UnBaed

TW: Suicidal Thoughts

A lost Moth in rumination.

[Art by Artem Demura]

▸🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ ᖭི༏ᖫྀ ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕｡⋆｡˚ ʚïɞ ˚｡⋆｡🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ ᖭི༏ᖫྀ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕◂

If I were to sit here long enough, would the gnarled roots of this tree think of me as part of their own?

She had lost track of time for how long she sat at the base of that tree.  Two days seemed as if it would be accurate, given what shape the waxing moon bore as it hung in the sky.  It illuminated the passing clouds, wisping and windswept fingers of grey were prepping to drag in the sheets of overcast for the following day.  At least the invasive light of the sun would be smothered away for tomorrow.  Even as she rested under the cover of that tree’s boughs, the brightness of the daytime was enough to make her eyes feel strained and her nerves frayed; as if they already weren’t enough.

Though the sun was gone now, and it was night.  Darkness swathed over that old forest, its trees groaned with age; their leaves whispered of their history in a tongue long forgotten.  The old woodlands of Dobrov had seen and endured much over the years.  It was a strange thing, to enter into that familiar forest and still feel as if you entered into new territory; the land had gone through such drastic measures of change over the decades.  Perhaps she was at fault for a majority of that.

The crater left behind had filled with rainwater, wildlife had invaded the abandoned hamlet; everything was in disarray.  Yet everything was also quiet, peaceful; she was growing used to the sights of ruins.  Even feeling kin to them, through the past decades of her squatting these forgotten corners of the realm.  Despite the peace in such solitude, she could not help but feel strangled by her loneliness.  How was it that she wound up as this mere breath brushing against the echoes of her life?

She had been fueled, driven on by golden memories of that wistful youth; the countless adventures and experiences shared with her beloved–it was a chapter of life she never wished to end; a dream she wanted to grow lost in, to never wake.  It could have continued on, forevermore–steps shared toward greatness with all that mattered to her.  Yet now all she had was loneliness, she was just like the very ruins that kept the cold rains away from her; what was left of her foundations and rotting beams were naught but bitter memories and scars of betrayal.  Every sight she encountered felt only as a reminder to what could have been.  

It was never meant to be this way.

Yet was she now cursed to exist in this state eternally?  Immortality once could have been a blessing upon her, yet now it sat only as a curse; a new set of shackles.  Even forced with the fact that she was meant to tread this path alone, she was also pursued–hunted; unwelcomed by those of her own ilk.  And it had all been due to her refusal to cast away her love for an existence of shackled obedience.

She refused to consider what life would have been for herself, had she gone through with such an order, to murder her own partner as a show of loyalty to those who only looked down at her.  Such an act would have been the death of herself as well; a step to fully embrace the ferocious and parasitic essence that itched within her.  To obey such as that, for obedience’s sake, is no way to exist–even as a mortal. 

Even if she was meant to suffer in this squalor for the rest of eternity, existing as this rabid and hunted animal; she regretted nothing of that wretched night.  All that she felt remorseful over was the memory of her life lost, and how it could never be obtained again.  It was all that she could do, to cling to such memories; to never forget herself.  

Her love had always kept her grounded, yet she feared what it was she was to become without him; living as this feral thing, she already knew herself to no longer be that bright-eyed girl who chased after mysteries.  At what point would she be considered unrecognizable?  At what point it would it just be better to seek her own end?  To put an end to it all.

Death was a possible thing, surely - yet it was never permanent for those of her own kind. She was yet to even experience her own demise, and had always hoped she might never know such a pain in oblivion–yet she had lately found herself contemplating its concept and permanence.  Perhaps it wasn’t so terrible of a thing for her to fear as a mortal–what could it have been like, to drift away?  Is it always a cold and lonely thing, or is it something else entirely?

Could be it akin to a warm stranger offering to hold your hand, and guide you home in the night?  Or would it be as how she would pick up her children after they fell asleep, and carry them to bed?  Would she still hear the world, as if in another room?  She wondered what it was like for her uncle, when he was devoured; never meant to be returned to her.  Could he not have been spared any softness in his undeserved end?

Had she not been caught up in her illusions, perhaps she and her love would have learned it together as they grew old.  Such a thought caused her heart to ache, and urged her to dig her long nails into the flesh of her arms.  What was to come of her now,  and the hundreds of lonely nights to come?

▸🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ ᖭི༏ᖫྀ ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕｡⋆｡˚ ʚïɞ ˚｡⋆｡🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ ᖭི༏ᖫྀ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕◂

OOC Comment:

It’s not common for me to make posts like these anymore, I usually like to try and keep the thoughts/experiences of my characters as something seen in game - or through diary entries, when I feel like going on a writing streak.  The latter was a common trend I did with this character, with Moth’s Ruminations - something I still wish to wrap up eventually.  I had originally planned to make this comment in the posting of the final chapter of it, but I ended up deciding to write this now with a small update of how my character is doing.  I don’t want to rush her entries since there’s a lot of content to go over, or have my comments today tied to it and potentially ruin what they’re meant for.

