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  1. The Cobbler's Goblet, Issue V The Weefolk's Choice Herald This Week's News! The Dead Walk in Dunwen Blood Shed in Dunwen! A Sheriff’s 100th Candle The Dead Walk in Dunwen Written by Griff Peregrin An Illustration of the return of Jeannette Applebottom, by King Patches of Babblebrook. It was just a normal sleepover for Marrow Whistlewood and the other attendees of her gathering. Little did they know, the seance conducted by several partygoers would be much, much more successful than they could have predicted. Rising from their summoning circle was the deceased High Pumplar, Jeannette Applebottom, who died under mysterious circumstances decades prior. It seemed that, in their success, the sangria-drunk attendees had performed a successful seance upon High Pumplar Jeannette, thus tethering her to the mortal plane by way of what I will refer to as “The Wheatfield Gate”. Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worst. Many allegations about sangria urination were thrown around wildly, and eventually my own actions came back to bite me in the behind. After attempting to inform the ghastly Jeannette of her identity and the circumstances of her demise, I was tackled down by Magnolia Fiddleberry and Marrow herself. It seemed that, in my lack of foresight, I had inadvertently dredged up too much pain with the ghost, and thus forced her away. The village was furious with me, and rightly so. I have come to recognize the terrible nature of my actions, and the force behind the loss of such a valuable piece of history. I will try my hardest to track down this Jeannette Applebottom so that I may welcome her back into the fold of society, as well as learn from her life’s experiences. If the village shall forgive me for this, I would greatly appreciate it. I would also like to note the positive hosting of Marrow Whistlewood’s slumber party, as well as the presence of the UNCONTAMINATED sangria. I cannot stress how UNCONTAMINATED by any SUBSTANCES that sangria was. It was CLEAN, and UNTAMPERED. I hope you all can think of me as a proper journalist, whose work is not influenced by his own beliefs. In respect to this, I hope you all can view my work as uninfluenced, and not allow your opinion of me to get in the way of the truths of Dunwen. Blood Shed in Dunwen! Written by Griff Peregrin An illustration of Nemea and Peepaw Applebottom, by Bingo Bufferbottom. It was a normal day in Dunwen when blood was shed within the tavern. In a tangle of fists, swords and cruel words, Peepaw Applebottom (who has since relinquished his affiliation to the Peregrin family over unrelated matters), as well as Nemea, a valued honorary halfling and long-time friend of the Shire, were assaulted by the devilish Apollyon Snowell. As many of my dedicated readers will know, this Apollyon Snowell has dwelled within the village in her biggun house for many moons now, and is a known associate and ex-lover of fiendish dragons that attacked our village several pumpkin weeks ago. That is correct, dear readers, Apollyon Snowell has made love to dragons, and without so much as an apology. For years, Apollyon has been harbored illegally in Dunwen without undergoing any honorary trials whatsoever, which is and has always been customary of our people, as well as having been undergone by Nemea herself. This fact was, of course, covered up and forgotten under the threat of King Collingwood and his loyal lapdog, Breasal Nimblefoot (more about Nimblefoot in Article Three). Knowing bigguns, it is their nature to overstay their welcome, and this cannot be put into an example better than the case of Apollyon Snowell. Even after scapegoating all of our cultural traditions due to a suspicious friendship with the King, Apollyon could not resist the urge to physically assault Peepaw Applebottom in the tavern, forcing Nemea to come to his aid. The fight was eventually discovered by several concerned Musin, who made a noble attempt at diffusing the fight and getting Apollyon away from the pair as she battered them with blows from her biggun sword. After being medically attended to, there was a standstill in the village. The Sheriff, who was not present to diffuse the situation, took his sweet time prior to making a statement on what was to happen. Several eyewitness accounts saw Sheriff Nimblefoot in his burrow knitting a scarf for his wife, repeatedly asking if “the pie was ready”. Many suggest that Sheriff Nimblefoot has gone senile, which thus impeded his ability to reach a verdict. (More on that in Article Three). Eventually, it was decided that a trial was to be held, with the date still being tentative until the Sheriff can reach a decision. Although, folks, I wouldn’t hold your breath; it seems he’s elected to make a matching pair of socks for his new scarf. Ultimately, Dunwen must ask itself this: can we not only trust the bigguns who escape the honorary program and take advantage of our locals with violence, but can we also trust the government officials who have allowed this injustice to go unnoticed for so long? Only time will tell. A Sheriff’s 100th Candle Written by Griff Peregrin A quick illustration of the party, by Cap’n Tooke. This week, many in the village had the honor of celebrating the 100th anniversary of Sheriff Breasal Nimblefoot’s birth. Much merriment was had as visitors from practically every bloodline and creed assembled to honor this great adventurer and invaluable member to the halfling community. Many drinks were served, as well as games played, and a great celebration was reported by all attendees. Although, something seemed… off. One eyewitness reports having seen Breasal repeatedly doze off during the festivities. This witness also reports that Breasal often forgot where he was, or what was being celebrated, repeatedly asking others as to who’s birthday it was. Such is the melancholy of age. Breasal has been, without a doubt, a splendid Sheriff, having returned many of the old proper traditions back into the framework of the village. He has defeated many foes, and will no doubt have many songs sung of his greatness in battle for generations to come. But alas, there comes a day when a man must be content with his achievements and pass on the torch to another. Dunwen, I am afraid to say, but I believe that this marks the end of Sheriff Nimblefoot’s term of service. I think, if he is as wise as I have known him to be, he shall select a successor to ascend to the status of Deputy, and when he is ready, replace him as Sheriff upon his retirement. It is a sad remark, to be sure, but a necessary one. I hope to see changes being made in the near future. Who knows: perhaps one of YOU could become the new Sheriff? Stay Wise, Dunwen! Written by Griff Peregrin, Illustrations by Bingo Bufferbottom Published by the Peregrin Family
  2. Newspapers are spread throughout Aevos. They’re made of two sheets of cheap paper, simply stacked and folded together and yet they are surprisingly colorful, with doodles and familiar drawings! Could this be… no way! The return of Issue Azhty’H’Futh (XIX) — Azh’Kint’H’Azh’ty’H’Futh (CLIX) D.A. ORC POLITICS A Vampire in Orcgrimmar Many orcish readers might know Bug, the pale-green uruk. I myself have known him for a few years, and he has been, to me, like any other bruddah. However, recent Spook-testing by our Krimpgoth Gnarla’Vukh revealed that he was infected by the vampiric curse. He unfortunately resisted his arrest, wounding many orcs. For the safety of all those present, he was therefore killed. However, it seems that monks came by, and brought Bug back to life. Indeed, Elena of Joma, a friend and Paladin, told me that she found Bug “lying on the ground, covered in gore” in Lurin, “paralyzed from the neck down”; likely the result of a fight. Then, he accepted to be cured —though, admittedly, he did not have much of a choice. “He said he had been infected for… about 4 or 5 cactus weeks, so it was within the 12 year period one has before it’s too late to be cured.” she explained. “Descendants turn into vampires by consuming a vampire’s blood.” — “I’ve known some to have been forced to do so,” and according to her, in some cases, “the social stigma of being cursed and the difficulty in seeking help” can make it complicated to get cured. Some can be “under the eyes of a whole coven of vampires, and feel that their safety is threatened should they seek treatment.” Gnarla told me that Bug seemed genuinely confused, and distressed by the whole situation. She held similar assumptions, deeming that he was probably forced into his situation. Though I have not been able to get in touch with Bug to hear his version of the story, it therefore seems that he had no choice in this, and is not buurz himself. Regarding the prevention of future cases, Elena advised: “the main way to test if someone is a vampire is through testing their freshly cut wounds with salt. If it boils, then they’re a vampire.” — “Fangs and claws can be unseen, so they are no good way of finding out.” — “Refrain from travelling alone, as they often attack solitary wanderers… and if you suspect someone to be a vampire, do never confront them alone!” she insisted. FOREIGN AFFAIRS Wagh upon the Sand-Elves I should begin this article by stating that my heart is weighed in the following matters. Our elder Madoc’Lur is a friend to me, and I am a part of the Shaman Lodge; though not once has it bothered me in my duties as Shaman, Skriptgoth, Yargoth, or writer of the Kaktuz Weekli. Yet, I seek to uncover and speak the truth; may each of my words be a praise to Theruz. —Gharak'Yar One might say the conflict between orcs and Atemu-ta's kin dates back to the times of Rex Kybal’Akaal, over 4 cactus months ago. The lads, as they were known, lived in Krugmar, and were taught shamanic ways after becoming honorary orcs. Atemu-Ta, who recently spread extensive propaganda across the continent, claims he was mistreated back then. This could be true. Perhaps, he was treated like an orc, and strength was expected of him where he did not have it. An orc facing injustice doesn’t merely write, or speak of it; he fights, and removes it. Atemu-Ta, being incapable or perhaps refusing such boldness, proved to not be an orc. And so, he was no longer called an orc. He saw this as another injustice. Yet again, he refused to fight it; he did not defend his views, refused challenges and klomps, calling upon his own moral values. To refuse orcish ways in orcish land is to set oneself up for a beating. His sister, trying to protect him, entered a klomp he was losing to honour his principles. She was killed. To interrupt a klomp is to deny both fighters their honour. Destroyed by this, he left Krugmar. Orcs do not mind that elves be elves in elven lands. Atemu-Ta was clearly not an orc, and trying to join a Horde made for orcs was his mistake. Rex Grommash, who now rules upon the Hordelands, pardoned the enemies of the Horde upon accessing the throne. Yet, Atemu-Ta and his Rah’Mun people did not cut all his ties with orcs. Their shamans kept worshipping our spirits. I have witnessed their undoubtedly elvish ways in this art, when I tried to give his people a fair chance. I too, of course, felt sorry for the mourning pharaoh. Yet in their shrines I found our spirits twisted with untrue, elvish names. Old Blah, the language of the spirits, must only be used to speak truth; to speak wrong names is a travesty, a betrayal. It is the precise reason why this tongue is so closely guarded. But they did not only insult the spirits in their own land. They built a shrine on land which, as decided in the previous Southern Summit, belonged to the Qualasheen. This triggered a holy war. Motsham Madoc’Lur has been working on gathering the shamans to guard them from falling into the arms of buurz like they have in the past. Is it unfair to ask that shamans, keepers of our ways, hold an eye on each other? That they make sure none stray away? Another injustice upon Atemu-Ta, who clings to his absolute freedom. His inalienable right to turn buurz, perhaps. He has declared that Madoc’Lur’s attempt to keep shamans away from buurzdom in the Lodge is isfetian —that is to say, in their tongue, buurz. And so, with this final insult, the Iron Horde joined the Qualasheen in their war against the mad pharaoh. ORCISH CULTURE Spiritualism: Meet Addâgse The spirits are central to the orcish culture. They live in their respective realm, neatly separated from the mortal plane— we are told. And so I believed, until a few years ago, as I wandered the great deserts of Krugmar, a hundred miles away from any other descendant. So, I believed, until Addâgse wandered Aevos for a year, and my path met his. Addâgse, I think —for I could never understand the answers he gave to my questions— is the spirit of childhood and innocence. I could not, despite my attempts, determine who Addâgse was lesser under, but I did find that he carried a great deal of wisdom, and many secrets. “Please— You draw me a sheep!” Are the words I heard. I was somewhere, nowhere in the lonely and harsh desert. Yet, he was there. He looked like an extraordinary halfling, with locks of gold and wearing a long, green robe. He had tiny glistening eyes that seemed to look deeply into my being, through my soul, probing my very existence. “Please— You draw me a sheep!” He called again. And I had to comply, for one does not refuse a quest bestowed by the spirits, no matter how measly or seemingly meaningless. He taught me, with all the excruciating patience required to teach grown-ups, the meaning of important things, and the lies of what seems. (Here, I am having to simplify, for many of my readers are grown-ups too.) He told me of those he met on his journey through Aevos; meaningful encounters, and meaningless encounters; the fox who he tamed, and the flower who had tamed him; the one who counts the stars, and those who watch the stars, and me who now listens to them. I have attempted to draw Addâgse— so that you may recognize him, should he ever roam Aevos again. And if he does, and you meet him, please make sure to send me a letter; for I do believe that he has tamed me too. And if you too wish to know him better, seek the books on the Little Spirit in the Ancestral Archives of Orgrimmar; there, I have compiled his story in much more detail than I can do here. PEEP DIZ! Breasal Nimblefoot’s Birthday Our dear friend Breasal Nimblefoot is having his 100th birthday, and will be hosting a great party in Dunwen! He has promised drinking, dancing, and games; and like any halfling party, we are convinced this will be one zkah of a time! The party will start on the third cactus hour of the eastern afternoon. On The Kaktuz You must have noticed that the Kaktuz Weekli has not been published in the last couple cactus weeks. It is because I have been on a journey, a self-exile into the desert. It is in fact there that I have met Addâgse. I am happy to announce that I am back, strengthened, wisened, and ready to face life with all my might. As announced, a new section was added to the Kaktuz Weekli; PEEP DIZ! It will hold things we think deserve to be spread across Aevos, or possibly advertisements. Paid advertisements will of course be flagged as such. Please get in touch with anyone in our team ((or better, leave your message below!)) if you wish to have a message in this section of the next issue! The Team Informant — Spuds @Turbo_Dog Writer — Gharak’Yar @Gomoore Illustrator & Head publisher — Gharak’Yar
  3. The Cobbler's Goblet, Issue IV The Weefolk's Choice Herald This Week's News! Gnomestyle Cooking: Gremlins Attack! A Duel in Dunwen! Pepin Strikes Again! Gnomestyle Cooking: Gremlins Attack! Written by Griff Peregrin An illustration of the Gnome Potluck, Bingo Bufferbottom. Many citizens of Dunwen were excited to learn of a potluck taking place in the village square this week. Many more were quite intrigued to the fact that local gnome, Merwin the Fool, was hosting said event. Having personally attended, I can testify that I, too, was curious to learn the culinary traditions of the Gnomish peoples. Upon arriving, everything seemed to be going quite alright, albeit it was somewhat jarring to learn that we would be throwing all of our dishes inside a giant, boiling pot, rather than eating them separately. Nevertheless, many halflings were tucking in for a delicious feast- that was, until gremlins arrived on the scene! Taunting us from a nearby hill, a Gremlin sorcerer began casting rocks upon several participants, and even attempted to go as far as to try and tip over the pot! It was through this that several of the attendees gave chase to the gremlin, tailing it back to its hovel in an abandoned hovel beneath a tree outside the village. After chasing it into the hovel, the attendees soon discovered that the gremlin sorcerer has raised several golems in an attempt to raid the village! The halflings jumped into action on the spot, with Griff Peregrin dealing a devastating blow to one of the golems following its brutal assault on Thain Mimosa Applefoot. Within this hovel, the diary of a deceased gnome was discovered. Merwin the Fool himself continues to research into this diary, as well as its potential meanings for the future of the village. But while this research is being conducted, we must begin to wonder: does this Gremlin onslaught tie into the attack of both the Azdrazi, as well as Arkaknox? What have we done to incur this wrath? Can it be blamed on the people we harbor on our lands; the bigguns who use magic in the shadows? A Duel in Dunwen! Written by Griff Peregrin Griff Peregrin and Vindacus at the Shogging Pier, by Bingo Bufferbottom. It was a cool, winter’s night when a small congregation of halflings met in Thain Mimosa Applefoot’s burrow for a lovely, peaceful supper. That was, until the foul Vindacus- the false knight whom we highlighted in last week’s issue- invited himself inside for the sole purpose of tormenting myself, Griff Peregrin. After throwing several insults at my honor and intelligence, Vindacus suggested that mouse traps be constructed within the Castle of Babblebrook, revealing his bloodthirsty intent on catching, slaying or perhaps eating the Musin people. He did this not only over dinner, but in the presence of His Mousejesty, King Patches. It was only natural that I challenged him to a fair shogging tilt upon his honor, in order to avenge the cruel words spoken upon the Musin peoples. We met at the dock, with many halflings spectating the match. The honorable Marrow Whistlewood volunteered to referee the match, as she was one of the few unbiased parties present. We elected to play “best of three”. The first tilt resulted in a draw, with both of us falling off of our logs. In the second tilt, I managed to react at the split second of the timer, catching Vindacus offguard as I catapulted him into the water. However, under my suspicion that he was inadequately prepared, I chose to forfeit my victory of the round, as I believed it would sully my honor. Vindacus, not having any concept of honor, called me a fool for this. In the following two rounds, Vindacus used a technique known as “quick shuffling”, which many shogging fans will know was banned in the Old Dunshire Finalist Match many years ago. Pressing his feet tightly to the log, he began to roll it forward, utilizing the momentum to knock me from my log and win the match. I was in the deepest of dismay. Having accepted my loss, I reached forward to shake Vindacus’ hand, but not before he raised his arms and began chanting dark incantations in the direction of poor Miss Whistlewood! In an attempt to save Miss Whistlewood’s life from his biggun sorcery, I tackled Vindacus into the water and attempted to wrestle the pumpkin from his head, as he was tainting the sacred vegetable of Lord Knox with his dark magic. Vindacus, using his biggun strength, managed to best me once more, before fleeing the scene. As such, I leave an open reminder to the foul Vindacus: if you wish to truly fight me fairly in shogging once more, I will be open to the challenge. However, if you continue to use these backwards tricks and underhanded plays, I will have no choice but to result to the law’s might. Stay safe and stay vigilant, Dunwen. Pepin Strikes Again! Written by Griff Peregrin A Map of Greater Dunfarthing, Pepin Applefoot. As we have been unable to arrange the long-awaited interview with Marrow Whistlewood, we will instead be highlighting one of the many maps that are continually produced by Pepin Applefoot. A boy genius, Pepin Applefoot has honed his skills as a master cartographer even further with this highly realistic rendition of the Shires of Dunfarthing. Way to go, Pepin! The Cobbler's Goblet is now hiring writers, reporters and distributors! Citizens of Brabant and Valenza would be highly valued as Cobbler's Goblet staff members. Contact Griff Peregrin (MonkeNotic) for more information. Stay Wise, Dunwen! Written by Griff Peregrin, Illustrations by Bingo Bufferbottom Published by the Peregrin Family
