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[i] A new pamphlet arrives at your door. THE WHEAT WHACKER CHRONICLES THE CHERUB OF THE WORKBENCH Any self respecting farmer knows that a workbench is essential to farming, to repair our tools, as well as to pack our crops into the appropriate bushels and bales. Dear shepherds and shepherdesses, imagine my distress when I was tilling the fields of Minitz - which have done extraordinarily well ever since I’ve taken them under my wing, proving all the farms in the Harvest Confederacy only need a bit of LOVE AND ATTENTION - ahem, excuse me. I became sidetracked. Imagine my distress when I couldn’t immediately find a workbench! How lucky was I when a flaxen haired youth approached me and showed me to a workbench I could use. Truly, when the youth understand the importance of farming, that is when we are truly blessed. To this child, whose name I do not know, I dub you the Cherub of the Workbench. You shall always have a friend in the Wheat Whacker. THE SECOND REVIEW This time I have traveled far and wide, to many a place within the Southernmost part of our world. I have been to farms near and far, and to places with no farms at all! I have traveled far and wide so you do not have to. To the farms outside the ruined city of San Luciano, the tiny patch in the Barony of Triglav, to the farms nearest Vistulia, I have traversed and farmed them all. I started my journey in the Viceroyalty of Hyspia, and whilst I am understanding of the fact that the desert dries out soil at an alarming rate, I am not sympathetic to the fact that a live chicken is living in between the stalks of wheat. The less said about the feral animal the better. Whilst San Luciano remains abandoned and in dire need of repair, the farm outside the ruined city is in good condition considering the city it used to feed. There are patches of crops that have been trampled and become unusable, but overall, it made for a good harvest due to the superb irrigation and size of the field. The Barony of Triglav came next, and while their farm was well irrigated there were a few bare patches that should concern whomever farms it. Overall, it was well-kept indeed. Vistulia was the next stop, and their farm was large indeed. Whilst the dry patches are forgivable due to the climate, the cross contamination of crops is not. Carrots, just two or three patches, in the top of the field, and dry spots galore! Surely whichever poor soul must farm that field regularly is not so careless? Erwinsburg, Erwinsburg. Their farms are superb! Well watered and expansive! Truly a great environment to grow crops. If only there were crops growing! Every field is empty and bare, even of seedlings. How sad, to see such potential go unused. The Duchy of Redclyf truly has a personal farm to be proud of. Dry patches, yes, but they only have one tilled spot that is bare of any crop whatsoever! Hurrah! As the foremost farming authority, I would recommend going no further than this duchy if you are indeed touring the farms of the world as I have. While the Grand Duchy of Balian may seem nice, there is truly no greater sin than not having a farm so that the people in your care may feed themselves. I was horrified to learn that most preferred to sit on their laurels rather than use their day to feed themselves and others. I recommend steering clear of Balian at all costs. A place without a farm is a place without kindness. SUBMITTED FARMS Whilst the village of Helious may seem… haphazard at best, their farms are an entirely different story, much to my joy. Most often farmed by my faithful companion, the Silent Sodbuster, these fields are the picture of health. With minimal dry patches and an… admittedly unorthodox irrigation system, there is no denying that it works. Perhaps the farms could look better, but there is no doubt that they produce fine crops. Do send in your farms for review. Even if they aren’t sent in, I’ll get to them eventually! All submissions should be forwarded to this address. [OOC: The Wheat Whacker#1688] The foremost farming authority,
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[i] A new pamphlet arrives at your door. THE WHEAT WHACKER CHRONICLES INTRODUCTION What, ladies and gentlemen, are the tenets for every farmer? Of course, proper irrigation, seeding, and harvesting is key to any farmer’s livelihood. Alas, it seems more and more of us are forgetting these tenets! Across Almaris, much of which I have farmed in, there are unseeded patches and dry spots in every field. Much to my horror, I can assure you. The purpose, dear shepherds and shepherdesses, of this pamphlet is to bring attention to the sorry state of our fields. But what authority have I to comment on your farming procedures? The six thousand potatoes and carrots, and the eight thousand bales of hay, all perfectly stored in my storeroom, are my qualifications, dearest farmer. And, of course, if you’ve a field nearby, I’ve farmed it. From the tiniest farm just outside Corwinsburg to the farm just outside Amathea, I have farmed far and wide. If I haven’t farmed your fields, it’s only a matter of time. I, the Wheat Whacker, will aid you in your endeavors to better your farms. THE FIRST REVIEW We shall begin, my farmers, in the Harvest Confederacy. Surely a nation named after harvesting will have immaculate fields, will they not? I’m afraid that the Confederacy will disappoint us, for while their fields certainly look impressive, they seem to value quantity over quality. At first glance, the golden fields of wheat and rich-looking vegetable patches fool most as they pass by. Poor irrigation and dry patches are apparent even in the very first fields I came across, just outside of Vienne, or whatever it’s name is now. A fluke, I said to myself, and shared a glance with my trusty companion, the Silent Sodbuster, saw us quickly harvesting all we could carry and wandering off to the next stop. The further inward we went, the more problems arose. We had run all the way to Arichsdorf, our bundles of wheat steadily growing, before we were too disheartened to continue. Bare patches riddled fields and poor lighting saw some of the seedlings not taking to even irrigated soil. Truly, a horrific sight. Dry soil was plentiful, and truly, my hopes cannot have been more crushed. While there may be hundreds upon hundreds of wheat fields, and the crop yield is impressive, it is not enough to excuse such heinous oversights. I truly hope this pamphlet, drawing attention to their problems, will prompt the farmers to correct their mistakes. Do send in your farms for review. Even if they aren’t sent in, I’ll get to them eventually! All submissions should be forwarded to this address. [OOC: The Wheat Whacker#1688] The foremost farming authority,
