~≈Panda≈~

Panda doesn't think that a robe and mask will hide Rina's flamboyant hair~

She just needs to be clever about it...

This all sounds so fun, Panda cannot wait! * sleepy yay dance *

Panda can support this application one hundred percent! She thinks that Urararara can truly handle this.

Urarararararara would respect the members of LOTC and be mature about all her decisions.

If she can be an amazing leader of the Frosty witches, what makes you think she can't be a FM?

She also makes amazing cakes... Nothing to do with being a FM, but she makes amazing cakes!

(( only wild sheep, she finds it more cruel for the evil beasts to be pinned in where they cannot roam around and find soul's secrets))

(( her family believes them to be evil beings ))

(( This will be Rina's diary, she will write in this and the diary will update often. The information here should not be used in role play unless you read her diary. If you keep reading it may be a little creepy... Reading her personal bits... Panda decided to write this so people could know Rina more, and the " Epic adventures" she goes on. She will some times include charcoal drawings, that Panda will have to draw. Please enjoy the progression! ))

The writing you see is pretty nice, for being written with a cylinder of charcoal.

Dear Diary,

I wrote a letter to Meta today, and he replied back saying that he had gotten better! This made me so glad I planned and made some tea to have for later with him. Currently I am sitting at a fountain waiting for him. It seems that this purple man who is talking to me as I write this. He really seems interested in seeing the content of my pages, but I tell him it is private. I do not really mind him, he can be curious about it. He seems to be bored of the conversation, yet he still talks with me. We have changed the subject to cakes. He seems to not like cinnamon.

Any ways, beside explaining to him what nut meg is, I recently started knitting again since Meta really liked my mittens. He said it helped him more that he ever thought it would have.Its odd how I seem to be thinking of Meta a lot recently, maybe it is because of his interesting stories he must have! I hope we can become friends again! I seem to feel a bit more happier recently, less thoughts of killing myself and erasing my memories, I think I can say I can actually enjoy the stars now! There is not much else to say, but I need to remind myself to find more food soon, I gave most of my food over to a little girl who didn't have any. She needed it more than I did. There is not much else to write about, so I think I will draw the time away !

* There are various, detailed drawings of flowers, animals, and people. They are all highly- realistic and seem three-dimensional, like you could reach down and pick them up. *

Dear Diary,

You remember that man who made fantastic tea before, right Rina? His name is Meta, I came accross him in Arethor acting much different than usual. Gavin came beside me at some point and he told me Meta was brain washed. At that point, I almost surely dedicated myself to helping him. Gavin took me to Silva, for he said that his friend you be there. We met Meta's friend ( I truly cannot remember his name ) there, and we discussed plans on how to capture him to try to help him. I decided to poison my fuzzy hat, or try to get him to drink some thing with some heavy sedatives added. We traveled for quite a long time almost around all of Asulon before spotting him at last at the cloud temple. He ran out of the way, his friend seemed to abandon him and Arzota seemed to join mid-chase.

It was unfortunately raining, and it was near- torture, I could not seem to help by try to dodfge the drops, the feel as the hit me is so nerve racking. While this was going on, things just seemed to get worse as Arzota spoke with Meta. Before I knew it a fight broke out and I had to start fighting. Meta had already struck a couple hits at Arzota, so I threw myself at him to try to keep him away, but he seemed too quick with his swords to land ore than a couple hits, and dodge out of the way. I realized it would help if I used my bow, but unfortunately I only had three arrows. * Note to self, always have more arrows on you. * I hit my first mark with little trouble, but a man came and started attacking the badly hurt Arzota. It baffles me a little, but I think it was just because we are dark elves. Meta was using the man as a shield for my arrows, so I could not hit him. Meta started to run again, and I had to chase after him. I didn't want to just leave Arzota, but I heard him slowly trudging after me.

It makes my heart cringe when I remember this: Arzota going out of his way and trying to defend me, and help me with my interests. I keep telling myself I don't deserve friends like these for a reason, I just do not deserve them. Meta eventually fell in the cloud temple, and with quite a few suspicious glances, we tied him up. Meta seemed to have a raven that was cawing and calling for Meta's master to come, so we had to hoof it. I could not carry him much longer so I had to pass him on to Arzota. We made it to a sort of cave that offered little protection. I knew the best course of action was to calm Meta down, and treat him with kindness. It wouldn't be the first time I met some one brainwashed, they are trained to be resistant in interrogations. Plus, being kinder is a much more gentler way to coax him back. I know no change is instant, I had to stress the to Meta's friend when he suddenly arrived.

