With the election having ended; Julie picked up the ballot box, gathered some halflings from the village to double check her counting, and tallied up all the votes, discarding only the two cast by children per the election rules. Once the count had been checked and double checked, a flyer was posted around the village announcing the results.

The RESULTS of

the Honeyhill Elections of 692 SR

The Honeyhill Elections of 692 SR have ended. The people have chosen a new Thain, Mayor, and Sheriff; and so my time as the interrim Mayor of Honeyhill has ended and I hereby relinquish my powers to them so that they may continue the march of our people into a bright new era of democracy.

The results of the elections are as follows:

Thain

With 6 votes, King Cyris Collingwood has been elected Thain. His defeated opponent, Lily Peregrin, recieved 4 votes.

Mayor

With 10 votes, Mimosa Applefoot has been elected Mayor. Her defeated opponent, Magnolia Fiddleberry, recieved 1 vote.

Sheriff

With 7 votes, Hob the Beast Slayer has been elected Sheriff. His defeated opponent, Breasal Nimblefoot, recieved 3 votes.

The Ballot:

((MC Name: BozoNotic))

Name: Monkey Peregrin

Vote for Thain:
King Cyris Collingwood ()
Lily Peregrin (X)

Vote for Mayor:
Mimosa Applefoot ()

Magnolia Fiddleberry (X)

Vote for Sheriff:

Breasal Nimblefoot ()
Hob the Beast Slayer (X)
 

The Ballot:

((MC Name: HalflingPrincess))

Name: Julie Riverwing

Vote for Thain:
King Cyris Collingwood (X)
Lily Peregrin ()

Vote for Mayor:
Mimosa Applefoot (X)

Magnolia Fiddleberry ()

Vote for Sheriff:

Breasal Nimblefoot (X)
Hob the Beast Slayer ()

The Honeyhill Elections of 692 SR

The time has come for the people of Honeyhill to elect a Thain, Mayor, and Sheriff. 
Please follow the instructions below:

THE CANDIDATES FOR THAIN:

King Cyris Collingwood

Lily Peregrin

THE CANDIDATES FOR MAYOR:
Mimosa Applefoot
Magnolia Fiddleberry

THE CANDIDATES FOR SHERIFF:
Breasal Nimblefoot
Hob the Beast Slayer

[!] A polling station can be found next to the entrance of the tavern.

The Ballot:

((MC Name:))

Name:

Vote for Thain:
King Cyris Collingwood ()
Lily Peregrin ()

Vote for Mayor:
Mimosa Applefoot ()

Magnolia Fiddleberry ()

Vote for Sheriff:

Breasal Nimblefoot ()
Hob the Beast Slayer ()

Rules of the Vote:

You may only cast one vote for each position

If you try to take ballots out of the box, your vote will be discounted

((No editing your post or metagaming the election progress))

((No voting as multiple personas))
Your vote will only be counted if you are an adult halfling associated with Honeyhill

Voting will close in 2 Pumpkin Days

((You have 48 hours to reply to this post))

May the best halfling win.

A Republic Restored

The Results of the Honeyhill Government Vote

In accordance with the prior plan and decisions of the People's Moot, a village-wide vote regarding its proposals for a new halfling government has been taken. Of the ten eligible votes cast, all of them were cast in favor of the plan forwarded by King Cyris Collingwood, making that plan henceforth the lawful frame of government for Honeyhill. 

Under the provisions of the plan, the offices of Thain and Sherrif are to be assumed only with the consent of the people through an election. As such, all standing claims to these offices (notably from Mimosa Applefoot and Lily Peregrin in the case of the former and Hob the Beast Slayer in the case of the latter) are null and void unless these individuals win the elections that will soon begin for these offices. More importantly, an election for Mayor will also be held at the same time as elections for these to offices. The polls for those will open in two pumpkin days, until then I ask any interested in running in these elections to announce there candidacies so that I can ensure they are on the ballot.