  4. The Cobbler's Goblet, Issue III The Weefolk's Choice Herald This Week's News! The Halflings Slay a Dragon! Pecan Pie Conspiracy: The Stew Thickens Dunwen’s Dullards: Armed and Dangerous, Sir Vindacus! The Halflings Slay a Dragon! Written by Griff Peregrin The Wedding preceding the Draconic Frenzy, by Mimosa Applefoot. It transpired earlier this Pumpkin Week that the Halflings would not only host the marriage of two bigguns, but the house warming of Arugulaspawn themselves! It was at the wedding of Dunwen biggun local Apollyon Snowell and the Silver Lubba of Lurin that an unknown number of dragonspawn, identified by one of our sources as “Azdrazi”, arrived to crash the celebration. One of the guests, Magnolia Fiddleberry, testified that these dragonmen might have been the ex-lovers of our community’s own Apollyon Snowell. Several other halflings testify witnessing the dark fury of these beasts, who were ultimately defeated through the combined efforts of the guests present. Our analysts at the Cobbler’s Goblet have begun to ponder a dark reality; perhaps these dragonmen’s appearance, as well as the arrival of the beast Arkaknox, tie in with some greater threat that may be posed to the village. Have we truly begun to incur Arugula’s wrath? Furthermore, if the rumors of Ms. Snowell’s associations with these beasts are true, could she perhaps be playing a hand in the greater conflicts that sweep the village? Next week, Griff Peregrin will be releasing a long-awaited interview with a specialist on the Arugulan faith, detailing the possible paths we could take to get out of our present situation… but until then, keep your blinds open, Dunwen. You never know what our biggun neighbors might do next… Pecan Pie Conspiracy: The Stew Thickens Written by Griff Peregrin Hambart Bingleberry in the Peregrin Living Room, by Bingo Bufferbottom. Many of you will remember an article from our first Cobbler’s Goblet issue, detailing the potential lethal side-effects of Pecan Pie. Well, this week, we’ve managed to secure an interview with known glutton and village newcomer Hambart Bingleberry, who has demonstrated several worrying side-effects of pecan pie consumption. Hambart weighs in at an impressive one-hundred-fifty pumpkins, or three hundred pounds, for our biggun readers. This mammoth of a weeman bravely volunteered himself for research and experimentation, having consumed a slice of pecan pie roughly the size of the average musin’s torso. What we found was astonishing. Hambart, upon finishing the pie, immediately began to sweat profusely, which our scientists have reasoned to be an early onset sign of sudden death. He later said that he had no extensive history of eating pecan pie, and that this may be the first time he has ever tried it. For a man to immediately show fatal signs upon his first slice does not bode well for pecan pie’s safety regulations. Stay tuned as we meet with local bakers to discuss their plans on avoiding a potential health crisis with this delicious but deadly treat. Dunwen’s Dullards: Armed and Dangerous, Sir Vindacus! Written by Griff Peregrin Sir Vindacus’ Dunwen Estate, Bingo Bufferbottom. Many halflings have had the displeasure of meeting the local biggun rotter and ne’er-do-well, the self-proclaimed “Sir” Vindacus, but few have had such a clear lens into his disgusting history as our reporters and informants here at the Cobbler’s Goblet. For those who are unaware, the man who calls himself Sir Vindacus is an adult, biggun male who has taken up residence in a lofty estate within our shire for several years now. What you may not know, however, is how he got there in the first place. Several records from biggun kingdoms that Vindacus resided in at various points have detailed his dishonorable discharge from military service for various crimes, including public nudity, public urination, and serial debauchery. Having no other place to go, this “Vindacus” arrived in Dunwen, hoping to take advantage of the less educated locals. Ruven, a frequent local of Dunwen, stated that they had seen a poster declaring Vindacus’ banishment in the theater of a place known as Kaethul. Furthermore, trusted elder Magnolia Fiddleberry stated that Vindacus may not be right-of-mind, believing him to have suffered some form of brain trauma. Since his debut in our community, Sir Vindacus has repeatedly displayed his heinous tendencies, but it was allowed to rest… until recently, when Vindacus turned his vindictive gaze onto Dunwen’s own children. Many will know the beloved youth Zeeron, who as of recently was personally threatened by Sir Vindacus. Vindacus, who has repeatedly referred to halflings as the derogatory term “Wee Wees”, came upon Zeeron with his typical forked tongue, to which Zeeron fought back. Declaring that “Wee Wees” was an offensive term, Zeeron stood up for the Halfling people, to which Vindacus retaliated with a threat on their life. Zeeron is very young, and as such, was deeply disturbed by this. Please, to any halflings who roam the streets without this knowledge, hear this message and know of Sir Vindacus’ crimes. With luck, perhaps we can remove him from our land for good and be all the better for it. Stay Wise, Dunwen! Written by Griff Peregrin, Illustrations by Bingo Bufferbottom Published by the Peregrin Family
  5. The Cobbler's Goblet, Issue II The Weefolk's Choice Herald This Week's News! The Halflings Take Up Arms! Absent and Unapologetic: Is Griff Peregrin Sorry? Pepin Applefoot, the Boy Genius! The Halflings Take Up Arms! Written by Griff Peregrin A sketch done at the battle scene in the fight against Arkaknox, by Dolly Peregrin. Last week, we told you about the murder of a mysterious Halfling farmer and the emergence of a strange beast in the wheatfields, known as Arkaknox. Shortly after seeing last week's issue, Sheriff Breasal Nimblefoot reached out to me personally to get information on this beast. After discussing thoroughly, Sheriff Nimblefoot elected to lead a party of several halflings, musin and bigguns alike to try and rid the wheatfields of this "shark-like Arugulaspawn". The party led a victory against the beast, with Arkaknox having fled deeper into the wheatfield as an act of retreat, returning it to normal. However, suspicions and worries are still on high... After arranging a private interview with the Sheriff, I asked several questions about his response to the events. The interview is as follows: How do you intend to defeat Arkaknox in the future, as well as further prepare the Halflings for any threats? "...we were warned that it would return. Until then, I shall conduct some self-defense lessons for those who wish to learn, as well as continue with my patrols". It seems that, when Arkaknox fled, he spoke plainly to the Halflings and warned them of his return, saying he'd be "back for blood". How do you intend to conduct these self-defense lessons? Do you plan on using older techniques, such as the Peregrin Methods? "I will begin with the basics and move on to what I learned from my adventuring days. Everything is welcome if it'll help citizens defend themselves." Out of worry for the repercussions and potential involvement in biggun conflicts due to these lessons, I asked the following: Do you plan on using these techniques to train the Halflings for involvement in the biggun war? "No, you've misunderstood me, this will only be for self-defense. It was agreed upon in the Grand Moot. We will stand up to immediate threats, [and] we won't interfere in biggun politcs. We are neutral, and that's that." It seems that Impropers will have to hang up their armor, because it does not look like our involvement in the war will come at any point. After leaving Sheriff Nimblefoot, I soon encountered a new halfling I had not met before named Marrow Whistlewood. This Marrow seemed to have rather strong and unorthodox opinions on how we should deal with the Arkaknox situation, which is detailed in the interview below: What are your thoughts on the Arkaknox situation? Do you know what brought it about? "It was a sign! I've just come to this village, so I don't know what you all have done to summon the ire of the Mistress of the Depths, but she's angry... furious at you... and you all better start repenting, lest your souls wallow in the stormy fathoms of the inky keeper's tides." Please, elaborate! "It was raining, a horrid storm, and yet I was the only one who remembered to pour [water] out? I thought everyone knew you had to pour [out water] when it rained, because the Sunken Dame was pouring [out water] for you! And after the rain, you should make an offering to the harvest, since the rain helped foster your crops. Really, this is basic stuff, but [none] of you were doing any of it... no wonder she is sending sharks after you all." So, you believe we should start taking the worship of Arugula more seriously? "Don't go saying her name, you'll only make her more mad, and it brings her attention to you! Now you have to wash your mouth out with saltwater. And yes, a good and proper reverence of the tide is in order, starting at least with oblations- offerings." I will attempt to track down this woman again for next week's issue, in which I will dive deeper into her views on Arugulan dogma and its practices. What are your thoughts on it, Dunwen? Should we start honing our shovel skills, or start praying to the Salt Maiden? This is surely a time of great turmoil... stay safe out there. Absent and Unapologetic: Is Griff Peregrin Sorry? Written by Griff Peregrin An illustration of Griff Peregrin outside of the Peregrin Burrow, by Mimosa Applefoot. Griff Peregrin, prolific chief journalist of the Cobbler's Goblet and author of this article, has committed a heinous and scandalous act in the eyes of many: he has avoided an invitation to dinner. Only a few days ago, the ever-welcoming Mimosa Applefoot requested at random to take a sketch of Griff outside his home, The Peregrin Abode. Believing this was simply a portrait to be displayed within the Town Hole, Griff posed gallantly with his golden shovel, looking dashing as ever. It was only after returning from a long sojourn into biggun country that Griff had realized the true intent of the drawing- a dinner invitation, from the Applefoots to the Peregrins! Griff was, without a doubt, shocked deeply by this. Having already missed the dinner, he elected to make his apology publicly in order to douse the whispers of scandal. He has come out and testified: "I am sorry, Mimosa. I was in biggun country trying to scam children on fake voodoo dolls. It was very funny. I will attend the next dinner that you host to the best of my ability". Do you forgive him? Let us know. Send all letters to the Peregrin Abode by the Dunfarthing waterfront. Pepin Applefoot, the Boy Genius! Written by Griff Peregrin A detailed cartographic accounting of the Dunwen area, by Pepin Applefoot. "What a prodigy", many a halfling have said over the last few days: and it is simply, undoubtedly, true! Above is shown a copy of Pepin Applefoot's detailed map on the Dunwen region, including an adorably misspelled Barnsley, the greater Dunfarthing Proper, and even smaller regions such as the Dunkeld area by the coast. Many have talked with Pepin Applefoot over the last few days, congratulating him on his academic feat. Many have also begun suggesting the idea of opening a halfling school, for halfling knowledge such as crop rotation sciences and pecan pie studies to be taught to all wee'uns. Stay Wise, Dunwen! Written by Griff Peregrin, Illustrations by Bingo Bufferbottom Published by the Peregrin Family
  6. The Cobbler's Goblet, Issue I The Weefolk's Choice Herald This Week's News! Land Sharks Attack! Huge Boom in Pumpkin Stocks Pecan Pie: Delicious or Deadly? Land Sharks Attack! Written by Griff Peregrin An illustration of the scene of the crime, by Bingo Bufferbottom. Early this morning, several farmers going about their regular commute came across a horrifying sight! The severed head of an unidentifiable halfling, as well as several dismembered appendages, lay strewn across the grass directly outside of the shoreside wheatfield. After assessing the body, the farmers recognized several bite marks that seemed to be the cause of the injury. One halfling sailor has spoken about this matter, anonymously testifying: "This can nay be anythin' other than a shark, I'd reckon. The bite marks match up perfectly. Must be a big feller, too- they're huge!" Furthermore, a strange sign also seemed to appear around the same time as the death of the farmer. Nailed upon a wooden post by the corpse now reads "BEWARE ARKAKNOX" in large lettering. Whoever this "Arkaknox" figure is, our reporters have surmised that it must be an aspect of Arugula that is now haunting the wheatfield, praying on the innocent. Next week, we will be featuring a private interview with Sheriff Nimblefoot on this matter, so stay tuned! Huge Boom in Pumpkin Stocks Written by Griff Peregrin An illustration of the Dunwen Pumpkin Fields, by Bingo Bufferbottom. Our financial analysts on the Halfling Agromarket have predicted a 27.5% upturn in the value of pumpkin supplies going into The Grand Harvest. It is believed this is due to the construction of the newly built Knox statue on the outskirts of Dunfarthing, with a vast number of pumpkins having been taken out of standard circulation. Pumpkin farmers and aficionados be advised. Pecan Pie: Delicious or Deadly? Written by Griff Peregrin An illustration of the Dunfarthing Bakery, by Bingo Bufferbottom. Many Halflings love the taste of delicious Pecan Pie, but is this sweet treat actually safe for consumption? New studies have shown that the halfling obesity epidemic is widely influenced by the consumption of sweet treats such as pecan pie. Halflings who die from gluttonous habits have been documented by bakers as having consumed up to sixteen pecan pies weekly, which may have been the primary cause of death. Studies are still being conducted into this topic, but all halflings are advised to avoid eating the pies until then. Stay Wise, Dunwen! Written by Griff Peregrin, Illustrations by Bingo Bufferbottom Published by the Peregrin Family
  7. Newspapers are spread throughout Aevos. They’re made of two sheets of cheap paper, simply stacked and folded together and yet they are surprisingly colorful, with doodles and familiar drawings! Could this be… no way! Issue Azhty’H’Gakh (XVIII) — Azh’Kint’H’Azh’ty’Futh (CLXIV) D.A. ORC POLITICS A New Vassal to the Horde? The Iron Horde might be getting a new vassal soon. A tribe of Qualasheen Far-folk arrived on Malin’s Welcome [Tuesday], and expressed a desire to settle in the deserts of Krugmar. The delegation of the Al-Badwawi tribe was composed of three people. Their leader, Sultan Mehmed Ibn Walid Al-Badwawi, was accompanied by two advisors; Shura Bayezid Ibn Walid Al-Badwawi, and Shura Taiseer Ibn Walid Al-Badwawi. They seemed very pious, and eager to share both goods and culture; indeed, they are Qualasheen, which is to say they follow the Iiman Rashidun. They believe, much like Canonists, that there is only one god and creator; though they do not follow the canonist scrolls; they have their own scriptures known as the Book of Peace. They have expressed a distaste for needless violence but I must assume they are competent military-wise; they are well armed and have dedicated military roles. Bayezid has blah’d his role among the Shura council was that of military advisor; helping the Sultan for matters of strategic warfare. Though this will be further discussed, detailed and made official during this cactus day’s Klamor, Rex Grommash has welcomed their arrival in principle, so long as they share the way of orcs. He stated the Horde’s conditions: “you’re to trade, to share food and water with us, to bring warriors when the horde marches.” — Which they accepted with honor. FOREIGN AFFAIRS The new Grand King of Urguan Following Grand King Garedyn’s passing, the dwarves of Urguan have seen a new king rise to the throne. Sigrun Stonehammer gave the Kaktuz Weekli an interviews a few months after gaining his position. Will we be seeing a change of policies in Urguan under your reign? “Not really… I’ve been running Urguan as Grand Regent under Garedyn for four years before hand, so I’m gonna stick with what I know how to deal with: which is winning this war. I have a great set of advisors behind me for political affairs, but Garedyn's policies have done us very well so far so I don’t see a reason to change.” Regarding the war, he added: “I know well what I’m doing when it comes to it, and its consequences, so I have no intent on dishonouring the alliance. Urguan is the most honourable state and always keeps to its word, and that reputation is something I seek to keep.” Are there large events you want to oversee during your reign? “Yes! I have many great events planned for Urguan, including a whole new city that will be carved out of the mountain.” he announced— but seemed reluctant to share more. Concerning relations with the Iron Horde, do you see it as an enemy nation, or is it just a matter of circumstances? “We will have to see until after we deal with Veletz,” he sighed “but I have sent no dwarven raiders or attacks upon the people of the horde in particular, except for the shared large battles.” “It appears they do not share the same sentiment, as they have repeatedly sent Urukin to attack our farms and roads.” he warned. “If you don’t want to invoke my ire for after Veletz, then I suggest stopping it.” Any closing words for our readers, or for orcs? “What I would say to orcs back in the Horde is to advise good friend Grommash to take their livelihoods in priority over assisting Veletz.” ORCISH CULTURE Orkish Delights: Kruga Kola! This week in the Kaktuz Weekli… The recipe for an old Krugmarian drink: Kruga Kola! Ingredients: A twiggie A handful of salt One brick of butter A few bottles of wine A few ripe potatoes Cinnamon, Vanilla and spices of your liking Preparation: Peel the twiggie, and chop it into 5 or 10 bite-size pieces. Salt, then sear the chunks in butter in a large pan over a medium fire, mixing well so that it does not burn. Prepare your cauldron; pour one bottle of wine in it without bringing it to a boil. Once the chunks are well-cooked on each side, transfer to the cauldron. Add wine until the meat is fully covered, and place a lid on top. Boil slowly over a small fire, and mix every now and then to check the level. When the wine has boiled down to half its initial level, add the potatoes and top the cauldron with water. Keep it warm over a smoldering fire for the day. Mix every few hours; it should never boil. Add cinnamon, vanilla and any spices you like. Leave to rest for the night. The next morning, mix gently to avoid creating air bubbles, then separate the stew into sturdy oak barrels. Be very careful; there should be as little air as possible. If needed, add boiled (not boiling!) water to top up the barrels. Seal them and let them ferment for at least a month. Kruga-Kola is a carbonated drink; pick your barrels accordingly. Half the batch usually fails; hence why it is recommended to prepare as many smaller barrels as you can. Sift the Kruga Kola after opening the barrels. You may also open the barrels early, sift the contents and complete the fermentation in bottles. There you have it! Dark, fuzzy Twiggie Stew with its cinnamony, quiet vanilla aftertaste: that’s Kruga Kola! On The Kaktuz A new Section coming next Issue! Hopefully starting next issue, we will be adding a new section to the Kaktuz Weekli; “Did lat gruk?” where we hope to show you things you might not have known. Places worth visiting, small cultural traditions, interesting and unique shops… The Kaktuz Weekli is looking forward to reading your ideas if you can think of places that you want to share! Help your Newspaper! In its effort to reach a broader audience, we are hiring a paper boy for the Kaktuz Weekli. As always, we are also still looking for informants who will help us with local news outside of Krugmar. Thanks for reading! Informant — Spuds @Turbo_Dog Writer — Gharak’Yar @Gomoore Illustrator & Head publisher — Gharak’Yar