His friend was so cruel to him, and eventually had us sent out of the cave to go find Meta's wife with red hair. When I was unsuccessful with that, Arzota had to leave. When I came back, Meta and his friend seemed to have moved, I was very lucky when I happened to stumble upon them after such a long travel. They were behind a water fall, but I could hear Meta's cries plainly. I had no choice but to get wet again, it put me in an uncontrollably bad mood. No one seemed to pay mind as I entered, but seeing Meta being interrogated so roughly by his " friend " I objected many times, telling him that isn't a good course of action. The friend ignored me so I was forced to wait until he realized this was not going very far. It was not such a long wait before his friend pulled a knife on him and offered to kill him.

I instantly said no to this, getting up and trying to disarm him, but he wouldn't let go so I was forced to break his wrist to force him to let go. I regret this among the other things that I did, making Arzota fight, shooting Meta in the shoulder, and now breaking a man's wrist. No one should ever call me a good person. I focused on Meta, talking more calmly and soothingly to him, after giving Meta's friend a heavy sedative to help him pass out. I learned very many things from him, and I felt there was actually progress being made. When Meta's friend woke up, I fixed his wrist and apologized to him many times, but not enough to me. Meta must have been working the ropes free because he broke loose, but before he could even think of trying to escape his friend had tossed a nauseous-smelling potion at him, casuing him to pass out.

I re-tied him and dragged him away to some soft soil. It was then I convinced his friend to leave me in privacy to help Meta. Usually it is much harder, but Meta made it quite clear he was still there. Under my influence, I am sure I helped him. I really do not like writing or even thinking about what I felt but it hurt, a lot. After it ended I could not even help but cry in front of Meta's friend, like I was some kind of victim. I was sure I helped him, and slowly, surely I think that he will make it back to us, and maybe we can have some tea.

I helped his friend take Meta to Silva, to see his wife. I gave his friend instructions I hope that he follows, being with his wife is what Meta needs most.

Dear Diary,

I have recently acquired a golden apple. It pains me a lot to think, to know how much better my life might be if I ate it, but I dare not eat it.. Not now. I cannot even keep it on me, I know I need to think about this more. To forget every thing, the pains, the memories, would be over joying. To also forget all my friends, their stories, my family. I am the only bearer of the knowledge of the Kameki now, it would be the most selfish thing to wipe their memories from my mind. The looming hope of having some happiness with out the apple might still be enough to keep me from eating it. Then, to think, what kind of person would I be if I did eat the apple? Some thing tells me that I could become evil, hurting and hindering people... But I could never say that honestly to myself, I feel as if that would never happen. It is pretty hard to think of who I would be with out my memories.

Ironically enough, I can remember a time when I was just a little girl, before the killing of the family, before the death of Father. I really was happy, looking at the trees and bringing flowers to my mother for her to use for healing. Though I only brought her dandelions, which are not too good for healing at all. I smile at the thought of her smiling so warmly to me when I brought her those dandelions. I can't forget that, I should not and will not make myself forget that. Only at the purest last resort I should ever even try to think about that.

On a lighter note, I recently just healed a child as best as I could. There was not much need for me, all I gave her was some instructions and sedatives. It looked like she had been stepped on by a heavy orc, poor little nibblet. The parents tried to give me a reward, but like I told the carrot merchant, I prefer to be poor. Being rich only corrupts and makes you a more terrible person as a result. I do not wish to become like that, and I rarely need money, if I need to go some where, I prefer to walk! Speaking of walking, I should continue on now!

Dear Diary,

Theses past few days were truly some of the best in recent memory. I think I truly was happy these days. Coming to Ildon, I went to the bar that had the most pleasant surprise, my old best friend Brynn. I could have sworn she has died. We were both so happy to see each other and we embraced warmly, it was wonderful. Gavin was also there with his old friend, so we all sat down and I brought out some Kameki cakes for every one! I ate only a slice while they had the rest, I need to remember to add a bit more vanilla next time. Every thing turned all hazy and amazing, and I was just so happy to spend more time with Brynn again. She broke down about a bracelet, I though that the bracelets were snakes for the longest of times.

There was also this dark elf woman I can only assume to be either Goroth's lover or goroth's sister. I am pretty sure that he told me that his sister was dead, though. She really wanted to give me her satchel, but I just could not take it from her. It actually is a bit hard to remember what happened around that time for obvious reasons. At some point I acquired a fur hat, I really loved it, though I really think that it looked much better on Brynn! The ointment that I had made for Gavin is working and the flesh on his face is starting to regrow! Though, after all of that was done and we went our separate ways.. I felt quite sad after a while. I really am glad for the fun I had, I wish I had more of it.

