[Denied][Pending] Application

[Kart20 0]

Out-Of-Character Information
Please do your best to correct spelling and grammatical errors, this is an RP server and writing is the main form of communication!

What’s your Minecraft Account Name?: TediBB
How old are you?: 12
Are you aware the server is PG-13 (You won’t be denied for being under 13): Yes
Have you applied to this server before? (Please link all past applications): Yes - https://www.lordofthecraft.net/topic/121659-application/
Have you read and agreed to the rules?: Yes
What’s the rule you agree with the most?: We do not tolerate trolling
Are there any rule(s) that confuse you or don’t make sense?(If so we can help clear it up! You will not be denied for having a question on the rules): no
How did you find out about Lord of the Craft? : I searched for roleplaying server in Google and i found this server, joined and i found out how great it is so i applied.

Definitions
Feel free to Google the answers or browse our forums, but make sure that you write the reply in your own words, not those of another website or person!

What is roleplaying?: Playing in something like imagination world - with a role and with other peoples. There is a lore and other things (like races, kings, wars, etc.) that enchant the game and make it different from the normal minecraft server. You chose a role and you play as your persona.
What is metagaming?: To use knowledge that your personage doesn't knows to help him by his own turns .
What is powergaming?: To not give fair chance to the others - like Edward gets his sword and slashes the throat of Susan - Susan can not react, because Edward said what happened to her.

In-Character Information

Character’s name: Nathair Silvershadow
Character’s gender: Male
Character’s race: High Elf
Character’s age: 92
Biography (Please make it a decent two paragraphs long. Remember to add server lore, and events that happened to your character so that they don’t contradict history.):Nathair was born into Haelun'or in his parents’ house. He grew up with other children and was very happy. He had lots of friends and everybody enjoyed him, but at age of three, his mother ran away into the forest. She was a member of a occult associations and she went insane. His father followed after, but was unable to find her. Later, they heard that she joined a Druidic guild and lives happily now. Later on one sunny day, when his father was old and sick, Nathair and the rest of his family members sat around him. His father died, happy to see his full family (except his wife) . Nathair lost his only parent at the age of 70. The next day, after the death of the father, the twin of Nathair, Suoshi, ran to Laureh'lin and died after some months of misery, from starving. By his age of 75, Nathair began his journey to Laureh'lin, to try to find his dead brother and to learn new things. He obtained a lot of souvenirs, but while he was returning home he threw them into a river. He was thinking that he was going to remember him forever about his brothers from the souvenirs. He returned home at the age of 83 and he moved from Haelun'or to the village of Leyulin. Most of the members of Nathair's family ran away. Nobody was able to trust the others so much, so many of the members went insane and ran away in fear of being lied to.
Personality Traits: Clever, Magnetic, Egocentric
Ambitions: To get higher in the society
Strengths/Talents: Working with his mind
Weaknesses/Inabilities: he is allergic to fruits (expect pumpkin), he hates fish( expect salmon), working with his hands, Nathair also is afraid of red eyes and he aways tries to hide his ears under his hair , aways thinks he is watched, wants to join occult societies, some peoples believe he is insane.
Appearance (List the extra details of your characters appearance, IE; height & weight): He is high (1 meter and 93 centimeters), thin (79 kilograms), golden hair, aquamarine eyes, pale skin, aquamarine and white clothes.
Appearance, please provide us a screenshot of your character’s skin (If you need help, see our screenshot guide here): http://m.imgur.com/5INfB4X (this is the link to the photo of the skin that i created based on my character ) (the skin had little changes cause i lost it and i recreated it from the picture . Now he have longer hair and other armor over the clothes)

I did my best, i am sorry if the application is still bad :( .

[Tirenas 677]

You have 24 hours to make the following changes. Please feel free to contact me once you have updated your application and/or if you have questions.

 

• Please develop upon your roleplaying definition, as it seems as though your understanding of it isn't too clear.
• I noticed you said "cause" instead of because quite a lot, which can tend to be an issue whilst roleplaying. I'd like for you to go through and fix that within your application.
• I also saw that you put a space between words and commas, which is also something I'd like for you to fix.
• In your character's biography, it speaks about his father dying tragically, which is cliche and frowned upon. Please correct that aspect of your story.
• You also had a lot of run-on sentences within your backstory.
• I saw that your character was an Elf and 24 years old, though I'd for you to understand that anything under around the age of fifty years old is considered to be a child. Thus, I'd like for you to change it so that he's a bit older, as we want to stray away from new applicants starting as children.
• If your character was born in Haelun'or, it's almost impossible that he wasn't a High Elf, seeing as though they have a very isolationist attitude. 

[Tirenas 677]

This applicant has not fixed the aforementioned issues (And those I clarified to him through extensive PMs) within the allotted time, and thus is declined.

[Tirenas 677]

Moved to Denied Forum