Slimmy_Rimmy

ATTENTION MEN!

Today is the start of you taking back what you have built! 

You!

Who spent 30 years of your life slinking as a muzzy mule for the ample wheat that shushes the bellies of NOT your own family!

You!

Who lost your eye and thirty of your friends for the ISA, only to find you are last in line for the Emperor's deflated bosom, and not even a vinegary droplet awaits your parched throat at the suckle of his calloused teet!

And you!

Who writes the night away by the grace of a camper's lamp before brushing one-thousand times each side the powdered wig of the signature of your genius!

I do say that YOU men are the true builders of the empire! And yet, before us there are plodding, pea-brained slobs and WOMEN in charge! Why, just the other day I made a harmless comment to a woman concerning her breasts, and I was harassed by a rogue automaton! Thank goodness the ISA came when they did, only... The new Solicitor General is a WOMAN, and therefor I suffered the wrath of her warped, womanly emotions and constant struggle with inadequacy, as well as being (conveniently enough) the cousin of the female I had commented on the breasts of earlier on. So... NOT 'thank goodness the ISA came when they did,' because the violent metal abomination (who was my molester) was set free and, get this, I was taken to jail and filed with made-up charges that I can only assume were inspired by the Solicitor General’s revenge-fantasy journal she'd written when her beau went away at the girth of her thigh. I had to pay a fine of 100 mina, that no doubt went directly into her pocketbook, just to stop the beating and harassment! It was no doubt, I had decided, Ophelia's 'lady-week.'

We have coined the term, "feminism."

It's meaning?

"... When females contradictorily try to prove they are better than men by becoming men themselves; oftentimes, in very obnoxious ways."

It is a phenomenon in our time, for this is what happens when the blumbering buffoons in office give women (with all sorts of mixed up ideas in their heads; using fancy words such as, “self-esteem”), their way. 

A change must be made.

We, good men, are the last bit of the realm that still believe in integrity. We call ourselves, The Sir Humphrey Party. Lead by our brave and noble leader who, at this time, prefers to remain anonymous. 

Those who wish to join the revolution, please seek us out discreetly.

Many thanks! 

- Sir Humphrey 

“In GOD, I was made anew, away from sin. And I bow before no man, but to my Lord. My Master, my Creator, my Savior, my Strength, my Redeemer, my Father, my Friend. That is the Lord GOD, the King that was and would be, before the beginning until after the end is His reign. 
 

We have been made in the Lord’s image, which makes us brothers only by His will, and the genius of His Holy design. By His grace, and glory, and mercy. But you are not worthy to even fasten the buckle on my slipper.

All things are possible through GOD, but indeed, only by the Holy grace and mercy and generosity of the discernment, knowledge, and Holy revelation He has gifted me, I say you are indeed the False Shepherd. The Lord would even forgive one as wretched and miserable as you, but beyond His divine gifts of wisdom and faith and healing, I am the Righteousness of the GOD. Can you go against Him, brother? You are a fool, and not worthy of my prayers. Not worthy of His image. I see you as you truly are: A slippery dead thing, for He is life, and only He is good, therefore that which is not of Him is death and evil.

Do you know why my men will die for me? I have seen each one of their fates, and they trust in me, as I trust in the King of the Skies and Land, forever, immortal and invisible, my Father, the Lord GOD.

You are doomed, for I am flawed with a limit to my mercy and imagination, unlike my Master. And yet, like Him, I cannot be killed, and I know the future. I know how it ends.

Praise be! Praise be!”

-Melchizedek

"Greetings to you,

I apologize for my delayed response to your so effortlessly well-written letter; I've been a bit busy avoiding the assassins your church sends each day.

I do not know what to call you, but it will not be Your Eminence, nor friend, nor brother. For I only bow to the Most High GOD. And my brothers and my sisters are His fellow children, for I am His son. And though I would rather it be another way, you are no friend of mine for the time being. So, I suppose I will just call you Alfred, if that is all right.

Know this, Alfred: GOD despises you and your pagan temple. He despises every stone you've lain down in His name. He despises your title as His Vicar, and the shimmering white robes you adorn your unworthy frame with to appear as perhaps He or His Angel in Human form among fools who'd bow before you as they should only do to the Lord, and kiss your ring.

Despite His hatred for you, Alfred, I would not have you slain. For though you've made attempts on my life, I forgive you. And with open arms, I welcome you to be baptized by me. With the slate wiped clean, the False Shepherd cannot touch a child of the Lord my GOD, the brother of me, His prophet. 

