The Tanith Vursur Diaries, Vol. 3

[Urahra 5774]

 

The Tanith Vursur Diaries, Vol. 3 

1780 IST. to 1789 IST.

 

Entry 67 –
1780 IST.

 

Spoiler

I can’t believe I’m alive to write this. The Northern Geographic Society mounted an excursion through a portal into the Nether - the realm of Iblees himself - and we survived. My clothes are scorched. I’m covered in burns. Icroth is rubbing salve on my back as I’m writing this. But despite everything, I made it out and I’m alive. Thank God I’m alive.

The last few days have been a flurry of preparations. Sir Wittenbach put the finishing touches on several inventions that might prove useful in the Nether. One was a diving helmet attached to a length of hose pipe. Our research indicated that the air in the Nether was not breathable, so we needed some means to provide us with oxygen. Sir Wittenbach devised a most usable solution! The second invention was a grappling hook crossbow, able to help us traverse large gaps should they appear. He is an amazing inventor, Sir Wittenbach, and I see why he is Celestine’s right-hand man!

For my part, I bought several salves and poultices for the inevitable burns we would surely receive in that fiery realm. I ran into Friar Boniface a short time ago and asked his blessing for our expedition as well. A little help from on high couldn’t hurt us! The Friar graciously loaned me a wooden Lorraine cross which he claimed would protect me against any demonic foes. He promised to keep me in his prayers.

Celestine also gave me a wonderful gift - a beautiful magic wand for channeling my water evocation! It’s carved from acacia wood and has a cerulean blue gem implanted at its center. Celestine told me that the wand would augment and strengthen my magic.

This morning, we gathered our supplies and met up at the Reza museum. I wore my adventuring garb, complete with pith helmet, and carried a little rucksack on my shoulders. Inside my rucksack, I packed everything I thought we might need - extra food, canteens of water, first aid supplies, potions, changes of clothes, a compass, a watch, my aurum knife, etcetera. We stuffed both my pack and Icroth’s satchel bag full to bursting. At the museum, Sir Wittenbach handed out a grappling hook to each of us - as well as additional water. Between our inventions, our potions, our weapons, and our enchantments, I thought for certain that we would be well-equipped to handle anything the Nether threw our way.

We were not.

The Nether is so much scarier than I ever imagined it would be.

Our exploration party consisted of myself, Icroth, Celestine, Chirr, Otto Wittenbach, Karl Amador, Lauritz Christiansen, a young air evocationist named Jihane, and an elderly woman whose name now escapes me. (I don’t think we had a chance to properly introduce ourselves.)

Celestine briefed us on the mission at the museum. “Right, everyone,” she said, her voice low and full of gravity. “Where we are heading is nowhere on the map. The Nether is an unforgiving realm. Our primary goal is to collect scientific samples and conduct academic research, with the purpose of publishing a joint report upon our return. I, Lauritz, and Otto shall serve as the expeditionary leaders. If we tell you to do something, you do it or else you very well might die. And we don’t want that now, do we?”

“I don’t intend to end my streak here,” I quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

“Dying in Hell… not my preferred way to go,” Karl Amador (who was wearing some very daring shorts) added.

“Means you don’t have to take the extra trip there after God counts your sins, Karl,” Sir Christiansen joked.

“In any case, our mission today is to locate a pocket of breathable air where we can set up camp,” Celestine went on to explain. “My hope is to establish a base from which we might operate for the next month or two. Now, I want you all to know – we’re not heroes or demon slayers. Do not engage any nether-beasts without my direct approval or unless you are doing so in self-defense. At the first sign of trouble, I want us to retreat back through the portal. Don’t fight unless absolutely necessary. But if it comes to that, I want everyone to make sure they are properly armed with aurum.”

I patted the little dagger holstered to my thigh next to my new magic wand. “All prepared,” I said, and Celestine flashed me a smile.

“One final thing,” our expedition leader said, her cheerful expression fading away. “I know some of you are already aware, but… to get to the Nether, we must drown ourselves in a lake. Don’t be frightened! You will not die and it will have no adverse effects on your body. You’ll wake up completely unharmed in the realm beyond. Lauritz, Otto, and I have all done it before. It’s perfectly safe… or as safe as going through a portal to Hell can be. Everyone just be wise, be careful, be brave – and with hope, we’ll find something that can put a stop to everything happening here on Arcas. Let’s go!”

We departed shortly after Celestine finished her speech. Our company headed northward past Reza and hiked into the mountains. As we drew closer to our destination, I suddenly realized where exactly we were going. “Icroth!” I whispered to him as we ascended a snowy path through the peaks. “We’re heading to Luxem, aren’t we?”

“I think we are,” Icroth replied.

And wouldn’t you know it? We were exactly right! The portal that Celestine, Sir Christiansen, and Sir Wittenbach had been investigating… was the very portal above the lake at Luxem! The one that Jack and his Paladins had been monitoring for years now! I could hardly believe the coincidence! But looking back, it’s a little obvious… After all, how many Nether portals could there be in Arcas?

None of the paladins were there to greet us. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought Luxem was some old, abandoned war camp forgotten by the ages. Icroth told me that Jack and the Paladins of Xan tend to be idiosyncratic – hardly ever unified, often pursuing their own aims. I suppose that holds true for Icroth as well since he’s usually exploring with me and the rest of the NGS rather than fighting in the name of Xan.

We approached the shores of the lake. The stone portal hung weightlessly above the still waters. “Otto, Lauritz, and I have already opened the portal for ourselves,” Celestine said, looking at the empty archway. “So we can pass through it without needing to repeat the sacrifice. You just have to trust us that this is how it works. Is there a brave volunteer willing to go first?”

I peeked over at Icroth and then raised my hand. “I’ll go first,” I said.

“We’ll go together,” Icroth said, slipping an arm around my waist. “Tanith and me.”

Celestine bobbed her head in assent. “Then go right ahead. Hop over the stepping stones to the deepest part of the lake and dive in.”

“What should we do?” I asked. “Just jump in and… try not to hold our breath?”

“The water will shock you so badly, you can’t even hope to keep the air in,” Celestine replied. “You couldn’t hold it even if you tried. Just jump in and the water will do the rest. I’ll head through the portal and meet you all on the other side.”

Icroth and I exchanged glances once more. A prickle of nervousness crept across my skin. My arms were covered in goosebumps that had nothing to do with the cold. “Well,” I said, trying to remain cheerful. “Let’s give it a go then, shall we, dear? If we die, it’ll be a lover’s suicide. They’ll write ballads about us.” Somehow, my dark joke didn’t do much to relieve the tension. Icroth took me by the hand and we hopped across the floating stepping-stones toward the portal.

The dark chasm of the lake yawned beneath us. All around, we heard the caws of ravens. A flock of black birds had come to roost among the ruins. Looking down into the water, I suddenly felt sick with fear. Was I really about to jump straight into my doom?

 

Icroth squeezed my hand reassuringly, but it didn’t do much to help. “I… sort of wish I hadn’t volunteered to go first,” I murmured, only loud enough for Icroth to hear.

Icroth took a deep breath and exhaled. “May God and Xan watch over us!” he proclaimed to the empty air before letting go of my hand and leaping into the water.

(I can’t believe he did that! I thought we would jump together! I’m going to give him an earful for that later!)

Seeing him plunge into the water, I couldn’t hesitate any longer. I hopped off the stepping stones. The lake rose up suddenly to meet me and – before I knew it – I was sinking to the bottom of an icy abyss. The bitter cold seized hold of me immediately, turning my limbs heavy and numb. I looked up to see the glitter of the pale, northern sun fading away on the surface of the lake.

The experience of drowning… I can hardly describe it. Words can’t capture the raw, unfiltered terror that took hold of me. Water pressed me on all sides, forcing what little air I had in my lungs out through my mouth. A cloud of bubbles surrounded me on all sides. My hair floated in the dark water - but it felt less like a part of me and more like a tangle of choking weeds wrapped around my face and neck. I couldn’t breathe.

Every time I tried to take a lungful of air, more water rushed in. My fingers clawed at my throat. Every part of me screamed to swim back to the surface. But even if I wanted to swim, I couldn’t. The water was so cold, it rendered me paralyzed.

The world around me grew darker, darker, yet darker. In what I feared might be my final moments, I reached out for Icroth’s hand.

And then we died.

I, Tanith of the Westerlands, died in that lake.

My life left my body. For a brief, strange moment, I saw myself from above. It was as though I had become one of the ravens circling over the lake. I looked down… and there was my own drowned body floating on the surface. Pale, lifeless, bobbing like a cork upon the waters. Tangles of wet hair lay across my face and my own motionless, doll-like eyes gazed at me from below.

Then I woke up.

Icroth and I suddenly appeared in a library full of dusty books. Red brick walls surrounded us and - at our backs - was a swirling, purple portal outlined in obsidian stone. Celestine sat with her feet propped up on a nearby desk. “Tanith, Icroth!” she said cheerily, giving us a salute. “How good of you to join me! Welcome to the Nether library!”

I gulped down air as if it were the most precious food I’d ever tasted. “We’re alive!” I exclaimed, hugging Icroth. “Oh, thank God!”

“Seems like we made it,” Icroth said, glancing toward one of the library’s large windows. Hand in hand, we made our way over and peered through the glass. Beyond the window lay a red hellscape of fire and lava. Red mists swirled through the air and strange shapes moved beyond the fog. A massive, molten lake lit the interiors of a cave so large and so deep, not even the light from the lava could touch the top of it.

“What is this place?” I said, looking around the library with curiosity.

“One of the few safe places we’ll find in the Nether,” Celestine explained. A second portal awaited on the other side of the library - one that would presumably take us out into the Nether itself. The place we stood appeared to be some sort of holding space or airlock. A spot where we might safely transition from our world into the red realm. “It’s a hub of sorts left behind by previous explorers. A lifetime’s worth of knowledge on how to survive in the Nether. Thank God because we’ll need it. All of our information on this realm comes from here. I’d recommend you acquaint yourselves with some of the documents while we wait for the others.”

That’s just what we did. I still felt shaken by the experience of having died, but looking through the old books and papers calmed me somewhat. Even if those books and papers contained nothing but warnings about how dangerous the Nether could be. The missives left behind by our mysterious benefactors warned about a lack of breathable air, the stifling heat, the need to hydrate constantly, among many more exotic dangers. The writer described beasts called Ghasts, Blazes, Magma slugs, and Darkshrouds. He advised trying to slay the Magma slugs, as their cream could be used as a fire-retardant once it cooled.

The most frightening of these pamphlets told of the Elder Undead, however. The author said that the Elder Undead could sense humans in their realm - and that they would pursue us unless we disguised our presence with a flower called a Mloop.

In the corner of the room, we found several pale, dusty spheres the size of our heads. “These must be the oxygen orbs that the author described,” I surmised. One of the pamphlets said that oxygen orbs were necessary to proceed through the Nether. They weren’t an infinite supply of air, but they could be refilled at air pockets throughout the Nether. There were enough oxygen orbs for our entire party and then some. Poor Sir Wittenbach. He spent all that time devising a diving helmet for nothing. I used my water magic to dust off the orbs and give them a good polish.

One by one, the other members of our group began to appear through the portal. “That was… unpleasant…” Chirr commented as she coughed and thumped her chest.

“My apologies for the delay,” Karl mentioned.

“Tanith and Icroth floated in the water for a long time. Half of us were convinced we’d just seen our friends commit suicide!”

“We’re fine now, thank goodness!” I replied. I ran a hand over my body. “At least I think so.”

“Well, now that we’re all here,” Celestine said, picking up one of the oxygen orbs. “Who would like to head outside and test one of these things?”

Jihane, the party’s other mage, lifted her hand. “I’ll go,” she said. “But only if you come with me, Cellie.” (I believe the two of them are related somehow; they seemed very close and familiar.)

Celestine popped one of the oxygen orbs over her head and grinned. “How do I look?” she asked me. The orb magnified her face and made it look stretched and distorted - as though peering at her through a peephole in a door. “I bet these will be all the rage in Helena.”

“Better than the wigs at least,” Icroth teased and I giggled.

“Don’t play with them too much,” Chirr said from across the room. “The pamphlet here says they only last an hour before they need to be refilled. We want to get as much time out of them as possible.”

“All right, so we’ll take a rope with us.” Celestine reached into her pack and pulled out a length of hempen rope. “We’ll go outside and give the Oxygen Orbs a test. If we pull on the rope after ten seconds, it’s safe to come out. If we don’t, then you need to send someone through to rescue us.” She handed one end of the rope to Sir Wittenbach.

Jihane popped her Oxygen Orb on over her head. Hand in hand, Celestine and Jihane stepped through the portal that would take them out of the safety of the library and into the raw Nether itself.

We watched the portal for what felt like an eternity. It was the longest ten seconds of my life. Karl Amador began slowly counting down from ten. Right as we reached one, though, the rope pulled taut. “Zhat is zhe signal!” Sir Wittenbach exclaimed. “All gut! Everyone, get zhose orbs on your heads! I vill check if zhey are secure, zhen through zhe portal you go!”

With that, we all fitted the oxygen orbs over our heads. Sir Wittenbach checked each one, then motioned us through the portal. One by one, we plunged into the Nether.

Dear Lord. It was so hot. That was the first thing I felt upon stepping out of the library airlock. The heat slammed against me like a brick wall. Sweat soaked my clothes immediately. The heat was incomparable to anything I had ever experienced. It was hotter than the deserts of Krugmar. It was hotter than the jungle islands to the south. I felt as though I’d stepped into an oven. From the freezing waters of the lake to the stifling, unbearable heat of the Nether. The ground itself seemed to radiate with heat. It sizzled through the soles of our shoes and we were forced to hop from foot to foot so our toes didn’t burn.

Worst of all, though, perhaps, was the persistent headache that suddenly formed behind our temples. A throbbing, pulsing pain invaded our thoughts - one that seemed to steadily worsen the longer we spent in the Nether.

But thanks to the orbs, we could breathe. They must have been enchanted because they weren’t connected to anything. Even so, the air felt thin and we knew they couldn’t last forever. “We need to find an air pocket and fast!” Celestine shouted, her voice rendered funny and hollow by the orb on her head. “On me and weapons at the ready! But try not to startle anything! Don’t get murder-happy now!” She looked at me and Jihane. “Tanith, Jihane, as our two mages, I want you flanking me at the front. We don’t know what we’re going to find out there, so be ready to cast at a moment’s notice!”

I nodded and drew my wand from its holster. With that, we advanced into unknown territory.

Allow me to take a moment to describe the sights of the Nether. At first, it appears to be a barren, scarlet wasteland covered in lava.

Unnatural rock formations loom in the dark, blood-colored mists and smoke. Fires flare brightly in the murk, penetrating the gloom with their flicker. Streams of lava pour from unknown sources, pooling in massive lakes the size of an ocean or bigger. The ground is searing to the touch, like trying to walk across the cast-iron skillet. But yet, there is life even in this hostile place. Fungi grow to massive proportions in the meaty, red dirt. The smallest mushrooms are the size we would expect on Arcas - but the larger examples grow to the size of a dog, a horse, a church steeple! Some of the mushrooms left off plumes of smoke, as if they were burning inside, but didn’t seem reduced by their internal fire. We didn’t have a great opportunity to collect samples, as our time was limited. But on our next trip, we must be sure to gather as many examples as possible.

Perhaps the strangest thing, though, is the presence of structures in the Nether. Partially collapsed brick roads and highways that span the lava lakes. These ruins proved to be the most useful as we tried to pick our way across the accursed landscape.

Our first major obstacle came in the form of a collapsed bridge, partially drowned in lava. We made it across safely just by watching our step, but the rest of the challenges wouldn’t prove so easy. Even after only a few minutes in the Nether, we had begun to dehydrate. We stopped among a grove of bizarre trees with red and blue veins pulsing in their bark. The trees bore balloon-like fruits that drifted and swayed on the currents of heat. Our oxygen orbs had a small latch through which we could eat food or drink water. “It looks safe here. Everyone, take a moment and drink up!” Celestine said, reaching for her canteen.

I uncorked my canteen and poured water through the latch in my helmet… only to discover that the water was scalding hot! I let out a little shriek as it scorched my tongue. “Don’t drink yet, everyone!” I channeled a blast of ice magic from the void to cool off everyone’s canteens. With that, we were able to drink safely.

Meanwhile, Chirr had climbed one of the trees to pluck the balloon fruit so we could bring it back as a sample. But the fruit burst in her hand as she tried to grasp it. It let out a shower of strange-smelling gas that coated Chirr’s clothes. “Eugh! Well, it looks like we’re not taking any of these home,” Chirr sighed. Rehydrated, we pushed forward out of the grove.

We crossed a bridge over which several balloon-trees grew. As we walked, the fruits dropped from their branches and popped around us, dousing our clothes with powdery gas. Disgusting, perhaps, but seemingly harmless… Celestine grumbled. “I didn’t think I would need my parasol here in the Nether! Seems we’ll need to do laundry after we establish a base camp.”

On the other side of the bridge, we found the road had collapsed once more - covered by a waterfall of lava with no real way to get across. “Tanith, do you think you could use your magic to cool the lava and make a bridge?” Celestine asked me.

“I can certainly try,” I replied. “Just let me get down there.” I descended the hill toward the collapsed section of road, drawing closer to the shore of lava.

Out of nowhere, I burst into flames. The gas from the balloon-fruits turned out to be flammable. Fire enveloped me faster than I could put it out. Flames licked my clothes, my hair, my skin, my flesh. For the second time that day, I saw my life flash before my eyes. I screamed and, in a panic, threw myself on the ground to try and smother the flames. A blast of scalding water hit me as Celestine and Icroth dumped a barrel of water over my head. The water put out the fire, but probably did nothing to help my burns. I sobbed in horrible pain, my entire body shaking, as Icroth reached down to help me to my feet.

The burns were, thankfully, not too severe. Celestine and Icroth managed to put me out before the fire could hurt me too badly. In fact, it seemed the water had hurt me worse than the fire - but even still, the scalding was only surface level. Celestine slathered me with burn salve. “I’ll treat you properly once we find the air pocket, but we can’t waste time,” she said. “I’m so sorry to ask you, but we need your magic. Can you cast?”

I was crying so hard that the tears fogged up my oxygen orb. But, truth be told, it was far from the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. Taking just a moment to calm myself, I lifted my wand and pulled the energies of the void into our realm - causing them to take shape as a burst of water and ice. The ice cooled the lava into stone - albeit only briefly - and allowed us to safely cross the ruined road. Before we crossed, I made sure to soak everyone’s clothes in order to get the gas off of them. Luckily, no one else ignited into flames.

We found our way onto a floating plateau. The path diverged into two directions. Celestine whipped out her telescope and tried to peer through the dense smoke and fog. “There!” she exclaimed, pointing to a far distant shore across the lava. “I think I see air bubbles! We’ve almost made it! Let’s rehydrate and see if we can get across!” I called upon my ice magic and chilled everyone’s canteens a second time so we could drink safely.

Sir Wittenbach whipped out his grappling hook and aimed it at a rocky outcropping on the far shore across the lava lake. I had my doubts about him hitting his target through the darkness, smoke, and fog – but he did it! He struck the target perfectly. We tied off the rope to create a zipline

down to the shore. “Let’s have one of our more agile members rappel down and investigate those bubbles,” Celestine said. She looked to the elven members of our party. “Icroth, Chirr?”

“I’ll do it,” Icroth said.

Celestine beamed. “Hold on a little longer, Tanith. We’ll be safe soon and I can fix up your burns.”

“We have about half an hour of oxygen left by my count,” Sir Wittenbach warned. “If zhis is unsuccessful, ve must double back.”

Between the dehydration, the lack of oxygen, and the throbbing headache, our journey had become especially taxing. I relished the thought of returning to the safe library, but I knew we had to push forward at least for now. We all watched as Icroth shimmied across the rope down to the shore of the lava lake below.

Celestine monitored him through her spyglass as he drew closer to the air bubbles in the distance. 

“Wait…” Celestine said, focusing her telescope on the ‘bubbles’. “ICROTH! GET BACK HERE NOW! THOSE AREN’T BUBBLES! THEY’RE EYES!”

Icroth stopped dead in his tracks. He groaned, doubling over and clutching his head. The eyes swiveled in his direction, staring him down. We had encountered some massive Nether beast half-buried in the rock. I screamed, fearing that I was about to see my fiance be consumed alive. But Icroth managed to stagger back to the rope and - despite the pain - climb his way up. The eyes remained fixed on him the entire time, but the beast - whatever it was - didn’t pursue him. Thank God.

“I’m such an idiot!” Celestine exclaimed as she pulled Icroth back up to our spot on the floating plateau. “I should have looked more closely before I sent you down there!”

“It’s fine,” Icroth insisted. “I’m fine. Let’s get away from here.”

“Ve haff to head back,” Sir Wittenbach said. “If ve press on recklessly vith such little air left, ve vill surely get stuck and suffocate!”

Celestine looked to the group. “I’ll put it to a vote. We’re not doing anything until we’re all in agreement,” she said. “Do we press on and try to find an air pocket? Or do we head back and try again another day?” All of a sudden, she began swaying on her feet, looking faint. “This headache…”

The headache had grown persistently worse with every moment we spent in the Nether. We had managed to keep moving in spite of the pain, but it grew worse with each breath and beat of our hearts. All of us were dehydrated and in terrible pain. We agreed easily - there was no way we could keep going in our state.

I tried to summon ice to chill our canteens, but connecting to the void had become a nigh insurmountable struggle. My burns stung and my head throbbed. On the second or third try, though, I managed to conjure up some ice so we could drink. Rehydrated, we doubled back to the library. Time was pressing on us as we finally arrived at the portal - but we made it with ten minutes of oxygen left to spare.

All eight of us collapsed on the ground as we made it back to the library. We pulled the sweat-filled Oxygen Orbs off our head and relished in the breathable air. I can’t describe how utterly, blissfully, ecstatically happy I was to feel the cool air on my skin once more. Our headaches faded the moment we passed through the portal. For several seconds, our adventuring party did nothing but lie there among the books. Silent and grateful to be alive. The constant casting - washing the gas from the balloon fruits off of us, creating a bridge to cross the lava, keeping our canteens cool - had left me more exhausted than I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I wanted to stay right there on that floor and sleep for a thousand years.

“I’m so sorry, everyone,” Celestine said after a while, breaking the silence. “This was reckless and foolish. Tanith got hurt and… I nearly sent Icroth into the jaws of some monstrous beast.”

“Don’t say that,” I said, managing to sit up in spite of my pain. “We did good!”

“It was a tremendous success, Miss Celestine,” Icroth added, wiping the dripping sweat from his brow.

“Nozhing went terribly wrong!” Otto insisted, crawling over to Celestine and taking her hand in his. “Look at vhat ve accomplished! We pushed new frontiers! Saw und learned zo much!”

“Ja! No one died! No one vas seriously injured!” Otto added.

“A little crisp, maybe, but I’ll recover,” I joked.

Our words brought a smile to Celestine’s face.

“Icroth,” she said, “for your actions, I’m nominating you to the Circle of the Northern Geographic Society at our next meeting. And… everyone else, well done. I won’t make you lot come back with me if you don’t want to, but… if you wish to press on, to find an air supply and a way to ease the headaches, then let’s do it.”

“I’m not backing out now! There’s no way you’re getting through this place without a water evocationist!” I said, curling my hands into fists.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” Icroth chuckled. “I’m here to stay.”

“Ve know a lot more now. I vill tinker on zomezhing zhat may help. Extend our time by a few minutes…” Otto said.

“I might know a way to keep us cool and stave off the headaches. We’ll try it. I’ve got my connections,” Chirr murmured with a nod. “You know I’m with you til the end.”

“Ditto to what they said,” Jihane interjected. “My air evocation should be useful too.”

Celestine beamed a tired smile. “Then let’s make plans to head back. I’d like to make a trip in the interim to try and harvest some of the resources here. Take samples that we can experiment with, see if they could be useful.” She glanced over the group. “Any volunteers?”

“I think you’ll find we all volunteer,” Icroth laughed.

“The books mentioned a fortress, a desert of quicksand and lightning, and a place of blood and flesh,” Chirr said. “Plenty of things to look forward to that we haven’t seen yet.”

“That’s a good way of looking at it,” I said. “Things to look forward to…”

“For now, let’s head back home,” Celestine said, rising to her feet at last. “Good work, everyone. I’m proud of each and every one of you!”

We all staggered to our feet and made our way to the portal. When we stepped through the shroud and appeared at Luxem once more, I was overcome with a rush of ecstasy. We survived. We went through Hell and came out singing. A little worse for wear, perhaps, but we succeeded. And we would keep succeeding.

Icroth and I returned to Helena, where we fell into bed and just lay there for a long time. We went straight to sleep and slept for what felt like days. We’re awake now and he’s rubbing burn salve on my injuries. I’m so happy to be here, to be alive, to have my friends in the NGS, to have Icroth. And I know next time we go into the Nether, we’ll do even better and make it even further.

Entry 68 –
1780 IST.
 

Spoiler

My burns are starting to get better. Thank goodness for that – I look like a mummy wrapped up in all these bandages. I’m desperate to have them come off. They’re so itchy! Icroth has been taking good care of me, though. He changes my wrappings, applies my medicines, and brings plenty of water to my bedside. Not to mention he’s taken over all of our chores and errands while I’m injured. Icroth isn’t the most romantic man in the world, perhaps, but I know he loves me. He doesn’t need to write songs and shower me with presents to prove that he cares.

Since my burns are healing now, I’ve started to think about wedding planning. There’s one major question that hangs in the air – what kind of wedding will it be? We’re elves. Would it be strange if we had a traditional Canonist wedding? What alternatives are there? I suppose we could go down to Siramenor and inquire on a Wild Faith wedding… but would such a union be recognized in Oren? I wonder how the elves of The Pale do their weddings. Lanqui indicated that the Pale has different beliefs – as did Father Griffith. Maybe that’s something I could look into as well.

We also need to start thinking about the sort of celebration we want. Icroth is a simple man by nature - very plain and humble. For him, the ideal wedding would likely just include him, me, and a priest - simple as that. No fuss, no bother. But, oh… I do so love the big white ceremony with all its pomp, finery, and flowers. It would be so grand to see Icroth all dressed up for once! I love Icroth with all my heart, but he slums around in a battered, old leather cuirass and a ratty, moth-eaten cape. He looks like he spends the majority of his time living out in the woods. I can’t help but imagine how handsome he would look in a proper coat and hat. Maybe I could convince him to give it a try…

I’ve been feeling much improved lately, so I decided to get out of the house and do some errands today. I made my way up to the cathedral to ask about wedding preparations. I arrived in the middle of a sermon. One Father Noel was preaching about the Scroll of Gospel, relaying its story to the masses. After the sermon, I raised a hand and called him over. “Father, might I have a word?”

He beamed and hurried over to me. I liked him. He radiated a peaceful sort of energy. “How may I help you, my child?”

“Well,” I explained, fiddling with the bandages on my hands. “I’ve recently gotten engaged and I’m thinking it might be nice to get married here in a church like this one.”

“Oh, happy day!” The Father exclaimed. “May God watch over this couple in love!”

“But the thing is, Father,” I murmured, feeling a little shy. “I don’t believe I’ve been baptized. And I doubt my future husband has either. How do baptisms work in the Church of the Canon? Pardon me if I’m a little unfamiliar… I didn’t grow up with the Canon, you see.”

“Why, of course, you must cleanse yourself of sin before your wedding,” he said with a firm nod. “We would be glad to anoint you and your fiancé as members of the church. We need but set an appointment. First I would counsel you and your fiance on accepting the greatness of the Lord into your hearts, then there is a full-body submersion underwater.”

“Let me speak to my fiancé and see if I can get him on board,” I said, bobbing my head along with his explanation. “I haven’t told him I’m looking at a Canonist wedding yet. He can be a little… mistrustful of valah, you see.”

Father Noel lifted an eyebrow. “Oh, he’s a Mali too?”

I laughed incredulously. I didn’t mean to be rude – it simply slipped out. “What else would he be?” I asked. “Doesn’t the church consider it sinful to mix the races?”

“God loves us all equally, no matter if you are human, elf, dwarf, or orc,” the Father replied, which surprised me greatly. I remember poor Edward Napier agonizing over finding a priest to marry him to his orc wife. He fretted about how illegal such a union would be – and feared that he might never find a member of the clergy to consecrate the marriage. Yet Father Noel didn’t seem concerned at all that I might be marrying a human. We talked a bit more about the baptismal process, but soon parted ways. I gave my thanks to the Father and started off back home.

Something rather fearful happened to me on the walk back, though! A bizarre couple - a man and a woman - suddenly surrounded me. They boxed me in on either side and pressed close to me, so close that I could feel and smell their breath. “Hallo, ma’am,” the man said in a raspy whisper. He had a strong Waldenian accent. “Do you haff un moment to talk about Gott?”

I tried to step away from the man – but for every step I stumbled backward, he advanced one toward me. “You’re standing a bit close,” I complained, putting my hands up to try and get some distance between us. His breath stank of garlic and beer.

The woman (his wife?) was likewise drenched in strong perfume that made me dizzy with its stench. “Don’t run away,” the woman said, her accent just as thick as her husband’s. “Ve just vant to talk about Gott.”

“Please step back!” I requested, but they wouldn’t listen to me. They kept pressing themselves closer and closer until their faces filled my field of vision.

The man suddenly grabbed hold of my wrist and began squeezing. “I haff un knife,” he warned. “Do not move or I’ll stab you. Listen closely und come vith us.”

I realized at once what was happening. These two louts were trying to rob me! My face grew hot with anger. With a swift jerk, I yanked my arm out of the man’s grip. Did he really think he could intimidate me with his puny knife? After I had quite literally been through Hell and back?

“HELP!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “I’M BEING ROBBED! THIS MAN SAID HE’D STAB ME! HELP! GET AWAY FROM ME!”

The two thieves clearly hadn’t expected me to shout. They scattered immediately, running as fast as they could for safety. A crowd of onlookers and ISA officers gathered around me, drawn by my screaming. A few people recognized the couple as they fled the scene. Apparently, they’ve been harassing the citizens of Helena quite a lot lately. They dragged an unfortunate man into a back alley and threatened him with a sword. Their modus operandi is to lure people into dark, quiet places where they can rob them with impunity. Lucky for me, I am a bit too savvy for that. I’m over five-hundred years old, after all. You don’t get to this age by being naive.

When I returned to the museum after my scary encounter, I was surprised to find a guest perusing the artifacts. A strange-looking woman, she appeared to be a wood elf – but with four large, curved horns sprouting from her blonde hair.

“Hello,” she said, turning to me as I entered the museum. “Are you the curator here?”

“I am, hello!” I offered her my hand for a shake. She looked familiar. I recognized her from our NGS trip to Haelun’or a few weeks ago. She’d been standing the square with a dark-haired elf man. Even though we didn’t exchange words, it was hard not to notice such a distinctive looking person among the rather homogenous crowd of High Elves. “I think I saw you a few weeks ago in Haelun’or?”

“I do not remember you in the Silver City,” she said, closing my hand in her leather gauntlets. “But I know your face. You were the Rose lady. We’ve met before in the time of Godfrey.”

Another old person like me? I searched her face, trying to see if her appearance triggered anything in my memory. “Were you… a friend of Ari’s?” I asked her.

The horned elf smiled, albeit very faintly. “She was my friend, yes. They called me Ryder then, though I go by a different name now.”

“Ryder!” I burst out, suddenly realizing who she was. “Yes, the tailor! You made dresses for all the noblewomen! That’s where I remember you from!”

Ryder laughed. “Tailoring. A skill I have long since forgotten. But yes, I made dresses many years ago.” She turned away from me to view the artifacts in the display case. “Your treasures are wonderful. So many things from long past. The empire was far grander in those days.”

“You think so?” I inquired, tilting my head as I peered at her.

“Yes,” she replied plainly. “Nowadays the Emperor is hardly ever seen. Godfrey walked saintlike among us. Divinely inspiring with his presence. I have little respect for a monarch sequestered behind the walls of his palace.”

“I’ve heard he’s sick,” I murmured.

“The old days are gone,” Ryder sighed. “We are different people now. Every single one of us.”

“The horns are new,” I remarked – and she smiled.

“New for about a century now,” she said, lifting a hand to touch them. They looked so large and heavy, I wondered how she managed to keep her posture straight. A strong neck and back, I assume.

“A lot of things are old to other people, but new to me,” I said, a little laugh escaping my lips. “Like everything here in this Empire. Maybe it’s not so grand as it used to be, with saints and prophets, but… I like it quite a bit here. Regardless, it’s always a pleasure to meet another person from back then. Someone who remembers. There are more exhibits upstairs if you’d like to see them?”

“I would love to.” From there, Ryder and I went upstairs. She exhaled a sigh as she looked over the armor of Olivier de Savoie and the diary of Lorina Carrion. “This place is full of ghosts,” she said with a tinge of sadness to her voice.

“Ghosts?” I repeated. “Maybe. But I prefer to think people are probably happy when they’re remembered. Because isn’t that a sign of love?”

“Love?” Ryder inquired.

“You only forget the things that you no longer care about,” I replied. “To be remembered is to be loved.”

“I’ll think of it that way, then,” Ryder replied. “I have many treasures from the old days myself. I’ll show them to you some time.”

“Oh, I would adore that, Miss Ryder!” I said. The sound of her old name made her grimace.

“Please,” she muttered. “I go by Azaerya now. The person called Ryder is no more.”

“Oh, forgive me,” I apologized. “Azaerya is a gorgeous name. It reminds me of flowers – like azaleas.”

Her eyebrows lifted. “I never realized that. It does sound similar,” she said. “My name was chosen for other reasons, but… to sound like a flower. That is pleasant. Though I fear I would make any flowers around me wilt.”

“Certainly not!” I replied. “Where are you living now, Miss Azaerya? Among the High Elves? Perhaps I can visit sometime. We’ll drink tea and pretend like we’re visiting Ari’s parlor in Abresi.”

“You have no idea how much I would enjoy that,” Azaerya said. We made plans to meet up again in the future and reminisce over tea. After that, she headed off on some business.

Ah, what a strange day. Baptisms, banditry, and an elf with dragon horns. Never a dull moment in Helena, the jewel of the crownlands.

It shocks me how many old people still live in Oren. I’ve come to believe that the past never really dies. It just goes to sleep for a little while. It’s nice, though, to see others from the past. Getting old can be lonely. The ones you loved are reduced to paintings on the wall, text on the page of a book… or forgotten entirely. But sometimes remnants of the past can return when you least expect them. Azaerya and I may not have been close all those years ago, but we share something rare today - and that’s the memory of how things used to be.

Entry 69 –
1780 IST.
 

Spoiler

I have been practicing magic for a very long time now – over three hundred years. Connecting to the void is rather trivial for me at this point. All I need to do is close my eyes and focus for just a moment. Then I feel the barriers around my body, the wall of flesh that separates me from the flowing energies of the world, dissolves in an instant. The bright, searing skeins of energy - overlapping, intertangling, loosening, tightening, knotting, unknotting - become tangible to me. I reach out a hand and I gather them as a child might gather dandelions in a field. With just a little bit of influence - some light pressure from my will - they take form. They assume any shape I coerce from them. Water, ice, mist. It takes concentration, perhaps, but no more than I might use to cook a meal or scrub a stain from my favorite dress.

Yet despite hundreds of years of experience – quite literally millions of hours of practice – I am still rather ignorant on how magic… works. For me, it’s like playing an instrument by ear, unable to read the sheet music. I can carry a tune and pick out a melody. I can even weave some very complex pieces if I put my mind to it. But I’m ignorant on the theory, the mechanics, the science of it. Sometimes that gets me into trouble.

Like today.

I’d been greatly enjoying the magic wand that Celestine gave me. Not only was it lovely to look at, but it was also fantastic at channeling voidal energy. My magic felt quite a bit stronger when I cast with my wand. I’d heard of mages using foci to augment their powers before, but it never occurred to me to buy such a thing for myself. It seemed a little… presumptuous, perhaps? To walk around carrying a staff or a wand? As if I were some great wizard or sage, when the truth is I’m just an amateur. But the wand that Celestine gave me was small and light, easy to carry and easy to conceal. I loved it and I thought it was perfect – at least until I found out what it was made from.

Today, I was practicing my magic in the back garden behind the museum I heard a sudden flurry of footsteps from inside. At first, I thought some children must be running around in the museum, causing a ruckus! Just as I was about to go inside and scold them for rough-housing near the artifacts, Celestine burst through the door into the garden. “Tanith, I have to see your wand at once!” she cried out.

I stood there for a moment with wand in hand, unsure what to do. With a flick of my wrist, I dismissed the spell I had been channeling. “Is there something wrong with it?” I asked, offering the wand to her.

Celestine examined the small blue crystal embedded in the heart of the wand. “Oh, it’s just as I feared,” she lamented before handing it back to me. “This gem… it’s something called a Kuila crystal. I learned about them from my orc friend, Fiil. It’s not meant to be used for voidal magicks.”

“What?” I asked. “It worked beautifully in the Nether a few weeks ago.”

“Kuila crystals are… living beings,” Celestine explained. “They’re often used in Druidic magic because they’re deeply connected to the energy of the natural world. But voidal magic is very harmful to a Kuila crystal. Poisonous. Each casting causes them to suffer and eventually die!”

I stared at the blue crystal and then at Celestine. “You mean… I’ve been torturing some poor creature this entire time?” My thoughts raced back to our adventure in the Nether, to the sheer volume of casting I’d done just to keep us alive. Dozens of spells over the course of a single hour - and that’s not including all the practice I had been doing since we returned home. Had each and every cast really harmed some innocent being inside the crystal? I felt sick to my stomach at the thought. “I… I didn’t know!”