Dear Diary,

* The writing goes on a bit, recalling these events *

(( Yeah, Panda knows it is lazy.. http://imgur.com/a/H3eux ))

When I woke up the first time, every thing was hazy, I don't remember much. When I woke up again, there was a strange man by me with low-cut pants and a blindfold on his face. I was covered in blood and bile.. The shame I felt was utterly over whelming. To try to kill myself in front of him, after he worked hard to save me. I really am selfish, wretched filth. Even after all I did he gave me love and food. I showed him my back, I am sure he almost puked. He offered to help, but I could clearly see he wanted no part in healing me. I understand, but my back really is getting worse and worse. It is truly hard to heal yourself behind your own back, Rina. Trying coating my back with capser oil works well, but it is really expensive to do so. What would help if I had some one to help me rub it in. After all of this, I just think I need some sleep, I really am not feeling good still.

* The writing seems to be written up and down ways, with strange symbols *

Genjitende wa, otoko wa Kameki no gengo o hanashite ita. Watashi wa kare ni motto hanashi o kiitaga, kare wa shiranakatta.

Dear Diary,

I was at Ildon, I was talking to Gaving and other like normal, even got some knitting done. But at some point while I was talking to a boy of fifteen years old, some things in me snapped. It started out with a simple slip up of my telling him of most of the bad events that has happened in the last couple of years, but at some point when he pulled me away, concerned... Well, I snapped.. Some thing in me went loose and I told him every thing. My pains, my fears my selfish, selfish desires. I even showed him the wounds on my back. With the sudden outburst he must have though I was insane or some thing! I have not seem him since then.. I must have made him run away. There is not need to worry now, I have punished myself for it.

While writing this is Salvus, my friend who wanted me to go to a wedding approached. We talked about wedding dress colors and their meaning. The dress that he picked out for her was Baby blue, and that shows signs of love and fidelity. It tells that they will be their truest loves, growingcloser and closer together until the point where one has an untimely and gruesome death. Well, that is what my mother told me.. I should have put it more lightly to the groom! Suddenly though while we were talking about it, a man in a blue robe came out of no where and knocked the groom's friend out and smacked the groom hard. He said there were hurting me, I instantly got up to protect them. When the man tried to grab me, I kicked him away. I must have kicked too hard because he curled up on the ground and started crying and sobbing for his dead wife.

He was wearing a blindfold, which was odd.. He did not look like a Mori. I tried to comfort him as best as I could, and defend that he was just confused and having a mental break down to the guards. They some how confused me for this, but it got all straightened out. I was pulled away by one of the guards and we had a long and pleasant talk about things like the Mori. I'm sure my lashings tore off the Mori slave mark by now, though I try not to look at my back very much. I really hope that man is okay.. Well, that is about all I want to write about, farewell diary.. I'll try not to put you by the spore medicines again..

Dear Diary,

I seemed to have lost my mind for a long time. Every thing was confusing, the trees turned into stone, long, black tendrils came out from the temple with such ominousness, every one was acting so very strange.At the temple I remember being so scared by a Kha I thought was my fried I slipped and fell off the side of the temple! I guess that is what I deserve for being too clumsy. I went into the woods, but it seemed I was followed by an orc. It wasn't an orc to be afraid of, it was the orc I healed with the frost bite! He seemed like he could talk now... It is a bit hard to remember. I must have made him worry so much for me, I shouldn't show my emotions that much, I was just a fool. I made up for it after he left me with his harp... That much I could recall. When I called down a bit, I might have been out of it still.

I rubbed charcoal into my hair like I do to protect it in the very cold weather, looking in the pond I think that is how my hair would look in it's natural color, charcoal black, like my eye brows. I took out my mother's bow and placed a rose in my hair. Putting on the celebratory mask I had, I was ready to go back to the cloud temple. I adopted a kind of persona, pretending that I was a dramatic actress, it really was fun thinking about it now. Dancing around and enjoying the people all dressed up. I was silly and mistook a man for some one who is a pervert. It was strange that I truly though he was talking about it, I really was out of my mind! At some point after the ball though.. I died..

It was so strange when I remember I was on the bridge. The next thing I knew I woke up at the cloud temple center, feeling empty in so many ways. There was a dark elf man that saved and revived me, and I was so grateful to that wonderful man. He even gave me bread, when I tried to turn it down, I did not last long for I was so very hungry.

