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A hei-zhu stood resolute at the bow of the weathered vessel, its amber eyes fixed on the distant horizon. It had embarked on a perilous voyage from the Oyashiman isle of Ihon to the continent Aevos, a land uttered only in whisper. It, supposedly, was now the place of Descendantkind – a new start – and so the Hou left the land of a thousand unmourned, if not to look for remnant kin, to escape a century of servitude and hate. As the ship plowed through the churning waters, the sky unleashed its fury with blinding lightning and deafening thunder. The crew, a ragtag group of outcasts & dishonored not unlike the Hou-zi, clung desperately to the rigging, their faces etched with woe and fear. Yokai, the malevolent demons of Oyashima and those wretched souls bound to them, seemed drawn to the tumultuous sea, their eerie forms emerging from the frothy depths with great talons and ugly, sneering faces – but the ship drew on, besting ragged sea and violent wave, running down the seabound darkspawn as they found them. Huo Wukong, the Ape was called, was certain the voyage was a test of its will, a battle against the elements, death, and the very apparitions of the world. As the ship pitched and rolled in the relentless tempest, its spirit remained unbroken, its eyes fixed on the distant promise of a new beginning. Prayers to the kami, Goro-Goro ごろ頃, were had – desperate prayers. Incense smoke filled the chambers of the ship. And, perhaps by that Dragon Kami’s will, did the vagabond crew at last reach shore … Yet, even once having bested the Great Storm and reaching Aevos, a nagging feeling never left it like it had left Oyashima. A treacherous place Ihon was, it was all the Hei-zhu had ever known. And so it ventured to find Sakurakagure, sending a note in its stead; ________________________________________________________ “桜かぐれの人々 People of Sakurakagure I come to you from the motherland, Ihon. I have been indentured to the Tsuru no Gakkō 鶴の学校 for nigh a century, demons slain by my hand ranking in the hundreds. I have crossed bloodied oceans and bested sea-beasts plenty, through the wretched storm of Aevos and over mountains to roost at your doorstep. I come to your Honorable Shogunate in search of refuge amongst people of my same society, however … I am of Hou-zi descent. My name is Huo Wukong. Oyashima and its people are all I have known, nearly since birth. The terms of my servitude under those in Ihon I care not for, however cruel it had been – I simply regard it as my home. With this in mind, I come bearing barrels of consecrated salt of the shores of my land, alongside two freshly-slain Darkspawn of Undead and Demonic make. I pledge allegiance and nothing but it, if the Shogunate is gracious enough to accept it. With humility and respect, 太陽の目の猿.”

[!] A flier is stuck to every hub's board, alongside some of the larger settlements; it seems whoever circulated these missives must have truly been desperate. As you glance down the page, sections of masterful printmaking art and calligraphy grace your eyes, somewhat differing between each page. "你好, friends of Almaris; my name is Jiàn, and I send this letter out in great desperation. Long ago, I ventured off into the endless woods in search of purpose. I was confused, and terrified after descendant-kind was forced to flee the Arcas; and I realize, now, what I've done was a great dishonor to my kin. What you all may know as the Hou-zi are much more than wandering Ronin or frightful beasts -- we once ruled over Axios, and in the glory of my kind's Immortal King Hou-Shen did they bask. However, just as our old Empire was corrupted and sent into ruin by the Doombringer, Metzli, it seems he has once again come to bear his ugly fangs; and with a deft swipe, sent us back into scarcity. As I sit here writing this, my anger boils in my veins and woe claws at my heart. Should any of my Hou brethren exist, or those of the lost city Yong Ping, I beg of you all to write back; to show me I am not truly the last one left. I've secured a long-abandoned home on the outskirts of the forgotten bastion, and though it's certainly ... Rife with rats and pests, I'd be happy to house others here as well. 愿我们再次统治！为了侯神！ Huang Jiàn."