But I’ve just got to say that… I’m immensely disappointed and sad about how I felt like I was treated during my time in the silit community.  My character is not gone yet, though over the past year I’ve lost just about any and all inspiration to try anything as her after all that’s happened with me in the silit community.  This was one of my first times in trying out a larger CA on the server, though that isn’t to say I was entirely out of touch with aspects of lore spread across the server’s narrative.

Moliana had been one of my favorite characters, and a character that I had tried my best to put a lot of thought into her story.  She’s felt like one of my most complex and in-depth characters and she had been a blast to RP as when I first obtained her–I enjoyed just about every moment as her [though that isn’t to say there were a few bumps here and there], but I found myself beginning to have a lot of roadblocks and frustrations by the time she had become a silit.

I was ignored often when it came to receiving lessons.  A friend was able to help make my character not wholly useless, but could still only do so much–in the end my character was only shown three abilities natural to a silit [one was only learned in order to help out another member in the group], and wasn’t shown anything with BM or shared anything else despite my attempts to be helpful and involved with the group.

Despite this, I did my best to carry on with my RP and held off on my plans with the silit CA until I managed to acquire the tools to help me with my plans in making a fun narrative for others to experience.  During this time, my character was manipulating the closest person to her to make him accept what she was and to try and convince him that life as an immortal with her was better than anything else; I did this due to the obsession trait a silit develops for mortals they’re close to, they end up getting increasingly worried about that person’s mortality and don’t wish for anything to happen to them.  Another trait of silit was losing care/lacking empathy for other mortals surrounding them–which grows stronger and stronger the longer that individual is a silit.  Since my character was still freshly turned, she wasn’t so severe in her shifts of demeanor - yet that change of mindset was still present as I tried to RP my character being more selfish in motives with public gestures–becoming flashy and almost becoming the equivalent to an influencer giving homeless people money so they get more views and likes.  The intention was for her to be liked and less likely under suspicion of anything foul due to her “good acts” to help me try to sneak in spookier experiences/offer avenues of RP for those that seemed interested in the vampire aesthetic–despite my lack of tools to help me on a broader scale.

Unfortunately, however, neither of these plans really had any room for development due to a major event that occurred between my character and her coven.  This was the event that made me feel entirely betrayed by those around me, and like I had received the short end of the stick for my RP.  A meeting was to be held between the coven, where they would discuss the possibility of transforming the person closest to Moliana into a siliti.  I felt nervous about the whole thing and felt worried about how the RP would have gone, and expressed that to a friend in the group–who only replied that this “has been a while coming now” which made me believe that there was already an OOC opinion on where this meeting was going to be led to.  My character was demanded to murder her husband, and surrender herself to be locked away in a coffin for fifteen years for her behavior.

I kind of just felt fed up by that point, my character was placed in a very difficult position where either option would have completely altered her story and leave her shelved over what I thought was nothing.  To keep it brief, Molia fought on the side of her partner and intended to escape with him.  He got away, though she was captured and sealed in a MArt coffin that could keep her locked in there indefinitely–instead of the 15 week cap of T3 coffins at the time.

At this point, I just sadly accepted the direction of the narrative and understood that it was a risk of a scenario that could have happened to me as I took on the CA.  Not everything will go according to plan on the server, but at least I did what I could to make her narrative interesting.  But it was some instances that occurred after this event that began to make me feel more snubbed.

• Almost immediately after my character had been locked away, another fresh siliti (who was turned with mine) began to receive full lessons of BM and silit abilities after I had been ignored for them
• When other characters tried to investigate my character going missing by breaking into the lair, PEX was unfairly used to world edit trees outside of the lairs region away to prevent others from getting inside again
• The coffin my character was sealed away in was hidden behind blocks, with no mechanical access to reach or see it–which is against server rules

Overall, I just felt… weird, to see all of this stuff occurring, and generally began to feel as if I was unwelcomed or if I had done something wrong with my RP to make me disliked.  I was eventually told that I RP’d the CA wrong with my character trying to have her partner join her as a silit (I got it confirmed by others that I didn’t do any incorrect RP); with jokes even being made about my character as “dark mage in love with holy mage” tropes despite going through incredibly heavy and persistent RP with my friend as our characters.

Even after my character ended up being rescued and sent off to live alone, I still felt as if I was just to remain as an unwelcomed outsider to the rest of the silit community.  It felt like my character was made out to be a traitorous villain to the rest of the community, with everyone just following along with that fact despite those claims coming from a character cursed in lore for devouring another silit; which is essentially the ultimate sin any silit could commit.