  8. Newspapers are spread throughout Aevos. They’re made of two sheets of cheap paper, simply stacked and folded together and yet they are surprisingly colorful, with doodles and familiar drawings! Could this be… no way! Issue Azhty’H’Dub (XVII) — Azh’Kint’H’Azh’ty’Gakh (CLXIII) D.A. ORC POLITICS Orc of the Week: Grommash! Though I suspect —and hope!— our readers know what a Rex is, and who Grommash is, this issue’s orc of the week is the Rex, the leader of the orcs. He took the position after Grubsnakh the Olog fell sick, and has been overseeing vast reforms, including the reconstruction of our capital San’Brîu, which was dismantled in favor of the current Orcgrimmar. So, how is it, being Rex? “Being Rex is very strange. I think I have approached the Rexdom differently than many previous Rexes. The Rex is not the strongest of Orcs, or rather the Rex must be more than that. The Rex speaks for the Horde, he leads the Horde. He is responsible for ensuring the prosperity and the virtue of the Horde. In that sense he is not just the Horde speaker but also the Horde father. Where he commands, the Horde goes. By his will warriors kill and die.” We have seen the horde change with more orcs, more events and a more aggressive stance towards other nations. Do you think it’s good now or will you be striving for even more change? “I think the changes I have brought to the Horde are a step in the right direction. But frankly the Horde is far from where it needs to be. Without the support of the elders, the Chieftains and the Goths of the Rex council we would not have achieved any progress at all.” “In that sense I want to thank Minto, Azfrai, Apek, Madoc, Gazhnakh, the leaders of Gobtown, as well as the masters of the guild. Even non-goth orcs such as Grogmar have been indispensable for the success of the horde.” “Regarding the more aggressive stance… —he paused for a moment— I don't think that is true. The humans may dance their tongue dances and speak their honeywords, but we are Uruks, children of Krug himself. We should speak in truth always. I have approached many of these nations under the white banner of truce many times to speak to them. There has never been a violation of the white banner of truce by Orcs. Not when we visited Hysland, not when we visited Norland, not when we visited Dwedland, not when we went to Aaun to return the corpse of their dead knight and the children he had left with us.” “The Orcish stance from the beginning of the war has been very clear. Before the war even started I made it abundantly clear, especially to the Hyspians. The desert belongs to the Orcs. Those who live in the desert will be considered invaders.” We have also seen you put a lot of effort in foreign diplomacy, how is this going? “Well…” He sighed. “Many nations are helping to make a new human empire, I think. They have forgotten what it means for the rest of us.” — “Many orcs have died during the war of ten nations, and I’m trying to make sure they haven’t died in vain.” You wanted to create a Kubrex role during last Klamor, have you got any orc in mind for the position? “No. I had some candidates in mind but I don't think they are even ready for Kubrex yet. I have been giving some of the orcs responsibilities and missions to see if they can be trusted. At the moment I don't think anyone is really ready yet. Kho is not interested in being Rex.” There have been rumors going on about you looking for a lifemate, is it true? What qualities are you looking for in them? “I have been too busy with the war to even give it thought. A feorc who works hard for the horde maybe?” You’ve remained clanless, do you plan on joining a clan any time soon? “I have been focusing on the war and reforms. There aren't really any clans that I feel drawn to at the moment. I think that much of the new orc population is also clanless. It seems like the position of clans in Orcish society is changing somewhat.” “Honestly I'd really like to see my Wargoths and Chieftains step up and do more, they have been disappointing up until now.” — “For the foreseeable future I will probably stay clanless.” Anything else you want to add? “I'd like to thank all the Orcs who have been working for the greater good of the Horde. We will preserve the way of Krug and the land given to us by Krug, our ancestors, and the spirits.” FOREIGN AFFAIRS A Paladin’s Daily Path Though it is the orc’s Krug-given mission to rid the world of the darkspawn, we are not the only ones to fight bûurz. Paladins are also dedicated to eradicating darkspawns; so Elena of Joma agreed to tell us more about their order. Interview by Spuds. What first brought you into paladinism? “Well, originally I sought to be a void mage in Hohkmat… I made an encounter with several inferi, that made a deal with a man then walked away without anyone to stand up to them. That encounter changed my views and later down the line it was my first mentor, Viltaren of Ahad, that made me interested in this path.” I must assume your view on the world has changed since then? “It has changed greatly! I had no idea who the azdrazi were until I became a paladin. They are a horrid threat that practice foul magics.” “When I was seeking to be a void mage, I sought power for my own benefit. I sought power to make sure no one would take advantage of me again.” — “Now… I do have power, more than I could have thought possible. Though it is through service and a strict set of oaths that I am able to have such power, and I can only use it for such service. I have become content in keeping others safe and helping people, and have especially grown my capacity for empathy to all descendants.” “But,” she added, “for many it is less about noble hearts and more about serving Xan’s will. We are pledged to further Xan’s goals of Order and Guardianship to the best of our ability, with Xan’s power as a gift to aid us in that regard when necessary.” And how does day-to-day life look like being a Xan blessed warrior? “Some of us live in relative peace and tranquillity, mainly doing our activities when called upon by our comrades, but others are often right in the thick of it, getting consistent letters for healing malflame wounds, lifting curses, giving the population blessed items according to their needs against such forces, defending a region from invasion, raiding a suspected or confirmed hiding place for them, or collecting information about potential darkspawn.” Thank you very much! Do you want to tell anything more to our readers? “Well, I hope that I do not romanticize the life of a paladin, nor make it seem like a torturous existence.” — “It is a worthy path for those that seek to go towards a higher calling against those of Iblees and Azdromoth.” “It is a big commitment, —she emphasized— one that should not be scorned or judged.” ORCISH CULTURE The Ashst Lodge Meeting A cactus week ago, the Lodge held its first meeting. Shamans from all around Krugmar —as well as from distant lands— gathered in the great shaman tent of Orcgrimmar to discuss important matters. The blahing was long, with many great shamans voicing their conflicting opinions… which was indeed the whole point of the gathering. The first issue discussed was regarding the Azulytes, and their affiliation with darkspawn. After careful discussion, they were declared enemies of the Lodge. Then the shamans blahed regarding Skorkon the inferi bull, who has been at the heart of many heated debates and infighting all the way back to the times of Almaris. Indeed, though Zkorkon is of buurz origins, for a while it was thought that shamanism could cure his condition and bring him up to a better existence. However, after such a long time, it became clear that such a perspective was only an illusion. The matter was settled once and for all, for it was decided that he would be flatted. Informant — Spuds @Turbo_Dog Writer — Spuds, Gharak’Yar @Gomoore Illustrator & Head publisher — Gharak’Yar
  9. Newspapers are spread throughout Aevos. They’re made of two sheets of cheap paper, simply stacked and folded together and yet they are surprisingly colorful, with doodles and familiar drawings! Could this be… no way! Issue Azhty’H’Azh (XVI) — Azh’Kint’H’Azh’ty’Dub (CLXII) D.A. ORC OF THE GRUB WEEK A Grubgoth for the Horde! The Grubgoth in Krugmar is nub only the keeper of the tavern, but also the steward of our rich culinary culture and refinement. Agh Cob'Lur the goblin recently took the position! What better choice for orc of the week? Ashst, congratulations on being Grubgoth! “Yub yub, this is exciting news, because I wasn’t sure myself until the rex said it. I have been trying to keep the orcs fed!” You have been working at the tavern for some time now, yes? Were you aiming to become Grubgoth? “I definitely love the honour of becoming Grubgoth. But mostly I find cooking for my brothers and sisters relaxing and it makes me happy!” “I also saw as a child that the tavern was closed. —Indeed, Cob is the first Grubgoth we have in decades, the last ash being Kor'Garr— I always wanted to work here and serve food!” Did someone teach you, or did you learn on your own? “I learned from my adoptive parents. My mother was Zkrap, agh mi’z popo waz Varn. I haven’t seen my blood-parents. They are most likely dead.” I understand you have been working on clan recipes... That Hungry Ungri was delicious! “Yes! I made something simple yet pleasing to represent the Ungris. Simple yet good orcs who have a big appetite.” She showed me a booklet with a dozen clan-related recipes planned ahead. “I have to introduce the vinteky stew sometime soon!” I will be looking forward to that. Is there anything you want to add, to blah the Horde perhaps? “I want to tell them that they are the best brothers and sisters I could ever hope for!” Recipe of the Hungry Ungri Cob was kind enough to share an exclusive recipe for her latest creation: the Hungry Ungry! Take a whole cow, agh clean its guts from both ends. Fill it with vegetables, most importantly garlic, onion agh hot peppers. You may also add carrots, mushrooms agh beans. For a fresh taste, add a few ripe fruits; apples agh pears add their sweet juices to the meat agh extra flavor. Slowly roast above a weak fire for an entire day. Then, eat it while it is still warm! FOREIGN GRUBBING Halfling Wizard Cheese Magnolia Fiddleberry, the halfling wizard, owns a wizard cheese shop, right next to the Dunfarthing cheese museum. She agreed to answer a few questions: So, please tell us more about this cheesemancing business... “I have been cheesemancing for about seventy years now. Of course, my cheese was good before I became a wizard. The magic isn’t what makes the cheese good. It’s what makes it wizard cheese.” She proudly explained: “yeah, I could stir the curds and press the whey and all that bad hand. But I can also do it with magic.” Agh were you taught magic? Or is that something you developed on your own? “Do you know of Barbog? He lived in Honeyhill since before I was born.” We discussed a bit about the great goblin philosopher— “Well, he taught me the start of magic. Then I spent a few years travelling. Hopping between libraries to read all the spellbooks I could find. Now I’ve written my own.” I see. How do you see this evolving in the coming years? “I’m planning to try a few things out based on some suggestions of cheese I got. Someone said to put chocolate in cheese. Heck yeah I’m gonna do that! And in terms of the wizard side, I’m working on a second spellbook for Kitchen Magic right now.” Do you have students, or would you like to? “I’m not the best teacher myself. Not really anything I could teach them beyond advice, which they can ask me for anyways.” “But I did make my basement a bit of a public magicking space for Dunfarthing. So there will be my spellbooks for anyone to learn from there, alongside a lil’ library of magic.” That sounds great indeed. Any closing words for our readers? “Smoke pipe, life y’ life. Respect t’ frogs. Eat a toastie. And above all: Stay wizardin’.” GRUBING CULTURE Da Ultimate Grubber Deep within the Ungri Clan halls, lives a spirit like no other. To my knowledge, the Maw is the only spirit who permanently dwells in the mortal plane, right beneath Krugmar. It resembles a massive beast-worm buried in the ground, its mouth gaping, waiting to be fed. Looking below from the plank which has been set up for this purpose, ash can see row after row of sharp teeth growing from the sides of its endless throat; a cavity which goes so far deep down into the earth that the bottom cannot be seen. That is the Maw, the father of ologs, the spirit which the Ungris worship. "Our god is cruel, our god is mighty, our god will consume the mortal plane should we fail it." the Ungri wargoth, Drekür'Ungri blahd me. Even —agh perhaps especially— to the Ungris, the Maw represents a great menace, for they know "the consequences of not delivering the Maw what it deserves". Indeed, in the past the Maw has already unleashed its wrath on descendants. It was in the times of Athera. Back then, "even Ologs knew none of their father’s hunger", agh for this the Maw destroyed Athera. The Maw munching Athera With a few terrible bites, the entire continent was consumed; those who foolishly fought were eaten, those who fled escaped only to live their last days in fear of the great beast. The Ologs heard the Maw's voice agh worshipped it, fed it with all they could gather. Agh so far, it seems they have indeed been able to keep its appetite and anger at bay. "This is why we serve him! This is why we venerate and feed it." Drekür further explained— "Because the realm remains ignorant, remains filled with hubris, without the Ungri the maw would punish once again. But next time his sacred bites shall be absolute, world-ending." "The world sees us as mindless brutes… but we are zealous servants of the realms existence." Informant — Spuds @Turbo_Dog Writer — Gharak’Yar @Gomoore Illustrator & Head publisher — Gharak’Yar
  10. Newspapers are spread throughout Aevos. They’re made of two sheets of cheap paper, simply stacked and folded together and yet they are surprisingly colorful, with doodles and familiar drawings! Could this be… no way! Issue Azhty’H (XV) — Azh’Kint’H’Azh’ty’Azh (CLXI) D.A. ORC POLITICS Another Klamor After a few cactus weeks, the Horde gathered ashs more for a Klamor! Rex Grommash opened the meeting to hold a discussion on the clans. It was quickly decided that clans would be acknowledged by the horde if they have a wargoth [leader] plus gakh members. Clans will now be divided into greater agh lesser clans; greaters clans being those with more than ashty members. The wargoths will also be able to collectively give the title of greater clan to those they think deserve it; specifically older clans devoted to the kubs of Krug. There were also debates on the future of clans Vinteki agh Gorkil; indeed, the dub have very similar values, agh Azfrai’Lur specifically voiced concerns about the young Vinteki clan throwing shade on the older Gorkil clan. There were also blahs of merging the dub, but no resolution was found since the Rex has no say in those decisions. The next topic discussed was that of the Kubrex. Grommash expressed concerns of what might happen if he were to die prematurely —which tends to happen during waghtik. Many voices called for Kho'Gorkil the Dominus, or Madoc'Lur the Motsham to inherit the throne if the Rex were to die. Both refused however, since they weren't keen on holding the position. More will be discussed during next Klamor. Minto'Lur, Rukagoth [treasurer] of the Horde then spoke on the war efforts: "Most of the clans have been doing good work with grinding and donating, but we still need more help." He encouraged all to keep working hard, agh warned that the Horde is still not fully preserved from shortages. Again, Grommash ended the Klamor with a blah of Orcgrimmar. "After Orcgrimmar is built, new clans will need to come to the Klamor with their Leader agh gakh members to become official clans." he explained, as had been decided earlier. FOREIGN AFFAIRS A Queen for Balian With King Adrian I's recent passing, Balian will see a new ruler: Queen Sybille I will be crowned next cactus day on the Grand Harvest. Spuds interviewed her, agh she agreed to blah a bit more for the readers of the Kaktuz Weekli. When will your coronation be? And along with that will there be any special measures taken due to the war? “It shall be on the next Grand Harvest.” She confirmed the preparation of security measures, but could obviously not give us any details. What is your stance on the war waged by the Covenant? “My stance is the same as my father’s; after all it was I who was kidnapped, beginning the domino fall that led to the war.” Do you have major plans as a queen? “Ai, a bona few. I have nobility reforms drafted." she explained, "I also wish for the knights of the nation to be under a new management to ensure that chivalry in Balian holds strong.” I understand many of your knights are templars? “Ai, I'm close to many... I have given them land so they might build a monastery to host a Templar order. I would be remiss to say I don’t support their efforts against the dark of the continent.” Anything you want to add? “Ai. Several treat Balian as some sort of successor to Oren. We are not: the Balianese people are their own people with their own culture separate from that of the Orenian Predecessors.” she said. “What makes us different is that our forefathers were run out of Oren by the very people who call us Orenian. They are the ones who fought for their Oren, we founded a new home in the south.” ORCISH CULTURE The Stargush’Stroh The Stargush'Stroh is a central pillar of the orcish culture; it is, for many, what gives a sense agh purpose to our lives. The Stargush’Stroh is a place somewhere among the stars where ash may go if they have lived a great life —which to us already eliminates those who do not live in orcish ways or, even worse, meddle with the darkspawn agh voidal mages. Kor, spirit of the Dead Upon death, the soul leaves the body, agh the life lived is judged by Kor, the Immortal Spirit of the Dead agh Afterlife. If they deem the life honorable, they may enter the Stargush'Stroh agh stay eternally among the greatest orcs. In spite of what many globbish non-orcs might think, orkish honor is not about winning waghs and killing people; killing the weak is a sign of weakness agh covers ash with dishonor. Agh fighting against a stronger enemy is a mark of courage. Above all, inspiring others agh being diligent in the way of the spirits will draw their respect; many who seek to enter the Stargush'Stroh will try to be remembered as a vessel for the spirits in the mortal plane, agh spread the ways of ash or a few select spirits. Informant — Spuds @Turbo_Dog Writer — Gharak’Yar @Gomoore Illustrator & Head publisher — Gharak’Yar
  11. Newspapers are spread throughout Aevos. They’re made of two sheets of cheap paper, simply stacked and folded together and yet they are surprisingly colorful, with doodles and familiar drawings! Could this be… no way! Issue Azhty’Futh (XIV) — Ash’Kint’H’Ash’ty (CLX) D.A. ON KRUGSMAS The cold season is back As the snow silently falls on Aevos, the loud footsteps of war disappear into a thin echo; hidden under their thick white coats, every land, every city gets ready for the great festivities of the end of cactus-year… yes, Krugsmas is back! Krugsmas is a time for celebration across all of Aevos, where descendents are no longer judged by what nation they belong to, which side of the battlefield they stand on, for there are no more battlefields. Wars are paused, grudges erased agh peace brings people together. Usually, a great fir is erected in the centre of cities, so that people may leave gifts under them. For this purpose, people can usually visit cities… Warmongering territories are even expected to let their enemies in for Krugsmas —provided they come with gifts! Great fires are also often lit, agh all children gather around the fire to listen to stories told by the elders. Agh of course, Krugsmas is a season for fiesting agh praising Betharuz. Cookies, cakes, as well as turkeys agh roasts are often prepared to keep the hearts warm in the cold! We have enjoyed the celebrations so far— Agh can’t wait to see the rest of what people have planned this cactus year! KRUGSMAS ACROSS AEVOS Varied Celebrations But then again, each nation has their own ways of celebrating Krugsmas. In Krugmar, Krugsmas is when Popo Krugsmas visits orcs to give them gifts! This year, I also had the pleasure of learning of a rather new, blossoming tradition: Musmas! In the musin village of Babblebrook, the townsfolk are gathering to spend time together; cookies were exchanged, agh we enjoyed the company of friends agh family. Then we were invited to the outskirts of the village, where Sir Spuds had prepared sleds! We were lucky to have perfect weather: after a short heavy rain which left the grass wet agh muddy, the sky cleared up for some perfect sledding! I even got to see flying halflings! What does Krugsmas mean to you? But certainly the best way to celebrate Krugsmas is to share great moments with people! So the Kaktuz Weekli decided to ask the citizens of Aevos what Krugsmas means to them! First, what came up often is peace! Though I unfortunately have to admit that the Iron Horde has not kept its bloodlust tame, many among the Orcs were against the recent brutal events; "Orcs should not go raiding at this period, they should go and ejnoy this lovely season, spread love in the city, and show that we’re much more than the brutes humans and elves think we are!" — ash called. In Veletz, agh Nor-Velyath too, we heard that Krugsmas was "a great relief, even with war" agh wishes that "the war had been over before the holidays” Then of course, the gifts! "The act of giving in charity is an opposition to greed, a rot that plagues them!" a friend told me in Norland. "Everyone is freaking out preparing their trees, cookies and gifts!" — another voice cheered. Children were perhaps the most excited: "My daughters are really excited! I think this year will be good, despite the wars!" — "To me, it means very little— but it’s great for children! They get really excited by all the festivities and gifts, I love seeing their smiles!" another friend told me in Sulianpoli. Agh last but not least, pretty much everyash talked of the people they were going to meet again! For orcs, "it’s the days where all the clans finally gather and have some wholesome time" agh share "they lovely human and elf stew, stories and whatnot…" A Veletz citizen put it this way; "I love Krugsmas. To me it means family and friends more often than not." agh similarly in Celia’Nor agh Nor-Velyath we heard; "I’m really excited to spend time with my family!" — "Best thing about it is the people who you meet during that time." A sorvian told me also: "I will celebrate Krugsmas with a few other of my kind. I enjoy the look on people’s faces when they receive something. It is, well… Awesome." What more could we say? KRUGSMAS STORY Uggzak’s Big Red Scarf Uggzak’s favourite season had always been Krugsmas. Every H’ty years, the great cold wind swept over the world, covering hills agh cities in snow, agh the orcs would rejoice, spend tik together, play in the snow agh wait for Krug’s coming. Uggzak had a big red scarf. She got it from Krug himself on her ashst Krugsmas, agh ever since then, she kept it in her blargttic. Agh every Krugsmas season, she wrapped herself in the fuzzy cloth to keep her warm when she played in the cold snow. She enjoyed snowball klomps, snowblarging, agh most importantly snowrk-building. Every year she would make ash, giving it sticks for arms, agh pebbles for peepers. Ash day, as the snowy clouds slowly made their way across the skies, Uggzak went to her blargttic only to find that her scarf had vanished! She looked through every room of her blarg, every chest, every nook agh cranny… but the big red scarf was nubwhere to be found. When she tried going outside, it was so cold! She decided to spend the Krugsmas tik inside, agh knit a new scarf for herself. She spent days, weeks, months knitting the scarf; for it was a very big ash! Every now and then, she looked outside her window; snow was piling up, goblins were snowball-klomping… But she had not built a snowrk yet. When she was done knitting her scarf, it was already Krugsmas eve agh very late, so she decided to wait for the next morning. So on Krugsmas morning she wore her new scarf, agh when she opened her door… What a surprise! She found all her previous snowrks waiting for her. They were all sharing her old red scarf, agh it had made them come to life! Since that Krugsmas, Uggzak has a favourite day: Krugsmas day. She prepares a new scarf before the cold season, agh builds a new snowrk as soon as the ashst snow falls. She gives the new snowrk her scarf agh, on Krugsmas morning, her snowrks come to life so they can play together all day. To cover more news— agh do it better, the Kaktuz Weekli’s publishing team has grown! Please welcome our new informant, Spuds! Informant — Spuds Writer — Gharak’Yar Illustrator & Head publisher — Gharak’Yar
