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THE COMING-OF-AGE TRIAL OF MARIJA ODILIA COLBORN Published from the Viscounty of Venzia ISSUED ON THE 11TH OF WZUVAR AND BYVCA, 480 E.S. O’ GUD, VOR HJELP I GYNE ERE, As a rite of passage for Colborn children, we must complete the “Vaskr” in preparation for “Nattrvaskr” - the ceremony in which youth is washed away to make way for adulthood. The Vaskr, or washing, is a trial in honour of one of House Colborn’s chosen Patron Ancestors. Upon reviewing the list of Patron Ancestors, I connected most deeply to Mira “the Brewmistress” Warnek-Colborn who brought her expert brewing techniques from Savoy to the House of Colborn. As a child, I frequently found myself too ill to venture outside and learn about the world. Instead, I learnt to understand and express myself by learning and practicing recipes with my Mother and Grandmother’s guidance. Such has become my cornerstone and, until now, these old recipes have been sequestered within the halls of Venzia away from the eyes of outsiders. Therefore, after discussion with my Cousin, Viscount Carolus Colborn, we have decided that I shall make and record several historic Scyfling recipes and prepare them for publication herein. The hope is to spread knowledge of Scyfling practices to the remainder of Hanseti-Ruska and the world at large. MEASUREMENTS Cup - Small drinking cup Large Spoon - Soup eating spoon or large eating spoon Small Spoon - Small dessert spoon or teaspoon SIDE DISHES CUCUMBER SALAD is a refreshing side dish that can be paired with almost any type of meal. Some people use it to refresh their pallet and others use it to marry the meal together. It is very simple to make, but very traditional. INGREDIENTS 2⁄3 Cup - Vinegar 2⁄3 Cup - Cold Water 3 1⁄2 Large Spoon - Sugar 1⁄2 Small Spoon - Salt 1⁄4 Small Spoon - Pepper DIRECTIONS Thinly slice the cucumber and add it to a bowl. Add the vinegar, water, sugar, salt, and pepper into the bowl to finish the dressing for the salad and finish with a bit of parsley. SETTEKAKE BREAD is a traditional yeast-leavened flatbread cooked with a griddle or pot. It has a golden-brown exterior and a soft interior and is best eaten right off the heat with some butter or brown cheese. INGREDIENTS 1 Cup plus 2 Small Spoons - Milk 1 Cup plus 2 Small Spoons - Water ¼ Cup - Butter 7 Cups - Flour 2 Ounces - Fresh Yeast 1 Small Spoons - Salt DIRECTIONS Warm the milk with a small saucepan with the water and butter on a medium heat until the butter has melted and the liquid is warm to the touch. Add the yeast into the mixture until fully combined. Take it off the heat, but keep it near the stove to keep warm. In a bowl add the flour and salt then add the milk mixture. Mix it with a spoon until it becomes a crumbling mixture then start to knead it until it becomes a soft and pliable dough.Fold the dough into a ball and put a light towel over it to rest for forty-five minutes. Or until double the size. Roll the dough out onto the counter and divide it into ten equal pieces. Roll out each piece to make a circular shape that is about the size of your palm and as thick as up to half way up the digit of your finger. Cover with a thin towel as you finish them off and prepare a cast iron griddle or a cast iron pot to a medium heat. Take the dough from under the towel one by one and place them onto the heated surface for five minutes or until golden and cooked through. Serve warm with your choice of toppings or as is. SPRING MASHED POTATOES are excellent side dishes for a large variety of meals, from stew to cabbage rolls and whatever your heart desires. It is refreshing and yet very filling bringing dishes together one spoonful at a time. INGREDIENTS 1 ½ lbs. - Potatoes 3 Large Spoon - Salted Butter 1 Cup - Milk Salt and Pepper to Taste 1 Cup - Green Peas 1 Bunch Dill, chopped 2 Spring Onions, chopped DIRECTIONS Wash, skin, and cube the potatoes and add them to a pot of water setting that to medium-high heat and bring that to a boil. Let it simmer for fifteen minutes or until soft using a knife or fork. Remove the water from the potatoes and begin to mash it to your liking along with milk, butter, salt, pepper, and dill. Serve with spring onions on top. MAIN DISHES LOHIKEITTO is a salmon soup that is claimed to be most delicious! This soup is made with simple ingredients and yet is enriched with robust flavors as each item heightens each other to a humble meal. It is perfect to share with many people or for a family gathering. INGREDIENTS 4 Medium - Potatoes 1- Carrot 1 - Leek 1 lb - Smoked Salmon 7 Cups - Fish Broth 1 Cup - Cream 1 Pinch - Coriander 1 ½ Pinch - Salt 1 Pinch - Pepper ⅓ Cups - Dill DIRECTIONS Wash the potatoes before peeling them and dicing them into four cubes. You should have a total of sixteen by the end of that. Prep the carrot by peeling it and chopping them up and then the leek by thinly slicing it. Add to one iron pot the fish broth, salt, pepper, and the chopped vegetables. Bring it to a boil and let it simmer for fifteen minutes before testing the potatoes with a fork or knife. If it is soft enough then lower the heat and add the cream and cut up the smoked salmon into chunky bits. Stir it all together and let it cook for an additional fifteen minutes to let the flavors marry. Finish off with the dill on top while serving. This is paired well with red wine and a day’s old bread. SOSEKJØTT is a comforting dish with chunks of beef married with onions and bay leaf that is usually paired up with spring mashed potatoes, boiled potatoes, vegetables, or even lingonberry sauce. It is meant to be a comforting type of food that not only gives you a full belly, but also fills your soul. Perfect to fight off those