“I didn’t either,” Celestine replied. “I only just learned about Kuila crystals myself. The maker – a Mali’ker named Vilren – was selling them. That monster! He’s killing the Kuila crystals, one by one, by selling them to voidal casters! It’s abhorrent! It’s… magical malpractice!”

“This is my fault. Some mage I am!” I said, touching my fingers to the crystal. “I’ve been practicing magic for over three centuries by now. I should have recognized that something was wrong.” I took the wand between my hands and bent it, intending to snap it in half. “I won’t be needing this anymore!”

“Tanith, wait!” Celestine lashed out and snatched the wand away from me. “We can fix it. All we need to do is swap the Kuila crystal with a more traditional arcane focusing crystal… Besides, the Kuila bonds to whoever touches it first. This one is bonded to you. It would want to stay with you.”

“Even after I’ve hurt it?” I asked.

“Even after. They bond to one person for life. Returning them to the wild won’t do,” Celestine replied. “Perhaps you could wear it as a piece of jewelry… or keep it as a good luck charm.”

I gazed down at the stone. The facets of the Kuila crystal bent the light in such a strange, ethereal way - like how glitters of sunlight play on fresh fallen snow. Looking into the depths of the crystal, I really could believe that something was alive in there. “I am in need of a wedding ring,” I said quietly. “If the little dear wouldn’t mind sitting on my finger, of course. He would look marvelous in a silver setting… or perhaps white gold.”

“That’s the spirit!” Celestine chirped cheerfully. She took a small paring knife from her satchel and used it to pry the Kuila crystal from the wand - taking great care not to scratch it in the process.

She dropped the blue stone in my open palm. “He’ll be fine and happy so long as you’re not channeling magic through him.”

I glanced pensively at the Acacia wand. “Where am I going to find an arcane focus crystal now, though?” I sighed. “I need to get my hands on one before we head back to the Nether. That wand was invaluable on our last trip…”

Celestine broke into a toothy grin. “Not to worry, I know just the place!” She ran a critical eye over my silk gown. “You’ll want to change, though… Definitely something more sturdy. After all, the voidal heath is located deep within the deserts of Krugmar.”

And that, dear reader, is how I ended up taking my first-ever visit to the land of the orcs.

I pocketed the Kuila crystal and my wand, then went upstairs to pack and change clothes. We set out from Helena and took the road south toward Aegorothond. I’m glad to report that our journey was pleasant and uneventful. No bandits or brigands along the road. Celestine and I talked about many things during our travels! She told me that they’ve opened a magic academy down in Sutica and she’s planning to enroll as a fire evocationist.

“Perhaps you should apply too!” Celestine encouraged me – and it was an interesting thought! “They’re accepting everyone. You’ve quite a bit of potential, Tanith. I’m sure a formal education and a deeper, more academic understanding of magic would only sharpen your abilities!”

“Yes, I’ll admit my formal knowledge is… lacking…” I muttered shamefully. “Everything I know is likely out of date by now. I had no idea what a Kuila crystal even was until you explained it to me. Even the voidal energies are… different here in Arcas. I don’t have the words, exactly, to describe how.”

“Strange…” Celestine mused. “Perhaps I’ll take you to meet Emmeline, the headmaster of the academy. She might be able to explain the voidal shifts you’re experiencing.”

“Ah, would you? I’d be ever so grateful,” I sighed. “Sometimes I feel so ignorant! Other elves seem to know so much about everything. And what have I done with my long life? Practically nothing!”

“Not nothing!” Celestine replied. “You’re with the NGS now. A true scholar of Oren, in addition to being a published author! There are always new frontiers to push and new things to learn!”

Her words cheered my spirit. “That’s true!” I said, heartened. “It’s wonderful that there are still things to discover, even after so long!”

We passed by Aegorothond and Sutica, though unfortunately there was no time to stop and visit. The Empire recently reached a peace agreement with Sutica, which means travel has opened back up. Perhaps Icroth and I can take that trip there after all. Maybe even as our honeymoon. We’ll see!

After a few more hours of hiking, we reached the borders of Krugmar. “Are we going to be safe here?” I asked Celestine. My nerves spiked as I felt the air grow warmer and drier around us.

“Fiil promised no harm would come to me and my friends in the War Uzg,” Celestine said, thumping a fist over her heart. “And orcs always keep their promises.”

“I’ll trust in you, then…” I murmured, not sure if I fully believed her.

From there, we left the main road and plunged into the tall, golden grass. Krugmar’s landscape could well be described as alien. It was like nothing I’ve seen within the bounds of the Empire. The fronds grew so high, they could almost tickle my nose. (And let it be known I am not a short woman! No, I am quite an appropriate height for an elf!) Bright red mesas erupted from the earth, revealing bands of exotic color. Loping gazelles grazed in clusters, their eyes quickly darting in search of predators. Strange trees with wide, flat, disc-shaped canopies provided a rare respite from the sun. The air tasted of dry dust. I wondered idly how people could live comfortably in such a place – but then again, I’m no orc. Perhaps this sort of environment is ideal for them.

As we trekked further into the plains, I became more and more aware of a prickling feeling at the back of my skull. There was powerful magic in the air – I could sense it keenly. The land was thick with flowing voidal energies. It felt like trying to fight your way through a mess of cobwebs. Celestine lead us out of the grass and we suddenly found ourselves standing on the edge of a precipice. The flat plain fell out below us into a yawning canyon. Vibrant shades of red, orange, and yellow striped the canyon walls. Massive, softly glowing blue crystals jutted from the earth. A sparkling river flowed through the canyon basin and its banks bristled with multicolored, luminescent flora. Spectral stingrays floated gently through the air, borne by no wings, and let out cries that I heard not only with my ears but with my soul.

“This place is the remnant of a voidal tear,” Celestine explained, taking a set of pitons and a length of rope out of her backpack. “They call it the voidal heath. Fiil tells me it holds great power. Let’s be careful, though. She says there are lots of arcane beasts roaming about and I’m sure we don’t want to end up on their bad side.”

“Duly noted.” I bent to help Celestine affix the rope to the canyon’s edge.

We carefully rappelled down into the basin. Celestine lead me through the winding corridors of the voidal heath until we reached a strange cave located at the heart of it all. In this cave stood a gigantic black obelisk, its surface polished to a mirror shine. The voidal energy around that obelisk was so potent that you could practically taste it on your tongue. “Here, these crystals should be the strongest,” Celestine said, pointing to a crystal formation growing out of the cave walls. “The closer we are to the heart of the heath, the more powerful the arcane crystals.”

“So that’s the heart?” I said, gesturing to the black obelisk.

“That’s what Fiil told me,” Celestine replied. “It’s here that you can attune yourself to the void and access voidal magic.”

“I feel it,” I said, gazing upon the structure. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt such strong energy in a single place.”

Celestine reached into her pack and pulled out a hammer and chisel. “Here, see if you can break a piece of that crystal off for your wand,” she said, offering the tools to me. I took them in hand and gently tapped away at the formation. A perfect, fingertip-sized chunk of crystal fell off - ideal for my wand. Celestine and I carefully fitted the crystal into its slot. “That should do it,” Celestine said with a smile. “Now we’ll be ready for whatever the Nether throws our way.”

“Goodness, I hope so,” I said. “Anything to make the casting easier.”

“We’re planning another short expedition into the Nether in the next Saint’s Day or two,” Celestine said as we climbed out of the cave. “I’d like to gather some magma cream and samples of the flora. I also noticed some white ore in the cave walls. We’ll need to bring some of that back for study. Do you think you can come with us, Tanith?”

“Dear me, a water evocationist is practically a requirement for Nether travel,” I replied. “You need someone with the ability to conjure ice out of thin air!”

“That’s true. I don’t know what we’d do without you, dearie!” Celestine grinned. “So can I count on you?”

“Always!”

Celestine and I camped out for the night in the canyon basin. The spectral manta-rays glowed so brightly against the night sky; I stayed awake for hours watching them float serenely past and hearing their mournful cries. As I lay there on the red earth, I thought of Juan and all the beautiful places we saw together when he was alive. I wondered if he’d ever been here, to this canyon, and if so, what did he think of it? I imagined the jokes he’d crack or the observations he’d make. How wonderful it would have been, to have him here with me and Celestine on our journey! I still miss him, even now.

But there is one silver lining, though. It’s thanks to Juan that Celestine and I have become closer. I lost one friend but gained another - just as irreplaceable in my heart.

Entry 70 –
1780 IST.
 

Spoiler

Today, we dove back through the portal into the Nether. Celestine opted for a small squadron this time - just her, me, and Chirr. Our objective was to collect three things from the other side. We wanted to sample some of the fungal flora we saw throughout the Nether, as well as harvest magma cream to better fireproof our gear. Celestine also saw some white ore in the cave walls that she wanted to mine. Luckily, they were all things that we could find close to the portal - so hopefully we wouldn’t be in danger of running out of air or water.

Unfortunately for us, there were other dangers we hadn’t foreseen.

The three of us met up at the Reza Museum before we departed for Luxem. I brought Icroth’s fire-resistant armor and lent it to Chirr. I have my magic and Celestine has her arbalest. Chirr, however, fights with a sword – so she needed all the protection she could get. She was the one who would be getting up close and personal with any beasts we encountered. The hike to Luxem was uneventful – though we nearly ran afoul of some Paladins squatting in the war camp.

“Shit, we’ll have to be quick!” Celestine hissed when she saw the Paladins gathered around the campfire. “Damn Paladins! No offense to Icroth, of course… but I doubt they’ll like us using their portal!” We snuck quick and quiet around the edge of the lake until we reached the stepping stones that lead up to the portal. Lucky for us, the Paladins didn’t seem to notice. With the portal already opened for us, we didn’t have to drown ourselves this time. All we had to do was jump through the archway and - just like that - we were back in the Nether.

“Jack is fond of me,” I suggested as we emerged on the other side. “It’s possible I could convince him to let us use the portal. Even though I haven’t seen him in a long time.”

“Don’t tell him.” Celestine waved her hand dismissively. “If he isn’t willing, then we risk losing access to the portal. Better to just sneak through when they’re not around.”

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, I guess,” I mumbled, feeling a bit uneasy about the dishonesty. But Celestine had a good point. If Jack knew that the portal was active and usable, I’m sure he would want it under strict control by the Paladins of Xan. And I doubt he would let us use it all willy-nilly!

In the Nether library, Celestine briefed us once more on our mission objectives. We prepared our gear and armaments. “We’ll tackle the magma slug first,” Celestine said. “Chirr, since you’re wearing the protective armor, you’ll lure it out. Tanith and I will hopefully be able to pick it off from a distance with my crossbow bolts and her magic.”

“So I’m the bait?” Chirr groused. “I didn’t know this armor came with strings attached.”

“You’re the best protected out of all of us, Chirr!” Celestine replied. “Your armor will keep you safe if it attacks you. Besides… the magma slug is very slow. As long as you keep out of its range, you should be fine! Besides, I’ve got my Quarreler here,” she said, gesturing to her arbalest. “And I’ve got plenty of aurum bolts. That slug won’t stand a chance!”

“My, that thing looks mean,” I commented on her crossbow.

“It is very mean, Tanith,” Celestine said, lifting the heavy crossbow and aiming it into space. “Dwarven design. One of the strongest ranged weapons that money can buy. Let’s hope the magma slug likes it as much as I do. Let’s be off!”

On that note, we fetched our Oxygen Orbs and fitted them over our heads. Armed to the teeth, we plunged through the portal into the raw Nether. The heat assailed us almost immediately but, luckily, we were better prepared this time. It didn’t leave us reeling the way it had when we first set foot in the red realm a few weeks ago.

Celestine, Chirr, and I wasted no time. We set off immediately for the magma slug’s cave. During our initial visit, we happened upon a cave slightly off the main thoroughfare. The cave was filled with strange shrooms that gave off clouds of acrid smoke. Toward the back of the cave, there was a still lava pool that seemed to move more thickly and sluggishly than the lava lakes outside. When we examined it on our first trip, the lava in the pool suddenly reared up and tried to attack. But lucky for us, it moved incredibly slowly. We had ample time to run back for safety.

But today, we intended to give that lava slug a piece of our minds. The books in the Nether library indicated that their slime could be used as a fire retardant - something we desperately needed in this fiery hell of a realm. If we hoped to push the frontiers of the Nether, we would need the fire slug’s magma cream.

Standing outside of the cave mouth, Celestine armed her crossbow and I began to channel my magic. “Lure it out here so we have more room to fight it, Chirr!” Celestine said. Chirr gave a nod - though I couldn’t help but notice the worried frown on her face - and plunged into the cave.

We waited several minutes. “Chirr, are you all right in there?” Celestine shouted.

“I don’t think it’s working!” Chirr shouted back.

Celestine and I exchanged glances before heading into the cave ourselves. Chirr stood at the edge of the slug’s lava pool, stamping her feet to try and get a reaction out of the muck. But nothing was happening. “Maybe if I spray it with some water?” I suggested.

“That might do the trick,” Chirr replied. She and Celestine took a step back as I began to channel my magic.

Perhaps the lava slug sensed a shift in the voidal energies, because a small slug - about the size of a dog - oozed out of the pool. I formed the void’s energies into a quick blast of water that I shot toward the slug. To my shock, just that little spurt reduced the creature to a smear of ash on the wall.

“Nice one!” Chirr congratulated me. “We did it.”

“It can’t possibly be that easy, can it?” I said, my brow wrinkling in consternation. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about the Nether, it’s that nothing there is easy.

And I was right.

The lava pool began churning restlessly, bubbling like a witch’s cauldron. A massive creature the size of five men slithered out of the pool and onto the land. It was so hot, the air shimmered around it like a mirage. The bulk of the creature took most of the lava with it, leaving the pool an empty hollow. The three of us staggered backward as the massive fireslug emerged from its domain. We realized at once what we were seeing. The little magma slug must have been a baby. And this was its mother, come to seek revenge.

Two white-hot, burning eye-stalks emerged from the magma slug’s form. They exuded smoke as they poked forth. Those glowing eyes fixed themselves on me… and the lumbering beast began slowly advancing toward my position.

We all rushed backward, trying to put as much distance between ourselves and the slug as possible. “Tanith, try using your magic!” Celestine called to me as she readied her crossbow. I focused the voidal energies in my wand and summoned forth a wave of water, hurling it toward the mother slug. But - to our horror - it had little to no effect on the creature! A part of its body hardened briefly into stone but quickly melted back into molten rock. The water didn’t seem to harm it at all! It continued slithering toward me, completely undeterred by my attack.

Chirr dashed up close and plunged her aurum blade into the slug’s side – only to find that the creature’s heat melted her blade into goo! She pulled out the hilt to find the blade completely gone, absorbed into the slug’s body! Celestine fired off a bolt from her crossbow, but the bolt immediately disappeared and melted into the slug’s molten form. Absolutely nothing worked!

“Shit, how do we kill this thing?!” Chirr shouted, throwing the useless sword hilt aside.

“Let’s try some ice!” I said and began weaving the void’s energies into an icy projectile.

But as I was focusing and channeling, the slug did something unexpected. Until now, it had been a slow, ponderous sort of beast. But without warning, it suddenly flung itself into the air at blinding speeds and came crashing down toward me. I looked up to see the gigantic slug hurtling down upon me, ready to crush me under its bulk!

Without thinking, I hurled the ice spike straight up toward the slug. My aim was true, striking the beast squarely in the middle of its body. The projectile knocked it off course and gave me just enough time to avoid being crushed. Streams of molten ‘blood’ spilled out of the fire slug as it smashed into the ground where I’d been standing a moment earlier.

“Ice is the trick!” I shouted to my friends. “Keep it off me so I have time to cast!”

The magma slug seemed to realize I was too dangerous of a target, so it began slithering toward Celestine instead. Celestine reloaded her crossbow, staggering backward as he kept her aim trained on the creature. She fired again, but her second shot was just as ineffective as the first. “My bolts are no good!” she bellowed, turning tail and trying to run. Just as she turned, the magma slug prepared to leap again.

But I was ready. I hurled a javelin of ice and struck the magma slug midair. While jumping, its body seemed to be entirely liquid. It was vulnerable - and my aim was on point. My ice javelin severed the creature in half, causing it to spray molten blood everywhere. A bit of the lava struck Celestine’s leg and I heard her cry out in pain. “Run, Celestine!” I cried out to her. “RUN!”

The fireslug, now greatly reduced in size, churned and bubbled with anger. Though it was smaller now, it was still easily large enough to crush a person. Its glowing eyes swivelled toward Chirr - the only member of our group without a weapon. It leapt once more into the air, flinging itself in Chirr’s direction. Not one to waste an opportunity, I pitched another spear of ice at the slug. My aim couldn’t stay good forever, though. This one missed and sailed off into the distance.

Chirr didn’t need my protection, though. On her back, she carried a barrel of water we could use to refill our canteens if needed. Opening the barrel’s spout, she flung water onto the magma slug. Its body briefly hardened into stone - then cracked like an egg as it struck the earth, missing Chirr entirely. Golden, molten goo oozed out of the cracks in its stone shell.

“Careful, Chirr!” Celestine shouted. “Run! Hurry! While it’s immobile!”

Chirr scrambled to safety. The fireslug’s shell began to melt away, freeing its body from the stone prison. I seized hold of the voidal forces and began channeling another spear of ice. The magma slug turned its glowing eyes toward me, narrowing them in hate as it remembered I was the one who killed its baby. It began slithering at me. I braced, waiting for it to leap…

And it did. It catapulted into the air toward me. I flung my projectile and dashed forward, darting underneath the slug to the other side. My spear skewered the slug and made it erupt into goo. Lava-blood from the slug’s wounds dripped down and struck me on the back, searing through my clothes and leaving a horrible burn. But thank God, at least I wasn’t crushed beneath it!

The slug, despite everything, still clung to life. I prepared another blast of ice to finish it off, but Chirr was quicker. She dumped the remaining water from her barrel onto the fireslug, causing it to harden into stone. While it was immobile, Celestine readied a crossbow bolt. She lined up her shot and fired. I watched as the slug crumbled into lifeless chunks of rock. Magma blood oozed out of its corpse.

“Did… did we win?” I gasped, my body shaking as I dismissed my spell back to the void.

“We did it!” Chirr shouted jubilantly.

“Seems like it! Hasta la vista, you bastard,” Celestine huffed. She stumbled to her feet – her injured leg thankfully still able to support her – and approached the slug’s corpse. Pulling a heat-proof crucible from her pack, she scooped up a sample of the magma cream. “This should be enough to treat at least one person’s gear… as well as leave a little for our new Nether display in the museum.”

We took a moment to treat our burns and rehydrate. I was drained from the constant casting, so I barely had enough energy to cool our canteens. Celestine checked her watch. “We have twenty minutes of oxygen left by my count,” she said. “We need to hurry.”

“You and Chirr go harvest the white ore,” I said. “I’ll get the smokeshroom samples. If any more beasties pop up, I’ll run for the portal.”

“All right, be careful, though,” Celestine replied, frowning warily. She put an arm around Chirr, who helped support her. “We’ll meet back at the portal when we’ve got what we came here for.” I watched the two of them limp off together toward the place where Celestine saw the white ore.

Just like that, I was alone in the Nether.

The smokeshrooms we intended to harvest grew toward the mouth of the cave. They looked like common, ordinary fungus, except for the fact that they let off little belches of black smoke. I took a pair of alchemist’s shears from my backpack. I’m not sure if it was my exhaustion, my injuries, or both – but I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking. “Come on, Tanith,” I murmured to myself, trying to hold the shears steady. “You’ve been gardening for centuries. This isn’t that hard.”

I lowered myself painfully down onto my haunches, groaning all the while. The burn on my back throbbed with heat and agony. Carefully, I angled the shears to snip the smokeshroom at its root.

But I botched the cutting and it let off a huge plume of stinking smoke in my face. I coughed in spite of the Oxygen Orb on my head. The smoke tasted like burnt pepper and it made me gag. A huge plume of smoke drifted off into the cavern, disappearing from view.

I was determined to get a few samples of smokeshroom, though. After a few more botched cuttings, I managed to get three usable specimens. I stuffed them into my satchel and hurried away from the cave mouth. Glancing back over my shoulder, I grimaced to see a huge column of smoke wafting from the cave. If anything was watching us from afar, it would know right away that someone had been playing around with the smokeshrooms.

I hurried back to the main road, where I found Celestine and Chirr trying to extract the white ore from the walls. They were having some difficulty working it free. “It’s stubborn,” Chirr grunted as she tried to pull the ore out.

“We should probably go soon. The smokeshrooms certainly lived up to their name,” I said quietly, adjusting the shoulder strap of my satchel.

“Just a little longer!” Celestine said. “We almost have it. Keep an eye out while we get this ore free, won’t you?”

As they were trying to mine the ore, though, I suddenly heard a noise from the direction of the shroom cave. A noise that sounded quite like a child crying - if that child were fifty feet tall. “We should go!” I said swiftly, looking over at my friends. “I really don’t like the sound of that!”

Celestine was completely focused on the task at hand, though - chiseling around the ore to try and work it free. “Just a second or two more! It’s almost out!”

The moaning echoed through the gigantic caverns once more, this time much closer. I looked up to see an alien shape emerging from the Nether’s scarlet mists. An enormous, floating creature covered in pasty white skin hovered mere feet above us. Curling tentacles dangled beneath it. “Celestine, we have to go NOW! It’s a ghast!” Chirr shouted before taking off running toward the portal. I realized with horror that it must have been drawn by all the smoke from the smokeshrooms!

Celestine looked up from her work. “Holy Horen – !” she shrieked as she finally managed to dislodge a chunk of ore. “Run! RUN!”

I raced over to Celestine and wrapped my arm around her, helping her to stand on her injured leg. We sprinted as fast as we could toward the portal.

The ghast whimpered like a baby as it floated after us. A strange light began to form in the depths of its gargantuan mouth. It spat forth an enormous fireball that crashed into the earth right next to us, knocking me and Celestine off our feet.

“Tanith! Celestine!” Chirr screamed, doubling back to help us. She wrapped another arm around Celestine and jerked her to her feet. Together, the three of us ran as fast as we possibly could.

Behind us, the ghast began charging up another fireball. We saw the portal just up ahead and made a running leap into the swirling purple light.

The portal spat us out into the Nether Library. We all collapsed on the floor, our chests heaving and our hearts pounding. Grateful to be back in the cool air, grateful to be safe, but most of all - grateful to be alive! One by one, we yanked the Oxygen Orbs off our heads and cast them aside.

“Bloody Hell, that was close,” Celestine gasped, sitting up. “But… we did it! We got everything we came here for! A rollicking success, girls!”

“How’s the leg? Will you need a doctor?” Chirr asked, examining Celestine’s injuries.

“It’s a surface level burn,” Celestine replied. “I’ll live. No need to amputate.”

Chirr laughed breathlessly. “Good,” she said. “You know… we three make a pretty fine little team. We should do this more often."

“Maybe without the fire slugs and ghasts,” Celestine chuckled. “A slightly less dangerous challenge next time.”

“I vote for a pub crawl!” Chirr grinned.

With our spoils in tow, we made our way back through the portal to Luxem. Thankfully, the Paladins had scattered by the time we returned. We camped out that night in the mountains and dressed our wounds. I’m writing this now from my home in Helena.

The Nether is a deadly, dangerous place, but… I can’t help but feel as though we’ve begun to master it. I’m so glad I learned water evocation all those years ago. It’s proven invaluable in our journeys. Whatever secrets the Nether has hidden, we’re going to uncover them!

Entry 71 –
1780 IST.
 

Spoiler

Just a few days ago, everything seemed so optimistic.

Our last two trips into the Nether were dangerous, yes, but we came out victorious and relatively unharmed. A few cuts, scrapes, burns – but nothing permanent! We’d met our mission objectives successfully, collecting useful information and samples for study. The Nether was frightening, yes, and full of unknowns - but nothing the NGS couldn’t handle! Surely, if anyone could uncover the secrets of the red realm, it would be us!

It’s safe to say I feel much different now. Icroth is lying in bed next to me, asleep. He’s breathing deep and slow. Alive, thank God. But missing pieces. His left leg’s been severed below the knee. All he has now is a stump. Oh, my poor fiance is hobbling around on crutches! He’s going to walk down the aisle on our wedding day with one leg! And it’s all because we got too confident. We thought we could handle anything the Nether threw at us, but we never expected this. It all happened so fast. One minute, Icroth was fine and perfectly safe. The next minute, his leg was gone.

It all began so normally. (Isn’t that strange? I’ve begun to think of our Nether visits as ‘normal.’ It’s amazing how quickly one adjusts to even the most unusual of circumstances. I can’t believe I let myself get so complacent!) We convened a few days ago at the museum for our usual pre-mission preparations. Our squadron for the mission consisted of Celestine, Otto, Chirr, Icroth, Red (also known as Jihane, the air evocationist from our first mission), and myself.

This time, we made it our objective to locate a safe place to refill our Oxygen Orbs and perhaps find a way to stop the headaches. Those were the two main factors that prevented us from delving further into the Nether. If we could solve those issues, I was sure nothing could stop us! The beasts of the Nether were dangerous and deadly, to be sure, but we’d already conquered the fire slugs. And with our new smokeshroom bombs, we might easily create clouds of gas to flummox the ghasts.

After meeting in the museum, we hiked north to Luxem and proceeded through the portal. It felt so rote and routine by now I believed we were ready. Armed with our magic, supplies, and equipment, we made haste toward the frontier. All the old obstacles that waylaid us last time - collapsed bridges, gas-filled fruits - we bypassed with ease.

We ran into a small issue when we discovered that our canteens weren’t insulated well enough and a good portion of our water evaporated due to the severe heat, but we were undeterred. We quickly made our way into new territory.

Before long, we found ourselves gathered on the edge of a precipice. The road leading us through the Nether had fallen away into lava. Curiously, though, sections of the road remained suspended in the air – held aloft over the magma by green, gas-filled pustules. We determined that we’d need to travel over these floating islands to progress further. While we were debating how to most safely traverse the gap, Red - the air evocationist - whipped up a magical wind and used it to buoy herself across to the floating islands.

Her magic carried her safely over the gap, but it awakened a school of fire slugs in the lava below. The magma roiled and bubbled as several fire slug eyes peeked out from beneath the surface. Luckily, it seemed they were small - the same size as the baby slug I killed a few weeks ago. All it took to dispatch the baby was a quick blast of water, so I wasn’t worried. Keeping an eye on the slugs below, we relied on Red’s air evocation to hop us one by one across the gap.

The casting quickly took a toll on Red, though. It’s impressive to lift just one human-sized being with magic. Red floated several. When it came time to levitate Icroth and Chirr across, she simply couldn’t find the strength. She collapsed in exhaustion onto her knees.

“I’ve got a rope! We’ll use that!” Celestine shouted across the gap. The four of us - Red, Celestine, Otto, and me - had already made it across thanks to the magic. Only Icroth and Chirr were left behind. Celestine retrieved a length of rope from her pack. Tying one end to a nearby rocky outcropping, she tossed the other end over to Icroth. “Tie it up and see if you can shimmy across!”

Icroth deftly caught the rope, not allowing it to touch the magma. He pulled it taut and tied it to a post on his side of the gap. “Ladies first,” he said to Chirr. Chirr wrapped her arms and legs around the rope and began shimmying toward the other side, her body hanging upside down like a slot.

Below her, the fire slugs had begun to growl and hiss - getting more agitated by the second. “Hurry, Icroth!” I warned. “Those things can move very fast when they want to!”

Once Chirr was safely on the floating island, Icroth began to cross. I held my breath, hoping against hope that the fire slugs wouldn’t take this opportunity to strike. Icroth was nearly to the other side when, out of nowhere, one of the baby slugs flung itself free of the lava and hurtled toward him.

“Icroth! Watch out!” I screamed, but it was too late.

The baby slug latched onto Icroth’s left leg, enveloping the limb whole! Icroth let out a guttural roar of pain and began trying to kick the slug off. I whipped my wand out of its holster. “GET OFF HIM!” I bellowed, summoning the energies of the void into a blast of water.

If I’d hit the slug, Icroth might still have his leg today, but I missed. My water bolt sailed harmlessly off into the distance.

At last, after minutes of struggle, Icroth managed to kick the fire slug off. It fell into the magma below where it disappeared. We grabbed ahold of Icroth and pulled him onto the floating island. He hissed and gasped in pain, clutching his injured limb. Rapidly cooling and hardening lava encased his leg below the knee.

“We have to get his leg out of there! That lava is roasting him alive!” Celestine shouted. I started trying to crack the magma with the hilt of my knife, but to no avail. It was too hot and as hard as cement. Celestine glanced at me hopelessly. “This is beyond my ability to help with here in the Nether. We need to get him through the portal and to a proper hospital as soon as possible!”

“It’s fine,” Icroth spat between clenched teeth. “Just leave me here. You need to press forward. You can return for me later.”

“Are you crazy?” I shouted hoarsely at him. “I’m not leaving you!”

“Tanith, they need you. Your magic is critical here,” Icroth wheezed. “It barely hurts now. I can’t feel anything. Go!”

“Wait, it doesn’t hurt anymore?” Celestine looked over the leg encased in lava. “That’s… not a good sign, Icroth! It means the lava’s eaten away at your nerves!”

“Are we… are we going to have to perform a field amputation?” I asked with dawning horror.

“W-we can’t - not here! There’s no telling what sort of infection he might get if we botch it,” Celestine stammered. “We have to evacuate.”

“Don’t call off the expedition on my account, Celestine,” Icroth pleaded. “We’ve come this far. We need to find the air pocket and set up camp.”

“Camp is less important than your leg, Icroth! We’re evacuating you now!” Celestine barked in reply. She whirled around to face Chirr. “Get some of the materials we planned to use for building the shelter. We’ll fashion them into a makeshift stretcher.” Chirr slung the backpack off her shoulders and began digging around. We managed to cobble together a quick hammock out of what we had on hand. We loaded Icroth up and prepared to leave. After having rested a moment, Red was able to push us back across the lava gap with her air magic.

I’ve never moved so fast – or so carefully – in all my life. By then, our Nether-induced headaches were beginning to make my vision go fuzzy, but I wouldn’t let that hold me back. A part of me still clung to the hope that we could save his leg, but we had to be swift. We dove through the portal and rushed back to Luxem. But from there, we still faced a long hike back to civilization. Realizing it would be hours - if not days - before we reached a hospital, we began to lose hope.

“We are… never going to back to that place,” Celestine said as we made the long scramble back to the city. “Never. I’m done. We’re done. We’ve pressed that frontier as far as we can.”

I didn’t dare argue with her. Seeing my fiance’s leg encased in lava - knowing in my heart that we couldn’t hope to save his limb - made me realize how truly unprepared we were for the Nether.

“We’ll find a leg for you, Icroth,” Celestine promised him. “There are amazing advances in artificial limb technology. Ones that can be moved and controlled just like your real limbs.”

“Thank you,” Icroth murmured from the stretcher, exhausted and in pain. “I would be done without you lot. You’re good people.”

Celestine fell into a bitter silence - confronted by the fact that our friend was now permanently disabled and we had very little to show for his sacrifice. “If… I was a good person, I wouldn’t have put you at such great risk,” Celestine said, biting back tears as we continued along the road. “I’m not a good person. I’m your president. I’m your leader. This is on me, Icroth. W-Whatever we have to do, whatever it costs, I’ll help to make this right.”

“Celestine, you already have,” he said softly, reaching out to touch her arm. “Thank you.”

After that, we didn’t talk anymore.

At long last, after what felt like an eternity of hiking, we reached the medical clinic in Helena. An elven doctor and an ISA medic tended to Icroth’s amputation. I didn’t get their names; I was too devastated by everything that had happened.

Needless to say, it was impossible to save the leg. It had roasted down to nothingness inside of its magma cocoon. The amputation took hours – and I wept for just as long when I went into the clinic and saw my poor fiance without his leg. The doctors advised it would be better for Icroth to rest and recover at home, so we returned to the museum and got him into bed.

What were we thinking, going into the Nether? Lying to Jack? This feels like divine punishment for our deception and hubris. I feel sick over what I’ve done. Icroth didn’t deserve this. Just a few weeks ago, I was happily planning our wedding. Now?
Now I don’t know what to do.

…I have to tell Jack. If anyone can figure out how to fix Icroth’s leg, it’s Jack. Oh, I simply pray he won’t hate me when he realizes what we’ve done.

Entry 72 –
1780 IST.
 

Spoiler

I did it. I told Jack what we’d done. I simply couldn’t stand seeing Icroth suffer. We needed to find help and Jack was the only person I could think of. Celestine, I’m sorry for spilling our secret. Hopefully, you won’t be too angry with me when you find out.

For the last several days, Icroth has been struggling to adjust to life without his leg. The crutches chafe him terribly. Not to mention, they’re awfully unwieldy in the narrow hallways and staircases of Helena. We needed a better option. I suggested we look into prosthetics, but Icroth and I are rather poor. I’m an academic and he’s a Paladin. Neither of those professions pays particularly well. We have enough to keep us clothed and fed, but fancy magical golem-limbs might be out of our reach. I proposed Icroth adopt an ordinary wooden or leather prosthetic, but he grimaced at the suggestion. 

“I won’t be able to fight with the Paladins on a wooden leg, Tanith,” he grumbled.

“Surely it’s better than crutches or a peg leg, though…” I replied.

Icroth still shook his head. “I can’t fulfill my oaths to Xan like that,” he said. “I need to be combat-ready.”

Being a paladin is a dangerous profession. I’m certain that Icroth isn’t the first paladin to lose a limb. A traditional, non-magical prosthetic wouldn’t suit him. He needed something more sophisticated. But where would we find such a thing for low cost? I only knew of one person who might be able to help. So, one day, while Icroth was asleep in bed resting, I sent a courier to deliver a message to Jack.

We arranged to meet on the second floor of the Dragon’s Rest tavern. Jack’s letter informed me that he was nearby and would be in town shortly. I sat there waiting for him, growing more and more nervous by the second. Eventually, I heard his heavy boots climbing up the stairs. Rising to my feet, I wrung my hands nervously in front of me.

Jack stopped mid-stride when he saw me standing there. “Tanith,” he said softly, quickening his pace over to my table. “What’s wrong?”

I clenched and unclenched my hands, my jaw working as I figured out how to phrase the situation. This was the first time I had seen Jack in a long while - several years. Now I had to break the news that I had been sneaking around Luxem behind his back. That we had activated the Nether portal without his consent. That Icroth was now missing a leg because of our foolish overconfidence. “If… If I tell you something, Jack,” I said, feeling like a little girl who had been caught breaking the rules, “will you promise not to be angry with me?”

His eyes flickered cautiously around the room before coming to settle on me once again. “You’re being very vague, Tanith,” he said. “What’s happened? It would take a great deal for me to be angry with you.”

I sat back down in my chair, my gaze fixed on my hands - fidgeting, picking at my fingernails, wrinkling my dress, and smoothing it out. It’s always been hard for me to hide my emotions. I opened my mouth, then closed it again as the wheels in my head kept turning - looking for the right combination of words that wouldn’t make him angry.

“The portal… at Luxem…” I began haltingly, lowering my voice so that none of the scant few patrons in the tavern could hear me. “We – the Northern Geographic Society – we found a way to activate it… and to go through. To visit the other side. We’ve been mounting expeditions into the Nether.”

Jack’s blue eyes widened. “You’ve been entering the Nether without telling me?”

“I’ve been three times,” I confessed. His gaze felt as though it were boring a hole in my head. I could hardly look at him.

Jack moved to sit down across from me, letting out a long, ragged sigh. He clasped his hands in front of him. “Let me guess,” he growled, his voice a low roll of thunder. “Something happened in the Nether.”

I cringed hard when I heard the change in his tone. “W-we were so foolish, Jack!” I said, struggling to hold in tears. “It was so much more dangerous and deadly than we were expecting. We tried to prepare as much as possible, but it simply wasn’t enough. Icroth… on our expedition a few days ago… a magma slug got ahold of his leg and… Oh, Jack! It’s gone! That thing burned his leg clean off!”

“Icroth was with you?” Jack grunted, clenching his teeth. “He went to the Nether with you and didn’t think to inform me?”

“You mustn’t be mad at him, Jack,” I pleaded. “The only reason he went is because of me. We won’t go there ever again, I promise!”

“Where is he?” Jack demanded.

“He’s resting,” I murmured. “They had to amputate what was left of his leg… He’s in a lot of pain, Jack. You mustn’t scold him. He needs help more than anything…”

“The Nether is not to be challenged lightly and yet you went traipsing through that portal without a care in the world,” he hissed, slamming his fist on the table between us I jumped. “Your foolishness and lack of preparation cost my student his limb. You are in no position to tell me what I should or should not do! You will take me to him now.”

I’d never seen Jack act like this before. He’s always been such a kindly, sweet, warm old man. But now his eyes flashed like lightning and his voice rumbled like an earthquake. A shiver of fear shot down my spine and I felt goosebumps prickle on my arms. How could I tell him no? I got up from my chair and gestured for him to follow me back to the museum.

Icroth was still sleeping when we arrived. I had Jack wait in the hallway outside of our room while I woke him. “Icroth…” I whispered, gently shaking his shoulder. “Jack’s here.”

Icroth’s eyes shot open in alarm. He threw back the bedsheets and hurriedly dressed with my help. When Jack entered the room, Icroth was standing at attention with his back straight (or at least as much as he could on crutches). “Sir,” he said, nodding his head respectfully to his commander.

“Who told you that you had permission to activate the portal?” Jack questioned him. “I gave you strict orders to stay away from that lake. There’s a reason I never taught you how to open the Nether, Icroth!”