The New World approaches, Alfred. You are in trouble, and like it or not, you need me. You'd have me killed and wash the blood from your own hands, and continue to don your garments and be a god among men. And then what? The Lord will only kill you. And in the Void, you will be all alone, though you are in the same exact place as your followers, and those who were brought up by your perversion, and those who brought about your own perversion, you will be alone and with nothing.

Repent, child. Seek me, and be born again in His mercy and grace. And rejoice, for though you were a liar and a killer of the righteous; an agent of the False Shepherd and a wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked thing whose death would have the very worst of stings, you shall start anew.

Rejoice, Alfred. Rejoice! For I know how it ends!

Come unto me, Alfred. Come. Whosoeverwill, let them come.

Come and see, Alfred. Come."

-Melchizedek.

Good morning,

Children of GOD, and others.

Dark times approach, rapidly. A new world is coming to life, even now, I'm sure you can smell it's breath. For those of you who decline my appeal, and the appeal of the Lord, your state of decline will begin momentarily.

And for the rest of you; my flock, you are Sons and Daughters of the Most High, and as I promised, will be be made Generals and Kings in His Promised Land, for He sent me for you, and He calls you home! Today begins the countdown of our glorious arrival and the erection of our City Atop the Pillar of Cloud which shall be the New Capital of His Promised Land. But be warned, for Fowlers caught in the Snare of the Dirt, teething on Cakes of Pith, they shall call out to you "Fool! Can you not see GOD has left?! Come down and join us in our butchery and looting!" But fear not, for you will have seen His glory, and fear Him, and if need be, shall hold onto the fibers of my clothes, and bury your faces into me as the Wind howls in anger; His and mine. 

Where in His Dwelling, we shall sit at His table, be you Duke or beggar, you shall feast! He shall adorn you with a signet ring of His house, and clothe you in an ornate robe and a fine sash of crimson and purple thread, and you shall dance and drink merrily as the Sodom Below, yes, YOU who put your faith in men and not in GOD, here is my advice: gash out your eyes, or if you a coward, cover them in gauze. For you shall surely go mad at the sight of His glory, and be ridden with the torment of your own foolishness. You shall damn the church; damn the men; damn the False Shepherd who led you away from me. 

That is all.

-Melchizedek.

34 minutes ago, VIROS said:

The High Pontiff receives a copy of Melchizedek's most recent work in his morning brief. He scans the text, then stops and looks to his secretary. "How many times have we executed this heretic now? He must have some necromancer ally," he says.

Or perhaps he might begin to wonder... Was that really Melchizedek who's head they lopped off? Or is this Melchizedek truly essential to the Lord that He might keep him from death? 

And by the harsh light of the Spirit Realm's sun did I first see Man as either amorphous, gelatinous creatures without mouths or hands or feet, unable to cause even themselves harm and with altered perceptions of time to deepen their anguish, or mutilated and transformed into what I can only describe as grotesque simians with gigantic sexual organs. Their sanity lost. Their temperaments regressed into that of a child. These were not only the homosexuals, but the sexually immoral in general. That being even those born into unclean, libidic sin. That being, the mutations responsible for the many races whose forms are completely warped from the Lord's image. Uruks, Goblins, Halflings, Dwarves, Elves, and so on -- for they were born into a curse on top of their premature, fleshly gyves that would otherwise fetter us all to the world from the Womb. Because of these sins, (the sins of their fathers and grandfathers), GOD cannot stand the sight of them. For I knew then that the way I saw these sinners now, it was the way GOD has been forced to see them from the beginning. For He cannot lie, and these were their True Forms. He cannot turn away, for He is all knowing, even when He does not want to be. The sinful who are not Human, despite their abilities, have always lacked the sapience to be creative or the ability to move freely, and they are jealous, they will exact revenge on humanity by torturing even the last remnants of the species that, through the temptations of Beasts, created them in their birth-defects. 