The events that happened afterwards with Aedan being sick, I do not even wish to relive it, more so I would like to forget it as well as my cruelness.

Dear Diary,

I came up to a man with glowing blue eyes in the cloud temple, since he seemed to be sad staring out at the mountains. I was pretty wrong when it seemed he was looking out and staring! I guess I'm really glad he was not sad, he did seem a bit deaf and... It is probably rude of me to say but he seemed almost disturbingly happy. I went away and saw Joe, and things just got confusing. Reading back on the old entries I think it had some thing to do with what I was thinking about at that moment. It had to be about the dream, but Joe seemed like he knew about exactly what I was thinking about. I really cannot figure out what that THING was, but the more and harder I thought about it the more I felt like ending my life... I need to remember to talk to Joe more about this when I see him again. He kept telling me to stop thinking about it, but that only made me think about it more!

I digress, as an orc with a metal jaw and strange eyes came to Joe, obviously mute. His arms were frost bitten,and there seemed to be a frost bite lip mark on his neck. My first thoughts was that some of those frost witches " did things " to him. I offered to help him, and he agreed. I rubbed some frost bite powder on his arms and neck. The orc seemed a bit uneasy. At some point while I was distracted, Joe must have slipped away, and behind me I remember hearing that other man with the blue eyes talking to some one with a familiar voice. It just made me so Curious I wanted to stop healing the orc and satisfy my want! I would never do that, though. Soon after I finished healing him, it starts to rain and I hid in the cloud temple center to wait it out. In fact, I am writing in the diary right at the moment it is still raining!

I had to stop writing, there were orcs who kept bugging the one that I just healed. I really couldn't stand him to be tormented by their words and I butted in. There was a long time of arguing, I hope I was not too harsh, even though they were the same orcs who had kidnapped me. Eventually I forced the orcs away by jamming an apple on the red orc's tusk at JUST the right moment. The dark elf who stood by me and helped me defend the healed orc's honor seemed impressed, though it was really nothing. I hope that praise doesn't make me cocky..

When I went to Ildon to see how Gavin was doing, I found out that * there are crossed out names here, Arcorus, Artimus, Arotus* The former leader of ildon had been killed. He was replaced with his son, he looks almost exactly like his father, but with out that glorious mustache. I never knew he had a son in the first place.

Goroth was there, riding on his horse, I saw him just as he noticed me and I childishly climbed up a tree and pleaded him to go. It was almost creepy how he pursued me. I feel so awful when I treated him like this. He obviously still has feelings for me. I really should stay away from Ildon for a while. I think foolish thoughts of pretending to love him so he would be happy... For all my life, but I am far too selfish and he deserves better than I.

I went back to my campsite in the wild, and sat and rested for a while until nightfall came. I slipped on my hunting mask, grabbed my bow, and started into the dark forest. I set some bait in the middle of the clearing, and laid down in the brush. Waiting for a long time, I was finally relieved to see a boar that wandered into the clearing to eat the strong-smelling bait. I pulled back the bow string, and let it fly before the boar even knew what hit it. It was a nice, clean shot through the neck. The poor thing was not quite dead, so I let a heavy stomp on his head to finish it off. If Burgandis was there, that good dog would have helped me drag the boar. I was all alone, though, and I dragged the boar all that way back to the camp site. Using berries I had gathered before, I made a nice boar stew, though I needed to add a bit of grouse basil to really make that gamey taste less noticeable.

I hung the left overs up in a tree so animals will not eat it. I am pretty tired right now, I think I can finally sleep in my sleeping bag now. Good night, Diary!

Dear Diary,

Things became eventful when I came back from the wilds. I heard there was a new elven city, so I went to go and see it. The captain was very nice, but mere minutes after I had gotten off the ship, another ship had come bearing a boatload of orcs. They saw me and surrounded me, instantly I knew I was in trouble. I thought in this city I could do my herbalism in peace, I was obviously wrong.

I tries to escape, but there were too many blocking the far and I was captured by them. They licked my face and I was sure they were planning on eating me. Last night I had a nightmare where they actually DID cook me alive. The boiling water, I could just feel it's scaldingness on my skin like a thousand bites from fire ants. Luckily the orcs only blocked the main exit of the hut, and I was able to jump out the window. I keep forgetting people who would accept bribes when there is an obvious person in trouble.. The captain I thought was so nice turned out to just be evil and corrupted. Well, thinking more about it, he could have just been scared for his life. I should not judge people at first glance like that.