A leather-bound tome lies unattended. The pages are stark and clean, suggesting a recent publishing, or attempts at preservation. You pick it up, curious at the title- what are Long Pigs? The answer is likely not what you hoped. To Cook a Longpig Authored by Barbog, Grubgoth of the Iron’Uzg Translated by the Orcish Cultural Revival And Purity project (OCRAP) For too long, brothers and sisters of the Uruk-hai have been left in the dark by the master butchers and Grubgoths of Uruk society. Perhaps these were never meant to be left secret, or forgotten by the masses, but as times and traditions change, so too has our knowledge of the past. Whilst many brothers may still seek out and butcher the longpig like in days past, there is a distinct lack of etiquette about it, and the dishes prepared (if they can even be called such) featuring longpig are woefully inadequate at best, and a slap in the face of Glutros at worst. I shall do my part in redeeming my misguided brothers, sisters, and any who fancy a decent meal of the most coveted meat. TO BUTCHER A LONGPIG As we all know, there are many types of longpig in the world. From the gamey, lean cutlets of the Mali, to the chewy gristle notable in Dweddish meat. Each variety of longpig brings unique textures and exotic tastes to any dish, but all maintain similar anatomy- and thus, similar cuts. Below is a detailed sketch, drafted by a close friend and confidant- whom I paid in meals, of course! The following parts have been carefully labelled and separated on the drawing; Head, ears, jowl, snout, neck, blades, shoulders, hock, back-fat, arms, hands, ribs, flank, belly, loin, rump, lower hock, leg, shank, and feet. Please take careful note of abnormal, non-descendent races. As one might expect, the belching Wonk or the limber Hou-Zi will undoubtedly be cut differently, as their anatomy grows further from traditional longpig cuts. The Musin shan’t be more than a snack. TO MAKE A MEAL OF LONGPIG Whilst cooking the meat itself is none too dissimilar from a hock of lamb or pig belly, one must be careful when selecting your sides! Longpig has a very distinct tone, and, due to its exotic nature, should not be wasted on unfitting dishes. My personal recommendations are as follows: HUMAN - As time-tested-and-true as beef or pig itself. While certainly a cut above livestock, if not just for the hunt involved in procuring this meat, I personally feel that you have better options. Truly, Longpig is meant to be a rare delicacy, and the abundance of humans leave this rather paradoxical- and the tastes and textures themselves are certainly nothing to write home about. If you were to create a barbaric or uncultured dish, then human meat suits perfectly. Burgers and bacon, perhaps, but leave serving longpig before a king to the Mali or Kha. ELF - As much as they may protest when alive, when you get down to the fundamentals- the flesh itself- they’re really all quite similar. Indeed, the tender, gamey, supple meat of the Mali are among my favorite dishes. I cannot speak highly enough of the feasts I have turned the odd botanist or researcher into. Perhaps it is their natural femininity, or their inclination to bookish things, but elves have an unrivaled, juicy tenderness. The finest of red wines, and the most expensive, outlandish sides could never be enough to compete with the meat itself- but perhaps they may make it better by comparison. DWARF - As the stout, tough race toils hard in their mines and are born with muscles taut as stone, so too is this reflected in their meat. If you wish to cook evenly and deeply with this longpig (or shall we call them shortpig?) , then a good tenderizer and elbow grease is required. I can assure you, though, that they make a most excellent brisket if you do, and there is no better iteration of pulled longpig meat, than that painstakingly torn from the Dwed. HALFLING - While it wounds me as a friend of the Weefolk to have to record an entry that may be mistaken as encouraging their slaughter, I only do so in the highest regard as an objective chef. They are, as one may expect, quite similar to the flesh of the human that some allege they originate from. They have more ‘earthy’ notes to them, which some have suggested come from the divergence of ancestry. This pairs well with heady beers and hard liquors. Should you come across the meat of