chilly nights. INGREDIENTS 2.2 lbs - Shoulder Steak 1 Large - Onion 6 Large Spoons - Butter 5 Large Spoons - Flour 4 Cups - Beef Stock 1- Bay Leaf 1 ½ Pinch - Salt and Pepper DIRECTIONS Cut the steaks into bite sized chunks and prepare a cast iron pot with a spoon of butter and medium heat. Season well with the salt and pepper as the butter melts. Once it is bubbling, add the meat in batches to brown on every side. Use more butter as needed to make sure the meat doesn’t stick to the pot. Once done, remove the meat and place it onto a plate near the stove to rest and keep warm. In the same pot add the six large spoons of butter into the pot and once melted add the flour. Whisk it well to avoid burning it. The darker the mixture is the darker the stew will be. Then slowly add the beef stock in small batches whisking to combine it all. Add the meat back into the mixture and cut the onion into wedges only to add that as well with the bay leaf. Bring the mixture to a simmer and place the lid onto the pot letting it cook for two hours. Once the meat is tender after, remove the lid and let it simmer for thirty minutes more. While doing this you can prepare your side dish of choice. At the end you are left with a thick meat stew you and your family can enjoy. CABBAGE ROLLS are made with fatty types of meats whether it is pork, beef, or lamb depending on the time of the year. This is usually paired with a gravy and lingonberry jam which is traditional with the sides of mashed potatoes and cucumber salad. It is a comforting type of food that can be made year round with savory notes of flavor that anyone can enjoy. INGREDIENTS Cabbage Rolls 1.1 lb. - pork neck 1 small spoon - salt ½ small spoon - pepper ½ small spoon - nutmeg 2 small spoon - grated ginger 1 cup - milk 2 - Egg whites ¼ Cup - cauliflower, cut in pea sized pieces 1 large spoon - chopped parsley 6 - big cabbage leaves, boiled for 2 minutes DIRECTIONS Choose the meat with the most fat and mince it. It is important that the meat and milk is cold and hasn't been previously frozen. Use a mortar and pestle to grind the meat with the salt, pepper, nutmeg, and ginger into a sticky farce. Then transport it to a bowl and slowly add the egg whites with the milk until combined and fold in the cauliflower. Divide the mixture into six onto the cabbage leaves and fold the leaves into a roll. Put it into a cast iron pot with a half of a cup of water and cover with the lid to cook for forty minutes in the oven. CONDIMENTS BROWN SAUCE INGREDIENTS 1 ½ Cups - Beef Stock ½ Cup - Cream 1 Small Spoon - Butter 3 Pinches - Flour DIRECTIONS In a saucepan add the beef stock and bring it into a simmer then slowly add the butter to incorporate until it melts and the flour. Whisk thoroughly to make sure there are no clumps and then add the enriched cream slowly so as to not scald it. Whisk to combine it fully and let it thicken up slightly. Once done, set it to the side to cool off. LINGONBERRY JAM INGREDIENTS ½ Cups - Fresh Lingonberries ½ Small Spoon - Water ½ Cup - Sugar DIRECTIONS In an iron pan add the sugar and water in medium heat and until the sugar dissolves. Add the lingonberries and incorporate it well with the syrup. It is okay to smash some of the berries, but cook them until soft. DESSERTS LINGONBERRY CURD is something that is close to my heart personally. It is perfect for cake fillings and in pies too. Also perfect for any other sweets you'd like or even by itself. It gives off a citrus taste with it also not being too sweet. INGREDIENTS ½ Sheet - Gelatin 1 ½ Cups - Frozen Lingonberries 1 Cup - Sugar 2 eggs + 1 Egg Yolk ⅔ Cup - Butter, Diced DIRECTIONS To start off, place the sheet of gelatin into a bowl of cold water. Let it sit to the side to soften and gather your berries into a mortar and with the pestle crush the berries into a puree and put them into a saucepan. Add the sugar to the pan and heat it up to medium heat until the sugar dissolves, make sure to stir as to not burn the berries or the sugar. In another bowl pour the eggs into it and whisk until incorporated properly and then slowly pour the lingonberry over the eggs while stirring as to not over cook the eggs. You want it to be a completely smooth curd so you may have to use a sieve. Pour the mixture back into the saucepan and onto the heat. Stir until you notice it is thickening. Once thickened, pour it back into the bowl and add the gelatin and stir until dissolved. Let it cool off to about the temperature to melt butter. Add the butter bit by bit and stir it into the curd until completely melted. Keep this in a cool enclosed area and it should last about a week. BUTTERCAKE is almost as much butter to flour and it has the consistency of a sugar cookie, but also in the form of a cake. This cake is perfect with some coffee or tea with a side of lingonberry curd. This recipe is made differently than normal by adding zest and orange extract. INGREDIENTS 1 Cup - Butter, softened 1 Cup - Sugar 1 - Egg, Room Temperature 1 Small Spoon - Vanilla Extract 1 Small Spoon - Orange Extract 2 1/3 Cups - Flour 1/4 Small Spoon - Salt EGG WASH: 1 - Egg 1 Small Spoon - Water DIRECTIONS Start by heating the oven and butter a shallow cake pan and place baking paper to line the whole pan. Whisk the butter and sugar together until light and fluffy and add the egg into the mix until combined. Lastly mix the flour, salt, and orange zest with extracts until the dough becomes thick like a cookie dough. Transfer the dough into the prepared pan, and spread evenly. The trick for that is to use baking paper to smooth it out by hand. Once done add the egg wash and add the cross hatch markings with a fork. Bake the cake for thirty minutes or until the wooden pick inserted in