JoeyWheeler

Trigger/Content Warnings Posted around on boards around the world, people may find this missive, at closer inspection the title read: For the sake of Closure [Tanoshi Himawari] -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- "If Hima-chan wants to start living, she guesses she'd have to start by spilling her guts first, yanno?" A woman clad in a yellow kimono stood, cane in hand. The woman scratched at the back of her head, her brows furrowed and her nose scrunched. Though her tone remained light, it was clear she was nervous. Sick to her stomach. "Maa, not literally or anything, yanno!? Hima-chan would prefer to keep herself mostly sort-of intact now that she's vowed to herself to live on and whatnot! Mattaku mou..."1 She laughed, flapping her hand around, in her usual joking manner, she'd sounded more carefree than ever now. As dire as this situation was to her, it was also just as necessary. A heavy sigh, dropped shoulders, and an exceedingly tired expression. Get this over with. She took a deep breath. "Mmu... I guess I was about nine years old when it happened, na? Back when I still lived at Fukukaze." ... -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- Himawari was an energetic girl with a love of stories and performances, much as it ran in her family. Creative, and cheerful, if only a little meek, she loved wandering around speaking with most who crossed her path. One day she met a kindly girl, more than a fair bit older than herself. Dark brown hair, and hazel eyes to match, she had an indescribable air to her. The older girl smiled warmly at Himawari, she sat plucking at a shamisen's strings. In her boredom, she gladly welcomed the little girl's chattering. The girl with the shamisen introduced herself as Misae Endou. "Ne, Himawari-chan, would you like to hear me play a song?" Sounded the offer. Himawari was ecstatic as she loved music, her eyes sparkled with great interest. She sat down in front of the other, remaining quiet as her role of the audience. Listening. A nice melody on a lovely day. -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- ---- "Just like that we had become ''friends'', yanno? That girl... she was so easy to talk to. I really looked up to her." ---- ... Like a baby duck, Himawari followed Misae around, mimicking her every move. She skipped along to keep up with Misae's strides. This day she introduced the little girl to her partner, Yuusaku Satoh, a boy the same age as Misae. His hair was lighter than that of his partner, as was the case of his eyes, being a striking green. He crouched down and ruffled Himawari's hair, grinning. "Yo, ojou-chan."2 Yuusaku scratched at the back of his head a bit as Himawari gave uproar in response, stomping her foot into the ground she insisted she wasn't a child anymore, and demanded not to be treated like one. Yuusaku hummed a bit, laughing as Misae did. He bowed forward, dramatically, exclaiming "Aah, hai, hai! Kanben shite kudasai, Hime-chan!"3 -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- ---- "Yuusaku-san was... omoshiroi. That boy was a natural-born comedian! There wasn't a dull moment when all three of us hung out."4 ---- "Demo, maa..."5 Himawari hid her face in her hands, balling her fingers up to press her knuckles against her eyelids. Her foot tapped against the ground, leg bouncing. She took yet another deep, shaky, breath, before sitting up straight once more. "That—" ⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘ SEVERAL MONTHS LATER THAT EVENING, HIMAWARI ROAMED OUTSIDE AS USUAL. IT HAD ALREADY BEEN A FUN DAY, BUT SHE WANTED TO PLAY MORE. DOWN BELOW HER, AWAY FROM THE ROAD, STOOD MISAE AND YUUSAKU. THE AIR WAS TENSE, YUUSAKU LOOKED AFRAID, THERE WAS A HINT OF WORRY IN HIS EXPRESSION. AN ARGUEMENT ECHOED UPHILL, DROWNED OUT BY WIND. HIMAWARI'S EYES GLISTENED WITH JOY AS SHE RECOGNIZED HER DEAR FRIENDS. SHE DASHED DOWNHILL, CALLING OUT TO THEM IN HER CHEERFUL VOICE. AWAITING THE GIRL WAS NOT A KIND GREETING, IT WAS NOT THE SAME SONG AND DANCE OF A HUG AND A TWIRL. INSTEAD, WHAT WELCOMED HIMAWARI WAS AN EERIE SILENCE. YUUSAKU'S FACE TWISTED WITH ANXIETY WHEN HE LAID EYES UPON THE LITTLE GIRL, WHO HAD SO EXCITEDLY PRANCED UP TO THEM, UNKNOWING OF THE DANGERS. WHEN