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  1. [!] A horrid poster sits nailed to the wooden board ahead of you. THERE'S A HOT SINGLE RICH WOMAN IN YOUR AREA! Lady Dowager, DAME VIKTORIYA I, ‘the Silver Drake’ Matriarch of House Tsecsar, Former Captain of the Imperial State Army, Knight of the Most Noble & Most Ancient Order of the Lion, Former Imperial Queen of Arms, Castellan of Heimisgarðr, ‘Allmother’ of the Eight Precepts, Úlfhéðnar of the Father, Et Cetera DAME VIKTORIYA I is in search of love! If you’re a human man searching for a woman with lots (lots!) of mina and eight children, she’s your gal! NAME: Viktoriya Vyacheslavovna DeNurem Tsecsar I D.O.B. [Date of Birth]: What’s a . . . DOB? Youth slang? The text is too small to see . . . I need my reading glasses. AGE: It’s rude to ask a lady such a question! I’m in my prime. OCCUPATION: Illegal substances vendor Alchemist HOBBIES include razing heathen (anti-GODAN!) villages, worshipping GODAN, potion-making, taking long walks on beaches, taking short walks in swamps, taking moderate walks in mountains, sleeping, dissection, hanging out in the suspicious alleyways of Providence, sleeping, and potion-making. APPEARANCE: [!] A single picture was attached . . . Drawn in some hideous ‘pixel-block’ fashion: CRITERIA: - Must be a human! - Must be a man. Preferably. - Please don’t be a cultist. I’ve had enough cultist husbands, I think. - Preferably alive. - Preferably mentally stable. That’s it. My standards are low. I’m desperate. WHAT YOU WILL RECEIVE - A very temperamental kind, old young woman with lots to offer. - Mina. - Possibly, a home. Dame Viktoriya tends to swing between homeless & not-homeless. - Lots of step-children. - Potions! - Did I mention . . . Mina? Should you be interested, send a bird! My response time may be slow, I am a working woman. Humbly, Dame Viktoriya
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