As Cyris' plan did not include any rules for elections, providing no objections are raised I will place the following rules, mostly based on previous halfling elections, on the elections that are about to be held:

• In accordance with the rules of previous elections, only adult halflings associated with Honeyhill can be elected to any office or vote in the elections.
• The same candidate cannot run for multiple offices at once
• Because each voter will only be able to cast a single vote for each office, a tie is possible. If the election involved more than two candidates, in the event of a tie a run-off election will be held involving only tied candidates. If a race involving only two candidates is tied, it will be up to the contested candidates to settle the matter personally between one another. Under no circumstances however should multiple people end up holding the same office at once - the three Elder system was a disaster for Bramblebury. 
• The elections will last four pumpkin days; two for candidates to announce they are running and two for voting
• All other rules concerning ballots will be carried over from the rules stated on the ballot for the government vote

I encourage all candidates for Thain, Mayor, or Sheriff to announce they are running as soon as possible. It's time to show history what we've learned from it, and move on into a brighter era.

The Ballot:

((MC Name: HalflingPrincess))

Name: Julie Riverwing
Vote for Proposals:
Proposal I (Hal’s Proposal) ()

Proposal II (Cyris’ Proposal) (X)
Neither ()

A Vote On the Government of Honeyhill

With the passing of the old regime of Lily Peregrin, the time has come for the people of Honeyhill to vote for a new government.

The People’s Moot came up with two proposals for what the new government would look like, which will be described below.
If neither of these proposals are acceptable to a voter, they also have the option to vote to reject both. In the event the option of “neither” receives the most votes, another People’s Moot will be held for the purpose of reaching a workable compromise. Otherwise, the proposal that wins the most votes will be implemented and as temporary Mayor, I will organize the elections necessitated by the winning proposal.

Proposal I
By Mr. Hal Applefoot

Preamble

In the last century, the way our society has operated in terms of its governance has been flawed. Therefore I would propose we cut back on how many leaders we have to one, we do not need Elders, who generally do nothing but persist the presence of the old guard, nor a Thain even if they were elected. The Mayor's office should return, though their duties should be limited leaving much autonomy to the people of Honeyhill to do as they please. Less is more; a simplistic government is the only way forward for the wee-folk of Honeyhill.

Thain

The troublesome office of the Thain should be abolished, replaced with the new elected office of the Mayor. 

Mayor

Elected every eight years at the Weefolks Moot. Mayors handle events, organise festivals and generally act as the representative of the people of Honeyhill in communication with entities like the King of Haense. In this regard the government of the village shall be purely event oriented.  

Sheriff

Appointed by the Mayor, the Sheriff manages the peace in Honeyhill and protects it from any beasts or dangerous outsiders. 

Weefolks Moot

A gathering held every eight years, the Weefolks Moot is where the weefolk elect a new Mayor by simple majority and generally congregate to discuss the goings of the village. 

Proposal II
By King Cyris Collingwood

Preamble

The foundation of this proposal is that a halfling government ought to serve its people, not the other way around.

Thain

The Thain will become an elected official, serving for life unless removed by a vote of the people. The duty of the Thain will be to offer advice to the Mayor, but mostly to see to foreign affairs and diplomatic relations. The Thain should be viewed primarily as a figurehead. 

Mayor and Elders

The Mayor will be an elected official, serving for life unless removed by a vote of the people. The Mayor will attend to all internal matters, and due to the vast nature of these duties will be allowed to appoint Elders to help them. Elders in of themselves will hold no power, and will simply assist the Mayor with whatever tasks they are assigned. The Thain may also appoint Elders, but given that their duties will consist only of diplomacy this is unlikely to be necessary. 

Sheriff 

The Sheriff’s office will retain its current powers, being elected by the people until death or removal by their vote. They are not to be interfered with or vetoed by any member of the government. 

The People’s Power

As stated earlier, the people may vote to have any member of the government step down if they are doing a bad job, even Elders.

The Moot

If any major decisions come up, the village may vote on them if the Mayor and Thain deem it necessary or if the people raise enough of a concern for such to happen. All votes at a moot will require a 2/3rds majority of those present at the Moot to pass. 

Titles

All names and titles in this proposal are subject to change if we as a people decide on something different.

[!] A polling station can be found next to the entrance of the tavern.