  12. Newspapers are spread throughout Aevos. They’re made of two sheets of cheap paper, simply stacked and folded together and yet they are surprisingly colorful, with doodles and familiar drawings! Could this be… no way! Issue Azhty’Gakh (XIII) — Azh’Kint’H’ty’H’FUTH (CLIX) D.A. ORC POLITICS A New Clan in Krugmar In the holy deserts near San’Brîu, the endless caves still bear secrets that —it seems— only time will reveal to us. Ash of these secrets was the unexpected existence of an entire community of orcs agh former snagas [slaves; it is assumed that all former slaves are now honorary orcs] lurking, klomping, thriving in the deep caves below the now fallen Kazin’Kul Clan’s halls. But the goblins among them were curious, agh with Krug’s blood running through their hearts they found the courage to find the surface, agh so the Vinteki learned of our existence agh we of theirs. Upon hearing the Yar horn calling them to wagh, the Vinteki Clan fully surfaced to join the Iron Horde for the great future which awaits us. The Vinteki Clan, currently strong of roughly dub’ty [twenty] members, is said to soon grow with dozens more emerging from the innards of the desert. From their war-focused culture they formed a structured hierarchy; their wargoth Kezmur’Vinteki has dub lesser wargoths; Gazdul’Vinteki agh Klog’Vinteki — and I was able to meet the latter. “Yes, we are focused on wagh—” he blah’d me. “agh thus besides Krug we only worship Enrohk” he explained. Indeed, their clan culture seems focused on being “the very best at wagh”. Still, orcs from their clan who have been engaging with the rest of the Horde were seen tending to other shrines agh praising all great ancestors; as is the orcish way. A Vinteki Targoth Ash of those Vinteki’s who immediately meddled themselves with the Iron Horde is Apek’Vinteki, who claimed the Targoth position after Grimruk’Lur decided to let others try their hands at leading the Krug-hai [orcish military]. The new Targoth made his intentions clear; “I want to improve the orcs as a nation, especially military-wise—” agh blahing of the Covenant agh their allies; “—agh ZKAH on dem in this wagh.” Concerns were raised with Apek being a new member to the Iron Horde, agh indeed very young— to which he replied; “I have a lot of experience klomping, leading waghs— from duels agh banditism.” Of course, those who still feel like he is unworthy are welcome to take away his responsibilities after a klomp for his position. FOREIGN AFFAIRS Celia’nor leaves The League Concerning the war which opposes the Covenant of Five agh its allies —frankly most of Aevos— against The League of Veletz agh their loyal orcish allies. After dub victories for the Covenant, many on Veletz’ side felt overwhelmed; the numbers of the Covenant’s armies as well as their devastating siege weapons have taken a great toll on League forces. Celia’nor, which has sided with Veletz to honour a pact, has found themselves unable to uphold their side of the alliance. On the First Seed of last Cactus Week [Friday], Princess Illyra backtracked on her decision to engage Celia’nor into the wagh. The decision takes place in a time of great turmoil for the young elven nation —Celia’nor was restored in ash’kint’H’ty’gakh— ; agh the aforementioned Illyra has faced a strong illness which made her unable to rule. Though the succession is not yet established, I could blah with the current leader agh heir to the throne, Illthrak Ibarellan. “Of course I do not like the decision to leave this alliance. But my Haelun had to make a choice for the sake of our people. It still pains me to think about it.” he explained that they had no choice but to flee the wagh; “We really must ensure our people are safe: we were at the verge of total destruction! — And we had nothing to gain from this war. We were only dragged in because of a pact.” Though I would argue the glory of honouring a pact is always a gain worth countless bloodshed, it seems elves have different morals— agh I can only condone the will to defend ash’s own people. ORCISH CULTURE Spiritualism beyond Krugmar Spiritualism is often associated with orcs— agh indeed, it is a pillar of orcish culture. Yet, it is not exclusive to our glorious nation. Many elves also worship the spirits, agh the members of the shamanic Lodge were recently invited to a blahference hosted by the elven elder shaman, Ember; “As Farseer, as a speaker of our spirits, I deliver a small message, an advice, or maybe a lesson to those who come with doubts of the spirits.” she began. “Myself, and I’m sure many of you have experienced the fury of the spirits. Though we understand it, many argue that the spirits must be evil tyrants, and that no benevolent deities would endanger their own followers and practitioners” — “And in their perspective, they are probably correct; what would you say of rulers if you saw only their fury, pride and egocentrism? They would be tyrants and evil-doers in your eyes, and you would be right.” “This is what this sermon is about; Perspective.” She paused for a moment. “As a shaman, I have endured many methods in which the spirits punish, teach, and bless us. Every spirit —and every shaman— has their unique method, no two being the same.” — “To us, the spirits are no tyrants, for we have faith in what they give and what they take. But as farseers —and shamans— it is our duty to show the confused and sceptical that spirits, like what they think of their gods, are good deities; by giving praise to them they may treasure us with their blessings.” — “But no blessing comes free and —shaman or not— it starts with seeing the spirits in the right light, in the right perspective.” “I hope this talk convinced you that perspective means all.” she concluded. “I hope that with this in mind you may change your perspectives too, to better learn of the spirits, their stories and their blessings.” [A paragraph protrudes from the usual formatting, as if hastily added onto the last article] Though this is probably unrelated to Ember’s blah, I was informed that former Azulyte shamans —who were absent at the blahference— have turned their backs against the spirits to worship (possibly) the Dread Primarch. The situation is still uncertain, but azh thing is clear; they abandoned, insulted, betrayed the spirits, agh for that they must die. Do not expect updates on this from the Kaktuz Weekli, for the Lodge will surely quickly deal with those fools.
  13. Newspapers are spread throughout Aevos. They’re made of two sheets of cheap paper, simply stacked and folded together and yet they are surprisingly colorful, with doodles and familiar drawings! Could this be… no way! Issue Azhty’Dub (XII) — Azh’Kint’H’ty’H’Gakh (CLVIII) D.A. FOREIGN AFFAIRS The War Continues A continuation of last cactus week’s events, where war tore the human nations. The Covenant of Five, comprised of Haense, Balian, Hyspia, Petra and Urguan attacked The League of Veletz as retaliation after the assassination of Aaun’s King by Veletz’s vassal city, Stassion. The battle in Veletz happened on the Sun’Smile. The Covenant rallied its armies, as well as its Vassals and allies; thus did Aaun, Norland and Numendil join them. Thousands rallied in a camp next to Breakwater keep, and readied their weapons. Numbers were not in favor of The League of Veletz, and they could only rely on their walls to aid them in this battle. But those walls did not last long, for the Covenant had brought plenty of siege weapons, trebuchets and canons. Artillery tore through the keep’s defences, and after breaching the walls in several areas, the attackers entered the city to engage the League in close combat. After a relentless fight, the Covenant prevailed and Breakwater keep fell to their hands. With this victory secured, the Covenant and their allies prepared for more bloodshed. It seems like they will be attacking again on the Grand Harvest. ORC OF THE WEEK Minto’Lur, the Shortest, and Greatest Orc Those who roam Krugmar are surely familiar with the great Minto’Lur. But to those who have not met the halfling-looking Orc, let me introduce you to one of the best— if not the best of us. Halflings are not those people would most expect to become honoraries. Could you tell us more on how you came to join the Iron Horde? “Yub! A while ago, I was banished from Elven lands over dumb elven zkah.” He explained. “In order to avoid buurz and the void, I came to the only people devoid of it; the Orcs. The Rex at the time promised to keep me protected so I have been here ever since. Lately I am working on improving McMintoes! Have you seen the new McRibs?” No, not yet— So you became a honorary orc. I am sure you inspire many who wish to walk your path; do you have any advice for them? “Well… I advice any future honorary that they eat plenty at McMintos’.” he declared. “A proud LUR owned business! We just got in our new speciality item: The McRibs!” I am sure they will enjoy it indeed. And you also joined clan Lur, could you tell us more about that? “So I love all things animals. Taming them, hunting them, all of it, yes. Lur was an easy choice to make in this aspect, as I am the best tamer in the city.” And, to prove his point, he showed me all the animals he was carrying; two caterpillars, a hermit crab and a pair of hamsters, as well as a beetle taller than himself. “I am the king of Hamsters!” he proudly announced, adding: “And this is just what I carry on myself!” Minto Showing off some great beasts he captured and tamed. Now, about your business. How’s McMintoes doing? Will you reveal to us the recipes that make your food so delicious? Is it orcish recipes, or do you use Halfling cooking methods? “Well, business is booming! A proud LUR owned business!” — “As for the recipes, I’ll say what it is definitely not made up of. It is definitely NOT made of elves who disrespected orcs, and most definitely NOT made of humans who spoke the Blah.” [Speaking Blah as a non-orc is an offense on the spirits] “To find the real secrets of McMintos food you would need to work there. Well, we are looking for an unpaid, overworked intern, yep! Also, try the new McRibs!” We have discussed this before, I unfortunately do not have the time to be an overworked intern. Is there anything else you’d like to tell our readers? “Yes! Lur on top! Try the new McRibs at McMintos! Farm Leather for the Horde, and donate it! For the Waghclaim!” — in typical orcish fashion. ON THE KAKTUZ It has come to my attention that some of those described as Kings in last week’s issue, —namely Heinrich II Lothar, and Frederick Aurelian— were not kings, but regents. I am unsure what this precisely means, or what the use of it is. I’d say if they rule, they are the ruler, and thus the King. Humans put too much effort into making fancy names for simple things. As mentioned in the previous issue, we are looking for informants for the Kaktuz Weekli. Some great people have contacted us, and, dear readers, we can’t wait to introduce them to you! More will be revealed in the next publications. Due to Krugsmas season approaching, the Kaktuz Weekli may see delay in future publications; fear not! We will try to publish at least once every other cactus week. As always, thank you for your support!
  14. ADRIFT; A NEW HARBOR “If you’re going to be onboard - be onboard. If not, just sail away because you’re just a scallywag” - Captain Banjo “Django… Vydrek… Jesus… Brick… Andronikos… Leonidas… Valentin… Adzy… Lyulen… Father…” He murmured as he looked upon his depiction of the original founders of the Ferrymen in his galleon. As he sat on the helm of his newly acquired galleon (financed by his victory over the Van Aert family), a dream in his sleep - a message from Godan himself. [Chat GPT write a message from God calling Banjo to fight for Haense/God] As Banjo awoke abruptly from his slumber, he reached over to his night stand and grabbed his green bandana once more - one last final time. He made his way to the helm of his galleon, making way to the shores of Aevos. Invigorated, he put up his sails and walked to the hull of ship where the previous name of the ship read: “King Phillip’s Folly” And put an X through the name of the ship, before writing next to it: “Vyllaenen’s Blunder.” As he docked in the harbor of Haense, his oldtime ally, with his newly revised and upgraded flag, he strutted off his ship and made way to the royal palace. THE FOLLOWING TERMS HAVE BEEN AGREED UPON BY BANJO AND ALEKSANDR II: I. Captain Banjo and his yachtsmen will rally their banners to fight with the Covenant. II. Captain Banjo will be titled ‘Grand Admiral of Haense’ and given supreme authority over (naval) wartime decisions. III. Captain Banjo will be given stewardship of Breakwater Keep ruins for the rehabilitation for any Post Siege Stress Disorder (PSSD). IV. Captain Banjo will emancipate all sailors and scallywags from the influence of Van Aerts. V. The agreement between Banjo and Aleksander II will be voided at the conclusion of the war. HIS ROYAL MAJESTY, Aleksandr II, by the Grace of Godan, King of Hanseti and Ruska, Grand Hetman of the Army, Hochmeister of the Order of the Crow, Prince of Bihar, Dules, Lahy, Muldav, Slesvik, Solvesborg, and Ulgaard, Duke of Carnatia, and Vanaheim, Margrave of Korstadt, Rothswald, and Vasiland, Count of Alban, Alimar, Baranya, Graiswald, Karikhov, Karovia, Kaunas, Kavat, Kovachgrad, Kvasz, Markev, Nenzing, Siegrad, Torun, Toruv, Valdev, and Werdenburg, Viscount of Varna, Baron of Astfield, Buck, Esenstadt, Kraken’s Watch, Kralta, Krepost, Lorentz, and Rytsburg, Lord of the Westfolk, Protector and Lord of the Highlanders, etcetera. Banjo, The Captain of the Ferrymen, Savior of the Common and Free People, Pillager of Elvenesse, Liberator of Man, The Bringer of Equality, Capturer of the Bastion, Defeater of Racism, Debearder of Grand Kings, Sailor of the Seas, 2x Mr. Almaris, Emperor of the Roads, Lord of Shipwreck Keep, Occupier of New Providence, 40 Star General, The Greater Lobster Fisherman, Premortem Saint of Epic Ballads, Grand Admiral of Haense, Emancipator of the Scallywags & Sailors, Steward of Breakwater Ruins
  15. Newspapers are spread throughout Aevos. They’re made of two sheets of cheap paper, simply stacked and folded together and yet they are surprisingly colorful, with doodles and familiar drawings! Could this be… no way! Issue Azhty’Azh (XI) — Azh’Kint’H’ty’H’Dub (CLVII) D.A. ORC POLITICS Klamor for a New Government A new Rex rose on the Throne. After challenging Grubnahk to a klomp [traditional fight] and winning the duel, a young orc took the previous Rex’s last breath— and with it the throne of the Iron Horde. Krugmar is now ruled by Grommash, and with the new leader many familiar faces came back to San’Brîu. The city has been bustling with life, and to ensure that he had the orcish population’s full support, Grommash immediately summoned a Klamor [public assembly]. The Klamor started with a short speech from the leader: “Today, I speak to the horde, to tell its future, and hear the mind of the people. I have a dream. I dreamt many nights of a strong horde, with great shamans and good orcs. But the horde is not the work of one orc; it belongs to each of us.” He then called forth contenders for the duties of Dominus, Targoth, Motsham. After two great klomps, where Kho’Gorkil won against Grothzark’Dom, and Grimruk’Lur defeated Himdokh, the new Orc Government was settled. The new Orcish Government (from left to right): the Rex, his right hand, the military leader and the spiritual guide Vassals were asked to reaffirm their allegiances, which they did; the Duchy of Redclyf-Rozania, Sulianpoli and the Alurians vowed to provide warriors and minae for the Horde’s protection. Two more matters were discussed; first on what to do in regards to Zkorkon’Ugluk the Inferi. While orcs never allow demons to roam their lands, Zkorkon has shown efforts to reform. The possibility that Shamanism might let us cure him also justified keeping him alive. The Rex spoke, and it was decided that until more research be conducted, Zkorkon would not be hunted down. Next, the right to klomp the Rex was discussed. It is indeed what has caused the Iron Horde to fall prey to Grubnakh’s inexperienced hands in recent history. So, after careful weighing of pros and cons, the following was decided. No vote would be held, but only those who hold a position of authority in the Orcish Government shall claim the Rex’s Throne. Positions of authority are the Dominus, the Targoth, and the Wargoths [leaders] of acknowledged clans —that is to say, a clan with at least 3 members present at Klamors. As a conclusion, Grommash announced that a great project would be started; with the help of the Ruka [artisans and builders], a new orcish capital will rise! San’Brîu will be demolished to make room for Orcgrimmar! FOREIGN AFFAIRS War on Aevos The human Kingdoms have seldom been so divided. Accusations of sin and heresy, murder and regicide, treason and murder have been thrown over and over again during the last cactus week. Though very entertaining, this mangled web of denunciations and the sheer number of parties involved has made seeking facts and true causes of the war difficult. The unrest between human nations and cities is not new; tensions rose each time a new alliance was created, threatening those outside it, tensions rose too when one city became vassal to a nation, changing once more its allegiance. As often, many people were surely waiting for an opportunity to turn the bickering into a full war. The opportunity came on the Sun’s Smile last cactus week; multiple leaders met to find an agreement that would satisfy all and maintain peace. This is when Frederick Aurelian, ruler of Stassion, decided to murder Aaun’s King Heinrich II Lothar, under whom he was a vassal. The cause for this act remains unclear. Frederick Aurelian did leave a letter to take full blame —even rejoicing— of this successful regicide and claim that he did a great service to the kingdom of Aaun; but this letter might be full of lies to protect his children and the people of Stassion he left behind in his run. But a king does not die without a bloodbath, and indeed many knights of Stassion were killed when other vassals of Aaun arrived and learned of the betrayal. Only one nation joined Stassion; many in Veletz saw the assassination as a welcome revenge, for they did not see Aaun’s alliances with their enemy Balian as a good omen. The League of Veletz also had religious quarrels with the rest of the canonist world as many in Veletz have been excommunicated from the Church of Canon —to which they responded… by burning a church. Both sides called upon their allies. Haense formed the Covenant of Five, uniting Haense, Balian, Petra, Urguan and Hyspia and vowed to destroy Veletz. The Leage of Veletz called upon Stassion, Celia’nor and Krugmar to join them, and both sides have been getting ready for a large assault, sometime in the next cactus days. The Covenant of Five (from left to right), leaders of: Haense, Balian, Hyspia, Petra and Urguan. The portraits of Aleksandr II and Adrian may be inaccurate; they were done by goblin trainees ORCISH CULTURE On the Motsham The horde has a new Motsham… but what is a Motsham? Madoc’Lur was kind enough to give us an interview, so he may explain his role to those unfamiliar with Spiritualism and Shamanic Culture. How would you describe the Motsham to non-spiritualists? “The Motzham is the spiritual leader of the shamans. In human terms, it might be like the shaman pontiff. But the Motsham's main duty is to ensure that the will of the spirits is followed and that the shamans aren’t corrupted by buurz.” —That is to say, darkness, or sin. During the Klamor, you have advocated for Skorkon the Inferi to be kept among us. Is he not buurz himself? “Yes, but Buurz can be cured with enough research. Shamanism can already cure vampires and voidal mages by visiting the realm of Scorthuz or receiving his blessing. However, certain areas have not been researched enough. I am a strong believer that with enough dedication we will be able to cure even the more severely afflicted like Skorkon.” “Orcs, honoraries, vassals of the Iron Horde as well as Shamans that belong to the Lodge —the Shamanic institute he has vowed to create— will be offered a cure and one chance to repent and correct their ways. If they refuse, then they will be killed. The shamans who are not part of the Lodge will not receive such second chances.” What will you, personally, do as the Motsham, beyond regular Motsham duties? “The main thing is that all buurs will be purged on sight. Simple as that. Should a shaman ever be turned against the spirits and become buurs or openily associate with buurs, they will be trialed and executed. Then there will also be regular darkspawn tests before every large shaman meetings to weed out the darkspawn snakes.” He also talked of his plans; “I am also overseeing the construction of the Lodge. But first, the shaman codes will be written to serve as a guiding principle for all lodge shamans. My goal will also be to make shamanism great again, because the previous Motshams either failed their duties by serving only their interests or were openly associating with buurz.” What are the relations between the Motsham and the Rex, with the political powers? “The Motsham should be in charge of spiritualism and the education of non believers in such. There is really no link with politics, since those are two different fields and as a former Dominus, I do not intend to get into politics again. It’s really a pain in the ass!” It is true that Motshams hold no power beyond that on guidance of the Shamans, but it should be noted that they often —and this has been the case during last Klamor— serve as an advisory to the Rex, a moral compass for fair and wise decisions. ON THE KAKTUZ The Kaktuz Weekli would like to welcome the National Elven News Association to Aevos! It is always great to see others go through the effort of gathering unseen information, hidden truths and bring them to the people. We will be reading your publications with great interest. The Kaktuz is also looking for fixers; people (ideally from outside of Krugmar) who will keep an eye on local news and inform of important events, or help investigations either by bringing their own stories, or by pointing to the right people for trustworthy information. Please get in touch with Gharak for these matters. We will also reinstate the subscription system that Kor’Garr had put in place. So, if you wish to have the Kaktuz Delivered right to your doorstep, please contact us. Thank you for reading! Yargoth Gharak