the middle of the cake comes out clean. Let it cool and enjoy. RØMMEGRØT is a pudding that is eaten usually for the holidays but can be enjoyed whenever. It is a comforting side dish that can be served with crackers and some milk or can be topped with cinnamon sugar and some melted butter. INGREDIENTS 4 Cups - Milk ¾ Cup - Flour ¼ Cup - Sugar ⅛ Small Spoon - Salt ½ Cup - Salted Butter, Plus More for Serving Cinnamon Sugar DIRECTIONS Using a large saucepan with medium heat, pour in the milk and stir it so often as to not burn it. While the milk is heating up, gather a bowl and whisk up the flour, sugar, and salt to set aside and prepare the butter in a small saucepan to melt, after that turn off the heat. Don't forget to check on the milk while doing this. Once the milk warms up below a simmer, add the flour mixture and butter to combine into a thick paste. Then stir constantly until the milk mixture boils. Once it does take it off the heat and let it cool for about five minutes only to stir often. Gather some bowls and serve with melted butter and cinnamon sugar. The more the better! DRINKS EGG COFFEE is a special way to drink coffee. It is smooth and creamy, often perfect for a dessert drink or even a morning brew for a special occasion. It is simple and you can add as much sugar to your liking. INGREDIENTS 4½ Quarts - Cold Fresh Water 1½ Cups - Coffee Grinds 1 - Egg White ½ Cup - Cold Fresh Water As much sugar to your liking DIRECTIONS In a deep pot pour in 4 1⁄2 quarts of water and bring that to a boil. Add the coffee grinds along with the egg whites and shell into a mixing bowl to combine into a thick grainy paste. Add it to the boiling water and continue boiling. After it is done brewing, remove from the heat and let it cool off for a few minutes and slowly add half of a cup of cold water to settle the grounds. Strain and serve in large mugs. GLØGG or mulled wine is a lovely warm surprise. It is a spiced wine that is packed with a lot of flavor giving off a holiday taste though can be drinked throughout the year. It is often served with dessert with a cinnamon stick, oranges, raisins, and all the goodies inside of the mixture. INGREDIENTS 1 ½ Cups Aquavit ½ Cup Raisins 8 Dried Figs, Quartered 3 Cinnamon Sticks 10 Green Cardamom Pods 2 Small Spoons - Whole Cloves 1 Star Anise 2 - Oranges, Sliced 1 Bottle Dry Red Wine 2 Small Spoons - Sugar ¼ Cup - Blanched Almonds DIRECTIONS In a large jar add the spices, fruits, almonds, and aquavit and close the lid. Store it for twelve hours stirring occasionally. Then in a medium sized saucepan add the wine, sugar, and the jar mixture to it and bring it to a very low heat on the stove. Don't let it boil or simmer as that would cook off the alcohol. Do this for a half of an hour or so and serve warm. ENDING NOTES With this being the conclusion of my first cookbook, I have decided to pen additional recipes in the future with more challenges and more stories to come with each dish. My Coming-of-Age Trial has become, through the experience, my cornerstone of cooking and baking. I wish to thank and bless the Spirit of Mira Warnek-Colborn for being my inspiration. Thank you for reading. I hope others try out these dishes for themselves and enjoy them, and they are encouraged to direct any concerns my way. SKRALI VOR GUD, Her Ladyship, Marija Odilia Colborn Her Ladyship, Anabel Elia Colborn, Keeper of the Book, Scribe of the House of Colborn
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VAMPIRISM CURED! 14 MENSIS TOBIALIS 2A59 TO THE ESTEEMED DESCENDANTS OF ALMARIS, The Brother Lectors of Kaer'Lassar are pleased to inform that the clinical trials for ST. HUMBERT'S QUINTESSENCE have been a success. VAMPIRISM HAS A CURE! The Flaming Covenant has dispatched its riders to deliver the alchemical recipe and procedure to every Nation, Settlement and Virtuous Guild. The Brother Lectors shall also provide the cure, and the recipe, to any who make pilgrimage to the Temple of Kaer'Lassar. Let it be known that this is a blessed endeavor and that we Lectors do not seek a price for the knowledge. The identity of the individual cured shall remain anonymous as to not slander their name. The Lectorate extends its gratitude to the following individuals: Doctor Primrose Gendik, for providing the blood necessary for the Human cure. Lhoris the Wanderer, for providing the blood necessary for the Elven cure. The Fisher King Ahng'Lur, for providing the blood necessary for the Orkish cure. The Honorable Garrond Frostbeard, for providing the blood necessary for the Dwarven cure. Lord Quentin Brae, for graciously researching and providing the medical procedure. May the world know this process as "Brae'ing". DEUS MAGNUS, The Flaming Covenant
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[!] Some odd twenty years ago, a certain William met his long-term lover, who happened to be an elf. This is when he discovered that elven ears can be "flopped". Being the ultimate troll that he is, he eventually "conducted research" and wrote an "educational book about it. Here are its contents, please enjoy... The Art Of Flopping Ears A Study Of Elven Ears As Written by Ser William Buckfort I write to share my studies with the world, as an educated scholar and philosopher. I have spent over 20 years of my life studying this phenomenon- the flopping of elf ears. All my sources are drawn from first hand experiences, both heavenly and harrowing. [!] Examples of elven ears are sketched here. How To Flop Elf Ears? Flopping ears is a simple task. It may seem complicated or even intimidating at first, but fear not; it is completely safe and natural in most cases. When God created elves, he gifted them with pointy ears, akin to that of some