“My apologies, sir,” Icroth replied. “Celestine Herbert of the NGS taught us how to activate it. I assumed – wrongly, it seems – that she had received permission from the Paladins of Luxem to do so.”

“How many times have you been to the Nether, Icroth?” Jack pressed. “Tanith said three.”

“Twice, sir. She went once without me,” he answered.

“And neither time you thought to inform me,” Jack seethed, his eyes widening with ire. “We have guarded that damn portal for decades!”

Icroth winced. “I genuinely believed that the NGS already had your permission, sir,” he explained.

“That is not an excuse, Vursur,” Jack rasped.

“I know,” Icroth admitted, his eyes dropping shamefully to the floor. “I failed. I should have confirmed with you before I went on the expedition. Celestine… walked right in as if she had done it a thousand times. I didn’t think to question her.”

“I’ll have that woman strung up if I ever catch her in Luxem again!” Jack barked. I gasped and covered my face with my hands. I’d seen the crucifixes at Luxem. Surely Jack wouldn’t do something so horrible! “And what do I say to you, hm? My student, who lost his damn leg? That he was an idiot and got himself wrapped up in the machinations of some ignorant human who doesn’t understand our cause, our reasoning, or our oaths?”

Icroth flinched at the castigation. “I’m a fool and I paid the price,” he said bitterly. “I wanted to protect Tanith and her friends. But I was the one who needed to be saved.”

“You might be a full Paladin now, but you are hardly capable of braving the Nether. I’ve been there before, Icroth! I know what it’s like!” Jack slammed his fist into the wall, causing us both to jump. “Did you even think to bring along fire-proof gear? Alchemists? Mages? Or did you simply jump through thinking it’d be a walk in the park?”

I couldn’t stay quiet anymore. “We prepared as much as we could, Jack!” I cried out. “I know water evocation. I’ve been practicing it for centuries now. We had an air evocationist there as well! Between the two of us, I thought we would be able to handle the fire. I bought special fire-proof Athin-treated armor for Icroth too. We had aurum weaponry. Our satchels were full of potions and burn salves. We brought extra water, grappling hooks to traverse gaps… everything we could possibly think to bring! It still wasn’t enough!”

Jack turned to eye me. I fell back into silence for a moment before muttering, “We should have asked you first. I’m sorry. I realize that now.”

Jack let out a long groan, his fury abating slightly. “…You prepared somewhat decently, then.” He glanced back at Icroth. “How exactly did you lose your leg?”

Icroth took a deep, slow breath as he recounted the incident. “We were trying to cross a chasm filled with lava. We had a rope tied across the gap. I stayed back to make sure everyone else had crossed safely since they weren’t as agile as me,” he explained. “I kept hold of the safety rope so that I could pull them back up if they fell. Our movements agitated a group of magma slugs below in the chasm. When it came to my turn… one of them lunged at me and enveloped my leg.”

Jack shook his head. “I could scold you and say you should have taken care of the slugs prior to crossing,” he exhaled. “But I’ll refrain. It seems as though this is more a matter of bad luck than lack of preparation or care on your part.”

“I’m ashamed, sir,” Icroth replied. “I cost the expedition valuable time and became a burden on my squadron. I let the team down. And I let you down.”

“What’s done is done,” Jack said, lifting a hand to stop him. “You’ve paid the price and learned your lesson. I wish I could have helped prepare you and we could have avoided this accident. But from here, we will simply have to find a way to move forward.” He looked over Icroth’s stump of a leg. “I know a mage-smith who can craft you a replacement limb, filled with Xannic light. You’ll need to sunbathe the limb every now and then so it can absorb our Aengulic Lord’s energy. But it will be as fast, agile, and powerful as the leg you lost.”

“Praise be to Xan,” Icroth sighed with relief. “I worried I would need to hang up my sword.”

“We can’t have that,” Jack replied. “Not with the world in this state. You’re not escaping your charge to Xan that easily. I’ll be needing you on future missions. Let’s… consider this a rite of passage. You’re not the first Paladin to lose a limb in service to Xan and I doubt you will be the last.”

He turned once more to me, his features softening. “What of you, Tanith, my dear? Are you hurt as well?”

“A few little burns,” I muttered. “But nothing bad.”

“As long as you’re all right,” he said, patting me on the shoulder. “I won’t do any harm to your friend Celestine. I was speaking in anger just now… but… in the future, you must let me know when you plan to visit the Nether. I can send Paladins along to help protect you. And I will be having some stern words with this… Celestine Herbert.”

“Please, Jack,” I said, reaching out to take hold of his sleeve. “We really did go there with only the best intentions. I really did want to tell you, but Celestine was worried you would stop us. You mustn’t be cross with her. She has the most beautiful heart and she’s so brave.”

Jack let out another long sigh. “I’ll take your word for it, Tanith. But please do not go back without telling me. Don’t make any more plans to return until Icroth has his limb grafted on. It may be a few months, but we’ll have him in fighting shape again soon.”

“Thank Goodness.” I smiled. “I was worried he’d have to walk down the aisle on crutches.”

Jack’s eyes snapped wide open. “Walk down the what now?”

I felt my face heat up. “Oh – ah – we’re… getting married,” I laughed breathlessly.

“Suppose I forgot to tell you,” Icroth grumbled.

“The last time I checked, you couldn’t stand this ’ker!” Jack said, gesturing to Icroth.

“She still can’t stand me,” Icroth quipped.

“You… didn’t question what he was doing in my apartment, Jack?” I giggled. “In my bed?”

Jack paused, glancing around the room. “Point taken,” he mumbled. “When is your wedding? I’ll make sure Icroth has his new leg by then.”

“No date yet,” I replied. “But… perhaps the sooner the better. That way, there’s less chance of us dying to a nightmarish beast on the way to the altar.”

“I’d better get an invite for all you two have put me through,” Jack grumbled. “Right. I’ll talk to my mage-smiths. For now, though, I reckon my student needs his rest. Tanith, would you mind showing me to the door, dear?”

I took him by the hand and led him back downstairs. 

Once we were outside, he hesitated a moment. “I’m sorry for getting angry earlier, Tanith,” Jack said. “Icroth is not a child and neither are you. You don’t deserve to be scolded by an old dog like me. You were both better prepared than I expected and it seems this incident was the result of bad luck more than anything.”

I glanced away shyly. “You were justified, sir,” I replied. “We should have told you. You could have helped. I knew it was wrong to go through the portal without your permission, but… I decided to hide and be sneaky anyway.”

He smiled at me. “You’ve become quite the little adventurer. What happened to the meek dark elf I met ten years ago behind the bar?” he asked.

“I’ve been a meek servant girl for five hundred years,” I pouted. “Don’t I deserve to have some fun of my own?”

“That you do – if you call going into the Nether and losing a limb fun, sure,” Jack chuckled. “Take care, Tanith. You know I would be heartbroken if anything happened to you or Icroth.”

“Wait, before you go!” I said, reaching out to grab his arm. “I wanted to know… what do paladins do when they get married? Is there any kind of Xannic wedding ceremony?”

Jack shook his head. “Nothing so sweet under Xan’s guidance,” he said. “Leave Xan out of your wedding. Paladins are strugglers and our rites reflect that. Duty and doom, death and sacrifice. You two should get married for yourselves, rather than marrying to please some higher being that doesn’t particularly care one way or the other.”

His words struck me in an odd way and I let go of his arm. “Maybe you’re right about that,” I said quietly. “Thank you again, Jack. Take care.”

“And you, my little adventurer. Don’t let the magma slugs bite.” He leaned over and ruffled my hair before setting off.

I’m glad I was honest and told him. I’m not sure the NGS will ever set foot in the Nether again, but… perhaps next time we’ll be more prepared with Jack and the Paladins of Xan on our side.

Jack gave me some insight too. I’d been wondering about what sort of wedding Icroth and I ought to have. Whether it should be elven or human style. Canonist, Wild Faith, Xannic, or something else. But in truth, it doesn’t matter. It’s for us to affirm our eternal love for one another. To celebrate with our friends. As long as we’re together, it will be perfect no matter what.

Entry 73 --
1780 IST.

 

Spoiler

Icroth and I traveled up to Luxem today so that the smiths could start work on his new leg. It was a hard journey on Icroth's crutches. There aren't really any roads that lead directly into Luxem. It's nothing but narrow, rocky mountain paths winding along stark cliff edges. The hike is difficult under normal circumstances, but Icroth could barely navigate it with his missing leg. We made it, thank goodness, but it took double as long and left us twice as exhausted.

 

Jack met us outside the fort in Luxem. He led us down into the bowels of the fortress, where we found a forge powered by Xannic magic. Little motes of light floated dizzily through the air. No fire flickered in the forge's belly. Instead, it emitted a steady glow of soft yellow light. There, Jack introduced us to two of his friends - Diomedes and Velenius. They were a pair of Xannic mage-smiths who specialized in the crafting of magically-animated golem limbs.

 

"In order for the spell to work, I need to take precise measurements of your leg," Diomedes explained. "If it's even slightly off, the magic won't take."

 

"Luckily, we brought my old leg. Grim as that may be," Icroth grunted. After his surgery, he chose to keep the severed limb. I thought it was rather grisly at first, but it turned out to have a practical purpose! I opened up my rucksack and pulled out the leg. We'd swaddled it in twine and butcher paper to protect it (and us -- it stank like burnt pork). I handed the leg off to Diomedes, who began taking measurements. As the Paladin grimaced, Jack gestured for us to sit at a nearby table.

 

"I'd like to have you two accompany us on an upcoming mission," Jack said as he slid into his chair. "Tanith, I'm not sure if anyone's told you, but the Paladins of Xan have struck up an alliance with Oren's ISA. We're planning to work together to combat the Inferi threat."

 

"Oh!" I exclaimed, my eyebrows shooting up. "Well, that's good... Pardon me if I seem surprised. I thought the Canon regarded you all as heretics..."

 

"All of that petty nonsense falls by the wayside whenever there's a real threat," Jack snorted, waving his hand. "They can deny Xan if they like, but I couldn't care less either way. Not when there's Inferi knocking at our door. Our oath to Xan is about protecting mortals from these threats whether they like it or not. I'm just glad they're willing to cooperate this time."

 

With that, he pulled a map from his satchel and spread it out on the table in front of us.

 

"There's rumors of Inferi incursions in the south seas. So we're taking a boat. The Queen Dawn's Revenge. It's equipped with four large ballistae. A mobile fortress." He traced his finger along the ship's intended route. "We'll be sailing south and setting up a camp along the coast of the Queen's Islands. You remember them, Tanith. Where we fought the giant bird so long ago."

 

"I do!" I chimed.

 

"Good. I want you along because of your water magic. Do you think you can tell me a bit more about it?" Jack let out a weak chuckle. "I confess, I don't know exactly what it is you do."

 

"It's evocation," I said. "Voidal magic."

 

"And you can make water and ice?"

 

I nodded. "Easily!"

 

"How much?"

 

I paused in thought for a moment, tapping a finger to my chin. "Well, it depends on how much time I'm given," I mused. "I can summon quite a lot, but it requires focus and effort. The more I pull from the void, the more time it'll take. I can't just create a tidal wave out of nowhere, you know..."

 

"Noted. I'll be sure to let you know what we need in advance, then," Jack replied. "Can people drink it, your water? We might need you to top off our supplies."

 

My shoulders slumped. "Ah, no. It disappears once it's out of my line of sight, I'm afraid," I sighed. "It would be a lot more useful if you could drink it."

 

Jack let out a ragged groan. "There goes that plan. Oh well. We'll still have you along on the initial expedition regardless. I can think of a dozen situations where we might need a water mage," he said. "We plan to leave in a Saint's Week, so -- Icroth -- take the time to adjust to your new leg and prepare. I want you in fighting shape when we leave."

 

"As you say, sir," Icroth replied. He glanced toward the forge where Velenius and Diomedes were hammering away. "When will it be finished?"

 

"It may be a few days," Jack warned. "Between smithing the leg, getting it fitted, placing the proper enchantments on it. We'll need you nearby for adjustments, so you're not going anywhere til it's done. But I'll set you up with a room here while you wait." He rose from his chair and gestured for us to follow him.

 

You wouldn't know it, but the fortress at Luxem is actually far larger than it appears. Above ground, it's a piddling little castle that seems ready to fall over any second. Crumbling walls, rotten beams. But below ground, it's a labyrinthine series of tunnels with hundreds of tiny nooks, crannies, and secret rooms. Jack gave us beds up in one of the barracks (of which there seemed to be many!) and left us to our own devices.

 

So it seems we're staying at Luxem for now - at least until Icroth's leg is complete. It's not a bad place. A little cold, but I don't mind it. I'm just happy that Icroth will soon be back on his feet. No pun intended, of course.

 

What else has been going on in my life lately?

 

Celestine recently asked me if I might teach a one-day lecture class at our Reza Museum. I agreed to do it, even though I've never taught anything before. I figured perhaps I'd just get up on the podium and talk about my memories. Ah, is it wrong to hope no one shows up? I'm nervous thinking about all those eyes on me at once!

 

(Celestine isn't mad that I told Jack about our expeditions, thank God! She doesn't seem to like the Paladins, but she said she'd work with them if we ever decide to go back. Sir Wittenbach wants to continue the exploration into the Nether, but Celestine seems... hesitant. I understand why, especially after what happened to poor Icroth.)

 

It seems I'm developing a reputation as a historical scholar. I got a strange letter from Victor Halcourt the other day. Mr. Halcourt is the new Minister of Civil Affairs. In his letter, he expressed an admiration for my academic writing and asked me to apply for a professorship at the University of Helena. A professor! Me! I can't even imagine such a thing. But I didn't want to snub Mr. Halcourt's generous offer, so I filled out the application and sent it back. I wonder if they'll actually hire me...

 

I worry sometimes that people think I'm smarter than I actually am. I've lived a long time, to be sure. But in terms of education, there's not a great deal to recommend me. Not to mention my memory is... imperfect. There are gaps where I barely remember anything at all. Sometimes I wonder how much of my memory is just fabricated by my imagination.

 

I've never taught anyone anything before -- yet so many people seem to think they can learn something from me.

 

There is one subject where I feel fairly secure in my knowledge, though. Ever since our expedition to the Nether, I've grown more confident in my arcane abilities. My water evocation saved our skins on more than one occasion. I might not know much about the fundamentals of magical theory and science, but... I've been practicing my particular magic for hundreds of years. Surely I have something I could pass down. Could I offer to tutor students in water evocation? Aha, it's funny just imagining it! Tanith's magic school.

 

Celestine mentioned that the Sutican magic school doesn't offer water evocation classes... Perhaps I'll corner the market!

 

Entry 74 --
1781 IST.
 

Spoiler

Oh, what a happy day! What an exciting day! I’m thrilled to pieces!

 

We had one of our regular NGS meetings scheduled for today. I thought about not going -- what with Icroth’s leg situation -- but Icroth insisted. Jack fixed him up with a temporary wooden peg-leg while the Diomedes and Velenius put the finishing touches on his Xannic limb. The peg leg isn’t much good, but it’s better than the crutches, and at least Icroth can walk around unaided now. We made the hike down from Luxem to Reza for the meeting. And goodness, I’m so very glad we did!

 

The NGS had a number of announcements on the docket. The first was that Mr. Napier and Sir Wittenbach were making arrangements to secure a research vessel for us! Mr. Napier recently joined the Imperial Navy as an officer and he decided to get a boat commissioned specifically for the NGS. Sir Wittenbach, the brilliant engineer that he is, will be designing it specifically to suit our needs. Moreover, it will be a steamship! No sails needed! My, what a marvel of modern technology!

 

Celestine had some concerns regarding our relationship to the Navy. The Navy offered to help fund and crew our research vessel, but they had a few conditions. One, a member of the NGS would be commissioned as a naval officer. Two, the ship might be seized by the Navy at any time and used in battle if necessary. I’m not sure I liked those stipulations. It’s not fair for the government to take our boat away any time they like. We decided we’d debate the issue at our next meeting, so as not to take up too much time.

 

Zodd Calliban, a member of our Exploration Corps, delivered a shipment of Daemonsteel weapons and armor today! They’ll be used for any upcoming expeditions into the Nether. It seemed like Celestine wanted to call it quits on our Nether exploration, but maybe Otto changed her mind. She says she wants to keep forging ahead -- but with a smaller, more skilled, more experienced party in tow. She blamed the loss of Icroth’s leg on the unwieldy size of our expedition group. A smaller force would be more agile and more able to traverse the Nether without agitating the local wildlife. I hope she’ll let me continue coming along. Water evocation is a necessity in the Nether and I shudder to think how they would make it without me!

 

And -- Icroth finally got sworn in as a full member of the Circle! Celestine took the podium to announce that he was going to join us. “I would like to formally nominate Icroth Vursur to the Society’s Circle, for his incredibly brave and noble acts in the Nether, as well as for his assistance in the upkeep and maintenance of the Northern Geographical Society’s Helena museum,” she said, smiling at Icroth. “He has proven himself to be an adept explorer and has shown an amazing devotion to the Society! Icroth, if you would, please take the stand and make your introduction.”

 

Icroth returned her smile with a toothy grin of his own. He eased himself onto his feet. “Thank you, Miss Celestine. I’m proud to be a part of such a wonderful group of anthropologists, explorers, and curators. Truly, each of us here brings our own unique skills to solve the Society’s problems.”

 

He leaned on the podium, brow furrowed in thought. “Right, who am I. Icroth Vursur. Paladin of Xan. Proudly betrothed to Tanith. I’ve been involved with the NGS for nearly a decade now. Unofficially, however. The, erm, leg situation is temporary. I’m not getting forever-crippled that easily. As we speak, the Paladins of Xan are forging a replacement for me. All in due time. That about sums it up. Thank you all for having me and I’m honored to be nominated as part of this organization.”

 

We all clapped and cheered - then voted on whether or not to confirm Icroth as a member of our Society. Of course, he received a unanimous vote! I’m so proud of him and I love him so much.

 

From there, we moved onto more personal announcements. “I’ve been thinking,” I said, raising my hand to address the Circle. “Since going to the Nether, I’ve felt a lot more confident in my magical abilities. Goodness, I’ve been doing this for three centuries now. I ought to be confident by now! I think it’s time I pass some of my expertise on. So... if anyone here wants to try their hand at water evocation... I might be interested in accepting a few students!”

 

Zodd’s eyes shot wide open. “Magic? Count me in.”

 

“I -- ” Celestine blinked, stuttering over her words. A big smile appeared on her face. “Tanith, would you be willing to teach me, please?”

 

“Oh, of course! Beyond a doubt for both of you!” I said, clapping my hands delightedly.

 

“Celestine, you’re the one who showed me the voidal hearth in the first place! I simply have to accept you! The three of us will get together and dive right in! Oh, erm... no pun intended, of course.”

 

We made arrangements to meet in the next Saint’s Week and visit the Voidal Heath in Krugmar. Icroth will be coming along too, just for moral support. I couldn’t ask for two better students than my wonderful friends in the NGS!

 

Celestine had one final announcement before she dismissed the meeting. Her cheeks turned pink and she coughed into her hand. “Well...” she said, fiddling with her gloves. “As of today... Otto and I have decided to get married.”

 

I couldn’t stop myself from jumping to my feet in excitement. “Aaaa! Congratulations!” I squealed. “I knew it! I knew he had eyes for you! There’s no way a woman as brilliant and lovely as you could be single forever!”

 

Celestine laughed. “We plan to wed post-haste in a small ceremony. Just a private little thing. Quick and simple with only the Society and perhaps the Barbanovs in attendance. Hopefully as soon as possible -- I don’t want to tread on your toes or upstage you, Tanith.”

 

“What?! Of course not! Don’t even worry about me!” I exclaimed. “What if we had a double wedding, even?!”

 

“Thank you, but -- oh God, no!” Celestine shook her head. “We only want a small thing and I imagine your wedding’s going to be quite the to-do! Everyone in Oren will be coming out to see Tanith get married!”

 

Icroth scoffed. “Truth be told, we’re planning on a small wedding too. We’re not inviting anyone but the NGS and a few personal friends.”

 

“We don’t even have a priest yet,” I mumbled. “It’s a little awkward when neither of us are... Canonist, per se.”

 

“I could officiate it for you,” Otto offered. “Consider it mein wedding gift. I am, after all, a circuit court judge!”

 

“Aah!” I gasped. “Would you? That would be perfect! An NGS wedding! Let’s do it as soon as possible!”

 

With all the happy announcements made, Celestine called the meeting to a close. Icroth and I made our way back to Luxem, our spirits lifted by all the good news. Even Icroth walked with a little more pep in his step! Life in Oren can be difficult at times, but one has to remember all the wonderful things we have to look forward to!

 

Entry 75 --
1781 IST.
 

Spoiler

Something’s rotten in Haelun’or. I’ve learned a number of disturbing things tonight. I must take care and write everything down before I forget it.

Icroth finally got his new leg. It’s beautiful! Polished steel with a burnished brass finish. In the right light, it glows like gold. They modeled the knee joint on a lion’s head - with Icroth’s lightstone socketed in its mouth. Not only is it a masterpiece of smithing, it functions wonderfully too! It moves and rotates just like a natural limb. All in all, Velenius and Diomedes did a stunning job.

The only flaw is that it’s not detachable. That’s going to be a pain when Icroth needs to change his clothes. We’ll have to say goodbye to fitted pants. He’ll need a wide legged trouser to accommodate his prosthetic. Not to mention Icroth and I share a bed. Ugh, I can’t imagine how cold that thing will be brushing up against me at night! And one wonders if it will snag on the sheets... Perhaps I can make a protective bag to put over his leg at bedtime. Failing that, I’ll just need to start sleeping on his right side.

But those are all minor issues, easily overcome. I’m just glad he can walk again and that he’s not permanently disabled. With his leg completed, we were able to return safely home to Helena. The hike down from Luxem definitely put Icroth’s new limb to the test!

When we arrived home, I found a letter from Celestine waiting in the mailbox. She’s been working on her ethnography of Haelun’or. As it turned out, the High Elves were holding a masquerade ball. She invited me to come along and Haelun’or are practically next door neighbors. You can see the rooftop of the Novellen Palace from the spires of Haelun’or.

As always, the High Elves kept their city under tight lock and key. I climbed the steps of Haelun’or to find the gates sealed shut - though I could hear the sounds of a party on the other side. Dozens of guests milled around outside the gate, waiting for their chance to get in. It took nearly half a Saint’s Hour for them to finally admit me. I had to register my name with the guards and undergo a pat down. I understand why they’re cautious, but do I really look that dangerous? I’m just a little old dark elf!

I met Celestine, Chirr, Edward Napier, and Zodd Calliban inside the gates. They were milling around the plaza with drinks in hand. Celestine had a blueberry cocktail waiting for me. “Tanith, so lovely of you to join us!” she quipped with her usual impish smile. But honestly I was just glad to finally be inside the city!

I will say this, the High Elves certainly know how to throw an... interesting party. It was entirely different from Siramenor’s Springmother festival. The High Elves wore tasteful, restrained garments in shades of grey and white. Their masks had an impossible intricacy and delicacy, much different from the wooden, painted, feathered masks of Siramenor. For entertainment, the High Elves had their Kha servants duel in the square. And the food! Oh my. How unique! They had these little hors d’oeuvres called “sushi” made of white rice, seaweed, and RAW fish! That’s right, raw! The “sushis” were piled high in an arrangement the shape of a dragon - and the High Elves ate them with wooden sticks. It was like nothing I had ever seen - or tasted - in Oren. I was afraid to try them at first lest I get intestinal worms, but the Kha chef swore up and down that they were safe to eat.

The five of us - Celestine, Edward, Chirr, Zodd, and me - claimed a table in the ballroom. A dwarf wanderer named Kalgrym joined us and regaled the table with many ribald stories and dirty jokes. He had us all rolling with laughter... except Edward, who objected on the grounds of good taste. I had a few more cocktails. Soon, I was feeling very loose and carefree indeed. Celestine told me the High Elves were notorious alcoholics and they liked their drinks strong. After downing more than a few of those blueberry vodkas, I believed her! I knew I shouldn’t have been drinking - I have a bad tendency to overdo it - but it was a party and I couldn’t resist.

My loose lips nearly ruined our good time, though. As we sat getting drunk and chatting, Zodd asked me a question. “Tanith, has Icroth got his new leg yet?” he asked. “I was wondering if those Paladins might be able to make a replacement for my eye.” He pointed to his right eye, which was covered with a black leather patch.

“Oh my, I’m not actually sure,” I mused, tilting my cocktail glass idly back and forth. The ballroom swayed pleasantly around me. My vision becoming soft and fuzzy. “You’d have to ask Icroth. But, you know, if you want it to work properly, you might need to swear an eternal oath to Xan first...”

I hadn’t noticed it earlier, but there were several horned women - just like Azaerya - walking around the party. One of the horned women froze in place and pivoted toward me. Her eyes glowed with hate. “Never mention that name within my hearing again, ‘ker!’” she barked, startling me so badly that I dropped my drink and spilled it on the table cloth. “If I ever catch you saying a kind word about Xan again, I’ll incinerate you where you stand!” To prove her point, she conjured up a burst of flame in the palm of her hand.

I sat there stunned and speechless! How on earth was I supposed to respond? I looked around to see if anyone else noticed the blatant threat against my life. But all the High Elves avoided my eye. The other members of the NGS sipped their cocktails in awkward silence. The horned woman smirked and dismissed her flame spell before walking away. She disappeared into the crowd and the party went on as though nothing had happened!

“Did... did anyone see that? I didn’t just imagine it, did I? Th-that woman just threatened to light me on fire!” I exclaimed breathlessly to the table.

Edward got up from his chair and put a hand on my shoulder. “Tanith, let’s go talk quietly outside. There’s something you ought to know about Haelun’or,” he implored and I got up to follow him.

Edward led me out to a bench in the nearby garden. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “You must be careful, Tanith,” he warned me. “Don’t speak too loudly about Xan here. Xan and Azdromoth are archenemies.”

“Azdr— what?” I repeated. “Who is Azdromoth? I’ve never heard that name before.”

“He’s... a dragon of a certain reputation among these parts. Patron of the Azdrazi. The Azdrazi are... women like the one who threatened you. With the horns,” Edward explained. My eyes widened. Before tonight, I thought the dragons had all gone extinct long ago. But it seems I was wrong. “They’re Dragon-folk. Haelun’or has placed itself under the protection of Azdromoth and his Azdrazi. They revere him as a great power... not quite a God, but close.”

“Why do they hate Xan so much?” I asked Edward. “That woman was ready to kill me just for the crime of... saying his name! Edward, be honest... am I safe here?”

Edward breathed in deeply and let out a long, ragged sigh. “Tanith, the High Elves are short-sighted fools who’ve given themselves in bondage to a very powerful, very wicked being. There’s no such thing as a good dragon, yet they’ve allowed themselves to be won over by charms and gifts and... God knows what else. Foul things.”

“Foul things?” I echoed back.

“Azdromoth appears in the guise of a man. And he seduces women and men both into his twisted harems with promises of power and sorcery. All of his servants claim to have... intimate relationships with him,” Edward continued. “He demands worship, obedience, loyalty... and in exchange, he grants his followers power, strength, and magic. The Azdrazi are highly skilled warriors, but their devotion to Azdromoth turns them away from God.”

I gasped, putting a scandalized hand to my lips. “You can’t be serious!”

“Franziska was able to resist thanks to her good Canonist spirit. She -- thank God -- has not sprouted horns. But Azdromoth invited her into his inner sanctum and... made his demands. Worship, obedience, fealty...”

“Her body?” I ventured, frightened of the answer.

“It’s possible. Even probable,” Edward replied. “He asked her to turn away from God and thankfully she refused.”

“This seems... immoral, Edward!” I whispered harshly. “Lecherous and depraved!”

“It’s the cult worship of a dragon, Tanith,” Edward said. “What do you expect? The dragon’s nature is one of profound and wicked greed. Not all of them lust after gold and jewels. Some hunger for a much different kind of power.”

“Why have the High Elves given themselves over to this... thing?” I asked.

Edward shook his head. “Tanith, I confess I am biased against the High Elves for... reasons I won’t get into now, but...” he paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “I see them as sick, cowardly fools. They sold themselves for safety against the Inferi, not knowing that they’ve potentially opened themselves up to an even greater threat. They could have pushed for Elven strength and unity. But why bother with the hassle of diplomacy and compromise when they can simply wave their hand and have a dragon take care of it?”

“But this is sick, Edward! What this dragon is doing! He’s turning people away from God, having them worship him instead! Brainwashing people and corrupting their bodies in his likeness!”

“It is sick, Tanith, but the Mali’aheral are a sick people,” Edward replied. “For centuries, they lived under despotic rule. And now they’ve traded one tyrant for another. For all their knowledge, the Mali’aheral have a profound lack of wisdom and clarity of thought. These libraries, gardens, elegant buildings, fine clothes... it is a paper-thin facade. And you can feel it. What have the centuries of ‘purity’ and ‘isolation’ won them? Slavery to a draconic beast! And I assure you... it will not serve them well in the end. Come what may with this Inferi business, my prediction is that Azdromoth will turn on them when the timing suits him. It is the dragon’s nature... and the High Elves will suffer greatly for their foolishness.”

“I feel... so sorry for them,” I muttered.

“I certainly don’t,” Edward replied.

“But this brings us back to Xan. Why do they hate him so fiercely?” I questioned.

“Mmmmn...” Edward stroked his moustache in thought. “The Paladins. You mustn’t take this the wrong way, Tanith, but I have my reservations about them as well. They, too, have sometimes fallen for the perversions of corrupt, but charismatic leaders.”

“Have they?” I raised an eyebrow. “I’m not familiar with their history myself...”

“It’s in the past, long ago,” Edward said. “They’re in a fine station now under Jack’s leadership.”

“Oh, you’ve met Jack!”

“Once or twice,” Edward replied. “Jack is a good fellow and an excellent leader. But regardless of their history, the Paladins of Xan typically have one singular goal in mind. They identify the forces of evil... and they destroy them. And Azdromoth... well... One can guess as to their diagnosis of him.”

“If what you’re saying is true,” I began, “then I don’t blame them at all for thinking that. How long has Azdromoth been occupying Haelun’or?”

“A few years,” Edward told me. “This is very recent.”

“Then I can only hope the problem is dealt with before it gets worse...”

Edward and I talked for a while more, though we ended up wandering off topic and discussing more personal matters. He’s thinking of buying some land for a cattle ranch in Kaedrin. His orcish wife is pregnant and Edward fears that academia alone won’t support their burgeoning family. I’ve worked on several farms in my life, so I gave him some advice.

After chatting a little while longer, we met up with Celestine and Chirr again at the library. By then, though, the hour had begun to grow late. We bid each other goodnight and set out for home.

Icroth was still awake, reading by lamplight, when I returned home. He noticed my perturbed expression as I undressed and readied for bed.

“Something’s on your mind,” he observed as I climbed under the sheets next to him and settled down on the pillow. “Did you not enjoy the party?”

“Does the name Azdromoth mean anything to you?” I asked him quietly.

Icroth slowly closed his book and set it on the bedside table. “It does, aye.”

“Has Jack ever mentioned him?”

Icroth nodded. “Last Saint’s Day, in fact. A dragon. Somebody one of our Paladins had been... intimate with. And because of that, she was outcast from our Order.”

I sat up. “That sounds exactly like what Edward told me about!” I nearly shouted. “A dragon seducing and brainwashing women, turning them into horned dragon-folk. And the High Elves simply... rolled out the red carpet for this awful creature and let it take over their city!”

Icroth went quiet for a while, staring at me with a perturbed expression. He leaned forward, lowering his voice. “Tell me everything,” he said -- and that’s exactly what I did.

When I finished my story, Icroth leaned back against the pillows and exhaled heavily through his nose. “The High Elves are making a grave and foolish mistake,” he said at length, knitting his fingers and resting them upon his midsection “Dragons are not to be trusted or fraternized with. This news only affirms my faith in Xan.”

“Should we talk to Jack?” I suggested.

“I’m certain Jack already knows,” Icroth replied. “He’s likely working on a plan to deal with the threat. But this is still unsettling and I’ll pass along what you’ve heard. It might be useful information.”

I gave a nod and sank back down into my pillows. I pressed my face into the downy cushion.

“Why is it always elven women, Icroth?” I lamented. “It’s always elven women! The Emperor and his harem of elven women! Azdromoth and his cult of elven women! Do you have any idea how that makes me feel, as an elven woman? It’s simply... disgusting!”

Icroth smiled tenderly and laid a hand on my shoulder. “If it makes you feel better, my dear,” he said, softly and gently, “I think you’re far too old and frumpy for their taste.”

“Frumpy!” I bellowed at him.

He broke into a toothy grin. “But that’s just how I like my women.”

I’m happy to report I grabbed a pillow and punished Icroth thoroughly for his transgressions. Bah! Sometimes I can’t believe I’m marrying this man! He’s lucky I love him so much.

I wonder what will happen, though. The Inferi are a far more pressing threat than Azdromoth, but... can we simply let him slide for now? What of these strange horned women - the Azdrazi? I wonder if Azaerya is one of them. It seems likely... We made plans to meet up and reminisce not too long ago. If I talked to her, would she tell me more about her mysterious master?

Entry 76 –
1781 IST.
 

Spoiler

Ah, I got myself into some trouble again today…

Icroth had some paladin business to attend to, so he left me to my own devices today. Our wedding at the museum is coming up very soon, so I figured I would use my time to make some final preparations. We still needed some refreshments for the reception and flowers! I withdrew a little bit of money from my bank account and went down to the newly-opened Helena Bazaar to see what they had on offer.

After shopping around for a while, I started to get hungry. Without a cloud in the sky and warm, pleasant temperatures, it seemed like the ideal day to go on a picnic.

What a mistake that turned out to be!

I left Helena and took a right down the road. There’s a gorgeous field of wildflowers near a river and a bridge - and that’s where I decided to picnic.

I was almost to my destination when, out of nowhere, I heard a voice shout ‘Halt!’ Before I knew it, I was surrounded by men and women in masks! “Give us your flowers!” they demanded in harsh, gravelly voices. “Give us your fawkin’ flowers!”

Now, I’ll admit I’ve never been bandited before, but… don’t bandits usually demand minas and other valuables? Jewelry and such? Yet here I was, being held at swordpoint over flowers. Normally, I might have been frightened but… well, honestly, I mostly just felt confused!

“Can’t you pick the flowers over there?” I said, nodding my head in the direction of the meadow. “There’s a huge field of them not too far away…”

The leader of the bandits, a man in a chicken mask wielding a crossbow, grunted. “I’d rather have yours,” he said. “Just give us your stuff and you won’t be harmed.”

I’ve always heard that, if you’re being robbed, the best thing to do is just throw your valuables on the ground and run. I set my picnic basket - which was unfortunately also full of the things I’d purchased for the wedding - down on the ground and backed away from the group. The bandits swiftly snatched up my basket and took off, leaving me alive and unharmed as promised.

The whole encounter left me a bit flummoxed. Why on earth did they want my flowers? I determined that it must be a strange new banditry technique. People don’t expect bandits to try and rob you of your flowers. When you hear ‘Halt! Hand over your flowers!’ - why, you’re so confused, you can’t help but stop!

With no picnic, I doubled back to Helena to report what had happened. Luckily, I found Sir Othaman - the captain of the ISA - patrolling the streets near the tavern. “Excuse me, Sir Othaman?” I said, tapping him on the shoulder. He turned around, lifting an eyebrow. “I’d like to report a robbery if it’s not too much trouble.”

“A robbery?” he asked. “Where?”

“I was walking outside the city when a group of bandits stopped me,” I explained. “They were shouting about flowers, which I thought was rather bizarre… Their leader wore a chicken mask and had a crossbow.”

Sir Othaman’s face twisted into a grimace of recognition. “Are vy *******–” He swallowed the curse word, not wanting to swear around a lady. But I could see his face turning practically scarlet with anger. He’s Raevir and Raevir men tend to be pale. Sir Othaman went as red as a ripe tomato! “Are vy talking about the damned Flower Bandits? We ARRESTED those men just yesterday and the Ministry of Justice let them go with a slap on the wrist! What did they steal?”

“Just my picnic basket, sir,” I said, doing my best to calm him. “Nothing very important! I’m not too upset about it…”

My placations seemingly did nothing.

“SERGEANT!” Othaman bellowed, his voice as deep and loud as a thunderstorm. A nearby ISA officer hurried to the captain’s side. (I recognized him! I think he’s the one who helped me with that madwoman Tara a few months ago!) “We are going bandit hunting IMMEDIATELY. It’s those God-forsaken Flower Bandits again. This time, we will take care of them once and for all!”

“Pfft. This is what happens when we hand bandits off to the MoJ,” the ISA sergeant scoffed. “I’ll rally the men, sir.”

Sir Othaman turned toward me, taking a slow breath. His expression softened. “Spasiba, Miss Tanith,” he said. (That is the Raevir word for ‘thank you,’ I think.) “Any bandits in the Imperium will be dealt with swiftly. Yam apologize for the inconvenience. Yam will make sure vy are compensated. Come with me.”

Would you believe it? Sir Othaman took me to the bank and withdrew money from his own personal account to compensate me for what I lost! He handed me a one-hundred mark note.

“Yam hope this will cover it,” he said. “If vy would, please remain nearby so that we can bring vy in to identify the bandits once we’ve rounded them up.”

“I’ll be in the tavern, I suppose,” I said, remembering how hungry I was. My picnic was ruined, but hopefully, I could still get something to eat in the Dragon’s Rest.

Sir Othaman gave a singular nod and a bow before hurrying off.

