lukejes

Elandorr the Bard rolls over in his grave.

"Another nomination? It seems like the Dwarven population is unstable.."

"Who ya callin' unstable!" Former Grand Merchant Kwint Irongut shouts, shaking violently from all the ale he recently consumed. "Oh, I'll show ya who's unstable," he says walking over, his hands balled in fists. "I'll show ya all who's unstable!"

Kwint thinks it's pretty.

Kwint speaks:

"Ah encourage teh nominees to uphold teh motto Ah established: Nighi Dermin Oz Kraviil--Bring Greed To Death. To those corrupted by greed: Do not attempt to gain the position. Ah will not hesitate to complain about an incompetent Grand Merchant."

((The proud Urguan Anthem:

Beards, beards, beards.

Ale, ale, ale.

That's about it.

Thank you.))

Dwain is magically drawn to believe the paper.

"Guud yer learning. Remember: Good Lies = Truth, Bad Truths = Lies."

News just in.

"More strange mating rituals as all Orenians simultaneously laugh. According to the intelligence office, this was all part of a plan to attract a halfling's cheery attitude for more babies with them."

Kwint shows the news to the entire Irongut clan. "Did ya see t'is? Ah always knew it an' no one believed meh. It's written on paper, which everyone knows makes it entirely true."

Dwain is so confused.

Kwint pats Dwain on the shoulder. "Ya shall understand in guud time, me cousin. Lies are like better truths."

Kwint believes every word of it.

Kwint corrects Bardel:

"Industreh is love. BEARDS are life."

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

*High Remembrancer Aldal Ireheart hears of the news, walking up to Kwint*

 

"Kwin', 'tis a shame tehr see yeh guh. Yeh were deh bes' Gran' Merchan' ah can remember. Brathmordakin bless yehr on yeh journeh."

"T'ank ya, Aldal. Ah really appreciate it."

Kwint hands Kardel a cup of water. After Kardel takes a big swig, Kwint remembers that's where he had done his business many years ago when he had really had to go. He decides not to inform Kardel.

Kwint suddenly stands up, completely sober. "Teh better question," he says. "is whence." He then collapses on the floor again.

""ow? Wut? Why? Ah don't understan-" Kwint collapses from ale drinkage.

"Where'd 'e gu?" Kwint asks.

I, Kwint Irongut, have retired from my position as Grand Merchant. I believe an election will occur soon to find a replacement.

Sheds a single tear as kwint was the best grand merchant we had

While in a drunken stupor, Kwint begins to think about having a statue of himself erected.

"May Omar forevah be trapped in teh 'alls o' Khaz'A'Dentrumm. And may 'e forevah be self conscious about 'is abnormal eyes. T'ats why 'e 'is evil ya know. It's always teh eyes. Ever seen an evil twin wit' brown eyes? Nu. Nu ya 'aven't." Kwint passes out, done with his drunken retirement rambling.

"W'o beh Omar?"

"Onar's evil twin," Kwint explains.

Kwint feels around his beard for a few minutes. "Ah, 'ere it is." He tosses the key to Zahrer.

Kwint doesn't need fresh air, he would have drowned in ale by now.

"An' just when Ah leave mah position as Grand Merchant... Coincidence? Ah t'ink not."

Kwint is in his house with a bucket of ale, enjoying his retirement. "Guud luck!" he shouts to no one is particular.

*notices are posted around Urguan*

Citizens of Urguan,

I regret to inform you all that I, Kwint Irongut, am resigning from my position as Grand Merchant. I have served for a good many years, and I would like to go and do other things. I do hope that I have served the kingdom and the economy well. I plan to leave for a a long journey soon, to collect my thoughts and perhaps find love. Worry not, I will return. Not however, to the position. I have decided not to to appoint anyone in my place, and so an election will have to take place. I encourage Urguan to continue to support merchants and trade.

For a final time,

Nighi Dermin Oz Kraviil

Bring Greed To Death,

Former Grand Merchant Kwint Irongut

((I will be gone for almost the entire summer. I will stay just long enough to teach the new Grand Merchant the ropes. Thank you.))