As the Human must be Baptized in water, a Non-Human must instead have their flesh burned in the name of the Father, Prophet, and Lord. Pointed ears should be circumcised and rounded, and tusks and fangs on that of a humanoid should be filed down. A Half-Breed must have only their Left-Sides burned, then receive their Baptism only on their Right, in the name of the Father, Prophet, and Lord. The sexually-immoral who refuse the notion that they must change; you shall force their Baptism before their dragooning proliferates. And mutants (Non-Humans) who do not see their forms as anathematized to a higher extent than that of a wretch, and do not rue their ill-starred, supplemental Nativial-Sin must too have their righteous Scorchings forced onto them. For then they are invisible, and the Lord your GOD should not have His Spirit vexed and squicked by such abominations. And with their unclean hearts will otherwise come our demise. Even those saved who are Non-Human or Half-Bred, you shan't allow them to be married, and you shall chastise them. For their seed is uniquely stigmatized. Their blood mustn't go on, for I know it is the Will of the Lord your GOD there is no progeny churned out with extra sin, for these have no place anymore, and the Sin of the World is almost Hopeless on it's own.

With that, My Children, I Pray You'll Receive My Gift: Your Aim Shall Be True, For Your Eyes Are Now Mine: The Prophet's.

In the Name of the Father, in the Name of the Prophet, in the Name of the Lord, Go Forth, And Sin No More. Go Forth, And Stop Them From Sinning.

Amen.

-Melchizedek.

And at the slump of a rashly-coiled gunny vine, Friar Boniface was no more. For at the claws of the False Shepherd’s sway was he silenced, by the gods of the Cities of Man whose lechery for the hearts and souls of the wayward made them embosom lies and keck at the fetor of once apodictic truths. Boniface was my brother, and I loved him. I prayed for GOD to ransom him from the etiolated springe of false-converts and whoring, quartzdust-snoring mountebanks. But Boniface loved the Lord and rejected me as His Prophet. And so, Our Father did not hold his feet, but turned from him. And now, those same beasts who’d murder a man for beginning to profess their malversations make attempts on my life, on behalf of the False Shepherd in all his desperation and audacity. But the Lord is with me, and it is His to avenge, and We shall Repay in His Holy Name. 

I declare, in the Name of Our Father, in the Name of Our Prophet, in the Name of Our Lord, those who follow me shall be great kings and generals of a New World.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Death has no sting!

-The Prophet Melchizedek.

2 hours ago, Malaise said:

Please, please God, make it end. The inane fear of role-play. The asinine hatred of conflict. The escapist pipe dreams of a perfect world, here on this Minecraft server.

 

We, each and every one of us, are on a role-play server. That means we are supposed to insert ourselves into the role of a fictional character and act out their lives – every part of it. If your character is homosexual, they are homosexual. If your character is homophobic, they are homophobic. If your character identifies as a female but was born a biological male, if your character has no sexual urges whatsoever, if your character is bisexual, etc. etc. etc.

 

You do what they would do. That is what role-play is. It is all role-playing has ever been. You make the script. You make the decisions. You act on the outcomes. We are role-playing. I pray anybody keeping their eyes on this thread reads this comment and commits it to memory. It is not unethical to be homophobic in role-play. It is not unethical to commit violence upon homosexual characters. It is not unethical to despise the very notion of love itself. These are real character traits and our world is not a safe one. It never has been. Nearly every single event hosted on Lord of the Craft will involve in some way or form: death, misfortune, and suffering.

 

What difference does it make to your character, who is homosexual, whether you are killed by an angry clergyman who is homophobic, or a roving band of demons that wish to devour your soul? You are harassed by both and must act accordingly as a result. The difference between these two situations lies in the reality of one and the fantasy of another. You should be prepared for homophobia. You should not be prepared for a demon attack. The former hates you for who you are. The latter wishes to consume your soul and annihilate your world. The demons are the worse enemy – not the offender in holy vestments.

 

This is a role-play server. It will never be anything else. Homophobia should always be a facet of our universe and will never cease to be. The second it leaves our universe and spills into OOC, it is a problem, and one that will be fixed quickly if addressed through the proper channels. Do not make yourselves out to be the weak, ineffectual role-players that crying about adversity in-character will make you. 

Well said. Please exercise restraint in your language is immersion breaking enough. Complaining about something that is completely justified by the grounds of a make-believe world’s cultures, religions, and time period just because you choose to take it personally is a great way to ruin things for everyone else trying to participate in the creation of an enticing narrative. OOC issues should stay OOC, and RP issues should stay in RP. When you try and make them collide, it makes the bridge of my nose hurt from pinching it so hard. I’d really hate to see LOTC die from exhaustion, but the fact of the matter is: very few people want to be lectured at in a Minecraft RP server.

