Unable to Live Up to Them

[MamaBearJade 2090]

 

Rin had thought the past was behind her. That her new wife, her new child, and her new family would bring her peace. However, not even that quelled the demons that tormented the young woman. 

 

You really thought they would stay?

 

Rin trembled as she sat near the river. Her eyes looking at the water as tears threatened to spill over. Next to her was her notebook, writings of tasks to give her dedicant, to teach him what it meant to be a druid. But did she even know what it meant?

 

You are only lying to yourself.

 

Her fathers, her mothers, her sisters, her family. Everyone around her, close to her were druids. Everyone, meaning she had to be too. She had to live up to her father’s legacy. To her mother’s strength. To her adoptive father’s title. To her adoptive mother’s regallity. She pulled her knees close to her.

 

You are nothing next to them. You will always be nothing.

 

She stared at the notepad. Her gaze drifting to the river again. She saw images of Rosa, their new child, of her father, her real mother. They all were gone. Alone again. She buried her head in her knees. Her sobs soft as she curled up tight. She struggled to find Hareven. Struggled to find Nivndil. Riv’su had left. Rosa was travelling. Her only companions were the animals.

 

She looked to her ker wolf as it lay next to her and the Kairn. “Y-you two...a-are so l-lucky…” she stammered as she rested her chin on her knees. “I-I w-....wish….I had your strength…” Her eyes fell to the ker wolf. The wolf’s head peeked up and its ears lay flat. “A-and y-yours...” She sighed and looked down. “T-then...m-maybe….maybe I wouldnt be...s-so scared…”

 

You will always be a frail child.

 

She covered her ears. Her eyes closing as she whimpered, remembering the feel of the blade that had torn her flesh. The hammer that shattered her leg. A soft thump made her jump and recoil. She turned, only to have spotted a small rock had tumbled from the ledge where a squirrel had landed.

 

Even this close to the walls of the grove, terrified her to no end. She knew she was never going to be safe again. Especially now that she was alone. She was never going to be what her family expected. She had lost the tranquility she was named for.