With nothing else to do, I made my way over to the Dragon’s Rest tavern. Today, the place stood mostly empty. Since the bazaar opened, it seems as though the Dragon’s Rest has lost some of its business. I placed an order with the barmaid and looked around for a place to sit.

The only other patron was a young elf by the name of James Chapel. He was sitting by himself at a table on the tavern’s patio, watching the people go by. I’ve encountered him a few times around Helena before. As evidenced by his name, he’s another elf who was born and raised in the Empire. Like me, he recently came to the city to find himself. We’d had a few friendly chats in the past, so I made my way over to his table. “Hello, Mr. Chapel! Would you mind if I sat with you while I ate?”

“Fancy meeting you again, Miss Tanith,” James mused. He was toying idly with a fork. Not eating or drinking anything. I sympathized with him. I remember coming to the city and being too broke to buy dinner. “You’re welcome to keep me company. If I wanted to sit alone, I’d stay in my apartment.”

“Are you hungry? It’s about lunchtime,” I said.

By then, the barmaid had brought my food over. I felt a little strange eating in front of James. (I had a slice of battalia pie with gravy and capers.) “I could buy you something.”

“Quite all right,” he replied. “Watching my figure, you know.” He smirked and patted his bicep. Needless to say, James has the typical build for an elven man. He’s as narrow and slender as a sapling - and did not have much bicep to speak of. “Madame director would kill me if I put on too much weight and couldn’t fit into the costume anymore.”

I brightened. “That’s right! I’ve been seeing posters around town for that new show, Lorin + Augustus,” I said. “I noticed your name among the cast list! I didn’t know you were an actor.”

James shrugged. “I didn’t either, to be quite honest,” he replied. “But here I am. Truly a city of opportunity, right? Any eccentric elf from an obscure backwater farming village can come here and, within a short time, achieve his dearly-held dream of holding a bit part in a theatrical production where all he has to do is grimace at the audience!”

I blinked. “Oh dear. I take it you’re… not enjoying your part in the play?”

“On the contrary,” James replied with a grin. “I am enjoying it immensely. It’s better than a front-row seat.”

“Ah, well, if nothing else… it’s an opportunity to work your way up the ladder, no?” I posited. “A bit part today, but a big part tomorrow! And you’ll get to rub elbows with all the other cast members. What do they call it? A networking opportunity?”

“Indeed. I’m looking at a number of career possibilities,” James replied. “Actor perhaps being one of them. But I’m trying to be open, as madame director emphasized that the funding for the production is rather tight.”

“Hehe, I understand that very well,” I said with a self-deprecating smile. “I’m an academic myself. Not a great deal of money there either. Oren tends to neglect its arts and education. What other avenues are you pursuing?”

“I applied to join up with a law firm,” James said, playing with the fork. “I’m here waiting to meet with a contact who said he’d help get me through law school if it interested me.”

“Oh, fascinating! The ORC is very intricate,” I answered. “Have you studied it much in the past?”

“No, not at all. I figured I ought to start after the ISA put me in handcuffs and fined me two-hundred-fifty marks for climbing around on the rooftops,” James quipped. “When one is in a new city, it’s likely good practice to familiarize yourself with its laws. When in Helena, do as the Helenes do – as they say.”

Before I could respond, I felt a gauntleted hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Sir Othaman looming behind me. “Miss Tanith, if vy would accompany me to the Bastille, your presence is needed. The bandits have been apprehended.”

I bid James goodbye and headed over to the Bastille with Sir Othaman. This is the second time I’ve been to the Bastille and it was no less intimidating. Sir Othaman lead me down to the holding cells where he had three of the four bandits locked up. “I’ll show vy to the interrogation room, Miss Tanith,” he said, leading me into a cramped little cell with low lighting. I had to squint my eyes just to see where I was going. “We’ll bring the bandits in one by one and vy can identify them.”

I was worried I might not be able to recognize the bandits with their masks off, but luckily, that wasn’t an issue. The first man they brought in was the man with the chicken mask. I was able to identify him immediately. “That’s most certainly one of them,” I told Sir Othaman. “I think he might be the ring leader. He was giving most of the orders. He held me at crossbow point and ordered the other ones to search me.”

“Holding a citizen at crossbow point,” Sir Othaman growled. “Robbery and assault.”

The man in the chicken mask glared at me through the tiny holes where his eyes should be. “This woman doesn’t know nothing,” he denied. “I ain’t the ringleader of anything. Never seen her before in my life.”

Sir Othaman’s face turned scarlet red again. “Last time vy lads were in here…” he growled, reaching for the knife on his belt, “the Ministry of Justice was kind enough to let vy go… But this time…” He suddenly slammed the dagger down on the table, piercing the wood with the sharpened blade. “Vy will nie be so lucky!”

I jumped in fright as he did that – but the bandit seemed unmoved. “Ooh, real scary with your little pokey stick! Big fella!” the man in the chicken mask squawked mockingly. “Where’d you get it, your ma’s kitchen? My kid sister plays with bigger knives!”

“Recruit!” Sir Othaman shouted at a nearby ISA officer. “Take this one back to his cell! Bring in the next one.”

I watched as Sir Othaman reached into his coat and pulled out a flask. He took a quick nip before stowing it away. “Sir,” I ventured cautiously. “Don’t you think you’re maybe being a bit harsh…? All they did was steal a picnic basket. You seem a little bit… high-strung.”

“High-strung? Me?” Sir Othaman laughed - and truth be told, he sounded a bit manic. “Never. This is standard treatment for criminals who break the Empire’s hard-won peace, Miss Tanith.”

They brought the other bandits in, one by one, and I identified them for the ISA. The Flower Bandits all wore distinctive and unique masks, so it was easy for me to recognize them. Even so, I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable over how they were being treated. The guards pushed them around and handled them roughly. Sir Othaman and his lieutenant casually threw around death threats. Once the last bandit was positively identified, I asked if I could leave. Sir Othaman had one of the soldiers escort me out of the Bastille.

By the time I left, I was thoroughly shaken up by everything I’d heard, seen, and experienced. All I wanted to do today was go shopping and have a picnic! And somehow I ended up in the belly of the Bastille, watching an interrogation play out!

I wandered back by the tavern and found James lingering at his table outside. “Oh dear, James, are you still waiting?”

He clenched his teeth and let out a little hiss of breath. “Maybe.”

I frowned at him. He’d been hanging around for quite a few hours now. “I don’t think your contact is coming, James…”

“It could be a test,” James suggested. “You know. Keep them waiting. Weed out the unworthy. See who is willing to stick around.”
“That’d be a waste of both his time and yours,” I replied.

“Hypothetically, yes,” James answered. “But in truth, I’d probably be sitting here anyway just to watch the people go by anyway.”

“Would you like to come shopping with me?” I asked. “I need someone to help carry the cakes over to my wedding venue.”

“Well, that’s a good deal more interesting than my current occupation,” James said, getting up from his seat. “Let’s go.”

He’s a nice young man, James Chapel. If nothing else, he helped save me from a completely rotten day. I gave him an invitation to the wedding and I hope he comes. It seemed like he was having a fairly rotten day himself. Here’s hoping he finds the career he’s looking for. I know how hard it can be here in Helena sometimes.

 

Entry 77 –
1781 IST.

 

Spoiler

Today, I made a promise.

A long life like mine is full of promises, many of them broken. Many of which I do not even remember. I can’t tell you what words I said a hundred, two hundred, three hundred or more years ago. What vows I made and to whom. Whether or not those promises were kept. All of that is lost now. But today, I made a promise that I am never going to forget. A vow I am never going to break. Before God and man and all the airy spirits that dwell both here and the Void, I promised to love him until the day we both leave this world.

Today, I married Icroth Vursur.

We had a small ceremony in the Natural History Hall at the Reza museum. The nice thing about civil unions in Oren is that you can hold them anywhere you like, not just in a church. I’m told that we are the first couple ever to be married under Oren’s Civil Union Law. As non-Canonist nonhumans, we don’t… exactly qualify for marriage. But a civil union is functionally the same and we still get to call each other husband and wife. I’m glad we chose the museum for our venue. No place could have been more appropriate for the two of us! Not to mention, the Natural History Hall is just breathtaking with its glowing skylight and its enormous aquarium filled with tropical fish. Otto Wittenbach oversaw our union as a circuit court judge. He went the extra mile and decorated everything up so pretty - a little altar in front of the big aquarium and a long banquet table in the center of the hall! He even went to the trouble of setting out silverware and arranging the buffet!

Otto really is a wonderful friend and I wouldn’t have chosen anyone else to officiate our ceremony.

Several of our friends showed up to watch our nuptials – Celestine (of course), Edward Napier, Zodd Calliban, Chirr, Edward Galbraith, James Chapel. Funnily enough, a few stray museum guests wandered in on the ceremony too! I didn’t mind – the more the merrier, as they say! Icroth and I had agreed to keep things small and I couldn’t be more pleased with the results.
I want to write down our vows so I don’t forget them. Maybe, on our future anniversaries, we can go back and recite them to each other again.

I’ll never forget how Icroth looked standing with me at the altar. It was the first time I’d ever seen him dressed up in formal clothes – and my! I always knew I was marrying a handsome Mali… but he certainly cleans up well! He wore a smart blue coat with gold trim and well-fitted tan trousers. His hands in soft, black leather gloves with polished boots on his feet. But the most wonderful thing of all was his face. That tender, loving look in his eyes and the soft smile on his lips. I gazed at him and I just felt my heart overflowing with all the love in the world. His is the face I want to wake up next to for the rest of my life - all the hundreds of years I have remaining. No matter what he wears or what he looks like, that face is what I adore the most.

When Otto called on us to exchange our vows, I took Icroth’s hands in mine and looked into those pale, Robin’s Egg eyes. I said to him –

“Several years ago, I turned five hundred years old. I never thought I would reach that age. On the day I passed that fateful mark, you were there with me. We sat on the banks of a sparkling pond and you made me a promise that you would always be with me, come what may. Ever since you told me those words, I’ve kept your promise in my heart. And I know there is no one I would rather spend the centuries with than you, Icroth Vursur. I prayed so long for God to send me someone who could stay by my side throughout the long centuries… someone who was perfect for me in every way – and I have no doubt that it’s you. Marriage is a serious promise for us elves. One I don’t make lightly. I’m sure you’re the one intended for me just as I am intended for you. And may that always be until the day we leave this world.

As your wife, I swear to love you forever - in this world and in the one beyond - and stay ever faithful by your side. The years will undoubtedly change us, but I welcome every change as a chance to fall in love with you all over again. Every version of you, from now until eternity, will have the foremost place in my heart. Because even if we change, our love for each other will always be unchanging. And that’s my solemn vow to you today.”

Icroth squeezed my hands lovingly before he began his own vows.

“Dearest Tanith, I know that on the day we first met, I was perhaps the last mali that you’d ever consider marrying. But, I am so glad that our initial instincts both proved wrong. Over time, I have grown so close to you - first as a friend, and then as a lover. While I never foresaw this path when I returned to Helena, I cannot begin to express how happy I am that you are a part of my life, forever, now.

Tanith, I swear unto you, eternal loyalty and commitment. I shall, for all of my days, be by your side, in sickness or in health, for everything that life throws at us. Just as it is serious for you, it is for me. We’re in this together.”

And… needless to say, but he gave me the most wonderful kiss. It wasn’t a long one - just a brief, sweet kiss. But in that little kiss – I felt all the joys of Heaven.

God really did listen to my prayers and send me the perfect companion - the soulmate meant for me. I’m so happy. I’m happy I met him here and now. If I’d met Icroth when I was younger, I don’t think I would have been ready. Hundreds of years ago, I still hated myself and my people. I was wounded and broken in so many different ways. It took time for me to heal and time to love him in the way he deserves to be loved. All my experience led me here, to be with him - to be prepared for the lifelong commitment I made with him today. I’m marrying him with no uncertainty and no reservations in my heart. This is what is meant to be. This is the love that God gave to me.

At the reception, everyone asked us what we planned to do next. Whether or not we intended to go on a honeymoon. If we’d talked about having children. If we were looking at buying a house together. A lot of things are still up in the air, especially with the Inferi invasion and the threat of an oncoming apocalypse. But Icroth and I are going to face the future with confidence, hand in hand. Throughout my life, love is the thing that has helped me endure the most hardship. Thanks to Icroth, I will always be able to rely on his love to see me through even the darkest times.

We didn’t ask anyone to bring us gifts, but a few people brought things anyway! Zodd Calliban made me a stunning magic wand. He hand-carved it from white barkwood. It’s so pale and pretty! The polished wood catches the light and it seems to glow, as if it were a sliver of the moon. At the tip of the handle, he whittled a white rose. It perfectly matched my wedding dress, as I wore a crown of white roses in my hair! He gave Icroth a Daemonsteel spear - perfect for battling against the Inferi and the beasts of the Nether. Edward gave me an adorable little trinket as well - a locket engraved with the Helena skyline. Icroth and I met in Helena. Thanks to this locket, even after Helena is long gone, he and I will be able to look back and remember the city that’s so dear to the both of us.

As of today, I’m officially Tanith Vursur! Doesn’t it sound wonderful? I’m Tanith Vursur and I’ll be Tanith Vursur for the rest of my life.

Entry 78 –
1782 IST.

 

Spoiler

I’m worried that Celestine might be making a mistake. I know other peoples’ lives and relationships are not my business. If I had any good sense, I’d keep my commentary to myself. No good ever comes from butting in and being nosy. Yet at the same time, I can’t help it. I care about my friend and her happiness.

It seems to me like Celestine and Otto got engaged completely out of the blue. They agreed to marry without much courtship or romance prior. Of course, I was over-the-moon excited for them when I first heard the news. But now, looking back, I’m concerned they might have rushed in blindly. Icroth and I were together for years before we decided to marry – but elves have the luxury of time, whereas humans do not. But regardless of race, one still needs to take it slow in love and make sure it’s the right choice before stampeding full-on into a lifetime commitment. Celestine and Otto have been friends and co-leaders of the NGS for a very long time… but does that mean they’ll function as a romantic couple?

Celestine and Otto invited Icroth and me to attend their wedding today. It should have been a happy occasion, but the whole event left me feeling strangely uneasy.

For one, the Bishop they recruited for the ceremony was just an awful fellow. I believe he called himself Benedict. He didn’t even know the names of the two individuals he was marrying! The first thing he did when he stood up on the altar was to ask the bride and groom who they were as if it were his first time meeting them!

Moreover, he interrupted the ceremony to chastise people in the pews for whispering. He left the altar mid-wedding and walked down into the aisles to scold someone! Poor Celestine and Otto simply had to stand there and wait until the Bishop finished his tirade!

Secondly, the wedding was so small and perfunctory… It hardly seemed like a celebration at all. Icroth and I had a small wedding too, but we still wanted it to feel special. I wore a beautiful white gown and a crown of roses in my hair. Icroth dressed to the nines in a new suit. We had cake and a special dinner with our friends afterward. Celestine and Otto just had a short, truncated, little wedding ceremony with no reception and hardly anyone in attendance. Besides Icroth and me, there were only two other people to witness the union. It felt rushed and… secretive somehow. As if they just wanted to get it over with. I’m not saying that you need a big, fancy wedding in order for a marriage to be valid. That’s ridiculous, of course not. But it felt odd for the two leaders of the NGS to have such rushed, furtive nuptials. Especially since Celestine is so popular and beloved by so many! I know half of Arcas would have wanted to see her get married!

Celestine seemed quiet and thoughtful after the ceremony too. I approached the couple after the wedding to give them a little present and my congratulations. One of the other few guests had given Celestine a rose. She had a wistful look on her face as she studied the flower and I knew immediately who she was thinking of. Juan Lyons, the fiance she lost all those years ago. How many times had Juan clenched a rose in his teeth and swirled her around on the dance floor?

I gave the couple my wedding present - a purse with some eight hundred marks in it. Perhaps not the most thoughtful gift, but a practical one. After all, what do you get for a couple who already has everything? Celestine took the purse and then drew me aside so that we could talk quietly without Otto overhearing us.

“After Juan, I didn’t think I would ever want to do this again,” she said to me in whispers. “In fact, I told you that I was resigned to spinsterhood…”

“I understand, but…” I replied, just as softly, “Otto, he’s a wonderful man. And I can tell he thinks you hung the moon.”

“I do love him,” Celestine murmured, glancing down once more at the rose in her hand. “It’s not in the same way I loved Juan. But even still, I couldn’t imagine a life without him. It’s better that we spend what time we have left together.”

Her words gave me pause. I looked into Celestine’s face and tried to divine her true feelings. Maybe I misinterpreted what she was saying, but… it seemed to me like she did not love Otto at all. She cared for him, certainly, and loved him as a friend. But the intense bond that she shared with Juan was not there. Her marriage to Otto was not born of ardor and romance – a passionate unity of souls – but rather it arose out of fear. Celestine’s fear of her advancing age, that she might miss out on motherhood and family if she didn’t settle down. She wasn’t rapturously in love with Otto, but he would suffice. He would be a decent father and husband - kind, patient, intelligent, understanding - even if she wasn’t desperately, passionately in love with him the way she loved Juan.

I tried my best to offer her some comfort. “…If there’s one thing I’ve learned, living as long as I have, having as many loves as I’ve had…” I started, “It’s that love is new and different every time. It’s always changing form. Just when you think you’ve grasped it, it shifts. What you had with Juan was unique… and can’t be replaced. But what you have with Otto is special too. They’re not substitutes for one another, but rather something new and wonderful each by themselves.”

Celestine forced a smile. “You’re right as usual, of course,” she muttered - and I could tell that something was troubling her down in her soul. Celestine often wears a smile when she’d rather be crying.

“Do you still want to learn magic?” I asked her suddenly, changing the subject. “When you get back from your honeymoon, let’s head to the Voidal Heath. Just the two of us.”

Her smile brightened noticeably. “Of course!” she said with enthusiasm. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world! In all honesty, I’d prefer it that way. Just us two.”

I nodded before handing her back off to Otto. As the two exited the church, arm in arm, I watched Celestine’s face. She smiled warmly at her new husband. But in my mind, I couldn’t help but compare it to the way she used to look at Juan Lyons. How she and Juan both seemed to light up when they saw each other. Celestine doesn’t glow like that when she looks at Otto.

None of this is my business, though. Celestine says that she loves Otto, so I should take her at her word. Otto will be a good husband and a good father to be sure. He adores Celestine and I know she cares about him deeply too. They’ll have a perfectly pleasant marriage together.

But will Celestine be happy with this? A marriage that is functional, serviceable, if not necessarily passionate? It’s hard to say and only time will tell.

And there’s the chance that I could be misunderstanding everything. Celestine clearly still misses Juan, but that doesn’t mean she can’t love Otto just as much. I’ve only seen Celestine and Otto from the outside. Perhaps when they’re alone together, their relationship is different.

I shouldn’t cast doubt on what is likely a happy, healthy union. I hope for their sake that I’m wrong about everything I’ve written here.

Entry 79 –
1782 IST.
 

Spoiler

I’m writing this entry from the heart of the Voidal Heath deep in the deserts of Krugmar. Celestine and I ventured out here so that I could connect her to the energies of the Void and allow her to start learning evocation magic. Right now, Celestine is lying unconscious on a bedroll in our tent. It’s been a few hours since we did the ritual and she hasn’t woken up yet. Truth be told, I’m nervous. I studied up on the voidal connection ritual while Celestine was on her honeymoon and I’m sure that I did it correctly. They say it’s normal for students to pass out the first time that they connect to the arcane realm. Even so, this is my first attempt at doing anything like this. I’ve never taught magic before, so I’m naturally a bit on edge. The last thing I want is to mess up and hurt my friend!

In the early days of Asulon and Aegis, connecting to the Void was a trivial matter that only required meditation and focus. These days, the veil between this world and the arcane realm has grown thicker and harder to penetrate. In order to establish a connection to the Void, you must venture to a place known as a Voidal Hearth. I think there’s more than one in Arcas, but the one I’m familiar with lies in Krugmar. It’s at the heart of a magically charged canyon, filled with arcane-infused flora and fauna. Celestine and I have been here before, but the sights and sensations of the Canyon still leave me reeling each time. The magical energies are so intense that you can physically sense them. They manifest as glittering wisps in the corner of your eye, an electric taste on the tip of your tongue, an almost metallic scent that you can’t get out of your nose, a prickling sensation right beneath your skin, a low humming tune that seems to disappear whenever you focus on it. Even as someone who has been connected to the Void for centuries, I find it overwhelming.

The energies congregate within a cliffside cave. There’s a pool at the center of the cave, over which floats a strange, unearthly object. It is an obelisk of pure black material. I don’t know if it’s stone or something else not of this world. It hangs suspended in the air, unmoving. To my earthly eyes, it appears as a lightless, stationary monument hewn of rock. But when I open my senses to the Voidal energies… that obelisk shines as brightly as the sun - and burns just as hot. Skeins of crackling magic wind around it like yarn on a spool. The veil near the obelisk is so thin that you almost feel as though you could physically slip through the barrier and vanish into the arcane realm.

When Celestine and I arrived in that cave, I found myself at a loss for how to prepare her. For the uninitiated, connecting to the Void is like… living your life in complete darkness and then suddenly stepping out into the sun. It’s blinding. It’s overwhelming. Acclimating to the arcane energies is a process that can take months. And I was ready to rip off her blindfold in one of the most magically potent places in all of Arcas.

I thought I would start by teaching her how to meditate. Celestine and I took off our shoes, clothes, and hats - leaving them by the shore of the pool. We waded out into the water and floated on our backs beneath the obelisk. The water felt warm surrounding our bodies. In the silence of the cave, you could easily close your eyes and imagine the world falling away. You could picture yourself floating quietly in perfect darkness and stillness.

And that’s what I told Celestine to do.

“So, as we’re floating here… I want you to imagine yourself in an empty space filled with nothingness. Nothing all around you. Just empty air,” I said as we drifted upon our backs beneath the obelisk. “Focus on your breathing. Slow breaths in and out. Exist in that empty space for a time… Not letting any thoughts trouble you… If you get distracted and start thinking of things, that’s fine. But let the thoughts pass by like clouds in a blue sky. Don’t hold onto them too tightly.”

We lapsed into silence. I listened closely to Celestine’s breathing - and matched it with my own. “Now…” I said, “I want you to imagine a tiny core of light at your center. Glowing brightly in the darkness… What color is it?”

“It’s… viridian,” Celestine murmured softly. Her voice sounded distant, far removed from the world, and that was exactly what I wanted. “Bright green… with a tiny tinge of blue to it…”

“Beautiful,” I replied. “Take that light and move it around your body. Bring it up into your head… and let it expand to fill the space of your skull. Then move it down slowly along your spine. Feel it travel across your shoulders, down into your arms. Move it along every one of your fingers… Take it through each of your limbs and then back to your center.”

“When I connect to the Void,” I whispered into the stillness of the cave, “What I’m doing is dissolving the barrier that keeps my light - my aura, my energy - locked inside of my body. I push it outward to touch those invisible, intangible magicks that surround us. And that’s what we’re doing today. I’m going to strip away the barriers that stop you from feeling and sensing the magic out there in the world.”

“How…?” Celestine asked.

I moved my hand over to grasp hers. Our fingers knitted together just below the surface of the water. Closing my eyes, I slowed my breathing and allowed my aura to extend beyond the boundaries of my body. In such close proximity to the obelisk, my magic flared to life with more power and potency than it ever had before. My aura crashed up against the barriers of Celestine’s aura and, slowly, began to dissolve them. Once freed from its prison, that little green spark exploded - growing in size, brightness, intensity, until it completely engulfed Celestine’s body.

And then, just as the books described, she passed out. I severed my connection to the Void and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her back safely to the edge of the pond.

She’s been unconscious for the past few hours now. I’ve set up our campsite at the mouth of the cave and made sure she’s safe and comfortable. All that’s left is to wait and see what happens when she wakes up, I suppose.

It’s a bit strange being alone in the wilderness with Celestine. Part of me wants to ask her about Otto. About why she seemed so pensive and wistful at her wedding a few weeks ago. But Celestine was so happy to be out here today in the field, embarking on a new adventure and learning a new skill. I didn’t want to spoil her good time by prying into things that really aren’t my business.

She and I have become so much closer since Juan passed away. I consider her a true friend. If there was a problem, I hope she would tell me all on her own. And maybe she will. For now, all I can do is simply hope for the best.

Entry 80 –
1782 IST.

 

Spoiler

There’s… a secret I’ve kept from Icroth. I intend to tell him someday, of course. I’m just waiting for the right moment. He and I have discussed children before - how we’d like to have them together later down the road. I’ve told him that I struggled to conceive in the past, but I never told him why.

For the longest time, my lack of fertility has been one of the greatest frustrations and mysteries of my life. For many years, I blamed it on Malin’s curse and the sin of my miscegenation. I hoped that, if I found an elf man willing to love me and marry me, perhaps I would be blessed enough to conceive a child.

But then Edward Napier revealed to me his studies in elven fertility rates. Elves conceived just as often and just as easily as humans - sometimes even more so. Mixed human-elf couples had no trouble at all producing offspring. That meant, much to my horror, that the fault somehow lay with me. My body was broken and defected, unable to carry a child to term. It was something that I was doing wrong – and I hated myself for it.

When I proposed to Icroth, I secretly hoped that coupling with a Mali’ker man would somehow fix my curse and allow us to create a child. But I feared that might not be the case. Was I dooming another lover to an infertile, fruitless marriage? I was afraid to bring it up to him. Would he still want to marry me if he knew we might never have children? Could he love me even then? Fear tormented me as we lay next to each other at night. I love him so much. He’s the perfect one for me, my soulmate. Would my barren body ruin it all?

But, thank God, I think I might have finally found a solution. A lead on the cause of my infertility. I only hope and pray that it’s not too late to reverse it.

We had our yearly NGS meeting today in Reza. I showed up early for once. There was another early bird lingering around the archival hall when I arrived. His name is Osiris Sov - a wood elf - and he’s a member of the NGS Exploration Corps together with Zodd. We made conversation while we waited for the meeting to begin. He revealed that he’s a student at the Sutican magic academy in the same class as Celestine. Celestine had expressed some dissatisfaction with the pace at which the academy is teaching students… but Osiris told me things are so much worse than that!

Apparently, there have been multiple murders on the campus already! Why, the magic academy only just opened a few years ago! He told me he’d been wrongly accused of murder and trapped in a cave by the Headmistress, Emmeline. Of course, she let him out when she discovered the truth, but… dear me, how horrible!

“Maybe you’re better off finding another way to learn magic,” I suggested to Osiris, who shrugged his shoulders.

“Perhaps. It’s just I have nowhere else to live right now. And honestly, I want knowledge - not magic. That seems like the only place to learn.”

“Surely there are better options than a dangerous school where multiple murders have been committed…!” I said. “You shouldn’t have to do that… A school isn’t a place where people get slaughtered and abandoned in caves. A school is supposed to be a calm sanctum where people are allowed to learn in peace.”

By then, though, more people had begun to arrive. So Osiris and I cut our conversation short. Celestine took to the podium and rang the bell to begin the meeting. We had a few different things on the docket for discussion. We nominated Zodd Calliban to join the NGS Circle and he was, of course, voted in unanimously.

Celestine then ceded the podium to Edward Napier so he could give us an update on the Museum of Adunian Heritage opening in Kaedrin. (It’s still so ironic to me that Kaedrin - the nation founded by the Chivays - has the largest population of Adunians in the empire!) Edward explained how the museum would be split into three branches - Ancient Adunian History, Contemporary Adunian History, and Contemporary Kaedrini History. “The primary focus of the museum’s collection and operations will be the ancient section, with the Contemporary Adunian area being the next focus. Since Kaedreni history within the Empire has been closely linked to the Empire itself - less of a focus will be put upon it until greater floor space is available,” he said.

“Indeed!” Celestine replied. “I do hope to one day expand our Kaedreni operations, as well as those in Helena. Especially those in Helena.”

Edward tweaked his mustache, frowning suddenly. “Ah. About that,” he muttered. “I’ve… some news about Helena, in case you haven’t already heard.”

I perked up. “What news?” I inquired.

Celestine grimaced. “I’ve heard, but do go on, Ted,” she said. Looking at her face, I started to feel a prickle of nervous sweat run down my spine.

“The Imperial University is in the process of building and stocking a museum wing,” Edward revealed, “at their campus in Helena. Now, we don’t need to panic. It might be a small, localized thing restricted to the campus. But it is an issue we must confront sooner or later - the possibility of Museums under the direction of the Imperial Government. Celestine, I’m sure you have a few thoughts about this… and I do as well.”

“They’re no doubt inspired by our exploits,” Celestine exhaled, frowning. “But I highly doubt the Imperial government will be able to reach the level of quality we’ve been able to produce independently. I’m monitoring the situation, Ted. Not to worry. But do share your thoughts.”

“I think we had best get a meeting with the Archchancellor and Vice-Chancellor as quickly as possible,” Edward suggested. “My personal pitch is that we strike a deal with the government so that they’ll give us leave to manage and run their state-owned museums. We might be beholden to the Crown financially, but we would still function as independent contractors employed by the state.”

“Our independence is non-negotiable,” Celestine replied, twirling a strand of her dark hair around her finger. “We’ve turned down state-contracts from Haense before and that set the tone for our organization….”

“Cooperation might still be on zhe table, zhough,” Otto added. “Why fight against ozher people trying to pursue knowledge? It is zhe same goal at zhe end of zhe day.”

“Well, honestly, we do it better,” Edward said. “Not to mention the state has access to artifacts, archives, and resources that could benefit our organization.”

“A government contract might put some stipulations on what we can write and publish,” I muttered. “There are certain narratives that I’m sure they’re keen to push.”

“The Imperial government does not have our best interests at heart,” Vorion Brauch, another member of the Circle, said. “We have our vision. They do not.”

“Absolutely, I’d want to keep the NGS as it is - an open-minded, multicultural organization,” Edward replied. “But if we could negotiate a contract with the government that allowed us to continue our operations without conflict and further spread our cause, I feel it’s something worth looking into.”

“Any agreement with the Imperial government would need to be ratified by the Circle,” Celestine remarked. “I wouldn’t be opposed to entertaining the notion in the future. We’ll have to see how this state museum progresses first, though. If it’s in any position to take artifacts or resources away from us.”

Edward cleared his throat. “I have… seen certain architectural plans for a large building in the Capital. Far larger than our Helena branch. Larger even than our flagship museum here in Reza. And it is to be designated as a state museum. Part of entering into an agreement with the Government would, I should think - be the NGS getting access to use that building.”

I felt my heart drop into my stomach. “Oh no! Our museum in Helena is so little!”

“Und how vill zhey fill zhis grand museum?” Otto huffed. “Ve have all of Oren’s greatest historians und scholars right here! Our collection of artifacts und our body of scholarly work is unrivaled! Vill zhey magically produced all zhe books und pamphlets und exhibits needed to put us out of business?”

“Well… if we play our cards right, we’ll be the ones to fill it,” Edward replied with a sheepish smile. “Ideally, we would have the NGS manage that museum… and all museums across the Empire.”

“The Vice-Chancellor is a good friend of mine,” Celestine added. “I’ll work with him on expanding our operations in the capital and addressing this new museum they’re planning to build.”

“I just hope I’m not out of a job,” I said quietly, fidgeting with my hands. “That museum is the only reason Icroth and I can afford to live in Helena…”

“Not to worry, Tanith.” Celestine gave me a reassuring smile. “We’ll maintain a facility in Helena regardless of what happens. I won’t let them kick you out on the street. But we’ll look into this matter further.”

We went over a few smaller issues - such as who would be hosting the next lecture in our lecture series - before Celestine called the meeting to a close. As I got up to leave, she called out to me.

“Tanith, would you mind staying a few moments? I’d like to speak with you.”

I figured that it had something to do with our magic lessons, so I lingered. Celestine and Zodd had a quick chat off to the side while I waited. Zodd wanted to deliver the wedding presents he made for Celestine and Otto. Celestine thanked Zodd for the gifts and then crossed over to me. “Quite a meeting, wasn’t it?” she sighed, and I noticed how pale her face looked up close, when she wasn’t standing at the podium. “We haven’t had an argument like that since… well… since Haense offered us a royal charter back in the day.”

“Oh, it didn’t seem all that heated,” I said.

“Everyone was very civil and made good points! …Are you feeling well, by the way? You look a bit peaked.”

“Perfectly fine!” Celestine insisted, forcing a big, bright smile. Celestine tends to mask her feelings, but I’ve begun to see through the facade. I don’t like to pry or embarrass her, but nowadays I’m able to tell when something’s off. She quickly changed the subject before I could press her on it. “Say, would you like to come over to my house and chat? It’s a little more cozy and personal than the office upstairs.”

We made our way out of the museum, winding through the narrow back alleys of Reza until we reached Celestine’s house. She’s been living in Juan’s old domicile - hardly changed or redecorated at all since his passing. I’d visited Juan’s home a few times when he was still alive. More or less everything was still in place from those days. “Thank you for having me in your home,” I said as we stepped over the threshold.

Celestine sat upon the nearby sofa and I settled into a chair catty-cornered to her.

“Oh, of course,” Celestine replied. “I didn’t feel right talking to you behind that big desk in my office. We’re too much close of friends for that.”

We chatted for a while about our experience at the Voidal Hearth. Luckily, Celestine is much recovered. Passing out didn’t seem to affect her badly. She wasn’t feeling sickly as a result of the voidal connection ritual. Since our trip to the Hearth, she had been practicing meditation and trying to connect to the Void on her own. Connecting still caused her to go unconscious, but thankfully for shorter periods. I made sure that she was attempting her connections in a safe and comfortable place. I’m sure Otto would kill me if she tried connecting, passed out, and whacked her head! Celestine told me that she wanted to become adept with water evocation before we attempted another dive into the Nether. I thought that was a splendid plan. Casting in the Nether is doubly or even triply exhausting. If we had two water mages on hand, we’d be able to cover for one another.

As we were discussing our plans, Celestine brought up an interesting point that I had not considered before. “By the way,” she said, leaning closer to me, “We may need to be careful when traveling around Arcas. There are many places where voidal wizardry is frowned upon. The orcs, the people of Norland, the Druids… they’re all very suspicious of it.”

“Suspicious?” I asked. “Why?”

“Some cultures believe that harnessing the energies the Void is an ‘unnatural’ art. That by creating something out of nothing, voidal wizardry somehow violates the laws of the universe, you see,” Celestine explained to me. “That it pollutes our realm in unsavory ways, and thus it is frowned upon in some cultures. Some even believe that voidal energies are poisonous and antithetical to life as we know it.”

“Oh, I don’t believe that,” I huffed. “Anyone with a connection to the Void knows that the Arcane Realm is intimately interwoven with our own!”

“Voidal energies are known to have a negative effect on things such as Kuila crystals, as you recall,” Celestine reminded me. “In fact, I had a question for you about that. Not the Kuila crystals, but something else…”

I quirked an eyebrow. “Go on.”

Celestine turned a bit red in the face. She glanced off to the side, avoiding my eye. “Do you know if… if voidal magic has any effect on unborn children?”

I gasped and clamped a hand over my mouth. “Celestine! You’re pregnant?!”

She held up her hands. “I don’t know for sure, but the signs and symptoms are all there,” she said. “I just want to be extra careful, you know!”

I was so stunned, I hardly knew what to say. “G-Goodness, Celestine!” I stuttered. “If I’m honest with you… I didn’t think your relationship with Otto was that… erm… passionate!”

“It’s not,” Celestine replied flatly. She kept her eyes downcast on her lap. “We… got lucky on our first try. I wasn’t expecting it and neither was he, but I’m grateful. I’m getting older and I thought it would be much more difficult to conceive…”

“Dear me…!” I puffed up my cheeks and exhaled slowly. “How wonderful, though! Please accept my congratulations. God really has blessed you!”

Celestine fell quiet, her eyes still lowered. Her mouth worked as if she wanted to say something, but didn’t quite have the courage. Under normal circumstances, I’m sure she would have been beside herself with joy. But the news of her pregnancy didn’t seem to be a cause for celebration.

“About voidal casting…” I began, changing the subject as swiftly as I could.

“Yes! About voidal casting!” Celestine said, her energy and enthusiasm returning.

“I’m afraid I don’t know the answer to your question, Celestine,” I admitted. “I’ve… had certain experiences, but… my situation might be unique. It might be better to ask someone else about that. I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful.”

Celestine blinked, surprised. She nodded slowly, a frown tugging at the corners of her lips. “Oh – well… I’ll… do that, then,” she muttered. “I’ll contact some friends and check the library in Haelun’or. See if I can’t find anything out about the matter. But perhaps we could delay our next lesson until… all this is over. I wouldn’t want to risk a miscarriage, what with the physical stress of our training… This is perhaps my only chance to have a child with Otto. I’m not sure if we could get lucky again.”

“Y-Yes…” A strange and frightening idea had begun to dawn on me. My thoughts drifted back to the garden outside my old home in Asulon, in the barony of Hyrr, that I shared with Mr. Toov. To the rose bush planted under the kitchen window.

That rose bush that concealed my darkest secrets.

“I would encourage you to ask questions and do research before we push forward,” I finished, struggling to conceal the feelings that suddenly arose inside of me.

“Very well, I’ll do that.” Celestine began to rise, heading for the door to show me out.

“Wait,” I pleaded, holding out a hand to stop her. “If you discover anything, would you – would you tell me? I’m… I’m very interested in knowing. I don’t want to frighten you or spoil your happy news, but… Celestine, there’s a reason I’ve lived such a long life and never had children. If that reason is voidal magic, then… I must absolutely know. I wouldn’t want you to go through any of the things I’ve gone through.”

