Hi Lotc, it's no secret that this server has gone through some turbulence (understatement?) in the recent weeks.
I'd like to offer a look into my own changing perspective on things in my own attempt to begin walking the path I feel we all need to walk in order to remedy things.
Let's start a year ago. @Zombiefide tells me "No don't laugh, I know it's minecraft but it's actually pretty good." and then I apply for whitelist, this was a success, and I joined the hordes of people piling onto LoTC's player count every day. **** was pretty lit at first, but I didn't know how to rp and I quickly grew bored of the little meme rp and one off rp that lacked character development I partook in during my opening weeks. Then I made friends, started rping more meaningful everything and before you know it came the end of Axios. Hot damn was that fun rp, being on those boats in the tropical island was the most laid back and cohesive thing I personally have had the pleasure of witnessing my year on the server so far.
The beginning of Atlas meant lots of change for me and the small group of friends I'd rpd with. For example, I applied for ET Actor the day I hit 3 months on the server because at the time the minimum time to be on the ET was 3 months. Somehow, little ol' me managed to get it! A few weeks later and unfortunately dooming my eventlines to die, I was removed from the ET for the misuse of pex. I wanted to rejoin for a small while and ended up reapplyng once, but for some reason or another the idea of doing the events didn't really satisfy the itch I was trying to scratch anyways, wanting to help others enjoy the server and enjoying it by proxy through them. (Also I got denied after the interview) Nyooming a few weeks forward, @Sky and I became friends, and through him as well as @BritBritt, who were leading and on the at at the time respectively, I got glimpses into how the AT worked, and immediately became infatuated with the idea of helping new players get acclimated, it was exactly what I looked for on the ET!
**** was ******* cash for a while, I loved it. The team dynamic, the new players, the everything! I remember feeling like my existence on planet earth was validated every single time I got a thank you from a soul or new player, and it was great. Then things took a turn for the worse, I started becoming aware of issues I had with the community, or maybe a particular staff team. These started out minute, and I quickly either brushed them off or stopped caring, but they eventually began compounding on each other and I became incredibly dissatisfied with the AT, and lost interest in doing the work and helping the new players after several months of choosing it over rp at every available opportunity. Then came GM, essentially the same idea as the AT, only server wide and also involved in moderating the rules and such.
The month of July was a bad one for MickMeist in regard to his opinion and enjoyment of LoTC, for several factors I felt obligated to log on but every hour spent online was an hour not enjoyed, I not unfrequently got into heated arguments with other members of our community, including the admins. Some of these arguments were actually productive, leading to one side either acknowledging the correctness of the other or a compromise being drawn, but most were over trivial matters or entirely just a 2 way polemic. I had so many issues with so many things and I let them ruin everything that was good about this place and what kept me around in the beginning. Towards the end of the month, as well as coming into the first week of august, it was relatively common for a conversation I was in to somehow have me end up saying "I'm just waiting for the right time to jump ship or make a mistake so abhorrent I get pushed out." Needless to say, it was very unhealthy at this point to be spending time on the server, but I didn't. I hit 0 hours played in the last 7 days for the first time since I'd initially logged on, and I didn't care. That sounds a tad dramatic, but for me it was. LoTC pulled me out of a depression seeing a therapist hadn't done for years, LoTC helped me manage what I would find out was adhd that had gone undiagnosed my entire life up until college, LoTC subsidized my friendships as I lost the majority of them to people going away to school while I stayed home at our local school. It was a big deal for me, but I'd entirely lost the ability to care.
Then I woke up today. I had breakfast, during which sky and I were having a chat about the server as a whole, and then a bit about his tenure as the at lead, coincidentally the time at which I remember having the most enjoyment come out of LoTC. After that, I went i/oo my yard and began weeding as well as doing some general lawn care, all the while, my thoughts transitioned from a complete state of pessimism regarding this server and community to the exact opposite. I don't know what switched in me, but for some reason I was immediately disgusted with the way I'd been the past month and wanted to put it behind me, my first reaction was to start conversation about it with someone, and @Fireheart was my first idea. Thanks an absolute ton to him for being available and willing almost immediately. It's about fuckin' time I got to the point of this post rather than rambling on and on, here are some quotes from our conversation, as well as some from other's.
"I seem to have undergone a complete change of heart in the past hour. I feel like I forgot who I was Mick isn't someone who just lies down and accepts **** that's wrong, mick isn't someone who decides its time for a community to die, I ******* fight for what I believe is to the benefit for myself and my peers, how is anything supposed to improve if I just sit idly in a puddle of pessimism?"
"It's not a problem that you've grown cynical, Hell, I literally reached the bottom of the barrel in my opinion these last few weeks, but you and I have done great work together. I have seen firsthand how ******* fantastic you can be at doing what you do. Do we just lie down and let the problems win?" @Lumiin
Those two I feel are small bits that I think get my point across. Here's a big ass one.
"I don't want to tell you to stay if you are set on going, but staying, doing the absolute best you can, and being the best version of yourself is step one on a maybe short or maybe long road to repairing the server, community, staff, and relationships between them. You don't have to give. You don't even need to attempt to give, you've said it yourself you enjoy doing the moderation and continued to up until you decided leaving was the correct choice. It requires next to zero mental or otherwise energy to just do. I started off today, before having the epiphany that ripped me straight out of lotc's gutter, by making an annoyed tongue in cheek comment in server suggestions regarding communication. Then spoke over breakfast to Sky about his tenure as the AT Lead and kinda just reminiscing on the time I spent before spiraling down the path that left me a resentful ******* for the entire month of july and beginning of August. Going into that talk I was looking for affirmation that I was correct in jumping ship as I'd put it so often lately, coming out of it my body and soul are set straight ahead, but I'm blind. I don't know what the **** we, Lotc, need to do, but doing is all we need to for now. You specifically are someone who I have witnessed personally see a wrongdoing and step right the **** up and fix it without hesitation, and I am certain that trait is one that does not just disappear, it's there somewhere. You don't even need to take big steps. You dont' even need to walk. as far as I'm concerned you can ******* roll toward the promised land one roll a week if you need to, but without hesitation I say that as long as you're moving in any direction no matter the pace you're still getting out of whatever **** thunderstorm is in the sky, and then when you're out of it, you turn around, look that thunderstorm in the eyes and say **** you *******, because there's no such thing as running out of stuff to give, you just need to find it behind the fog." @Lark
I think I've gone on enough, but I believe wholeheartedly in the message here. There are issues in our community, but they're all entirely fixable.