MISAE TURNED HER HEAD TO MEET HIMAWARI'S EYES, SHE LOOKED EMPTY, DEVOID OF ALL KINDNESS WHICH PREVIOUSLY SHONE FROM HER. A HORRID SNARL CREEPED UP ON HER FACE, AN ANGER ONLY BEFITTING PEOPLE WHO TRULY HATED SOMEONE. WHAT GLEAMED IN THE MOONLIGHT WERE MISAE'S UNNATURALLY SHARP FANGS. THE HORROR OF HER COMPLEXION, THE AWFUL HUNGER IN HER EYES, CAUSED HIMAWARI TO FREEZE IN PLACE. AS THOUGH HER FEET HAD BEEN NAILED STUCK TO THE GROUND BELOW. A WARNING ECHOED OUT, COMING FROM YUUSAKU, TELLING HIMAWARI TO RUN. THE GIRL SNAPPED OUT OF HER TRANCE, AND OBEYED. SHE TURNED ON HER HEEL, STUMBLING OVER HER LEGS AS SHE SPRINTED. FOR A MOMENT SHE TURNED BACK, LOCKING EYES WITH MISAE AS SHE STRUGGLED AGAINST YUUSAKU, WHO PREVENTED HER FROM CHASING AFTER HIMAWARI. YUUSAKU COULD BARELY HOLD HIS OWN AGAINST THE POWER OF MISAE, WHO FLAILED ABOUT ENOUGH TO KNOCK THEM BOTH ON THE GROUND. YUUSAKU PRAYED TO THE KAMI FOR STRENGTH, WHEN MISAE LUNGED UP TO BITE HIM. HE KNEW THERE WAS NO FIGHTING BACK. WHEN HIMAWARI SAW HIS EYES DEVOID OF HOPE IN THAT INSTANT, BILE ROSE IN HER THROAT. SHE GRABBED THE LARGEST ROCK SHE COULD FIND. HIMAWARI'S MIND SPIRALLED WITH CHAOS AS SHE FOUND HERSELF RUNNING BACK TO WHERE HER FRIENDS FOUGHT. YUUSAKU'S MOUTH FELL AGAPE, HIS FACE BLANCHING IN HORROR AT THE REALIZATION THAT THE GIRL WAS FULLY INTENDING ON RESCUING HIM. HIS FIGHTING SPIRIT FLOODED BACK, ADRENALINE CLOUDING HIS MIND, AS HE GATHERED ANY STRENGTH HE COULD, TO WRESTLE MISAE, TO DISTRACT HER. HIMAWARI HAD ONCE AGAIN REACHED THE TWO. HER HEEL SLIPPED IN THE MUD AS SHE RAISED HER HANDS FAR ABOVE HER HEAD, CLUTCHING ONTO THE ROCK LIKE IT WAS HER LIFELINE. HER VISION WENT BLURRY AS SHE MADE EYE CONTACT WITH MISAE WHO LAY STRUGGLING IN THE GRASS, HIMAWARI SWUNG DOWN THE ROCK WITH ALL HER MIGHT. THE FIRST STRIKE HIT MISAE UPON THE FOREHEAD, THE GIRL'S SCREAM ECHOED THROUGH THE NIGHT. YUUSAKU LOOKED UP AT HIMAWARI, HIS EYES WELLING WITH TEARS FROM TERROR AS HER OWN DID. SHE STRUCK AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN. THE VISAGES OF HER FRIENDS BLED TOGETHER, HER MIND ONLY FOCUSED ON SURVIVAL, RESCUE. AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN. REPEATED OVER AND OVER, TWENTY-FIVE TIMES, LONG AFTER ALL MOVEMENT HAD CEASED. ⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘ Himawari stood staring off into the distance, her hands were cupping an object, though she wasn't sure what she was holding in this moment. A few cicada chirps, and a running of nearby river water comforted the girl's ears, as she stood catching her breath. There was a peace in her heart, the kind that one might have before waking in the morning, a sort of semi-conscious state. Like everyone else, Himawari had to wake up. A bob of her head, and suddenly the peace that had embraced her heart for this short moment washed over with dread, as the memories of the event that transpired slithered their way back into her mind. She glanced down at her hands, noting she still held onto the rock she had grabbed. It dripped with blood onto strands of grass and mud below her, where Misae and Yuusaku lay as shells of their former selves. Dead. A barricade in Himawari's mind prevented her from completing the pieces of this puzzle, but she stood with murder weapon in hand, there was only one conclusion to come to. She had murdered her friends. Dazed, and tired, Himawari made her way away from the dreadful scene, arms falling limp to her side, letting the rock drop to the ground. She followed the sound of running water, stopping at a river where she crouched so as to begin cleaning the blood that stained her hands. Her reflection in the water warped with the action, dying red from the blood. Himawari stood up, limbs slack, she felt weak. It had not been her intent to hide the crime, she only did what felt natural, like her mind was attempting to make sense of the situation. Find a way to rationalize it. The girl went home for she no longer had energy to play. -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- ----"...I dont really remember the days after that. I think I was sick for a while."