dogs. Long, pointy ears give elves a better sense of directional hearing and puts them on constant alert. Elves are a most primeval race with feral instincts capable of most wild beasts such as wolves or foxes. This helps them survive better in the wilderness- I estimate that an average elf has roughly a 10% higher rate of survival compared to an average human, excluding highlanders who are natural survivalists. How to flop: 1- Approach your elf slowly while calling them to you. “Pspspspsps” is universal, though you can personalize your call. It is a process of trial an error. Test out what your elf responds to. In the case of my main specimen, Arazo, I find “Ararararara” works best. 2- Comfort and reassure your elf. Talk to your elf in a soft and comforting tone, assure them no harm will come their way. Flopping of ears may be a stressful experience for some elves as their ears are sensitive to touch. This is similar to a cat’s belly- the elf’s fight or flight instincts may kick in. For deaf or daft elves, physical touch may be a better alternative; stroke your elf’s scalp and the base of their ears. 3- Flop! Once you’ve approached your elf and they have accepted your presence, it is time to figure out what sort of flop you will use. There are many types of ear-flopping techniques; -Standard Flop The standard flop is the simplest technique. If this is your first time flopping, this should be the one you start with. Simply push the elf’s ears down and swiftly lift your hands back up. -”The Chivalric” Flop, also known as “The Lance” or “The Lancer” flop. This flop is done using your index fingers. Press the tips of your fingers against the tips of the elf’s ears and gently push down, pulling the fingers towards yourself as you release. -The “Bear Trap” flop This should be reserved for more aggressive elves who you fear may snap. Press your palms against the elf’s cheeks and hook your thumbs over the base of the elf’s ear. Maintain eye-contact with the elf and say “I am the alpha elf” in a stern tone as you push their ear down. 4- Treat your elf. Make your elf associate ear flopping with a positive experience. Give your elf a treat that they like. In the case of my primary specimen, I find that Carrion Black works wonders. If your elf is hesitant about being flopped, bribe them with the treat beforehand and flop while they are distracted. Psychology of Ear Flopping As mentioned before, an elf’s ear is sensitive. Their hearing is their primary way of communication and thus they feel a natural sense of defensiveness when it comes to their elongated ears. It is important to handle an elven ear with care. Tugging, pulling and flicking should only be used as a form of punishment, accompanied with a stern “EY!” or calling the elf’s name. For example; Say you have just flopped your elf’s ear and awarded them with a mug of Carrion. If the elf reaches for the whole bottle, an appropriate course of action is to give the ear a firm tug and hiss out the elf’s name. Hurting an elf’s ear may lead to a loss of trust- the trust you have built up over the ears. Approaching the elf in a wrong manner when it comes to flopping will not only permanently damage your relationship but may prevent the elf from letting themselves be flopped in the future. The experience can be confusing or disorienting for most elves. Some may even find it distressing should they be a stranger to human contact. Keep in mind some elves have been raised in forests and groves away from sophisticated societies, meaning that their norms are very different to that of a common house elf. If the elf is taught to associate being flopped with a positive thing, it may even approach you and ask for flops, though this is only a theory. Alas, even with my closest specimen, this has not happened yet. Reactions to Flopping There are three categories for how an elf reacts to a flopping; Friendly, Neutral and Hostile. We will briefly discuss each one: Friendly: This is a reaction oft times received from elves which have been already tamed and formed a positive relationship with you. A friendly reaction oft times consists of a chuckle or a smile. In rare cases, the elf will flop its ears on its own after the encounter. Neutral: This is the most common reaction you will receive. Elves who do not have a bond with tend to act confused and disoriented. They will blink, tilt their heads or ask “Why do you do these things, William?”. Hostile: In all my years of ear-flopping, I have only encountered this behaviour once. Elves seldom react in a hostile manner when flopped. In my case, the elf I have flopped has had a negative experience with me years prior to the flopping. A hostile reaction often consists of smacking the flopper’s hands away. How do you get friendly reactions? Easy! Just follow the following steps: 1- Get to know your elf! Try to learn what your elf does and doesn’t like. Use this to your advantage when flopping, by either treating them to their likes or letting them hear what they like to hear. 2- Spend time with your elf! Every elf is different and likes to do different things. You can take your elf out on a walk or relax by the fire. Your elf will see you as a part of the pack and feel comfortable with your presence overtime. 3- Let your elf know you won’t hurt them. Most elves rely on their instincts for survival as their cortex isn’t as developed as that of a human. An elf may see you as a threat if you cause them harm. 4- Feed your elf. Make sure your elf understands that YOU’RE their provider. This can be done by holding the elf’s food and making them wait for it. Sources Arazo Buckfort (Friendly) Estella Buckfort (Friendly) Nesrin Galanodel (Friendly) Kaya Uulthlini (Friendly) Gawain Buckfort (Neutral) Galahad Buckfort (Neutral) Samantha Buckfort (Neutral) Eliza Raven-Sentinel (Neutral) Brawly Scath (Neutral) Todarian (Neutral) Ser Kryst (Neutral) Peralien Maevisal (Neutral) Seraphite Viradiraar (Hostile) Deaf Pink-Haired Lesbianite With a Peg-Leg (Inconclusive) Coral Redfist (Inconclusive)
