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Music to listen to while reading my book A HISTORY OF The Goldhand and Grimgold Grudge. By: Voryn A’Daragon OPENING STATEMENT This is a History of the Goldhand and Grimgold Grudge, which details their long lasting feud stretching back several hundred years. Both clans can trace their lineage back to the “Line of Tungdil”, a famous dwarven lord who was known for his love of children and ability to make gold faster than any other dwarf. The Grimgold Clan are the descendants of the older son of Tungdil, while the Goldhand Clan are the descendants of the younger son of Tungdil. Their rivalry is that of a sibling rivalry. The Goldhands were a more successful clan than the Grimgolds, and were granted “Elder Status” for their services to Urguan. The Grimgolds, on the other hand, did very little of note until their Clan Father, Glod Grimgold, took over power of the Clan. FIRST ERA GRUDGE In the year 689 of the First Era, the first signs of the rivalry had begun. Bumble Goldhand, a Cheese Merchant, had fallen in love with the beardling Blod Grimgold. Unfortunately, the Clan Father of the Grimgolds (whose name is lost to time, as he was irrelevant), forbade the marriage. Bumble was enraged. He went to his Clan Father (Thoak Goldhand), and told him that the Grimgolds had refused the marriage because they “Would not marry a disgusting Shithand”. The Lord Thoak then killed almost the entirety of the Grimgold Clan. The Goldhand’s believed that their ancient enemy was now slain. Unfortunately for them, (and fortunately for us, as will be discussed later), several Grimgolds were away on their ker wife finding missions. As a side note, the Grimgolds are known in the Dwarven Kingdom for taking “Dark Elven Concubines.” To the Goldhands, a lot of the Grimgolds are not even dwarves. They are considered Dark Elves. One of the Grimgold’s that survived was known as Klouf Grimgold (Not to be confused with Klouf Grimgold). Klouf was a famous warrior, and took the survivors to live in caves. That is not an insult to dwarves - many of them actually live in caves (insane). Klouf had several warriors in his retinue. Thorin Grimgold, Bombur Grimgold, Gimli Grimgold, and most importantly of all, Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold. Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold will now be discussed. Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold was the Captain of the Ship called the Fist of Dungrimm. He was a famous pirate, adventurer, and explorer. Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold had slain dragons, fought in countless battles, and most importantly of all - had a dark elven mother. This allowed him to look conventionally attractive, while retaining the brute strength of the dwarves. He carved out his own island kingdom known as the “Grim Isles”, where a subsection of the Grimgold Clan fled to. There, they engaged in dark magic, cannibalism, and created quarter dwarf, quarter ker, half pig hybrids. Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold soon became an accomplished wizard. He studied for many years, perfecting the craft of organic transmutation. Soon, the entirety of the Grim Isles was full of his creations. Gone were the descendants that one lived there, replaced by the abominations of Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold. Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold then found the Sea-***** Witch known as Elsa. Understanding his power, the Sea-***** Witch known as Elsa gave Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold the power to create skin-walkers from his creations. His former clan members were now cursed with the ability to skin-walk, and took any form they wanted. Klouf Grimgold had heard of this dark magic, and he sailed to the Grim Isles. It was there a legendary fight took place between Klouf Grimgold and Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold. While historical records show that Klouf Grimgold had won the battle, who is to say that Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold had not won and simply skin changed into Klouf? For the academic purposes of this book, we will take the argument that Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold won the battle. This is because skinwalkers have difficulty keeping the shape of a face. The Grimgolds typically wear masks, and are most likely the Skinwalkers that plague Almaris. When Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold, disguised as Klouf, returned to the mainland he was greeted by his clan members who stayed behind. Slowly, he turned all of the Grimgolds into Skinwalkers who could take the shape and appearance of whatever they wanted. The Goldhands had magic. Thoak Goldhand was blind, but he could see. When the Grimgold Clan had returned, Thoak