the half-men, I can only suggest one thing; avoid the feet. They are tough, covered in calluses many, many layers deep, and unlike shucking a clam, does not reward you with good grub. WONK - Their anatomy is, quite simply, repulsive to most casual consumers. Even the meat itself is slick and slimy, and the only cure is to char it into a brick- a cardinal sin that no true cook should ever commit. You have two options when it comes to the Wonk as longpig. You may either attempt to recreate certain seafood dishes with Wonk meat, leveraging that sliminess as one might the slippery raw squid, or slick watery vegetables. This, in my opinion, is the best choice for most of the Wonk’s body… except for their hock, leg, and shank. These are fatty and have a texture somewhere between soft fish and poultry. Best when sauteed and stewed! Fun fact: Wonk legs do not stiffen up as fast as most animals upon their demise, and may even twitch when heated up in cooking! HOU-ZI - An odd choice- and I say that proceeding the Wonk! Whilst there are similarities between the Hou-Zi, and races such as halflings and humans, they are an entirely different beast- No offense to Hou-Zi intended! Truly, they ought not be hunted for their meat, as it is rather bland and chewy in the most unpalatable way. Instead, the true delicacy of the Hou-Zi is in the mind… And I say that in the most physical sense. Chilled Hou-Zi brains. Do not question it, merely enjoy it. KHA - Whilst Kha are very few and far between these days, I would argue that only makes the already-exotic taste of the meat feel only that much more so! Truly, in days where Kha would roam our borders in droves, were days where the Ilzgûl blessed our civilizations. There is something so… utterly indescribably, in the juices of Kha meat. I cannot stress this enough- this meat NEEDS to be served rare, if not raw. Any dangers of undercooked meat are well worth the suffering when beer-basted Kha precedes it. MUSIN - Musin themselves have little meat, and are best served as a side of their own. However, should you find yourself with many little mouse-meals, you may find that they are best incorporated as half-dish. Meals such as a mushroom-and-musin kebab, or a chunky stew, would be a wonderful use for these little snacks. SEZZIKBEKK - While their bodies are quite unappealing at first glance, they hold much meat in their more ‘avian’ parts- the thighs, breast, and (on some specimens with less-twisted appendages), wing-meat. Whilst these may be used as a replacement for more common fowl, such as chicken or partridge, they truly shine when deep-fried. Indeed, while I find few things more delicious in this world than Krugtucky Fried Chicken, I have found their equal in Fried Sezzikbekk. TO PLATE A LONGPIG This will, of course, vary by the meat itself, and how you cook it. Humans, halflings, dwarves, and the like will be suitable as plain affairs- one would not be remiss to see human sliders on a plain ceramic tray, and for good reason. For more ‘exotic’ meats, then rest assured, I recommend firmly to play this up in their presentation. Sauteed wonk with a smooth Teriyaki sauce, Musin kebabs wrapped in palm leaves with carefully-threaded skewers connecting the cutlets, and Deep-Fried Sezzibekk stacked like a tower, with garlic powder and shredded kaktuz sprinkled from high above. All of these are presentations I have seen with my own eyes, and they never cease to entertain and enthrall even the most well-fed of critics. Go with your intuition here, but I must repeat from earlier; do not waste your longpig. The taking of a life is much more special here- a cow or chicken are penned and dumb, and the act of bringing one to your table is of absolutely no note. The battle that wins you a prime dish-to-be of longpig, however, means that the meat itself deserves a higher level of respect. Perhaps you may attempt to recreate aspects of that very battle in your plating, but at the very least it makes an entertaining story to share. AFTERWORD Whilst my advocacy for the consumption and proper preparation of longpig cannot be understated, I do not intend for this book to inspire my brothers and sisters to become butchers for the sake of sport. It is the very act of a well-fought battle that makes the meat taste that much more succulent, the comedy of serving a belly cut deep by your friend’s arrow, that is to truly ‘make the meal’. To turn them into common chattel is right-out. Livestock has grown complacent, boring, and dare I say, a turn-off to many chefs. Respect the intent behind serving longpig, by not abusing the source the Ilzgûl have so generously provided. They are the sustenance after a battle, not some simpering beast to be penned and bred for grub alone. But, above all else; Cook well, my friends. -Barbog