Celestine hesitated. A painful look flashed over her face as she realized exactly what I meant. She took my hands in hers, squeezing them. “Of course, I’ll let you know as soon as possible,” she said before pulling me into a hug.

I smiled and hugged her in return. “I can’t wait to meet your baby.”

After that, we bid our goodbyes and I headed back to Helena on the tram. Since then, my thoughts have been swirling. When was it that I first learned water evocation? It was shortly after the White Rose moved to Krak du Rhoswen by the sea. Mr. Toov taught me the basics of evocation - though he studied fire as his art and I elected for the more soothing, gentle practice of water. Being by the ocean inspired me. Much of what I learned, I taught myself through books and simple trial-and-error. We were newly married then. We hadn’t yet started trying to have children.

I practiced voidal magic regularly, even in the days of the Rose. It was essential for cooking, for laundry, for keeping the fortress clean. I was casting on a daily basis. Could it be? Could it be the arcane energies I channeled through my body caused my miscarriages?

I was killing my own babies and I never even realized it?

The thought makes me sick to my stomach. And yet – and yet –

It might mean that I can conceive and carry a child to term if I simply… stop using magic for a little while.

Is it possible? Have the voidal energies done too much damage for me to conceive? Or would I be able to successfully bear a child if I simply didn’t cast for a few months? Is the solution to my problems really that easy?

I have to know. I hope Celestine can find out soon. More than anything in this world, I’ve wanted a family. As a child, they stole me away from my parents. Ever since then, I’ve been struggling to fill that void. I found families in all the wrong places - in the White Rose, in the Black Fox Company. Now, at last, I might have the chance to make my own family with the man I truly love. My soulmate.

If it meant I could have a child, I would happily give up magic forever!

Entry 81 –
1782 IST.
 

Spoiler

I realized something about myself today.

Since moving to Helena, I’ve fancied myself a modern Orenian woman with an up-to-date 18th-century sensibility. Gone are my old 14th-century values and habits. I’ve grown up and adopted a progressive, forward-thinking way of living! I’m not like other elves, who are still wallowing in their past-century woes.

But it struck me today that I’m still stuck in the past too.

I decided today that I would come out and tell Icroth the hard truth about our marriage - that there’s a chance we might never have children.

We’ve discussed the possibility of children before, but I was hesitant to bring up the fact that I’d never successfully carried a pregnancy to term. If I were a good partner, I would have disclosed the truth before we got to the altar. Dear Lord, my nerves were all scattered and shot as I sat down across from him at our dinner table. Over and over, I ran through the conversation in my head, trying to anticipate every possible outcome. Would he be sad? Angry? Would he feel deceived? Like I’d misrepresented myself and lied to him?

But I knew it couldn’t wait any longer, so I confessed. “…Icroth, I worry I’ve been… well, not dishonest. But perhaps that I’ve omitted some things,” I began, laying my hands down flat in front of me on the table. “I worry maybe I rushed into marriage without… necessarily disclosing everything I should. Please don’t be angry with me. But… then again, I’ll understand if you are.”
Icroth eyed me from across the table, his thick, white eyebrows knitting together. “Go on…”

“…When you reach our age, it’s… fairly normal for Mali to have a few children kicking around, don’t you think? Hard to live all the way to two hundred, three hundred, four hundred without falling in love at least once,” I continued. “Chirr even mentioned she had a few when she came to our wedding…”

“Right…” Icroth replied, a frown tugging at the corner of his lips.

“But I’ve never had children,” I said, my reluctance growing ever more as I drew closer to the revelation. “The truth is that I think I might be infertile. I’ve… gotten pregnant a number of times, but… never carried successfully to term. And I fear that I never will.”

The silence hung heavy in the air between us. I fixed my eyes on the wood grain of the table, not daring to look up at him. What would I see when we made eye contact? A face twisted with rage, disappointment, grief? I braced myself, ready to be castigated.

“Is that all?”

My head shot up. “What do you mean, ‘is that all?’”

Icroth shrugged. He seemed completely unbothered! “So that’s your big secret?”

I found myself getting flustered. “You’re – you’re being awfully cavalier about it, don’t you think?” I complained.

“Cavalier?” he asked, lifting a brow.

“It’s just… we’ve talked about children before and… I thought I’d been misleading you!” I squeaked. “I thought you wanted a family. It seemed like children were important to you when we talked about that sort of thing…”

Icroth leaned back in his chair, letting out a sigh. “Tanith,” he began. “Of course I’d like to have children. But I didn’t marry you just because I wanted a womb to carry my offspring. When I chose to become your husband, it’s because – quite surprisingly – I wanted to be your husband. My aim is simply to love you and be a good spouse to you. Whatever happens - children or no - happens. I have no expectations of you, aside from you loving me and being my wife.”

My eyes widened as I stared across the table. “You’re… really not bothered by it at all?”

“Bothered isn’t the right word,” he replied. “In truth, I am even somewhat relieved.”

“Really?”

Icroth gestured to the air around him. “We’re in no position to be parents, dear,” he pointed out. “We’re living out of a tiny apartment in the city with barely enough room for the two of us, let alone a third.”

“You have a point,” I mumbled. “And there’s the matter of money too…”

“Besides, the world is in chaos. Jack is preparing for all-out war against Azdromoth and the Inferi,” Icroth replied. “It’s a dangerous time. The last thing I would ever want is to leave you widowed with a child. Once things settle, we can try our best to start a family… but even if children aren’t in the cards, my dear, I still have you. And you are enough for me.”

You are enough.

Those three words left me stunned. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I’m ‘enough’ - not in my entire life. When I served the White Rose, I was always fighting tooth-and-nail to prove my worth. To show them that I belonged in Oren, the same as anyone. My marriage to Mr. Toov was plagued by feelings of inadequacy. Because of me, he could never hope to establish a lasting lineage. Lineages and bloodlines were so important in those days, especially among nobles. I couldn’t help but see how badly I was failing him. My one role as a wife was to provide children and ensure the continued existence of the house. In those days, a wife’s job was childbirth. Love, companionship – those things mattered far, far less.

But it’s a new age. In modern Oren, lineages and bloodlines still do matter, but far less than they once did. Love is no longer an afterthought. My mind had been stuck in an outdated world view. I thought, mistakenly, that my worth was tied to my ability to bear children. I genuinely worried that Icroth might not want me any longer if I couldn’t give him a family. But in three words, Icroth showed me how deeply I’d misunderstood him. How deeply I misunderstood how marriage, love, and relationships work in this new, modern Oren.

As these realizations dawned on me, I started to tear up. Icroth saw my quivering lip and buckling chin. He rose from his chair and hurried to my side. “What’s wrong?” he asked, taking my hand in his.

“Oh, you – !” I barked out. “You’re always so unexpected, Icroth!”

He blinked at me. “What?”

“Why do you always know just what to say?” I asked him, managing to smile. “Whenever I think I’ve got you figured out, you catch me off guard!”

He laughed and pulled me into a hug. “Hah! If I can still surprise you after all this time, I consider that quite an accomplishment.”

After that, I told him I might’ve found a solution to the problem of my infertility. Celestine was doing research into the effects of voidal energy on the unborn. (“She’s pregnant already? That was fast,” Icroth commented.) It was possible that, if I simply stopped casting for a time, we might be able to carry a pregnancy to term and start a family.

“I know how much you want children, Tanith,” Icroth said, clutching my hands in his. “And I hope we’ll be blessed someday. But no matter what happens, I am satisfied with you. Never forget that.”

That man! And he claims he’s not romantic!

Oh, how I love him!

I still want to raise a family with him one day. But I realize now that it’s all right, even if we can’t. Our love for each other is enough.

Entry 82 –
1782 IST.
 

Spoiler

Celestine is a person who puts on a brave and cheerful face no matter what, even if things are troubling her, but I’ve begun to see through the facade. When she came to the museum today to check up on things, I could tell something was bothering her. Her pregnancy has progressed greatly since we last spoke - and she looks about ready to burst. I invited her upstairs for some tea and we sat down for a chat.

Our talk started out cheerfully enough. “I promised you that I would look into the matter we discussed the last time we saw one another,” she said as she cradled her cup of Tiger’s Eye. (Archchancellor Basrid’s favorite - and it has become one of mine too. The spicy notes of nutmeg and cinnamon are exquisite.) “About voidal magic and its effects on the unborn….”

“Ah, yes!” I exclaimed as I took my seat across from her. “What have you found?”

Celestine lifted her cup to her lips and took a thoughtful sip. “Well…” she hesitated, a little frown-line forming between her brows. “Unfortunately… Despite centuries worth of studies on the arcane, there is surprisingly little out there on the matter of pregnancies.”

“Did you find anything about the effects on a non-pregnant body?” I asked, giving my tea a stir. “Perhaps that would clue us in.”

“Funny you should mention that, Tanith,” Celestine replied. “That was my thought as well. We know that descendant bodies undergo extreme stress when they connect to the Void. We witnessed that ourselves just a few months ago at the Voidal Heath.”

“Oh, but it does get easier,” I reassured Celestine. “The body adapts.”

“Precisely, Tanith! That is what makes us descendants so resilient - our ability to adapt!” Celestine replied after another sip. “Your reasoning is right on the money.”

“So… does that mean the body changes somehow as it channels voidal magic?” I asked.

“You took the words straight out of my mouth, Tanith,” Celestine said, tilting her head. “According to my findings, a voidal mage’s body grows weaker and frailer as it channels more and more arcane energy. Not terribly so. It’s akin to being out of shape. It becomes harder to stay physically fit with arcane magic flowing through one’s form.”

“Why, I had no idea!” I exclaimed. “I have noticed that I’m a bit less spry than I used to be. But I chalked it up to… well, the natural progression of age.”

“You’re an elf, dearie!” Celestine chuckled.

“Well, yes, of course,” I said. “We might not age in the same way or at the same rate humans do, but we certainly age nonetheless.”

“Then it may very well be a combination of both,” Celestine hypothesized. “But with that knowledge, I searched for birth records. And… as I discovered, there have been many mages who practiced their craft through pregnancy and gave birth to happy, healthy children with no complications. Even elvish mages, despite the well-documented problem of elvish infertility.”

“Oh,” I said. “Mr. Napier said that elvish infertility is mostly a myth.”

Celestine shrugged. “Napier believes a lot of things, some of them wilder than others,” she said. “But, regardless, it’s my hypothesis as a physician that magic doesn’t negatively impact pregnancy to a calculable degree. Yet I’d still advise pregnant women to avoid activities that might put undue stress on their bodies since that can lead to premature birthing.”

I sat in silence for a long moment, still stirring my tea. Just for something to do with my hands. A few days ago, I was filled with hope that the solution to my problem might be as simple as… not casting magic for a time. But Celestine’s findings knocked me back to square one. I stared down into the little whirlpool I’d created in my teacup. For so many years, I’ve asked myself - what am I doing wrong? I blamed my elvish heritage. I blamed the miscegenation in my marriages. I blamed my magic. But none of those things seemed to be the key. Was I simply… unlucky? Afflicted by Malin’s curse worse than my peers?

Celestine must have noticed my reticence because she reached over and touched my hand. “It’s possible that when you were younger, connecting to the Void may have been more strenuous and had a greater effect on your body.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s the case,” I mumbled. “It was easier in the old days. You didn’t even need to visit a Voidal Heath to establish your first connection.”

Celestine frowned. “That’s true. It was just a hypothesis.” She withdrew her hand from mine. “I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Tanith…”

“No, no!” I waved a dismissive hand. “It’s quite all right. I really am gratified for the research you’ve done, Celestine. You’ve got such a good head for this sort of thing. If I had to find out by myself, I would have had no idea where to start. Some teacher I am, hm?”

Celestine shook her head. “One cannot hope to know everything, dearest Tanith. You remember what I like to say! Always new frontiers to push.”

“I feel a bit silly,” I sighed. “Getting my hopes up for an easy solution.”

Celestine rested her hands atop her swollen belly. “I hope that what I found was at least a tiny bit useful,” she said. “Although it wasn’t what you were hoping to hear.”

“…Ah, yes, of course it is, Celestine,” I promised her. “We’ll continue your lessons after the baby’s safely delivered, hm? Have you picked out names yet?”

Somehow, I have a terrible habit of stumbling onto the worst subjects when I talk with Celestine.

A change came over her face as soon as I mentioned the baby - and I immediately wished that I hadn’t. She looked down at her bulging midsection pensively. “I’ve… thought of a few, yes,” she said softly. Then, after a pause - “Tanith, you… told me some time ago… that if anything was ever bothering me, I could talk to you, yes?”

A sense of unease prickled over my skin. “Why, certainly,” I replied to my friend. “Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

Celestine lapsed into silence, taking in a deep, slow breath through her nose. Her mouth pressed into a thin line, her chin buckling beneath. “I hate this,” she said at length.

I leaned forward in my chair. “What do you mean?”

“This feeling,” she said, gesturing vaguely to her body. “I feel so… caged. Smothered. I can’t do anything just for myself anymore. I have to think of the baby. It feels like a ball and chain dragging me back.” She looked up at me, her eyes glossy with emotion. “That isn’t how a new mother is supposed to feel, is it? It’s selfish. Cold-hearted.”

“Celestine, you’ve always been an independent soul,” I told her. “And this is a big change. Husband, children, family. It’s not a bad change, but it requires an adjustment period. And, you know, if you ever need a babysitter… I’m happy to offer my help. I’m an old hand when it comes to caring for babies.”

“You may be volunteering for more than you are bargaining for, Tanith.” Celestine’s lip began to tremble as her eyes filled up with tears. “I’m so scared, Tanith. Women far younger than I am have died in childbirth.”

“Oh, Celestine! I couldn’t imagine such a thing!” I exclaimed. “You’re so healthy and in excellent shape. I don’t believe you’ve ever been sick a single day I’ve known you!”

“Tanith, I’m carrying twins,” Celestine admitted as a few tears darted down her cheeks. “I’m… not sure a natural birth is possible. Do you realize what the odds are for a woman of my age are to survive such an operation?”

“I… I don’t know much about medicine,” I mumbled shamefully.

“Then it’s best I don’t tell you,” Celestine said, her voice dropping to a hoarse whisper. “Tanith, if anything happens to me, Otto can’t raise the children by himself. It would… be a great comfort to me if you would consent to be their godmother.”

When she asked that, it was all I got up out of my chair and rushed to put my arms around her. Celestine broke down into earnest tears and hugged my midsection. I stroked her hair and whispered to her softly – “Celestine, you are beyond a doubt my best friend in the entire world,” I said. “And it would be my greatest honor to be your children’s godparent. But – you’re hale and hearty. Birth might be difficult, but I’ve got no doubt you’ll survive and thrive! And soon you will have two beautiful children to love you.”

For some reason, that number - ‘two’ - brought on a fresh wave of tears. “Oh, Tanith…” Celestine hiccuped. “If… If I were to tell you a secret… would it ruin our friendship…? Would you think less of me if you knew?”

I drew back, holding her at arm’s length and looking into her face - all messy with tears. “I can’t imagine anything would change my friendship for you, Celestine,” I said.

Celestine took a deep, steadying breath as she tried to stem her tears. “I’m a woman of many secrets,” she confessed. “It’s so difficult, keeping them all to myself. If I were to tell a single soul, it could ruin me… You must promise that you won’t say a word. Not to anyone, not even Icroth.”

I put a hand over my heart. “Celestine - on my honor as a member of the NGS, as an Orenian citizen, as a White Rose, as an elf, as a woman - I promise that nothing you say will ever leave this room.”

Celestine nodded slowly, pushing the tears away with the heel of her hand. And then… she told me.

I’m always torn about what to do when friends reveal their secrets to me. On the one hand, I like to write down everything in my diary so I don’t forget it. I live in fear of losing my memories again and forgetting time. My diary is, at least ostensibly, a private place where I can air my thoughts without judgment or concern of people seeing. Yet, right downstairs in the museum, we’re displaying the journal of a long-dead princess. All her tender feelings and concerns - things that she expected to remain private - on full display for the public to see.

I’m not sure if my journal will ever end up in a museum. Likely not. After all, I’m just a dark elf, not a princess. But at the same time, the thought keeps me from committing those secrets to paper.

Celestine revealed some sensitive information that I dare not write down. Details about her life that might ruin her - and the NGS - if they somehow got out. It’s my belief that peoples’ hidden truths belong to them and it’s not my place to publish those secrets, even if privately.

Celestine wept so hard that I thought she might suffocate on her own tears. All I could do was put my arms around her and reassure her that she did the right thing. I really do believe that. Beyond a doubt, she made the best possible choice considering the circumstances.

The telling seemed to lighten her spirit. Before she left, I managed to get her to smile again. A real smile, not the fake facade she wears so often.

I hope that one day her secret won’t need to be a secret anymore.

Celestine is the closest friend I’ve had in a long time. I’m so grateful to have her in my life. I promised her that Icroth and I would be there when she gives birth. If anything bad happened, we’d gladly help raise her children - without question. But I know she’ll be fine. Celestine’s got a spine of steel and a heart of gold.

And she’s got me too.

 

Entry 83 –
1783 IST.
 

Spoiler

Ah, what a busy few days it’s been! I haven’t had the time to sit down and write lately. The good news is that Icroth and I are preparing for a move! No more tiny apartment in the city - we’re going to have a proper house! The Paladins of Xan have built a large compound - practically the size of a small town - near Helena in the Pale. The Pale is an Orenian settlement specifically designed and built for elves like me who’ve chosen to spend their lives among humans. Perhaps I’ll meet some friends there. I’d like to get to know more Orenian elves and see what culture we’ve built for ourselves here in the Empire.

Icroth and I toured the Paladins’ compound together. It’s a charming place with warm brick and terracotta walls, all covered in leafy vines. There are flowers everywhere, as expected from a place built by elves, and it smells simply divine. I can’t wait to be in a proper house with a full kitchen.

Don’t get me wrong, of course. I’ve been ever so grateful for the apartment the NGS gave me in the museum. But cooking is one of my favorite hobbies - and I haven’t been able to indulge much in our current location. Icroth and I are usually forced to eat out at restaurants or the local tavern.

Ah, but that’s the cost of city living, isn’t it? Regardless, a house! At last!

That’s not the only thing that’s changing around Helena lately. Archchancellor Basrid retired at long last. He’s served for forty-four years. Funny how that number seems both so long and so short. He appointed Jonah Stahl-Elendil as his successor. I’ll admit that lately I haven’t paid a great deal of attention to politics – other things have been on my mind – but something about this new administration caught my eye! Celestine Herbert is to serve as the new Minister of Foreign Affairs! That’s right, my good friend now holds a position on the Imperial Cabinet! I couldn’t be prouder of her.

The announcement came on the heels of her childrens’ birth. Poor Celestine certainly has her hands full, between her newborn babies and her appointment to the Cabinet. Her children were born strong and healthy, thank goodness. She gave birth not to two children - as we expected - but three! Triplets! My, she and Otto are rather fertile for two middle-aged fuddy-duddies, hm? Her childrens’ names are Wolfgang, Dannika, and Elisabeth Wittenbach. I was blessed to be there when Celestine gave birth - and I held her hand through the entire process. In fact, I was one of the very first people to hold her babies. Oh, they were simply adorable. I cannot wait to watch them grow up. I know they’ll be brilliant!

Although… I anticipate I’ll be doing a great deal of babysitting in the future. Celestine is going to be very busy as a member of the cabinet, especially as a diplomat. She’ll be doing that on top of being a mother, learning magic, and her academic work with the NGS. One wonders how she manages it!

(Edward Napier was present at the birth too - and I got to meet HIS little green bean! A half-orc infant by the name of John. He was ENORMOUS, my God! It seemed like Edward could barely hold the little boy!)

What other news is there to jot down? So many little things have happened, it’s difficult to arrange them into a flowing narrative.
Mr. Grouch Carrington returned to Helena after a lengthy period away. He’s been studying arcane flora abroad. Armed with his new knowledge, he’s running an alchemy laboratory near the ruins of the old Helena farms. I inquired about some Athin-treated fireproof gear for when the NGS returns to the Nether. Mr. Grouch said that it might be difficult to fulfill my order, but he would give it his best attempt. He even offered to teach me a bit about alchemy once he was finished with his current students. Perhaps that’s something I’ll pursue.

The strangest bit of news is… well, I heard that someone wrote a play about me! There’s this playwright that recently exploded onto the Helene theater scene. Icroth attended one of her plays not too long ago and said it was marvelous. I thought about going with him, but I decided not to. Historical plays don’t really interest me. It’s hard to enjoy works of historical fiction when you lived through the periods in question.

But anyway, it seems this playwright - Bianca La Fleur - recently published a new play… and I’m one of the characters in it! In all honesty, I’m not sure how to feel about that. It looks like I’m one of the minor characters, but… oh, how strange! I’ve never spoken to this La Fleur person before in my life and here she is writing about me! But if she’s as good as Icroth says, well… maybe it’s not so bad. Perhaps I should try to find her and meet with her. It’s likely that she doesn’t even know I’m still alive!

To think - me! A character in a play! How odd!

Entry 84 –
1783 IST.

 

Spoiler

I started looking more into this La Fleur person - the playwright who included me as a character in her work. What can I say? My curiosity got the better of me. Turns out that she’s written a good number of plays - five, including this latest one. Her most famous play is one called Lorin + Augustus. I remember hearing about it some time ago when it was first published, but I hadn’t gotten around to reading it myself. Her latest play concerned even more figures from my memory - not just Lorin, but Rosalie, Thomas, and me too.

It’s hard to put my finger on exactly why, but something about seeing those names used in works of fiction… it left a bad taste in my mouth. Lorin + Augustus already pushes the boundaries of good taste, romanticizing the abuse of my friend and turning it to entertainment, but her latest play - the one that featured me - is a work of straight fiction. La Fleur couldn’t simply make up characters and throw them into a drama of her own creation. Rather, she borrowed the names of historical figures - people I once knew, people I once deeply cared about - and used them recklessly to give her plays a sense of greater weight and legitimacy. All the while, using her position as a famous author to obscure and rewrite their actual stories. It feels wrong.

I thought about writing to La Fleur and telling her my thoughts, but ‘La Fleur’, I discovered, is a nom de plume. I didn’t know her actual given name. I’m not really one to kick up a fuss for no reason, so I decided to let sleeping dogs lie and simply get on with my business. But the idea that someone was using my friends and their suffering to make herself rich and famous… that bothered me. And it wouldn’t stop bothering me.

I’m trying to keep my magical abilities sharp, so - whenever I’m feeling upset or frustrated - I try to meditate. Meditation helps me connect to the Void more easily. Plus, it’s good for other things. Whenever something’s bothering me, I meditate and try to let the feelings simply slide off me. So today, I went to meditate by one of the canals that flow through Helena.

Celestine happened to stumble across me while I was meditating. “Tanith!” she chimed, looking flushed and happy as can be.

I startled out of my reverie and stood up. “Celestine! Congratulations!” I said. It was the first time I had seen her since the big announcement - that she’d been appointed to the Imperial Cabinet. “Do I need to start calling you ‘Your Excellency’ now?”

Celestine flashed a little smirk. “Why, Tanith! I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

I laughed. “Ms. Minister of Foreign Affairs!” I teased her. “A member of His Imperial Majesty’s Cabinet! You get to sit at a table with the Emperor himself!”

Celestine’s grin widened and she threw her arms around me. “Oh, I know, Tanith! I know!” she giggled, beside herself with glee. “Isn’t it exciting?”

We talked for a while and caught up on the latest events. Celestine told me that her appointment to the Cabinet came as a complete surprise. Jonah Elendil mentioned wanting her to work for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs… but he never told her that she would be in charge of it! Imagine that! Waking up one morning to find out you hold one of the highest offices in the land! She received a set of keys to the palace and invited me to take a tour with her. I’ve never been further than the Novellen gardens, so I figured why not?

Celestine and I had a good time wandering around the Novellen together! We went to to the throne room and the Cabinet chambers. The Cabinet chamber is a gigantic hall - at the center of which is a simply massive table. “Which chair is yours?” I asked Celestine and she blushed in embarrassment.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I’ll take whichever one the Archchancellor sees fit to bestow on me, I suppose! Goodness, Tanith! This is all so overwhelming. I never envisioned myself as a politician!”

“I can’t believe he sprung this position on you out of nowhere!” I reiterated.

“No!” Celestine replied. “In fact, he explicitly said he didn’t want me to be the Foreign Secretary! It was entirely unexpected.”

“Regardless, I know you’ll do splendidly!” I said - and we moved on to the rest of the palace. We visited their gallery of Imperial crown jewels, the Imperial Family’s private chapel, and more. The Novellen really is a splendid place… although I must admit, my eyes were swimming from all the black and white checked floors. Everything - practically everything - was carved from marble too. The throne didn’t even have a cushion on it! You’d think the seat of Imperial power would be… a little more comfortable, wouldn’t you?

After we finished our tour, Celestine turned to me. “Things are going to be quite busy for me from now on,” she mused. “But that doesn’t mean I want to quit our magic lessons. When is your schedule clear to keep tutoring me, Tanith?”

“Well,” I said, “I’m free now if you are. Might as well get some practice out of the way before your new duties kick in, hm?”

With that, we retired to the Helena museum and posted up in the back garden to practice magic. It’s a private spot - nice and secluded - so I figured it would be perfect. But oh, how wrong I was!

Celestine, as it turns out, is a natural with magic. I’m shocked she didn’t become a mage before now. As with everything, she seems to have an instinctive aptitude for harnessing and wielding the energies of the Void. She barely needed any coaching from me. Within a few moments of connecting and channeling, she had manifested about a cup’s worth of summoned water! I remember how I had to fight and scrape just to create a single droplet back when I was first learning. But then again, I didn’t have anyone teaching me. I had to figure it out all on my own. Perhaps that’s the benefit of having a teacher - much swifter progress!

At the end of our lesson, I decided to give Celestine a little challenge. “Now, I want you to take the water you’ve summoned,” I explained, “and hurl it as forcefully as you can toward any target you like. Project it out into a water bolt!”

“Hmm,” Celestine hummed - and her eye was drawn toward a little bluebird sitting on the laundry line. “How about I try to soak that bird?”

I had some reservations about her choice of target – I didn’t want her to hit the poor thing and hurt it! – but I kept them to myself. After all, what was the likelihood of her actually striking the bird? It was more likely that she’d project the water out - but it’d fall back and splash her in the face. So I gave her the nod. Celestine summoned a small amount of water between her hands and formed it into the shape of a ball. With a twist of her wrist, she flung it through the air…

And struck the poor little bird with the expertise of an adept marksman! She sent the bluebird hurtling off into the distance, flung by the force of her magic!

We both sat there speechless for a time, staring at the line where the bird had been sitting.

“Oh my God!” Celestine cried out, hurrying to her feet. “I didn’t mean to hurt it!”

“We should – we should probably go and see if it’s all right,” I stuttered, rising as well. “I don’t know whether to congratulate you on a spell well cast… or scold you for targeting that little bird!”

“I just wanted to splash it, not to kill it!” Celestine cried out, rushing for the door. She wobbled, unsteady on her feet from the effort of casting. “Oh bother, oh dear! Let’s split up and see if we can find where it landed!”

I put a firm hand on her shoulder. “You ought to go inside and rest,” I told her. “You’re unsteady on your feet. Casting takes a lot out of you and you need to recover.”

Celestine put a hand to her forehead. “Y-You’re probably right,” she stuttered. “But oh, please go and make sure that little bird is all right. I feel just awful!”

I got Celestine situated inside before I set out in search of the bird. Almost immediately, though, I found myself at a loss. The bluebird could be anywhere in the city. Where on earth would I start looking? Without any idea of where to go, I headed up the road toward Nauzica Square.

Soon enough, I found myself outside of the Dragon’s Rest tavern. James Chapel - my elven acquaintance - was sitting at his usual table on the patio. He lifted a hand in greeting as I passed by. James seems to be an avid people-watcher, so I stopped to talk with him. “Have you, um…” I began, “Have you seen an injured bluebird around here?”

James lifted an eyebrow. “Did you hurt a bird?”

I cringed and covered my face with my hands. “We didn’t mean to!” I exclaimed. “We were just practicing magic in my back garden and struck a bird by accident!”

“Well, if it got this far, it ought to be all right,” James replied.

“I don’t know,” I murmured. “It was sort of… flung… a great distance by the magic…”

James winced. “Oh. Well… Perhaps we can look for it.”

With that, James and I set off on a search around the city. We were joined by one Mr. Rat - a strange, clockwork golem of a creature built to resemble a rodent - and a Mali’ker teenager. Eventually, I spotted a bluebird hobbling around with a broken wing. I knew at once it was our target! With a bit of strategy, I managed to corral the bird toward James – who was able to swiftly grab it with both hands.

There aren’t any animal hospitals in Helena, so we took it to the local clinic. Dr. Morgyn - the presiding physician - agreed to treat its wing.

After dropping the bird off at the clinic, James and I walked back to the tavern together. “Saaaay,” he said as we strolled along the cobblestones.

“You’ve heard of the stage productions that have been going on recently, haven’t you? Lorin + Augustus? Icroth was there at opening night…”

I’d been distracted from my discomfort by Celestine and the bird incident. “Oh, yes,” I replied, suddenly remembering why I’d been so bothered earlier. “He mentioned going to the show. He said it was quite good. But I don’t really enjoy historical fiction myself.”

“The writer, Bianca La Fleur – she’s a friend of mine,” James continued, as we sat down in the tavern. “Her shtick is to pluck little-known historical figures out of obscurity and romanticize the snot out of them. In fact, you appear as a character in her most recent play. She’ll be staging it soon and wanted to know if you’d accept the role.”

The offer caught me off guard. “Oh,” I said. “No disrespect to your friend, but – in truth, I find her work just a tad vulgar.”

He tilted his head. “Vulgar? Do go on,” he prompted.

“I took a browse through her bibliography lately,” I began. “As it turns out, she’s written a great deal about… people I knew personally. Speaking as someone who knew these individuals, often quite well, it’s a little awkward and uncomfortable to see them so misrepresented. I know it’s her business to… romanticize, as you so put it, but… Well, I am a living person. I don’t think I need to be romanticized.”

“Your character doesn’t play a large role,” James explained. “If you like, I can get you a copy of the script and - if anything offends you - I’ll tell my friend to change it accordingly.”

“Oh, there’s no need for that,” I replied, waving a hand. “It’s just… Ms. La Fleur is being awfully free with other peoples’ histories. It’s a bit… distasteful to take peoples’ stories and warp them for entertainment is all.”

“I’m sure if she knew you were still alive, she wouldn’t have included you as a character,” James said. “But I’ll let her know. Perhaps further research is in order.”

“It’s not just me, though,” I sighed. “You know, Lorin Chivay… she was a close friend of mine. It broke my heart when she was forced to marry that awful old man against her will. To see her suffering and abuse turned into the stuff of a stage play… it’s a little bit offensive. What happened to her was not at all entertaining. It was ugly. And horrible. Yet now your author friend is taking advantage of Lorin’s suffering and using it to make herself rich and famous. Trivializing and romanticizing what actually happened.”

“I don’t see it that way,” James replied. “We here in Oren abolished forced marriages because of countless stories like Lorin’s. But these humans, they forget easily. One might hear stories of a battered grandmother, but soon enough they become stories of great-grandmothers and then names on a headstone with no stories attached. But now people who might not have known that Lorin existed will know that she did exist and the injustices she suffered- even if their picture may be distorted. But the distortion serves memory. Everyone in that audience hated Augustus and will hate anyone who resembles him, I promise you that.”

“Is he redeemed in the play?” I asked James. “I haven’t read it or seen it myself.”

“Not hardly,” James answered. “He dies because of his own lust for blood and power. He made an awful demand of Lorin - that she would not be able to see her son until she writes of his whole life up to his death - and the best thing he does in the whole play is not go back on his word. I almost hated Simon Basrid myself by the time rehearsals ended, even if he was just playing a character.”

“Dear me! Did he play Augustus? I suppose it fits,” I said. “I always thought Mr. Basrid was a bit terrifying myself… Well, regardless… I’d ask that you talk to Ms. La Fleur and ask her to… maybe take more care in the future whose history she uses in her plays. here are still those of us alive from back then. And certain portrayals can be hurtful or offensive.”

“I’ll let her know,” James replied, finishing off his cup of tea. He pushed himself to his feet. “So I take it you won’t be accepting the part then?”

I laughed a little. “Oh Heavens. I don’t think so. I’m no actress. Even if I am just playing myself.”

“You should still meet her, though,” James urged me. “I think she’d love you as a consultant.”

With that, he excused himself and sauntered off.

I can see the point in what he said about memory. Yet at the same time, it still makes me uneasy to see my friends’ stories romanticized and distorted. Especially when those romanticizations are lining someone else’s pockets. Something about it rubs me the wrong way. But maybe it’s not so bad – especially if I have a chance to help set the record straight. A consultant, hm? I’ll think about it.

Entry 85 –
1784 IST.
 

Spoiler

I can’t believe what I’ve seen today. How could Jack allow this to happen? I just witnessed the Paladins of Xan murder a complete innocent! I watched Diomedes - the smith who forged my husband’s leg - shoot a man in the head for no reason!

I’m still struggling to gather my thoughts. I’m so horrified, I can’t stop crying. When I close my eyes, I see that awful scene replayed over and over again in my mind. I can’t believe it. Are the Paladins of Xan really this heartless? This cold, this cruel, this evil? How could I have ever called them my friends?

It started several weeks ago. Jack had been planning an expedition to the Inferi-tainted lands of Khorvassa. The Inferi - those demons that emerged from the Void - had all but taken over the island of Khorvassa. They’d corrupted the landscape and turned it into a fiery hell. Jack wanted to assess the damage and make some headway into Inferi-occupied territory. He invited me to come along because he thought my water magic might be useful against the Inferi. Of course, I agreed to go without hesitation! If there was anything I can do to help save Arcas and push back the apocalypse, certainly I wanted to do it!

Now, though, I’m not sure… If the fate of Arcas lies in the hands of these wicked people, what are we going to do?

Jack arranged for passage to Khorvassa on board a ship called the Queen Dawn’s Revenge. We boarded the vessel in Sutica and swiftly set sail. Jack assigned me to firefighting duty - just in case the wooden ship had a bad run-in with a fire-flinging demon. He also mentioned the possibility of demonic crocodiles in the waters around Khorvassa. Admittedly, I was a little bit nervous. But I’ve braved the Nether, so… surely I could handle a few crocodiles and some errant wisps of flame!

But the fire wasn’t what I needed to worry about. Instead, it was the other people on the boat.

Diomedes and Velenius, the two Paladins who forged Icroth’s leg, also came on the voyage. An expert alchemist named Dresden de Wees was there too. There were several people clad in elaborate armor with tridents and shields, and even an orc or two. Our ship - the Queen Dawn - was packed to the brim with supplies to aid us in setting up camp in Khorvassa: medicine, food, construction supplies, potions, and more. We had everything we could possibly need to try and survive out there.

As we approached Khorvassa, though, the situation began to look grim. The waters around the Khorvassan isles were thick with a congealed mixture of blood and seaweed. Half-decomposed bodies bobbed limply on the waves, their rot feeding swarms of fish and sea creatures below. A horrible, acrid stink lingered in the air, composed of smoke, blood, and the sweet stink of decay. Looking over the side of the boat and seeing all the gore in the water, I felt sick to my stomach.

While I was watching the waves, though, I spotted something - an object - floating amid all the bodies. It was a wooden barrel, relatively intact, which made it an odd sight among all the destruction. Suddenly, the lid of the barrel popped off… and a pale face emerged from the hole! My heart leapt! It was a living survivor, clad in the uniform of a Khorvassan sailor! On his hip, he carried a standard-issue Khorvassan scimitar.

“There’s a person!” I cried out, pointing urgently to the barrel in the water. Looking back, I shouldn’t have said anything. If I’d kept my mouth shut, the poor man might have survived. But, foolish me, I thought perhaps we could help him. “Man overboard! He looks like he needs help!”

The Paladins all rushed to the starboard side of the ship. I began waving and shouting to the survivor in the barrel, trying to get his attention. “Hello!” I called out as loudly as I could. “Do you need help? Are you sick? Are you injured? What’s your name?”

“Don’t trust it,” one of the other sailors, Kairn, hissed. “It’s likely an aberration. Just kill it.”

I stared at Kairn over my shoulder. “Are you joking?! He’s a survivor! He needs help!”

Kairn sneered derisively at me. “Compassion is a weakness. He is clearly a demon in disguise.”

“You don’t know that!” I barked. Realizing that I couldn’t appeal to his better nature, though, I opted for a more pragmatic approach. “If we help him, he might be able to give us information about what’s going on in Khorvassa. We can’t simply kill him!”

I turned and kept shouting to the survivor. The poor man in the barrel was clearly alive and could certainly hear me, but he was too weak to respond. Whoever he was, it was obvious he had been through Hell and back. His body was thin, wan, and shaking from a lack of nutrition. His lips chapped and peeled with dehydration. He needed help - and I was determined to make sure he got it.

It seems the rest of my shipmates did not agree with me, though. A fellow sailor named Xanthus shook his head. “Even if he’s human, his mind is probably gone from weeks at sea.”

“Give him a test,” Kairn said to Diomedes, who stood next to me at the railing.

“Don’t do that,” I interjected. “He can’t respond! Look, he’s too weak to say anything… I’ve been shouting at him all this time!”

Diomedes opted not to listen to me, though. Instead, he readied his crossbow. “You there!” he bellowed at the survivor floating in the barrel. “Cut yourself with your blade, bleed like a man and you’ll be treated like such.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. They’d seen me shouting at the survivor, trying to get him to respond. They saw with their own eyes that he was too weak to reply. Did Diomedes honestly expect that the survivor would respond to him and not me? That the survivor would somehow magically gain the strength to reply with words, let alone to cut his hand?