I was safe once I made it to the Sanctuary, once of the orcish nibblets followed me and jumped on my arm. It was really rather adorable, though doing that in front of the orcs who could not catch me in time might have seemed a bit cocky to do. I offered them some melon if they were really hungry, but they didn't want any thing but my flesh. I do not really taste good, I tried a bit a while ago.. I do not know what they find in that taste to be favorable! Maybe it is the smell of my hair that would throw them off.I stayed around the temples for a little while, and then left to take a wash in a river to get the orc slobber off of me.

I left out the herbs I gathered in the wilds out to dry while I wrote this. I really seem to be getting addicted to writing in this thing~. One day I will read my old entries and see all the strange adventures I get into. Like, just now I saw a carp jump out of the river and eat a dragon fly! I bet the dragon flies would be in more danger if those carp could fly just like the smaller fish I see in the ocean while traveling on ships some times. The just jump out of the water and glide with the wind! I wish I could fly, I think about flying a lot. Just to sail over the water and fly with the seagulls, or to soar amongst the eagles above the forests, seeing all of the tree tops. Having a pair of giant, feathery wings. Would that also mean I would have a beak?

Well, I have run out of things to write about, I think I will try drawing that sunflower. It just seems to be calling out to me, " Draw me! " such a beauty!

Below is a charcoal drawing of a sun flower along with it's root.

Dear Diary,

At Arethor I was sitting by the river bank, trying to stay calm. Not very long after, a woman was fighting Kin right behind me! Maybe they were coming after me and she was protecting me as I was oblivious. A skele-kin had make a small puncture wound in her gut. I treated her wound with little trouble. We talked for a bit, and I told her the story about the fox and the cakes. She seemed noticeably uneasy about it, but maybe it was such a morbid story. This proved to be false when she told me a story about how she and Jester? I think that was the name.. They over took a kingdom back in Aegis. She sure did not spare any of the gruesome details!

We went our separate ways and said our good byes. After some wool had been washed and dried, I headed over to the cloud temple. There it started to rain and I had to wait the rain out. I thought about more stories I could tell others! The wound on my leg was throbbing even then, from talking on it too much. I really should have rested. As I was leaving the temple, a strange, angry man came and started yelling at me. He seemed quite loony, so I acted loony with him. I did not say any thing wrong or provoking, but he still looked like he wanted more than any thing to hurt me. It still confuses me since I had never seen him prior... He spell that protects the cloud temple from harm kept him from hurting me.

A woman was kind enough to ask me if I wanted protection, but I could not risk her getting hurt! I said I would be fine. I hobbled over to an apple tree, that luckily had a few apples on it's branches. I ate them all and felt so glad with myself. I headed back to Arethor, and that man was there. The woman who offered to protect me was also still there. I could not tell to see if the man cared to hurt me or not, though he did notice me. The woman stepped in front of him, asking what he wanted. Wih out any hesitation, the man stabbed that woman in the leg with what seemed to be a machete. I hobbled over as fast as I could. All around me of did not seem like people cared there was violence happening in the city. I forced my way in between the two and stood my ground. She would not get hurt again while I was here, I would make sure of that. I was trying to get the woman to move away as he threatened me. Fortunately for us, he seemed to lose interest and leave. I used my healing skills to heal her leg up just as I did mine. I need to remind myself to grind more pain killing powder! I decided I would head to Ildon.

At Ildon I was feeling especially happy, because it was snowing. I just could not contain my childish joy and caught snowflakes on my tongue! Gavin was there, and I said hello to him as he passed, he obviously was not in the best of health. I only noticed now, looking at him that my leg was beginning to throb. I asked if he needed assistance and he said yes. I noticed more and more he was really bad off. His scarred face looked very pale, and he looked like her had trouble breathing and speaking. We got his chest plate off him and headed to his house. I was really worried for my old friend.. It reminded me back at ArmaLuna when he had a massive stab wound in his gut. It turned out he had an arrow pass through him in three spots. He was punctured in his lung, gut, and back. The wounds seemed to be treated, but maybe her moved too much and they re-opened. I used the best of what I had to heal him, unfortunately I ran out of sedative. I did the best work I could, but at the end I noticed a walking snow man enter the house and run up the stairs. When I told Gavin he didn't seem surprised as I was!

