A Short Poem.

[Tentoa 3161]

I got in the mood to write again so I decided I'd try to take up poetry once again. I'm very rusty at it and I needed to practice for Achan. So I just wrote what I have been feeling to get into the swing of things.
Critique as you like, I'd appreciate it.
 

It is a decadence I find; my favourtie sweet is not one that can be sampled my mouth but leaves a taste more sweet than even the candy from on-high divines.

In no inch of this earthly realm will one find a sight so stunning, imperfectly perfect to my eye; through my body it brings joy running.

Though one might find me Stubborn and pretentious; a mask of liars upon my face made of false anger and bravado. A masquerade of a an aggitated child whising excitement akin to a Desperado.

It is no suprise there are difficulties to find. A coward to afraid to shed is masquarde but I admire your patience and assure that in time, everything changes.

TO a sweet so stunning and a sight so stunning I offer you a promise of problems past no future worry and in conclusion I love you, I'm sorry.

[Graceful Bucko 65]

;~;

Beautiful.

[Graceful Bucko 65]

Please, keep writing these.

[Emp 209]

'Tis indeed beautiful. Nothing can compare to the honest, heartfelt expression of one's soul and emotions.

 

For the sake of feedback, I'd suggest using fewer 'common' words, and trying to encapsulate as much meaning in individual words, or symbolism. Perhaps establishing a metre for fuller effect?

However, in saying this, you've made a fine effort at incorporating allegories, alliteration, etc.

 

A superb effort!

[knightly11 | lotc_fox 111]

[Knox213 10]

Moved to the Archive. It shall be sorted into the appropriate category shortly.