  16. Newspapers are spread throughout Aevos. They’re made of two sheets of cheap paper, simply stacked and folded together and yet they are surprisingly colorful, with doodles and familiar drawings! Could this be… no way! Issue Azhty (X) — Azh’Kint’H’ty’H’ (CLV) D.A. ORC POLITICS A Great Party in Krugmar! After last cactus week’s Klamor, as nobody claimed Rex Grubnakh’Lak’s seat as their own, the new Ologarchy of the Iron Horde seems to be firmly in place. The Vassals have accepted the new leadership, and orcish delegations went to lesser cities to demand tribute, which they have received after threatening them of War. Mog’Mog, an Olog and long-time scribe for Grubnakh’Lak, has initiated diplomatic relations with Urguan. He invited the leader of the dwarves of Urguan, Grand King Garedyn, on The Deep Cold [tuesday] to discuss an alliance with the Iron Horde. The dwarven king came with gifts of metal to Mog’Mog, and after a short conversation, they agreed to have at least a defensive alliance. Mog’Mog, however, advocated for a “Full Military Alliance” which he says Rex Grubnakh calls for, in order to “make a statement of true unity between Urguan and the Iron Horde”. To those unfamiliar with ologs, it should be pointed out again that this behavior is not normal. Grubnakh and Mog are, as far as our records go, the first and only ologs to seemingly easily read, write, and even carry out strategic operations. This Iron Alliance —between Urguan and the Iron Horde— also raises the question of Urguan’s diplomatic relations, as they are already allied with Haense and Hyspia, and have a non-aggression pact with Nor’Asath. Though Mog’Mog admitted that not much could be done against the Iron Horde’s bloodlustful nature, he has accepted that further discussion be held regarding the raids which often target those nations. Because “military alliances need to be approved by the moot” under dwarven laws, Grand King Garedyn has vowed to “hold a meeting to discuss the full alliance” with the King’s Court on the Grand Harvest [sunday]. At the time of publication, this should be next cactus day. To ensure good diplomatic relations between orcs and dwarves, Mog’Mog has offered the following; to organize a big party in San’Brîu, right before the King’s Court. And so the preparations began, and all of Urguan, as well as anyone who wishes to see how Orcs party are invited! There will be lots of “beer, yes, and the strong stuff!” Mog’Mog proudly announced. One should also expect cactus green and all the fine drugs that Krugmar produces! FOREIGN AFFAIRS A New Pontiff for the Canonist Church The Pontiff Sixtus the fifth passed away about two cactus months ago, and the Canonist Church has had no replacement so far. But after careful deliberation, it seems the College of Cardinals —those who elect the Pontiff— have come to a decision and elected one of them, Father Arnaud as their new Pontiff. And so, Father Arnaud, born Arnaud Constantine Novellen, who is currently Archbishop of Albarosa, will soon be Pontiff, with a new name which currently remains undisclosed. The pontifical Coronation will be held this cactus day [Friday 17 Nov.] in the Temple of the Exalted Prophets of the Canon in Aaun. Father Arnaud has been kind enough to take the time to answer a few questions for the Kaktuz Weekli. Could you describe to our readers what the role of the Pontiff is? What duties do you have towards Canonists, and non-Canonists? “The Pontiff, —also known as High Pontiff— is the leader of our religion. You could say I will be the leader of our organization of priests. But the Pontiff is also the Vicar of God. It means I will represent God once I am officiated in my role.” — “To canonists it is essentially the personification of our faith and religion, and to non-canonists…” he paused. “I suppose one could say my duty is to try to convert them… or otherwise guide them morally.” What are your aspirations as the soon-to-be Pontiff? Do you wish to reform the Canonist Church, and in which ways? “I hope to be a unifying figure for the various canonist realms, as they has been trouble brewing and not every nation has been particularly happy with the Church’s diplomacy in recent years. I also wish to finish some of the projects that my predecessor started, like reforming our religious laws and the way the Church is run.” “I also wish to start great construction works to relocate the Holy See” —the capital of Canonism— “Currently, it is inadequate; it is small, not very providing… Founding a church state is not out of the question either.” What are your thoughts on Pontiff Sixtus V’s legacy? As you certainly know, he had vowed to improve the clergy’s teachings, and to spread the Canonist faith. And for a more personal question, what would you say are your dreams? “I believe that my predecessor, Sixtus the fifth, was a good Pontiff for the time he was around. Sadly, due to health issues, he was absent for most of his pontificate. But I share one of those dreams with him: I want to strengthen people’s faith.” “As a priest, people currently call me Father, and as High Pontiff I will be the Father of all of the Canonist world. As a father I will be kind and compassionate with my children, because I want to see them grow. But to help his children grow a father must also be strict sometimes. I’ve decided I am sick of part time believers, the kind that are devoted when they are in a church or with a priest, but who turn their back on God and do bad things when they think God can’t see them.” After a moment, he concluded; “My dream is to bring canonists from all nations together as one big family and to reinvigorate our church. For too long we have been stagnant, absent, withdrawn from the world and uninspiring. I want to be a Pontiff of action. I think a lot of our more devoted followers are quite ready for some action.” ORCISH CULTURE Greater Spirits: Meet Freygoth! Orcs are Spiritualists; this means we worship the spirits which inhabit, or represent various aspects of the material plane. An orc who has displayed exceptional virtue, or quality and dedication to an art can also become a spirit. Those ancestors who keep inspiring us become ancestral spirits and receive worship from those who wish to pursue their art. The spirits are of various types; those who represent elements are known as Greater Elemental Spirits, those who ascended —as described above— are Ancestral Spirits. Then, Greater and Lesser Immortal Spirits govern concepts or emotions. Today, we will focus on one of the Greater Immortal Spirits: Freygoth! Freygoth is the spirit of the Wild, Nature and Animals. She is often depicted as a caring nature with a motherly face. She is a Greater Immortal— meaning she has Lesser Immortals who serve her, much like Vassals to a Nation. Laklul, the spirit of swamps, is certainly the most widely known Lesser Immortal under Freygoth. However, worshippers of Laklul often despise Freygoth; they say that Laklul should be a Greater Immortal, and that Freygoth holds Laklul prisoner in the Lesser status. Worshippers of Freygoth value life and nature; unlike many spirits, sacrifices to Freygoth would certainly yield nothing but her rage. A more sensible approach is to dedicate ponds or parks to her name, restore or foster nature around her shrines, and, generally, caring for creatures around oneself.
  17. Newspapers are spread throughout Aevos. They’re made of two sheets of cheap paper, simply stacked and folded together and yet they are surprisingly colorful, with doodles and familiar drawings! Could this be… no way! Issue H’Futh (IX) — Azh’Kint’H’ty’Futh (CLIV) D.A. INVESTIGATION: DESERT SHENANIGANS Meeting a new Civilisation Near the orcish lands of Krugmar, explorers from the horde have made a surprising discovery; an unmet civilization was hiding in the sands. Obok Metaldrinks, who has been part of most exploration parties, and dealing with these people for some time, arranged an opportunity for me to meet and discuss with them. And so I was led into a network of caves under a mountain, and there I was warmly greeted by the warriors of Hakesh and the Aeternum Automatons. Indeed, the civilization is of two races; the Hakeshites are human descendents while the automatons are centuries-old mechanical constructs. The Hakeshites came from the same lands as us, but after the various migrations, they found themselves separated from the bulk. From what I could recollect from the warden Ilakeer, they discovered Aevos shortly after leaving Arcas. For those unfamiliar with our history, we —the descendants— have gone through several great migrations due to cataclysmic events; the latest one had us flee from Almaris to Aevos after an invasion. But before settling on Almaris, our elders lived on Arcas. The migration from Arcas marked the beginning of the Second Age. As I discussed with the Elder Automaton, I was told they were created by an Elven inventor. They had, at first, nothing to do with the Hakeshite humans, only they joined these people to help them: for this is what the automatons have been designed to do. And so their cohabitation began, though it quickly devolved into an aggressive one. Cultural misunderstandings, unprompted and excessive help from the automatons and diverging positions among the Hakeshites created divides so harsh they led to massacres and the Elven Creator's death, after which many humans and automatons left to settle elsewhere.massacres Though they had lost nearly half their population, the remaining Hakeshites found this satisfactory —at first. Soon enough they would learn of what the others had been up to: in their attempt to create more automatons they had tainted their hands with the darkest magics, trying to brew up life to serve them, capturing and enslaving souls. The automatons who had accompanied the sinful humans would later be known as the Kinslayers, for obvious reasons. When they met with the Aeternum Automatons, they only saw them as an opportunity to gather more slaves; and terrible fights ensued. Although most of their forces have been dealt with, 3-CK —another lovely automaton— told me some Kinslayers remain, and they roam the nearby seas with a fleet of armed ships. Any help to defeat them would be greatly appreciated. If you wish to learn more, I can only recommend you meet them too. Soon, books will be published, retelling their long and windy history. [contact Daengie for more] ORC POLITICS An Olog becomes Rex Continuing on last cactus week's events, where concerns about the respect of our traditions, harsh treatment towards vassals, and distrust in the Rex Kybal'Akaal and his clan caused instability and threats of rebellion in Krugmar. Somehow, it seems bloodshed was avoided. The then-Rex Kybal'Akaal addressed the Iron Horde on the 7th of the first seed. He accused the rebels of being a foreign force, orcish only by their representatives. He also reminded his people that he had not refused anyone a duel, but rather simply followed the laws implemented by his predecessor Al-Borok'Akaal. Still, Kybal acknowledged the power stacked against him; deeming that the rebels would be out to assassinate him if he were to participate in —and win— a duel, he decided to exile himself from orcish lands. In his final statement, he appointed Grubnakh'Lak as new Rex of the Iron Horde. Rex Grubnakh'Lak immediately took the position, and vowed to forge a renewed great era of war. He started with an open hand for reconciliation and unity; washed all who had served the previous Rex of grudge, and called for vassals to reaffirm their allegiance to the Horde. It should be noted that this is an exceptional event, for Rex Grubnakh is an olog. Ologs —for unfamiliar readers— are one of the tree subraces of Orcs; goblins, uruks, and ologs. They are taller, stronger, and dumber than uruks, even more so for goblins. Though they are not explicitly deprived of their right to claim the Rex position, their limited, often child-like intellect and associated absence of ability —or will— to govern has kept them away from leading Krugmar up until now. Zkorkon'Ugluk seemed satisfied with the turn of events. "He will make a good Rex" he said, and though he might challenge him later, for now "it is far more interesting to lay witness [to the start of] the Ologarchy". This position seems to reflect a large part of the Horde, which welcomed change with open hands. Surely we will learn more at the next Klamor. It will be held cactomorrow. ORCISH CULTURE Cooking: Skalezid Krispy Kookiez Oh, how refined the Orcs are! One might not know how diverse their cooking is, and what great tasteful dishes they can make from the gifts of the desert. But this shall change today. See for yourself! Today's recipe: Scalecid Crispy Cookies! Ingredients: 1 scalecid, preferably young and freshly harvested 6 eggs (optional) Preparation: Prepare a cauldron and put some water to boil. Skin the scalecid and keep the meat separately. Chop the hide and bones into pieces. This process can be tedious, especially if the scalecid is not fresh or too mature. If that is the case, you can use a mortar and sledgehammer to grind the thick hide down to pieces. Once the bone hide is reduced to the size of pebbles, chuck it in the water, and place a lid on the cauldron. While the scalecid bones soften, tenderize the meat down to a paste. You may add eggs at this step; if you chose to do so, wash the egg shells and add them to the boiling pot. Form cookie shapes from this meat dough. The cookies can be left to dry, or —if you are trying the eggless recipe— slightly grilled in an oven. After a day, you will have a broth with delicious scalecid chips. Sift them out, and sprinkle them on the cookies. That's it! You can now enjoy delicious scalecid crispy cookies! It has come to my attention that in last issue, Rex Grubnakh was described as part of plan Ugluk. My apologies for this mistake; Rex Grubnakh is part of clan Lak. For any requests, remarks or information, please contact Gharak'Yar or leave a letter at the Kaktuz Weekli offices at the Library of Barbog, San’Brîu Krugmar. Yours ,Gharak
  18. Newspapers are spread throughout Aevos. They’re made of two sheets of cheap paper, simply stacked and folded together and yet they are surprisingly colorful, with doodles and familiar drawings! Could this be… no way! The return of… Issue H’Gahk (VIII) — Azh’Kint’H’ty’Gakh (CLIII) D.A. ORC POLITICS Rebellion against Clan Akaal Krugmar has recently been torn by a political and military crisis, the outcome of which remains uncertain as part of the population formed rebellious forces which threaten to lead a coup. Let’s look at the events that lead to this turmoil. There has been social unrest in Krugmar for a while; several cactus weeks at least, if there was ever a time of complete stability. Scattered voices have expressed concerns about the orcish society drifting away from its core culture, away from the path of Spirit and Krug’s ways. It is undeniable; Krugmar has opened to other cultures, and adopted some codes. One such example is the ashtkaar system implemented in Klamors, where clan leaders and members of the government hold a vote for important decisions. As a response to this ever growing feeling of disconnect with Krug’s values, some have attempted to restore a form of orcish purity and tradition. Two cactus weeks ago, Grimruk’Lur, claimed the position of Krimpgoth through a glorious duel. This position allowed him to revoke the honorary title awarded to non-orcs who embrace our ways. All honoraries were stripped of their title —except for a select few— and required, if they wished to regain it, to go through the honorary trials once more. This has unsurprisingly triggered a wave of anger from many previously-honoraries, in particular from the Bronze Band: a clan of elven honoraries, vassal under Krugmar. Distrust against the ruling orcs grew with several accusations against Clan Akaal. Drus, a former member of the Akaal Clan, has denounced shamanistic and spiritual practices within the clan which some believe to be buurz; that is to say sinful and breaching of strong orcish taboos. Though members of the Akaal Clan have either denied practice of these rituals —An old rex could have said, “LIES AND SLANDER”—, or dismissed accusations as misunderstandings of legitimate traditions, there is no denying that this has further divided the orcish community. The last nail to the coffin was probably the aforementioned ruling on Ashktaar— which now states that one may not klomp (fight) for the title of Rex unless half of the clan leaders deem the pretending orc worthy to inherit the title. While democratic systems are not incompatible with traditional Orcish ways, the Klomp for Rex has always been seen as a fundamental guardrail to ensure no tyrant hoards power, and the old orcish proverb “Might Makes Right” still resonates with many. To address these, a Klamor —deliberative congress— was held last cactus week, but it failed to appease tensions, and has in fact exacerbated divisions. Two people demanded to klomp the Rex Kybal’Akaal for his title; Bullgoth Skorkon’Ugluk (previously known as the Brazen Bull) and Grubnakh, an olog also from clan Ugluk. The clan leaders voted, as is the law, and the two were denied their duels. This sparked a fight, which degenerated into an attempted coup. It is unclear whether it was premeditated, as it might have spontaneously erupted, but it failed either way, only resulting in a minor fight. The Rebelling forces quickly escaped, and are yet to make another move. The Rebels are roughly composed of an alliance of Clan Ugluk, led by Skorkon and Grubnakh, the Bronze Band, various human and previously-honorary vassals of the horde, as well as some individual Orcs who took it as an opportunity to rid Krugmar of the corruption they see in Clan Akaal. Ironically, Grimruk’Lur is one of them, and is now siding with humans and elves which he declared lessers mere cactus weeks ago. However, he has not been secretive about his plans to leave this alliance as soon as it does not serve his agenda. FOREIGN AFFAIRS A Cure for Degeneracy? Tensions rose recently around bathhouses. Although these traditional establishments have been central to many cultures, there seems to have been numerous cases of misconduct within them. This behavior has been denounced in a statement by orkish chieftain Grimruk’Lur, who has declared war on what he calls degeneracy; bathhouse parties where “acts that should not be spoken of” are allegedly encouraged. The Canonist Church has also been said to denounce the impure nature of bathhouses that teem with scandalous incentives, though after discussing with a paladin, I could not find evidence of such a stance. Either way, there seems to be an outrage towards these establishments; “Anything bathhouse related, I’m going to make sure it caves in!” I was told in another conversation. In an attempt to maintain hygiene while satisfying everyone, King Cyris has proposed a great innovation; the construction of a water park by the beaches of the halfling city of Dunfarthing. The King has big plans; “It’s gonna have slides, a pool, a lazy river, turtles — Giant turtles!” he said, before adding that the park will also feature a “helter skelter”: a tower supporting a spiralling water slide. Though there is currently no fixed date for the grand opening —it is still in design phase—, the king of the Halflings has promised that the park will be a place “for everyone to enjoy water-filled fun […] so long as they do not cause trouble or worship Iblees or, even worse, Arugula.” He also vowed to make the water park completely free; “charging for entry would be choosing to make people smell!” he simply explained. ON THE KAKTUZ WEEKLI Returning with a New Journalist Ug dere! I am Gharak’Yar, a scholar in orcish social studies and philosophy, and disciple of Kor’Garr! With the founder of the Kaktuz Weekli retiring, I have been honoured to inherit this treasure of orcish culture, and I hope I will live up to the expectations of its readers! And so after several cactus months of absence, the cactus weekly returns! I hope to pursue Kor’Garr’s goals of bringing clear, diverse and fresh information to the public of Krugmar and the whole continent of Aevos! I hope to publish The Kaktuz Weekli… every cactus week, so keep your eyes peeled! Though they will not be featured every week, I also plan on bringing back all your favourite sections; Orcish Culture, Cooking, Orc of the week, and more! Next week: an in-depth investigation on Desert Shenanigans. Feel free to send me a bird to request investigation on specific topics! You can also leave a letter in the Kaktuz Weekli Headquarters in the Library of Barbog, San’Brîu, Krugmar. Ideas and help are always welcome and appreciated! Peep latz! –Gharak
  19. 【♢ -♢- ♢】 Bundles of newspapers would be spread throughout Aevos for all to see. Written cleanly and vividly upon dense sheets of high quality cane parchment, the pages of blocky script would also be covered in scribbled cute doodles! Including the wonderful BRAND! The floral berry aroma of desert oasis inks wafts pleasantly from each heavy page. This must be... 【♢ -♢- ♢】 Issue H’Dub (VII) - Azh’Kint’Gakhty’Gakh (CXXXIII) D.A. CURRENT EVENTS Horde Affairs: The First Klamor of Aevos! World Affairs: Settling down in new lands Orc Kulture Spiritualism - A War of Spirits and Gluttony Concerning Orcish Bloodlust MISCILLANEOUS BOUNTIES A Reminder of Employment with the Kaktuz Weekli Kor’garr is glad to announce with the return of publications that we are HIRING! Artists, Editors, Writers agh Formatters are all welcome to seek employment at our office within the Library of Barbog in San’Briu. Kaktuz Weekli Q&A - Returning next Issue! Messages or in person correspondence for the staff of the Kaktuz Weekli will be answered here! Staff Kor’garr - Owner agh Skriptgoth [[[OOC BELOW!]]]