began to exterminate them. Unfortunately, Skinwalkers are crafty. Several of them became attached to his Clan as well, and thus the Skinwalker menace had spread between the dwarven clans. Thoak, with his magical eyes, could sense the skinwalker presence. He would strike down those he thought were skinwalkers, including his own son (also named Thoak). It was then the remaining true dwarf Goldhands held a meeting. The “True” Goldhands held a meeting. Thoak told them that they had to come up with a cunning plan: to become Grimgolds. The meeting erupted into chaos. But then, they realised this was wise. So they immediately all put on the armor of the Grimgolds. The former Grimgolds under Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold became Goldhands. For several hundred years, the Grimgold Clan was actually the Goldhand Clan - and vice versa. The Skin Walking Grimgolds were able to take the appearance of anyone they wished. The Goldhand Grimgolds remained in hiding, far away from the political intrigues of the dwarves. This is where it gets interesting. This is a fragment from a piece of pottery I found. I will put it in quotes. “I heard a tale once from a strange fellow deep in the desert. They spoke of this Temple which worshipped the Skinwalkers, who believed they would bring about the end of the world. I thought him mad! He only laughed at me.” “Four legged dwarves, with bat wings would attack those in the desert. These were the Grimgolds (not the Goldhand version). As he discussed that they existed and that they were worshipped by the nomadic desert folk, a group of them attacked us.” “We fought them off as best as we could, but the desert nomad was carried off by these Grimgolds. I cursed them, (as I was a powerful wizard with access to many magics), and they forgot that they were Skinwalkers).” As this fragment shows, it was common knowledge that four legged bat dwarves roamed the world, and attacked travelers. These four legged creatures were, obviously, Grimgolds - yet the Grimgolds are disguised as the Goldhands. Does this mean that the Goldhands were the bat creatures, or the Grimgolds? The author of this book believes that these were the Goldhands from Thoak. Thoak had incredible magical powers, and was able to use his magic vision to make others see what he wanted them to see. Thus, the Goldhands were the bat people - but they were also disguised as Grimgolds at the same time. In the year 894 First Era, the old tales were forgotten. The Grimgold Clan had vanished, and the Goldhand Clan became powerful. During that gap of history, it is unclear what had happened. I met a drunk dwarf who told me that Torsun Goldhand, Clan Elder of the Goldhands in the Year 88 of the Second Age, was actually Thoak Goldhand who had turned himself immortal. It is possible, therefore, that the Goldhands had reclaimed their true lineage and cast out the Grimgolds. Unless, of course, that Torsun Goldhand (Thoak Goldhand) is a skinwalker who is actually Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold. Due to the Goldhands being known traitors to Urguan, I believe this is the case: The current Goldhand Clan are the Grimgolds. However, almost all of them have forgotten their ancient powers due to the curse - save for Thoak Goldhand, aka Torsun Goldhand (real name Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold). Regardless, all one has to know to understand the current standing grudge in the year 88 of the Second Era is this: the two Gold Clans hate one another. Be it from an ancient same sex marriage that failed, the skinwalker saga, or due to the Goldhand’s claiming elder status over the Grimgolds. We will now begin the tale of the “Second Era Grudge”, and move away from the First Era. THE SECOND ERA GRUDGE: Song link for Second Era In the Second Era, the Goldhand Clan is led by Conan ‘No-Shirt, No Pants’ Goldhand. The Grimgold Clan is led by Glod ‘Godborn’, Grimgold. This book will now discuss both men in depth. (Note: I have not met either of them). Conan ‘No-Shirt’ Goldhand is a senile old dwarf. He routinely burps, farts, and shits his way out of anything important in Urguan. It is said that his clan member Tholgrim (or whatever he goes by now), holds up cue cards for Conan when he is delivering speeches. The important clan activities are done by three dwarves. Hekkaes Anvilhammer, The Iron Baron (needs no introduction, as he is known for having bad teeth and unable to comprehend the common tongue), and “Torsun Goldhand”. Torsun is put in quotes as, most likely, he is Thorin ‘the other Thorin’ Grimgold. The three shadow leaders of the Goldhand Clan, therefore, are not even Goldhands. Conan, weak and feeble and unable to do anything to stop this, has been forced to agree to their demands of a Clan War. Glod Grimgold, on the other hand, is considered the strongest, wisest, and