Oh no, a satire post, please don't ban me from life, mods. I swear, I'll get the money to you by frid- *incoherent gagged screaming* Have you been wronged by someone?
Has life treated you unfairly and you now want to take it out on a poor innocent person who doesn't deserve it?
Are you a toxic idiot who just wants to see people die for ooc reasons?
Got straight up rekt because you're a noob who called pvp default but can't mineman click?
Well if there's an answer to any of these questions, today's your lucky day! For the low low price of your mortal essence, five hundred dollars, your firstborn child, and the will to live of whoever's closest to you, you can now make that happen!
Call me at 5-800-GET-GOOD to order a professional hit on anyone's characters!
If you're really just that salty, you can hire me to do the good ol' stabby stab on whoever dared wrong you! Gen's murder emporium is not responsible for any failed assassionations, post-murder pugsying, gamer rage, lack of satisfaction with our services, or dragon queens swooping out of the sky and attacking as a result of you purchasing our products