If you want to be a badass with swords coming out of his wrists, become Wolverine’s retarded brother or play Assassin’s Creed, because LoTC is not for you. If you want to be a GOOD assassin, which once outlined for you, won’t be too hard, you must do the following!:

 

1.    Be prepared to lose battles

2.    Don’t have excessive weaponry; carry 1-2 daggers with you at most

3.    Avoid conflict! USE POISON!

4.    Actually find and carry out contracts.

5.    Don’t advertise you’re an assassin.

If you want to continue being a special snowflake (shout-out to my buddy HeeroZero), go ahead, but I’ll be laughing when people complain about your bad RP and I can call you a special snowflake. (God I love that phrase)

 

5.    The Cultist

The Cultist; this usually consists of Iblees worshippers, terrorists, extremists. These are very hard to find villains, if they are ACTUAL cultists. I have very little to criticize about cultists. To be honest, they’re typically veteran villains who work hard. If I have any complaints, it’s for the playerbase to STOP METAGAMING THE EXISTENCE OF CULTISTS! YOU’RE RUINING EVERYONE’S FUN!

 

In all seriousness though, to be a Cultist, you must be able to accept metagaming. There are no other key features to RPing a cultist. Metagaming will be a feature of your day-to-day RP life, and I’m sorry, but there is no way of changing this. You will get frustrated, and you may quit, but remember at the end of the day this is just a game. If you’re not enjoying being a cultist, don’t RP as one, because you can’t expect the world to change around you: change to fit the world.

 

6.    The Leader

The Leader is possibly the hardest position to fill. Leaders will typically be the most emotional, sensitive, and power-hungry people OOCly you will ever meet, and yet very firm, morale-raising RPers. The Leaders will often run gangs of Cultists, Thieves, Assasins, Guards, and Bandits. . . You name it. The only situation you will never find a Leader in is with the Psychopath, but they are to be mentioned later.  Leaders will typically be the most invested in their characters, and they’ll relatively care too much about their men, or care too little. It is rare to find a perfect balance.

 

Leaders, to be successful such as August Flay/Prince, must be dedicated to the server OOCly, have plenty of time to spare IRL, creative, and unbelievably devious. These are the qualities to be a good villain leader. To actually RP a leader, you must either be aloof or insane. Aloof leaders will let their men do whatever they please, and the minions will love you for it.

 

 

Insane leaders are often obsessed with their power, and they must be very active with their members to maintain their image. Insane leaders must be mysterious, unfamiliar, unpredictable, and very successfully with their plans. Otherwise, you’re screwed. There will be mutiny. You will be overthrown. No one will care about you.

 

7.    The Psychopath

Oh god help me, this ones gonna’ be a pain to cover. Psychopaths, we love em’, we hate em’, but Aeriel nether it, they’ve got some dang good RP. Some people are wanna-be psychopaths, but I don’t care enough to correct them. If you’re a bad psychopath, people will let you know. To RP a psychopath, you must BE the psychopath IRL. You have to be able to flip a switch from normal, IRL you to a dark creature from the black lagoon, like Miley Cyrus.

 

 

Poor Miley, went from Disney Princess to naked chic on a wrecking ball. There’s the real psychopath. Moving on, psychopaths must have a spiel of sorts; something of their very own that makes them unique amongst villains. The Perfectionist is a terrifying, artistic mime that can rise people from the dead, Knox wears a pumpkin on his head and practically dissects people, and the Tilted Performer likes to give people extra body parts (tried to give me a bird mask once). These are ideal psychopaths. 

 

Here is the key to be a psychopath. LOSE! LOSE! LOSE! All you have to do is act crazy, and LOSE! That’s it! If you have the creativity and the ability to not give a damn, then props to you, you’re ready to RP as a psychopath! Ask Geoboy66 how many times he wins a battle. That silly boy as a KDR of about 1/100,000,000. At this point, the guide is concluded, however I wanna’ mess with some people who just skim and scroll to the bottom, then write “Great post!” Screw those guys. I’ll show them who’s boss. If you’re gonna’ comment and show that you read it thoroughly, please include a random “moo” in your comment. I want to see who ISN’T lazy. By the way, if you liked the guide, feel free to pay me like, 50 minas. No, it’s not corrupt. I worked hard on this. I deserve it. How do you think I’m supposed to feed my family? Gimme’.

 

8.    You

You, yeah, you’re a villain. A villain for not reading my guide thoroughly, jerk. Scroll back up to the top and read it! Don’t look around all confused! You’re wasting my time! GO ON! SCROLL BACK UP! Don’t give me that, “I read it,” crap. You skimmed. Go back up and read it.

[TheBreadmannn 110]

HAHHAH! All of this is so 'moo' true. You are so right about how people play 'moo' assassins these days....

[excited 10833]

I read some neat stuff on here, I'll link this to new members of my bandit grou- I mean, part of the arcane librarians living in a  library.
 

[Aelu / Rel (Combustionary) 1535]

This was beautiful. 

 

Amazing guide, and I think you outline everything pretty well.

[Free The Hobbits 859]

Aislin said screw you to me. SQUUEEEE!!! In all seriousness I enjoyed that guide, watch out for my newest psychopath bird man the man who wears clothes made of feathers and has excessive amounts of aviator goggles

[TheBreadmannn 110]

This was beautiful. 

 

Amazing guide, and I think you outline everything pretty well.

Read the FFing post,

 

Aislin said screw you to me. SQUUEEEE!!! In all seriousness I enjoyed that guide, watch out for my newest psychopath bird man the man who wears clothes made of feathers and has excessive amounts of aviator goggles

Read the FFing post,

 

I read some neat stuff on here, I'll link this to new members of my bandit grou- I mean, part of the arcane librarians living in a  library.

Read the FFing post. 

 

'YALL MOTHA TRUCKAS 'FOGOT 'YO MOOS

[cruzazul 2806]

That was brilliant! MOOOOO

[MonkeyCoffee 516]

I laughed. moooo

[Neri 3587]

Moo, said the cow, but I say "Good guide!", although sometimes villains DO have to win, otherwise they become something easily brushed off and ignored. Villains should win 50% of the time, if not more, but not through some 'divine right' but through their own cunning and actions. 

[Splitchris 11]

-le moo

[Valorane 123]

Love it Jtheo! I'm thinking up an alt, I'll be sure to use this if he is a villain.

[spqrSancus 173]

That was a beautifully amoosing guide (see what I did there?). Very creative, helpful, with a touch of humour. Brought a smile to my face and will hopefully be of help to us. :)

[minitoot2 15]

cool post, MOOOOOOOOO, could you add something about cannibals please though?? :D I play one at the moment (Faelcyns FTW) and want to make my RP better, thanks

 

-Mini (moo :3)

[Imperial Legion Soldier 34]

If an assassin walks up to me and says "Moo" I will be quite impressed. Btw, this guide really is helpful and I think it will be great for all the newbies who want to be evil.

[Yoff 328]

I'm moo lazy...