---- the woman laughed awkwardly, rubbing her temple. Her head ached as she recounted the experience. "It didn't take long for okaa-san to realize something was wrong, yanno. Kedo I refused to say anything, so she told me to write it down at the very least. It worked! Maa... chotto dake."6 Himawari pinched her fingers together, huffing. She smiled in attempt to keep the atmosphere light, though it quickly fell the next moment. "Yanno, despite everyone telling me I wasn't alone, I was really convinced that I was." -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- "In that world, I am alone." Something that always played in her mind, as though she lived in seperate realities. A reality where Tanoshi Himawari was living a normal life, and a reality where she had committed her own greatest crime. "And then... Otou-san."7 Himawari's lips trembled as she recalled the incident leading to her father's death. "In this world, I am alone." She was convinced the world around her was an illusion, so she couldn't understand why she should take in the words of the people around her, when they didn't know what reality she was in. Now the two universes that existed in her mind, had bled together and become one. All that comfort ushered upon her, and her siblings that day of Morikaze's passing, it fell on deaf ears for a long time. A yokai, a former-yokai, and an oyashiman. This time Himawari had not been the one who held the rock. And yet, the guilt swirled around in her mind, mixing with the rage and despair of betrayal. -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- "Ano... It's given me a lot of long-term issues. I don't think that's exactly difficult to see, though. You probably figured that out yourselves, na? Back when my eyes were intact, I'd get brief hallucinations of them if I was stressed, yanno. Nightmares, mood swings, its like running on survival mode all the time. Hontou ni jamakusai yo!"8 Now that I think about it, even before I was blind, When was the last time I truly saw a face? Even my own, that I swore I'd always pass by in those horrible watery reflections. I couldn't make out any features, no lips, or eyes, or nose, just a warbled flat surface. Not that it exactly matters anymore. This really did a number on me, na? I'll try and be more careful from now on. "Mou, this really has been a stupidly long time coming. Karma got me good, yanno. Now Hima-chan has to pay the price for all the dumb decisions she made!" Still, having said that, I'm not sure this has really cleared up for me, yet. Even with all my family's kind words that beckoned me into the light once more. I think I'm still afraid. "Shikashi! Let it be known, even through all of this! To all of you in Yorumachi!"9 Even though I'm still not convinced. Even though I'm scared of what the future holds. Even though I'm tired. Let it be known that I want to live. -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- In memory of Misae-san, and Yuusaku-san and, tou-chan, Tanoshi Morikaze °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Written with help from the awesomest sister Tanoshi Kanade (@Aftrballini) Translations Afterword ⋆⭒˚.⋆ ☀︎ 𖤓 Thank you to my family, friends, and all who continue to stick by my side through all the trouble. One day Hima-chan'll make it up to you all, yanno!? 𖤓 ☀︎ ⋆⭒˚.⋆ つづく

Himawari would probably be somewhat nice to me. Shes become fairly silly so she'd most likely joke around with me a lot. She'd then get incredibly drunk, proceed to cry scream and throw up, wallow in sadness, argue with me, say something incredibly vague, and then she'd fall and bash her head directly into a table counter and die. I'd get along with her but be very, very worried about her.

A girl clad in yellow, often prone to wandering aimlessly around, had found herself reading the missive posted in front of her. Her usually silly and unserious demeanor changing to carry an air of rage, her expression distorts in anger "YARO!" a shout rings out, overlapping with a stray bolt of thunder in the distance "You will all pay duly for the harm you've brought my brother!" Himawari snarls, grinding her teeth together, before setting off frantically, to find anyone, family or friend, capable of helping.

I could look up the word devastated, copy and paste every synonym along with their synonyms and It would still not even begin to describe how sad I am right now