most powerful dwarf in Urguan. What he says is deeply considered by every single dwarf. While his clan are made up of lackluster nobodies, Glod really shines. Glod was (and perhaps still is) worshipped by humans for his apparent divinity. While Glod has outright refused these claims, he has still earned the title of “the Godborn”, due to his unwavering loyalty to the Brathmordakin. Glod is a famous Senator, Commander, and Battle-Hardened Warrior. Compared to Conan, one would wonder why the Goldhands would dare oppose him. It all goes back to the First Era grudge: The Elder Status of the Gold Clan. Should it go to the Grimgolds, or to the Goldhands? The challenge was issued. Glod was unable to attend the meeting (or felt it was beneath him), and sent a lowly beardling to attend the meeting. This beardling insulted the Goldhands, by openly declaring that the Grimgolds were the trueborn sons of Tungdil and that the Goldhands were not even true Goldhands. He demanded they vassalize under Glod. The Goldhands laughed in the face of the envoy of Glod. They cut his manhood off, and took his tongue out. They demanded that the Grimgolds admit they are the bastard clan of Tungdil, and that they need to pay them twenty five thousand minas. In addition, they wanted the land the Grimgold’s owned. The Goldhands and their vassal clans the Ironguts and Irongrinders marched to war against the Grimgolds. They killed many of their men in the field of battle, overwhelming the poorer clan through sheer numbers. Glod and his clan sought refuge with the Jungle Dwarves. Glod, fearing that the dwarves under his command would be killed by the potential skinwalker clan, sought out a truce. They would pay the money, help the Goldhands acquire new land - but they would not denounce the fact that they are the sons of Tungdil. This is where the history ends - as it is still ongoing. This is a deep look at the psyche of the dwarves, and why they attack one another. Honour, duty, and greed. Signed, Voryn A’Daragon, Master Historian.
Death of a Merchant An Artist’s depiction of the late Gildroc Goldhand It was on a mid-day stroll that Gildroc Goldhand found himself beset by two Human brigands; Pisspot and Robert, quickly captured without much fuss from the grumpy bureaucrat, angered that his work had been disrupted. He went with them, hoping that whatever they wanted would be resolved quickly, finding his possessions looted from his person much to the Dwarf’s chagrin. He was marched off to Oren, locked in a comfy cell beneath new Providence. Soon Duncan Vullier arrived, and the Dwed asked him his identity, learning that it was indeed the man who had started the war. He questioned his survival, having seen him die some years past at the hands of the Irehearts but was met with confusion from the man. The dwarf was then bought a piece of parchment, and threatened to sign it ‘or else he would be cut into little bits.’ The Goldhand of course refused, chuckling at the shenanigans of the Orenians. He told them they could kill him, and cited the great Algoda Frostbeard uttering the words ‘this changes nothing’ to his Imperial Captors. Incensed, the one named Pisspot who had aided in his capture shaved the Dwed’s beard much to Gildrocs horror, tying the remains of his beard in a wig on the Dwarf’s head while Duncan Vullier held him down. The humiliated dwarf was then marched out his cell, up into the Imperial City towards the Cathedral where he was forced down and ordered to repent before their heathen God. The dwarf again refused, shaking his head twice when ordered to do so, for he repented only to Armakak his patron God. Finally, the shaved Dwed was escorted out of the city, but not before further humiliation was incurred with the application of handy Dwarven shaving cream. He was then let go, the dwarf stumbling on his way back home. Anywho encountered him on the road, would have found a broken Dwed; a shadow of his former self. Once he arrived home, the dwarf approached his cousin Torsun and summoned the Goldhands to his Clan Hall, where he made his intentions plain that he intended to die to pay the price for the dishonour he had incurred by having his beard shaven. The dwarf settled his affairs, then departed with his kinsmen to talk to the rest of the Dwarves in the city square. In a rousing speech, the dwarf regained some of his spirit, as he called upon his fellow Dwarves to resist Oren’s attacks and re-iterated again the infamous Algoda Frostbeard's words ‘this changes nothing.’ The dwarf then turned away after hushed words with Axel Ireheart, departing. The dwarf soon re-appeared above the crowd, upon the palace roof in Kal’Darakaan. He soon stepped off, and in doing so took his own life. The Grand Steward of Urguan was dead, slain by his own hand. The Tungdilson was no more, some say he now dines in Dungrimm’s Halls.