Mindless ramblings

[KeiaTypeBeat 3283]

I remember the first time I had a true, conscious thought. The moment I stepped away from my nature as a responsive, reactive hominid, and became a creature who thinks, and not only thinks, but also thinks about the nature of how she thinks. I remember it, and I've thought about that moment since the moment I could be aware of my own thoughts. 

 

I looked upon my tiny, still developing hands, and I flexed them in and out of tiny, still developing fists. And I stared at them. And I thought: how am I doing this? What causes my thought of will to close my hands to then become the action of closing my hands? 

 

I asked my mother, who, up until then, was the same as Creator to my eyes. And with those eyes that sparkled with the innocence and purity of youth, I stared up at her, awaiting an answer the same as any would await any answer from their creator.

 

She told me she did not know. 

 

It was then that I learned my first real lesson about life: not all our questions are immediately given answers. Sometimes, you have to seek them out yourself. And sometimes, it might take a while until you are blessed with that knowledge you desperately seek and crave. 

 

I would go on to form a breadth of questions that held no immediate answers. And until I could find those answers, I set about inventing my own. 

 

And still, I am looking at my adult, well developed hands, as I shape them into adult, well developed fists.

 

If these are to be the last things I see when I am aged and weathered, and I am able to end my life with a million different answers as to how I do what I do, and have done what I have done, then I think I will be able to die with a great amount of happiness to be buried alongside me. 

[KeiaTypeBeat 3283]

If I have a thought that can be said I've thought upon the most, but have told absolutely no one, it's that. And I'm usually such an open person, that this seemed like a pointless secret to keep