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Beneath the Bark - An Anthropological Study of Wood Elves ____ By Krenanteon Stolt’aroloth ____ Forward “To study the world is the joy of living.” Those are the words of yours truly, the renowned writer and intellectual Krenanteon Stolt’aroloth. While the pursuit of knowledge, both deep and near, is my goal within this strange mortal coil, there is one topic which has always fascinated me beyond all. Since my days as a small icicle, the nature of the primitive wood elf filled my cranium with bountiful curiosity. Thus, five years ago I decided to finally study these puzzling creatures in a depth that previously lay undiscovered by outsiders of their culture. Living among the wood elves and deeply immersing myself within their habitat, I observed them closely. What follows are my findings. Physiology The wood elf is a “creature” whose name is apt. Born from seed, these nymphs of the forest bloom under the supple teat of the sun, relying on the blue milk of the earth to blossom away from the muck in which they were implanted. This development process of the Mali’ame, however, like that of most primitive beings, is a slow one. It begins with the growth of seed within a male ‘ame’s hair. Each spring, there is a chance of such phenomena occurring. However, being (debatably) of the mali taxonomy, and so cursed with infertility, this phenomena is one that is exceedingly rare. If, by slim chance, a wood elf of the male variety does find an earthy kernel within his plumage, he treats it with care until reaching a ripened white state. This is a crucial stage that often ends in catastrophe, given the reckless demeanor of the male wood elf. Although, once in a green moon, the seed is not treated haphazardly and is able to ripen. When this occurs, the male plucks the pearl from its brown, keratinous branch and begins his search for a suitable “mate”. If a female is willing, she takes the seed and places it in her belly button. The seed then sits in this cavern for a number of days, given a regular watering from its new host until it finally germinates. Once the initial sprouting has started, the seed is fished out of the belly button and is brought to a suitable place in the soil. Typically, wood elven parents elect to plant their seed within their home garden. It is here that the final, and longest, stage of their development occurs. Growing in the dirt, the mother and father care for the seedling, giving it ample water and sunlight. Through such gentle nurture, they sprout what the layman would define as elven features. After many months, pointy ears, pointy faces, and all manner of limbs bud from their spriggy stem, coming to resemble the typical wood elven form that we all know. But what lies within this elvenoid exterior that we claim to know? While many a critter of the realm gain their vitality through the thick red ichor most commonly referred to as “blood,” the same cannot be said of our woodland “kin.” Like all trees born of seed and dirt, the wood elf is composed of wood. This, however, does not mean that he or she is less vulnerable. They too contain bits on the inside that need to stay on the inside. Planty fibers drive their movements and organs of cellulose maintain a natural order within their husk. However, none of these internals can function without the life-giving sap that runs through their bodies. This sweet, viscous syrup pools through the spongy mesophyll, pumping in and out of their vital sacs, making the bodies function (application of this syrup upon breakfast cakes is at the reader's own discretion). As it must fill all areas of their form, the sap flows close to the surface of the wood elf, allowing them to be easily tapped. Much like blood, loss of this syrup proves catastrophic to the wood elf, leading to a quick death. Thus, the vitality of the wood elf is balanced on the edge of a knife by this arguably delectable fluid. Behavior Being a creature of wood and bark, the Mali’ame is highly susceptible to most types of damage. Sharp and pointy objects like swords and axes cleave easily through their oaken flesh. This is commonly demonstrated by the lumbermen of the forest. Moreover, if not properly hydrated, the wood elf is highly flammable, able to combust in seconds when in the close presence of fire (See appendices for data). For these reasons, the wood elf has a deep and innate sense of cowardice which compels him or her to nearly always run away from a fight. However, this is not always possible. At times, a woodland sprite may have no choice, and in deep internal conflict with its own nature, it must engage in battle. Given that loss of bodily fluids is a concern, it is starkly important that animals have the ability to defend themselves. The elves of the trees, however, are composed of dense, woody fibers that are stiff and difficult to move. Thus, they are neither agile nor quick on their feet, holding a significant disadvantage on the battlefield as a result. While this dense limb composition may allow them to lift a weapon with relative ease, the stiffness of their woody tissue does not allow them to move the blade effectively. For this reason, a wood elf will never engage in a duel with another race of mali, choosing only to fight in great numbers to make up for their significant lack of skill. Similarly, the weak physical makeup of the wood elf has resulted in the