The Ballot:

((MC Name:))

Name:
Vote for Proposals:
Proposal I (Hal’s Proposal) ()

Proposal II (Cyris’ Proposal) ()
Neither ()

Rules of the Vote:

Voters may cast no more than one vote on this ballot

If you try to take ballots out of the box, your vote will be discounted

((No editing your post or metagaming the election progress))

((No voting as multiple personas))
Your vote will only be counted if you are an adult halfling associated with Honeyhill

Voting will close in 2 Pumpkin Days

((You have 48 hours to reply to this post))

[!] A missive is posted to the Honeyhill noticeboard, it bears the flag of the village.

THE PEOPLE'S REVOLUTION

An Announcement from the TEMPORARY Mayor of Honeyhill: Julie Riverwing

The People's Moot has met and much transpired there. The previous Thain, Lily Peregrin, after a heated exchange with me and several other residents of Honeyhill at the Moot has relinquished her shovel and left the village. In her absence, the Moot discussed steps to rebuild the government of Honeyhill anew. To that end, we have landed on two possible frames of government, which we will shortly put before the village to be voted on. In the event both of these proposals are outvoted by the third option on the ballot, which will be a vote for neither, we will hold another People's Moot to see if a workable compromise can be reached.

Until the new government is implemented, the Moot has chosen me to be the temporary leader of the village. I accept this position only because some form of leadership will be needed during the time it takes for us to rebuild the government and because the Moot could not fully agree on any other candidate. I have no intention of using the powers I have been given for any purpose other than faciliating the transition to whichever new government we implement, nor do I even have any interest in serving in that new government. 

That said, I would like to call upon the village which I have been chosen to lead to remain patient. I will try to see to it that this vote and any elections that it calls for be faciliated as quickly as possible. If you disagree with what the Moot decided, then I strongly urge you not to post missives declaring us illegitimate or anything of that sort and to instead simply vote against our proposals when the time comes. It is important that that vote is as representative of the village's will as possible.

The plans should be published and the ballot open soon.


 

Julie is utterly bewildered yet perhaps just a tiny bit amused that the words "The Goodbarrels will intervene to stop a civil war and save properness for all halflings." are being used to describe her actions.

[!] A flyer is spread around Honeyhill

Calling all Halflings!
Come to

The People's Moot

A letter written by Mimosa Applefoot at the request of Cyris Collingwood has been circulated around the village of Honeyhill calling upon the "Goodbarrels" to restore peace and unity to the village by helping organize an election. Seeing as Greta Goodbarrel and her immediate family are dead and I, Julie Riverwing, am known to be the foremost proponet of Goodbarrel's political philosophy, I can only assume this letter was addressed at me.

Given my more controversial views, I do not think it would be wise to do exactly what Mimosa suggested, and try to fix everything alone. We cannot hope to achieve unity by placing our trust in one person. The future of this village must be decided by all of its residents, and for that purpose I call upon everyone in Honeyhill to join me at a great moot, so that we may discuss as a village how to solve this crisis. 
 

It is my understanding that typically, Moots are called by the Thain, not random residents. But as I have expressed before, I consider all halflings to be equal to one another. This will not be a typical Moot where everyone throws out ideas and the Thain makes the final decision. This will be a People's Moot; no title shall be recognized except "resident of Honeyhill" and nothing shall be decided without having been put twice to a vote; once amongst those attending the Moot, and then village-wide. This will ensure that what we end up deciding is truly the will of the people. 

I will announce the date of the People's Moot within the next few days, I want to make sure as much of the village can be in attendence as possible.

Julie reads the letter with a mystified expression. "Goodbarrels? Es she talking 'boot me? She's go''a be, what wif her calling fer an election. Oi nae know what exacl'y she wan's me ter do t'ough. If we're gonna be 'avin' elections we ough'a let every'un discuss t'ings at a Moot.... aye, that'd be t'e way ter go."  With that she heads off to write a missive of her own. 

[!] Overnight, a short pamphlet appears on the Honeyhill Noticeboard.

Six Proposals for a New Republic

Introduction

Three score and twelve years ago, Rolladango Applefoot brought forth upon the village of Bramblebury an old and inconsistent form of government, concieved in absolutism, and dedicated the proposition that halflings, while all created equal, are incapable of self-rule. Now, Bramblebury's descendant Honeyhill appears to be engaged in a great power struggle, testing whether that system, or any system based on the rule of one over many, can long endure.