I helped him to the bed, the snow man was still there, staring at us. He had a pumpkin for a head. After some curiosity I went to pull it's head off, it was only a curiosity to see if he would live! I am a sick person, I guess. I took off the head and the rest of the snow just collapsed in a pile! It seems the pumpkin man was pulling shinanigans and barged in his house! He some how made so many of those living snowmen in Gavin's attic. He had two beds set up and seemed to require some wool from me. I had a lot to spare, and gave him as much as I could spare. I was fed up with the coldness the snow people were making. I didn't much think about any thing but Gavin getting better, and this coldness would make him sick. I brutishly punched their heads off. This made the pumpkin man seem a bit surprised, I think. I started pushing the snow out of Gavin's house, ignoring the strain on my legs. Gavin needed to get better, and pain was not going to stop me! After the first batch, pumpkin man came in to pull more Shenanigans. When I came up the stairs where the pumpkin man had gone he was bugging Gavin now. I heard him weakly say he could stay. I was glad Gavin finally got some company. Gavin and I talked a while, he kept bringing up the topic of a reward, so I kept changing the subject. He tested my back pack, and saw how heavy it was. I was really happy to have some large weigh off my shoulder, and stretched. I looked proud when he seemed impressed with my organization. It is always good to see any hard work praised!

He must have noticed the lack of any food in the pack and tried to get me to take some of his food. I changed the subject again, though the sound of food was so very appealing. Pumpkin man seemed to materialize out of no where beside me and offered me a warm chicken with herbs and spices on it. I never figured out where he got it from... After turning it down a couple times, this was hard to do because it smelled so wonderful. I grabbed the chicken from his hands and started to devour it like a dog. I remembered then that I was being watched by Gavin, so I awkwardly went downstairs. It was so embarrassing ! After the chicken and my stomach actually and gladly full, I checked my leg. It was bright red and had a line of pus dripping from it. The pain I felt in my leg was immense as I treated it. I didn't deserve the fancy thinks with painkillers, those were for the patients. Gavin must have heard me or... Worried for me? He came downstairs and saw me in the act of fixing up my leg. He demanded me to rest, and said he would not rest unless I did. I do not think I would have my leg now if I rested in another tree. I thanked him repeatedly, I should have really thanked him more for his kindness and went down to the basement where I slept for a good, long time. Gavin is very kind, I hope he is well now.

I leave now for the wilds for a while to gather some herbs and other things.

* The writing in this page is more shaky and a bit harder to read. There is a letter put in between the pages of the diary *

Dearest Rina...

I am not sure what to say in this letter. I hope you read it. You can choose to ignore the rest and deny it... or you can choose to continue reading and trust... I have hurt you. I know I have. I wish nothing of that night had happened, or that I had never encountered Matilda. It was really only you in my heart... I love you, even now, that you refuse to return and love me back... Please trust me on the fact I would never want to hurt you, I could not do such.

The day you left me... it was the last time I saw you... I haven't been joyful since. These past seeds I have had faith you would return to me... but you make it quite clear that it is the contrary. So, seeing how the fact of killing myself will not aid me find peace... I will wait a week... Then, I shall depart once again on a voyage through Asulon. I shall cross anything in my path to get to you.

My fate resides in you. I shall also have a surprise for you when, and if, I find you. Our paths must cross again~

Signed Goroth, former lord of House Klaren, now the lost wanderer.

PS: If you do find this... please send something in return...

Dear Diary,

I had to do it, I could not let him hurt himself and become mad with obsession. The things I said to him were cruel, but they needed to be said. I did think i was beginning to love him, but the this that Goroth did could not be accepted. There were many nights I thought he could be the one, but it turns out that he had two he loved. Matilda, that woman... Some day she will look back on her past and realize the horrible things she has done. I loved Goroth, I really thought I was beginning to trust him. There will probably never be a time where I can find happiness. Maybe it is true that all men are selfish (There is a drop of blood that stains the page and covers a couple words ) want women for their own pleasures.

I realize this does not valise what I have said to Goroth. At least I can hope he heals now. I got as far away from Ildon as I could, but I was not strong enough to continue at a certain point when my leg started screaming at me. When I sat down by a tree, I saw a rabbit run across the clearing. The pain I felt from the gash in my leg, I deserved it. The pain that I feel ri- * There is another drop of blood that washes away a couple more words* -for what I have done. A lot of times I think about some how acquiring a golden apple and just, wipe my mind of every thing... Let my hair fade back to black and live a whole new life, a life happier than this. Was I really only born to have no happiness? Is my only purpose to suffer while trying desperately to bring joy to others.. So they may have a better life than the one I lead.