development of a constant state of hiding. These wood nymphs lock themselves away in shambling villages barricaded by mountains and trees, keeping their gates under lock and key at all times due to their constant fear of the vastly superior beings of the continent. This cowardly and distrustful behavior, however, has seemingly made them a bigger, and more sporting, target for said beings. Religion and Druidism In terms of religious affairs, the ‘ame people worship a grouping of fictitious and blasphemous “gods” known as the Aspects. In the name of these false idols, they carve large wooden statues and conduct strange rites atop tall hills. Strangely, despite the wood elves’ innate weakness to flame, part of these rites involves the construction of large pyres in which to dance around in a primal fashion. In groups, they skip and bound in circles round the fire, chanting strange phrases. While in Elvenesse, I witnessed several ‘ame perish to these fires amidst their dance rituals, and it remains unclear as to whether this is an intentional (albeit in vain given the falsities of their “gods”) sacrifice, or whether they simply jigged too near to the flames. A foolish move for a foolish people. The worship of these so-called gods holds close ties to a heathen magical practice known most commonly as “Druidism.” These druids adopt the primal rites of the Aspects in the use of heretical ceremonies as a means of conjuring magics, hexes, jinxes, obeahs, voodoos, hoodoos, snoodoos, and the like. Given the falsity of their deities, the enchantments of such wiccans are likely little more than parlour tricks. However, the intent of any magical rite or incantation is a foul thing that breeds foul things. Thus, caution should be warranted around those that practice such depravities. Language While today it is true that these “elves” speak the same tongue as their “fellow” mali, through careful and stunningly accurate observation, it became inescapably evident that there is more. Before adopting the dialect of higher beings, the Mali’ame developed a form of speaking that was entirely their own. After months of deep immersion into their twiggen culture, I began to see flickers and glimpses of this communication, which can only be described here as primitive, insulting, and a bit rhombus. Hiding from the cover of the scratchy underbrush, I was fortunate enough to witness an “interaction” between two “elves” of the woodland complexion, the like of which I doubt has been seen by a more advanced creature for thousands of years. What I witnessed appeared to be an exchange of odd, guttural grunts that were highly offensive to the ear. It was not for many moments until it became apparent that these grunts actually held some form of “meaning” behind them. Not only that, but the language seemed to stem beyond mere throated yarps, and in fact, included motions of the hands and feet. Strange combinations of tapping, kicking, and crossing of limbs seemed to coincide with brash facial emotions, in tide with specific grunts and gurgles from deep within their woodpipes. An oral/visual language form! I have taken to calling it “barking.” What follows are interpretative meanings of the observed expressions: Hello: “Hgurgh!” + wave Goodbye: “Ggurgh!” + wave Yes: “Ygurgh!” + nodding + clapping hands No: “Ngurgh!” + shaking head violently + stomping + optional slapping of peer Tree: “Tgurgh!” + wide eyes + waving of both hands up + widened stance Leaf: “Lgurgh!” + wiggly fingers tapping forearm Fruit: “Fgurgh!” + Salivation + Enclosed fists clanking together Banana: “Bgurgh!” + look of excitement + wide eyes + pounding chest Appendix I. Wood Elven “Tapping” - Tree taps were inserted into the bark of 5 wood elven subjects - Only half inch tap was required to gain adequate sap flow - Average of 10 minutes to drain all sap - Average of 11 pints measured II. Wood Elven Flammability Tests: Quality Control: (All torches were of the same heat and placed to the same region of the wood elf’s body) Wood Elf Time to Ignition Tree log Time to Ignition Subject 1 6 seconds Log 1 4 seconds Subject 2 5 seconds Log 2 5 seconds Subject 3 2 seconds Log 3 3 seconds Subject 4 5 seconds Log 4 6 seconds Subject 5 3 seconds Log 5 5 seconds III. Wood Elven Growth Rate & Protocol Quality Control: (All seedlings were harvested from the branches of the same ‘ame) 1) Harvest seedling from male ‘ame hair branch 2) Implant into female ‘ame belly button - Check for germination progression each day and water regularly - Average Germination Time: 2-3 days 3) Remove from belly button and plant in warm, moist soil (long term) - First sprouting after 2 weeks - Should see healthy growth for many months - First sign of ears: inconclusive IV. Stolt’aroloth Breakfast Cake Recipe Ingredients - 2 Greet eggs - ¼ cup of caribou milk - ½ cup water (melted from Fennic ice) - 1 cup flour (finely sifted) - 3 Tbsp melted butter (pasteurized from caribou milk) - Dash of vanilla extract - Sprinkle of zested cactus hide Directions 1. Mix all ingredients into a large bowl. 2. Per cake, pour 1 cup mixture into an omelette pan. 3. Let each cake cook for 1 minute. 4. Serve. 5. Application of freshly tapped syrup recommended.