I am not ignorant of the reasons the halflings have reverted to a Thainship. I have dedicated my life to studying the history of the Halfling Republic, and I understand well the reasons for its failure. Though the proposals I am about to lay out, if agreed upon by the people of Honeyhill, will restore a Halfling Republic; it will restore one that looks very different from the one created by Greta Goodbarrel. I greatly admire the woman, but I have studied her project long enough to see where it went wrong. Though I agree with her higher ideals of personal liberty for all halflings, I also recognize that most of you do not consider those ideals a necessity for government. Those of you who remember me will likely recall my exodus from the village being the result of my disagreement with properness laws. Let us set that debate aside - what I am saying here has nothing to do with properness, or secularism, or any of the apparently wildly unpopular Goodbarrelian values.

The proposals I will offer in this pamphlet rest on two simple ideas that we should all agree on. That all halflings are born equal, and that a halfling government should be small and subject to the will of the people. The failure of the Goodbarrelian constitutions was not the result of democracy not working but of the government being needlessly large and the original constitution being enacted against the will of the majority. Regarding the first problem; I understand where Greta was coming from; she didn't want any member of the government to turn into a dictator; but checks and balances from within the government for so small a village muddle things needlessly. We do not need both a Mayor and a Thain, and we certainly do not need a poorly defined triumvirate of Elders - under the government I am about to propose, the check on the leader's power will be the people.

Without further ado, I make the following proposals for the reorganization of Honeyhill's government:

I.  Abolish the Thainship

As the preamble implied, the thing that prompted me to write this pamphlet was the struggle for the Thainship between Mimosa Applefoot and Lily Peregrin. To some extent, I agree with Mimosa - the Peregrin family has indeed attempted to turn the Thainship into a monarchy, and this - if nothing else, should be proof that the Thainship is simply not a good form of government. We must recognize that, given our tendency to be deeply devoted to our families, not one of us can truly be trusted to appoint a successor for ourselves with impartial judgement. Nepotism, as has occured with the Peregrin "dynasty", is inevitable as long as only one person has a say in who becomes the next Thain. It is time for the shovel to either be returned to Knox or laid to rest in the village museum. 

II.  Elect a Mayor Every Eight Years

As I implied in the first proposal, the only fair way to choose our leader is through a popular election, a vote open to all adult halflings in the village. The ballot should be public, so that the votes are visible for all to see and the winner is plainly obvious once the polls close. Each voter should get one vote. Since it is unlikely that only two candidates will run in an election, if no candidate wins over 50% of the vote a second round should be held between the two candidates with the most votes. It is extremely important that whoever loses an election is willing to accept the results. It is for that reason that I suggest the terms of a Mayor be eight years - if an election is lost, there's always next time.  I understand that elections could easily give way to factionalism, but as long as differences end at the ballot box we should not worry too much about that. It did not become a serious issue during the Goodbarrelian republic until we had three Elders of vaguely equal power. That will not be the frame of this new republic.

III.  Let the Mayor Govern

Though the Mayor should be called a Mayor to signify that they answer to the people and are not dictators, their powers and duties during their term of office would be, in effect, the same as that of a Thain. They would handle all duties of governing the village, and be allowed to appoint Elders to aid them in those duties serve as their advisors, delegating whatever tasks to them they see fit. Should the Mayor be indisposed, an Elder designated earlier by the former Mayor for that purpose should assume their duties, and may act as Mayor until a new one is elected should the office become vacant.

IV.  Keep the Sherrif

The Sherrif's department should continue to exist as it has traditionally, with the Sherrif being elected by the people to keep order in the village; serving until their death, retirement, or removal. The Sherrif should be allowed to appoint for themself a Deputy to assist them just as the Elders would assist the Mayor, and assume their duties should the Sherrif be indisposed.

V.  Give Power to the People

The Mayor and Sherrif alike, along with their Elders and Deputy respectively, should recognize that they govern by the will of the village's residents. Major decisions ought to be discussed by all the village's people at a village Moot, which may be organized by both the leadership and informally by ordinary residents. Should a number of residents equalling two thirds of the voters in the previous election demand a leader step down, that leader should do so, and if they do not it is the right of the people to ignore them and elect a replacement anyway. In order for this new form of government to survive, it must be flexible. The village is small enough that we may trust no abuse will go unnoticed by the people. 
 