It seems that I have run out of food again. I remember a time where it was easy for me to get food, I would have enough to share with others too! I'll be sure to pick a few apples once I recover from * There is yet another drop of blood that covers a couple words * that I put myself through. Please let this be enough to make up for the horrible things I have said to Goroth. If I never had met him, his life would have been so much better. The only thing left from that experience is shame and sickness. I think a lot of times about Rei, reminding me of the terrible things he has done. Why would he have treated me like that. The only answers I find it that it is either Rei is utterly wretched, or that I am. More of the times I think of that, the more I find myself to be the wretched one. I can actually write here that I actually was starting to love Goroth. I shouldn't let any one else know * once last drop of blood is here, covering more words * myself.

I need to treat these wounds, then I think I will sleep. Hopefully I can find more food tomorrow.

Dear Diary,

I spent a long while looking out at sea. I really need to take more breaks like that so I may actually feel calm. Maybe it would be okay if some breaks. Maybe, it would be okay to let myself feel calm. It started to rain after a while, I truly hate rain! I ran to the local Smith to take cover. I was just taking care in drying my hair with a towel. Oh, I hope I didn't use the towel I used to dry fish! That also reminds me I need to remember to wash my clothes soon along with the towels. I man came in with long dark hair and really stunning eyes! That eye color is just some thing I can appreciate. His appearance reminded me of that of a panther... Though he has hair too long for a panther. We sat down and he talked about his family. I thought it to be great to hear of some one so loyal and proud of their family.

His family was said to have reverse looks on gender, which is odd. I will always think that men and women are equal. Well.. Men can be a bit odd. I hate how they always treat me, though I should get used to it. I should already be used to he way they treat me! Ah, but that man said that women had short hair and men grew their hair long. I wish I could remember his name, or the name of his family. I am a disappointment, truly, not being able to remember names like a true idiot.

Was it Vellaro? Velanai? Fred? This is going to bug me for a while now!

I couldn't remember his name. I should not repeat what I did to myself to try to remember. I some times feel like I'm interrogating myself. I went fishing for a while, while the washed wool dried off. I skewered the fish I caught and seasoned it with a bit of grouse basil. One of he fish looked odd so I threw it away. After I ate, I went to fight with my shadow. Can shadows really hurt their owner? Do they go inside you at night? Do we act odd at a full mood because the shadow is trying to possess you? I think it is good to think about these things, they are fun to think about ~! I still wish one of my friends would send me a letter.. I doubt they will but it is nice to think about!

Well, I think the clothes are done drying, I'm going to put on my clothes and continue on.

Dear Diary,

You were born! I thought that I would start writing a diary, to help gather my thoughts, and maybe I could keep tracks of the stories I collect and look back in this diary to reflect on them. Today I spent a lot of the day making you. I crafted you from sheep skin leather. People seem to not like when I kill sheep, and maybe that will never change. All I know is that I make the world a little better by getting rid of those sheep.

That dream I had, I keep thinking back on it... I was pretty sure I had broken my leg, and some thing about undead and cocoa beans. There was also a part where I believe I was really cruel to some one. I truly hope that was only just a dream though. The idea of making some one sad is really painful. I should try harder at being kind to others, so maybe they will feel a bit of happiness in their day too! The happier I make people seems to make me happy too.

A few days prior to writing this, I came across a man who seemed to have had half his face burned off. He had glass in his eyes socket, where his eye used to be. The man's hair seemed to be almost transparent, but had bits of red in it I can only assume to be blood. I really tried my best to heal him, rubbing burn ointment on his horrible burns and.. I shudder just thinking about this... I had to take out the glass from his eye socket. Thankfully I still had some sedative powder left and gave him enough to help him pass out. When I was picking out the glass shard as best as I could, as I am not too experienced dealing with eye sockets, I was afraid for the man when his eye started to fill with blood. I went to get some water and poured some cleansing tonic in with the water to flush out his eye. Thinking back on it, I do not think I go all of the glass shards. I really hope that man is alright!

Well, I guess this is all I am going to write for now, just going to use my belt to secure myself to this tree branch and get some sleep!

Okay, we can continue being friends now. <3

On a more serious note, why do you talk in third person?

* pets her Cappykins* Panda doesn't wish to tell, but she can say it isn't mere third person.

Mac or PC :evil:

PC, though Panda's school forces her on a MAC. PC IS THE BEST!!!

Tell us more about your temptation to call your self in third person :3

Panda's temptation...? Panda isn't tempted to talk in third person..

Is your need to talk in third person due to some kind of serious brain injury? ;)

On a more serious note, were you part of any roleplaying servers before Aswein?

Nope, aswein was the first!

Shokiku made one introduction thread thus Panda must make one here with you to show you think you may not have known about her, to get to know her better.

