Conrad Burgundy is possessed with an alcoholic genius truly unrivaled in living memory. Unfortunately, this ability will never actually be unlocked because he cannot be bothered to be sober long enough to actually improve at his craft beyond small, baby steps that make him completely average when it comes to the creation of alcohol. He is occasionally struck over the head by his unbridled potential in the realm of liquors as if he was struck with the mallet of a raiding orc party, but these epiphanies are often short-lived because he immediately takes a celebratory drinking week. These epiphanies are therefore often not capitalized upon. When Conrad Burgundy was 18 he enlisted in the Santegia army, intending to fight in the Second Axionite Coalition war, forgetting, of course, that said war had resolved itself in 1619, seven years before he was born. As such, he spent most of his time in the army trying his hardest to avoid seeing actual combat. He thus became an expert at hiding in bushes. He also wants to go back to the “good old days’ of living on Axios, blissfully ignoring all of the natural disasters that were present throughout his lifetime. (He doesn’t really remember this anyway, since he has been living in a state of semi-permanent drunkenness since the age of 12. It really is a sort of miracle that he has lived to be 54.) He currently resides in the Kingdom of Santegia-Haria, and calls Santegia his true home. I add emphasis to the word "resides" because the life he ekes out can scarcely be called a "life." If anyone ever asks him his opinion on the current politics (unlikely, admittedly) he would say that Achilius de Savin-Horen y Esfandiyar is a crook and that King Abdessamad held the proper foresight to actually run a kingdom. If challenged on his opinions, he will bluster and boast and straw-man his way out of the argument while trying to fade away into the bushes. He was born in 1626 in the dutchy of Santegia on Axios.
Recommended Comments