VI.  Write a Constitution

Though such a document should not be too rigid, and should be worded in a way that everyone can understand, it is important that the basic rules of this form of government are clearly written down somewhere. Though would personally like to see it, this Constitution does not need to have a bill of rights protecting impropers, or for that matter anything controversial that the village wouldn't be able to generally agree on. The new Constitution should not require the approval of a Thain for ratification, nor should a Thain's approval be sufficient for that purpose. We will not repeat the mistakes of 1796; a new form of government cannot be implemented unless a significant majority (2/3rds perhaps) of the village's residents wish to see it implemented, in which case a Thain would be in effect powerless to resist it. 

It has been nearly a century since our people's previous experiment with democracy. We are an entirely new generation, and we have a well documented record of the mistakes of the past that will teach us not to repeat them. I know many who read this may have considered establishing a Halfling Republic in any form to have been one of those mistakes, but I hope the arguments I have made here have helped those people reconsider. I do not expect my testimony to be worth much; I am returning after a very long absence, to the point where most who reside here now probably have no idea who I am. But frankly that is unimportant; this is not about me. I have made these proposals for the benefit of the village, and the village can either take them or leave them. For my part, I will stick around, defend my ideas to any who wish to debate them, and see how this little game of shovels Mimosa and Lily are playing turns out. My hope is that we will all realize there's a better way to solve this. 

After reading the latest news from Honeyhill, Julie finally makes a decision she had been pondering for some time...

Julie, who despite living far away and trying not to give a **** about halfling politics, can't help but shake her head as she reads the pamphlet.  "T'is'd be a whole lo' simpler ef t'ey still 'ad elections. Oi'd imagine Lily'd win wifout a real contes', an t'en ef Mimosa still troid ter coup she coul' accuse 'er ef being a troublemaker wifout sounding loike a roigh' mad lass and showing every'un 'ow bad at 'istory she es."

From a far away place where she really shouldn't be caring so much about Honeyhill politics, Julie reads over the pamphlet and then rolls her eyes at it. "Oi mean, she's roigh' 'boot t'e Peregrins becoming a monarchy en all 'boot name bu'... come on, nobodeh is unseatin' t'at family et t'is point. Nae wifou' locking em all up er choppin' 'eads." She quickly clarifies for her wife. "Oi mean' t'at in, theory, luv."

Having recieved a ship burial, Greta Goodbarrel doesn't have a grave - but if she did, she'd be rolling over in it.

Under a tree near Elysium, a middle aged halfling's brow furrows as reads the message. "Oiris doied? Fook oi've really nae been payin' attention." She shakes her head as she continues to read, her frown deepening with each line. After finishing, she muses a few thoughts to herself "Whoi's et have t' be 'boot race all t'e damn toime. How can ye ask folk to put asoide t'eir differences wif ye if ye'll nae do et fer t'em?" She reads over the description of Bloomerville again, sighing. "Best village, realleh? If Gre'as t' be believed t'ats where t'ings started going downhill fer our people. T'ere was nae settin' asoide of differences t'ere, division ef anyfin'; jus' a few years la'er we were tearin' ourselves up over some stupi' god an kickin' ou' Isalie fer nae reason." She folds the paper neatly and tucks it away with the rest of her things. "Oi'll give 'er t'is, Oiris was a real noice lady; 's 'ow oi knew t'ere was nae hope for change once Oiris turne' ou' t' be jus' as much ef a stubborn old'un as t'e res'."

Which LotC character of yours would you say had the most strange, unusual, or unique life?

10 minutes ago, NotEvilAtAll said:

Halfling anti-shoe redlines in lore when?

Whenever we get stuff like anti-crowns of thorns redlines for all races.
Like shoes on halflings, most wouldn't elect to wear it and it'd be very painful but it's not physically impossible.

A fairly odd date to do an AMA on but who cares, I'm bored, I've been here a decent amount of time and I've always wanted to do one of these.

You know the drill, ask me anything.
 

[!] A small pamphlet bearing a symbol that has not been seen for some time makes its rounds around Honeyhill and elsewhere.

