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  1. Penned and issued by, the 4th Lord Mayor of Whitespire On the 20th of Godfrey's Triumph, 1956 WEALTH BEYOND MEASURE, GOOD CITIZENS OF WHITESPIRE. I am Boon, of Boon & Bane’s (as I am sure you have heard). I’d like to publish my findings after I believe TWO YEARS of my position as Lord Mayor. Just today, I held my first official, professional, masterful, and executive meeting with those that call themselves the ‘city council’. I had seen these fellows around before, but, I never introduced myself nor did they introduce THEMSELVES to me. I put this down to my SHEER PRESENCE being so imposing and my aura so WEALTHY. To start with my aforementioned and MOST IMPORTANT findings, I’d like to share with you readers a few fun facts and tid-bits of those that sat before me in the city council (because I, of course, positioned myself above them all upon the big chair). I still do not understand what this council of cities does, however, I find it quite charming they keep asking to ‘take the floor’. I think it is absurd to ask for permission to dance and that you should be able to do such whenever and wherever you like. Firstly, one of the fellows whom was named Vylandris (quite peculiar if you ask me, which you should), stated that he once tried to convince a Haeseni woman to dance with a goat! His favourite colour, quite oddly, was SKY blue. Which, I think, is just a NORMAL blue. No need to specify sky, big fella. Next we have big Franny, or Frantzisko Bishop Buron something or other important-sounding. Big fan of WINE RED, he is. Broke into a guardhouse when was just twelve! Now, this fella, after hearing this, I’d properly trust with my life. If he was jumping off a bridge, well, I might too. Might even jump off the Hand of Horen with him, but, that is a story for another day. MOST INTERESTINGLY, however, was the fellow named Henri de Lewes. He had NO FUN FACT… Up until when he did indeed produce a fun fact; that of him marrying his cousin! Blimming heck. Don’t remember a comment on a favourite colour unfortunately, but, I’d imagine it is whatever colour that his cousin likes. I’ve also been seeing some odd and downright weird happenings around the city itself, of course, with my new monocle that I acquired as to display my new-found professionality as Mayor. Namely, that FREAK from back home; Godric. Seems that Godric from the village over followed us, Boon and Bane, all the way from Hurstcombe to try and one-up us at OUR OWN TUVMAS STALLS. Terrible fellow. I will see to it that Godric is deemed a villain and his stall is flattened if he continues to harass us, so please write to me (in big letters and with simple spelling preferably) if he harasses you as well. I have also noticed a most terrible thing during my REIGN as LORD MAYOR. I have been counting the cobbles upon the Whitespire street as I have been performing my morning walks, and I have noticed that: every fourth brick is very slightly skew-whiff. Let it be known that I will personally be taking donations to fix such an impending problem. Hashtag Fix Aaun’s Infrastructure (I don’t know what this means but I was told it was trendy). Other than that, I have NOT been very impressed with the residents’ breakfast routine. Not a single person has reported to me, other than four people. If you are not careful I will be enforcing a STRICT breakfast routine of which every morning you must line up with your empty bowls in front of my upcoming soup kitchen and Bane will be keeping track of how much each one of you eat. Also, I’d like to remind Merryweather Merry Swap participants that the gift-exchange will be taking place next Saint’s day. Anybody that doesn’t like this knows where the gate is, BUT, you’ll have to be extraordinarily thin to fit through them because we sadly won’t be opening them anytime soon because of odd green fellows and turquoise-bandana-wearing folk stalking us. Cheerio and until next update. Right, Bane, put down that blimming quill now and help me tidy up after the chickens. Come on, you can stop writing now, don’t do this aga Penned and issued by, 4th Lord Mayor of Whitespire, The Bailiff of Apfelberg, Chef of Merryweather, Foreign Relations, Builder, Handyman, Investor, Non-Profit, For-Profit, Seamstress, Chutney Developer, Marmalade enthusiast, and Co-Owner of Boon & Bane's Ltd.
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