No More Monkeying Around The Rex paced up and down within his chambers, the glower of Krugmars great, beating sunlight glimmering through the slatternly window. It flickered across the room - a reminder to those who stood present of its occupancy; like a wild conflagration it danced and writhed and cast its black taint across the yellowed walls of the palace. Orgoth - the aforesaid Rex - was invested with a deep, underlying wroth - which was clearly ostensible in his gait - and eventually broke his trance of idle pacing and contemplation with a sigh, wherein he thereafter abruptly pivoted to meet his Targoth, Goj and Yazgurtan with a stern disposition. He opened his mouth to speak. But he stopped. And closed it. But then, he held it awry once again, this time granting his anger audible tangibility, “Firstly, we almost succumbed to the scourging pestilence of the Orenian horde, and we were cast out from our rightful home...” The triad that stood before the hulking Braduk all gave nods of approval as he administered his monologue, “...And then, we were once more threatened with cessation…” Orgoth shook his head and paused… but peculiarly gave a hoarse, concise chuckle, “Well, Oren’s backward plans bit them right in the ******* arse!” The three too laughed, “But now, we are faced with a coeval grievance… some ******* baboon men are living in OUR land, and taint it with their worship of Metzli and sordid doings!” The three looked at each other at the sudden outburst. Orgoth mellowed his tone somewhat and proceeded, “We must reclaim Zagbals jungle, but I am done trifling with peace, for that lead to my envoy being attacked. It is time for great WAGH, brothers.” Orgoth’s chin twitched as he concluded his statement. His gaze slowly examined the Uzg’s most powerful men, his eyes locking primarily upon the Yazgurtan, “Vagud, amass a fleet at any expense, take the builders and construct some if you must.” “Yes, Rex,” Said he, Vagud’Gorkil, a redskinned ork with eyes of a frugal yellow. The Rex’s stare, at a languid pace, honed in upon the second’s countenance, “Kuntklobbera, prepare the soldiers, ensure their Zults swing true.” “Yes, Rex,” Replied the Targoth, who - akin to Vagud - possessed a skin feverishly red, and eyes equally so - a fiery orange. Orgoth then looked to the third, “Gurak, take as many slaves as we can spare and sacrifice them to Enrohk, for we must be in his favour.” Gurak replied with a slow nod, “Yes, Rex.” His deep red eyes glinting in the invading rays of gold. Orgoth stood back, and waved a hand of dismissal. The others complied and they left hastily to fulfill their given tasks. Soon after, a massive fleet was borne before him of dwarvish and orcish transport ships. Wagh was on the horizon. WARCLAIM Tier Chosen (This cannot be changed after the first warclaim is held): 1 Type of battle: Skirmish Date And Time: 4PM EST, SAT 1st of April 2017 (No not a Prank) Side A: War Nation of Krugmar + Allies Side B: Hou-Zi Location and boundaries: Direct Area: https://gyazo.com/97d0648496ccb5186379a8bfa938d6bb Surrounding area of battlefield for reference to location: https://gyazo.com/8ef0f8c8467ea81b208a7f394fbfbe7d Terms of Victory Victory for the Attackers: All Hou-zi forces are killed or driven from the battlefield. Victory for the Defenders: All Orcish forces are killed or driven from the battlefield. Upon Victory For… Side A: The Warnation of Krugmar has the right to establish a siege camp outside the Houzi lands and may siege/pillage/take over the following week. Side B: The Warnation of Krugmar may not warclaim the Hou-zi for two weeks. Rules - No status switching. - All LoTC Rules - No one day alts or non rp allies - No TNT -Only the addition of sensible defenses that are moderator approved may be added. - If the Hou-zi does not attend, their lands are forfeit to the Warnation of Krugmar. - No New Hou-zi applicants after this post until the WC is over. -No Golden Apples