An Open Letter from an Improper Halfling

My name is Julie Riverwing. I am a resident of the village of Honeyhill and have been a loyal member of its community and that of Bramblebury before it. I am writing this letter to make the world aware of the hardships faced by improper halflings and bigguns in Honeyhill, and to inform my fellow Honyehill halflings and any others who may be interested in my efforts to resist this injustice through peaceful noncooperation with village authorities.

As certain missives issued by Thain Iris Peregrin may have revealed, my wife Elsie and I have been placed under arrest for locking the front the door of our burrow. Let it be known that we did this with full understanding that doing so is against village law. As we have explained to the Thain; we locked our door not out of serious concern for the safety of our burrow but because we believe it is our right to do so, and that the law that prohibits it is unjust. We did it because we agree with former Elder Greta Goodbarrel's famed declaration that all people are born free and equal and with certain rights such as life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, which cannot be taken away; that the authority of any leader comes from the consent of the governed; and that it is the duty of a leader to protect these rights by enforcing just laws.

However, the laws of Honeyhill as they stand are not just; they do not protect but harm our natural rights as people. They encourage discrimination against any who do not conform to traditional standards of properness. They outlaw basic freedoms such as the right to bear arms, to secure one's own home, and even to choose whether or not to wear shoes, and promote harrassment on the basis of race and lifestyle choices that harm no one. 

Do not mistake this message for a call to revolution. We have not acted out of disrespect of the rule of law but out of respect for natural law. Though we believe some laws that she currently enforces are unjust, we recognize that Iris Peregrin governs Honeyhill with the consent of her people. It is for this reason that we are prepared to accept any punishment she decides to give us. We are ready to sacrifice anything if it means taking a stand against injustice. It is likely, then, that we will soon be banished, as we do not plan to obey the Thain's order to remove the lock on our door. Out of respect for Iris' authority as well as out of our committment to our cause we will obey her order to leave the village, but our voices will not simply go quiet then.

The time has come has come for the world to know that halfling hospitality as it once was is dead. Until the unjust laws are repealed and Thain Iris Peregrin steps up to be a leader for all halflings, Honeyhill cannot be anything more than a backwards town where people harrass anyone different from them and leaders force people out of homes they built with their own hands simply for protecting them. If you believe you, us, or anyone you know have been treated unfairly under the laws and customs of Honeyhill, then now is the time to make yourself visible and your voice heard. It is our hope that in not complying with these unjust laws, no matter the personal cost to us, we may show our fellow Honeyhill halflings, especially those in positions of power, the wisdom in allowing one's neighbor to live life as they please. 

Signed,

Julie walks calmly back to her burrow after reading the notice, musing to herself "Ef ye wanna arres' some'un a' leas' come to t'eir door." 

An angry halfling lass shakes her head. "Fookin 'ell... when s'reets are police', t'ough's'll soon follow, er somefin'... maybe ef more folks 'ad real weapons we'd nae need to be "protec'ed" by a senile madman an' his friens." 

Silence filled the halls of Goodbarrel Burrow. The afternoon sun shone through the window, casting light on the thousands of pages of writings sitting on Greta Goodbarrel’s desk. As it had often been over the past few years, the burrow was empty save for Greta and a couple of Sorvians. Once home to five halflings, the burrow was now home to only two. Not since her early days in Brandybrook had Greta lived in such an empty burrow. As she entered her dining room, her eyes fell upon the various paintings on the walls. There was a portrait of her daughter Eliza when she was a baby. It was rare now that Eliza, all grown up and off on her own, would visit the burrow. Everyone has left, Greta thought, haven’t they? As her eyes moved across the other portraits, that same thought crossed her mind. There was a portrait of Inkers, and of herself and Isalie Gardner speaking before a crowd of halflings. She had grown accustomed to seeing these faces every day, but had not spoken to them in decades. At ninety-two years, Greta was not really an elderly halfling, but she had certainly begun to feel like one. 

Greta was entirely alone when she took a seat at her dining room table. Her wife Kerra had left on a shopping errand and her Sorvian Tolerance was still in the study reading. An opened bottle of Greta’s favorite fortified red wine was already resting on the table, and she hardly gave a second thought before picking up the bottle and taking a long swig from it, as was her custom. Not even a minute passed before the woman felt a sharp pain in her chest. She recognized it instantly. She knew what moment had arrived; a moment she had been imagining nearly all her life, a moment she had been long prepared for, though she had rarely imagined it would look like this.