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Saint Harald Vuiller. The patron St of Priest combatants & Demonic banishment. Born on the First of the amber cold 1699. Dead at the Sixteenth of the Amber Cold 1760. Father Harald Vuiller cirka 1756. The Life of Father Harald Vuiller Harald Vuiller was born on the first of the Amber Cold to Alf & Johanna Vuiller in 1699 in the city of New Reza while his mother and father were on a business trip to the city to buy supplies for their keep and the land around it. He was the firstborn from a group of siblings of three. Harald, Auriann, and Lukas Vuiller. As the firstborn Harald was the heir of House Vuiller and to the family lands but when he chose at the age of 14 to join the army and travel the realm of Godan serving the armies of man. It was during these years that Harald picked up an interest in becoming a Priest and Bishop. He would at every new town and city they went to join the people in prayer in their churches and temples. His family had always been close to the church and followed the laws of the Scrolls and it was from this he chose that any man who fell in battle either at his own side or at the side of the enemy should be given a proper burial. he would spend countless hours after each battle tending to the bodies of the dead making sure they would get the burial they deserved. while on the road or awaiting battle he would spend his time making wooden or stone crosses that he would place on the chest of the dead as he placed them to their final rest. At the start of his time in the army his comrades would chuckle and joke about his actions as he would move countless bodies from the battle ground and digging individual graves from them. But after a heafty battle where they had lost over half of their men Harald was asked to host a prayer for their fallen brothers as their souls traveled to the seven skies. It was after this he was given the nickname of “the Battle Bishop.” After serving in the army for close to 16 years Harald would get a letter from his younger sister Auriann about the passing of both of their parents. He would be granted a leave from his duty in the army i fought for and set sail back to Arcas to join his family in morning his wife who he married just 4 years earlier joined him as well after being let of her duty. On their way to the Vuiller keep they went through New Reza Harald was filled with joy seeing how the city and its people had recovered after the battle of the Rat King. After the burial of their parents Harald would spend some months with his family in their family land before leaving for New Reza joining the Brotherhood of St. Karl but as he entered the city he would be surrounded by the soldiers he wished to join not understanding what had happened or why they would surround him. after getting attacked by the five men he would be dragged out of the city and thrown on the ground outside the gates getting told “We do niet wish for your kind here Vuiller!” without understanding nor knowing why he had been removed from the city he had early in his years helped to defend he would finally get his answers from a member of the Brotherhood and the Chaplain at the time Jacques De Beaumont who would inform him that his sister had been accused of witchcraft. Hearing these words Harald would sit down outside the city walls looking over to the River Rubern asking Godan for guidance. a vision would come to him of a man wearing a white cloak whispering the tounge of Iblees. From these visions he would track the man down trying to break the curse that had been placed on his sister but it was already too late. as a letter would reach him informing him of the trial of Auriann Vuiller in New Reza. he would come there just in time for the sentence of the lord Palatine “Auriann Vuiller, you are found guilty of witchcraft and is sentenced to death by drowning!” as these words where uttered a tear would fall from Harald´s eyes as he saw his little sister being dragged out of court towards the docks of New Reza he would quickly follow them watching them as his sister was thrown in the waters with rocks binded to her feet, as her body went down in the dark waters he´d look to the ground as tears would stream down his face. But has he though all hope was over the guards would shout as they could see her swim away as they had forgotten to bind her hands and remove her knife. After this Harald would spend many years cleansing his family name as he joined the Brotherhood and quickly raised through the ranks and became the Chaplain of the Brotherhood. During these years Harald would also be Ordained by the man then known as Cardinal Boniface swearing to spend the rest of his days in the service of the church. Many years pass as Harald keeps on his mission to serve Godan a mission and promise he would keep until his final breath. During these years many great things would happen during his life, but also many sorrows. While he was out fighting in a battle with the Brotherhood of St. Karl his wife who was pregnant at the time would be kidnapped. no matter how many years he spent searching for her he would never see her again. After the loss of his wife and their children Harald would commit the rest of his living years to serving and studying the Holy Scrolls and to serve Godan. Living in New Reza as well as at his Family's keep he would use the money he had earned during his times at war to build and start a Orphanage in the city of New Reza while being active in service at the Brotherhood of Saint Karl taking part in the Voidal battles, and the war between the Holy Orenian Empire and AIS. Turing this war Harald also discovered a cult spreading through out Haense, reporting this to the Regent Tiberius, he kept his work in the shadows until he was finally able to remove the cult from the Kingdom he loved. when the time of war was finally over the city of New Reza would be indangered by a new treat as Demons would often attack the city. Harald a now old man but still in fighting spirit would take his part in fighting of these demons while using prayer, blessed weapons and exorcisms to remove the demons from Godans Terra. But one day a demon too strong even for the old priest would attack the city making