My Children,

This is a Gift for You, a Prayer for the Chosen Under Me, to help deter your Soul’s countenance to the naysayings and lies about the Truths of your Spirit from Those who would rather you be manacled to World as they, with chains stretching only as far as Our GOD in all His Wisdom suffers:

“Lord, I pray that Their Flesh will be Blinded and Horrified by Your Light surrounding Me on the Prophet’s behalf, and they will flee and never return to me. Amen.”

Be strong, child, for I know how it Ends. I have seen each and every one of your Fates. I know those of you by GOD who long for the passing of My Second Testament as they would for a Lost Love, and think dross of Baptism in the Name of the Father, in the Name of the Prophet, and in the Real Name of Our Lord. Come unto me NOW! For My Child’s hecatomb shan't be in forsaken, nor will the Bile of Our Living GOD!

Blessed Be. Blessed Be.

-The Prophet Melchizedek.

“... For those who ignore your admonition and would rather abuse you and kill you in My name to maintain their worldly influence shall die as snakes on their bellies. I will hunt them down to the ends of any realm, I will find them disrobed, despondent, and miserable, and blind. And they shall know who I Am, and that you were with Me...”

- Our Lord, to His Prophet Melchizedek.

There are indeed False Prophets, who are Beasts disguised as Men of GOD. There are False Converts, many whom are ignorant in that they worship idols of a god who is erroneous and copies the Good Name of the Lord who is True. And then there is the False Shepherd, who will come to lead the Holy Sacrament astray, Marked by the Lord, that We in His Wisdom might see his coming and prepare.

With chicanery and artifice, the False Shepherd will arrive to lead the Seed of the Prophet astray that those of you left behind in the Ways of Malfeasance and Vice may further bask in the Sin of the world that it may grow Thick and Throttle you. That you may be swallowed by the irreproachable Anger of a Living GOD.

For I saw a City of Hallowed Rock, and surrounding it’s corners were Heroes of the Lord, who were given trumpets as pure as Gold, and Brands without Blemish, as clear as glass. And lo, before me the Land shook, and the Sun was Dark and the Moon turned Red and every star in the Skies fell down upon the World. And our Father broke out against you, the Malefactors, who were born sopping in feculence then rolled unto sublunary dust to commit the sin of idolatry in making your own gods. Gods who are lazy and without scruples and who care even less when you lie and when you murder and when you fornicate. By these shall the False Shepherd cow the foolish and the vile into disdaining the Lord and His Prophet, and by these machinations shall the wicked prolong their influence over you, and by their desperate and violent hands shall I surely die. For I begged the Lord, “Save them, Father, that I may instead be cast to the Void in their place!” And at this, He said, “Not you, Melchizedek.” For He remembered that I too was born into sin. “But I shall lift the Curse that would otherwise bound your Seed to the earth’s cupidity. And by the sacrifice of your Miracle Child shall every knee bow. Not through you, Melchizedek, for even now the Harlot Church conspires against you, and when they cannot be rid of you by Charter, they will have you assassinated in an attempt to keep all to their ways, for as it stands, they are gods to fools. By the False Shepherd, you shall be Finished.” Said the Lord to me, and I wept.

And I saw, there was Death. He leaned against The Post, and I saw Men weep and vomit as they became Creatures, for they had left GOD’s image, for He was gone, as was Hope, and their World was dark and cold. And by their own will, their complexions were masticated, their fats were rendered, and they tore at the arteries coiled around each other’s femurs with fangs like daggers and teeth like swords. For they pushed the blame of Death’s befalling on one another, and they could not be prepared for his Sting.

1 minute ago, Boniface said:

“No, you are a false prophet. I do not advocate for the dismantling of the church, merely the Pontificate which rules it in favor of a new and fresh leadership.” said Boniface.

“You want what GOD has asked of me. You believe me to be false in the ways of the Most High GOD, but He has told me a great deal of you, Brother Boniface. And I like you. But even such a righteous servant of the Beginning and the End might trample where there are serpents and scorpions. Come unto Me, child. Death has no sting.” Says the Prophet.

“Let us work together.” Might propose the Prophet Melchizedek.

“You who worship the Church, or even the sun created by the Most High. This is as foolish as kissing in thanks the gift and not the giver...”

-From our Lord, through his servant Melchizedek.