Some music you can listen to if you want! :

( Adventure! )

( Somber beauty )

- Panda enjoys acting very much, and has won a lot of awards from her acting guild. She improved on her acting skill at an arts camp and the experience she had with being there has improved her role play and impressed the director of the current production Panda is in.

-She has been role playing and acting ever since she was ten, the first role playing was with some friends while we played some free-lance dungeons and dragons with out the board. ( Panda will never be ashamed of saying she loves DnD. )

-Panda used to be part of the minecraft role play server Aswein, and was loyal with it until it's last dying breath, then she came over to LOTC with her Aswein friends and has been with it ever since.. Even though more of her Aswein friends have left by now ( Except Samo and Z3r0st5r )

-Going on long walks in nature is one of Panda's favorite things to do. She loves listening to the wind rustling the leaves and the fresh smells all about her.

-Panda wears her pajamas every where, the only exception being with her half-sister-from-hawaii's wedding. Panda is the kind of person that hears a good song playing in the mall and just dances to it while being in her vibrantly colored pajamas. Why does she wear pajamas every where? She does so because she believes that pajamas are very comfortable, and the colors are expressive and pretty.

-Panda tries her best for her friends. She loves to cheer people up, and when ever she makes some one smile it is one of the best things to her. When some one makes a request on the art thread, she tries her very best to make it look wonderful for them. She also enjoys drawing very much, so it is perfectly okay.

-Panda does not have traditional school, she has a loose kind of online school that leaves her with a lot of free time on her hands... This leads to her being on the computer for most of her time! Panda does not like playing things like FPS. Some of her favorite video games are Bastion ( YEAH!! ), World of goo ( THAT MUSIC <3 ) Binding of isaac, and FTL ( Faster than light ). You may consider a bit of an indie gamer, huh. Nintendo is another thing Panda is a dire fan of.

-Some of the things that can get a fan girl squee out of Panda are :

Death Note ( L )

Studio Ghibli ( Miyazaki <3 )

Nintendo ( Koji Kondo and Miyamoto~ )

Pandas ( OCDIJFDDASKJK )

-Panda has been playing minecraft since February 2011. It is probably one of the most fun things Panda can ever consider doing. Is Panda addicted to these kind of things? The internet? More defiantly, good sir!

-Panda can remember almost every dream she has ever had. She uses her dreams as inspirations for her drawings and writings! Panda once had a dream where she was just playing with her Necro samurai bunny with a musket. Then she discovered it was moving, and then started to grow! Panda was scared for a while, when it turns out that he was really quite nice, and his name was Jeraldo. Panda climbs on his back when she was invited and they crashed through her window and flew into space. It was there they both shot space cows that exploded into bacon and juice boxes!

-LOTC is defiantly the new Aswein to Panda. It is a community with amazing people who are fun to talk to and play with! She only wishes she could do more to help the community, she cannot donate because of legal issues Panda got into with paypal ~

Panda will still try to do her best for this amazing server!

Any thing else needed? Ask away!

Ohio isn't boring.. It has Cedar point and a bunch of indoor water parks!

But it is very nice to know you Ever. ^_^

(( She did not even get to say her final good byes to her mother, her grave was gone in the snow... ))

(( But Panda already knows, who will tell Rina? * looks at the mystery person * PERFECT!!!

Also, thank you Tav for finally doing this... Even though I kept asking you and you never played Anastasia... This opens up so much role play opportunities and not just for Panda!! ))

(( ER.. UH...UHM... PANDA WILL... FIND SOME ONE THEN? * flail * ))

(( Panda chooses who tells Rina? Huh? ))

(( Those facts are not even right about Amalia..

NOT a virgin

NOT 21

Actually the height is exact.

NOT 110 lbs ( she eats a lot of cake )

You Stole Drae's skin... Stuff gets real.))

Oh dear waffles what? WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!

No one will ever see how romantic Rina can get ( Unless you count that one thing~ )

Panda cannot wait for the server to feel better!

THAT PICTURE. Yup. Life over, saw every thing. ( Panda loves flapjack )

See? Panda was not the only one!

Amalia's present IS a box of shoes!!! Amalia will receive the present and be Lady-lord of the shoe box!

It does not seem to have the divinity or interest that matches that of the beginning of you wearing a mask and flowing robes. Panda is sorry but, she really found the poem hard to find... Interesting. Maybe it is just her!!

Is it CAKE ?! Or maybe a box of shoes... Or a key pack even!!! Maybe a hundred more creepy wooden figures Amalia can molest?! Maybe a new cake slicer... What could it be~?

That is pretty much the role play Panda always gets with Bran. She can never stop smiling from the utter cuteness of it all~