When the bandages came off after the accident, Yuliya spent hours looking at her mutilated face in the mirror. A vanity leaned against the wall across from her bed. Propped up on her pillows, Yuliya could see her reflection. Is this my face? she thought, gazing at the scarred, cycloptic thing framed in the glass. It can’t be. It can’t be. Her father used to pet her curls and tell he what a pretty child she was – how she’d break every heart in the village when she came of age. Family friends cooed over her crow-black ringlets and lush green eyes. Her smooth, milky-pale skin.
The thing in the mirror didn’t look like her at all. It was as though someone had taken a drawing of her and wadded it up, scribbled all over it with red. Her skin was creased with licks of fire. Blisters clustered like mushrooms after a rainstorm. Her lips were drawn in and dried like the teeth of a death’s head. Yuliya would fall asleep and be haunted by nightmares of her own face.
As the years passed, the shock of her ugliness began to wear off. Yet it was replaced with a growing, empty ache inside of her chest. Yuliya saw other girls of the village courting, falling in love, marrying, having children. She held onto hope at first, wondering if there might be some enlightened man who saw past her outward looks and into her soul. (Your soul, Liya, her uncle, the priest, said. He called her ‘Liya’ affectionately – for as a toddler, she’d had not the capacity to pronounce her full name. That is where true beauty lies. In your soul.) But over time, Yuliya forced herself to reckon with the facts. Men’s eyes possessed the power to view the body and the face, not the soul. No man wanted to look at her long enough to know her soul.
Cold comfort, to know that one had a beautiful soul trapped within a mutilated body. Love – the kind of love between man and wife – was not something she would be privileged to know.
A man did take her hand eventually. Not because he saw past her scars into the shining creative mind underneath. No, she would never enjoy something so romantic. He married her because of the small fortune left by her father – a fortune he quickly whittled away on booze and prostitutes while Yuliya lay crying from pain, alone, at night.
~
When Lady Helvets asked Yuliya to write an epithalamium for her wedding, Yuliya almost interpreted it as an insult. She took up the charge anyway, not wanting to deny the wish of her patroness. It was thanks to Lady Helvets’ good graces that Yuliya wasn’t rotting on the street. But no matter how she scrawled on the page, nothing came out right. Every verse about love and beauty was tinged with a tangible bitterness. An unspoken anger at having been denied what came naturally to every other woman. Perhaps that’s why my every play is a tragedy of wrecked love, Yuliya thought. That seemed as true a reason as any.
Eventually, she managed to scribble out something. A set of moralistic verses. Preachy, perhaps. Trite. But they would do. What else could one expect, when one asked the tragedian to write a wedding verse?
OOC:
Added FIVE SONNETS ON THE SUBJECT OF MARRIAGE: Lessons from an Old Wife to a Young Bride