As the foundation of the Church was built by GOD, with every decade, Stones of Mar were laid down by Man. And as it stands today, the Lord despises the Church, for it has become corrupt. He refers to the Church as Harlot, for She became stubborn and insincere with the influence of hypocrites; liars, killers of women, blasphemers and adulterers at Heart. But those who find identity in their Church rather than the Lord plead, “Prophet! We have fed the poor and converted pagans and made them wise! Men are weak, and we are to have patience in regards to their failings, so says the Lord our GOD! Those corrupt in our Clergy, tell us who they are that we may cast them out, as we have done in the past!” And I say to them, “Why did you allow corruption to enter His Church in the first place?!” For even if only the hand of the Leper is white with taint, he remains unclean if he should cut it off!

The False Children of GOD have put their gratitude and faith in the Church, and not in Him. They do their deeds and there is no repentance with Baptism; only mass whenever they can find time in their lives to recite impersonal “prayers” written by Man, who have taken it upon themselves to act as GOD, it would seem. To promote unworthy worship to the Beginning and the End through mindless chants and ceremonies that are not Written, but fabricated by misconceptions and lack of Wisdom and Discernment by faithless Men put in charge of the Faith of others only by the orchestrations of the Beast. For this reason, GOD has turned away from the Church, for he cannot be where there is sin, and so His Glory does not shine over the once Holy places as it did to blind and horrify the flesh of wicked Men. The Churches, as by decree of the One True GOD, can no longer be thought of as built upon the foundations of He and His Word, but on that of serpents and audacious con-men. For, as it stands by the Will of the Most High GOD, there is One way to the Father, and that is with Baptism and Repentance through me, His Prophet. For the Church is not a building, and I have seen the Flood of Fire that will drown in righteous flame the Sodom;  cleansing the world for His Arrival come the Day of Judgement. For we have upset Our Father, and He shall make the feet of evil Men slip, as their Doom rushes upon them. Heed my sayings, for I am the Prophet of the Lord your GOD.

-Melchizedek.

“And Malefactors shad be casted Down. Casted Down to their reside of scorched Perpetuity. Naked ‘cept for Black hats. Which Spikes yoke to boiled scalps...”

- From our Lord, through his servant Melchizedek.

In battle, a bolt grazed the side of my head. GOD kept me safe inside his breast, but before that, I dared not seek His look, lest He broke out against me. Until through water I was born anew and I saw the faces of GOD, and lo, my hair turned white as wool and I began to weep. From this second birth, I was named Melchizedek. “I love this nation, and her men, but they have turned from Me, as is their Curse,” said the Lord. “The Church is a harlot; the Adversary has filled her with greed and deceit. The Void awaits those to pretend to know Me.” And He revealed a Throng of Char which swallowed the Sodom of the world, but I was safe, for he lifted me from the Pit, and from under his wings I hid, but he opened my eyes and made me see. “Here awaits them, for My time is soon, and I will repay. Men who are not Baptized as you but left bound to the Wickedness of the Harlot (as is their Burden; their Spirit’s Penance for their Birth in Sin) shall beg the rocks and mountains to fall on them; to hide them from Me. As will those not of Mankind at all, for they are not of My Image, thus, they are detestable.” I pleaded with GOD, for you all are as I was, and I understood. For you are my brothers and sisters, as well as my children. “Then with Glory and a Firm Hand, Melchizedek, Save as many as there Are. Even those who do not wish to be Saved. For I, the Lord, am with you.”

Whosoever will, let them come. Seek our Father through me. Come. Be baptized with the slate wiped clean. Born again, with a new name you shall take, and a new heart with new desires you shall receive. With His feathers as your refuge at the time of the Cleansing of the Sodom below.

- Melchizedek

Dane  bit down on his cigarette, and a grunt escaped his scruffy scowl as he swiftly fell to the ground and began to desperately claw at the mud of Thea’s grave, digging his toes into the earth so his feet would not slip in the rain... The feral spent twenty years getting back to her; she was all he had left, and now she was dead, and died hating him for something he could not remember. So selfish as to take her own life and leave the beastie without even someone to hunt down at the end of some corner of some realm and drag to the void to devour.  He held her corpse now, covered in filth and in the pouring rain. Sitting in the mud, helplessly nudging his nose against her sunken cheek, and rubbing his bristly scruff against her insensate forehead. He would never forget the day he nearly died, but saved this woman’s life. She stayed with him that night, and he got to listen to her breathing against his cold heart through blood-soaked bandages. He didn’t sleep, for he thought he had earned the treat of smelling his most favorite scent for hours. In the life of Oren’s Dog-Man, that was his greatest day, and this is his worst.

