XDSub

**Disclaimer** I am not an app reviewer, just someone giving advice.

So I wont hit on everything but I am worried that the Mods will look down upon your character and how he fits into the land of Aegis.. A minecrafter in a chicken suit is a tough sell.

Your application while consistent seems a bit contrived.. Interesting read, but always in the third person, a little strange...

Also "TheGreatPigeon" as a name might not fit as an authentic RP name... Possibly consider something closer to a name rather than a title.

Lastly a 24 year old elf is a child... consider revising.

Hope this was helpful!

XDSub

Disclaimer.. **I am not an application reviewer** just someone waiting in line like the rest..

But.. I have read many accepted and denied apps and I just wanted to point you towards a few corrections.

Double check your grammar as that turns many away I.e. "Yes, I have know English all of my life and know it very well" The word "known" would be more suitable especially when referring to ones grasp of the English language.

Get a rendered pic of your skin and do not use one of the defaults (minershavecoolshoes can help you edit a default skin quickly) Many apps are turned away for this.

I enjoyed the honesty on your least favorite law...

Hope this helps!

XDSub

Before a reviewer gets to you I'll offer some advice :) Friendly Advice!

The mods are probably going to say that you need to explain WHAT role playing is.. (Wiki/Dictionary could help)

Also that your bio is cliche and or already used. Although you did a great job referencing the lore.

You might want to address your name also, on an RP server you want a name that suits your character, and while Qjack suits you as a person, I probably does not suit your elven character,

Also look up Elven aging, at 24 an Elf would still be a child. Pick any age from 80-600 and you should be ok :)

Knock out those few points and you should have a much better chance at being a first time acceptance!

XDSub

I am not passing judgement on whether or not he should be accepted but after reading his application and especially his bio I think it might be more prudent to give some sort of praise on effort here. He obviously took the time and put forth the effort to meet the intentions of the process. He is also 15 and he may not have an extensive fantasy background (I.e. Unfamiliar with the standard age ranges of elves for example.) In addition he most obviously chose a name he thought would suit an RP character. He did not chose Legolas or one of the 22 variations. He chose what he thought might be a normal name. (I agree it doesn't jive with common lore... He just took it in the wrong direction.)

So as I my application has not been reviewed either I offer this advice with a disclaimer.. Obviously take the cues from the Applications review team over my own. But here is what I think.

You did an excellent job creating a story for yourself, whether the App has the time to read it all, it will be of use to you once you are accepted and develop your character in the world of Aegis.

I would maybe go to a dictionary site and look up role playing. Then think about it and put it in your own words. Make sure you convey the full meaning as I have seen many apps that get denied for that reason.

In regards to your name I might do a little research on naming conventions... I looked quickly and found this, it may help.. Elven Naming Conventions

In regards to the length of your bio, I conveyed earlier that it is not a loss that it is too long, it will aid you in building your character. But to meet the intent of Respiren, cut out some of the narrative (where your having a conversation). A biography doesn't include quotes unless they are absolutely vital.

So, after you get that done just right click any word you see with a red underline and select the proper spelling as I see many apps get turned away for grammar and punctuation.

I hope this is helpful!

XDSub

Out-Of-Character:

Minecraft Account Name:[XDSub]

How old are you?:[28]

Time-Zone/Country of Residence: [EST USA]

Do you have a good grip on the English language/good grammar?:[yes]

Small 2-3 Sentence Description of yourself:[Grew up in Palm Bay FL, went to college at UCF, joined the military in 2001, got married shortly after, went to Iraq, became a black hawk pilot, had my first child, went to Afghanistan, had twins (boy and girl) just became a TACOPS officer and off to Honduras to support counter drug operations and interdiction]

How much time could you be on the server weekly?:[15 hrs]

How long have you played mine craft?:[Almost a Year]

What do you know about role playing? How long have you been doing it? What kind?:[Role-playing refers to the changing of one's behavior to assume a role, either unconsciously to fill a social role, or consciously to act out an adopted role. While the Oxford English Dictionary defines role-playing as "the changing of one's behavior to fulfill a social role" Role playing is by nature an socially, mentally immersive experience. It requires a firm grasp of the character in which you play so that your actions/responses are consistent with your characters personality. It also requires a knowledge of mechanics/limitations. (For instance you can scream across the world at someone you want to talk to in chat..) Role playing is a subordinate means, in that it is a methodology to enjoying a social (usually) gaming experience soundly familiar to being immersed in a good fantasy book. You feel and think and act like you are there with the characters. I have been role playing for a long time, some in person activities, theater when I was younger (which is a form of role play) and many different gaming situations on RPGs, MMOs, etc etc. ]