“He’s obviously bait,” Kairn hissed.

“He’s not bait!” I pleaded. “He’s a person and he needs help! He’s probably ill and too weak to say anything!”

The survivor in the barrel wasn’t able to respond. Of course he wasn’t. He didn’t even have the strength to lift his head. He probably used the very last of his energy removing the lid from the barrel. His head lolled from side to side as the barrel pitched to and fro on the waves. I tried once more to garner a response from him. “Do you have a name, friend?” I called out, hoping against hope that he’d say something before Diomedes shot him. “Can you hear us? Give us a sign if you can hear us!”

At long last, my words seemed to have an effect. The survivor lifted his head and blinked at me, making eye contact from across the swell of the red waves. He opened his mouth to say something at long last –

But it was too late. Diomedes had run out of patience. “Begone, demon!” he hissed through clenched teeth. “We won’t fall for your foul deceptions!” He pulled the trigger on his crossbow and sent a bolt hurtling toward the survivor. I screamed, but there was nothing I could do. The bolt struck the poor man in the head, killing him instantly. He toppled out of his barrel and plunged into the ocean below, disappearing into nothingness.

I almost lost my mind with rage. On my honor, I have never felt angrier in my entire centuries-long life. “How could you!” I screeched, putting both of my hands on Diomedes’ chest and giving him a shove. “He was an innocent man! He could have had information for us! You just murdered that poor person in cold blood, for no reason!”

Diomedes pushed my hands away. “There was nothing he could tell us aside from the Inferi being dangerous,” he said. “I’m taking no chances.”

“He wasn’t a demon! He was just an ordinary person who needed help - and you murdered him!” I screamed, spittle flying from my lips. “You had no evidence that he was a trap! He was trying to speak with us and you killed him in cold blood!”

“There’s no use screaming over it now,” Tilruir’tir, a wood elven paladin, huffed.

Kairn sneered at me. “He was a dead man anyway, even if he was innocent. There’s no way he would have survived, even if we brought him on board. Better to put the bastard out of his misery.”

My eyes widened. “You don’t know that!” I shrieked at him. “We’re on a ship full of supplies, medicine, potions, doctors, alchemists, and healers! We were the miracle that the poor man was waiting for! And you all just… heartlessly murdered him! You gave him no chance to speak or to defend himself! With no evidence, you… just killed him on the off-chance he might be a demon! And you call yourselves paladins? Aren’t you supposed to be the protectors of Arcas?”

“Silence yourself,” Tilruir’tir barked at me. “I’m tired of your squawking.”

I turned and looked up at Jack, who was standing at the helm near the ship’s wheel. He saw and heard everything, yet he said nothing and did not intervene. No, during this whole scene, Jack had stood completely silent. Was he really going to allow his Paladins to behave like this? The Paladins of Xan swore an oath to be the protectors of all life on Arcas… yet they’d just violated their own vows by slaughtering an innocent. Even if the survivor was actually a trap, we had no way of knowing that. There was no proof that he was anything but an innocent man. Would he really have died so easily if he were a demon? Besides… suppose that he was indeed a demon. We were on a boat with over a dozen of the most powerful warriors in Arcas. Was bringing a single man on board such a risk? How could the Paladins and their allies just murder him without doing one lick of investigation?

I could not bear to stand on the ship’s deck with those people any longer. I fled below deck where I concealed myself until night fell. As afternoon deepened into evening, I heard heavy footsteps coming down the stairs and a voice calling out to me.

“Tanith! Tanith, my dear! Where have you hidden yourself?”

It was Jack’s voice. Reluctant as I was to come out of hiding, I emerged for him. We regarded one another by the low light of a swinging lantern. The ship pitched and rolled beneath us. A low, acidic  nausea burned in my stomach but I did not think it had anything to do with seasickness.

“Jack — what was that up there?” I asked him, throwing my arm out wide. 

Jack grit his teeth and looked away. “I’m sorry you had to see that, Tanith.”

“Why didn’t you stop them? Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked, my voice jumping an octave. “You — you just stood by and let them slaughter that poor sailor, Jack!”

Jack raised his eyes to meet mine. There was no softness in them now. “Because I think they made the right call, Tanith.”
My heart dropped like a stone. “What?”

“You have not fought the Inferi before, so I’ll forgive you for your naïveté,” Jack said quietly, lowering his eyes once again. “The Inferi are as clever as they are brutal. They’ll often use tricks that prey on compassion. If we had brought that man aboard the ship and he turned out to be an Inferi monster in disguise, he might have slaughtered the entire crew. You are a softhearted woman, Tanith. That is one of the things I like best about you. But we cannot afford to have soft hearts. Not here.”

“But — but Jack!” I protested. “What if he wasn’t a monster? What if he was a survivor in need of help?”

“Then — that is the cost of war, I’m afraid,” Jack said solemnly. “Innocents die. We cannot compromise the safety of our mission for the sake of one person.”

“You can’t just treat him like a casualty!” My heart was hammering in my chest. I could hardly believe what my friend was saying. His coldness shocked me. Where was the warmhearted old man I had come to love? “He might have had a family, Jack! People who were hoping and praying he would come home!”

“That’s enough, Tanith.” Jack looked me dead in the eye, his face stern. “I will not hear any more about this. We have an objective to complete and we cannot waste time on trivial incidents.”

“Trivial!” I repeated in horror. “Jack!”

“Tanith, can I trust you to keep yourself together on this mission?” Jack asked me. “Or am I going to have to relieve you of duty?”

“Relieve me of duty? What do you mean?”

“We have a mage on board specializing in voidal translocation. He can send you home via portal tomorrow.”

I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. “You mean, you’re going to take me off the mission because I don’t condone the killing of innocents?”

“I’ll take you off the mission,” Jack stated with chill pragmatism, “because you’re letting your feelings blind you to the realities of combat.”

“Fine!” I yelped. “Send me home! If this is how the Paladins of Xan behave in the field, then — I don’t want to help you! You’re — you’re not the person that I thought you were, Jack.”

Jack’s face twisted as if I had stuck him with a knife. He turned his back on me. “I told you that I was going to hurt you eventually, Tanith. I’m only sorry it happened so soon.” He would not look at me. His eyes were downcast, his shaggy grey hair hanging over his face. “Go to your bunk and sleep. I’ll have the mages send you back home first thing in the morning.” With that, he tromped off, his heavy boots thudding against the wood.

I took his advice, diary. I went back to my bunk and wept.

Long ago, when I served the White Rose, I turned a blind eye toward their cruelty and inhumanity. I shut my eyes and ears to the horrors regularly committed by the Roses. I made excuses and justifications for why it was acceptable. I convinced myself that the elves deserved their fate.

Years later, I realized exactly what I’d done. By sitting idly by and justifying the acts that that Roses had committed, I was complicit. By doing nothing, I played a hand in the genocide of my own race. When those realizations hit me - years and years later - I felt so evil and wicked that I wanted to die. In my mind, I always envisioned myself as a good person. But what truly good person can allow wickedness to happen right in front of her… and say nothing?

I swore that I would never turn a blind eye to cruelty ever again. Today, I witnessed an act of heinous inhumanity. But what do I do? If I go public with what I saw, Icroth might suffer the consequences. After all, my husband is a Paladin of Xan and a student of Jack. If the Paladins can heartlessly murder an innocent man, what’s to stop them from killing Icroth? From killing me? From killing my friends?

Does Xan really condone wanton murder…? If so… is he really the aengul of light and justice? Or just another monster in disguise?
I’m so frightened, I could weep. I have to tell people what happened. Celestine and the NGS expected me to go on that expedition with the Paladins and return with Inferi samples. But I can’t go now – not on board a ship full of murderers and their accomplices. That’s asking the impossible! But if I tell people what I know, I risk retaliation from the Paladins. There’s no telling what they might do!

I suppose… I’ll write this here now.

My name is Tanith Vursur and I am of sound mind and good health. If I or my husband, Icroth Vursur, die or vanish under mysterious circumstances – please investigate the Paladins of Xan!

Entry 86 –
1784 IST.
 

Spoiler

I keep imagining what that poor man in the barrel must have felt right before he died. When I close my eyes, I see myself in that dark and tiny space. My hands brace against the rough-hewn walls as the waves batter against me. There’s no room to stretch my legs. My knees are pressed tight against my chest, each muscle and joint aching from the strain. It’s hot and damp. The air around me is heavy with moisture. Water sloshes at my feet. Not just water, but mixed with unspeakable froths of red and pink. It stinks in here - not only my own sweat, urine, and feces, but the smell of rot all around me - the remains of my fellow sailors, destroyed systematically by the Inferi. Everything is pitch dark, except for some flickers of light seen between the cracks of my barrel. I don’t dare to stick my head out because, if the Inferi so much as scent me, it could mean the end. Food? In times like these, a man must do without. Water? Well, in a pinch, there are some sources that can keep me alive - even if disgusting. Dignity doesn’t exist in the confines of this place. This barrel is Hell but it’s also the only thing keeping me alive.

I’ve endured this torment for God knows how long. The entire time, I’ve been praying, ceaselessly praying, begging God almighty for mercy. I pray that I might wash up on a friendly shore - somewhere I can find food, water, and supplies to treat my wounds. I pray that one of our allies might fish me out of the water. I have friends and family waiting on my return. The only thing keeping me sane is the thought of their smiles. I cannot wait to tell my young son about how Papa survived the Inferi slaughter by climbing into a barrel. When we’re together once more, he’ll hug me and tell me I’m a hero.

At long last, there’s a sound from outside of my wooden prison. Hope, that battered and tired old thing, springs to life in my heart. With what last little strength I have, I push the lid off my barrel and expose myself to the blazing Khorvassan sun. The light sears my eyes and it takes several minutes to adjust. When I come to, I see a massive, beautiful ship flying Sutican colors. At last! I made it! They’ll save me! I can go home!

And then… they shoot me dead.

…

It’s horrible, isn’t it? I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve seen plenty of bloodshed in my life - far more than my fair share. Yet, somehow, the Paladins of Xan took the cake. It really is a special kind of horrifying. That sailor thought we were going to save him. His final moments were full of hope - a hope that the Paladins viciously dashed.

I haven’t been able to tell anyone what I saw yet.

After Jack sent me home via magic, I started unpacking our boxes. Icroth and I planned to move into the Paladins’ new compound in the Pale, but there’s no way that’s happening now. Icroth had been out on business when I returned. He found me taking our knickknacks out of their wrapping paper and putting them methodically back on the shelves. “Tanith, what are you doing back? I thought you were going with Jack to Khorvassa,” he said as he watched me from the doorway. “Why are you unpacking all our things, dear? We’re moving…”

“No, we’re not,” I said quietly and hoarsely, not even turning to look at him.

Icroth isn’t the kind of man who pries. He didn’t press me further. Instead, he just stooped and began unpacking the boxes with me. We ate dinner in silence that night and went to bed without another word. I know I have to tell him what his fellow Paladins have done, but how?

Icroth is a lot like me. His past is filled with horrendous bloodshed and wrongful death. After all, he was a soldier for Oren, fighting in some of humanity’s pettiest squabbles. Icroth took lives in those meaningless, empty wars and he regrets his actions to this day. He joined the Paladins of Xan in hopes of finding a new path - one protecting the innocent rather than murdering in service of a corrupt state. He’s going to be devastated when I tell him what I saw. We thought the Paladins of Xan had morals and a cause to uphold, but it turns out they’re no better than any morally bankrupt backwater mercenary guild.

What am I going to do? I can’t keep this knowledge to myself. I have to go public, even if it means putting myself at risk. There needs to be some justice for that poor nameless man in the barrel. Something better than dashed hopes and a watery grave.

Entry 87 –
1784 IST.

 

Spoiler

Several weeks ago, at our yearly NGS meetings, Celestine proposed the idea of taking a field trip. She thought a group outing would help build up good relationships between the members. A lot of us don’t know each other very well outside the NGS. I proposed that we visit the sunken city of Arcadia. Juan and I visited Arcadia many years ago and it’s still one of my happiest memories with him. The coral reefs were so beautiful and full of life - not to mention all the shipwrecks packed with untold treasure. Celestine thought it was a marvelous idea and we made plans for a two-day trip to explore the reef.

Unfortunately, the trip conflicted with Jack’s expedition to Khorvassa. Although I wanted to go, I gave Celestine my regrets. Investigating the Inferi took precedent, after all. Celestine understood, of course, and wished me luck. (More specifically, she told me “Don’t you dare die out there, Tanith Vursur!”)

But after what happened on the expedition, I found my schedule suddenly cleared up. Icroth noticed that I’ve been in a bad mood for the last few days, so he proposed we join the NGS for their beach trip. He thought the sun and the sea might lift my spirits. I still haven’t told him exactly what’s troubling me, but… he knows there’s something wrong. And I’m sure he knows it has something to do with the expedition to Khorvassa.

We packed up our rucksacks and traveled to the museum in Reza, where the NGS would be meeting for the trip. Celestine lifted an eyebrow when she saw me walk in. “Tanith, I thought for certain you’d be in Khorvassa by now!” she exclaimed. “Did the Paladin expedition get delayed?”

I blanched, unsure of what to say. I didn’t want to spoil the good mood of the trip, so I deflected. “Erm… maybe… we can talk about that later,” I mumbled, avoiding Celestine’s eye. Celestine frowned, but thankfully dropped the subject.

From there, we waited for the others to come. Chirr would be tagging along with Celestine as usual. Zodd Calliban decided to attend too. A few of Celestine’s friends whom I hadn’t met before, Ania, Henriette, and Caspia, also joined us. Otto wasn’t among us, which surprised me, but I suppose he was home looking after the triplets. Once our full party was assembled, we set off in the direction of the south seas.

We took the long walk from Reza down to Aegorothond in the south. From there, we climbed onto a chartered ferry and set sail for Arcadia. Our ferry’s route happened to pass near Khorvassa - though the captain made sure to give it a wide berth so as not to incite the Inferi. Even so, I could still see the distant smoke and catch whiffs of rot upon the wind. Turning to Icroth, I lowered my voice and whispered – “There’s something I need to tell you later when we get a moment alone,” I said. “It’s important.”

“Is it the reason why you’ve been acting strange lately?” he asked me. I nodded.

The ferry ride took a few hours. Arcadia can be a bit stormy, but – thankfully – the weather decided to have mercy on us. Warm sunshine beamed down upon the ferry deck. Cool, salty breezes ruffled our hair. For the first time in several days, I felt myself calm down and relax a bit. I leaned over the ferry railing and watched the water slip past beneath us.

As we drew closer to the sunken city, the murky ocean waters became as clear and glassy as crystal. The ferry floated past beautiful corals and schools of colorful fish. It was just as I remembered it - a mermaid’s jewel box. The coral grew so tall and colorful - and the water so perfectly clear - it was like flying over an enchanted, alien forest. Unable to resist the call of that underwater grove, we ducked into the ferry’s cabin and changed into our swimming clothes. The boat cast anchor near a partially-sunken building where we decided to make our camp. Leaving our rucksacks at our newly-established campsite, we dove into the warm waves and swam for the ruins of the sunken city.

At the heart of Arcadia is a large underwater structure - a dome - that Celestine and I believe to be a Voidal Heath. Large, glowing manta rays - the exact same species as the ones in the canyon at Krugmar - swim through the waters around the dome, letting out mournful cries. We believe these rays, which we’ve taken to calling Voidal Rays or Heathseeker Rays, are attracted to arcane energy and gather in places where it’s strongest.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t dive deep enough to reach the dome. But there were still plenty of things to explore.

Among the ruins, we found some abandoned campsites where people had come to study the sunken city. As we were investigating, a pod of dolphins swam past and chirped at us. They were very friendly and allowed us to get quite close to them - so I think they must have encountered travelers before! Chirr unfortunately scared the dolphins off when she cannonball dived into the water, but it was still wonderful to see them. We also encountered a large group of sea turtles migrating past the city. Icroth was able to swim close enough to touch one!

By then, though, it had begun to grow cold and we sought shelter at our campsite. Celestine started up a campfire. I brought a few cooking supplies and whipped us up some food over the fire - beans, baked potatoes, bacon, roast chicken, some fresh fish caught from the reef. We ate together and dried out by the fire while Zodd and Henriette told scary stories. Worn out from swimming, we fell into a warm, comfortable slumber.

I woke up to feel Icroth nudging me awake. I blinked sleepily up at him as pre-dawn light filtered through the ruins. “I heard something outside,” he warned me, his voice low. “Sounded like giggling… and I can’t find Celestine.”

I looked around and noticed that Celestine’s sleeping bag was empty. Icroth and I got to our feet and went outside. Chirr, a light sleeper, heard us moving around and ventured out as well.

“Maybe Celestine just went to the ladies’ room,” I suggested. “She’ll probably be back soon.”

“Giggling could have been a seagull,” Icroth grunted. “Sorry to have woken you two.”

Suddenly, I felt a small object strike the back of my head - hard enough to startle, but not enough to hurt. I looked down to find a seashell laying at my feet. I stooped down to pick it up. “Did someone throw this at me?” I mumbled, squinting at the shell. But then, a realization hit me. “Celestine! She must be playing a prank on us!” I laughed. “Celestine, come out! We’re onto you!”

Icroth let out a huff of a laugh. “That rascal.”

“Suppose she’s somewhere tossing shells at us,” Chirr grunted, looking around.

At that moment, three more shells came hurtling out of nowhere and struck all of us at once! We yelped in surprise. Icroth whirled around just in time to see a green-skinned, finned figure with oily black hair disappearing underneath the water. Strange, watery giggling filled the air. “Erm… crew… I don’t think that’s Celestine…”

The night before, we had been sharing stories about mermaids, but none of us believed for a second they could be real. But then, the green, scaled woman surfaced once more a short distance away. She smiled - her mouth full of strange, needle-shaped teeth like those of a whale - and lifted a hand in greeting to us. Around her neck, she wore jewelry of Orenian make - which gave us the impression that we weren’t the first land dwellers she’d ever met. All at once, Icroth, Chirr, and I started hooting and exclaiming.

 

“Mermaid! It’s a mermaid!”

 

Zodd, Ania, Henriette, and Caspia all stirred from their slumbers and headed outside to see what the commotion was about.

The mermaid spoke to us in a language we couldn’t understand. She waved and beckoned for us to join her in the water. We were hesitant at first, unsure if she meant good or ill. None of us could translate her fish-speech. “It seems like she wants to play,” I said. “And if she means harm, well… there are more of us than there are of her.” So with that, I slipped into the water and paddled my way over to the mermaid. One by one, everyone else followed me.

The mermaid darted off through the waves and we swam after her. She led us to a grove of coral where the barnacle-encrusted remains of a shipwreck lay nestled in the sand. She touched her necklace, then pointed to the ship… before disappearing as swiftly as she had appeared!

Moments later, Celestine emerged from the shipwreck! She had gone out for a morning swim by herself and stumbled across the wreckage. She’d meant to come back and wake us up so we could see it for ourselves… but the mermaid beat her to the punch! She was very upset she’d missed the chance to meet a real-life mermaid.

Naturally, we spent our second day exploring and playing among the wreckage and the coral. We didn’t find any more treasure, though Zodd managed to retrieve an old, waterlogged tricorn from a fish-eaten skeleton. I sunned myself on the prow of the ship sticking out of the water. Surrounded by the warm sun, calm wind, and clear seas… I almost forgot about what happened onboard the Queen Dawn’s Revenge.

That night, we packed up our things and prepared to return home. As we rode the ferry back to Aegorothond, Icroth approached me as I leaned on the railing. “What was it that you wanted to tell me?” he asked, his voice low. “It’s about the Paladins. That’s why you abandoned the expedition.”

The happy glow of the trip still lay over me. I stared down at the water slipping past beneath us. “I’m… going to write a letter about it,” I mumbled. “I’m going to publish it when we get home. People need to know what happened. I just hope it doesn’t come back to haunt us.”

“Whatever happened, I’m on your side,” he said, reaching over and clasping my hand. “I love you, Tanith.”

I looked up into his icy blue eyes. “I love you too,” I said softly, my voice almost drowned out by the gentle rush and crash of the waves.

Tomorrow, we’ll be back in Helena and I’ll have published my letter. What happens next, I don’t know. There’s got to be some fallout for all of this. I don’t know what yet, though.

Entry 88 –
1784 IST.

 

Spoiler

I did it – I published my letter to the Paladins of Xan. Unfortunately, it… did not get the response I was hoping for. I thought that if I laid the situation out in plain ink, Jack would see how demented the whole thing had been. Maybe he didn’t realize what they’d done in the heat of the moment. Maybe he was stunned by his students’ behavior and didn’t know how to react. Jack is – or was, perhaps – my friend and I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. But Jack’s reply to my letter was the same as every other Paladin’s. Nothing but justifications and excuses.

The Paladins didn’t address any of the points I made in my letter. Their arguments can be summed up as follows - “It was a hard and unfortunate choice to have to kill the survivor, but we were worried he may be a demonic trap, so therefore our actions are justified.”

My main point was that they didn’t do enough investigation prior to making their decision to kill the man. They decided to kill him mere seconds after seeing him. Within actual ticks of the clock, they concluded that he was a trap and therefore needed to die. How can anyone make such a significant decision in the blink of an eye? How could they decide to take a life so cavalierly? There were so many other things they could have done beforehand to determine whether or not to save him. They could have used magic to investigate safely from a distance. Someone could have rowed out in a rowboat and gotten a closer look. At the very least, if they didn’t want to bring the man aboard, we could have thrown him some food, water, and medical supplies - not to mention a paddle. There were a hundred things we could have done besides merely deciding to kill him. If Diomedes had an itchy trigger finger, he could have shot a hole in the barrel to see if it exploded - rather than shooting the man himself. (For some reason, the Paladins were just convinced that the barrel had to be rigged with explosives… Where they got that idea, I don’t know! There was no evidence and they didn’t investigate!)

Good men investigate situations thoroughly before making their choice. Brutes and tyrants make snap decisions based on fear an paranoia, then use that fear to retroactively justify their cruelty. In the Empire, we have trials and courts because we don’t want to make snap decisions based on paranoia. We want to make sure the right people are punished and that no innocent dies needlessly. That is real justice.

It all sets a disturbing precedent among the Paladins. It seems to me that… that they believe they’re licensed to kill anyone they want. If they so much as suspect demonic corruption, they’re allowed to kill. To Hell with investigation. To Hell with innocent until proven guilty. To Hell with trying to save anyone who is ‘corrupted!’ If they catch so much as a whiff of ‘demonic corruption’ (whatever THAT is! Does it have a definition? Or is demonic corruption just… anything the Paladins don’t like?), they’re allowed to execute without remorse. And what happens if they end up slaughtering an innocent? Why, there’s no punishment. No apology. No regret.

Who endowed them with the authority to murder anyone they don’t like? It certainly wasn’t the government! Is it Xan? Is Xan really fine with the wanton slaughter of anyone and everyone, including innocents? I just can’t see that! It doesn’t make sense to me at all!

Thank God Icroth isn’t like them.

I returned home from errands today to find Icroth reading over the letter I had posted. He sat at the dinner table with his head in his hands, the flyer spread out in front of him. “Tanith, is this all true?” he asked me, lifting his icy blue eyes to meet mine.
I nodded solemnly. “It’s true.”

Icroth leaned back in his chair, staring into empty space. “No… no, no no… This is unacceptable,” he murmured. “I joined the Paladins of Xan to avoid this kind of nightmare again.”

Setting my purse aside, I rushed to his side and sat down next to him, taking his rough, work-worn hands in mine. There, on his face, I could see all his old memories playing out once more. The memories of the innocents he killed in wartime. The villages he razed. The lives lost by his hand - and how much he regretted each one.

“No one else seems to understand why it was wrong,” I said.

“Diomedes is a murderer, plain and simple,” Icroth growled, his face hardening into a look of hate and disgust. “He killed an innocent. A violation of the Fifth Creed of Xan.” He turned toward me with those piercing eyes and I felt a chill go down my spine. “Have the Paladins responded to your letter yet?”

I dropped my gaze to the table. “Everyone in your order seems to think the murder was justified because ‘it might have been a trap’,” I muttered, my voice shaking. “No one admits that it was wrong. They’re… acting as if they had to make some difficult moral choice and they erred on the side of caution, but… Icroth! They didn’t investigate at all! They just decided immediately to kill him! And they probably would have killed him sooner if I hadn’t begged and pleaded for them to stop!”

Icroth shook his head, his lip curling into a sneer. “If they decided it was a trap with zero investigation, then they’re awful at their duties,” he replied. “And since their snap judgment resulted in needless death, then it’s murder. Manslaughter at the very best.”

My throat tightened and I felt like I wanted to cry. “Thank God you understand,” I whispered. “I worried I was going crazy. Like… what happened wasn’t actually a serious matter. But it is, isn’t it?”

“Diomedes violated our creeds,” Icroth said. “If he’s so terrified of the enemy that he’s willing to abandon his oaths to Xan, then he’s not a Paladin. He’s a coward and a killer. Our own patron, the aengul himself, chastised us not too long ago for failing to enact his will.”

My eyes widened as I looked up. “Xan came down and scolded you?”

Icroth nodded. “Just before this expedition.”

My mouth dropped open in shock. “And they still chose to act this way?”

“This is yet another failure by the Order,” Icroth sighed. “If they keep failing this way, they’re little better than hired swords.”

“What will we do, Icroth?” I asked him, my voice pleading. “They think they’re allowed to kill anyone at all. They’ve closed ranks around Diomedes and insist the murder was justified based on suspicion and paranoia alone. If you take my side… they might retaliate against you. Against both of us.”

Icroth raised a brow. “Are they that far gone? Would they take the side of Diomedes, who clearly and blatantly broke a tenet, over the side of two people who’ve done nothing wrong?”

“Icroth…” I said, my eyes darting fearfully around the room. “They already have.”

Icroth withdrew his hand from mine and folded his arms across his chest. He gazed out across the empty table and let out a long, slow sigh from his nose. “We need to talk to Jack about this,” he determined at length. “Maybe Jack simply doesn’t understand your reasoning. Or perhaps he saw something that you did not. But either way, we cannot hope to change the Paladins’ minds without Jack.”

“But he said that the murder was necessary to protect the ship,” I replied. “When the whole thing was unfolding, he didn’t intervene. All he did was stand there.”

“I’m praying that maybe he knew something you did not, Tanith,” Icroth explained. “Perhaps he was able to sense some demonic taint on the sailor. I don’t know. I can’t speak to his motives. Nonetheless, I believe you may be able to remedy this. I don’t want Diomedes cut from the Order, or to be hurt. I want him to fix this problem, and learn from it - lest the reputation of the Paladins be sullied…”

I choked up and began to cry. “Icroth, I’m afraid they’ll kill me!”

“If they harmed a single hair on your head, Oren would bury them,” Icroth said, reaching over to grip my arm. “And Jack would never hurt you. I’m sure of it.”

I wasn’t so sure of that anymore. I swallowed hard and tried to stifle my tears. “M-Maybe I’ll meet with Jack here… in Helena. On neutral ground,” I hiccuped. “God, Icroth. I’m so sorry I got you into this. Part of me wishes I’d just kept my mouth shut, but… I can’t. I turned a blind eye so many times in the past. I let the White Rose murder my people and I said nothing. I can’t… I can’t keep saying nothing.”

Icroth stood up from his chair. He closed the distance between us two and knelt next to me. “I understand, Tanith,” he said, taking both my hands in his. “I did the same once and it cost me everything. But no more. I will never allow convenience - or my cowardice - to allow me to compromise my values. I became a Paladin, specifically to adhere to strict, holy tenets for the rest of my life. To know I am always, unequivocally, doing good works. I’ll continue to follow those morals for the rest of my life - whether or not the people around me choose to do so. I will never lift a violent hand against an innocent - ever.”

I managed a small smile. “This is why I know I did the right thing when I married you. You’re like me. We’ve seen what happens when people compromise their values… and we won’t let it happen again.”

Icroth smiled at me in return - that rare smile of his that seems to shine with some inner light. “Aye. I love you, Tanith. I want you to stay safe - and always fight for what is right.”

“I’ll… write to Jack…” I began hesitatingly. “And see if I can’t get him to understand. Maybe together we can make him see.”
Icroth lifted my hands to his lips and kissed them. “Good. I believe in you, Tanith.”

“I just hope he doesn’t brush me off as a stupid, silly girl,” I said quietly. “Icroth, I’m scared. I’m not sure I’m brave enough to face Jack, especially by myself…”

“Tanith,” Icroth began, standing up to his full height. “You are without a doubt the bravest woman I know.”

I stared up at him, so shocked that I forgot my tears. “What? Me?”

“You were brave on that boat when you told them not to kill the survivor,” Icroth elaborated. “You were brave when you published that letter condemning their actions. You’re brave for going to meet with Jack. And that is why I love you.”

I rose shakily to my feet and we embraced. I’ve never thought of myself as a particularly brave person before. If you asked me to describe myself, I’d say that opposite. I can be a little fragile… and I cry easily… and I’m a worrywart. But if Icroth says I’m brave, then I’ll trust him. If no one else is willing to stand up and do the right thing, then it has to be me.

 

Tanith's Letter To Jack
 

Spoiler

Dear Jack,

I hope the expedition into Korvassa is proceeding smoothly and you’re finding out a lot about the Inferi threat. If you have a moment to step away from your work there, I think you and I might need to talk about what took place on the boat.

It’s my firm belief that, by doing what he did, Diomedes violated the Fifth Creed of Xan and needs to undergo the process of Redemption. The man in the barrel was an innocent who needed our help. Even if he was suspicious, the Paladins should have done more to investigate the situation rather than making a snap judgment that resulted in a needless death.

What happened was wrong and it really needs to be made right. Paladins should be held to higher standards than this. You all have been endowed with the powers of Xan and that’s supposed to be a privilege. The old adage goes: “To whom much is given, much is expected.”

Jack, I know that you’re a man of moral character who wants to do the right thing. I want to help you do the right thing, but I can’t abide by the slaughter of innocents based on snap judgments and paranoia…

I hope we can talk about this and figure out a way to fix what happened.

Signed,
Your Friend,
Tanith

Entry 89 –
1785 IST.
 

Spoiler

I’m stuck and I don’t know what to do.

Jack responded to my letter. He says he takes full responsibility for what Diomedes did, but… that’s not what I want. I want Diomedes to take responsibility and make things right. This is just another excuse for Jack to protect his students and his Order. The responses to my letter revealed a deep flaw in the Paladins’ attitudes and ideology. They think they can just kill anyone they like on nothing more than empty suspicion and paranoia. No investigation, no due process – just killing on a whim. Jack can’t just shrug this off. He needs to correct it - not just in Diomedes, but in every Paladin who thinks that way. The Paladins have been gifted holy powers by a real aengul. With that power comes the responsibility to use it well and not to hurt innocents.

Jack wants me to visit their camp in Khorvassa. He said Icroth and I can take a ferry from Aegorothond. I feel like I’m in a bad position here. If I want to see justice done, I have to travel into the heart of Inferi territory to a Paladin controlled camp. In other words, I’ll be completely under their power. They can do whatever they want to me. And I have to go by myself. Icroth and I agreed not to meet with the Paladins together, just in case they’re planning to kill us. That way, if one of us dies, the other one will still be alive to seek justice.

Jack said he won’t be returning to the mainland until his campaign against the Inferi is over, which means I cannot possibly meet with him in neutral territory. So I’ve got no recourse except to enter into a camp full of hostile Paladins who may very well want me dead.

I feel like I would be foolish to go. But if I don’t, then nothing will ever come of what I saw on the boat. Diomedes won’t be punished. The Paladins will continue acting like trigger-happy, bloodthirsty mercenaries. Nobody will ever correct them or hold them accountable for their actions.

But I’m so scared. I don’t want to die. The Paladins are capable of anything and there’s no telling what they might do to me. They’ve proven themselves to be remorseless killers. They could easily make up some excuse about me being tainted by demonic corruption.

So there are two options before me. I can either walk boldly into the lion’s den and face what could potentially be my death. Or… I can stay home and let the matter rest. It’s unlikely that I could change anyone’s mind. The Paladins clearly weren’t convinced by my open letter. So they probably won’t be convinced by an in-person visit either.

But if someone doesn’t stand up and call them on their actions, no one will. Perhaps I’ll write to Jack again and ask that he guarantee my safety. I’m not sure how much I can trust him, but… it’s good to leave a paper trail in case I disappear, I think…

Jack once told me that he had a habit of hurting his friends. He was worried one day he might hurt me too. If I were a more sensible woman, I’d have seen that for the clear warning it was.

 

Letters Between Tanith and Jack
 

Spoiler

Dear Tanith -

As expedition leader and Seeker, I take full responsibility for Diomedes’s actions.

 

If you wish to see this matter resolved, come with Icroth to the Last Light Camp, located in Khorvassa where we are all currently stationed. I am not expected to visit the mainland until the campaign is over.

You can board the ferry the White Rooster from Aegorothond, they sail once every 2 weeks.

-J

 

 

Dear Jack,

I hope you’ll understand, but I won’t venture to your camp in Khorvassa unless you can guarantee that none of your Paladins will take hostile action against me.

Since I’ve spoken out publicly, I fear there’s a chance of retaliation. I would much prefer to meet on neutral ground to minimize any risk to my person. But if I must rendezvous with you at your camp in Khorvassa, I need your oath that no harm will come to me caused by any member of your Order.

Sincerely,
Your Friend,

 Tanith

 

Dear Tanith,

A mission has gone horribly wrong, and Diomedes has been captured and possibly killed by Inferi. I’ll keep you posted on his fate.
I wont be returning to Helena until the campaign is over, or I’m dead. Tell Icroth I’m still waiting for him.

-J

Entry 90 –
1785 IST.
 

Spoiler

I know just what Jack is going to say if Diomedes is rescued from the Inferi. “He’s been punished enough, Tanith. There’s no need for more.”

I don’t want Diomedes to suffer, mind you. I don’t think anyone deserves to suffer. Truly, I hope he survives his captivity and comes out no worse for wear. Even so, just because he suffered at the hands of the Inferi doesn’t mean he’s off the hook for his other crimes! He needs to make things right! Diomedes needs to redeem himself for what he’s done!

Unfortunately, the likelihood of him ever facing justice grows slimmer by the day. The Paladins won’t do anything. I know they won’t. They’ll protect their man to the last breath, never admitting any sort of wrongdoing. I’ve completely lost my faith in them. Jack couldn’t promise me safety if I ventured to the Last Light Camp in Khorvassa, so Icroth and I agreed. It’s too dangerous for me to go, especially alone.

Icroth and I still need to decide what to do when the Paladins return from Khorvassa. Icroth still needs more training. He hasn’t yet mastered his Paladin abilities. Yet… how can he learn from these people? I don’t think I can tolerate being around the Paladins any longer. Icroth is just like me. He’s seen more than his fair share of needless slaughter. He won’t tolerate it anymore, especially from people who style themselves as the protectors of the innocent. Not to mention there’s the matter of his leg. If Icroth stops his paladin training, will his leg cease functioning? He needs that leg.

We’re in such a bind. It’s terrible. It would be easier to just let it go. To forget our morals and move on. But just because something is easy doesn’t make it right.

The Paladins won’t ever bring Diomedes to justice but that doesn’t mean I can’t enact my own sort of retribution. I’m going to make sure everyone, everywhere, knows what he did.

Today was our yearly NGS meeting - and I told them all exactly what happened.

It’s a monumental time for the Empire. Peter III passed away recently from throat cancer. While we mourn his loss, we also celebrate the ascent of a new monarch. His daughter, Anne I, was crowned as Oren’s first Emress Regnant. In all my years, I never thought I would see a woman sitting on the throne of Oren… yet the time has finally come. It’s a symbol of our modern Empire and I couldn’t be more proud of my nation, honestly. I remember, years ago, I used to be so flummoxed by this modern world where women enjoyed such freedoms. But now I’ve become a modern woman myself. This is a time to celebrate Orenian womanhood in all its glorious strength and femininity. In honor of the Empress’s coronation, the NGS is going to open a new exhibit in the Helena Museum. We’ll be renovating the third floor and turning it into a gallery honoring the Greatest Women of Orenian History. Celestine asked me to write a section on ancient women. I’ll be covering Dawn Perea, Empress Ari, Licia Horen, and, of course, my good friend Lorin Chivay. I hope to portray them accurately.

I’m also considering writing an ethnography on the elves of Siramenor. Siramenor is a place that’s grown close to my heart. The wood elves have always been so charming and welcoming to me. I’d like to pay them tribute by writing about them – and hopefully learning more about their culture in the process.

Celestine and I also recently co-authored a study on the Nether. Celestine wrote the introduction, as well as sections on the environment and the ruins. As for me, I wrote a bit about the creatures found within the Nether. I was particularly proud of the part about the Lava Slugs. We had a great deal of experience fighting the Lava Slugs, so I was able to write about them with confidence and authority. Our study made an enormous splash and attracted a lot of attention. Because it was so well received, we decided at last that we’d make another expedition into the Red Realm. I volunteered to go without hesitation. There’s no way I’m letting my friends go through that portal without a strong water evocationist on their side.

As we discussed our future descents through the portal, I remembered what happened with the Paladins of Xan. I raised my hand in the middle of the meeting. “Can I say something?” I asked. “About… the portal.”

Celestine acknowledged me from the podium.

“Of course, Tanith. Speak freely.”

I looked over the gathered faces in the amphitheater. It was one of our more well-attended meetings with over twelve people, new faces and old. “If you all didn’t know,” I began, glancing down and picking at my nails. “The portal to the Nether is located at Luxem, in a camp controlled by the Paladins of Xan… I was going to visit Khorvassa with the Paladins as a representative of the NGS, to study the Inferi, but my trip was cut short because of a truly horrific incident.”