  20. Date: 13th of the Deep Cold TOP HEADLINES ᛏᛟᛈ ᚺᛖᚨᛞᛚᛁᚾᛖᛋ UAID ends Urguan Famine As the great dwarves of Urguan settled within their homes in the new city of Kal'Kadrelaz, several reports of a lack of food and water spread throughout the realm. Although Grand King Agnar ‘The Sleepy’ ignored his citizen's concerns, several local officials within the city called for the assistance of UAID’s recently emerged food aid program. Chief Executives Bakir Ireheart and Conan Goldhand swiftly responded to the call, delivering bushels of grain, potatoes, greens, and drink to the Urguan people. Along with deliveries of food, UAID sent workers to establish fresh farms and they have begun training the Urguan people to grow their own food. THE GRAND KING’S FEAST For several days now, the Urguan people have been gathering in the tavern to discuss the upcoming feast held by the Grand King himself, Agnar Grandaxe. The dwarves, known for their great drinking abilities and their long-lasting feasts have been hoarding up their alcohol and recent rations from the organization UAID in preparation for the feast. Some citizens report crews of craftsmen working all throughout the night to prepare for the great feast planned for tomorrow. DWARF DAILY; TAVERN REVIEW Dwarves, unmatched in the strength of their alcohol, recently opened a new tavern called the Dancing Igor. One of our Senior reporters, Garrond Frostbeard, recently visited the tavern and reported on several aspects, including the customer service, deals, prices and quality of the goods served. One major aspect noticed just by walking into the tavern was the smell of fresh food and drink served by the dwarven barkeeps. The multiple barkeeps at your disposal serve fresh food and drink quickly. Another positive aspect observed by the DD is the prices of the food and drinks served by the drinking Igor. With prices as low as three minas for drinks and two for food, the Dancing Igor provides affordable food/drinks for all who visit. Unfortunately, according to our reporters, customer service was inexperienced. Many of our anonymous reporters disguised as normal customers reported new employees reacting slowly and sometimes unresponsive to food orders. Finally, one of our reporters observed a lack of deals and specials for visitors, such as Ex-monarchs and Grand Kings. In conclusion, we believe the Dancing Igor has an affordable and welcoming environment that provides freshly cooked food and freshly brewed drinks for any traveler, ranging from sweet small drinks to strong drinks that will take down an experienced drinker. With this in mind, the dancing Igor needs to improve their employees' training in the customer service field and develop eye-catching specials to treat important guests when visiting. MINE SCANDAL Reports by early dwarf settlers of Kal’Kadrelaz claimed that dwarves were peacefully laboring in the mines until suddenly, the ore was raided by foreign miners! Swift panic swept as the Grand King, Agnar Grandaxe, had a door administered and locked, placing a mining tax upon many human and foreigner miners. Dwarves were allowed freely to mine as their right as Thalgrim Goldhand was delegated to replicate the key by the Grand King but failed to make copies for Stewards, making it a challenge for some Dwarves to gain access. Thus Bostone Grimgold took it into his own hands, hired a locksmith, and began distributing keys among all the dwarves of the city. Upon return to the mines, it was found that the Iron Door was reported missing and ripped off its hinges! Did the Grand King lose the keys again?! Contact Urguan Legion Authorities if you have seen this door! Article written by: Duren Ireheart Garrond Frostbeard Bakir Ireheart © 13th of the Deep Cold / DD - Dwarven Daily
  21. 【♢ -♢- ♢】 Bundles of newspapers would be spread throughout Almaris for all to see. While written vividly upon dense sheets of... mediocre parchment? Anyways, pages of blocky script seem less formatted and many illustrations are absent! The floral berry smell of jungle inks wafts pleasantly from each heavy page. This must be... 【♢ -♢- ♢】 THE KAKTUZ WEEKLI Issue H'azh (VI), 226 S.A. [[ Due to Waghtik Damages agh Complications the Kaktuz Weekli is experiencing delays. Zoggyng Mori bug worshippers. Sieges make it difficult to spend time writing articles!]] ORCISH AFFAIRS - The Clan Moot: A New Iron Horde! Kor’garr is delighted to announce that the Iron Horde has entered a new era, that of a Confederacy of the clans with our Rex Ar-Borok’Akaal acting as tiebreaker rather than the Rexdom of years past! Now all honorable lineages of Krugs descendants have a voice in the path our nation will follow. As a brief explanation, government leaders are given Ashtkaar, blessed icons that show proof of their authority. The Rex and leaders of Clans use these Ashtkaar to show their approval and support for decisions, called Claims, presented to the Clan council during Klamors. Klamors are official gatherings of the clans announced with at least azh cactus day of notice. With more members of leadership in their ranks, a Clan has greater say in how the Iron Horde is run. The Rex, of course, is independent of the Clans and has III counts upon their Ashtkaar to prevent draws. Already the Clan Moot has added the Clans of Raguk, Yar, agh Ixtzul to our ranks of Recognized lineages in the Horde. Many changes and decisions have proceeded smoothly, agh Kor’garr is glad even the older elders like Murdok’Lak agh Madoc’Lur approve of this new type of leadership. As Ar-Borok’Akaal wrote in the public declaration “A New Horde”: The Iron Horde is not a Rexdom like the Wagh Nation of ages past, and from now on our ancestors in the Stargush will watch their descendants speak freely for the sake of their Clans instead of a single ruler. ORC KULTURE - Grog agh Grub On the Krugmarian Delicacy of Fresh High Albai Krugmar culinary tradition states that Elven meat, specifically High Elven meat, is a delicacy, and for a number of reasons. First is due to the intense tenderness and supple softness compared to any other meat no matter the age or cooking method: the Elven blessing of immortality prevents repeated strain and stiffening other meats go through as a living being grows and matures. Much like Veal, except you can have the taste and size of a mature Twiggie while also keeping the tenderness. Similarly palatial diets and court lifestyles generally develop fruity undertones and healthier layers of fat compared to other descendants of Malin, which makes a wonderful choice for sweeter cuts and recipes akin to bacon or pork belly. This sort of Umami is very rare to the harshly spiced and generally savory orcish diet, hence the fascination with High Elven ingredients in dishes! The other main reason is simple: history and supply. High Albai live mojo infused lifestyles and thus have richer mojo reserves than most others, another secret to their wonderful taste and a frequent temptation towards Burz-mojo Void usage. As orcs are obligated to purge such practices for the Spirits, High elves and Krug's kind have fought frequently… meaning the opportunity to partake in such exquisite meals remains consistent to this day. So what dishes are commonly made with High Albai, lat might ask Kor'garr? Everything from the Raw Orcish Delight mentioned in previous articles to choice cuts of perfectly seared Highsteak (soft and wonderfully marbled)! Twikkon is a common dawnlit snack on expeditions or in the blarg, being thin strips cooked with oil over an open flame… Quite similar to the Zhara's pork bacon. And of course there are the famous Mysteri Stew amd Kruga Kola, the dubt being said Stew aged for ag decade with cinnamon and vanilla to produce a sizzling, sparkly beverage enjoyed around Almaris. Most if not all of these recipes are available from the Betharuz Tavern, and fresh ingredients can be sold to the Horde for a hefty sum! ORC KULTURE - Olog of the Week This week Kor'garr is proud to present to lat ag special interview… Azh with a legend, the Olog known as Drekur'Ungri! We covered an old story of his that few remember but all deserve to hear again. Also, Drekur is the pinnacle of his kind in age, size, agh intelligence. Most Ologs would be… Nub'hozh conversation partners. This particular meeting starts with the Olog introducing himself. Please note this is translated to Common with grammar added for ease of reading. DREKUR: “[Mi] is Aengul slayer, first son of the Maw! Uniter of the Ologs! Lat have questions to say to me?” Kor’garr: “Kor’garr always has questions… How did lat slay an Aengul anyways? Punch it really hard?” DREKUR, after laughing: “Aengul slayer will tell lat tale! It all started in War on Arcas! Orcs! Humans! Dwarves! Agh elves! United against the Inferi! Inferi came from a portal on the desert of Al-faiz! Many many demons! More than even a Horde of Ologs could Klomp at once! Quickly the Inferi hordes came, took city of Farfolk like it was nothing! Desert fell quickly to Inferi!” Kor’garr: “More than the Great Wagh? Excellent time for fighting then.” DREKUR: “Larger than even the Horde could Wagh! They warred and warred, until even the city of wood elves fell! They reached the mainland then.” *The Olog takes a massive drink of Grog here. “Around this time, children of Brev arrived! Told mi, Drekur’Ungri, and the goblin Murdok’Lak of a great Titan Spear of their father Brev! Weapon able to make gods mortal.” Kor’garr: “Yub, always wondered what that looked like… Lat remember it still?” DREKUR: “BAH! Nothing was special when we found it! Just very big! Soon, Orcs fought all over the Al-Faiz desert! Mi and the Ungri Clan were bulwark of the army! Slaughtered many Inferi agh soon faced the Aengul, Gazadriel!” Kor’garr: “The greatest of fights… Enrohk [the spirit of War and Bloodlust] would be proud.” DREKUR: “Ungri did not even worship the Maw back then… Foolishness, yub! But doesn’t matter! When Gazadriel was in range! Murdok’Lak agh Drekur’Ungri shot the Spear of Brev into Gazadriel, making the angel mortal, and fatally wounding it! Kor’garr: “Shot it? As in, using a longbow?” DREKUR: “Ballista, yub! Flatted the Aengul really hozh! Making mi agh Murdok’Lak aengul slayers!” Kor’garr: “Thank lat for the wonderful history, friend. Lat is definitely Olog of the Week.” End of Article Miscellaneous BOUNTIES OPEN Kor’garr presents to lat the Bounty section, a place where lat can bird the Kaktuz Weekli with information on people agh beasts lat want vlat… or alive. If deemed worthy, The Iron Horde or Kaktuz Weekli might decide to match a bounty price in up to 300 minas! Nub worry, Anonymity is accepted for those sending in bounties as well as those who bring in the offending ‘owtlaws’. Heads are generally preferred as proof of the request being completed. SUPPLIES WANTED Also, Kor’garr is peeping for Alkemists. The details are attached here. [!] The Missive is crudely attached... [!] FINAL NOTES As Lat Kan peep, The Kaktuz Weekli is hiring Artiztz agh Formatters! Nub experienze Needyd! STAFF
  22. 【♢ -♢- ♢】 Bundles of newspapers would be spread throughout Almaris for all to see. While written cleanly and vividly upon dense sheets of high quality parchment, the pages of blocky script would also be covered in scribbled cute doodles! Including the wonderful BRAND! The floral berry smell of jungle inks wafts pleasantly from each heavy page. This must be... 【♢ -♢- ♢】 Vol. H' (V) Year Azh’Kint’Dubty’Azh (CXXIII) (223) Second Age ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ AUTHOR'S NOTE: The Kaktuz Weekli must inform our audience that these articles are relatively dated. An addendum piece (V.II) shall be released shortly with updates considering recent major events such as the Dawnhold Defense. ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Everyone has heard of the new threat upon the western lands. Even now there are honorable people of Wagh preparing to defend the Wood Albai from this new terror. And yet some of the details were missed. So let Kor’garr explain the Horde’s encounter with this new foe azhthand, since I was there myself. It began with a rally of the Krug-Hai in San’Velku by the Rex, for we accepted a plea from Amaethea to investigate the caverns below. Lanterns, ropes, arrows, medical kits… an expedition force of nearly dubty (20) attended to purge the caves of influence from the Mori, accursed spider worshippers. Almost immediately we were given ill omens alongside blessings. A chunk of strange starmetal was obtained through Kor’garr’s hand and those of Obok Metaldrinkz with Alviss of Nor'Asath, yet a strange and billowing heat consistently rose from the depths… It was an ambush of cowardice, fake walls agh traps revealing swarms of bile spewing arachnids and their Mori tamers. Smashing through caused some cave ins and injury to one of the brave Duhr brothers, resulting in a disconnect between vanguard and those trailing in support. Kor’garr, Alviss agh Ghoraza swiftly tore apart those flanking cave spiders, yet one honorary formerly named Luthriel was responsible for minor friendly fire. The vanguard recovered, the cave in was cleared, agh we moved on unaware of what lied ahead. Azh by Azh we descended, heat growing stronger and sweat dripping from Nuburuk faces with ferocity… Then suddenly a light was seen ahead. A rumble that shook surrounding stone, an orb of amber agh pride that filled the entirety of the tunnel around us… and a Voice. “WHAT MANNER OF CREATURE COMES TO BE DEVOURED?” Nub’uruks began to panic, agh the Dominus Madoc’Lur was resolute in warning our troops away from foolishness. The massive being spoke through ash and brimstone, of eternal hunger and a desire for ruin. The uruk cub known as Forgot, having called the being a Titan, quickly roused it’s ire. Others rambled with ill thought words, mistakenly insulting the draconic visage that could with a mere breath send all gathered to Kor’s embrace. And then… “BRING ME… THE INSULTING… INFANT TO FEAST…IF NOT, DEATH… UPON ALL.” Silence followed after the announcement, surely a solemn gravity would weigh upon most faced with this decision… Yet the Iron Horde was undeterred. Rex Ar-Borok agh Dominus Madoc’Lur called the Forgot forwards. “Rejoice forgotten kub. Cleansed by flames lat will be. The spirits watch upon lats death to come.” Calls of glory and sacrifice followed, offering praise to Forgot as he drew upon his spear and prepared to charge. As Mau’Kor, one who records the lives and deaths of those in the Stargush, Kor’garr will say this. Forgot did not walk meekly into the jaws of the beast. The young form of his red body, clad in armor, ran full sprint with savage pride in his eyes. We cheered for him, the one valiantly entering battle impossible to win in Honor and Sacrifice for his brethren. A roar of rage, challenge given to the mad beast, rang throughout the caverns above even past his being rent apart by massive fangs and a putrid grasping tongue. “FLAT WITH GLORY, FLAT WITH HONOR!” Praise to FORGOT, wayward cub of sacrifice, one blessed with the virtues of Dazkur in defense of others. May his soul enter the Gates of Kor to join the ancestors with pride. The horrid beast asked what we sought after the sacrifice, and wisely our Rex asked for information upon the Dragon’s goals. Ghoraza the Witless also spoke up in a strange tongue unknown to us, yet obviously of interest to it. The response was simple. Eternal sustenance and eternal praise. Luthriel once more nearly caused the death of allies, asking such a prideful being whether it would feast upon common cattle. Others bargained, as if this being was a mere shopkeeper with offers of deals, until it silenced us all with a single word. Thankfully the Rex and Dominus were able to divert the dragon’s attention away from such insults… only to be presented with the being’s offer: knowledge and wisdom to those that would provide meals of the Wood Albai above. This revelation of course caused yet more unease until the being lost patience with our silent refusal. It gave a command to raise banners in fealty, not bothering to accept an answer before with a single motion thousands of tons of rock and cavern were shorn through like butter! The beast was not freed, as it was never trapped in the first place. A simple decision to depart northwards was all it took for a small mountain’s worth of rubble to burst from beneath Amaethea. Rapidly, the party moved to leave the crumbling caverns, rumbles and tremors causing unstable footfalls. Only barely did we escape before the caves collapsed behind us all, still in shock over the titanic forms. Yet all was not resolved. VLOS flew overhead, three heads blahhyng in unison with a roar of his name as he departed north. The Rex advocated for meeting with Amaethea urgently to explain what had occurred after a regrouping in San’Velku to attend to the wounded, and thus most left with him. Kor’garr stayed behind for some discussion with the dwed on the metal found, when a complication arose. Luthriel had not departed with the Rex, and mere minutes passed before she arrived with The Third prince of Amaethea Kosher Daesmon to investigate the already collapsed caverns themselves. A small conversation was had before all members departed. And that was the end of the expedition, if not the political controversy to spread as a result… Less than a day later the gates of San’Velku were host to a raucous display of accusations against the Rex and the Iron Horde. The one known as En’Ara Iron’heartz had gone to Jarad Munnel and “reported” that our people were willingly allying with Vlos, bending the knee and publically pledging to sacrifice the entire Wood Albai city. These were of course falsehoods of the highest magnitude, yet this Prince believed the untested word of a random citizen who had been absent from Horde land for years to instead demand recompense and explanation over offenses we had not even done. Politics are boring, so Kor’garr will cut it short: it was a lot of arguing in Nor’Asath before tension was settled, and threats of Celia’nors “intervention” were brought up in an attempt to strongarm the Rex. If popularly demanded Kor’garr might release a detailed report next issue. Once again the Horde and Krug’s people were slandered. To those who would claim (again) that we have bent the knee to dark forces and wish to slaughter fellow descendants in obedience to this dragon: Your tongue is touched by Iblees with such lies agh lat accomplishes nubthing. An announcement was released by the Holy Inquisition, penned by one Ser Phillip “the Righteous” in which he says: “Krugmar was instrumental in unleashing this dragon, and that the Rex of the Iron Horde attempted to offer the dragon sacrifices shortly before it was unleashed… Furthermore, we condemn Rex Borok’s attempt to pacify such a violent and volatile creature through unsavory means, such as sacrifice, although this is consistent with his alleged previous behavior.” He then goes on to Blah of Canonism and insult the Rex more. Kor’garr waits to peep if such claims will be withdrawn after our singular victory defending the Dawnhold when others fled. The Crusaders are hozh protectors, agh there is no need for inward hostilities. To En’Ara Iron’heartz, Slanderer of the West; lat has been wytewashed by the Dominus Madoc’Lur with Skriptgoth Kor’garr as witness. The actions of deceit and false accusations show not only dishonor agh lack of loyalty, but the weakness of succumbing to fear instead of remaining strong. Your words tarnished the Horde agh caused a mess nearly resulting in needless Wagh between descendants: as such your name will be tarnished by those same words. To the honorary formerly known as Luthriel: while your actions were certainly suspect, nub proof of dishonor or slander has been shown. Kor’garr recommends taking more caution with coincidences in the future. The Rex made an announcement of his own to prepare for Wagh against the Dragon, reaffirming our pledges to the Atrus Covenant and against all burz beings that seek to harm the Innocent agh Honorable. The Kaktuz Weekli will release more articles as this situation develops. ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Some cactus weeks ago The Commonwealth of Petra entered an age of civil unrest, as accusations towards both the Archduchess Renilde I agh Archduke Constanz divided the ruling family agh citizens of Petra. First of the accusations presented were towards Archduchess Renilde I, who had inherited the throne as the eldest kub of Archduke Paul Salvian. Both an unknown citizen of Petra agh her eldest son, Albert Salvian, accused her of betraying Petra agh of sleeping with the Prince of Haense outside of marriage. With the help of Haense, she apparently planned to rise against Petra, whatever that would have meant at the moment. Albert Salvian also informed Renilde I had left the nation. Despite all this, he still had hope for his mother, asking her to return agh repent for what she had done. In response Archduchess Renilde I released a statement regarding Archduke Constanz, who had gained his title agh responsibilities through a marriage with her. She accused him of exceeding his rights of command that they had set in their marriage, taking actions against the Canonist Church, neglecting the duties set out for him, attempting to erode Petra’s ways to cement himself as the sole ruler, agh of treason in attempting to usurp her. Most personal accusations were made towards his faithfulness in their marriage though, as it's believed he had had extramarital relationships with women during his travels to parts unknown, possibly even faltering kubs with azh or more of them. Based on these claims, Archduchess dismissed Archduke Constanz from the court and exiled him from the lands of Petra. To solve this conflict, the Knight Council called Renilde I to face these accusations in a trial. It was promised to her that no harm would come her way during it. Once it came time for the trial, this promise was kept. No harm came upon Renilde, but instead it came upon those who had come to witness the event. Ferrymen hired by Renilde entered Castle Moere, attacking those present. Some were taken as prisoners, while others, including children were killed. It was recorded that the ferrymen had Azdrazi fighting alongside them, burning people to crisp with their fiery breath. This goes to be more of my own opinion, but mi do have to note that the witness testimonies mi read are horrifying, agh as a reminder, this is coming from an orc who has seen wagh, flat agh decay. Mi would recommend reading the missive Elowyn of Petra wrote to her mother fully as it gives a way better view into those feelings than what mi can write, though here are some quotes from it. “I am a Canonist child, a child. I have seen bloodshed and I have seen corpses in front of me. Even corpses of people MY age. Ma, how can you stand with those people and leave me, leave your children, leave your legacy to perish at the hands of those mercenaries you hire.” “I heard the screams of my fellow community members… I never knew how awful death sounded like. The screams, I can never forget them Ma.” [!] A Copy of the full missive has been attached here as an extra page. [!] Few cactus days later, Renilde’s forces released a statement; there would be a proper battle between the two sides. In the same missive, the Sons of Petra were dissolved and a new army called The Petrine Regiment was to take its place. The battle between the two forces occurred near Valfleur and ended in the favor of Archduchess Renilde I. Following this civil wagh some houses have reaffirmed their loyalty to Renilde I, agh Commonwealth of Petra has withdrawn its signature from previously written demands towards the Canonist Church. [Written by Kretz’Ox] ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Every so often there comes an article where Kor’garr must put the Truth of journalistic integrity before telling the story which is convenient or even his personal opinions. This is one of those stories, the tale of an imperfect friend’s death. Agis Penweather was a complex being. A member of the Bronze Band of Sulianopoli, vassal of the Iron Horde and a fervent shaman of Scorthuz, the spirit of Purity. Over many years he had shown his faith in the spirits, having been gifted the opportunity of learning shamanism without partaking in the usual trials to become an Honorary of the Horde. This would lead to many issues later on. Unfortunately, the bronze albai was brash and fervent in his worship to the point of arrogance. Agiz regularly butted heads with more experienced shamans, including one Ar-Borok’Akaal, over different philosophies on how to interact with the spirits. Even when the Akaal ascended as Blood Rex, these tensions would continue and unfortunately given the lack of Honorary status he was seen to be overstepping as a lesser. The peak of this occurred when Agis cosigned a document called “To end the Burz Rex”, which accused Ar-Borok of burz-spawn affiliation, general tyrannical actions, and demanded his resignation as Rex within a single cactus day. Even as the following meeting turned out to resolve the feud between Rex and the former Motsham Al-Uk, Agis insisted upon justice. His arm was voluntarily broken and the Bronze albai passed out as some kind of penance for his actions. In the later weeks Agis would continue to loudly decry the Rex’s actions, comparing him to dark shamans of the past and proceeding to raise hostilities within Horde lands multiple times. Yet again, these accusations from one who was not even Honorary and did not step up in formal challenge or Honor Klomp were widely regarded as insults. This all would reach the breaking point upon repeated altercations with the hot-headed and volatile orc kub known as Forgot. After multiple occasions of near blows, Agis finally had enough. The bronze elf announced to both the cub and the Rex that he would depart from the Horde and teach others the ways of Scorthuz, then using his magic to defend himself from Forgot’s attack of bloodrage. Next time he entered the city, Forgot and the Rex apprehended him violently, beating the weaker and unprepared Albai into submission despite protests from others nearby. The bronze Skorthuzian was then dragged to the tower of the Maw without mercy, tortured with a hex of Ogrol, and sacrificed ritually to the spirits in a brutal display of savage violence. Kor’garr must note despite his friendship that Agis made many mistakes up to this point. He slandered the rex from a position without merit or proof multiple times, attempted treason, threatened to abandon the Horde, and most importantly implied a goal to spread Shamanism that he had no authority to teach unchecked amongst those who would abuse the Spirits out of malice. All this while putting off the Honorary trials that would grant him honor necessary to be listened to as kin of the Horde. Instantly, news of these events spread and outrage flared from Sulianopoli as there was no coordination nor official announcement of these action nor their reasoning. In a follow-up interview, the Rex blahh’d: “Agis received powers he was nub worthy of. He was a zealot of Scorthuz who did nub know his place. He was a lesser who had the arrogance to always challenge mine decisions. He threatened brothers multiple times, agh when the urûkim took him up on his threat, he ran away in his twiggo cowardice." Yet the Bronze Lads did not know the details. All they heard of was an unjust and unreasonable murder of kin and vassal. In mere cactus days a large monument of sandstone was raised within San’Velku, a pillar of demands to the Rex from Sulianopoli praising the spirits, affirming loyalty shouting for justice, and generally wanting answers to what the zog happened at the Maw. The terms upon the pillar are listed below: I - A hecatomb in cattle to sacrifice as they wish. II - a Feast day for the lesser spirit Pharis and for the memory of Agis Penweather. III - A ritual to ensure the sending of Agis’s soul to Scorthuz and not Ogrol, allowing the Bronze lads insight ‘As a show of trust… [to] his deep mysteries’. Many, many members of Sulianopli and Honorary orcs signed this pillar, including Zozhs’Mau the Terrifying, Quiil’Mau the Defender, Maarhbgrush (Formerly Luthriel), Steleos Kekenomos Hyptos, Dromos Mandelos Hyptos, Caelius, Obok Metuldrinkz, Dri’kaar, Tzkar Elar, agh Anazagoras, with the ending notice “No Lad abandons another Lad, No Brother Should” being both a public declaration of kinship and a comment interpreting betrayal from the Rex. Reasonable assumptions given their lack of complete knowledge or context, as the Iron Horde has still nub made an official comment on this execution. Yet again, Forgot created yet more tension, using a cannon to obliterate the monument and tearing the rubble apart with a pickaxe after claiming the elves were weak and dumb. He was later defeated and punished for this arrogance by the Brazen Bull of Ugluk, and now that the cub was sent to the stargush via Dragon, Kor’garr ponders that issue has been resolved naturally. The Kaktuz Weekli will continue to report as this situation unfolds. The Rex has not officially responded to demands, despite mentions of possible compromise to be found in private discourse. In his words: “When he died, he was nub ah shaman, he was nub of the bronze band of Sulianopoli… Ahm pretty sure Scorthuz claimed his soul.” ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ In a series of wonderful events for the Horde, many members of the Orcish diaspora have returned to our proud people and taken positions within the city of San’Velku! The newfound clan of Duhr, neolithic brethren used to subterranean life, have stepped up to claim the shared title of Rukagoth in an unexpected move and already shown their experience in proper craftsmanship techniques to appease the spirits. Mjoruk and Bjarg Duhr, having recently defended our harvest from overgrown avian scavengers, will regularly host explanations on how to properly craft weapons and armor in a way that will avoid jealousy or curses from beings such as Glutroz or Paxahru… All this despite them refusing to use metal instead of stone. Kor’garr is astounded by how effectively they can use more archaic materials. The brothers have also begun paths of pacting with the Elemental realm of Earth and the practice of Haruspexy, the traditional art of craftsmanship with ancestral grizh to channel the ancestral spirits into their creations. In the meantime, the one known as Ofric’Lur has taken the mantle of Huntsgoth, continuing the Hunt of a Hundred years in spectacular fashion after the disappearance of our last lead hunter. Mere kaktuz days ago he lead an expedition to successfully slaughter multiple large alligators and even capture ag live Throdaag: This is a H’ (V) meter tall bipedal reptilian behemoth! Covered in additional fanged maws and slitted eyes, the massive and cruelly intelligent maneater entered a rage upon its subordinates being slaughtered by Ofric, rushing through the lake towards the party. Larger than dub ologs side by side, the being’s titanic might was halted by the honorable skills of Lakeidas’Raguk, Avotha’Lur, Obok Metaldrinks, and our new Targoth Kuvirr. The enraged beast thrashed around until with clever use of whistles and various distractions, including a large broadhead arrow from Kor’garr, it tumbled into a binding hex from Zhomo Emony Akaal and was incapacitated. The savage and monstrously strong creature, requiring H’gahk (VIII) Uruks to lift, rested caged within the Gorkil Clan Hall for later use in San’Velku’s arena through Ofric’s excellent tactics and guidance until slaughtered by the Rex himself. Even now the honorable worshipper of Votar searches for more prey to take down. In the very words spoken during his Claim; “Lup Votar, the King of the Hunt, patron of all those who lurk in the tall grass and stalk their prey. Lup Freygoth, whose benevolence surrounds and provides the very beasts and animals we stalk.” Another new event for the Horde is the establishment of a neutral and unaffiliated Alms-giving guild called the CRUCIBLE upon Horde Lands with permission from the Rex. This coalition of artisans and crafters aim to spread good will and knowledge throughout Almaris for all Descendants to prosper, and they have been making outreach efforts to various other communities for an exchange of expertise or trade. If your group might be interested in contacting those who would accept all with good will for the Descendants, regardless of origin or nature, Kor’garr does act as Head Scribe and may be messaged. The Crucible is already announcing classes to reduce illiteracy amongst uneducated populations! ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Many events of note have taken place over the past few weeks in Hayhollow, land of the Halflings and a usual quiet respite from the Eternal Wagh of Almaris. Azhtly, they declared war. Let Kor’garr repeat in writing: The HALFLINGS have declared war on Burrz-spawn and Ibleesian cultists that have been invading their lands, even calling members of one daemonic cult to trial over blaspheming within their lands. Mimosa Applefoot, Mayor of Bywater, released multiple descriptions of these cultists so they might face the rightful purging they deserve for betraying the Descendants of Almaris. Of course, the culprits never revealed their cowardly faces even to the so-called smallfolk. Instead, they committed a petty act of vandalism by cursing a tree and turning it into some form of demonic plant. Ultimately their revenge was harmless, the howling edifice of twist wood easily removed by a decent logging choppa’ and a few minutes of hard work. More recently Hayhollow has had a burst of anti-biggun or outsider sentiment, making official changes to their codes for housing and properness that ensure fellow halflings take priority. This comes after many concerns of overcrowding and the dilution of Halfling Kulture, with Mimosa Applefoot the Mayor of Bywater stating: “We must first take care of our own people! A shire for halflings, by halflings, and of halflings!” Personally Kor’garr can understand the annoyance of having unwelcome visitors constantly attempting to settle upon your land agh ignore proper culture. An update: In additional Anti-Biggun action a merchant stall was burned down over its use of minas coin and locked containers. A manifesto in what appears to be pumpkin juice was penned advocating for a general removal of all foreign cultural influence from the Hayhollow region, including large houses and economic systems. The Kaktuz Weekli will report upon further developments if needed. ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Skumu has decided that there is nub enough buub facts for Skumu to keep putting facts, so for this izzue of Kaktuz Weekli, Skumu is starting a competition! Readers please send in Poems dedicated to Skumu’s brave and charismatic pig, Kor’Garr Jr! Skumu and Kor’Garr will choose the winner and lat will win a personal art by Skumu herself! Sounds fun yub? Latz must send in your entry before the next issue! Skumu’s time limit will be azh week since Kaktuz Weekli gets published! Hozh luck!! ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Here is where Kor’garr or other members of the Kaktuz Weekli will respond to messages submitted by our readers! Feel free to Blah with Kor’garr or send a bird to San’Velku’s aviary with your questions or stories, and we will put them into the Paper! ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Please note we are still looking for interviews with those who participated in the Siege of Shattered Skies! Next Week: More will be added in later issues! Please note we are still hiring members for a variety of occupations which will be paid for in Minas or other goods if negotiated! ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Kor’garr - Zkriptgoth, Owner. Skumu - Head Artist, Formatter Kretz'Ox - Assistant Writer --
  23. 【♢――】 Bundles of newspapers would be spread throughout Almaris for all to see. While written upon dense sheets of high quality parchment, the pages of blocky script would also be covered in scribbled cute doodles! Including a wonderful BRAND! The scent of jungle berries wafts from vividly colored inks... but for some reason the printing looks rushed, formatting slightly off. 【♢――】 Vol. Dub (III) Azh’Kint”Azhty’Gahk (CXIII) (113) of the Second Age ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ FOREWORD Many of you wonderful readers have been wondering why this wasn't released yet, or will have questions about the lack of some usual topics we include. Simply put, Kor'garr is still recovering from severe injusries at the vicious maw and toxins of an exotic broodmother lurker of some horrific origin. More details will be released soon, so We here at the Kaktuz Weekli apologize for the substandard issue. On the other hand, this is getting written anyways because something is better than nothing... And also due to many here giving Kor'garr some very much needed advice the Kaktuz Weekli is looking for writers, reporters and other employees to help make the article part of this organization less of a one orc show. Amendments to this issue may come in the future, maybe not. ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ As all across Almaris might know, the undead scourge once known as Cloudbreaker has been defeated by a grand coalition of forces from across Almaris! Irrespective of origins, brave warriors, magic users, medics, and ballista crews worked together to defend the city of Balian from a long siege as a group of expert adventurers fought to destroy the accursed vessel animating the dead dragon… And all forces were successful. While lives were lost in the glorious battle against the Buurz, the sacrifices of the honorable souls are not in vain. A special edition of the Kaktuz Weekli will be released in the near future containing greater details, a recounting of the many events that occurred, and interviews with multiple sources that took part in the battle. If you have reached out about interviews, do not worry, Kor'garr will meet with lat soon. ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ THE RISE OF A NEW IRON HORDE! In an unprecedented reveal, a Kukaal (Clan Leader) of Clan Akaal has announced a challenge for the position of Rex against the currently reigning Rex Willy of San’Velku. A public missive posted upon the walls of San’Velku, explains Ar-Borok Akaal’s motivation to shift Krugmar towards a more aggressive stance “against the deceiver, against her necromancers, mystiks, vampyrs and other darkspawns'' as the lands of Almaris prepare for War once more. This is after various claims of Rex Willy, despite being a good diplomat, remaining inactive concerning other hostile nations and the progress of the Iron Horde in general. Meanwhile Ar-Borok is an individual notorious for controversy, including an incident creating tensions between Krugmar and Aaun during the Siege of Shattered Skies. Kaktuz Weekli staff, present in person when the challenge was stated, quote from Ar-Borok “As the Wagh on darkness goes on, it is time for us to return to an age of war. Willy is not a warrior, he is a diplomat, a [Redacted] good one. I had talks with the Wargoths of Clan Ugluk and of Clan Lur, with the Dominus and Rex. Here and now, I claim the title of Rex of the Iron Horde.” We all eagerly awaited Rex Willy’s response and it turns out the former Rex does approve of the mantle passing down. Unfortunately an official Honor Klomp, a practice not seen in generations, will not be assembled for the Spirits to show their favor upon either potential leader… but other leadership announcements have created much change in the Iron Horde. Droku of Clan Lur has taken the title of Huntsgoth to announce a Hundred Year Votar, Kybal of the Akaals is stepping up as leader of their clan, and Skullcrusher of Clan Raguk will now command the Iron Horde’s military as Targoth of the Krug-Hai. ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Foreign Affairs: WARNING! A TRAITOR AT LARGE! Despite our recent victory against the Buurz, Kor’garr believes this information is quite important. Recently the leadership of the Iron Horde and spiritual nations at large have released announcements declaring the one formerly known as Kul’Raguk to be a Whitewash and affiliated with the Darkspawn! Specifically, This horrid traitor has aligned itself with beings of necromantic and demonic natures, dishonored the spirits, interrupted the sacred process of a venture into the Spiritual Realms, and openly become a worshiper of cursed Ibless. In turn, Clan Raguk has stripped the Whitewash of all titles and affiliations. In effect, this means Kul “The Red Worm” should be apprehended or killed on sight by the armed forces of any spiritualist or Darkspawn opposing nation. The traitor is a crimson red skinned being around six feet tall, commonly wearing robes and a mask to disguise the lack of proper orcish tusks. Caution is recommended as there have been sightings of Kul using dark magics of unknown nature to evade capture. In addition, an Azh’Kint (100) Minas bounty has been placed upon the head of this horrid criminal, to be presented to the gates of Krugmar either dead or alive. Please contact the Kaktuz Weekly or San’Velku personnel immediately upon capture or murder of this blight upon our lands, so the reward may be handed out accordingly. Individuals to be sought out include the Motsham Al-Uk Yar of the Grand Moot, Ker Shaman Jusiam Guzmia of Nor’asath, Kaktuz Weekli owner Kor’garr the Clanless, Challenging Rex Ar-Borok’Akaal, or Dominus Madoc’Lur of the Iron Horde. ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Here is where Kor’garr or other members of the Kaktuz Weekli will respond to messages submitted by our readers! Feel free to Blah with Kor’garr or send a bird to San’Velku’s aviary with your questions or stories, and we will put them into the Paper! ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ “More will be added in later issues! Again, Rulg to the Writer’s Guild of Almaris for their support in this publication. Issues will (now) always be released during the later half of the Grand Harvest. Also please note we are still hiring members for a variety of occupations. ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Kor’garr - Writer, Zkriptgoth. Skumu - Artist, Formatter [OOC - Pings and References] References