What do you expect this server will be like?:[Well rounded and abundant group of devoted members focused on enjoying an immersive minecraft experience and those around them. I expect it to be the best server that I have seen. I expect the rules to be upheld, the server safeguarded against ill intentioned users. Most of all I expect it will be like a home away from home :)]

What other server(s) have you played on and why did you leave them?:[Atlanta Minecraft, left upon returning from Afghanistan]

Have you read, understood, and agreed to the rules? What about the lore?:[yes and yes, I was impressed on the exhaustive lore. Many RP groups have no foundation to build themselves, I don't think LotC falls into that category. You make it much easier to develop a character with a foundation]

Name the 4 races on this server. Human Elves Dwarves Orcs

How did you hear about us?:[A fellow mine crafter Kaeru Green]

Did you vote?:[yes]

What was your favorite Law?:[Punishable Theft]

What was your least favorite Law?:[i'm all about rules...But my least favorite might be that the laws do not extend outside of the city area. I think one should always be held accountable for his actions.]

What is your The Lord Of Craft forum account name?[XDSub]

In-Character:

Character Name:[Hunarf]

What is your Race?:[Dwarf]

-Lordofthecraft.net/forum forum account: XDSub

-Biography:Born of common birth as a the son of a shambayan (An orchestrator of supplies to a noble house. I was raised from 3 years as an apprentice to my father. A shambayan can always make use of a runner.. So I spent the majority of my childhood learning his craft and fetching whats was needed from the store houses. As a Dwarf this is the next closest thing to a banker. Being from a people who are magnificent blacksmiths and crafters, those who create have not the time to mine the depths constantly. That work is left to the more talented and organized unions of miners. They mine, we hold and sell and both make our profits. My father although a common man made a name for himself as a fine procurer of materials. He sought out the best for his nobleman that the houses reputation might be raised. In my time serving my father and his liege I grew a particular talent with provisions. Being able to read the times and the flows of society and gathering up what would be needed in the future. I was educated at a fairly young age, learning the basics of reading, scribing, arithmetic, metallurgy, finishing off with a apprenticeship to a foreman. I was provided a great opportunity by my father and his liege. Now I have set off on my own course in Kal’Urguan. Looking to be a requisitioner. I have a gentleness about myself that makes me agreeable to most people, even my thick headed brethren. Which is a necessity in my profession. My lofty goals include working for the Kal’Urguan royalty and being a liaison between the kingdoms. Bringing fine dwarven wares to lands far and wide. Eventually raising a family of my own.

Character Age:[41]

Character Appearance:[stout with impressive red hair/beard]

Character Personality:[Amiable, Agreeable, cunning in business and trade]

Your ambitions:[To bring vast wealth to my kingdom and rise in prestige through a servants spirit]

Can your character read or write?:[yes]

Can your character mine?:[yes]

Are you a capable builder?[With proper oversight]

Can you wield a sword?:[i do carry one, but I am no swordsman]

Enjoy Farming?:[For my family]

Does your character have any special skills?:[Trade negotiations, metallurgy, organizing stores and wares]

Skin picture

In addition here are a few pics to back up my story :) Also to give you a face to put to the application!

Last deployment flying a Black Hawk in Afghanistan

My family, I am obviously the man on the right.. My oldest son James (Who's 3 is not in the picture..)