Whispers filled the amphitheater. Celestine raised an eyebrow. “Would you care to elaborate on that, Tanith?” she asked.

“I don’t want to take up too much time,” I mumbled. “But… in short… I witnessed them murder an innocent man. One of the Paladins, Diomedes, shot him in the head with a crossbow.”

Henriette - a new member of the Circle - let out a gasp. “Deplorable,” she hissed. “The Paladins have always thought themselves above common decency.”

Celestine’s eyes widened in horror. “Those hypocritical barbarians!”

Icroth simply shook his head in disgust. Zodd, who was smoking, let out a startled splutter of a cough.

I continued, bolstered by their reactions. “None of the paladins - besides my husband here,” I said, gesturing to Icroth, “expressed any regret or remorse for their actions. I tried to get them to enact justice on the murderer but they refused. In fact, they seem to believe they have the license to murder anyone they like even on the slightest suspicion. Since the Portal to the Nether is located at the heart of a Paladin encampment… we must use extreme caution. They might very well try to kill us if they suspect… ‘demonic taint.’ Whatever that is. But luckily, more of them are currently in Khorvassa.”

Icroth raised a hand. “Pardon my interjection, but – we do have their permission to visit Luxem and explore the portal. Or, at least, we did. Even so, Tanith brings up a good point. It’s shameful to admit, but many of my fellow Paladins are loose cannons.”

Edward Napier clicked his tongue and toyed with his mustache. “Perhaps a bit of teamwork with the ISA may do well to keep our members safe.”

“They’d claim a bowl of porridge was cursed with demonic taint if it somehow got in their way,” Henriette huffed.

“Hrm,” Celestine sighed. “Well, we must keep in mind that it is Haensi land they’re squatting on. They don’t own Luxem. Haense does. So any trouble will not be tolerated. If they brought harm to us, the Empire would retaliate tenfold. After all…” She flashed a wry grin. “I’m a member of the Imperial Cabinet.”

Lauritz Christiansen grimaced. (He’s back from his trip abroad. I was very glad to see him.) “Say that to the crossbow bolt, Celestine.”

“I just want everyone to be as cautious as possible when dealing with them,” I said. “There’s really no telling what they might do. Especially after I called them on their behavior publicly.”

Edward sniffed. “If they touch you, they’ll find the scourge of Imperial sabers far more biting than the Inferi.”

Their reassurances put me at ease, though I’ll admit I’m still worried. Thank God the NGS understands what happened. A part of me worried that I was crazy and blowing things out of proportion. I’m glad and relieved my friends are on my side. On that note, we ended the meeting.

My hope is that we can get into the Nether and conduct our studies without running afoul of the Paladins. I don’t know what I’ll do – what I’ll say – if I have to face Jack again. His letters made it sound as though he’ll be away in Khorvassa for a long time yet.

I don’t want to believe that Jack is so lacking in morals that he’d let Diomedes slide without discipline. In my heart, I want to think of Jack as a good person who only wants the best. You can’t lose sight of your convictions, even in times like these. Especially in times like these. The darker the world becomes, the more we need to hold onto the light and good.

I hope he feels the same, wherever he is.

 

Entry 91 –
1785 IST.
 

Spoiler

Since there’s nothing I can do about the Paladins of Xan - at least not at the moment - I’ve decided to move on for the time being. I can’t do anything while the Paladins are abroad fighting the Inferi, so I ought to save my energy for when they return. Not to mention there are about a dozen other projects that require my attention.

I’ve started work on my survey of historical women. The pamphlet on Lorin is already complete and ready for the museum exhibit. It was easy enough to write - no research needed! All I had to do was double-check a few dates. The other pamphlets will be a bit more difficult. I knew Ari personally - well enough to even call her my friend - but my memory of her has faded over the years. I’ll need some refreshing. As for Dawn and Licia, I never met them even if I lived at the same time as them. Seems I’ll be hitting the books once again.

Life is so funny. If you told me 300 years ago that I’d end up becoming a scholar and historian, I would have laughed! I never thought of myself as an intellectual. No, I was just a common working woman! I still don’t think of myself as particularly smart. It just goes show – you can be good at anything if you’re willing to work hard. That’s how I became a mage and that’s how I’ve become a historian!

Lately, I’ve also begun work on my ethnography of Siramenor. For the last few days, I’ve been studying Celestine’s ethnographies and preparing a list of subjects to address in my investigation of Siramenor. I’d like to present an accurate portrait of the Mali’ame. Their culture is multifaceted and tied deeply to their land and their faith. I’ll need to address all the different parts of their lifestyle - from their religion to their food, architecture, art, and dance. Everything informs everything else, weaving a beautiful and intricate tapestry.

With my questions prepared, I finally ventured to Siramenor today. I even wore Mali’ame style clothes so I could fit in better with the locals! The outfit was a bit more revealing than I’m used to, but… well, we must occasionally make sacrifices for our work! I started getting nervous as I drew closer to Siramenor, though. I found myself wishing I’d asked Celestine for help. I wasn’t sure how to approach the elves, how to phrase my questions… I didn’t want to offend, after all. Or worse, come across as ignorant. Although I hate to admit it, I still have some deep-seated prejudices against other elves. I’ve worked to undo my biases over the years, but some things are difficult to shake.

I decided that the direct approach was best. My experiences with the Mali’ame had been positive so far. A few of them even know me by name. If I was honest and upfront about my intentions, maybe they’d respond in kind. So I marched into Siramenor ready to ask my questions to the first elf I saw.

The first elf I ran into was a woman named Renae Arvellon. She was blonde and fair - a Mali’aheral, I think. I approached her with hand outstretched and made my intentions clear.

“Hello!” I blurted out. “Sorry to disturb you! My name is Tanith and I’m hoping to speak with someone about what life is like here in Siramenor!”

Just my luck - she brushed me off. “You ought to seek out the steward,” she said. “He’s better at explaining things than I am.”

I thanked her for her time and made my way to the square, where they held the Festival of the Springmother some years ago. There was a dark elf in armor sitting near the fire. I approached him, prepared with my questions. “Hello!” I said brightly. “Do you live around here, sir? Would you mind if I asked you a few questions about what it’s like here?”

He eyed me suspiciously. “Not a resident, merely a visitor. Though Siramenor is close to my heart. And your name, miss…?” he said, narrowing his gaze.

I offered him a smile, trying my best to be as friendly and non-threatening as possible. “My name is Tanith. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Tanith the Mali’ker Rose?” he asked.

My heart dropped into my stomach. I felt the blood immediately drain from my face. I had no idea how to respond. In Oren, people generally have a positive perception of the White Rose. But I wasn’t in Oren. I was in Elvenesse and there was no telling what people thought of me here.

As I’ve said before, my own feelings about the White Rose are… complicated. What they did to the elves was monstrous. Simply monstrous. There’s no other way to describe it. I witnessed the Roses enact heinous suffering on innocent elves. Crucifixions. Ear shearing. Wanton murder. If I saw those things today, I would condemn them wholeheartedly and without reservation. The modern Tanith would resist the White Rose with everything she had.

But back then, it was a different time. I was a different person - a more ignorant, naive, and foolish person. The Roses were my friends and my family. I loved my husband, Mr. Toov, passionately and I would be lying if I said he didn’t still have a place in my heart. I still think of Thomas Chivay as my brother. The Roses gave me a home, a job, friends, love, and camaraderie when I had nothing. It’s impossible to disentangle the friendship and love I had for the Roses from the wickedness they visited on my people.

I don’t blame the elves for hating the White Rose. Many of them have ancestors who suffered at the hands of the Rose. Some even experienced that terror personally. The White Rose is still a bogeyman in elven culture - a specter of bloodshed and horror that overshadows their history. No, I don’t blame them for hating the Rose… and I wouldn’t blame them for hating me either - even if I’m trying to be better.

The other Mali’ker frowned when he saw my reaction. “Are you all right, Mrs. Toov?” he asked - and the sound of my old name pierced me like a dagger. How did he know my married name? Was I really that well-known, even here? How old was this elf? Was he among those we mistreated all those years ago? A million fears and worries sprang up spontaneously in my mind.

“I’m not like that anymore!” I cried out. “I promise! It’s – it’s been a very long time since those days. I’ve changed. I really have! I’m not Toov anymore. Baldir Toov died over three hundred years ago…”

The Mali’ker bowed his head. “My apologies for bringing up the past,” he said. “My name is Cyrus Inacrynn, Prince of Tor Eldar.”

My cheeks grew hot when I realized I’d lashed out at a prince. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I know the reputation that White Roses have in the elven lands. And I know people probably still hate me for how I used to be. But I’m here trying to learn and change how I think, Your Highness.”

“Cyrus is fine, Miss Tanith,” he said, waving a hand. “How can I help? I too am trying to find greater insight into what it means to be one of us.”

Prince Cyrus and I spoke for a little while. Although he wasn’t a resident of Siramenor, he visited here often to talk with the Mali’ame. As we sat around the fire, we were joined by a snow elf by the name of Ayred Avandri. He, too, was a visitor who hailed from Norland and the Fennic Enclave.

Despite that, though, Prince Cyrus and Mr. Avandri were both able to give me a lot of insight into how Siramenor functioned.

“It feels like a paradise here,” Prince Cyrus said. “Distant from the worries of the world. That’s why I like it.”

“Paradise?” Mr. Avandri scoffed. “Siramenor? Pff. Suppose the landscape is nice if nothing else.”

Prince Cyrus nodded in reluctant agreement with Mr. Avandri. “It’s a shame it won’t last,” he sighed. “In terms of politics, this place is an utter trash fire.”

I looked between the two of them. “It sounds like you have some… er… criticisms of how things are run in Siramenor.”

“Aegorothond, to the west, is a ghost citadel. No one seems to live there save for the Sea Prince,” Prince Cyrus explained. “The Inferi are bearing down on Aegorothond and people have fled north in their droves. Aegorothond is poised to fall as the Inferi make their way onto the mainland. Siramenor can’t survive without Aegorothond’s support. Aegorothond is its parent state. The people here are in no way prepared for the inevitable Inferi assault.”

Mr. Avandri sighed. “Siramenor is just too… chaotic.”

“Chaotic?” I asked.

“Putting it bluntly, ti,” he said. “There’s no law enforcement here. No real leaders. Too many people with too many ideas. Everyone clashes with everyone else… and it leaves them wide open to be wiped out by the Inferi.”

“What about the tribal elders?” I inquired.

“Can’t they guide things?”

“No one respects them,” Mr. Avandri replied.

“Siramenor lacks cohesion and leadership,” Prince Cyrus lamented. “The tribal elders haven’t done anything to earn their respective titles. They’re mostly chosen on popularity rather than experience or wisdom.”

At that moment, a dark-haired elf in armor - accompanied by an armed guard - came striding through the glade. Prince Cyrus and Mr. Avandri both lapsed into silence, rising to their feet and offering respectful nods to the newcomer. “Sea Prince,” Prince Cyrus said. I quickly scrambled to my feet and half-bowed as well. It felt as though we’d summoned him directly by means of our criticism!

“I believe I overheard you all discussing the Inferi,” the Sea Prince, Feanor Sylvaeri, said. “I’ve fought them and been to their realm. I assure you, Aegorothond has nothing to fear from them. Most of the Inferi were once Descendants. And every demon ‘in power’ only attained their authority by killing the demon ahead of them. All their magic and strength is stolen. But elven strength comes from within, from our eternal and unchanging spirit. These demonic pretenders cannot hope to stand against us.”

“Sea Prince, if you’d hear a suggestion,” Mr. Avandri cut in. “You ought to send a letter north to King Halvar. He could bring our flagship the Seahelm around to help defend Aegorothond and Siramenor.”

“Ti, ti,” the Sea Prince replied. “I’ll be in talks with the Rex of Krugmar soon. As well as the Dwarves and others. I doubt the Inferi will succeed. Not even the great Empire of Men could break Aegorothond. Our strike teams are already preparing to attack the Inferi’s supply lines and cripple their siege machines. Their ocean-crossing elephants lie dead thanks to Norland, and they lack ships to span the strait. The Inferi are clever with their stolen power, but we will outwit them yet.”

“Anything would be better than the idiots in the ISA,” Mr. Avandri scoffed and my eyebrows shot up.

“What’s wrong with the ISA?” I pressed.

“They can’t fight,” Prince Cyrus grunted.

“Their logistics are horrid,” Mr. Avandri added. “They send men into battle without armor. Their leadership doesn’t fight alongside them. They give orders from their cushy offices in Helena far from the front lines. The King and Queen of Norland, Halvar and Ancelie, go into battle side by side with their men - and it does wonders for morale. When the ISA fight the Inferi, it’s hardly a battle… More like a massacre.”

“They’re empowering the Inferi with their foolish tactics,” the Sea Prince added. “Inferi need souls to feed. The more people who die in battle against them, the more powerful they become. Oren sends it men to fight recklessly in droves and thus they fuel the Inferi war machine. Every death is one more soul enslaved.”

“Exactly!” Mr. Avandri added. “The ISA utterly failed to kill the Inferi elephants, so Norland had to do it. You’ll find Norlandic stock to be far more capable than even the highest-rank ISA commander, Miss Tanith. You need to fight smart against the Inferi. Throwing dozens upon dozens of soldiers at them is a mistake. This isn’t a war of attrition and victories can’t be pyrrhic, or else they’re not victories at all.”

“Indeed, that’s why Aegorothond is focusing on small forces and strike tactics,” the Sea Prince agreed. “The fortress will not fall. As long as we can defend the village and cripple the Inferi in critical places, we’ll win the day.”

They both seemed very confident. I found my eye drawn toward the coast. The Inferi sigil - the one that hangs in the sky above their war camp - glowed orange like a false sunset. I could make out its details even at this distance. It hadn’t occurred to me how close Siramenor and Aegorothond were to Khorvassa. Prince Cyrus and Mr. Avandri hadn’t done much to instill me with confidence. The Sea Prince presented a different take on things, but… I couldn’t help but feel he was being overly brash. With the Inferi so close - right across the strait - I was shocked they hadn’t evacuated yet. Civilians still milled around Siramenor, going about their business as though nothing was wrong. As though they didn’t have a demon army amassing just a few miles south.

But, then again, I don’t know anything about military strategy. I can’t weigh in on discussions like this. Feeling uncomfortable, though, I changed the subject. I asked the Sea Prince about a dozen different questions about Siramenor’s culture and history - and he was able to answer me with some very detailed, authoritative explanations. Eventually, though, it grew late and I had to return home. Prince Cyrus offered me an invitation to visit him in Tor Eldar sometime, which was quite nice of him.

I left with the sinking feeling that Siramenor may not be here for much longer. I hope to finish my ethnography before the Inferi launch their assault on the village… With luck, the Sea Prince’s confidence won’t be misplaced. But I worry. I truly do.

Sometimes it feels as though this might be the end of the world. I’ve lived through more than my fair share of apocalyptic events, but… this feels different somehow. I can’t put my finger on it, but it does.

Entry 92 –
1786 IST.
 

Spoiler

For the last several weeks, I’ve been traveling back and forth between Helena and Siramenor. Celestine told me that, when she writes her ethnographies, she tries to spend several months living among the people she’s studying. Of course, it made sense to follow her example. A few days each week, I’ll travel down south and book a room at the Siramenor inn. Sometimes Icroth comes with me. While we’re in Siramenor, we wear Mali’ame style clothes and try to emulate their lifestyle as much as possible. It’s different there, but nice. This is the first time in my life that I’ve ever tried to live among elves. I was born in Malinor, but I left the Elven Princedom at a young age.

Today, I was packing my things to head out on another trip to Siramenor. I’d shimmied out of my silk Imperial dress and put on the cropped shirt and sarong I usually wore around Siramenor. Once I was changed, I threw a traveling cloak on over my Mali’ame clothes. The elves are far more comfortable with showing skin than we are in Oren. If anyone from Helena saw me in my Mali’ame clothes, they’d probably report me to the ISA for public indecency - so I make sure I’m well covered when I’m in Oren. With that, I shouldered my rucksack and headed out.

I made my way up the boulevards to Nauzica Square. As I reached the square, I noticed a commotion coming from near the bank. People were gathered in the street around a townhouse. Huge, black plumes of smoke billowed out of the windows. The ISA sprinted back and forth with pails of water, but no matter what they did, they couldn’t put the blaze out. The fire resisted the quenching effects of ordinary water.

“We need a mage!” an ISA officer screamed from the rooftop as she bailed water into the house. “Does anyone know a water mage?!”

I knew at once what I had to do. I pushed through the crowd and cupped my hands around my mouth, shouting – “I’m a water mage! How can I help?”

“We can’t put the fire out! It’s magical!” the ISA officer cried back. “Get up here and see if your magic can do anything! Go through the window on the top floor of the bank!”

I sprinted into the bank and dashed up the stairs as fast as I possibly could. Just as she said, I found an open window on the top floor. Clambering through the casement, I found myself on the rooftops. The ISA officers parted ways to make room for me. Sweat and soot coated their desperate faces. Tall licks of flame flared from a hole in the rooftop. Without waiting for instructions, I drew my wand and began to channel the voidal energies.

In times like these, I’m grateful for all my years of practice. If I were a novice, I might not have been able to focus with all the shouting, smoke, and ash. I conjured up a jet of water from the tip of my wand and blasted it into the fire. Thank God, my magic worked where ordinary water did not! The flames began to shrink!

The fire was not just burning the rooftop, however. It had infested the entire house. I cast off my traveling cloak and plunged through the hole in the roof. The fire hissed and spat all around me, filling the house with acrid smoke. Wand in hand, I blasted the fire down with as much water as I could conjure. Floor by floor, I extinguished the blaze until I reached the bottom.

As I pushed through the front door and emerged onto the street, sudden exhaustion overtook me and I almost fell to my knees. I clutched my chest, breathless, and leaned against a nearby pillar. My vision had gone blurry and I could hardly stand up.

“Tanith, you’re hurt!” a voice cried out. I looked up to see Alpha Carrington approaching me through the crowd. She was right. My Mali’ame clothes provided little protection from the fire. Red, angry burns throbbed over my exposed arms and legs. Alpha pulled my arm around her shoulders and half-carried me to the city clinic.

At the clinic, Dr. Morgryn treated my wounds with Serpentstalk Salve, frost vine, and mandragora. He wrapped them up in bandages and told me to rest for a while on one of the cots. While I rested, he brought water to help me stay hydrated. Alpha decided to stay and keep me company, which was kind of her. I haven’t seen any of the Carrington girls in a long time. I heard that Mary Lucille disappeared. She left her children in the care of her sister, Mary Jane, which resulted in a nasty custody battle between Mary Jane and Joseph de Selm. Mary Jane lost the case and shortly afterward disappeared. Carringtons seem to have that tendency, so I’ve noticed. The stresses of public life become too great for them and they vanish. Alpha is the only Carrington girl left.

We took a few minutes to catch up. Alpha’s been mastering magic over the last several years. She practices earth and fire evocation, as well as illusion magic. My, she’s so talented! They promoted her to the rank of Imperial Court mage.

“It’s been so long since we last spoke,” Alpha said as she sat on the cot next to me. “I feel so old now.”

I looked at her curiously. As I understand it, Alpha is an elf. She was orphaned as a child and adopted by Green Carrington as his daughter. “You’re a fairly young elf, aren’t you?” I asked Alpha. “You can’t be a day over fifty…”

Alpha nodded. “Forty-seven as of last month.”

Perhaps it was mean, but I couldn’t help but laugh. “Why, Miss Alpha, you’re just a baby!” I teased her. “I’m getting ready to turn 513 years old. You’re not even a century old yet. If you play your cards right and keep in good health, you could live another nine hundred years! Why, you’ll get to see Oren turn one millennium old. Isn’t that exciting?”

Alpha smiled. “Yes, it is. That would be incredible,” she murmured, and I noticed her smile looked a bit forced. “Tanith, do you ever get scared of dying?”

I pondered her question. I leaned back on my pillows, hands resting gently atop my midsection.

“A little bit,” I admitted. “Maybe I should be more scared, though. After all, I did just jump into a burning house. My husband criticizes me for being reckless sometimes. But, you know, I spent so many years being fearful and timid and frightened. Nowadays, I’d rather be bold. I want to have as many adventures as I can and make as many memories as possible.”

All of a sudden, Alpha started to cry. I sat up, alarmed. “Why, Miss Carrington! What’s wrong?”

Alpha sniffled as tears dripped off her chin and onto her mage robes. “I envy you,” she murmured. “I don’t think I’ll ever get to live as long as you have.”

I reached for her hands. “Miss Carrington, why ever would you say that?” I asked.

“There’s a secret that’s been on my mind for so long,” she confessed to me. “It weighs on me every day. I…” She bit her lip hard, lapsing into silence. All at once, she pulled her hands away from me and stood up. “What am I doing? I shouldn’t burden you with this, especially while you’re injured. I’m sorry, Miss Tanith.”

I reached out a hand to stop her. “Oh, Miss Carrington,” I cried out to her. “It doesn’t matter if I’m hurt. I don’t mind. If you want to talk, I’m happy to listen. Your family means a lot to me. You all were the ones who helped me find my feet when I was just starting out. I’ll always care about you Carringtons.”

Alpha paused. She wiped her face with a handkerchief from her bookbag. “You’re too kind,” she said. “But I’m not sure I’m ready.”
“Whenever you’re ready, then,” I replied. “My ears are always open.”

Alpha managed a smile in spite of her tears. “I should let you rest,” she said. “I’m sorry.” On that note, she quickly departed.
I laid down on the cot for a little while longer - at least until the burns stopped hurting so badly. With my injuries, I doubted that I could make it all the way to Siramenor. I ended up just returning home.

I’m proud of myself for helping to put out the fire. I’m worried about Miss Carrington, though. I noticed something strange as we were talking. Pureblooded elves don’t get old. We simply don’t. Wrinkles, age spots, fine lines – those aren’t things that happen to us. I look in the mirror and my face is as youthful as it was in Aegis. But I noticed Alpha had some furrows around her eyes and mouth. Little crow’s feet.

What secret could Alpha possibly be talking about? She doesn’t strike me as the kind of girl who keeps a lot of secrets. She’s always been cheerful and open and friendly. Is it possible she’s not actually an elf? Surely not - she has pointed ears! Green told me that his daughter was an elf. But if she’s an elf, why is she aging like this? Forty-seven is nothing to an elf. I’m over five-hundred and still feel the same as I always did. Could it be the effects of magic on her body? Is she sick? Is she not a full-blooded elf?

I know I shouldn’t speculate, but I can’t help it. I hope she’s all right.

Entry 93 –
1786 IST.
 

Spoiler

A few years back, James Chapel and I visited Haelun’or together to take a look at the bazaar. I wouldn’t say Mr. Chapel and I are close friends, but we’ve had a few pleasant encounters. Whenever I meet another Orenian elf, I always like to try and get to know them if I can. Anyway, Haelun’or has the loveliest little toy shop and, while I was there, I bought some toys to celebrate the birth of Celestine’s triplets. I meant to give them to her a long while ago, but somehow the toys ended up in my linen chest and I wholly forgot about them.

Well, today, I was going through my linens to do some laundry and repair when I stumbled upon them! Dear Lord, imagine how embarrassed I felt! I bought these toys five years ago and I completely forgot to give them to the children! Slipping the dollies into my satchel, I set out in search of Celestine. Her children are still little, thank God. I don’t think they’ve outgrown stuffed animals just yet! My first thought was to seek Celestine at the palace, so I parked myself on the bench outside the Novellen’s gates. I waited around for a time, but no one showed up.

As I sat there, a thought occurred to me. Empress Anne I issued her first big proclamation lately - and it was an act that sent shockwaves through the entire Empire. Tensions have long been building between the Empire and the Kingdom of Haense. Issues over cultural difference, taxation, military – all sorts of things causing conflict and strife! For a long time, there have been whispers that Haense wished to seek independence. Well, a few days ago, the Empress just up and decided to… let them go! That’s right! The Empire peacefully granted Haense their independence! I’ve been in Oren for a very long time and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it.

I hadn’t thought much of the secession myself. After all, Oren and Haense are still on friendly terms with free travel and trade between them. The separation doesn’t really change anything about my life. But it did not occur to me how Haense’s independence might affect Celestine.

You see, Celestine has some strong ties to the Barbanov royal family through her father, but I won’t elaborate on them here. Suffice it to say that she’s the illegitimate daughter of a very famous and influential Haenseman. It’s a bit of a secret. An open secret in some aspects, but a secret regardless. It’s not something Celestine wants to make public knowledge. Anyway, Haense is an important place for her in many aspects. Not only because of her Raevir heritage but also because Haense was the first government to support her academic endeavors. Back when she was just starting out, the bigwigs of the Empire poo-pooed Celestine’s ambitions to open up a museum. It’s thanks to Haense that the NGS got its start. If asked to choose between Helena and Haense, I think Celestine would choose Haense every time without fail.

It turns out I know Celestine very well - because I was right.

After wandering around in search of my friend for a bit, I finally found her. Celestine and her mother, Red the Air Evocationist, were talking loudly and heatedly in Nauzica Square. Seeing them together, I knew at once there had to be trouble. If I were to choose one word to describe Red, Celestine’s mother, it would be ‘eccentric’. She’s a hard woman to pin down in terms of her character. Celestine tells me it’s because Red is over two centuries old. I’m not exactly sure what force is extending Red’s life, but I believe it must be some kind of aengulic magic - just like the Xannic powers that keep Jack alive. Humans really aren’t meant to live that long and, as a result, they start to get a little funny in the head once they’ve passed their second century or so.

Celestine and her mother have a complicated relationship. They love each other, certainly, but love takes many forms and some of those forms might be more fraught than others. Celestine’s mother more or less abandoned her as a child. Red wasn’t prepared for a baby and decided to give Celestine up because she couldn’t care for her. The two eventually reconnected, but I can tell there’s some lingering resentment between them. Celestine tends to hold her mother at arm’s length. To me, it seems like Celestine loves Red… but also doesn’t trust her.

As I approached them, I noticed a little girl clinging to Celestine’s skirts. Dark hair, blue eyes – it was none other than Dannika, my sweet little goddaughter! One of Celestine’s triplets. The poor thing looked frightened, like a little bunny rabbit hiding behind a tree. I swiftly realized why. Celestine and Red were sniping bitterly back and forth at one another.

“Can we just address the fact that you never told me you got married? Or had children?” Red barked, gesturing pointedly at Dannika.
“It slipped my mind,” Celestine replied coldly, avoiding her mother’s gaze.

“What’s wrong with you?” Red shouted, her face turning the same color as her name. “You forgot to tell your own mother about her damned grandchildren?!”

“I’ve been busy, Red,” Celestine replied. “We haven’t exactly seen a lot of each other lately.”

“Oh, so you can’t take a single moment out of your oh-so-important schedule to write a letter?” Red sneered. “You know what, Cellie? I understand what’s going on. You don’t want me in your life! So let me do you a favor and piss off so I don’t intrude on your happy little family ever again. Because clearly you don’t need me!”

“Mamej,” Dannika asked, tugging on Celestine’s skirts. “Why is grandmamej mad?”

Red turned her gaze on the child, her nostrils flaring. “I’m not your grandmamej,” she said to Dannika. “Because you mamej doesn’t want me around!”

I gasped. “Ms. Red, you mustn’t say that to a child!” I exclaimed. I know I shouldn’t have stuck my nose into family drama - especially when it’s not my family - but I couldn’t help it. Red’s words shocked me! “You don’t know how that will hurt her!”

Celestine’s face screwed up with a cold, barely contained rage. She scooped Dannika up in her arms and handed the five-year-old off to me. “Danni, go play with Auntie Tanith for a little bit. Mamej and grandmamej need to talk. Alone.”

“We’ll be at the museum,” I told Celestine and carried Dannika off as quickly as possible.

Once we were at the museum, I did my best to play with little Danni and keep her calm. I took her upstairs to the attic loft where we chatted for a little bit and she told me about herself; I haven’t seen her since she was a baby, so we had a lot of catching up to do. I’m happy to report that Danni loved the toys I bought for her and her siblings. I gave her a stuffed lamb doll that she named Seus the Sheep. Already, I can see a great deal of Celestine in Dannika. She’s a brave, strong, and cheerful little girl with ambitions to be an explorer when she gets older. She said she can’t wait to join the NGS.

Celestine joined us an hour or so later, looking haggard after the fight with Red. “I’m sorry about all that,” she sighed as she sat down cross-legged in the attic with us.

“Is grandmamej still mad?” Dannika asked innocently.

Celestine shook her head. “No, she isn’t. We made up. She was just a bit… frustrated, is all. I’ve not been in touch with her for a while and she… missed out on a few things.” Celestine’s face wrinkled as she cringed. “Admittedly a few big things.”

“I’m sure she’s very happy and excited to be your grandmamej, Danni,” I said to the little girl.

“I hope so!” Danni chimed, giving Seus a squeeze.

“She is! She loves you very much, Dannika,” Celestine reassured her daughter. “We all love you and your siblings and each other.”

We continued to chat for a little while longer. I told Dannika about how Celestine, Chirr, and I fought a magma slug in the Nether once - and Dannika showed us how high she could count. Eventually, Danni got a bit bored talking to the grown-ups, though, and wanted to go play in the garden. Celestine and I kept an eye on her while we sat on the back garden stairs and discussed the recent events.

“Tanith, you’ve heard about Haense’s secession from the Empire, yes?” Celestine asked me as we watched Dannika roll in the grass and pick flowers in the garden behind the museum.

I nodded. “Well, yes, of course,” I said. “It’s all anyone’s talking about.”

Celestine rubbed the bridge of her nose and let out a long, drawn-out sigh. “I always wanted the NGS to go international,” she mumbled tiredly. “Anyway, I didn’t want you to worry. Our operations here in Helena won’t be affected. Life and business ought to continue as usual.”

“Ah, that’s wonderful to hear!” I clapped my hands together delightedly. “I’m relieved. Though I wouldn’t have minded moving to Haense, if it came to that.”

Celestine shook her head. “No, it won’t. I’d like you to remain here. We’ll continue collaborating with the Empire. I just…” She lapsed into silence, closing her eyes. When she spoke again, her voice choked up with unshed tears. “I had to resign from the Imperial Cabinet.”

My eyes widened. “Oh, Celestine… I’m so sorry.” I reached over and put a hand on her shoulder. “I know how much it meant to you to serve on the Cabinet.”

Celestine swallowed hard. “It’s all right. It really is,” she said, though I could hear the sadness lingering in her words. “Haense is my true home and that’s where my heart lies. They need to help build up the new nation.”

“Well… I understand, Celestine. It must have been a difficult decision to make. I know how much Haense means to you. But there’s a silver lining, isn’t there?” I said, trying to lift her spirits. “You get to be part of this exciting new time in Haensi history!”

“It’s for the best,” Celestine said with a slow nod and a resigned exhale. “My work with the Imperial Cabinet ate up every hour of my day. My children are already five years old yet I’ve barely spent any time with them. I feel like a horrible mother.”

A frown pulled at the corners of my mouth. “Oh, Celestine. You mustn’t act this way! I know how you get. You’re always guilt-tripping yourself and blaming yourself and scolding yourself for not being perfect! You’re doing the best you can,” I told her firmly, squeezing her shoulder. “The best thing you can do for your children is just… be yourself! You’re a strong, ambitious woman who values her independence and her career! Do you know what a wonderful example that is for them? They’ll grow up knowing they can do anything because you showed them how!”

“I was barely Foreign Secretary for four years,” Celestine replied. “It’s… not much of an example for them to look up to.”

“Posh!” I huffed, reaching across and taking her hands in mine. “You’re going to be something even better than a Foreign Secretary! You’re here at a monumental point in history, Celestine. You’re going to help make Haense into an independent kingdom!”

At that, Celestine couldn’t help but smile. Just for a moment, the sadness and regret disappeared from her eyes. “It is an unprecedented thing, isn’t it? A kingdom gaining its independence through peaceful means?”

I bobbed my head excitedly. “I’ve lived a very long time and I’ve never heard of it!”

“The Haeseni wanted the right to self-determination for so long,” Celestine marveled quietly. “And now, they have finally achieved it.”

“And you’re going to be there to help them shape this historical new state!” I continued. “Your father would be so proud, Celestine!”

At that, a sudden change came over Celestine’s face. Her chin buckled and her lip began to quiver. Tears welled up in her eyes and began spilling freely down her cheeks, dripping off her chin and onto her lap. I drew back in alarm. “O-Oh!” I exclaimed. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have – “

Celestine turned to me and, in spite of her tears, she smiled. “No, no. Thank you,” she breathed. “I… I didn’t know… how much I needed to hear that. Thank you. No one’s… no one’s ever said that to me before.”

“It’s true,” I continued. “I know in my heart that it’s true. You’ve done so much… and you’ll just keep achieving more and more because that’s who you are. One day, in the future, I’ll expect I’ll be adding you to our ‘Humanity’s Greatest Women’ exhibit.”

Celestine blushed bright pink at that. “Me?!” she exclaimed - and I laughed.

“You’re too modest, Celestine!” I teased her.

By then, the hour had begun to grow late and it was time for Celestine to head back to Haense. I bid her and Dannika a fond goodbye.

It’s a time of change here in the Empire. But in spite of everything, I’m not worried. The NGS will keep doing its good work no matter what - and Celestine will be there to guide us through any rough patches we encounter.

Oh, I forgot to mention! My ethnography on Siramenor is finally complete and I just recently published it! It got a very positive response. A few wood elves have contacted me regarding some inaccuracies, so I suppose I’ll need to work on corrections. But thankfully, they’ve all been very polite and complimentary. I’ve also made good progress on my histories of Oren’s notable women. Why, look at me go! I’ve become quite the author and the historian! I never imagined I’d publish a book – let alone multiple!

Entry 94 –
1787 IST.

 

Spoiler

I’ve been toying with the idea of opening a ‘magic school’ for a while now. Over three hundred years ago, I took up the practice of water evocation and… well, admittedly, I haven’t done a whole lot with it! They say water evocation is a dying art. It’s not as exciting and glamorous as fire or lightning. The manipulation of water requires a slower, steadier, more deliberate, thoughtful hand. It takes more time to learn since you’re shaping energy rather than wielding it in its raw form. But I daresay water can be just as useful as fire if employed with skill!

I put out a flyer advertising my teaching. I’m offering lessons completely for free. Since water evocation isn’t often practiced any longer, it’s my duty to spread the knowledge as much as possible and not to hide it behind artificial barriers. I’m happy to say my flyer garnered a nice response! To my surprise, a great number of elves contacted me. That made me happy! With enough time, I’m sure I’ll be able to shake off the negative reputation of the White Rose. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - I want to be an elf. I want to understand my people as much as possible and make right the wrongs of the past.

For now, I’ve decided to take on two students. The first is Miss Helena Acantha Vientos. I met her at the museum a few days ago. She wrote to me and explained that she was a resident of Siramenor. When I met her, I was expecting an elf. Imagine my surprise when I encountered a human woman in fine Helene garb! She told me that her father fostered close ties with the wood elves and that was why she chose to remain among them. I’ve sometimes thought of moving abroad to Siramenor too, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave the NGS behind.

Helena told me that she was formerly a Master Arcanist who woke up one day and found her connection to the Void had been unexpectedly severed. (That can happen? I wonder why! I’ve lived three hundred years and maintained my connection through countless voidal shifts…) She was trying to re-establish her connection to the Void and re-learn her old skills. I was happy to help her on her journey! We agreed to meet sometime in the coming Saint’s Week to conduct our connection ritual. It seems it’s back to Krugmar for me!

My second student is an elf named Serenity Al’Abass. A most curious woman! I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone quite like her. She lives out in Aegrothond. A few days ago, I packed up my things and set out for the elven citadel so we could meet properly. I’ve never been inside Aegrothond before. I’ve only seen it from the outside and at a distance. Truth be told, I thought it quite odd that elves were living in such a huge, grey, cold stone citadel. It ran counter to all my perceptions of elf living. But once you’re inside Aegrothond, it’s anything but cold and grey! The interior of the citadel is vibrant with trees, flowers, and plant life. It’s a wonder how they managed to grow such greenery inside a fortress!

I met Serenity near the entrance and she took me down to her apartment that she shares with her fiancee. On the way, she told me that her fiancee’s name was Ivaeri, a rather gender-neutral name. I walked in expecting to meet a man and was shocked to find Ivaeri was a woman! That shows what an old-fashioned fuddy-duddy I am. In this modern world, it’s acceptable to love whoever you love. Serenity and Ivaeri were both simply darling, though. She told me they’ve been together for over twenty-four years. That number startled me. Mr. Toov and I were married for 45 years and he’s still one of the most influential partners of my life. Yet Ivaeri and Serenity had been together for over half that time… and weren’t even married yet! But I suppose elf relationships are different.

Ivaeri made me a cup of beautiful, vanilla-scented tea and we talked a long while about magic. Serenity calls herself the ‘Violet Sorceress’ and let me tell you - she has certainly earned that name! She’s half my age, but she’s highly skilled when it comes to magic. Currently, she practices voidal translocation and transfiguration, but in the past, she mastered both mental magic and lightning evocation. Her home is filled with these little clay golems - called Sorvians - who scurry about tidying things up. They’re terribly adorable. As it turns out, Ivaeri is a mage too! She’s teaching herself water evocation. They both wanted to learn together! (Romantic!)

I felt a bit embarrassed talking with them, though. Serenity is so much more knowledgeable than me. Can I really be her teacher? I admitted to them that my magical training was a bit informal.