I had hoped six months was enough to let me try and resume my small projects to try and develop some RP for others again, but I still feel greatly unwelcomed for the RP and it’s got me wanting to give up entirely on the character.  This whole event almost made me even leave the server back in April when this all occurred.  I’m still left just feeling greatly disappointed about my experience.

I offer my thanks to HurferDurfer and ScourgeOfOrder, however, since those two did their best to give me actually enjoyable RP with the CA when they could.

[!] This text may be openly read by anyone, the author evidently went through a great deal of effort to ensure many copies were produced and shared around.

Lost souls wandering into the soulstream to be delivered to their fate

Art by Cathy Inaba

T  H  E   S  H  O  R  E

✧ ༝ ┉┉ ┉┉┉˚* ❋ ֎ ❋ *˚┉┉┉ ┉┉ ༝ ✧

[[Original concept by: Kalehart]]

 ҉   ✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼   ҉ 

Overview:

The purpose of a Shorewalker is to reduce the infectious growth of chaos and discord from spreading over both the realm of the living and the dead.  Instability leads many down a path that ends in ruin, whether it be discovered in life or in death; a soul grows entangled with the griefs found in life, wound up into a knot of trauma, hate, ignorance, or sin.  The duty of a Shorewalker is to disentangle a soul from their miseries, and guide them toward a path of redemption where they may repent and grow from their past errors.  Yet they alone cannot save a soul; for a soul cannot change if it is unwilling.  In the minds of Shorewalkers, every soul is worthy of a second chance of improvement.  Those whose souls are irredeemable and naturally wicked are to be imprisoned, so that their messy fates do not further entangle others.

The ULTIMATE GOAL of a Shorewalker is to see harmony achieved; balance maintained through the realms of mortals - primarily in The Material Realm and Ebrietaes.

The Material Realm:

Mindfulness is encouraged in life by Shorewalkers, their primary desire is to prevent widespread death and corruption of the living for such sown discord will only condemn more to the swelling sea of Ebrietaes.  Peaceful and diplomatic approaches are favored in reducing conflict, yet if a threat proves to be too great to the balance of the afterlife - a Shorewalker may be forced to decide the lesser evil between two, in order to keep the greater evil from wreaking havoc.  Decisiveness, critical thinking, and astute judgment are highly regarded.  The mercy of a Shorewalker is not to be considered a weakness to abuse.

Yet there are other threats beyond war, such as ignorance and fear produced from the unknown; and anguish of a soul, left to fester and transform into chaotic intent.  A great misunderstanding has persisted in society, which has brewed fear and contempt to the spectral dead; the souls of the passed who’ve not yet found the will to move on are mistaken for wicked creatures intended to be purged through aurum and salt.  Yet many of these familiar souls are lost in their fate, requiring guidance and deft hands to undo the knots which entrap them between the veil; to be treated with initial force is only to worsen their trauma and transform them, truly, into the monsters many often mistake spirits to initially be.

It is advised that much precaution is taken, still, when attempting to interact with phantoms and geists.  For although they possess echoes of memory and their humanity, their minds can be addled and warped in death that leaves them in confusion, fear, and even wrought with a maddening grief and trauma.  Much negativity clinging to them is usually amplified while they’re in this lost state.  If approached poorly, these fickle souls could turn dangerous and harm the ill-prepared.  It is the duty of a Shorewalker to first approach a lost soul with the intent to soothe and offer clarity; yet if it is rejected and the spirit proves to be too unwieldy, or perhaps even wicked - the soul would then be approached differently for handling.

Living or not, every soul is varying shades woven into the same tapestry.  Each one is different, either prone to more malice or mercy–hardly any situation is the same as the other.

Two Shorewalkers meeting an apparition in battle

Art by Ami Thompson

The Damned Realm of Ebrietaes:

The dead sea, a spanless ocean of forsaken souls; those deemed corrupted and imperfect in the eyes of Aeriel are condemned to this realm to exist in endless suffering.  It is a dark and wretched fate, one that many more are sentenced to than we realize.  The realm is nothing but swelling misery, anguishing souls swirling everywhere in turbulent waves.  It is the definition of festering chaos, and it is the greatest flaw of Aeriel and the Soulstream.  Although she sought to control the afterlife to maintain order and stability, seeking to be our guardian - she stands now only as a tyrant with what Ebrietaes has been transformed into.

Every soul is worthy of a chance at redemption; to repent for their sins.  To be shown love, mercy, and understanding for their mistakes–guidance to rise above these faults that we are all destined to commit.  No system is just if every crime is treated with a single, severe punishment–intended to be final.  Such a black and white sentencing is no true justice, brings no order, no balance.  You would consider your neighbor to be rather foolish, if he thinks the mess of a meal is cleaned up by merely brushing the crumbs off the table.  A problem out of sight remains a problem, wounds do not heal if they are only ignored and untended.  When matters as these are only casted aside to be forgotten, they shall eventually overflow and weaken the veil between the world of the living and the dead.