Greta did not call for help, she didn’t even stand up. What was coming was inevitable, there was no choice now but to let it be. She began to imagine what people would be saying about her next week, or next year, or a hundred years from now; though it was not a question unique to this moment. All her life, Greta had been fixated on building herself a legacy, on writing things worthy of being read and achieving things worthy of being written about. She had resolved long ago not to become the simple housewife her mother had intended her to be and, to that end at least, she had succeeded. For as much as she resented her failures, reporting on them had left her finally satisfied. For nearly a decade now, Greta had felt her life was more or less complete.

But now the notion that Greta’s life was over was not just a feeling. As she began to lose consciousness, she started to imagine what she may soon see. Greta did not believe in any particular god, but she had never ruled out the possibility of an afterlife. In fact, as she collapsed on the table before her she could almost swear she had caught a glimpse of it. She could see her father, looking up from his book to offer her a warm smile. She could see Jol, waving to her with a mug of coffee in her other hand. She could see people she had hardly known like Kit-Kat and Fred Puddlefoot, and great halflings who had died long before her such as Rollo and her cousin Micah. Yet, as Greta got ever closer to the other side, her mind wandered back to the living world, to Kerra, to her daughters Elsie and Eliza, and to her friend Winter. She wondered if she would ever see them again. 

But Greta did not have long to ponder that question. Soon the pain gave way to nothing; no more senses, no more thoughts, and no more feelings. Nearly an hour passed before Tolerance went into the dining room to check on their maker, realized what had happened, and rushed off to find Kerra, to tell her and anyone else that should know that Greta Goodbarrel was dead.

As was her fashion in life, Greta had left behind quite a hefty pamphlet, which; after a brief introduction, was helpfully divided into sections addressed to various people she had known:

The Last Will and Letters of Greta Goodbarrel

To any it may concern,

If this pamphlet has been published, I have died. Whether by the hand of another, by unexpected tragedy, or fault of my own, my life has ended. As chance very likely has it, however, my departure from this world was abrupt, and I was not given what time I needed to give each of my loved ones a personal send off, nor to sort out my wishes for burial or my bequests. It is for this purpose that I write these final letters:

To my dear daughter, Eliza;

To my dear wife, Kerraline;
 

To my dear daughter, Elsie;
 

To my dearest friend, Winter;

To the Warden and Isalie;

To Anne;

To Valorin, Inkers, Maenor, and Aiera;

To all others who have crossed my path in Bramblebury, Haelun’or, and Norland;

If you feel that I have neglected to send you a letter, my apologies. If you believe you were at all important to me, then you likely were, for I do not show affection lightly. As of writing this, I have no idea how long I will have lived, but I am confident that it will have been far too short a time to live among such wonderful people. If I have ever offended you, I can offer only my general apologies. I, as much as any other person, was far from infallible, and throughout my life have committed many errors. Nevertheless, it is my hope that history will be kind to me, for I have devoted a great deal of my life to changing its course for the better. 

Though I will spare you all a political sermon, seeing as most of you are likely tired of such things, I will close by offering a final wish to any in the world who may listen: that a day soon comes when all peoples of the world live in peace, freedom, and equality.

With Regards to my Body and Belongings

I leave everything; including my books, my jewelry, my sword, my Sorvians, and my burrow; to my wife Kerra with the expectation that she will pass them on to Eliza when the time is right. Though my wife is under no obligation to continue caring for our vineyard or brewing wine in my place, I do hope that each and every bottle of Goodbarrel Wine soon finds its way to a thirsty person.

As for my body, I ask that, if possible, it be put out to sea in the fashion of Polo Gardner and other halflings of old. After all, my life was nothing if not a series of adventures. It is only fitting that it should end with one.

I bid all who are reading this one last farewell, may you all live long and happy lives.

Greta sighs, shaking her head as she reads the flyer "Another one. Yet again we stray further from the possibility of being seen as anything other than a backward people that worship pumpkins and mushrooms."