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Showing results for tags 'this is not a drill'.
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[!] A horrid poster sits nailed to the wooden board ahead of you. It covered an older flier of the same theme, but much less . . . Suspicious, and ugly. THERE'S A HOT SINGLE RICH AWESOME (LIVING) WOMAN IN YOUR AREA! Lady Dowager, DAME VIKTORIYA I, ‘the Silver Drake’ Founder of House Tsecsar, Former Captain of the Imperial State Army, Knight of the Most Noble & Most Ancient Order of the Lion, Former Imperial Queen of Arms, Coolest person alive, Also the hottest person alive, And the hottest person dead, And the coolest person dead, But also not dead, ‘Allmother’ of the Eight Precepts, Úlfhéðnar of the Father, Et Cetera DAME VIKTORIYA I is in search of love. Again. If you have a heartbeat, please reply. I’m begging you. NAME: Viktoriya somethingsomething Forgot Last Name AGE: Middle-aged, maybe. I forgot. OCCUPATION: Illegal substances vendor Alchemist HOBBIES include razing heathen (anti-GODAN!) villages, worshipping GODAN, potion-making, taking long walks on beaches, taking short walks in swamps, begging for people to court her through courier pigeons, sleeping, dissection, hanging out in the suspicious alleyways of Providence, sleeping, and potion-making. And dissection. APPEARANCE: [!] A single picture was attached . . . Drawn in some hideous ‘pixel-block’ fashion: CRITERIA: Must be a man. Preferably. Please don’t be a cultist. I’ve had enough cultist husbands, I think. Preferably has a pulse [Optional] Somewhat mentally stable [Optional] That’s it. My standards are low. I’m desperate. WHAT YOU WILL RECEIVE An old young woman with lots to offer. Possibly, a home. Dame Viktoriya tends to swing between homeless, not-homeless, and dwelling in the caves beneath Oren. One free compliment a day. Potions! Did I mention . . . Mina? Should you be interested, send a bird! Please. please. Dame Viktoriya.