Out-Of-Character:

-Minecraft Account Name:[XDSub]

-How old are you?:[28]

-Time-Zone/Country of Residence: [EST USA]

-Do you have a good grip on the English language/good grammar?:[yes]

-Small 2-3 Sentence Description of yourself:[Grew up in Palm Bay FL, went to college at UCF, joined the military in 2001, got married shortly after, went to Iraq, became a black hawk pilot, had my first child, went to Afghanistan, had twins (boy and girl) just became a TACOPS officer and off to Honduras to support counter drug operations and interdiction]

-How much time could you be on the server weekly?:[15 hrs]

-How long have you played mine craft?:[Almost a Year]

-What do you know about role playing? How long have you been doing it? What kind?:[Role-playing refers to the changing of one's behavior to assume a role, either unconsciously to fill a social role, or consciously to act out an adopted role. While the Oxford English Dictionary defines role-playing as "the changing of one's behavior to fulfill a social role" Role playing is by nature an socially, mentally immersive experience. It requires a firm grasp of the character in which you play so that your actions/responses are consistent with your characters personality. It also requires a knowledge of mechanics/limitations. (For instance you can scream across the world at someone you want to talk to in chat..) Role playing is a subordinate means, in that it is a methodology to enjoying a social (usually) gaming experience soundly familiar to being immersed in a good fantasy book. You feel and think and act like you are there with the characters. I have been role playing for a long time, some in person activities, theater when I was younger (which is a form of role play) and many different gaming situations on RPGs, MMOs, etc etc. ]

-What do you expect this server will be like?:[Well rounded and abundant group of devoted members focused on enjoying an immersive minecraft experience and those around them. I expect it to be the best server that I have seen. I expect the rules to be upheld, the server safeguarded against ill intentioned users. Most of all I expect it will be like a home away from home :)]

-What other server(s) have you played on and why did you leave them?:[Atlanta Minecraft, left upon returning from Afghanistan]

-Have you read, understood, and agreed to the rules? What about the lore?:[yes and yes, I was impressed on the exhaustive lore. Many RP groups have no foundation to build themselves, I don't think LotC falls into that category. You make it much easier to develop a character with a foundation]

-Name the 4 races on this server. Human Elves Dwarves Orcs

-How did you hear about us?:[A fellow mine crafter Kaeru Green]

-Did you vote?:[yes]

-What was your favorite Law?:[Punishable Theft]

-What was your least favorite Law?:[i'm all about rules...But my least favorite might be that the laws do not extend outside of the city area. I think one should always be held accountable for his actions.]

-What is your The Lord Of Craft forum account name?[XDSub]

In-Character:

-Character Name:[Hunarf]

-What is your Race?:[Dwarf]

-Lordofthecraft.net/forum forum account: XDSub

-Biography:Born of common birth as a the son of a shambayan (An orchestrator of supplies to a noble house. I was raised from 3 years as an apprentice to my father. A shambayan can always make use of a runner.. So I spent the majority of my childhood learning his craft and fetching whats was needed from the store houses. As a Dwarf this is the next closest thing to a banker. Being from a people who are magnificent blacksmiths and crafters, those who create have not the time to mine the depths constantly. That work is left to the more talented and organized unions of miners. They mine, we hold and sell and both make our profits. My father although a common man made a name for himself as a fine procurer of materials. He sought out the best for his nobleman that the houses reputation might be raised. In my time serving my father and his liege I grew a particular talent with provisions. Being able to read the times and the flows of society and gathering up what would be needed in the future. I was educated at a fairly young age, learning the basics of reading, scribing, arithmetic, metallurgy, finishing off with a apprenticeship to a foreman. I was provided a great opportunity by my father and his liege. Now I have set off on my own course in Kal’Urguan. Looking to be a requisitioner. I have a gentleness about myself that makes me agreeable to most people, even my thick headed brethren. Which is a necessity in my profession. My lofty goals include working for the Kal’Urguan royalty and being a liaison between the kingdoms. Bringing fine dwarven wares to lands far and wide. Eventually raising a family of my own.

-Character Age:[41]

-Character Appearance:[stout with impressive red hair/beard]

-Character Personality:[Amiable, Agreeable, cunning in business and trade]

-Your ambitions:[To bring vast wealth to my kingdom and rise in prestige through a servants spirit]

-Can your character read or write?:[yes]

-Can your character mine?:[yes]

-Are you a capable builder?[With proper oversight]

-Can you wield a sword?:[i do carry one, but I am no swordsman]

-Enjoy Farming?:[For my family]

-Does your character have any special skills?:[Trade negotiations, metallurgy, organizing stores and wares]

Skin picture

http://www.minecraftskinspro.com/preview3d.asp?filename=a_dwarf_skin_by_jackie1st.png