4 minutes ago, BritJava said:

UwU I’m a idiot

Simon Mercer Questions his sanity, also wondering how Sir. Humphrey can see OOC Chat.

Sir Humphrey thinks that was a really great comeback.

2 minutes ago, BritJava said:

Simon Mercer would snicker at the business card, knowing he’s a better lawyer than Sir. Humphrey

Sir Humphrey remembers literally 5 minutes ago when Simon Mercer was bitching on OOC about how no one wants to hire him and asked how to get clients.

Patrons of the Arts!

BEAUTIFUL’s is now open to the public!

Previously, the highly exclusive BEAUTIFUL’s nightclub (located underneath The Dragon’s Rest Tavern in Helena) required a special Masque of Invitation (fashioned by Mr. Beautiful himself, handed only to those Mr. Beautiful deemed fit for a membership) in exchange for entry to the astounding showcases and parties. The New Mr. Beautiful does not require anyone wear a Masque of Invitation, and only asks that guests arrive in their very best attire in order to comply with the club’s strict dress code, as well as pay a small entrance fee of 30 mina per person.

Original Mr. Beautiful works will be out on display. They are not to be touched, and Mr. Beautiful’s genius is not to be disturbed during his live performances.

*Warning: BEAUTIFUL’s is not responsible for any bodily harm if regulations are not followed precisely. 

KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR PARTIES AND SHOWS!

We Look Forward To Seeing You!

Sir Humphrey runs his fingers through his soft and bouncy hair at the thought of a potential new client.

[!] Business Card

GOT CAUGHT?

Better Call Sir Humphrey!

ISA ON THE PROWL?

DON’T WANNA GO TO JAIL?

DON’T WANNA SWING?

CALL SIR HUMPHREY

CRIMINAL DEFENSE LAWYER

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0De29XxoObc

.

Although it would be incredible; I’d just like to say now that I’m NOT expecting this to be accepted.

I just had the idea not too long ago and wanted to share it.

Basically a throng of lunatics led by Mr. Beautiful completely take over the city of Helena. The guards are imprisoned; criminals are set free. The gates are shut; no one comes in and no one gets out. The town will be in a state of unqualified pandemonium; everyone is on their own. Trapped in this engirdled mobocracy swayed by a psychopathic begetter who will be sitting in his chair; laughing his ass off until somebody stops him.

Discord me if you’d like to hear more.

Dashing

”T’was I who contrived the thaumaturgic vision that was the exclusive Beautiful’s nightclub. Where my masterpieces would be exposed to view. My querencia shall never be mocked by some unfructuous two-bit dilettante and his scabrous ssssssssleazeball of a helpmate. Even coruscating mavens are subject to pride every now and again. That would only give the ancillary a slice from my fitful vexation. Of course that must mean smashing a face with a glossy bottle of Carrington Black (sponsor) then walloping it’s supple better half with my spats. Hew a pulchritudinous masque from spruce wood, why don’t you? Assuming the poor fellow’s fingering for nearly it’s entire life. Chop apart! Chopped aparrrrrrrrt!

I’ll be seeing you, my little beasties!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSzmuWImK7Q

[!] Poster

DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE A PART OF OR HAVE ANY AFFILIATION WITH THE IMPERIAL STATE ARMY OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT HAS TO DO WITH THE EMPIRE. THANK YOU.

’Tis I! ‘Tis I! Noble slayer of hordes and courageous crusader across every corner of every realm! Endurer of blistering winds and scorching deserts. Conqueror of execrable anathemas and egregious plights! With but one manful smite of my brand’s bitter steel, I’ve unmanacled dimensions of my sweltering ire that festers with the calefaction of a thousand wrothful suns! I am Sir Humphrey, and I did not deliver the world time and time again from a myriad of pothering malefactions just so it could be befouled by frog-men and werebeasts! For the malversation and oscitation of our Empire is the warrant we have for needing to constantly bide in inquietude! Let the reign of terror fade! For our next move, brothers and sisters, is to make ME Emperor! And in return, I will give to all of you whatever it is you want (so long as what you want isn’t to be the Emperor, or anything else that I say you can’t have)! Those of you who will join my revolution can find me at the tavern in Helena. Just be sure to pretend like you’re looking over the menu and sporadically gape at the plafond in outward contemplation of the options. For if they know we’re not ordering anything, I fear they might ask us to leave.

See You Then!

                                                                                                            ~ Sir Humphrey