“I’m really just a hobbyist,” I told Serenity and Ivaeri over our tea. “I only practice one kind of magic… and I’m sure you both know a lot more about it than I do! When it comes to things like theory, I really can’t say I know much. Just enough to get by and maybe enough to teach another person a few things.”

But Serenity waved off her concerns. “You don’t need to understand the theory in-depth to practice magic successfully,” she said. “Learning by feel is just as legitimate as learning through academics. Sometimes informal training is the best training. It’s more tailored to how each individual learns and grows.”

“Well, perhaps we can arrange a sort of partnership,” I suggested, “rather than the usual student-teacher dynamic. We could approach our lessons in a more collaborative form. I’m sure you have a lot to teach me as well. Maybe we can treat our relationship as more of an exchange.”

“I would love to!” Serenity replied. “Have you any interest in the art of Voidal Translocation? It’s something of a niche practice.”

“Er… I can’t claim to know much… or anything… about it,” I said with a grimace. “But I’d like to learn as much as possible!”

“Shall I give you a demonstration?” Serenity asked.

Ivaeri brightened. “Oh! Oh! Show her the cookie tin! That one is my favorite!”

Serenity laughed at that. “You just want cookies!”

“That’s beside the point,” Ivaeri huffed, taking a sip of her tea. (They’re awfully cute together!)

I watched in awe as Serenity extended her hands. A white, shimmering glow appeared in the air above her palms. She breathed in deep and opened her eyes. A rift opened up in the air - a tear in the fabric of reality - and out popped a cookie tin! She took the lid off the tin and gave a cookie to both Ivaeri and to me. It tasted delicious, like it was just baked fresh.

Serenity explained that voidal translocation worked by breaking items down into pure mana and then storing that energy within the void. Then, when the mage desired, he or she could take that mana and reform it into a physical object. “In theory, I could break down a full-scale Orenian dreadnought and store it in the Void,” Serenity told me. “But I mostly use it for teapots.”

Ivaeri giggled. “She’s got about fifty different teapots stored in the void for every occasion.”

My eyes widened. “I had no idea you could do that with the Void. That’s so useful!”

“Nothing changes in the Void. So if you brew a fresh pot of tea and break it down into its mana, it will still be hot when you draw it back out,” Serenity replied. “You can even teleport books - or yourself - across the room with it.”

“How does that work?” I asked. “You… break yourself down into mana?”

Serenity gave a non-committal wiggle of the hand. “Sort of,” she hummed. “Essentially, you create a small rift that you can step into and another rift at your destination. You don’t necessarily pass through the Void yourself. But I’ll address that in more detail as we get into our lessons. It’s something of a high-level technique.”

At the end of our meeting, Serenity gave me a glass marble and told me to meditate on it for a full Saint’s Week. At the end of the Saint’s Week, we’d meet again for our first lesson on Voidal Translocation. I gave her a similar charge. She and her fiancee have a big, beautiful aquarium in their front parlor. I told her to study the aquarium in detail and think deeply about how water moves, splashes, freezes, and evaporates. With that, we parted.

A part of me worries I’ve bitten off more than I can chew with these students. They’re both accomplished mages looking to further their skills. As for me, I’m a hobbyist and… well, in spite of my years of practice, a novice. My hope, however, is that we’ll all come out of this wiser and more experienced than before.

Entry 95 –
1787 IST.

 

Spoiler

I met the Empress! It was under somewhat bizarre circumstances. This morning, I woke up and looked across the street to the Galbraith manor. They live fairly close to the museum, on the opposite side of the large horse fountain. The street in front of their manor was all littered with broken glass. Alarmed, I put on my shoes and hurried outside to check what had happened. It seems someone had put a brick through their front bay window.

I headed back home and got dressed, then went down to the Bastille to report the incident. I knocked on the front door and shouted out as loud as I could - “Excuse me, ISA! Someone threw a brick through the Galbraith manor window!”

Who should open the door but Empress Anne I herself, clad in a red military uniform? “That’s unfortunate,” Her Imperial Highness observed before ushering me into the bastille.

I blanched and curtsied as quickly as possible.

“Is this a bad time?” I asked the Empress, unsure of what else to say. What was she doing here?

“I’ve arrived to observe Sir Peter address the men,” Her Imperial Majesty explained before gesturing for me to follow her. “You’re welcome to watch as well.”

Just like that, I found myself standing in the Bastille courtyard next to Her Imperial Majesty, Anne I. The soldiers were all lined up in tidy little rows as they waited to hear Sir Peter speak at the podium. Sir Peter gave a speech on the Inferi threat and promoted some officers to higher ranks. I’m a little ashamed to admit it, but I didn’t pay a great deal of attention to the speech. I was too nervous about being so close to Her Imperial Highness. She and I didn’t exchange another word and I’m rather grateful for that. I’m sure I would have embarrassed myself!

After the speech, I reported the incident at Galbraith manor to Sir Peter. Apparently, there’s been a rash of burglaries around Helena lately. Having made my report, I quickly excused myself.

I don’t know why I’m so nervous around royalty these days. Archchancellor Basrid left me utterly paralyzed every time I met him. When Emperor Peter III spoke to me at the parade once, I nearly keeled over! And now the Empress made me feel so shy that I couldn’t even make small talk. It’s so silly! I knew all these peoples’ ancestors! If anything, they should be nervous about talking to me!

Oh, Tanith, you silly elf.

After the encounter at the Bastille, it was time for me to head over to Haense for the yearly NGS meeting. I met Icroth at the tram and we rode over together. Icroth has been a bit distant lately. I know the incident with the Paladins is still bothering him and he isn’t sure how to proceed. Jack and the rest remain in Korvassa as far as I know. Icroth hasn’t been in contact with them.

Icroth isn’t one to talk about his feelings… or talk much at all. He sits in silence and furrows his brow in deep, inscrutable thought. It makes me wish that I could read his mind so I could understand him better. When we chat, I can’t get much out of him. Sometimes I worry I’m a bad wife. I’m supposed to be his rock, his shoulder to cry on, but he won’t open up. We’ve been married for five years now. Shouldn’t we be a little closer than this? All I can do is curl up next to him at night and hold him in my arms and hope somehow that’s enough.

The NGS meeting went well! A new dark elf has joined us. His name is Vithyn and he’s a researcher. That makes four total Mali’ker in the NGS - me, Icroth, Chirr, and Vithyn. Five elves in total if you count Zodd too. I’m proud to be part of this diverse organization.

Today, we discussed nominees for our first Lyons Award. Celestine named the award in honor of our fallen friend, Juan. We plan to give the award to a scholar outside the NGS who embodies the mission, spirit, and values of our organization. The winner of the award receives a cash prize and is invited to speak at our museum as a guest lecturer. Celestine read off the nominees and we cast our votes on who ought to win.

We also welcomed Ania Petrovic as a full member of our Circle. Ania and I have been collaborating on the “Notable Women” exhibit for the Helena Museum. Of course, I voted in favor to confirm her!

I also proposed an idea I’ve been percolating on for a while. Little Dannika Wittenbach, my adorable god-daughter, mentioned that she wanted to be a member of the NGS when she grew up. So I thought, why wait? I suggested we start a ‘Junior NGS’ troupe to promote learning, exploration, science, and scholarship among the youth. Dannika mentioned that she was having trouble making friends her age. Something like this would surely help her connect with other bright, inquisitive children!

Celestine loved the idea and told me to get started organizing it. I think our first field trip will be to the Eternal Library in Haelun’or. Vithyn mentioned that he has some connections in Haelun’or and could arrange a nice field trip for us.

With that, we concluded the meeting. Icroth and I walked back to the tram together. I wanted to hold his hand, but I know he dislikes public displays of affection, so I kept to myself.

Seeing Celestine and her adorable family makes me want children so badly, it aches. Perhaps it’s foolish to think this way, but… I feel like having a son would help Icroth open up. We would all grow closer as a family if we had a little one.

Maybe my new mage friends might have some insight into my fertility. There must be a way to fix what’s wrong with me. I just need to figure it out.

 

Entry 96 –
1788 IST.
 

Spoiler

Poor James Chapel is having a hard time lately. He’s in a bad way, so I’ve decided to give him some help. Lord knows life in Helena can be difficult sometimes.

I ran into him earlier when I was playing with Dannika in the square. He introduced me to his friend, Lorenzo d’Amato, who is a cosmetician. Lorenzo was in search of a paladin to help him uncover the mysteries behind a strange artifact. He’d identified the artifact as having some significance to Xan. How a cosmetician acquires something like that, I don’t know! Maybe it was a gift from a customer? Hard to say. I told Mr. d’Amato that I’d ask Icroth, but I had to admit we’re a bit on the outs with the other Paladins right now. Mr. d’Amato wasn’t deterred, however. We’ll see how it pans out, I suppose. I do hope Icroth can help him.

After that, Mr. d’Amato excused himself, but James lingered nearby. “Um…” I said, glancing around. “Was there something else you needed, Mr. Chapel…?”

James suddenly looked a bit sheepish. “I would like to -” he began haltingly, “I’m in between housing here in Helena and I thought I’d take the opportunity to…”

I blinked and lifted an eyebrow. Exactly what was he trying to get at?

At last, he cleared his throat and composed himself. “I’d like to join the NGS if…” he paused, awkwardness settling over him once again. “If possible.”

“Oh!” I turned to little Dannika. “Danni, shall we go play at the museum for a little while? Mr. Chapel and I need to have a sit-down.”

Dannika nodded. I took her little hand in mine and we wandered over to the museum on Silver Jubilee street. Dannika went to play in the garden while James and I moved up to the meeting room. I pulled out a chair for him and bade him sit. “Please make yourself at home!” I said. “I’d offer you drinks, but our little flat doesn’t have much in the way of a kitchen. That’s city living for you.”

He slid into the chair. “How is everything with the Inferi?” he asked.

“Oh! We’ve not talked for a while, have we?” I said. “There was an incident onboard the ship to Khorvassa and I… erm… opted not to continue on the expedition. I simply didn’t feel safe after what occurred. It… rather spoiled my opinion of the Paladins.”

“Oh,” James muttered. “That sounds unfortunate.”

I peered across the table at him. “James, would you mind if I asked you a hypothetical question?”

He leaned back in his chair, resting his knitted fingers atop his midsection. “I love hypothetical questions.”

“So, erm… say you’re on a stroll through Helena one evening,” I posited to him, “And you hear someone moaning and groaning and crying in a nearby alleyway. It’s dark and you can’t quite see them, but they sound like they’re in terrible pain. What would you do?”

“Help them, of course,” James replied. “I don’t think I’m overestimating my own morality here.”

“Ah, yes! That’s the only right thing to do, isn’t it?” I said, feeling the smile return to my face. “Try and help? Even if the situation is a little ambiguous, you still need to investigate at least! Certainly, it might be a trick or a trap… but it’s far more likely that it’s a person who’s hurt.”

James gave a nod. “Of course.”

I sighed with relief. “Thank goodness you understand.” With that, I explained the situation in Khorvassa to him. How we found a survivor clinging to a barrel in need of help. How we were on board a ship full of doctors and medical supplies capable of saving his life. And how Diomedes cruelly and heartlessly shot the man in his face without doing the slightest bit of investigation.

“Who do they report to?” James questioned after I finished my story.

“Jack is in charge,” I said, toying with a strand of my hair. “But ultimately… I suppose they report to the Aengul Xan. Jack saw nothing wrong with what happened. He called it unfortunate but necessary.”

“Do you figure he’s in the right, then?” James asked. “If he has Xan’s seal of approval?”

I hadn’t thought about that before and the implication disturbed me. One would think that, if a Paladin performed an unjust act, he or she would lose their powers immediately. Xan should be able to revoke his patronage at any time. Yet, as far as I know, Jack is still alive. Still using his Aengul-granted abilities. If wanton murder isn’t enough to get a Paladin’s powers revoked, what is? Mass slaughter? What would cause Xan to end his patronage of a certain person?

“Icroth tells me they communed with Xan shortly before departing on the voyage,” I mumbled uncertainly. “And Xan had some choice words. Namely that the Paladins were a disappointment and needed to do better. But… well, you’re right. They’ve all still got their powers. I don’t know what that means.”

“Hm,” James hummed. “Could be Xan doesn’t bother himself over one little death if it’s done for the greater good.”

“Whether or not Xan approved of what Diomedes did, I don’t know,” I said. “I know the Canonist opinion is that the aenguls are infallible servants of God, but… I’ve lived a long time. I’ve seen a few Aenguls and their works. They are neither perfect nor always right.”

James shrugged. “They’ll take care of their own house. Or they won’t. I don’t know.”

Maybe James is right about that. It’s not necessarily up to me to police the Paladins and their actions. They have a divine overseer who can judge whether or not they’re right or wrong. I cannot claim to understand the will of the Aenguls, though. Aenguls are beings far beyond human morality and understanding. But despite everything, I still don’t necessarily feel safe around the Paladins. We’ll have some scores to settle once they return from Khorvassa.

“We’ve gotten very far off-topic, haven’t we?” I laughed lightly, embarrassed. “What made you interested in the NGS?”

“Acting has been fun,” James replied. “But it’s not a good prospect for a long-term career. I need to branch out. You and Icroth were the first people to come to mind.”

I blinked, tilting my head. The last time I’d met James, he rather ardently defended his playwright friend’s work. Had something changed? My brow furrowed and I began to wonder why he was suddenly out on the street. “Ah, well… you know we’re a group of academics, James,” I said. “It doesn’t necessarily pay well. Or… at all. Truth be told, we do our work for the love of it.”

James rolled his shoulders. “When I’m looking for paid work, it’ll be handy to have formal academic experience on my resume,” he said. “Plus there are some large holes in my historical and general knowledge. Growing up in the countryside didn’t do me any favors.”

“I can’t fault anyone for wanting to learn,” I replied. “Are you more interested in research, exploration, public relations…?”

“Research,” James said certainly. “I don’t particularly care for travel. I like history quite a bit. I’d be interested to learn about other cultures too.”

“Wonderful!” I chimed, clapping my hands together. “The NGS is invitation-only, but I can put in a good word for you with the president. And you’re more than welcome to attend our meetings. If you’d like to go ahead and start on some independent research projects, I’m sure Celestine would be impressed.”

“Perhaps I’ll do that, then,” he sighed, pushing back his chair. The legs squeaked on the hardwood floor. “I’ve got some time to kill.”
“Did you… need a place to stay, by the way, James…?” I asked. “I wouldn’t want you sleeping on the street.”

James’s mouth flattened into a thin line as he grimaced. He tucked his hands into the pockets of his green trench coat. “Oh, uh,” he hissed through his teeth. “Yes, actually.”

“If you like, I could put a cot upstairs in the attic,” I suggested. “It’s not the most luxurious conditions, but well… better than sleeping under a bench.”

“That would suit me. I was squatting in the library when I first came to the city,” James sighed.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” I ventured. “What happened to your old house? Did your landlord kick you out?”

James paused a moment. He eyed the window as he gathered his thoughts. “Nothing like that,” he said at length. “I used to live with my friend, the playwright. Bianca La Fleur. Our apartment was burglarized. We realized we weren’t in a safe neighborhood. Decided it would be best to move on, find our own places in a nicer part of town.”

“Oh dear, how scary,” is what I said, but I was thinking something quite different in my mind. Having your house robbed is certainly enough to frighten someone into moving, surely. But did they really get rid of their old apartment before they found a new one? Not to mention… if they had to split the rent to afford an apartment in a bad part of town, how would they be able to rent nicer places independently? That didn’t seem very sensible to me. I began to wonder if maybe he’d had a fight with his playwright friend and she kicked him to the curb. “Something similar happened to the Galbraith manor recently. Someone put a brick through their front window.”

“Friend of ours had someone smash his windows and rob the place too. When he came back, there was blood all over the floor.” James took a piece of lint out of his pocket and flicked it away. “ISA are useless. Too busy cracking down on innocent orcs minding their own business.”

“Well, I can assure you no one will bother you in our attic,” I said with a nod.

After that, I got him set up with a cot and a chest of drawers in the attic loft. Zodd dropped by and gave me a golden Lorraine cross, dated 1645, he’d found at auction. I think it’ll be a nice addition to the Johannian exhibit once we’ve got that all set up. Of course, I introduced him to James and the two of them got to chatting. With luck, James will become friends with everyone at the NGS. It’s a pity that he and Ms. La Fleur had their falling-out. They seemed like they were close - at least by the way James talked about her.

By that time, though, I had to get Dannika back home to Haense. It was getting late. The last tram between Haense and Helena would be running soon. I bid James and Zodd farewell and escorted Danni to the tram. When I returned, they were both gone. Stepped out for the evening, I suppose! As for me, I retired to bed.

In other news, there’s been a big, public kerfuffle over Edward and his orcish wife. I wasn’t involved with it personally, but there were all kinds of articles published in the paper about it. As I understand the situation, Edward was nominated to become a circuit court judge. At his confirmation hearing, one of the Everardines - Adrian Helvets, I think - asked Edward if he’d had intimate relations with an orc. Edward shocked everyone by saying yes. They arrested him on the spot! There was going to be a court case and a trial, but I think Edward accepted a plea deal. He has to pay a fine and I believe they’re making him end his relationship with Gragmar.

I suppose that’s what James meant when he said the ISA were accosting an orc too. There aren’t many orcs in Helena. I’d bet anything it was Edward’s wife.

I hate to say I saw it coming, but… well. There’s a reason I’ve given up on having relationships with human men. The consequences are just too dire - and I’m a private citizen. Edward is very much a public figure. To think he had to go through that ordeal, having his intimate life outed to the people… I’m hoping to check in with him over the next few days. That situation can’t have been easy on him. Maybe a nice fruit basket would cheer him up. Or some cookies. My heart breaks for him. It truly does.

Entry 97 –
1788 IST.
 

Spoiler

I introduced James to Celestine today. They’d already met before at my wedding, but I think this is the first time they’ve sat down and talked properly. The three of us met at the Dragon’s Rest and discussed what role James might like to play in the NGS. He’s most interested in historical and cultural research, but he’s also willing to take on some public relations roles.

We’ve decided that James will be helping me with the Junior NGS program I’m starting. James mentioned that he likes children, which surprised me. He didn’t strike me as the fatherly type. I asked him if he’d like to have a family of his own someday. He seemed undecided. “I don’t really know how to raise even children,” he mentioned - and I sympathized with that. That’s been one of my worries about becoming a parent too. Elves have different needs than humans. Our biology and psychology are unique in ways I don’t fully understand, even after half a millennium of life.

Mr. Rat, the curious rodent-shaped golem robot, briefly joined us at the table as well. He wanted to sign on with the NGS exploration division. I reckon I’ll be seeing him and Zodd together in the future!

After we concluded our business, we got to chatting about various things. Celestine mentioned that the Everardines are pushing a bill to revoke citizenship from elves and remove their rights. She assured me it would never pass the House, but it’s still worrisome. The Everardines used to the party of tradition, nobility, and faith - but now they’ve warped and become the party of bigotry. Elves have had a long history serving the Empire. I’ve been here for five hundred years. I doubt anyone could look at my lifetime and claim I’m not Orenian.

“I suppose I don’t have much stake in Orenian politics anymore,” Celestine sighed over her tea. “Being Haensi and all. But I do worry for you and Icroth. And other Orenian elves like James. Speaking of! You and Icroth need to come by the new house and have dinner soon!”

My face sagged into a frown. I wrapped a strand of hair around my finger as I tried to think of what to say. “Icroth… hasn’t been feeling well lately,” I replied.

Celestine blinked owlishly at me. “Why so? Is he ill?”

I shook my head. “No, not ill, necessarily… He’s fine physically. He’s just… distant lately and I can’t really get through to him.” It felt strange to be saying these things out loud. I’d kept them to myself for a while. “He spends a lot of time away from home and he doesn’t talk much when he’s in town.”

“Is it the thing with the Paladins?” James asked.

“A little bit, I think, yes,” I replied.

Celestine’s dark eyebrows knitted together.

“Tanith, that’s not healthy. Bottling up one’s emotions, remaining quiet… that can take its toll on a person. Even a hardened, centuries-old mind like Icroth.”

I agreed with her, of course. She’s right… but what can I do? Talking to Icroth lately has been like trying to get blood from a stone. It simply isn’t working. Sometimes I’ll go days or even weeks without seeing him. When he returns home, it’s often late at night after I’ve gone to bed.

There’s one evening that sticks out in my mind. It happened not too long ago. One night, he woke me up with the sound of his heavy prosthetic leg tromping on the floor. I watched him from the pillow. He sat down on the edge of the mattress and doubled over, cradling his forehead in his hands. His shoulders quivered as though he was crying.

“Darling?” I said softly, sitting up. “Where have you been?”

“Out,” he grunted, keeping his head low and not looking at me. He rubbed the back of his hand across his face, wiping away any stray tears. “Go back to sleep, Tanith. I’m sorry for waking you.”

“What were you doing?” I pressed him.

He stayed quiet for a few moments, gazing out the window. The twinkling city lights reflected in his tired, damp eyes. “Training,” he said, reluctantly, at last. “Trying to master Xan’s magic by myself. I can’t rely on Jack anymore.”

“Is it possible without a teacher?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” Icroth pulled the shirt off over his head and dropped it to the floor. “But I don’t have a choice. Go back to sleep, Tanith.”

I laid back down, but I didn’t close my eyes. Instead, I watched him. For a long while, he sat motionless, staring out the window with his forearms resting on his knees. The incident with the Paladins had been weighing him down. It read clearly in the slump of his shoulders and the hunch of his spine. Icroth mentioned to me once that he wanted to found his own Order - one that would stay true to the tenets of Xan. The trouble is, he’s nowhere near skilled enough with his magic to teach others. He can’t reach that point unless he finishes his training with Jack.

Icroth slaughtered civilians in the Duke’s War and that guilt still burdens his soul. He never wants to kill another innocent. That’s why he joined the Paladins - to escape from that life of senseless slaughter. Now he’s trapped in this awful position. Either he stays with the Paladins and tacitly condones their actions… or he strikes out on his own. He’s been going out into the wilderness to try and commune with Xan, to understand and develop his powers, but I don’t think it’s working.

I know Icroth. He’s the type to keep bashing his head against the same rock until either it cracks or he does.

There’s not much I can do for him. I’ve been in this position before, feeling ineffectual and unable to help the ones I love. Perhaps there’s another Paladin teacher out there somewhere who can pick up where Jack left off. Failing that… well, maybe I’ll just have to find a way to contact the top brass himself. If what Icroth told me is true, Xan isn’t too happy with Jack right now.

We’ll see.

Entry 98 –
1788 IST.
 

Spoiler

Today, I walked among the burning trees and half-collapsed houses of Siramenor. An acrid stink of metal and gore lingered in the air. Foamy, red waves stained the white beaches. The waters around Elvenesse, which used to be some of the most beautiful and pure in all of Arcas, are now scarlet with blood. The worst part about this ugly scene, though, is the fact that this carnage is a victory.

The Inferi laid waste to Siramenor and Aegorothond. Siramenor lies now in ashes - utterly destroyed by the siege - but Aegrothond still stands. The fortress suffered some heavy damage is the assault, but the elves held fast and managed to drive the Inferi back. Even so, it’s heartbreaking to see the damage done to the once so lovely coast. Inferi fire reduced the landscape to rubble. Stark, burnt trees whistle in the wind. The myriad birds and animals have all fled.

I’m glad I was able to complete my ethnography in time. I really am. With hope, I preserved a tiny piece of Siramenor for future generations to know and appreciate.

I received the news about the siege earlier today. Serenity, my Voidal Translocation teacher, sent me a message asking if we could meet in Helena. The missive surprised me since I expected she would be more comfortable teaching at her home in Aegorothond. Regardless, though, I wrote back and told her I’d be happy to entertain her at the NGS Helena Museum.

When Serenity arrived, she and Ivaeri - her fiancée - looked haggard, though I reserved comment. I invited them up to the meeting room on the top floor. “My apologies we couldn’t host you at our home,” Serenity said as she slid into the seat at the head of the meeting table. She brushed a hand through her light-colored hair and sighed. “The citadel is…” For some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence. Instead, she scowled bitterly down at the table. Across from us, Ivaeri settled into a chair and began reading.

“Did something happen?” I asked, sitting adjacent to her.

“The Inferi laid siege to Aegorothond,” Serenity explained. “The land suffers greatly.”

I put a hand to my mouth in horror. “Oh… oh God,” I muttered. “Did the Inferi take the city?”

To my immense relief, Serenity shook her head. “We forced them back and struck a heavy blow against their troops, but victory came at a cost. The forests will regrow with time, I hope, but for now, it’s a grim scene.”

“Thank God you were able to defeat them,” I sighed gratefully. “You two weren’t hurt in the fighting, were you?”

Serenity shook her head. “To my knowledge, we suffered very few deaths. Several injuries, but not a great loss of life. Ivaeri and I are unharmed, though… reasonably stressed, as I’m sure you understand.”

I frowned with concern. “We don’t have to go through with the lesson if you don’t want to,” I said. “I’d much rather you two take time to recover.”

Serenity waved off my concerns. “This is a good distraction, Miss Tanith. Let’s begin, shall we?”

I won’t write down all the details about our magic lesson, but Voidal Translocation is a great deal more complicated than I expected it to be. If I understand the concept correctly, it involves inserting a small portion of ‘mana’ into an object. Mana is like unto a person’s essential energy or essence. It’s the life force that allows us to cast and it manifests as the aura that appears when we connect to the Void. (Mine is pink, of course!) The mana, once forced into the object, acts as a metaphysical tether of sorts that can allow one to cast items into the Void and then retrieve them. During this lesson, Serenity taught me how to embed this ‘mana anchor’ into an object - namely, the small marble that she gave to me the last time we met. Happy to report that I created the mana anchor successfully! I didn’t manage to push the marble into the Void, but… well, Helena wasn’t built in a day. So long as I practice, I’m sure I’ll be able to get it. Voidal Translocation is practically the opposite of Evocation. Instead of drawing energy out of the Void, you’re pushing energy into it. It’s very taxing and unintuitive, at least for me.

After the lesson, Serenity, Ivaeri, and I parted ways for the time being. She was too worn out to attempt water evocation, which… I fully understand. We couldn’t practice long anyway since I had a meeting to attend.

Today was our yearly NGS meeting as well. Celestine was out sick, so I hosted in her stead. Sadly, it was a bit under-attended… just Icroth, Zodd, Mr. Rat, James, and Chirr. There wasn’t a great deal to report. We welcomed our two new members - James Chapel and Mr. Rat - and went over general news.

Lately, I’ve been working to get our junior NGS chapter up and running. Two young explorers have enlisted so far, a girl named Maela and a boy named Maric. For our first field trip, we’ll be heading to the Silver City of Haelun’or. I’d like to take the children to the Eternal Library… that is if I can get any of the Eternal Librarians to sign off on the trip. I’ve tried communicating with them a few times already. Unfortunately, I keep getting the brush-off. The head librarian isn’t responding to any of my messages.

We’ve also completed work on our Notable Women of Humanity pamphlets. For now, we’re just waiting on the Empress to review them and sign off. I can’t wait to publish it! I put extra work into my part of the project and I’m excited to see how people react. All the hours of digging through the library and the Imperial Archives are sure to pay off.

After my announcements, I opened the floor to personal news. Zodd informed us that he fought in the siege on Elvenesse. I asked him to share if he was comfortable. “How is Aegrothond?” I inquired. “I spoke to a friend earlier and she said it was in bad shape.”

“Siramenor was wiped out,” Zodd confirmed. “Aegrothond held fast, but I doubt it could withstand a second assault. We held off the Inferi as long as we could with cannons, but they broke through with the help of this massive demon gorilla. I managed to take out one of their siege commanders in single combat and that seemed to turn the tide of battle. But who knows for how long?”

“Oh dear…” I sighed. “Are they thinking of evacuating?”

“Don’t know. Not my call,” Zodd replied with a shrug of his (admittedly quite massive) shoulders.

“I see. Well… I would encourage everyone to try and help Siramenor where we can. We recently published our study on the Crown of Elvenesse, which was very well received. They were most kind to us, so I recommend we return the favor,” I told everyone gathered. “Be safe, though. I might be heading down there myself. Does anyone have any other news?”

James Chapel raised his hand. “I’m going to be conducting a study on Orcish Culture,” he explained.

“Oh, I did a commission for an orc recently,” Zodd added. “Forged him an ax that was bigger than me. After the meeting, I was heading down to Krugmar to deliver it. Care to come with?”

“I’ll tag along too,” Chirr interjected. “I haven’t been down south in a while.”

(Note to self: James and Chirr as a couple? Chirr’s been in the market for a new man… James is nice enough. I wonder if he’s her type?)

With that, I decided to call the meeting to a close. I rang the bell and dismissed everyone. Chirr, Zodd, and James headed out on their journey to Krugmar. As for me, I resolved that I needed to see Siramenor for myself. Leaving Reza, I made my way south along the road toward Elvenesse.

It’s no secret - especially here, in the pages of my diary - that I have a somewhat complicated relationship with my own elvish heritage. For years, I denied it and ignored it. I stubbornly refused to learn anything about my own people because I thought they were savage, decadent, and degenerate. That all changed when I began visiting Siramenor in the south. For the first time in my life, I felt excited about being an elf. I wanted to learn more about where I came from, what my history was, and what my people were like. Amazingly, I even considered converting to the Wild Faith. A part of me wonders if I might truly be more at home in Siramenor than in Oren - and I’m only clinging to Oren out of fear of the unknown.

It’s hard to say.

But when I saw the smoke drifting from the ruined forest, I began to weep. Not only for those dead and injured, not only for those who had lost their homes but also for the burgeoning relationship I had begun to develop with my own elfishness.

This tragedy isn’t about me, of course. It would be selfish for me to take the destruction of a beautiful city and make it about me. But even so… Siramenor represented a tenuous, slowly growing connection to a part of myself that had long been cut off. And now it’s gone too. I can’t help but mourn for that.

 

Entry 99 –
1789 IST.

 

Spoiler

I can’t sleep.

I’m lying in my bed with the lamplight turned as bright as it can go. The city past my window looks like a great expanse of impenetrable darkness. My reflection sits uneasily on the surface of the blackness. I feel as though I’m a little boat on a great, night-shrouded sea and something evil is going to swallow me up at any moment. I’m alone.

Icroth is out again. He told me he’ll be away camping somewhere, trying to commune with Xan and get in deeper touch with his powers. Since the incident aboard the Queen Dawn’s Revenge, he’s been trying to make his way forward by himself - teach himself and find some way to connect with Xan in the wilderness. He told me he planned to head out toward Farrador. It’s a long journey. I’ve thought about sending him a letter via messenger bird, but there’s no way it would reach him in time. Even if it did, it would take Icroth weeks of travel to return home.

I’m in this by myself. And I’m scared.

I keep going over the events of the day in my mind, trying to piece together what happened, but there are huge holes in my memory. Huge blank spaces like voids in my brain. It makes me furious and sick. I swore that I would write everything down. I swore I would never lose track of time again. I don’t want to slip back into a state of catatonia and forgetfulness. But I just can’t remember for the life of me what happened!

Maybe if I begin at the beginning, it’ll trigger something…

Lately, I’ve been wanting to try and restore my ears. Several hundred years ago, I laid my head down on the cutting board in my kitchen and I carved them off with a butcher knife. I don’t remember precisely what caused me to do it. An overwhelming shame and hatred for my own race that consumed me whole. Mr. Toov found me bleeding in the kitchen after I’d chopped them. He took me gingerly in his arms and healed the cuts with his magic. That moment has become one of my greatest regrets. It was more than a literal cutting of the ears. It represented a final severance with everything elven. It was my promise to forsake my elven heritage and live life as a human woman. I didn’t anticipate how my feelings might change over hundreds of years.

I’d heard good things about Ostromir Carrion - about how he was a miraculous surgeon who could heal scars and restore mutilated flesh. He and I have had encounters before where I gave him advice about his wife. I figured we had a friendly repartee, so I wrote to him and asked him if he might be able to fix my ears. I wanted to sit down for a consultation.

And that’s… the last thing I remember. Handing that letter off to the courier. After that, my mind is a complete blank.

The next thing I knew, I woke up in a wheat field.

The first thing I did was vomit up everything I had in my stomach. I retched and retched until it felt like I had been squeezed dry. When I lifted my hand to wipe my mouth, I found my face covered in blood. Crimson smeared the back of my hand - fresh and wet. Suddenly, it hit me. Waves of pain radiating out from the center of my face. My fingers probed my nose and I found it broken right down the middle. Another burst of pain and nausea struck me and I retched again. Hot blood gushed from my nostrils and spilled down my chin onto my dress. Panicking, I groped the ground for my glasses but I couldn’t find them.

I stumbled to my feet. Every part of my body hurt. My wrists, my ankles, my knees, my legs, my torso. My eyes fell on some angry welts around my wrists. Rope burns. When I lifted my skirt, I saw the same thing around my ankles. My heart raced inside my chest. What was going on? What happened? I struggled to recall any memory, but I couldn’t. My last recollection was of earlier that day when I wrote Ostromir that letter.

Someone tied my arms and legs. They beat me into unconsciousness. They broke my nose. They stole my glasses. And they left me for dead in a field outside of Helena.

The implications filled me with an icy cold terror. I could barely see my hand in front of my face. Darkness swaddled the city. Could I possibly make it home? A bleeding woman staggering around half-blind would be easy pickings for bandits or wolves. Regardless, I pressed on, determined to find my way back to the city, and alert the ISA - someone, anyone - about what had happened to me. Hours had passed since I blacked out. When I wrote Ostromir that letter, it was morning… and now the sky was completely midnight dark.

I eventually made it to Nauzica Square, where I ran into a small group of women. Thank God, one of them - a young lady named Florenza - was a medic who worked at the local clinic. She took me gently by the hand and guided me to safety.

At the clinic, Florenza sat me down on one of the medical beds. “You said you lost your glasses?” she asked me as she examined the wounds on my face. “You have all these little cuts. I think, when you find them, they might need new lenses.”

The cold horror - the implication that I was assaulted and beaten - lay heavy at the core of my being. I didn’t want it to be true. “I… I think I fell and broke them…” I mumbled, trying to come up with a reason why my assault wasn’t real. “I’m so clumsy…”

Florenza cleaned off my face and took a pair of tweezers. She began picking minuscule shards of glass out of my skin. I grit my teeth and endured it, trying to be as good as patient as possible. While she worked, she continued asking me questions.

“Where did you fall?” she asked. “I’m sorry, amiga, I know it hurts. Just bear with me a little longer.”

“I don’t… really… know,” I muttered. “The last thing I remember, I was… I was writing a letter to someone. And then I… woke up. I was in the field and my face was all bloody… and my glasses were gone. I – erm… I used to be… a bit of a lush, you know. I liked the drink. M-maybe I had a relapse. I don’t know…”

She spread blissfoil salve over my cuts, which helped a little bit. “What’s the last thing you remember?” Florenza continued to probe. “Do you recall who attacked you?”

“Attacked? I don’t think I was attacked!” I exclaimed - then winced in pain because of my broken nose. “I don’t… I don’t know if I was attacked. The last thing I remember is writing a letter to Ostromir Carrion… And then everything is a blank. I just… I woke up in that field. My face was all bloody. My glasses were gone. I don’t know…”

Florenza took hold of my wrist as she spread salve on my welts. “These are rope burns, amiga,” she explained. “I don’t think this was just a simple fall. Perhaps you should go to the Ministry of Justice.” After she finished bandaging my wrists, she lifted her hands to my face. “I’m going to pop your nose back into place. It’ll hurt. I’m sorry. I promise it’ll be done soon.”

I grimaced and braced for the pain. With a twist of her wrist, she snapped my nose back into its proper alignment. I cried out in agony as tears came rolling down my cheeks. Florenza, bless her, patiently dabbed them away and carefully applied bandages to my nose. “It will take a few weeks to heal, amiga,” she said. With that, she poured me a cup of White Willow tea from the nearby stove.

“I - I really shouldn’t be such a big crybaby at five hundred and fourteen years old… should I?” I sobbed as she handed me the tea.

Florenza smiled at me and patted my hand. “You’ve been very brave, amiga.”

After I finished my tea, she gave me some painkillers and discharged me to go home. Thankfully, even without my glasses, I know the streets well enough to find my way. I’m safe in my flat now, but…

God. I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep. I’m so terrified. Every time I turn off the light, the shadows seem to come alive. The chair in the corner, with Icroth’s cape draped over it, suddenly turns into a thug crouching in the dark. More than anything, I want Icroth to be here. I miss him so badly. I just want him to put his arms around me and promise me I’ll be safe.

But instead, I’m by myself. I have to figure out what happened alone.

Was it bandits? But that doesn’t make sense. They didn’t touch my money or my possessions. When I woke up, I still had my purse. 
Was it a hate crime? Something spurred by the recent ‘Humanity First’ legislation proposed by the Everardines? 

Was it the Paladins of Xan, seeking revenge on me for exposing them? But — Jack would never order them to attack me, would he?

Was it Ostromir?

The last thing I remember is writing him that letter.

But… surely not, yes? 

He’s the Governor of the Novellen Palace. A trusted member of the Empress’s inner circle. He’s a doctor and an accomplished one at that. 

Surely not.

When I arrived home earlier, I took off my clothes and stood in front of my mirror. The sight of my beaten body shocked me. Huge, dark bruises covered my torso. An imprint on my stomach gave the impression as though someone had kicked me savagely and repeatedly. Rope burns throbbed on my wrists and my ankles. Cuts and bruises on my face. A broken nose.

They didn’t touch my money or any of my possessions. Whoever did this, they did it out of pure malice.

Who?

 

Volume 1

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Volume 3 (You Are Here)

Volume 4