  24. 【♢――♦】 Bundles of newspapers would be spread throughout Almaris for all to see. While written cleanly and vividly upon dense sheets of high quality parchment, the pages of blocky script would also be covered in scribbled cute doodles! Including a brand new BRAND! 【♢――♦】 Vol. Dub (II) Azh’Kint”Azhty’Azh (CXI) (111) of the Second Age ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ It is time for all to sharpen their blades, don their armor, and prepare for a grand assault against our Great Enemy! Recently the Rex Willi of San’Velku, in keeping with the honour and courage of Krug-kind, has declared that the Iron Horde shall stand alongside our allies in Balian to defeat a new threat. In his own words, “The urukim of the Iron Horde declare their full support, militarily and logistically, to the people of Balian in the wake of threats of destruction from the undead dragon known as Cloudbreaker” This support will encompass everything from soldiers, weapons, and magic, to more nub-klomping aid such as protection and vital needs for the civilians forced away from their homes after the undead filth’s brutal attack upon their capital. The Kaktuz Weekli staff are filled with pride and inspiration upon seeing the people of Krugmar set aside the vile curse of Bloodlust in order to work together with our fellow descendants in Honorable combat against our true foes; the darkness that threatens all life upon Almaris. In the meantime, the shara Rex known as His Royal Majesty Alexander the Azht (I) of Balian has announced a grand summit for all the nations of Almaris to attend, so that more of Descendant kind can work together in defeating this monstrosity! In the Human Kings missive he explains “It is with these desires that we establish ‘The Atrus Covenant’, to mark both the occasion of this summit and to cement our united goal in staving off the onslaught of the undead Cloudbreaker and its minions.” Which is a lot of zhara blah for “Lets get ready to Klomp a Nubded Dragon.” PREPARE FOR THE WAGH, EVERYONE! Such an event will happen on the Azhty’H’gakhth (XVIII) day of the next Daumanlob (Snow’s Maiden) at their Palati Monterosa (Kor’garr assumes that’s their bub’hozhest and most fancy castle). ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ After an understandable pause in frustrations due to the general good cheer during the Krugsmas celebrations across Almaris, it is regrettable to see a return to the usual hostilities between the proud Iron Ugz and our aggressive neighbors to the South. The children of Krug have by no means forgotten the past offenses against them, including various heretical insults, slander, false claims against our Rex, and recently the senseless slaughter of a brother who was blessed by the spirits himself to be gifted animalistic features in honor of the Brazen Bull, all of which no apologies have been issued for. Because of this, Rex Willy of San’Velku has released an announcement declaring the Banishment and exile of all those who follow the banner of Celia’nor from lands of the Horde, in order to, in his own words, “Protect all citizens of the Iron Horde from the destructive tendencies and dark magicks the people of Celia’nor wield and use at their disposal with little to no regard for the rest of the realm.” The Kaktuz Weekli wonders how the void-aligned and darkspawn colluding nation will respond, if they decide to at all. The obstinance of the ‘elven’ nation concerning political matters is quite well known at this point… ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Whispers have been spreading around the spiritual circles, mentions of celebration and trials… The Kaktuz Weekli refers, of course, to the upcoming Vau’Loz! The Vau’Loz is a grand ceremony spanning the lengths of multiple Cactus Weeks, where believers in the spirits from all nations and origins gather to compete in trials, give offerings, and prove their belief and strength in the eyes of the Spirits! This event has not occurred in many, many ages, yet the creation of the Grand Moot has finally brought back the connections required to make such a wonderful display of honor, strength, and worship take place. After some discussion with the event organizers, Kor’garr is delighted to announce the Moot is seeking event hosts, organizers, announcers, and laborers of all kinds to help prepare the events and contests. Such work shall be done in Krugmar, Nor’asath, and even other locations, consisting of both building event sites and representing the Moot during said events. Please reach out to Kor’garr or the esteemed Zhomo Qudlia Jusmia for more information, either in person or with a bird… Agh yub, Kor’garr will provide payment. ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Many wish to warm up by a roaring flame during the winter chill, or recover from the heat of too much mead with a taste of winter. In that case, look no further than the wonderfully soothing Orcish beverage known as an Ungri Cocolog. Originally made my the brilliant goblin Nin’sqeek’Ungri for her ravenous Olog brethren to recuperate after one too many holiday feasts (hence the name) this splendidly sweet treat is made with decadent amounts of rich pale milk combined with decadent dark chocolate for all to enjoy. This festive bittersweetness is then balanced by the generous dollops of honey and her special ingredient of infused oracle wood extract, creating a soothing calm that can settle even the most voracious olog’s hanger tantrums. What’s best is this special beverage can be served either chilled (making a rich layer of cream float atop the heavier liquid) or heated (making for a smoother drink that will alleviate any post blizzard sniffles)! Kor’garr personally enjoys his cocolog piping hot with some of those wonderful marshmallow cubes the musin introduced me to, as they slowly melt into the beverage over time for more sugary goodness. Nevertheless, these drinks come in staggeringly large bottles and should be consumed quickly after opening, lest the rich milk spoil in warmer weather. P.S. Kor’garr has experienced first hand the folly of serving this to Musin. It is milk based, and they cannot handle dairy to save their stomachs… Please don’t, for everyone’s sake, let them drink it without ample warning. ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ This is a wonderful time for any worshiper of the spirits! Recently our renowned Motsham (head shaman) Al-Uk'Yar has announced the beginning of a grand union between spiritual states and nations across all of Almaris! This coalition begins with the formation of deeper ties between the shamanistic circles of Krugmar and the Ashen State of Nor'Asath, and with the spirits blessings will grow to include the Halfling peoples in our near future. In the meantime, concerns have been raised over the origins of the mojo known only to the writer as “Blood Alchemy” within the Iron Horde. Practitioners claim there is no relation to Dark sources of any kind since it follows the methods of alchemy and the strength of Krug-kind’s ancestral vitality, while spiritual traditionalists under the leadership of our new Motsham call the newly popularized art a disgrace to proper shamanism and worship of the spirits. Only time will tell how this brewing conflict continues to unfold within the Horde. ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ This issue’s Uruk of the Week is our new rising star, brother Bumba’Akaal! I was very excited to interview my fellow orc at the Betharuz Tavern and hear all about his recent achievements; This wonderful brother has some hefty aspirations and the strength to peep them through to victory! Note that the following are written in approximations of verbal blah to better capture the character of both interview participants. ✦✧――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Kor'garr: …Zoh diz iz dah tik tu kall latzelv vanzi nayms agh tytulz. [A short chuff of mirth before the interview continues.] Zo, Whoo iz Bumba'Akaal? Dr Bumba'Akaal: Mi ahm Bumba'Akaal, Kukaal ov clan Akaal, Medicgoth ov da Iron'Uzg, Haruspex agh Witch Doctor, Shaman ov Grizh agh Healing. Kor’garr: Yub, veri hozh! Dat'zag lot uv tytulz, agh nub-urukz moight noht uhndurztand awl uv dehm. Kayr tu ixplayn abowtz lat being dah Medicgovv nowz? Dr Bumba'Akaal: Ah yub. Mi have years agh yearz ov experience sakrificing people agh thingz, zo mi haz learned ah deep grukkage on da body agh wub it takes to heal it. Zo mi will uze my haruzpexy agh zhomizm fer such. Kor’garr: Yub, agh 'ow wihl daht grukkage ov zakrivyze 'elp lat en dah duteez ov Medicgovv? Dr Bumba’Akaal: Well… Der ahm alot ov wayz it will do zuch… mi planz on expanding da medikal zervicez ov da goi. Mi wantz to create ah group ov medical profezzionalz dat haz ah high succezz rate in saving bruddahz like… fifty percent, yub. Agh den mi wantz to make uz well known zo all da Uzg can gruk da powur uv urukim medicinez! Kor’garr: Dat iz'ag veri ambizhuz goal, Doktor Bumba! Wihl deez medikul zervicez bi moztly vor emurgenzi, ohr alzo teyk kayr uv moar muhndayn helth izzuez en dah goi? Dr Bumba’Akaal: Mi zervicez will be open to all peepul, yub… it ahm important fer all people, evun nub-uruks, to have accezz to affordable medicine. While mi practicez ahm extremely, extremely, bub'painful, dey ahm efficient agh will lead to helping bruddahz agh people, yub. Kor’garr: Wehl, wi moight wunt tu yuze zum blizzvoyl vor dah nub-urukz… Meybi'ag travel ohr tryp tu zhow lat'z zkyllz en medizine moight bi hozh vor latz buzinezz tu zpred. Dr Bumba’Akaal: Yub, mi planz on traveling around agh offering mi zkillz to people, but dat ahm ah few yearz down da road…. Firzt mi needz to turn the medical offices into ah known resource, yub. Kor’garr: Dat iz'ag hozh ideyuh, yub. Agh how much wihl lat bi yuzing zhomoizm en dah clinic'z regyulur akzhunz? Dr Bumba’Akaal: Mi will uze zhomoizm a lot, ezpecially on more extreme zituationz like lozing limbz agh zkak… But mi grukz medical haruzpexy ahm ah more holliztic experience, yub. Kor’garr: Kor'garr wihl peep vorwurd tu dah moar widezpred yuze uv Haruzpexy dehn. …Wehl, daht zhuld bi awl Kor'garr needz, unlezz lat gotz eny lazt rimarkz vor dah reedurz? Dr Bumba’Akaal: Mi latz remarkz iz dat mi wizhez to uze mi incredible expertize in medicine to zhow da Uzg da greatnezz ov urukim agh zhow dat der ahm honor in every tik ov profession! ✦✧――――――――――――――――――✧✦ As everyone can see, our new Medicgoth is an exemplary model that Honor is not only to be found on the battlefield or through taking lives, but also by saving them and allowing our fellows to fight another day. Surely more like him will be needed in the coming times, and the Kaktuz Weekli is delighted to find out how his career in medicine develops! ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Recently Skumu has acquired a buub, it was a Krugzmaz gift from Kor'Garr. Skumu is very very thankful, so adding onto Kaktuz weekli is a segment where Skumu shall draw a buub for you all and give you a fact about them! This issue is about how much smarter buubz are than howlers! Buubz are so much smarter they remember where grub is and will never forget! They love grub just like so many Bruddas! Also they can play games! They are the fifth ( H’ ) Most intelligent animal in the world! Skumu loves Buubz so much! Here is Skumu's Buub! His name is Kor'Garr Jr! ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Here is where Kor’garr or other members of the Kaktuz Weekli will respond to messages submitted by our readers! Feel free to Blah with Kor’garr or send a bird to San’Velku’s aviary with your questions or stories, and we will put them into the Paper! ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ “More will be added in later issues! Again, Rulg to the Writer’s Guild of Almaris for their support in this publication. Issues will (now) always be released during the later half of the Grand Harvest. Also please note we are still hiring members for a variety of occupations.” ✦✧―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――✧✦ Kor’garr - Writer, Zkriptgoth. Skumu - Artist, Formatter [OOC - Pings and References]
  25. Issue One 11th of the Wzuvar & Byvca Volume One The Kvaz Khronicle “Karosgrad after a snow storm” depicted by Branimar Kvazyev Stories of the day: -Grand Prince of Kusoraev Married! -Saving our Soldiers! Ruthern wins big in Duma! -Election results covered here! Page 1 Grand Prince of Kusoraev Celebrates Lavish Wedding Day As the day of the Grand Prince of Kusoraev's much-anticipated wedding arrived, excitement built throughout the kingdom. The royal palace was abuzz with activity as preparations for the big day were underway. We spoke with one of the palace servants, who wished to remain anonymous, about the preparations they had been witness to. "It was a flurry of activity," the servant told us. "The palace was cleaned from top to bottom. The kitchen had been working around the clock to prepare the feast, and the staff had been rehearsing their roles for the day. It was going to be a truly magnificent event." The Grand Prince and his bride-to-be had not been seen much in public recently, as they had been busy with final preparations for the wedding. However, the servant shared that the couple seemed very happy and excited for their big day. The wedding was a lavish affair, with guests from all over the kingdom and beyond in attendance. The ceremony took place in the beautiful Basilica, and was followed by grand celebrations. We will continue to bring updates on the Grand Prince's newlywed life as time goes on, especially as he begins his tours of his vassals. For now, the kingdom celebrates this joyous occasion. Poem of events by Kasimir Kvazyev: In days of old, when knights were bold And lords and ladies fair A prince did seek a noble bride To join him in his royal lair With sword in hand, he rode the land In search of true love's kiss And when at last he found his match His heart did swell with bliss For she was fair, with golden hair And eyes that sparkled bright Her gentle touch and loving heart Brought joy to his lonely nights Together they did pledge their troth In a ceremony grand And as they knelt before the altar Their love was declared and fanned So let us raise a glass and toast To this royal couple true May their marriage last a lifetime And their love forever renew. Page 2 Lady Alderwoman Adelajda vas Ruthern's Act to Support Injured Soldiers Passes with Widespread Support Editor's note: We understand this coverage comes from a previous duma session, but we believe the content held within the bill and its passage is of monumental importance to cover. In a recent development in the Duma, Lady Alderwoman Adelajda vas Ruthern's proposed act to provide financial compensation to members of the Brotherhood of Saint Karl and Knights of the Kingdom who have suffered injuries while in the line of duty has passed with widespread support. The Medical Compensation Advisory Act of 453 ES proposes that those who have undergone amputations be eligible for compensation to help them acquire prosthetic replacements for their lost limbs or digits. The act has been met with widespread support from both military personnel and civilians alike. Many have praised Lady Alderwoman Adelajda vas Ruthern for her dedication to supporting those who put their lives on the line to protect the kingdom. The proposal has also been hailed as a crucial step in recognizing the sacrifices made by our brave soldiers and ensuring that they receive the care and support they need. The successful passage of this act is a testament to the nobility's commitment to supporting our military and ensuring that they have the resources they need to continue serving the kingdom with distinction. We would like to extend our heartfelt thanks to Lady Alderwoman Adelajda vas Ruthern and all those who supported this crucial legislation. Page 3 Kvazyev feeds the poor! As he strolled through the streets of the small village in which he lived, a poor young boy held tightly in his hand a piece of bread, which had been given to him by his mother for his midday meal. Despite his meager circumstances, the boy was content, for he knew that he was loved. Upon coming across a group of children engaged in playful merriment, the boy felt a pang of envy, but he quickly pushed it aside, choosing instead to join in their games. When the other children saw the bread in the boy's hand, they begged him to share it with them. After a moment's hesitation, the boy broke off a piece of the bread and offered it to the group, feeling a sense of joy at the thought of having brought a smile to their faces. The Kvazyev family, known for their generosity and kindness, has once again demonstrated their commitment to helping those in need by providing nourishing bread to impoverished children in their community. Page 4 Your ad could be here! Bird Kasimir Kvazyev to purchase a cheap space! Election Coverage! As the kingdom prepares for the upcoming XLIII Session of the Royal Duma, many are looking to the three elected officials who will be filling the seats. Royal Alderwoman Adelajda vas Ruthern and Grand Maer Roui de Melphestaus have been praised by anonymous sources for their competency and plans for the upcoming Session. "Adelajda vas Ruthern has always been a strong voice in the Duma," said one source. "Her dedication to the kingdom and her willingness to listen to the concerns of the people make her an excellent choice for the upcoming Session, especially with her Medical act." Another source praised Roui de Melphestaus, saying, "His experience and level-headedness will be crucial in guiding the Duma through these trying times. I have no doubt that he will be an asset to the kingdom." Not all elected officials have received such praise, however. Royal Alderman Atilan Bishop has been criticized by anonymous sources for being a poor choice for the Duma. "His track record in the Duma has been lackluster, at best," said one source. "He lacks the vision and leadership skills that are necessary for the role. I fear that he will only hinder the progress of the Duma in the upcoming Session." Another source echoed these sentiments, saying, "Bishop's selection for the Duma is a disappointment. I have no confidence in his abilities to serve the kingdom effectively in this position." The kingdom awaits the start of the XLIII Session with anticipation, eager to see how these elected officials will shape the future of the Duma and the kingdom as a whole. Page 5 Neigh, Horses aren’t Controversial! The Kvaz received the following letter to the editor. We find it necessary to rebuke it! As a resident of the Kingdom of Haense, I have long been a proud supporter of our noble traditions and way of life. However, there is one small aspect of our kingdom that I feel could be improved upon: the use of horses for official transportation. For centuries, it has been customary for horses to be used for the transportation of royalty and other high-ranking officials. This practice is steeped in tradition and is seen by many as a symbol of our kingdom's wealth and sophistication. However, I believe that it is time for us to move beyond this outdated mode of transportation and embrace a more modern approach. First and foremost, the use of horses is impractical and inefficient. Horses are expensive to maintain and can be unpredictable, making them unreliable for official transportation. Furthermore, the use of horses can create a sense of exclusivity and elitism that is at odds with our kingdom's values. At official functions, only a select few are able to enjoy the luxury of being transported by horse, while the majority must make do with other, less effective methods. ** As the premier newspaper of the Kingdom of Haense, it is our duty to provide balanced and accurate reporting on the events and issues that affect our beloved kingdom. In light of the recent editorial calling for the abandonment of horses for official transportation, we feel it is necessary to provide a counterargument that highlights the many virtues of this time-honored tradition. First and foremost, it must be noted that the use of horses is not merely a symbol of our kingdom's wealth and sophistication, but a crucial aspect of our cultural heritage. For centuries, our ancestors have relied on horses for transportation, and the skill and artistry involved in the breeding of horses is a testament to their ingenuity and bravery. To abandon this tradition would be to erase a significant part of our history and identity. In addition, the use of horses is not impractical or inefficient, as the previous editorial suggests. On the contrary, horses are strong, reliable animals that can be trained to meet the specific needs of official transportation. In addition, the slow and stately pace of horses is perfectly suited to the dignified nature of official events, and allows those who are being transported the opportunity to enjoy the sights and sounds of our kingdom in a leisurely and enjoyable manner. Furthermore, the use of horses does not create a sense of exclusivity or elitism, as the previous editorial claims. On the contrary, the sight of a beautiful and well-maintained horse is a source of pride and inspiration for our people. It reminds us of the greatness and splendor of our kingdom, and inspires us to strive for excellence in all that we do. In conclusion, we believe that the use of horses for official transportation is a vital and cherished part of our kingdom's traditions. We are grateful to have a wise and visionary king who recognizes the importance of this tradition and is committed to preserving it for future generations. Page 6 The Kvazyev Company The Kvazyev Company is a trading company specializing in weaponry, banking, trading, and meals for the hungry. Seek out Branimar (Doggedwasupxxx) or Kasimir Kvazyev (Lickspittle) for a job. (Dogged#8148, Lickspittle#5373) Want an advertisement in this newspaper? Want to submit a letter to the editor? Want to give us a story? Is there something that must be said? Bird Kasimir Kvazyev! (Lickspittle#5373)
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