fire rain from the sky using his voidal magic to attack the city and GOD´s noble flock. Harald would draw his sword from his cane running towards the demon attacking it as he shouted prayers to his brothers the demon would strike him making the old man fall to the ground before turing his hand towards him making the old priest float 15 feet in the air. The voidal magic would make Harald twist and turn in pain as his body would slowly turn to stone. as the magic had reached his neck he would still hold on to his golden cross shouting out “In GOD we trust as he shall bring our souls to the seven skies in eternal peace with his love!” This would be the final words of Father Harald Vuiller. As the magma still went around and inside Haralds body the demon would not be able take the attacks that stroke him after spending so much of his magic and energy on killing the priest. as a final blow was struck towards its head the demon would explode in a fire of magma that all would fly through Harald before his now stone body would fall towards the ground. Just before he would hit the ground being guaranteed to break into a million pices a beam of light would strike him making the body float over the ground. and this was the end of Father Harald Vuiller. or so we thought… Miracles “The Beam of light” As his body of stone would fall towards the ground a beam of light would strike the body making it float just before it would hit the ground saving it from breaking into a million pices. “The help of a fallen father” over twenty years after his passing during the time of need of the noble flock and after his old friends and family had prayed for guidance a shadowy figure would show to offer them guidance. This would be the soul of Father Harald Vuiller. after roaming God mortal realm for some time he would finally meet with his old friend High Pontiff James II. they spoke for hours about the seven skies and both agreed that God must have sent Harald down to the realm of the living to serve and do whatever he could to help in the battle against the Inferni. This work of information is taken from my fathers jernals over the years. the later part describing his death is from eye witnesses and the information given by people who where there. This has been written as a tribute to my father and our Saint Harald Vuiller. Singed~ Cardinal Johan Vuiller of Aquila, Horens Giant Knight-Regent of the Holy Order of the All-Saints Guard. Holy Sir Head of House Vuiller. Knight of the Black Sepulchre & Cardinal Judge Headmaster at the University of St. Sixtus Protector of the Church of the Canon and its faithful
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[!] A leather-bound tome sits upon the pedestal within Dwed-Corp’s shop, open for all to read. Khaz’ad Khotha: A Monograph on The Fortress of Chains and its Denizens. [!] Khaz’ad Khotha at its peak, A Fortress of ice and iron. Born of the early expeditions into Amaris’ frozen-wastes to its north, Khaz’ad Khotha was the home of four intrepid pioneers, only to be lost in the dunes of time, what happened to the grand stronghold of dwarven might in the time after its creation? Only the gods know for sure… Forged from the icy wastes by Aghuid Ireheart, Urist Ireheart, Morul Irongrinder, and Svuli Metalfist, Khaz’ad Khotha was a sight to behold, located in a cavern of Permafrost and held up by massive chains of wrought iron, Khaz’ad Khotha was a fortress hanging in mid-air, its denizens having dug housing and storage rooms within the cavern walls when the floating rooms were close to the edges of the crevasse. Things were peaceful for a time, the four Dwedmar carving out the fortress one chain at a time, that is until the beasts of the north took offense to the grandness of the structure. three sabertooth tigers would have attacked the Dwed, their walls being half-built, in a glorious battle, the Irehearts bringing axe and spear to the beasts, as Morul would cast a blazing spectacle of voidal flame, distracting the beasts as the mighty dwed had them slain where they stood, a nice stew was later prepared from the beasts, it warming the hearts of the icy fortresses denizens, soon a yeti body would fall into the cavern, its body turned to mush by the fall, a gift from the gods thought the dwed, them carefully hooking the body and and lifting it back to the kitchen, though it seemed to have angered the local human explorers who set up camp near by the mighty fortress, they claimed that they risked tooth and nail to slay said yeti, but the Dwedmar had no time for their shenanigans, it died on their property, thus its theirs to own, simple as that. The Yeti was later cooked into a piping hot pie fit for a king! And with that, the Denizens lived happily for a time, before returning to aid in the evacuation of Arcas. When the four once more set foot on Almaris, they almost instantly went to look for their hold to reclaim, only to find it gone, no traces of it within the vast frozen tundra… over 3 years went by as the four looked and looked, almost every month did they trek to the icy wastes in search of their former home, that is until Urist found it, a cave identical in every single way to Khaz’ad Khotha, yet, it had no buildings, not even a ruin remained, after showing Morul, they both agreed that some sort of magical or divine power erased the fortress from its cave, never to be seen again… Morul later purchased an old abandoned tower on the edges of dwarven land, naming it the small starting site of a fortress named after its icy predecessor, and in its center sits The Obelisk of Anoros, May Khaz’ad Khotha rise once more! Narvak Oz Khaz’ad Khotha! Narvak Oz Urguan! [Written by Morul Irongrinder: Year four of the second age]