This is a prominent reason as to why many lost souls linger in The Material Realm, or find their way back into it.  The more souls that are condemned to those Wastes, the more the veil becomes strained, and those festering knots grow to be more entangled.  A responsibility lies on us, to ensure further corruption is not had within Ebrietaes; those deemed foul and wicked should not be treated with executions, but imprisonment instead–unless it is known that their souls would be sent elsewhere from Ebrietaes through pacts with deific beings or the influence of otherworldly powers that would alter their natural fates.

Although Ebrietaes is where the irredeemable truly belong, to set them on the path for that afterlife now would only empower them and transform their souls to be more monstrous spirits, contributing to the veil’s strain, and their risk to return to The Material Realm.

The Dream to be Made Real:

To walk the path of The Shore, much faith is to be had in the concept.  An ideal, held close and guarded dearly.  Although Aeriel commits a great injustice in the harsh judgment of souls, Shorewalkers do not seek to meet her with force; to risk instability in the order of the Soulstream would be a grave mistake and lead to catastrophic turmoil across the entirety of the cosmos.  There are far more cruel and chaotic beings that would seek claim to the Soulstream, should Aeriel be weakened or be usurped.

Aenguls and Daemons are named after what it is they represent and exist for; they aren’t prone to shift in views based on whims or else their own nature of existence would be put to question.  They remain firm in this belief of their existence and we accept it as fact and permit ourselves to fall in line with their ideals as if they are facts of our existence.  But they are not.  These laws placed upon us are subject to change, yet only if we find the faith and will ourselves.  The desire is for more voices to cry together, of the flawed judgment of Aeriel–to reject her beliefs on our condemnation and push for this desired change of salvation and redemption.

These higher powers of all sorts are furtive, distant - yet remain invested in our realm, spreading their beliefs through proxies so that we as descendents may follow along with their plans.  For us to turn away from Aeriel’s influence, and instead speak to spread our message together can be what begins to mend the wounds and quell the chaos of the afterlife.

A depiction of a lost soul breaking free from the dead sea to find salvation.

Art by Erin Vest

Symbols of The Shore:

 The Scallop Shell

These paw shells are a symbol of strength and hope, often worn by Shorewalkers in necklaces or other accessories to display their devotion to The Shore’s ideals.  A token of their pilgrimage to see redemption offered to all.

................................................................................................ _.---._

...........................................................................................'"".'/|\`.""'.

........................................................................................:  .' / | \ `.  :

........................................................................................'.'  /  |  \  `.'

..........................................................................................`. /   |   \ .'

..............................................................................................`-.__|__.-'

The Albatross

The symbol of the Albatross is highly regarded, for it represents a positive shift in the winds of one’s life that might free them from their stagnation and set them on the right path of good-doing.

...................................................................................................________.-----''

.............................................................................. ___.--'""___.----''

 .........................................................................-'    _.-'"

..........................................................  _ .-.__.--'    .-'

............................................... .' `  / ' __ _.-'

..............................................) '  '   )   /`-._.

............................................(.'\          )/))-)\

............................................'    >.________.--'

..........................................-'   .-'

..................................... .'    .'

..................................-'   .-'

............................ .'    .'                      

........................... /    .'

......................... .'   .'    

........................ /  ,,/ 

....................... /'''/ 

...................... / ,'' 

....................../''  

The Conch Shell

 A symbol of resilience and purity, warding one from evil influence and purifying their surroundings–as well as themselves.  The conch shell serves to remind the self of the soul’s durability and quality, that no stain upon it is permanent.

..../\

...{.-}

 ;_.-'\

{    _.}_

\.-' /  `,

\  |    /

..\ |  ,/

................\|_/ 

The Lighthouse

 The true symbol of navigation and guidance, a sign of security and hope in the light.  Shorewalker’s serve only as shepherds and aids for those around them; the only way a soul may seek redemption is through the will of itself.  Change cannot be accepted if it is not desired.

        . _  .    .__  .  .  __,--'

              (_)    ' /__\ __,--'

            '  .  ' . '| o|'

                      [IIII]`--.__

                       |  |       `--.__

                       | :|             `--.__

                       |  |                   `--.__

 ҉   ✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼   ҉ 

In the darkness of winter cold

Rest is found and growth of soul

Out of the darkness arise, unfold

Renew what was and speak stories untold

Under the snow, a seed is sown

Awake from slumber and be now known. . .

╭₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪╮

   Ilaria Des'Nox       

╰₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪₪╯